01x12 - Love Mummy

[bunniefuu]

Gentlemen,

I bring you

more corn!

Gee, I don't know, man.

I mean, after last time--

this time shall be different!

Well, all right.

'Cause I am hungry again.

It's not different at all,

is it, Steve?

Ha ha ha!

Shake?

Shake, turn those damn monster movies dow--

Shake?

Who's watching my TV?

'Cause they're about to turn it off.

I bought the damn TV.

Will you both shut up and listen?

Sounds like it's coming

through the floor.

Will you shut up?! You hear me?!

It's : in the morning, and I need to sleep!

Ooh. Hey, can I have some of that?

Just try to block out the noise

and go to sleep.

We'll deal with it in the morning.

Sure. I'll be able to do that.

I'll just go to sleep, and then tomorrow morning,

I'm gonna call me a social worker

and tell them I'm in unfit living conditions,

and the city will be over here

so fast that i--oh!

Damn. Look like another problem

for my boys at aqua teen.

Don't you never do that to me again.

Half my ball is asleep.

I'm detecting carbon residue

that's over , years old.

Whatever's moaning in that crawlspace is--

just a little baby raccoon

that stepped on a Thorn maybe

and got lost from his mama.

And is over , years old.

I mean, they exercise.

I see them jumping on trees and--

come in!

And is moaning in English?

The raccoon is American,

obviously.

Come in!

Say, why don't you go in there and check it out?

I mean, like you said, he is American, right?

Now here's another idea--hell, no.

You go check it out.

Come in!

But maybe if you disguise yourself,

you can enter the room undetected.

You know, that's a good idea.

I'll become the igloo.

He'll see me in the crawlspace,

and he'll say, "hey, igloo.

Eskimos must live here."

That's a brilliant camouflage.

You're the smart one.

I sure am.

Hey, igloo! Aah!

That ain't no damn raccoon!

I told you I was gonna call that social worker!

I'm gonna do it now.

I do not need to live here.

Love!

Love?

Oh, my god!

Meatwad, come in here!

Love! Hugs!

Well, wait, Frylock.

Maybe--

maybe he just wants a hug.

That's what he wants.

No, Meatwad. You must never hug a mummy.

Uhh! Hug mummy!

Curse!

See? See? What'd I tell you? If you disturb

his ancient tomb, you'll be forever cursed.

No! Hug!

Curse!

No, no. I know, mummy.

No need to repeat yourself.

I am fully aware of your cheap trickery.

I think what he's saying, Frylock,

is he wants us to hug him

or else he's gonna curse us.

Yes!

Thank you.

So let's dust him off

and give him a big old bear hug.

Yeah. You go on

and hug him, Meatwad.

I don't do that.

Both! Both! Sugar!

Look, I ain't hugging no damn mummy.

Curse!

All right, fine.

But don't you tell anybody we did this.

All right! All right!

Ahh.

Lunch! Lunch!

I see you found the mummy there.

You knew about this, Carl?

Oh, yeah, yeah. I mean, you think you're weird. Ha ha!

I mean, the guys before you--

I don't care what you do

behind closed doors, you know.

But once you start putting mummies in the yard

where I can see them, it becomes my business.

Hungry! Lunch!

They don't die neither.

You're in it for the long haul, there.

Why you think your rent was so low there, genius?

Well, I just figured

we had found a good deal.

Oh, yeah. You found a deal there--

deal of a lifetime. Ha ha!

Food now!

Yeah, you--you go feed your mummy there

for the rest of your life. See you!

Here you go-- hot grilled cheese.

Oh, come on, now! I just made those!

Lobster!

Lobster?

Surf, turf!

Well, hell. I take that grilled cheese.

We're frugal people, ok?

We don't generally eat lobster and steak for lunch.

Curse!

You cannot be serious.

You better try lord of the lobster

off of th street. They're the closest.

And get them to throw in

some of them yeast rolls

with the dipping sauce.

Shut up and eat your cheese sandwich!

If you bringing that mummy back a lobster,

you better bring me back a cheesesteak, fool.

You better recognize.

Listen to this.

What did Frankenstein say

when the wolf man asked him

if he could come out and play?

This is a good one, now.

He had to go ask his mummy.

Hee hee hee!

Well, it's ok.

I mean, it only works on that one level.

But here's a good one,

and this one is about a one-eyed prost*tute

and a person of the Polish persuasion.

Ok, lobster time.

I'll tell you later. Do I get a lobster?

I just got you those rolls

you asked for.

I ain't eating bread. Now, I want a lobster.

Butter! Butter!

No, I know. I got extra butter.

Now, go on and eat your lobster.

Why does he get the lobster?

'Cause he's the mummy, damn it!

Now, shut up.

Hey! That was almost a $ lobster.

Maine! Maine!

Look, frozen lobster is just as good.

That wasn't a live Maine lobster?

What are you trying to pull here?

Well, look at that steak, there.

That's a good cut of meat there.

Eat that. Hey!

Overdone!

Do you know what time it is, huh?

It's : in the afternoon,

and people are trying to sleep.

Whose mummy?

I found it in the crawlspace.

So you were the one doing all the moaning

when I was trying to sleep, huh?!

You don't want to piss him off.

He has the power to curse you.

Do it, Shake. Piss him off.

I do what I want

when I want and how I want,

and no mummy-- you hear me, band-aid...

Here it comes.

No mummy is gonna tell me what to do!

Curse!

Curse!

Curse!

Oh, damn.

You done? We all done here?

Curse!

Now are you done?

Yes.

'Cause I'm done listening to you.

I got a curse for you. It's called,

"tomorrow morning, your ass is out of here."

I'm going back to bed!

Curse!

I heard it already! I know! It's a frigging curse!

It's like I'm living with a pack of frigging animals!

Shake, I hate to tell you this,

but I think you may have been cursed.

Gee whiz. You think?!

'Cause, you know, he only said it

about a thousand times!

I'm dead serious, Shake.

If you start to feel your eyes boil

or anything weird like that,

you page me immediately.

And where are you gonna be?

I'm gonna make a quick stop

at the library.

Mall!

After I go to the damn mall.

Bored, bored,

bored, bored.

Ah, here we are-- mummies for dummies.

Bored!

Shh! We're in a library.

He's right, Frylock. What can I say?

This is boring. Let's go to the mall

and buy me that action frank doll.

No, we're not gonna buy you any--

curse! Curse!

No, no. I know. "Curse, curse."

I heard it. I'm moving.

Look, taking a mummy to the mall

is like taking Frankenstein home for dinner.

You just don't do it, man.

You just don't do it.

How come the mummy got all that stuff?

I keep showing you this action frank doll,

and you didn't do nothing.

Ok, we're finally home.

Again! Again!

Please, mummy.

I'm starved, and I'm exhausted.

Why don't you go play around

on your new rock-climbing wall

that you--

lessons! Lessons!

Oh, and i'm gonna call right now

about those rock-climbing lessons.

You just hang out with Meatwad right here

and guard all your precious things.

♪ Curse ♪

No, no. I know, I know. I'm on the clock.

You got watches.

Why don't you just time me?

See if they sync up.

Hey, mummy. When he comes back out here,

you say real loud-like,

"action frank doll,"

like you like to do, ok?

Shake, how you feeling?

I'd feel better if you shut the hell up

while this is on.

Here's a great frigging idea for you.

How about one minute of silence in this house

when I'm trying to watch something?

Wow. Your eyes didn't even blister up.

Get your hands off me, brother!

You've been touching that mummy.

You know, I saw you hugging him

in the basement.

I wasn't hugging him.

Go hang out with your dead mummified wife.

I got to go to my room now.

Mummy lover!

Let's see. Curse, curse, curse.

Here we are.

"The curse of the mummy

"is actually just a figure of speech.

"Vomiting locusts for a thousand years

"is just an old wives' tale.

"The real curse of the mummy

"is that he is completely socially inept,

"devoid of all manners, gold-digging, manipulative,

"and a selfish brat.

"Don't ever wake him

"unless you have a lot of time and money on your hands.

Thank you for buying mummies for dummies."

Action frank.

Just put a little more oomph into it.

You didn't even seem like you wanted it

on that one.

Action frank!

There you go. Sound off like you got a pair.

Oh, Frylock, what are you do--

I guess you better go get him

that action frank doll.

He's been wailing about it all day.

I'd hate to see what's about to happen.

You know what I mean?

No. I think I've got a better idea.

Boxes! No, not cool...

Stack the boxes up real high.

Try to make it look like

we're not throwing away a mummy.

I'm the king, king Carl.

♪ Da da da da da ♪

You know I'm your ruler.

Yeah. Shut up!

It's very nice, Carl.

It really brings out the gold in the, uh...

That golden region

in your shirt.

Yeah! I knew you'd be jealous.

Shouldn't have thrown it away there, fryman.

Now it's frigging mine.

Yeah!

Hoo-whee.

So should we tell him?

No, no. Let Shake do it, Meatwad.

He'll know exactly what to say.

Carl, what the hell happened to you?

Ha ha! What?

Oh, god!