01x05 - Innocents in Space

[bunniefuu]

[doorbell rings]

-Oh, Dennis.

For Heaven's sake, stop that.

-Hey, Mr. Wilson.

Could I watch you put
in your new window?

-What new window?

-The bay window that Mrs.
Wilson said you were getting.

[theme music]


-Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

-Dennis, how many times have
I told you not to slam--

are those the clean overalls
I put on you this morning?

-I put them on, Mom.

All you did was hand them to me.

-Never mind that.

How did it get that way?

-On account of Mr.
Wilson's got a dirty tree.

-Ask her.

-Oh yeah.

Is it o'clock yet?

-Just about.

-Oh, boy!

-Wait a minute, fellas.

I've got a lot of
figuring to do.

-Gee whiz, Dad.

This is the day Captain
Blast is gonna land on Mars.

-And the Mars guys
got a real mean king

and he's real mean
and everything.

-All right.

Keep the sound low.

-Tommy, did you just
sit in some mud?

-Yeah, Mrs. Mitchell.

But it's OK.

I just now washed it
off with the hose.

-Well, boys and girls.

How do you like that?

The Martians have locked
me in my own space ship!

Say, maybe Lieutenant
Peep has an idea.

You know, sometimes these
little people from Venus

see obvious solutions
that we Earth people miss.

Lieutenant Peep, can you think
of a way out of our dilemma?

I'm getting his thought waves.

Why, that's a wonderful
idea, Lieutenant.

Boys and girls, Lieutenant
Peep has a wonderful idea.

And we'll tell you
all about it right

after this word
from our sponsor.

-I'm sorry, dear.

I'll wait til Captain
Blast is finished.

-Oh, that's all right, Martha.

Do you know what that
middle aged nincompoop

is telling the poor kids today?

-Well, if he annoys
you so, why do you

watch him every Saturday?

-Because he's so
scientifically inaccurate.

He fascinates me.

He's got those
children believing

that his partner, a monkey,
came all the way from Venus.

Ah, he oughta be horse whipped.

I tell you, Martha--

-Now, now, George.

It's only fantasy.

After all, the fairy
stories we learned

as children didn't hurt us any.

-Ah, if I could find legal
grounds, I'd sue that fat head.

-Oh, George.

-Hm?

-Mr. Sandy Loomis called.

I think he's president of
the optical company where

you bought your new telescope.

-President nothing.

He's just an eager beaver clerk.

Oh, what did he have to say?

-He said he's bringing over
the new telescope today.

-That's just great.

-I thought you'd be pleased.

Are you through
watching your program?

-Forever.

CAPTAIN BLAST (ON
TV): And that's

on the corner of
First and Maple.

And now, boys and girls,
here's Lieutenant Peep's plan.

I'll tell the
Martians that I have

a huge private army
down on the Earth.

Now of course, the Martians
won't believe this.

So we'll have to do something
to prove it to them.

And here's where you come in.

-OK!

-What should we do?

-At : tonight and
every night this week,

right after the sun goes
down, I want every last cadet

to fire his terrestrial
tracer g*n up into the air.

- , , carry the --

-Remember, the little
hand will be on seven

and the big hand will be on six.

Remember, the little hand on
seven and the big hand on six.

- , , big hand on .

CAPTAIN BLAST (ON TV): When

tonight and see all
these terrestrial tracer

b*ll*ts being shot
up into the air,

they'll be frightened
by the size of my army.

So don't let me down.

-We won't.

-Boy, that Lieutenant
Peep sure is smart.

-Remember, if you're the
winner, Lieutenant Peep

and I will come right
down to your house.

[noise from tv]
Sh.

I think the Martians
are coming back.

Now don't forget.

sh**t those g*ns tonight.

-We won't forget.

-Let me look.

It's my telescope.

-Simply checking the
adjustments, Mr. Wilson.

After all, this is a
Brenavulson and not a spyglass.

-I know what it is, Mr. Loomis.

I picked it out and paid for it.

If you recall, I traded
a smaller telescope

in on this one.

So I'm not entirely
new to the field.

-You should see the beautiful
penumbra on this sun spot.

-Well, let me see.

-It's hard to believe
that a penumbra could

have such majesty.

-Well, let me look!

-Mr. Wilson, you're
jiggling the Brenavulson.

-Oh, sorry.

-Wait til tonight.

Wait until tonight when the
entire universe is in blossom.

Oh, how I envy you.

You might even be the very
first to see our new satellite.

-By golly, I might at that.

Has there been any word?

-Well, Canaveral thinks
it's in orbit and-- say,

why don't I come over
tonight and I'll--

-Oh, oh, no thanks, Loomis.

I can handle it myself.

Thanks and goodbye.

-I hate to leave her--

-Well, maybe you can come
over and visit her someday.

Bye.
-Thank you.

-What a beauty.

-Wanna see a couple of real
swell balloons, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, go away, Dennis.

-They give them to you when
your mom buys you shoes.

-Well, that's swell.

-What are you looking
through that big pipe for?

-I was sh**ting the sun.

-Gee.

Where do they put the b*ll*ts?

-Dennis!

This is a telescope.

It's a very expensive telescope.

It's a delicate
instrument, so I don't

want you anywhere near it.

Ever.

-Jeepers, OK.

Hey!

Can you see up to Mars on
that telescope, Mr. Wilson?

-Yes.

Goodbye, boys.

-We got a friend
that's up there.

-Fine.

I'll give him your regard.

Wait a minute.
What friend?

-His name is Captain Blast and
[inaudible] Lieutenant Peep.

He's a Venus guy.

Why, he's up there right now!

-Lieutenant Peep
is not a Venus guy.

He's just a plain,
ordinary, everyday,

run of the mill monkey!

-Oh, you're wrong, Mr. Wilson.

All of the Venus guys
look like monkeys.

-Sure they do, Mr. Wilson.

-All right, boys.

You're about to get your
first real science lesson.

This is a refracting telescope.

And in it, there's a dark filter
so we can look at the sun.

-Gee, can we look?

-No!

Uh, well, all right.

But be careful.

-Don't let go of the balloon,
Mr. Wilson, on account of I

don't think Tommy's gonna get
any shoes for a long time.

-How can you worry
about a stupid balloon

when you're about to look
into a real telescope?

-It's real easy.

-All right, now get up there.

That's it.

Put your eye right there.

Oh, wait a minute!

Is your eye clean?

-Sure.

I ran through the sprinklers
a little while ago.

Gee.

-Impressive, isn't it?

-Boy, I'll say.

That's the first time I
ever saw a round screen.

-Round screen.

All right, that's all, Dennis.

Now, let Tommy have a look.

Here, take this balloon.

Here, take this balloon, too.
That's it.

Now put your eye-- that's it.

Well?

You see it?

-Yeah.

How come it isn't
doing anything?

-That's the sun, boys.

The real sun.

It gives us life.

It makes the plants grow.

The grass, the flowers.

And not one of its
life-giving rays is wasted.

-Then how come it
shines on the sidewalk?

-We will now take
a look at the moon.

Get down, Tommy.

Oh-- look out, Dennis.

Swing you around here.

I don't know what that Captain
Blast has been telling you.

But you will soon
see for yourself

that the moon is not
made of green cheese.

And that the man
in the moon is just

a figment of-- great
Caesar's ghost!

Oh.

Dennis, get that silly
balloon out of there.

Well?

Do you want to see the
moon, or don't you?

-Sure, Mr. Wilson.

-All right.

Here.

-Boy.

-Now, the moon's not so
bright in the daytime.

But I'm sure you can see
the craters quite clearly.

Life is not possible
on the moon because

of a complete lack
of atmosphere.

-P-pow, p-pow!

-What are you doing, Dennis?

-I'm sh**ting the moon guys.

P-pow, p-pow!

-sh**ting the moon guys?

-They're real mean, Mr. Wilson.

Oh, go on home, both of you.

-Jeepers, how come?

-Because I think
I'm going to be ill.

Go on.

sh**ting the moon guys.

-Is it : yet, Dad?

-Just about.

-Oh, boy!

-Why's : suddenly
so important?

-He's making Mars
safe for Captain Blast

by sh**ting b*ll*ts
into the air.

-b*ll*ts?

-Ping pong balls, dear.

Special ones that
glow in the dark.

-Oh.

-Oh, she'll reach almost
as far out into space

as some of the big
telescopes, Martha.

Rumor says I might even
spot the new satellite.

Wait til you see the moon
through this little beauty!

-You look at the moon, dear.

And describe to me.

-P-pow!

-Martha!

I saw it!

-Saw what?

-I saw the missing satellite.

Passing the west to east orbit.

Oh, check those readings.

Yeah.

Mm-hm.

Time, : .

Orbit, west to east.

Oh, call the papers!

-Where are you going, dear?

-To call the papers!

Oh, oh Mitchell!

Mitchell!

Mitchell!

-Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

You're up bright and early.

-I've been down to
the corner to pick up

a few extra copies of the paper.

Seems there's been a
little write up about me.

-Yes, I read it.

It's wonderful.

-All it says is that I happened
to sight that missing satellite

on my new telescope last--
Oh, you--you read it.

-At breakfast.
Congratulations.

-Oh.

Oh, did you read in the
press telegraph or the new?

-The news.

-Oh, the press telegraph
handled it much better.

I'll read what it says--

-Uh, Mr. Wilson, could
we do that later?

I'm quite late.

-I tell you what.

See, I've got it folded
to the right place.

You can read it at stop signals.

-Oh.
Thank you.

-Oh, say, Mitchell.

Some of the boys
from the press are

coming over tonight
on the chance

that I might sight it again.

Now, you're more than
welcome to attend.

-Well, I might do that.

What time?

-Right after sunset.

That's the time to spot
satellites, you know.

-I'll see you.

-Oh, say.

Are you sure you don't want
an extra copy for the boys

at the office?

-Uh, thank you.

We'll share this one.

-All right, Mitchell.

I'll see you tonight.

Bye.

Well, I guess it's
about that time.

She's all in
position, ready to go.

Shall we see what we
shall see, gentlemen?

-Is it : yet, Mom?

-Yes, dear.

-Hey, where's my g*n?

-Right where it belongs.

-No, it isn't.

Look.

Gee whiz, Mom.

Captain Blast is
liable to get k*lled.

-Try looking in the living room.

-Yes.

Those are the same readings.

-Maybe the satellite's
on daylight saving time.

-Well, it wasn't
this late last night.

Just double check.

-Don't slam--
[door slams]

-I'm afraid we'll have
to be going, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, no, please.

Be patient for just a minute.

Sit right down there.

Look through here.

I know it'll come.

-P-pow!

-Wait a minute.

I'm sure I saw something, Fred.

Across from west to east.

A sort of a light.

-I know.

So did I.

-You did?

-I did.

Right over there.

-Pow!

-There it goes again.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Pow!

Pow!

-Dennis?

-I'm afraid so, Mr. Wilson.

You see, every night at :
he helps Captain Blast out.

-What's this, Mr. Mitchell?

-Well, it seems at this
TV fellow, Captain Blast,

is in a little
trouble up on Mars.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Pow!

-So all of his fans sh**t
phosphorescent b*ll*ts

into the air to help him out.

-Oh, no.

-Here's your mail, honey.

-Oh, thank you, dear.

Henry, Dennis won!

-Won what?

-The contest!

That Captain Blast is coming
over here this afternoon!

Dennis will be so thrilled.

I'll have to go tell him.

-Oh my goodness.

-What's the matter?

-Listen to this.

"Thanks to the
scientific investigation

of one George Wilson of
this city, the mystery

of the missing satellite
is now cleared up.

It emanates every night from
a little boy's pop g*n."

There's more, but I haven't
the heart to read it.

-Let me see.

-People have been
laughing at me all day.

I never want to see
another heavenly body

as long as I live.

From now on, the sun is
nothing but a hot rock.

As far as that miserable
moon is concerned--

-He's hysterical.

-I am not hysterical.

I just want to get rid of
that blasted telescope.

So take it back to your store.

And sell it for
whatever you can get.

-I just can't bring
myself to dismantle her.

You take a delicate
instrument like this and you

put it in crates, why--

-Just take it back.

If you can't sell it
then throw it away.

-Say you'll
reconsider, Mr. Wilson.

After all, this is
an age of discovery.

-Oh!

-Our satellites have
gone beyond the sun.

Soon we'll-- we'll know what's
on the other side of the moon.

Why, I even know a man
whose received a radio

signal from one of
the moons of Saturn.

-Morse Code, no doubt.

-The signal-- Look!

A man from space!

-Really, Loomis.

You'll do anything to sell
a telescope, won't you?

-How could I arrange
something like this.

Who do we call?

The Coast Guard?

-Oh, we don't call anybody.

The little one's a monkey.

And the big one's Captain Blast.

Captain Blast?

[doorbell rings]

-Gee.

-Dennis Mitchell?

-Gee!

-Lieutenant Peep.

-Gee!
Gee!

-George, what are
you going to do?

-That Captain Blast is just
as middle aged as I am.

I'm going to take
him by the throat

and make him admit to
Dennis that he's a fraud.

-Please, George.

He's a hero to Dennis
and all the children.

You'll break Dennis' heart.

-Maybe.

Dennis may not
like it right now.

But when he's ,
he'll thank me.

-Oh, hello, Mr. Wilson.

Come on in.

Dennis won a visit from
that TV man Captain Blast.

He's in the living room now
telling the children stories.

They're absolutely spellbound.

-That's what I came over for.
You see--

-You just go right on in.

You'll find him fascinating.

I'm making some
lemonade for later on.

-After the Venus people found
out that I meant them no harm,

they invited me to a banquet
in one of their tree castles.

-Well, Dennis, is
this your grandfather?

-No, sir.

This is Mr. Wilson.

He got his picture in
the paper and everything.

-Wonderful!

Come sit down, Mr. Wilson.

Join us.

You know, it isn't
often that we get

to visit with a real
celebrity like you.

Is it, Lieutenant?

-Then what happened,
Captain Blast?

-Well, while I was
enjoying the banquet,

my good friend the
Professor was exploring

the famous caves of Titan.

-Gee, where's that,
Captain Blast?

-Titan is one of the
moons of Jupiter.

-Saturn.

-Saturn.

Titan is one of the
moons of Saturn.

Thank you very much.

Well, these caves had
never been explored before.

And the Professor had his hands
full, I can tell you that.

Just as he went around
a corner, he suddenly

came onto two of
the snake people.

-Were they mean?

-Oh my goodness, Dennis.

The snake people are
even more terrible

than the man eating
butterflies of Mercury.

-Gee.

-Well, fortunately for
the Professor, just then

a gust of wind came up and blew
his cap right off his head.

-And that isn't easy
when you consider

the atmosphere of
Titan is mostly

ammonia crystals
and methane gas.

-That may be true on the
surface of Titan, Mr. Wilson.

But who knows what's
down in those caves?

Well.

When the wind blew the hat
off the Professor's head,

it frightened the snake
people because they

had never seen a hat before.

-What did they think
it was, Captain Blast?

An oxygen helmet?

-The Professor feels
that too much attention

to this type of detail
spoils the fantasy

for the little creatures.

They lose interest at this age.

-May I say that's only
the Professor's opinion?

-Did the snake guys come
back, Captain Blast?

-Well-- yes, they did.

Only this time, the Professor
knew what to expect.

Get back here!

Here, here.

Now you tell Mr.
Wilson you're sorry.

-You deliberately sicced
that monkey onto me.

-No, no, Mr. Wilson.

I assure you--

-He's not a monkey, Mr. Wilson.

He's a Venus guy.

-Now, you children are going
to listen to me for a change.

-Don't you want to listen to
Captain Blast, Mr. Wilson?

-Captain Blast here has never--

-He's just back from
Mars, Mr. Wilson.

-Why, he's never-- Well, it's
just-- Mars is so far away.

You can go to any zoo and
see a monkey just like-- just

like that.

-Gee.

Can you, Captain Blast?

-Well, Dennis.

Let's see what Mr.
Wilson has to say.

-Is he just an ordinary
monkey, Mr. Wilson?

-Well.

I was just-- Now that I take a
better look at the Lieutenant

here, I think it's safe
to say there isn't another

like him in an zoo
I've ever seen.

I'm sorry I made
such a fuss just

because a Venus
guy jumped on me.

-Heck, that's OK.

He doesn't care.

Huh, Lieutenant Peep?

-Well.

Now that the Professor knew
what to expect from the snake

people, he got out his
ray g*n right away and hid

behind a big rock.

What, Lieutenant?

Oh.

Lieutenant Peep says
to tell you thank you.

Very much.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Did the
Professor sh**t the snake guys?

-Well, no.
No he didn't, Dennis.

Because just then, the king
of the snake people came in.

And he looks a little
bit like a mongoose.

Well, everybody knows how
afraid snakes are of mongooses.

So--

-And then, Martha, I just
couldn't bring myself to do it.

-I know, dear.

-The way Dennis and those
other kids looked at him,

I would have been like
pulling the rug out

from under Mother Goose.

-It would take a pretty
mean man to destroy

a little boy's magic.

-Partly that.

And partly because
I remember how

I felt when I found out
about the tooth fairy.

-Well, Dennis.

What can we do for you?

-Hello, Mrs. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson forgot his card that
Captain Blast left for him.

-Oh?

What card, Dennis?

-This one, Mr. Wilson.

-"This is to certify that George
Wilson has been made an admiral

in the space fleet navy.

Signed, Captain Blast.

Countersigned, Lieutenant Peep."

Now, how could he make me an
admiral if he's only a captain?

-George.

-Oh, uh.

Well, this is just fine, Dennis.

Thank you very much.

-That's OK.

Uh, Mr. Wilson?

-Yeah?

-If you ever buy a pair of shoes
and they give you a balloon

and you don't want
it, can I have it?

Mine's busted.