01x19 - Dennis and the Swing

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

-Dennis, let's go.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Coming, Mom.

[music playing]

-I'm all ready, Mom.

-Do you call that a clean shirt?

-It's only dirty on the outside.

-Ah, I haven't got
time to argue, Dennis.

Now you go right upstairs
and put on a fresh shirt.

And while you're at it,
wash those smudges off

from around your mouth.

-Mom?

-Uh?

-Instead of washing
those smudges off,

why don't I just paint
over them like you do?

[music playing]

[theme music]

[music playing]

[clock ticking]
[clock ticking stops]

[music playing]

[clock ticking]
[clock ticking stops]

[BOWLING BALL THUDDING DOWN THE
STAIRS]

-Alice, is it necessary to
hold a bowling tournament

while I'm trying to
get my work done?

-I'm awfully sorry, Henry.

-Dad says the ball wasn't
supposed to be upstairs,

so I tried to bring it down.

Only it's full of
iron or something.

-It won't happen again, dear.

-Well, it can't
happen again, Alice.

I've got to get that report
in the mail by tonight.

-So you can have
the evening free?

-What?
-Nothing.

-Do you want me to
help you to work, Dad?

-No, thank you, darling.

-I can pull this lever after
you punch those buttons.

-Adding machines
aren't for children.

Why don't you run out
and play with Tommy?

-He's taking his
clarinet lesson.

-Now, what's wrong with Stewart?

-Well, the main thing wrong
with him is he's done gone

and busted his tooth off.

-Um.

-He sure is lucky.

Now he can whistle
without trying.

-I brought you some coffee.

And I want you to
look at something

I found in one of the closets.

-Honey, I can't stop for that.

I'm trying to do two
day's work in one.

-Oh, nonsense.

A little rest will make
you work twice as fast.

Look at that.

Remember when that was taken?

-Can I look?

-In a minute, Dennis.

-That was the day you proposed.

-Yeah, your folks had a
picnic in their backyard.

Your dad barbecued.

Your mother baked one of
her delicious peach pies.

You wore that dress that
I was always crazy about.

And I proposed.

It was all a beautiful trap.

-How come I don't remember that?

-Ha-ha.

Son, do you want to see
a very handsome couple?

-Sure.

Boy, what a neat swing.

I bet you could see
clear on top of the house

in the neat swing
like that, huh, Mom?

-Well, it was pretty nice.

-Can you make me
a swing like that?

-Well, you know, I can't right
now, Dennis, but maybe later

on.
-Jeepers!

We've got a tree and everything.

All we need is a rope
and a board to sit in.

-Not now, Dennis.

Thanks for the reminiscing
and the coffee,

dear, but I've got
to get back to work.

-Hey, I know where
there is some rope.

-Not the clothes line, Dennis.

-Oh, well, couldn't you hang
the clothes up with a swing

so it is sideways?

-No.

-Oh.

OK, I'll find something else.

-I-- guess I wasn't being
very subtle, was I, dear?

-Subtle about what?

-Bringing in this
old picture album

was my sneaky way of
trying to find out

what you're planning
for tonight.

-Tonight?

-Oh, you can go right
on being clever.

(SIGHING) After years
of being married, I'm glad

my husband still
wants to surprise me.

-Well--

-That's all right, honey.

You don't have to tell
me if you don't want to.

-Well, I guess I'd
better tell you

in case you want to get
a special dress ready

or something.

We have a ringside table
reserved at the Crystal Room.

-Crystal Room?

Oh, Henry, can we afford it?

-Well, even if we can't afford
it, it's our anniversary,

and there's nothing
too good for my girl.

-Oh!

I'll wear my good
blue dress and I

guess your tax is
still all right.

Let's see.

Uh, did you get a
babysitter for Dennis?

-Oh, that's the
one thing I forgot.

-Never mind honey.
I'll take care of it.

-Alice, I still have
to get this work done.

If you can just give me four
hours of absolutely undisturbed

concentration,
that's all I'll need.

-Don't you worry,
Henry, you will get it.

-Hello, Crystal Room?

I'd like to make a reservation
for tonight for two.

-Dennis, come back here.

What in the world
is all of this?

-Rope for my swing.

-You actually expect
to swing from that?

-Not like they do to cattle
rustlers, sitting down.

-Dennis, in the first
place, it wouldn't hold you.

In the second place, these
are your father's suspenders.

This is your father's belt.

This is the rope to my bathrobe.

-Aren't they strong?

-Well, that isn't
the point, Dennis.

You're supposed to ask for
things before you take them.

Now you get all the
knots out of there

and take them right
back upstairs.

-OK.

Where's the scissors?

-You take them upstairs
and untie them.

-Jeepers!

I've got to ask Mr.
WIlson if he's got a rope.

-March.

-(DEFEATEDLY) OK.

[cat meowing]

-Hello, kitty.
[cat meowing]

-Here, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty.

-Dennis, don't take that cat!

-Is that your cat, Mr. WIlson?

-No, Mrs. Wilson is
taking care of her

for a friend who's out of town.

-Hey, there's a bucket
hanging on a rope up there.

-Yes, I know.

I'm changing the soil
in my flower box.

-Boy, this sure is a swell rope.

-Dennis, don't touch that rope.

It's holding up this
whole bucket of dirt.

-When you're through with it,
can I have it for my swing?

-No, get away from
that rope, Dennis.

I-- Oh, sh**t me.

I'm coming right down.

Dennis, I don't even want
you close to this thing.

Why that bucket is
very heavy and it

has to be lowered
with extreme caution.

-Did you get all that dirt
out of your room, Mr. WIlson?

-That dirt came
from the window box.

It had to be changed
because it's turned sour.

-Jeepers!

Why didn't you put
some sugar in it?

-You don't put
sugar in it, Dennis.

You replace it with clean dirt.

-Clean dirt?

Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

All we've got around
here is dirty dirt.

-For heaven sakes.

Now look, Dennis.

You stand right back here.

That's it.

So I can lower the
bucket to the ground.

-You want me to
[inaudible] and ride

down with the
bucket, Mr. Wilson?

-No.

Look, you stay right
back there now, see.

Now, stay.

Right.

There.

-You think something's
going to go wrong?

-Well, I wasn't until
a few moments ago.

I know, Dennis, let's
really play it safe.

Now, you stay back
of that trowel

till I give you the all clear.

-Good ole, Mr. Wilson.

-(GRUNTING).

It's heavier than I thought.

Au!

Oh, the darn knot stuck.

-Maybe if you were
barefooted, you

could untie the
knots with your toes.

-But I'm not barefooted.

Au!

-I bet a monkey could do it.

-Now look-- Dennis, look.

I'll allow you to step
across the trowel,

just three steps
forward, no more.

One, two, three.

Now, reach down and pull
that bow knot loose,

and then jump back.

-Hey.

Hey, see, Dennis?

Accidents can be avoided
by careful preparation.

Why it's a fallacy that trouble
follows you around, Dennis.

Boy, you did exactly
as you were told.

Ahhhh!

-Are you through with
the rope, Mr. Wilson?

-Yes, I am through
with the rope.

-Can I have it for my swing?

-Oh, take it, take
it, take it, take it.

-Thank you.

-There's nothing altruistic
in the gift, Dennis.

It's just that somehow
it seems when you're over

on your own property, things
work out better over here.

-You mean you're
not nervous anymore?

-Well, let's just say
I'm beginning to recover.

-Boy, that's swell.

Hey, I wonder where
that cat went.

-Matilda?

Oh, great Scott!

Kitty!

Kitty!
Kitty!

[music playing]

-Don't talk too loud, Tommy.

-Why not?

-My dad's trying to work.

-(SOFTLY) OK.
[door slams shut]

-Hey, Mom?

Can me and Tommy see that
picture of your swing?

-Oh, of course.

It's right there on the table.

Here it is.

Look!

-Boy, what a neat swing!

-Yeah, we already have the rope.

All we need is a
board to sit on.

-Uh-huh.

Who's that girl in the swing?

-That's my mom before
she turned into a mother.

-She takes up so
much room, we can't

tell how the ropes
fasten to the board.

-Yeah.

Well, we've got to find
a board and ask somebody

how you fasten a rope onto it.

Come on!
Bye, Mom!

-Bye, Mrs. Mitchell!

-Good bye, boys.

[door slams shut]

-Here kitty, kitty,
kitty, kitty, kitty.

Is that you, kitty?

-It's only us, Mr. Wilson.

-I might have known.

-We're looking for
a piece of wood

about this long, only wider.

-It's for our swing.

-And I am looking for a cat.

-I haven't seen him lately.

-I haven't seen him at all.

-And I haven't seen
a piece of wood

about that long, only wider.

So it doesn't look as if we
can do each other much good,

does it, boys?

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

It isn't your fault that I
can't find that stupid cat.

And if you're looking for a
piece of wood for your swing,

why don't go over and ask
little Margaret's father?

Why, he has a big
wood yard out in back,

if I remember correctly.

-(ENTHUSIASTICALLY) Yeah.

-Boy, thanks, Mr. Wilson!

-All right.

[music playing]

-Wow!

This is perfect!

-Hi, Dennis.

You and Tommy come over
to play house with me?

-Heck, no, Margaret!

Can we have this piece of wood?

-No!

-We just can't play house
today, Margaret, on account

we're going to build our swing.

-How about tomorrow?

-Well, um, it might take
us two days to build it.

-Three days, then.

-(RELUCTUNTLY) OK.

In three days, me and
Tommy will come over

and play house with ya.

-Ah-ah.

I'll come over to your house.
-(BEGRUDGEDLY) OK.

[music playing]

-(QUIETLY) Don't
talk too loud, Tommy.

My dad's trying to work.

-(QUIETLY) Yeah, you told me.
[door slams shut]

-(SHOUTING) Hey, Mom!

Mom!
Look, Mom!

Look, Mom!
Mom!

-Dennis, don't shout.

-I wont.

-Look at is this swell board we
got over at Margaret's house.

-Well, that's very nice, dear.

I hope you offered
to pay for it.

-We didn't offer, but
we're sure gonna pay.

-OK, let's go, Dennis.

-Don't forget now, I
want to try that swing

before you sit in it.

-OK, Mom.

-Easy, Matilda.

I won't hurt you, kitty.
[cat meowing]

-Mr.Wilson's in our yard.

We'll get 'em for
you, Mr. Wilson.

-No, stay back!

[music playing]

[cat meowing]

-She's up in the
tree, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, thank you for not
driving her underground.

-You're welcome.

Mr. Wilson, we found a rope
and board, and everything.

-So?

-So when you get a ladder
to get the cat down,

would you mind
putting up our swing?

-Dennis, you have an absolutely
wretched sense of timing.

-Boy, good ole Mr. Wilson
talks swell, huh, Tommy?

-Yeah.

Except, I never know
what he is talking about.

-Well, I'll tell you
what I'm talking about.

Because of your
interference, I'm

going to have to
call the police.

-I think I hear
my mom calling me.

-Me too!

-Oh, I'm not calling the
police about you, boys.

I need them to get the cat down.

-Is Mrs. Wilson gonna
send you to your room

because you lost
her friend's cat?

-Yes, she just might.

-Boy, if we knew that cat
was gonna go up in the tree,

maybe we could have gotten him
to take the rope up for us.

-Yeah.

Except cats can't tie knots.

[ice cream truck music playing]

-Hey, there's Mr. Johnson
in his ice cream truck.

Maybe he can help us.
Come on!

[ice cream truck music playing]

-Alice!

-Yes dear?

-Honey, does the
entire nation have

to stand out in
front of our house

calling cats or ringing bells?

-Dear, I have no control
over the ice cream man.

-Do you realize how hard it
is to concentrate with that,

that frozen Swiss
bell ringer out there?

-I'm sure it is, dear.

But he'll be gone soon.

-He'd better.

-You have no idea how I'm
looking forward to tonight.

-Me too.

[ice cream truck music playing]

[sighing]

[cat meowing]

[cat meowing]

-There he is.
[ice cream truck music playing]

[cat meowing]

-I got the impression this was
a matter of life and death.

Had I known it was just a cat,
I wouldn't have left my truck.

-But we just can't leave
him up there, Mr. Johnson.

We can't get up there to
give him anything to eat.

-I know boys, but
I'm taking a chance

leaving my truck this long.

You see, I've got
a weak battery,

and if the motor stops, I
can't get it started again.

-It's still ringing.

-I know, but-- all right,
but we'd better hurry.

Come on.

-And while you're
up there, would you

mind tying this rope
on that high branch?

-For our swing.

-Sure, sure.
[ice cream truck music playing]

[ice cream truck music stops]

[phone rings]

-I'll get it, He-- Henry?

[phone rings]

-Hello?

Oh, I'm sure there
must be some mistake.

My husband made
reservation some time ago

and-- (SURPRISED) An hour ago?

I see.

But thank you.

[music playing]

-That'll take care of
those bells for a while.

There was no one around, so I
just turned off the ignition.

What's the matter, honey?

-You should have
talked to the maitre

d' instead of an
ordinary waiter, Henry.

-What?

-The maitre d' at the
Crystal Room just called.

He can't give you a
table for tonight.

-He can't?

-No.

The waiter you
talked to an hour ago

had no right to take
your reservation.

-Listen, Alice.

I didn't forget our anniversary.

I thought about
it all last week.

I remembered it
yesterday in the office.

I was just about to
call the Crystal Room,

and this long-distance
phone call came in.

-You'd better get
your work done, Henry,

so you can watch
the fight tonight.

-There's not fight tonight.

-Oh, yes, there is.

-Honey, listen!
Ah!

-I had no idea this tree was--
Hey, I don't hear my bells.

-Yeah, they stopped.

-Oh, my ice cream will melt.

-You should have called a
fire department, George.

They're better at getting
cats out of trees.

-Just a minute.

Just a minute.

Is that your truck
parked out there

in the middle of the street?
-Yes, but I can--

-I just put a ticket on it.

Violation of section
of the vehicle code.

-Tell me about it later.

My ice cream is melting.

-His ice cream melts if
his bells don't ring.

-What?

-What, never mind
about that movie.

How about the cat?

-Look, criminals could
be careening up and down

Main Street, and I'm up
a tree chasing a cat.

It's a waste of taxpayer money.

-Will you take our rope and
tie it up on that branch

as long as you're going up
there anyway, Mr.Mooney?

-It's for our swing.

-Look, I'll need both
hands to climb up, boys.

-If the rope got up there some
way, then would you tie it on?

-I suppose so.

Thanks, Mr. Mooney.

[music playing]
[door bell rings]

[music playing]
-Yes?

-Do you have a
freezer compartment

in your refrigerator?

-Well, yes, but--

-Well, your son had me
chasing a cat up a tree

and causing me to get a ticket.

So I figure, the
least you can do

is let me put this
stuff in your freezer

till I got my truck
started again.

Just say yes or no, mister.

I've got $ worth of frozen
fudgies melting on the.

Some chowderhead
turned off my ignition.

-Chowderhead?

The kitchen's right--
right through there.

[music playing]

-I don't suppose you're
the first husband to forget

an anniversary,
Henry, but to try

to cover it up the way you did--

-Before you reveal any family
secrets, lady, I'm not Henry.

-What are you doing?

-It's all right, it's all right,
I checked with your husband.

-Well, it's not all right.

All my frozen meat will melt.

-It's just till I get my
truck fixed, that's all.

-Henry, there is a
man out in the kitchen

filling our freezer
with ice cream!

-I know, dear.

He is the ice cream man.

-But he's taking out
all my frozen meat!

-Well, it's a little
complicated, dear.

I-- It has something
to do with Dennis

getting him to chase
a cat up a tree.

And then it seems that he got
a ticket, because I turned off

his ignition, and--
maybe it'll all work out.

-Henry, this is the worst
day of my entire life.

-Mine too.

I've simply got to
get this work done.

-Got about everything back
in the refrigerator, lady.

Just be careful how
you open the door.

-All right.
-Yoo-hoo, Alice?

-Oh, come on in, Mr. Wilson.

-Say, have you got something
to put on Sgt. Mooney's hand?

Matilda bit him.

-Oh, of course.

-Next time, call the
Fire Department, huh?

They have asbestos gloves
for this sort of thing.

-Now that I have
a minute, officer,

I'd like to talk to
you about that ticket.

-Once a ticket's
written, that's it.

-Sure, but there are
mitigating circumstances.

-Did you or did you
not park the truck

in the middle of the street?

-Well, Mooney, the man's
only trying to explain.

-All right, so you
stay out of it.

-My battery's dead, that's
why the truck is where it is.

-Boy, I heard that one before.

[cat meowing]

-Oh, quiet, Matilda.

You caused enough trouble.

-Why else would I put my fudgies
in this lady's refrigerator?

Look!

[racket]
-Oh!

[music playing]

-They gone?

-Uh-ha.

Honey, as soon as
I finish my work,

let's you and I
go out for dinner?

-Oh, thank you, Henry.

But I just don't feel like it.

-Hey, Mom.

The swing's all ready!

-That's nice, dear.

-Aren't you going to
come out and test it?

-Maybe later.

-Jeepers, how are me
and Tommy gonna swing,

if you don't tell us it's OK?

-Boy's got a point there, dear.

-Well, your father's
here now, Dennis.

He can test it for you.

-But you're the one
who promised him.

-All right.

-Tommy, my mom can
sit in the swing.

And if it doesn't bust,
then we can try it.

-Looks, uh-- looks like
you did a pretty good job.

-Yeah, Mr. WIlson's cat
was sure a big help.

-So I hear.

Are you gonna try it, honey?

-Oh, well--

-Come on, Mom.

You promised.
-All right.

-Remind you of anything?

-Uh-hm.

-I can almost smell your
mother's peach pie baking.

-Remember what
happened when everybody

went back into the house?

-I think so.

Went something like
this, didn't it?

-Uh-hm.

You're better than
you used to be.

-I'd better be.
I've had years of practice.

I've had years of practice.
-Higher!

[music playing]

-Not as strong as
you used to be.

-Not as light as you used to be.

-(FIRMLY) Oh, yes, I am.

-You want to go play marbles?

-Gee, Dennis, how come?

-I think Mom and Dad are gonna
be using the swing for a while.

Come on.