01x13 - Dumber Dolls

[bunniefuu]

Gentlemen, behold...

My time-space contin--

what?!

Uh, Dr. Weird?

See you later. Have a good weekend.

Houston, we have successfully landed

on a grass planet.

Hooray!

Roger that, Vanessa.

We have come to sign a historic peace accord

with the grass people-- the grassenoids.

Houston, a ship approaches.

Maybe it's the senators

of the grassenoid confederation

coming to welcome us.

What the h-- hey!

You better tell your astronauts

they need to watch

where they land their ship next time,

'cause they might get overrun

by the alien life form.

They ain't got no ship. They use rocket boots.

They don't use nothin' now, do they?

You shut up!

I'm going to have a moment of silence

for our brave astronauts.

Hey, you better hit the force fields there,

'cause here on moweropolis, you're next!

Houston, it's captain Meatwad.

Abort mission!

And then he's shouting

that my astronauts were living together in sin

and that they deserved to be mulched.

Then he's just jabbering

and cranking the mower at me--

it's all right, Meatwad.

We're going to get you a new doll.

Well, then give me that jiggle Billy.

That's the one I want-- with the munchkin

and the moonshine and the night-vision goggle

and the bare feet.

Damn.

Say, how about this doll?

I bet he's fun, and he's only . .

Happy time Harry?

I don't know. Does he come with a musket?

'Cause that could be a deal breaker.

No, but he's got on red dancing glitter shoes,

and I know how much you like to dance.

I don't know. He looks real tired...

And bald.

Look, this is the one we're gonna get, ok?

Hey, I'm happy time Harry.

You got a problem with that?

'Cause if you do, we'll go right now.

Easy. I just figured we'd do some dancing or something.

No. I don't do that. I wrenched my back

lifting boxes a few years ago.

My old lady kicked me out

'cause her sister was comin' on to me.

Goodness! Was she attractive?

Uh, you know, I don't know.

I was passed out, so...

That's a sad story.

Yeah.

So, um, I'm looking in that box,

and I'm noticing you ain't got no, uh,

m*ssile launcher or sn*per r*fle or anything.

No! No, I don't have a firearm.

I just got these-- action bills.

Those sound like fun. Uh, let's go swimming!

You know, that might cheer you up.

Oh, yeah. Swimming sounds like

a really fun idea.

Why don't you go swimming?

I got to take a nap, all right?

Get me up at midnight,

'cause I got to go to work.

Hey, Meatwad.

How's that old happy time Harry?

Hey, pipe down!

Shh. Quiet, Frylock. He's still sleeping.

Well, Meatwad, it's : in the afternoon.

Maybe you should get him up

and go play outside or something.

No. He said he's going to spend the rest of the day

figuring out how he's going to pay his bills.

So he's got little doll bills, huh?

That's cute.

Shut up!

Not really.

He says it don't matter how hard you work

or how much you do.

You're always going to be in the hole.

Sometimes he says, "get out of my face.

You got a problem with that?"

And, "I'll cut you."

He says all that?

Yeah, and his medicine costs a lot of money, too.

Then I'll tell you what.

Here's a check for $ million

in fun money. I'll bet that

will make him really happy.

Yeah, maybe this will put a dent in it.

I sure thank you, and I know he does, too.

You think this is a game?

Yes. I mean, do you think

I live in pretend land?

sh**t. What's gonna make you happy?

Pills, ok? Get me some pills.

Frylock, where are the pills?

Pills?! What do you need pills for?

Well, happy time Harry needs them.

He says that the pills make the phone calls go away.

Ok, Meatwad.

This is a prescription

from Dr. Frylock

for jolly sunshine happiness.

You think this is a game?!

They're gonna garnish his wages,

and how is he going to pay child support then, huh?

I'll tell you-- he ain't.

I don't think I like your tone,

and I damn sure don't like your doll.

What's this I hear

about you needing pills and money?

Whoa!

Not on the rug!

Oh, my god! You reek of liquor!

Let's open a window.

Look, man, all you had

was root beer and triple sec.

I was gonna make margaritas with that!

Oh, man! You had Tequila the whole time?

Well, where the-- where is it?

Meatwad, I thought this was

a happy time dancing doll!

No, dude. I have to get

totally ripped to dance.

Yeah. He's...

He's kind of dull.

Flip him over. That's how Hendrix d*ed.

Nah. Just leave him.

He's just gonna die soon anyway.

What kind of attitude is that?!

Why don't you open your eyes and take a look

at the world around you, man?

You can see there ain't no point.

Tomorrow I'm getting you a new doll

with a sunnier attitude!

Hey, man, while you're there,

you get me that happy time

dialysis machine,

all right? Dialysis?!

Yeah. I had half my liver removed once,

and I'm not supposed to drink,

but...i do.

The villagers are frightened.

They need a sacrifice to the mighty gorilla.

You must have something else!

No. You done destroyed everything.

What about if I do this to the carpet, huh?

Ha ha ha ha! How do you like that one?

Hey, who is this jackass?

Will somebody tell him I'm trying to sleep?

That's just my jackass roommate.

Is that your new doll? Your dancing doll, huh?

You'll be dancing, all right, buddy,

inside the flame,

'cause I'm taking you! Ha ha ha ha!

Go ahead. He don't care.

I don't care. We all gonna die.

Well, look! He's in my hand right now,

and he's going away, and he's never

coming back! Ha ha ha ha!

Are you sleeping?

I've seen it, ok?!

Just take him out and do him.

Go ahead, man. Let's do this thing.

I told you I'd do it. I'm gonna do it now.

Hey, Meatwad! Look at this!

Come to the window!

Big-time fun, you know what I mean?

Ok, dude, I just did all the prep work.

Now, let's get it on. Do it!

Well, sh**t. I mean, I was just going

to sort of blow your jaw off

with a firecracker or something.

I wasn't going to, you know...

I think I need to go pray.

Hey, that milkShake's got no guts, man.

You know, happy time, just being around you

kind of makes me want to die.

Hey, you guys. Look who showed up.

We have a visitor.

Well, tarnation! I'm jiggle Billy!

And look--

he brought his expensive night-vision goggles

for night jiggling.

Come on, y'all!

Commence to jiggling!

Yeah!

♪Swing your partner round and round ♪

Well, I'll leave y'all alone.

Looks like y'all are gonna have yourselves

a rootin', tootin' jiggle-off.

So...

We jigglin' or...

Hey, backwoods ret*rd.

Not now. Not ever.

Ok! Nap time!

You think they're getting along out there?

Yeah, look. I mean, they're just playing.

They're just having fun.

You know how dolls are.

They're always having tea parties or something,

drinking tea and-- oh, goodness.

No, that's no tea party.

Maybe I should go out there.

Frylock, you stay far away

from that doll with the red shoes

if you know what's good for you.

You know, sometimes I like

to take this Kn*fe and just

cut myself... Heh heh heh heh...

See how hard I can do it

before I just pass out, man.

Whoo! Yeah!

Well, uh...

Commence the jiggling, huh?

Hey, wiggle jiggle,

let me ask you something.

Why do you dance so much?

I don't know.

Is it 'cause deep inside,

you know that you're a fraud,

that you're a lie, that you're a sham?

No, I j-just...

Come on! Everybody likes to jiggle, right?

No.

Phone call for Meatwad!

Very important.

Hey, man, you know why you came

in that box, right?

It's 'cause someone put you there...

To die.

Now, that ain't true, now. I got...

I got me these night-vision goggles.

For what? You're a hillbilly.

You don't even know who you are, do you?

Look at you. You're a clown.

You're a joke.

I don't know why I have these goggles.

I wonder who this is.

It sure sounds official.

Hello? Nope. No, thank you.

Yeah! I'm not interested.

I sold your name to charity.

Take my name off the list, please.

Now you're gonna get some calls! Whoo! Ha ha ha!

And they just keep coming. Ha ha ha ha!

You'll wish--you'll wish I never did this.

No. I'm off the list now.

Yeah. He's off the list. It's over.

Something's gonna happen!

Why won't you get pissed off?!

What was that?

Jiggle Billy!

I had nothin' to do with it, man.

He did himself,

'cause he couldn't stand being with you.

No, you see this? Look. He's still jiggling.

No, that's something else.

Hey, pardner. I'm still alive.

I'm just real depressed.

That's it! You're out of here like last year.

Oh, yeah? You got what it takes, man?

Huh? Do you? Pull the trigger.

Pull it! Pull it! Now!

Don't do it! That's what he wants,

so we're going to do the opposite.

Prepare to be immortal!

You're gonna Chuck him off a cliff?

Shake, we could've chucked him off the roof

and stayed at home.

No, this is a magic cliff here,

like in the highlander.

So you will become the highlander,

and you'll roam the earth forever,

trying to k*ll yourself,

but you won't be able to, because you'll be immortal.

Won't that suck, little man?

Ha ha ha ha!

Well, actually,

that sounds kind of cool.

Yeah, it does.

Then I'm gonna do it.

No, you're not! I'm doing it!

Shake, wait!

The highlander was just a movie.

Oh, Frylock,

the highlander was a documentary,

and the events happened in real time.

So this cliff is magic?

Oh, yeah. Big time.

I'm doing it now.

No, man. Look.

You got to be born a highlander.

You can't just become one.

See? He saw the movie, too.

That's right.

I know I saw cliffs, ok?

And there was lots of magic everywhere,

and Mel Gibson.

Uh, braveheart? Hello?

You think you're the expert?

Let's see how much your ass knows about flying.

Yeah! That's what I'm talking about.

You done? Because that took forever.

I am--well, I am forever.

I am immortal!

Shake, no!

Wait! Wait! I'm not immortal here, ok?

Hang on, Shake. We'll call for help.

Pretend to let go.

Yeah. Hurry! I think that

the branch will hold for--

it's not holding!

So...i guess the highlander

comes out of traction today.

I hope they fixed his eyes.

They got messed up pretty bad

in that fall.

The doctors gave him some hard plastic replacements,

so don't stare at him, ok?

He's real self-conscious about it.

Ok.

Alas! I return.

Oh, there you are.

Dang! What happened

to your eyes? They look weird.

Shut up. There can be only one!

We'll be grilling tonight.