11x09 - The Greatest Story Ever Told

[bunniefuu]

Y'all ready for this?

My name is

I'm Meatwad, I'm a beef blob

I'm an igloo, or a hot dog

what? Boom I'm street, I got the b*at

yeah, b*tches you mess with me, you get concrete feet

I got jacked by the cops and sh*t my tater tots

yo, boyee busted the mooninites for slinging moon rocks

Milk, Milk, lemonade fools

around the corner, fudge is made

yeah I like spraying booties with my ice-cream straw

treat my hos like a cop's bear claw

got a Meatwad watch and a lemonade Shake

yeah do fries go with that?

Here come the drum break

aw, doughnuts

yeah, boy doughnuts, doughnuts

oh, yeah

Aqua teen won't ever be canceled

aqua teen won't be dismantled

aqua teen gonna be together

aqua teen, we're gonna be forever

oh, no, you didn't!

Meatwad, it's not working! Do you copy?

Something has pissed them off!

Shake, get back to the ship!

You made them mad...

Ha, look at me photo-bombing them clams.

That was some weekend, huh?

Yep. Good times.

Yep, that was last weekend.

What we gonna do today?

It isn't today, Meatwad.

It's the first day of eternity.

Because I just found out...

That I'm immortal!

-Well, congratu-damn-lations!
-Thank you.

-That's a big deal.
-Yeah.

Question -- am I immortal?

I hope not.

But you could be.

You know, he loves the poor and the gross

and slimy and worthless...

And look at you. You're all of those things.

What are you talking about? Who loves me?

The guy in here, man.

And the guy in here -- the Bible.

This says "the bibble."

You question the words of the mighty Jimmy?

-No, I would never --
-you better kneel down

and pray to Jimmy with me right frickin' now!

What y'all doin'?

Uh, we're looking for a booger he dropped

because I told him we don't put our boogers on the floor.

So we're trying to find it so we can put it on the table.

Hey, Frylock, you want to be immortal?

He is not chosen!

Jimmy don't want no French fries in his posse.

This is spelled "bibble," man.

Oh, you're reading now? Suck it!

Why can't Frylock be immortal?

He'll never enter the kingdom with us.

What kingdom?

Kingdom of...Kong. It's in the book.

"The bibble, Jimmy, and kingdom Kong"?

It's up in the clouds -- with lando!

And didn't I tell you to suck it?!

I don't hear any...

You know this book is self-published...

Yes, like many ancient texts.

...on the back of a bunch of pharmacy labels.

Do not blaspheme the book of clozapine!

Come on, Meatwad. Follow me down the righteous path.

Begone, ye fryman!

I live here. You're the one who's leaving.

And leaving we are!

Onward so!

"Immortality."

Bunch of bullshit. No one lives forever.

Not without ceaseless shampoo, they don't. Yeah.

-Good morning, fryman.
-Oh, hey, Carl.

You having fun there,

just sort of spooging up my pool like that?

Well, I was gonna say that the city shut off the water,

but that would just be another lie.

Thank you. Honesty. That's all I ask for.

Our friendship begins today.

Let me see that.

"Ceaseless shampoo cleans deep into the soul,

giving all who bathe in it the gift of everlasting life."

Yeah, man, I feel stronger, too.

Damn, I think this is working!

Carl? Carl?!

I'm gonna live forever!

That shampoo is expensive!

Only three bottles of that shampoo were ever made, Carl!

Well, they better make some more,

'cause this all needs cleaning, buddy!

Carl, you're glowing!

Damn right I am! It's working!

I can frickin' feel my soul tingling!

I'm gonna live forever, too!

ChristopherLambert?

It's Lambert. The "t" is silent.

I'm from sco-land.

You're in "Highlander "!

What are you doing in my bedroom?

I smelled your ceaseless shampoo on the wind.

So the shampoo -- it really works!

Unfortunately, yes.

Once the shampoo is in you, it has no way to get out.

You are forever immortal.

-Hell yeah! -That's what I'm talkin' 'bout, boy!

Chest bump right now.

-Damn!
-Booyaka!

You must have witnessed so many amazing things!

-Boring.
-You did you meet Jesus, right?

Boring -- talked about himself.

-What about Buddha?
-Complete tool.

What about, like, rob halford of Judas priest?

Damn it. I suppose I could still meet rob halford.

Yeah, "screaming for vengeance"!

-Ghandi?
-Yes. God, shut up.

My memories are a roadmap that lead to pain and boredom.

Here, take my sword. You see my head?

Chop it off.

You -- what, for reals?

Yes, for reals.

All right, say what I told you.

I know how to act, I've been in sag-aftra since .

Just read the thing I wrote.

"I, ChristopherLambert, of sound mind and bitchin' hair,

agree to have this badass and this French-fry numbnuts

to chop my head off."

Thank you. See that protects me legally

when I post this video up online.

Boom! Yeah! I'm a highlander, too!

-Oh, no.
-Oh, my God!

Oh, no, no! Damn it, damn it, damn it!

We just k*lled ChristopherLambert, Carl!

I told you this was a dumbass idea!

How are they gonna make

Engage the Space Kurgan"

without him?

-Kidding, ha ha.
-Oh, thank God.

But even kidding is not fun. For I am bored still.

-Damn, son.
-Holy hell.

Hey, this gives me a good idea.

Yeah, there you go!

Carl, what the hell, man?!

Geronimo!

Little needle-drop speed metal, it's not bad.

Give it a little heat.

I've seen this.

Oh, here we go, I love this one!

And boom! Ha ha ha.

Boring. No interest.

Please turn your bibbles to the book of methadone

and bow your heads.

-Ramma lamma.
-Ramma lamma.

-Alabama.
-Alabama.

It's as beautiful as it is true.

-Oobie doobie.
-Oobie doobie.

-Deebie dobbie.
-Deebie dobbie.

-Amen.
-Ahhh!

It's the greatest story ever told.

Eat of my flesh...

...and drink of my blood.

For I am so hopped up on cocaine, I know not what I do.

Uh...

Go on, err, partake of my flesh.

I'm not eating people today.

Put some g*dd*mn steak sauce on it. It's not bad.

-Here boy, here boy...
-Hey! That's part of my cheek.

I didn't cut it off so you could just,

you know, feed it to the dog, okay?!

Oh! The beast is in heat!

It's stooping me all over my crevices!

Shh! It's okay, it's okay, 'cause tonight, it's you.

That's some good c.G. Work.

No, that ain't c.G. That's ceaseless shampoo.

That's for reals.

Me, fryman,Lambert,

-we're gonna live forever.
-Boring.

Oh, cool! Me, too. Through Jimmy.

We should hang out -- forever.

Like them twins from "the shining"?

Well, well, well.

Still kicking the tires around

on my weird religion, fry-nerd?

Here, chug from Jimmy's chalice.

Eternity.

-Gross. -Yeah, you need to take your dumb ass to the hospital, Shake.

But I live forever through him.

-No, you won't.
-You know, through Jimmy.

-Religion ain't the answer.
-Yeah, no, it's shampoo!

-Shampoo is the answer!
-Wait a minute.

-Did you touch my cocaine?
-You got booger sugar?

Don't you touch my cocaine! That is my cocaine!

Disciples of Jimmy! Draw your weapons!

Everyone, open fire -- do it.

-Yeah, do it man.
-See what happens.

That was friggin' awesome!

Yeah, baby, yeah!

Boring.

Dang, boy, your shampoo done that?

-I want the shampoo!

-Get your hands in the air!

Step away from the cocaine and all that delicious prime rib!

Taste doom, hogs of the night.

Mooninites, reunite!

Re-unit-e on ice.

The b*llet of death blips towards you.

Forgive them, Jimmy, they know not what they --

we've done the sh**t already once.

Bored.

Oh, you ain't getting bored here.

Ron's unbelievable. Watch this, he turns stuff into birds.

Birds, huh? That's different, at least.

A-one, a-two, a-three!

Half a bitch!

sh*t! Baby girl!

Damn it, I told you the other box! No!

This sorcerer seems... Unreputable.

I shouldn't have never even been drinking up here.

Presto disappear-o!

Turn that damn camera off.

Ain't nobody need to see this sh*t.

Lambert!

Oh, why did this happen to me?!

We need to split Carl, quietly.

Yeah, he's making witnesses disappear-o.

Head-o disappear-o!

Are you carlitovonlongdongtrimchaser?

Oh, cool, you saw my beheading video!

Hey, send that link around. I need to get some hits!

-Hey!
-You're wanted in questioning

for the bizarre broadsword-and-blender death

of "Highlander " actor ChristopherLambert.

-Why? No, he k*lled me, too.
-No, see, he's not dead.

-Come on man, we come back.
-He's a highlander.

Movie magic. Tell it to the judge.

Well, they tellin' me

you can't serve a second consecutive life sentence

until the first life sentence is up.

And it can't be up until I die,

which can't happen because I'm immortal!

How many times do I need to tell that dumbass public defender?

Your tattoo is r*cist.

Sorry, I'm a white supremacist now.

I guess they're still trying to electrocute Carl.

How many days are they gonna do this?

-That felt good.

How about you crank it up, bitch?!

ChristopherLambert is the only one

that can get us out of here, Meatwad.

Find him and we'll be exonerated!

What he look like?

I told your dumb ass, damn it -- five white birds!

Last time I saw him, he flew South, okay?

So, you know, check Florida, I guess.

Is this him?

Ah, hell, man. That's fried chicken and you know it!

Hey, hey, hey! You're not supposed to bring

ChristopherLambert in here.

Oh, sorry, that's just fried chicken. Okay, that's cool.

Because, for a second, it looked like ChristopherLambert.

Listen, there's still a little shampoo in the medicine cabinet.

You can be immortal, too, Meatwad.

We can all live together, forever!

Then we can be on TV forever?

Oh, yeah, absolutely!

We'll be on TV for a long time. We'll never st--

come on, really?

So that's it. That's how they end this series?

Yeah, I guess so.

We still got a few seconds left. Let's do a joke.

Let's do like, a joke or something.

Made in Georgia.