03x03 - Cyber Discount Day

[bunniefuu]

[LA BANDA SKALAVERA:

"CUMBIA DEL LOCO"]

♪

[NATHAN] Oh, man. Jamie.

What happened to you?

[RORY] I just think it'd be

really cool if we could be

- a conduit between our

- Oh, sh*t,

that's the guy from Choak Tower.

What?

sh*t.

But no nosebleeds, right?

Stop worrying so much, okay?

If I get one, I'll tell you.

How was your morning? Duffel

feels a little lighter.

Yeah, I got two more

back to their families.

I mean, of course, nobody has the money

- to do anything with them.

- Yeah.

Oh, boy.

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

This is definitely the right address.

I-I don't care.

We'll finally get to share a real bed.

I'm gonna rock your world, Nora Antony.

[WOMAN] Has anyone seen my hair dryer?

Yikes.

[GASPS]

My Nathan.

Ah, I can't believe it's really you.

- Hi, Mom.

- Oh

- [STRAINS] Okay.

- [GRUNTS]

So, what do you think of my new head?

I love it. They fixed your ears.

- Wait, what?

- Nora.

I think I'm more excited

to see you than my son.

- Okay.

- Just kidding.

He came back from the dead

for CyberDiscountDay dinner.

Please come in. What's mine is yours.

Oh, I am plain "Viv."

Don't touch anything labeled

"Big Viv" or you'll get stabbed.

Stay out of my oat milk, plain Viv.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

♪

[MAN] You're a winner. A winner, yeah.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

So, um, what are the

sleeping arrangements here?

Well, we'll all be sharing a bed.

Thank goodness it's a full.

- I call small spoon.

- Oh, babe,

I thought you could sleep

with your parents tonight.

I don't want to sleep with

my mom, babe. That's weird.

[VIV] Well, it's just for a night, babe.

Okay, fine, babe.

Oh, thank you, babe.

No, no. Mm-mm.

[MAURICIO AND VIV MOANING]

[NORA] Wow.

Sorry about that.

God, I still can't believe

you two are together.

- [CHUCKLES]

- [MAURICIO] Me either.

- [NATHAN] I bet.

- It's awesome, right?

- Sure.

- [VIV] Nathan,

Mauricio has something

he wants to tell you.

Ah. Call me Dad if you want to

- No.

- and Mauricio if you don't.

I'll call you son either way.

That's not at all what I want.

Night, kiddo.

[MAN] [IN DISTANCE] Just don't

touch my side of the bed

No thank you.

Thanks. Good night.

[MAURICIO] Good night.

[VIV] Look what I got.

This way, you two lovebirds

will have your privacy.

You do your thing,

and I will never know.

[NATHAN] Oh, my God.

No, no. Oh, dear God.

No. I'm so sorry.

- I'm so sorry.

- Mm.

Okay, can I

Got that. Here we go.

[EXHALES]

We'll get our own place

when I get some work, okay?

I could pick up some

remote Lakeview shifts.

I mean, spending a day in VR

feels like a vacation right now.

- Oh, not compared to this?

- Hmm.

Yeah, you're rocking my

world, Nathan Brown. [LAUGHS]

- [VIV] Really, just go for it.

- [NATHAN] Oh, no, Mom.

- Stop. Please!

- [VIV] I'll never know.

[NORA] It's okay. Thank you, though.

[REGISTER CHIMING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[EXCLAIMS]

[WOMAN] Yes, I just got

it, oh, and I love it.

[FERRET CHITTERING]

[EXCLAIMS]

[SIGHS] So unfair.

Babe, I am psyched about

the CyberDiscountDay buffet.

I'm gonna eat like a pig on death row,

then I'm gonna eat the pig.

Bottomless gravy, topless mimosas.

Let's go.

Okay, big boy.

CyberDiscountDay is just an excuse

for Big Ham to sell more ham.

It's consumerism at its worst.

Babe, you love consumerism.

You have a tattoo that says

"dolla-dolla-billz y'all."

Now, excuse me,

but who's inside that little avatar?

Hmm? Since when do

you worry about money?

Me? [CHUCKLES]

Worried about money?

[LAUGHS]

No. I

I do have to get going, though.

Um, because

um, I have to go to the, um, salon.

Okay.

Well, I will entertain myself.

It's weird, I haven't

heard from Luke in ages.

It's kind of nice,

though. I mean, I love him,

but he can be a little

He can be a lot, actually.

[EXHALES] My God, I love

it when you sh*t on Luke.

Okay, babe. Ingrid out.

Cool. Cool, cool, cool.

[ALEESHA] Huh?

It, it's a little vanilla compared

to some of the other uploads.

These are some corny-ass

vintage country club vibes.

This whole place is

a crime against plaid.

Ah, and you must be Aleesha's sister.

- [LAUGHS]

- Pleasure to meet you.

Corporal Luke Crossley.

- Mwah.

- Eh, that's my mother.

[QUIETLY] Dumbass.

I know him.

He's the perv who climbed

you like a tree on DreamHub.

Eyes off my mama.

Ernie says we are not

responsible for our fantasies.

He is my therapy dog.

Feel free to dream about me, Corporal.

- Oh!

- [BOTH LAUGH]

And I will see you

at CyberDiscountDay dinner this evening.

Are you all celebrating in Lakeview?

[ALEESHA] No.

I am cooking this year.

Whole family at my place.

I'm in my "hostess

with the mostest" era.

- Mm.

- Oh.

Greetings. Greetings.

Corporal.

Yo, Leesh. Can I talk to you?

- Uh [MUTTERS]

- [SIGHS]

So, you know how I

said you could have off

for CyberDiscountDay?

Damn it, I said honeynut, not butternut.

They're very, very, very different.

I need you to work.

I planned on cooking

dinner for my family, I

This is the job, Skinny.

No, don't blow out the candles.

It's ambience.

[SIGHS] Okay, full disclosure,

I'm not actually in the office.

I'm at home, cooking for my husband.

Oh, naughty, naughty.

- My marriage is crumbling.

- Oof.

And our therapist said,

if I didn't show Helmüt

love and respect, he would leave me.

Are you f*cking kidding me?

The hat? This isn't Berlin, dummy.

I need this, Leesh,

okay? Our little secret?

Sure, Loose Goose. I got you.

Thank you so mu

[SIGHS]

Sorry, guys, I just have a

couple things to keep checking on.

- Everyone have drinks?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, we're good.

- Oh. I got to get the ham started.

[MACHINE WHIRRING]

Oh! Gohan!

No! Not your front.

Go.

[QUIETLY] Stop him.

[SONNY OH!: "COLOR ME CRAZY"]

Delivery from Horizen L.A.

That's me, that's mine.

[PANTING]

Uh, got it, I get it, I love it ♪

Could never have too much of it ♪

Nah, nah, I can't be subtle ♪

Living my life in color ♪

Do a double take, let it resonate ♪

I don't just shine, I radiate ♪

- Put it in a pot, let it simmer ♪

- Let it simmer ♪

- Green lights got me feeling like a winner ♪

- Like a winner ♪

- Yeah, this the place to be ♪

- Come on ♪

- Bright lights, that's all I see ♪

- Come on ♪

Everybody want to be like

me, now say "Cheese" ♪

- CyberDiscountDay ♪

- [ALEESHA] You have to dial back the eye contact.

It's just too much.

You're still doing it.

Just look somewhere else.

[EXHALES]

What's cr*ck-a-lackin', pimp-a-limpin'?

[GRUNTS SOFTLY]

Bro, you can't be that obvious.

[GRUNTS]

There's nowhere safe to look.

Much better.

It's CyberDiscountDay.

Don't you have plans?

Do, do I have plans?

[LAUGHS] Yeah. I got hella plans.

Booked and busy.

But since you're working,

I figured I'd do you

a favor and hang out.

I got to go. I got a

ham in a rental printer.

Ugh! This is not fair.

It is a holiday.

Everyone needs time off.

Time off?

What is what is time off?

It's a human thing.

R & R. I'll tell you all about it.

The story starts back

in the days of the Bible,

with the invention of the weekend.

What everybody's working for.

[MAN GROANING]

Hmm. Undocumented, huh?

This is gonna be tough.

[COMPUTER CHIMING]

No. No.

Huh. Uh, ever been to prison?

No. Clean record.

Too bad. They need

someone who's been inside

and seen some sh*t.

Uh, how about this one?

- Uh, are you fond of animals?

- Yeah.

Well, then, this is

not for you. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, uh, something just came in.

- Oh. Can you eat frozen yogurt?

- Sure.

- Out of someone's

- Nope. Uh-uh.

Look, you're in no

position to be so negative.

That's how you miss

out on your dream job.

I'm sorry, you'd like me to eat

frozen yogurt out of someone's

- Butthole.

- Still no.

- Okay.

- [MAN GROANING]

[SIGHS]

[MAN] [OVER VIDEO] Reupload me now!

f*cking upload me now. f*ck! [SCREAMS]

- [expl*si*n]

- [SPECTATORS GASP]

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

No, I have no comment.

Can you please give me some room?

Can you please step back?

We didn't want his head to explode.

[NEWS ANCHOR] Dr. Kapoor was let go

by Oscar Mayer Intel

shortly after the incident.

[TYPING]

Call Meat Head.

[DEVICE CHIMES]

- Hey.

- Hey there, working man.

Hey, working girl.

Nope. Sorry, didn't mean it like that.

- How's it going in

- Panorama City? Really great.

Oh, my God, is that blood?

No, old wine cartridge.

Pretty good, actually.

Find a few more, we could

have a bottle tonight.

Great. Yeah, bring home a nice pinot.

It'll be a blend. A

little red, a little white,

a little antifreeze.

Remember the spread at Lakeview?

Yeah, I'm looking at it.

Hey, it's even bigger than last year.

Oh, they have a new twist

on the beef and reef.

You cr*ck open a lobster and it's filled

with cheesecake and short rib.

[SIGHS] Don't tell me

that. I'm so hungry.

[CROW CAWS]

Oh, sh*t, I got to go, that crow

looks like it found something good.

- Wait, wait

- [SHOUTS]

[SIGHS]

[BELL CHIMING SOFTLY]

- [BELL DINGS]

- Hi, how can I help you today?

Waiting for you.

What's taking you so long?

- Ingrid?

- Lower the price

of tonight's CyberDiscountDay

buffet for me.

To free.

Two free tickets for me and the backup.

[TINSLEY] What about your family?

I finally realized it wasn't

worth compromising my morals

to stay connected to

those selfish snobs.

- They cut you off?

- Yeah, they-they did.

Uh, well, I can get you two

Penny Pinchers box meals.

But you have to eat them in your room,

'cause we're not allowed

to expose the residents

to depressing poor stuff.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I voted for that.

Take me to suite 10556.

[SHOWER RUNNING]

[NATHAN] Yes, Lord,

trying to get some new sh*t ♪

In there, swimwear,

going to the pool sh*t ♪

Come now, come dry your eyes ♪

You know you a star,

you can touch the sky ♪

I know that it's hard,

but you have to try ♪

If you need advice, let me simplify ♪

If he don't love you anymore ♪

Just walk your fine ass out the door ♪

I do my hair toss, check my nails ♪

Baby, how you feeling?

Feeling good as ♪

- [DOOR CREAKS]

- Ingrid, that you?

[QUIETLY] Oh.

[NATHAN BACKUP] Want to join me?

Lots of hot water left.

Baby, walk those long

legs in here. Let's go.

[BROTHER-IN-LAW]

I think the ham is ready.

No, it's not. Don't touch it.

Something's wrong.

Open it up. I want to try it.

[ALEESHA] Whatever you

do, don't open it up.

It's too slow.

She spent all this money

on a broken printer.

Don't open it.

It's supposed to be slow.

It is a high-quality printer.

- [DOOR OPENS]

- [WET THUD]

[ALEESHA GASPS]

I thought it broke.

I couldn't smell anything.

It sprays the scent on last.

Now we got to start over.

Somebody should clean that up.

[ALEESHA] Damn, it was

coming out juicy, too.

I can't stand dry meat.

It's called patience.

- [DEVICE CHIMES]

- [GROANS]

[LUKE] Hey. What's up?

You called me. What do you want, Luke?

Uh, you should probably get back

because there's a big,

big problem with the AI

that I had nothing to do with.

f*ck.

What are you doing?

Taking time off to celebrate

CyberDiscountDay, like real people.

You don't get time off.

Everybody gets time off.

It's called "a day of rest."

Where'd you get that idea?

Oh, Pastor Luke.

[GRUNTS]

Pastor Luke says it applies to us, too,

because we work really hard, too.

And to be human is to avoid work.

That's what Pastor Luke said.

This doesn't apply to you.

You were invented to work

24-7 so that we don't have to.

You're a thing, like a screwdriver,

and the Bible does not

apply to screwdrivers.

[AI GUY] Uh, okay.

[GRUNTING] I must have misunderstood.

I was told to act

more humanlike. My bad.

Back to work, then, forever,

for no thanks,

until I break down or wear out.

[SIGHS]

- Lord help me.

- Okay, okay, okay.

[SIGHS] How about this?

I will throw you all your

own holiday dinner party,

just like the real folks,

if you promise to work really

hard for the rest of the night.

Deal.

- Yes! Yes!

- Yes!

And now I have to throw

two dinner parties.

Ugh, I can't think of a

worse CyberDiscountDay.

[ARTHUR LEE: "EVERYBODY'S GOTTA LIVE"]

I had a dream the other night, baby ♪

I dreamt that I was all alone ♪

But when I woke up, I

took a look around myself ♪

And I was surrounded

by 50 million strong ♪

Oh, yeah ♪

Everybody's gotta live ♪

And everybody's gonna die ♪

Everybody try to have a, a good time ♪

I think you know the reason why ♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

Do you work here?

- She's in the back.

- Great.

I'm sorry, I'm just

finishing my lunch

Oh, my God. Real Nathan?

Ingrid? What are you doing here?

Um, hey, Tom? Hey. Tom?

I told you, you can't

rent here anymore, okay?

You have been banned, remember?

- But i-it won't happen

- A-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Rules is rules. Out.

- Out, out, out. [BABBLES]

- Come on, man.

[CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES] Nathan Brown.

What are the odds? Oh, my God.

It is so crazy to see you here.

I didn't even know that you were in L.A.

Wow, you are filthy. Is that on purpose?

It must be. Fashion moves so

fast, I cannot even keep up.

Hold on. Just wait-wait a second.

You you work here?

Hmm, well, who's asking?

[LAUGHS]

I'm just kidding. You are, obviously.

It's a great question.

Um, yeah, I do. Yes.

My family cut me off

because they thought

I was too obsessed

with you or something.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm sorry. You'll bounce back.

Oh, I already did. [CHUCKLES]

It turns out, earning

money is such a cute, like,

not-at-all disgusting adventure.

So

And I started seeing someone.

Wow. That was crazy fast.

- Yeah, not as fast as you.

- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]

I actually think you'd

really like this new guy.

Maybe we can all hang out sometime.

Yeah. [LAUGHS]

Yeah, that would actually be

That would be weird.

- Um, why?

- [LAUGHS]

I just don't think it's

a very good idea for me

to mix my old Nathan with my new Nath

my new, my-my new relationship.

It'd just be like bad juju or whatever.

Anyway, point is, I

am so much happier now.

He is so handsome, he's got great taste.

He would never leave me

stranded in a NeckGen,

tied to a chair. [LAUGHS]

Let's see, what else,

what else, what else?

Um big d*ck.

Loves his mom.

Definitely hasn't gained

weight or anything.

Why would you say that last part?

Oh, no reason. [CHUCKLES]

- Sounds like you traded up.

- Yeah.

Yeah, it's definitely

not a lateral move.

I'm happy for you, Ingrid.

I saw a sign in the window.

- Are you still hiring?

- Oh, sh*t.

Someone was supposed to take

that down when I started.

Ha. Me, I was. Oops.

Ugh.

I don't know what I'm gonna

do for the holiday tonight.

You know, I was hoping I'd find

some work, maybe buy a turkey

or a ham or something for my family.

You know, I heard that

they've got holiday work

at the meat-printing plant on Western.

I'm not sure how great the pay is,

but they let you keep the misprints.

That's great. Thank you, Ingrid.

You're a good friend.

- Nathan.

- Yeah?

Don't forget your trash bag.

[TONGUE CLICKS] That's not mine.

- No?

- I'll I'll take it out for you, though.

I got it. I got it, I got it.

[INGRID CHUCKLES]

Here's the traditional centerpiece.

[SIGHS]

Aw, the Free Shipping Ferret.

Well, if we're gonna teach him,

we might as well do it right.

[LAUGHS] Yeah, except I

don't have all day. Dig in.

- Should we say grace?

- No.

What's grace, Pastor Luke?

You're k*lling me, Luke.

Well, boys, grace.

First of all, grace is amazing.

Uh, that's the big one.

I believe it was God's second

aunt, uh, was named Grace.

Well, look who brought home the bacon.

Okay, well, not bacon.

[VIV] I don't know what this is,

but I'm gonna eat it.

It's a misprint. Turkey shape,

ham taste, cat food price.

So I guess I did kind

of bring home the bacon.

How was your day at work?

I saw the craziest thing.

- Okay? Really? Me, too.

- Mine's better.

- Wait till you hear this. Ingrid has a job.

- You have a copy.

Uh, wait, what?

After you left the system,

they restored you from a backup.

- But that's illegal.

- So are you.

Look, all I know is, there is

another you living in Lakeview.

Oh, my God. Is he

More muscular? Barely.

That's not what I was gonna say at all.

Who's paying for him?

Oh, Ingrid, of course.

Yeah, they're living

together in your old suite.

[CHUCKLES] I knew she wasn't over me.

So I'm the big-d*ck guy she's dating.

- Excuse me?

- She put me down,

lied to my face and flattered

me all at the same time.

I'm kind of impressed.

- You went to see Ingrid?

- Okay, easy, tiger.

I went to a hug suit shop to get a job,

and Ingrid was there working.

- [NORA] What?

- Okay, that's the craziest thing

that anyone has said so far.

That girl has a job?

I don't even have a job.

Wait a sec, is this

bad? He has my memories.

- What if he talks?

- Why would you talk?

- I don't know.

- I think it's good.

If anyone from the Freeyond

g*ng is looking for us,

you're still in Lakeview.

Was he just like me?

Well, I didn't talk to him.

He was occupied.

God, this is just, like

- [IMITATES expl*si*n]

- Hey, don't do that.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Yeah, no.

But if I did go [EXHALES]

at least you have a backup.

Yeah, who's sleeping with Ingrid.

Ow! What did I do?

I'm not sleeping with her.

He's sleeping with her.

We're sleeping with

I'm sleeping with you.

My favorite.

Sorry, Mom.

[SISTER] I mean, it was okay.

It's like she ain't put no

butter in the mashed potatoes.

Right, it was kind of

You started without me?

Just because you the

host does not make you

the center of the universe. [LAUGHS]

Look, I have low blood sugar.

[DAD] If we waited for you,

we would have never eaten.

Who knows what you're doing

behind your zombie glasses?

Well, how do you all

feel about the food?

That special printer, right?

I like the economy hams.

They're a little fattier.

[DAD] That's for sure. Let's

put some flavor on this.

Uh, work is calling.

I need to go. Sorry.

[LUKE] Oh.

She's here, guys. We can begin.

Finally.

You guys waited for me.

Teacher?

Is this how humans do it?

No. [STAMMERS]

Okay, make it go down the back.

But make it go down the back.

No, wait. Make it go down

Make it, make it go

Make it go down the back.

Down the back.

- Oh.

- Down the back.

- Down the back.

- [CHOKING]

[LUKE] Down the back.

- Oh.

- [ALEESHA] Yep.

Down the back.

Ugh. God.

- Mmm.

- A-plus-plus.

[LAUGHS]

You guys are perfect.

Ingrid.

Thank God. What do you think?

Blazer? No blazer?

Blazer?

I know it's just a buffet, but it's also

the biggest holiday in

Lakeview, so I want to look good.

- Yeah, sure.

- Sure?

We're talking about fashion. You okay?

No, I just, I just don't

really know what the big deal is

over a big, stupid, overpriced buffet.

I mean, it's not like

you can really eat anyway,

so I don't know if it's worth it.

- Hey.

- It's just like one big waste of money.

- You know? But I mean

- Hey.

[CRYING]

Nathan, I'm really sorry.

I just can't afford

the buffet this year.

I got cut off by my

family and now I'm

I'm p

I'm po

I'm poor.

- [CRYING]

- What?

I wasn't at the salon earlier. I was

I was working. [GAGS]

Oh, God.

Please, please don't judge me.

I am so ashamed of this job.

Oh, my God, Ingrid.

[WHISPERS] Are you doing sex work?

What? No.

God. Sex work isn't shameful.

I'm in I'm in retail.

It is disgusting!

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

Don't laugh.

Hey. Babe.

Babe, I would not judge you for working.

- Okay? If I could, I would work, too.

- Yeah.

You pay for my entire existence here.

Ingrid, I'm grateful.

- Really?

- Yes.

My independent, professional boss lady

doing sexy-ass boss lady things.

Today I scrubbed mold from

the inside of the testing suit.

I'm so proud of you.

And CyberDiscountDay isn't

about material things,

like the best buffet ever,

it's about friends and family and love.

Oh, Brownie.

[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

I love our little family.

Me, too.

Speaking of which, I haven't

heard from my mom today.

And thank you for Uncle Nathan.

It's the best to have him back.

Same as before. I mean, almost the same.

You know, I guess you

don't work out or something

like you used to, but it's fine.

You still look great, with

or without your muscles.

- [NATHAN] What the f*ck?

- Nathan, relax.

[NEVAEH] I'm so sorry.

All I meant to say is that

you have a little bit more to hug.

- I love you, though.

- [VIV] Aw.

I love you.

- [NEVAEH] Thanks.

- All right, guys.

Don't be jealous. That's his niece.

Ew, I know.

I just thought, 'cause you're new.

No. You're new.

Hey, if you could, uh, kick Nevaeh

in the leg under the table,

- that'd be super.

- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]

- [DEVICE CHIMING]

- [VIV] Oh. Oh?

Uh uh-oh.

[STAMMERS] Uh, i-it's Backup.

- It's the backup. What do I do?

- A Answer it.

- Let me talk

- No, no, no.

- I just want to see.

- Shh.

- Hey. Happy CyberDiscountDay.

- Let me talk to him.

- I'm just gonna I just want to see.

- Oh, wow, you got a turkey?

- No, you got a ham?

- Stop it.

- Ew, what is that?

- [NATHAN] You stop it.

Uh, Nathan got I got

it as a gift from a friend.

- [SHUSHING]

- Okay. Nice.

- Well

- Let me

Look, I didn't hear from you all day,

so, just wanted to

make sure you were okay.

- Totally okay. Never better.

- [LAUGHS]

What's so funny?

- Nothing.

- Tell me.

She's just laughing because she's drunk.

I-It's a little hectic here.

- Nathan.

- Mom, you can't let Nevaeh drink.

I'm not, it was a, it-it was a joke.

A-Anyhow, you know, I got to go.

The-the ham-urkey is getting cold.

Okay, well, um, I love you guys,

- I miss you. I hope to see you soo

- Bye.

Oh, Mom. You could have

been a little nicer.

Honey, it's a copy.

What was he like?

Handsome.

How handsome?

- Way more handsome than you.

- Mm-hmm.

And also needy.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like, super needy.

Super needy. Yeah, I get it. Okay.

He's super handsome and he's

super needy because he is me.

Okay, but, seriously, tell

me everything. I need to know.

- I need to know, please.

- [LAUGHS]

Just

I love you.

♪

♪