01x23 - Dennis Creates a Hero

[bunniefuu]

-Hey Dad.

You know how all the time
I'm asking you questions?

-I certainly do.

You've sent me to the
encyclopedia more than once.

-And you never get mad when
I ask you questions, do you?

-Of course not.

-And you never will?

-Certainly not.

-Promise?

-Of course!

Asking questions is the only
way a little boy can learn.

I like to have
you ask questions.

It shows you have an
active, inquiring mind.

Now, if you have any
questions, ask them.

-OK.

Then how come a swell little
kid hardly pulled it at all,

the antenna came off your car?
-Dennis!

[theme music]

-It's a magnificent instrument.

In fact, it's the finest
camera I've ever owned.

-It looks pretty complicated.

How do you trip the shutter?

-Oh, well this
little button right--

-Hey Dad, when you
were in the Navy--

-Dennis, you're interrupting.

-It's this one right
here, Mitchell.

You just--

-This right here?
-That right.

-What's it for?

-Oh well Dennis, you just push
that when you want-- ohhhhh!

Great Scott!

-Dennis, for Pete's sake!

-Jeepers, he told me to.

-I was only trying to
explain-- oh, never mind.

Just lead me home, Mitchell.

-It should pass in a
minute, Mr. Wilson.

--[sigh] I don't know
why I come over here,

because every time I do,
something happens to me.

-Jeepers, I'm sorry Mr. Wilson.

-Oh!

-Dennis, what did you want?

-Hey, you know who I've
got up in my room, Dad?

-I'll guess.

(SARCASTICALLY) King Kong?

-Heck, no.

I got that dumb
old Johnny Brady.

-Oh, uh.

Well, you tell Johnny to
say hello to his dad for me,

will you?

-OK.

Hey Dad, when you were in the
Navy, were you an Admiral?

-No.

-A captain?

-No.

-A Lieutenant?

-No, I was just an
ordinary seaman.

-Oh.

Jeepers, did they ever
let you steer the boat?

-Oh, many times.

-Boy, and with all
that bragging dumb old

Johnny was doing
about his father.

Well, that's not
going to help much.

His father was a pilot in a jet.

-I'm sorry.
-Jeepers.

I'll just tell them that they
used to let you steer the boat.

They'll probably laugh me
right out of my own bedroom.

-So the captain turned
the boat to the left,

and he saw another submarine.

And the captain turned
the boat to the right,

and he saw another submarine.

So the captain turned
the boat backwards,

and he saw two more submarines.

And then the captain turned
to the admiral and he said,

I think I'm going to
be sick to my stomach.

-Yeah.
What happened then?

-Well, then the
admiral said, there's

only one sailor
in the whole world

that could save this battleship.

Good old Henry Mitchell.

-They should have
sent for my dad.

He'd have gotten them out of it.

-They didn't need your dad.

So you know what my dad did?

He dived!

Zoom!

-In a battleship?

-Sure!

That's why everything
worked so good,

because nobody expected it.

By the time those
dumb old submarines

had found out what
happened, Dad was

in the President's private
office getting his hand shook.

-My dad's got medals.

He got them for sh**ting do--

-I know it.

- MIGs in Korea.

-You know what the trouble
is with you, Johnny?

You want me to tell you what
the trouble is with you?

You're always bragging.

-So I just couldn't
stand it anymore.

I told Johnny to go home because
I had a lot of work to do.

-You mean like picking up your
toys off the back porch the way

I asked you to?

-Jeepers, Mom.

I'm trying to talk to you.

You've known Dad for a
long time, haven't you?

-Yes, quite a few years.

-And you've seen him to be
a hero plenty of times then,

huh Mom.

-Well, he's always
been a hero to me

-Like what?

Did he ever rescue
you from drowning?

-Well, no.

-From a burning building?

-No, Dennis.

-Did he ever rescue
you from bandits?

-No.

-Didn't he ever rescue
you from anything?

-(HESITANTLY) No.

-Didn't he ever rescue
anybody from anything?

-Not that I know of.

Oh, he did get your
grandfather's cat out of a tree

once.

-I've done that.

Boy, Dad sure has been
wasting his life, hasn't he.

-(STERNLY) He most
certainly has not.

Your father's life
is very successful.

-What's this?

-I'll, uh, tell you later, dear.

-Boy, after mowing that
lawn my legs are sure tired.

-That's because
they're so skinny.

Hey, you beat Mr.
Brady there, huh Dad.

Boy, you've got the skinniest
legs in the whole world.

-That's enough, Dennis.

-What time is dinner, Honey?

-Oh, about an hour.

Why don't you read
the paper, dear.

-Oh, run out and see if
it's come yet, will you son?

-OK Dad.

-What was going on in
here when I came in?

-Dennis wanted to know if
you've ever rescued anybody.

-Poor Dennis.

He's finding out his dad's
a pretty ordinary guy.

-There's nothing
ordinary about you.

-Well, it's pretty
hard to be hero.

These days.

No dragons to slay, no
fair damsels in distress,

not even a castle
to lay siege to.

Modern man's armor's
his business suit,

his charger is a
four door sedan,

and his biggest battle is
fighting the rush hour traffic.

-Well, you're a hero
to me, and I love you.

-Hey Dad!

Johnny's dad's picture's
on the front page.

-What?
-What does it say?

-Charles Brady,
prominent local engineer,

was acclaimed a
hero this afternoon

when he rescued a small
child from the path

of a speeding car.

-Oh, for Heaven's sake!

-Boy, Dad, you've
just got to stop

sitting around
the house so much.

-Alright, Dennis.
That's enough.

Let's seek what
else it says here.

A two-year-old wandered
onto Main Street.

Charlie saw him, came to a
stop, pulled out of the traffic.

How do you like that?

-I don't like it!

-That's enough, Dennis.

It was a wonderful
thing for Charlie to do.

-Yes, it was.

-It says the child's mother
kissed him on the cheek

as she smiled through
tears of gratitude.

You know, I've never even seen
a child that had to be rescued.

-Hey Dad, you want me to get
my head stuck in the banister?

-You'll do no such thing.

-I should say not!

-OK.

I just wanted to
give you a chance

to rescue me and be a hero.

-Well, you can just
forget any such ideas.

-OK.

-You know, everything
Charlie does

seems to bring him attention.

Not that he doesn't
deserve it, but-- Oh, you

remember the collections
for the Red Cross,

all the pictures in the
newspapers, interviews?

-And you did just as much
work, and collected more money.

-You want me to sit
on your lap, Dad?

-Even with my bony knees?

-Sure.

-[chuckles] OK.
[phone rings]

-I'll get it.

Hello?

Oh yes, just a minute.

Dennis, it's for you.

-Hello?

(ANGRILY) Yeah,
Johnny, we saw it.

Listen, you've got to stop
doing all that bragging,

or I'll pop you one
right in the nose!

-Dennis Mitchell!
-Dennis!

-Hi, Mr. Krinkie!

-Oh now, Dennis.

I told you you were too
young for a paper route.

-I didn't come in
for a paper route.

Is that what you
thought, Mr. Krinkie?

-Well, you've been asking
for one for months,

so that's kind of
what I thought.

-Heck no!

I came in to tell
you about a hero

so you could put a
story in the paper.

-Well, I can always use
a story about a hero.

Who is he?

-Do you know my dad?

-No, I never met him.

-Well, it's about him!

Boy, was he a hero!

You see, there was a
captain of this battleship,

and he looked to the left,
and he looked to the right--

-I'm afraid World w*r stories
are a little old, Dennis.

-OK.

There was another time
when he was a hero.

You know how in the
circus they call

lions and tigers
cats, Mr. Krinkie?

-Yes?

-Well, there was this great,
big, fierce cat up in a tree.

Boy, was he making
a lot of noise.

Everybody was afraid
to go up and get him.

So my dad--

-Had this cat escaped
from the circus?

-Oh no, sir.

He was my grandpa's cat.

-I'm afraid rescuing a cat
from a tree isn't quite strong

enough, Dennis.

-Well then, how
about just putting

my dad's picture in the paper?

Here's one of him we took
last summer in his swimsuit.

-He's a nice looking man,
but I can't run a picture

without a story to go with it.

-Hey, you notice how
skinny his legs are?

Maybe you could write
something about that!

-I'm afraid your father's skinny
legs aren't very newsworthy.

-Sure they are!

I bet they're the skinniest
legs in the whole world!

-Dennis, a newsworthy
story is one

that's important,
exciting, or unusual.

-Like what?

-Well, In the
newspaper business,

we say that if a dog
bites a man it's not news,

because it happens
every day of the week.

But if a man bites
a dog, then you've

got something newsworthy.

-My dad loves dogs.

He'd never do it!

-I'm not suggesting
anybody bite a dog.

I simply wanted to point
out that unusual items are

newsworthy.

-Oh.

Not legs, though?

-Nope, not legs.

But, if you do bring in a
picture we can use I'll pay you

$ . for it.

-$ . ?
Wow!

Does that mean you're
making me a reporter?

-You might call it
that, but you only

get paid when you bring
in a picture we can use.

-OK Mr. Krinkie.

And I know right where
I can borrow a camera.

Bye!

-Well Martha, do you want
to come out and watch

me photograph the
hydrangea, or do you

want to stay in and
tend to your knitting?

-Oh George!

You'll just the same fun-loving
boy you were years ago.

-Well today that's
the way I feel.

No sir, nothing could bother
me on a day like this.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

-Hi Mr. Wilson!

-Right away I'm wrong.

-Good morning, Dennis.

-I came over to borrow
Mr. Wilson's camera

so I could take a
picture of my dad.

-Over my dead--

-George-- Don't you
think his camera is

a little too
complicated for you?

I'm sure I don't understand it.

-Well maybe Mr.
Wilson could teach me.

-Over my--

-George!

I'll tell you what, dear.

Why don't I lend you
my old box camera.

-Martha, he'll ruin it.

-No I won't!

My grandpa's got one of those
and he showed me how to run it.

-It's right here in the desk.

-I tell you, Martha,
he'll ruin it!

-How can you hurt a box camera?

-I don't know, but
he'll find a way.

-The camera is years old.

-I'll be real careful
with it, Mrs. Wilson.

-I know you will.

There are four pictures
left on the roll,

and when you've taken them, I'll
have them developed for you.

-Gee thanks Mrs. Wilson!

Bye Mr. Wilson!

-Good bye.

-Are his feelings hurt because I
didn't ask to take his picture?

-Maybe that's it.

-Hey Mr. Wilson, you want
me to take your picture?

-No, I don't.

-Are your feelings hurt?

-No they're not!

-You want to come
out and play after?

-No!

-Are you going to--

-Dennis, I think you
better run along.

-OK Mrs. Wilson.

And thanks!

-Goodbye, Dennis.

-Bye Mrs. Wilson!

-Oh you really shouldn't have
let him borrow it, Martha.

-Oh, what possible harm
can he do with a camera?

-Well, he almost
blinded me yesterday.

-Oh, that's silly!

I still don't see
how that happened.

-Don't you understand anything
about cameras, my dear?

-Well, I do about mine, but
yours is too complicated.

-Well, now look.

I was holding the
camera just like this,

when Dennis wanted to know what
this little button was for.

-This button?

-That's right.
-Well, what is it for?

-Well, Martha, you simply
push it when you want to-- oh!

Oh, can't I trust
anybody around here?

-I'm sorry dear,
but you told me to.

-Oh, never mind.

It's not your fault, really.

Living next door to
Dennis, I suppose

he had to influence
you sooner or later.

Oh, just lead me to the couch.

[groans]
-Dad!

Dad!
Dad!

-Hi, son.

Where'd you get the camera?

Mrs. Wilson loaned it to me
so I could take your picture.

-OK.

sh**t!
-Jeepers!

Not here, Dad.

We've got to go someplace where
you can rescue somebody, like

down to the railroad track.

-If you want to take
my picture you're

going to have to do it
right here, because when

I get through
polishing these shoes,

I'm going to take a
snooze in the hammock.

-Jeepers!

I'll never get your picture
in the paper that way!

Mr. Krinkie says it
has to be newsworthy.

-Who's Mr. Krinkie?

-He runs the neighborhood paper
that comes out every Saturday.

That's tomorrow.

And I've got to get
your picture in it.

-You mean to tell me you've
even been to the newspapers?

-Sure!

It comes out tomorrow, and I've
got to get your picture in it.

-Dennis, I wish you'd cut out.

This is the first time I've
been able to take two or three

days off in over a
year, and I'm not

going to waste the
time trying to find

some way to become a hero.

-But Dad!

-Dennis, that's enough.

Men don't control fate.

If fate wants to
make me a hero, it

can do it just as
easily while I'm

taking a nap in the hammock.

-Yeah, Dad.

I guess you're right.

You go ahead and take your nap.

-Hi, Tommy.

Boy, I'm so mad I think
my head's going to pop.

-What's the matter?

-Coming over here, I saw
that dumb old Johnny Brady.

You know what he's saying now?

He's saying the reason his dad
could grab that little kid out

of the street because he was an
All-American football player.

-Boy, he's always bragging.

-I'm going to fix him with this!

-What are you going
to do with it?

-I'm going to take a picture
of my dad being a hero,

but you've got to help me.

-OK.
How?

-By letting me borrow
the bearskin rug

from your living room.

-How are they now, dear?

-They're better, I think.

-I'll rinse this out
again in ice water.

-Alright.

-Are you angry with me?

-Oh, why never at you, Martha.

-You're still my
fun- loving George.

-Well, I try to be.

It's just that my,
my nerves are shot.

Every time Dennis
comes over here--

-Now, just lie back and relax.

You're going to have
a nice, peaceful day.

-Alright.

Oh, Martha?

-Yes, George?

-On your way back from the
kitchen, bring me a cookie.

-No wonder bears
sleep all winter.

They've got to rest up from
carrying their skin around.

-You're too little to
make it look real anyway.

-Yeah.

That's why I'm going to
ask Mr. Wilson to wear it.

-Maybe we can both get in it!

-If we both get in it, who's
going to take the picture?

[ringing doorbell]

-Who in the world's
ringing our doorbell?

[gasp] Oh Great Scott!

-What is it?

-Martha, there's a bear
out on our front porch.

-George Wilson, you go back
to that couch and lie down.

The flash bulb
affected your vision.

-I saw it, I tell you.

It had long furry paws
hanging from it's side,

and blue trousers, and black
s-- my vision has been affected.

[doorbell rings]

-Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson!

-Hi.

-Dennis, Tommy.

What are you boys doing
with that bearskin?

-Do I look like a bear?

-Of course not.

-Well don't just stand there.

-Now you're talking, Martha.

-Come on in the living
room and have a cookie.

-Oh--

-Wow!

OK if I leave the
bearskin here in the hall?

It's kind of heavy
to eat cookies in.

-Of course.

-What are you doing with
that thing anyway, Dennis?

-I brought it over from
Tommy's house for you to wear.

-For me to wear?

Why, I wouldn't
wear that on a bet.

-It doesn't smell.

-Well, I didn't say it did.

-Then how come you
lifted your nose at me?

-Oh Great Scott,
Martha, do something.

-Dennis, why do you
want him to wear it?

-Because if he wears it,
he'll look like a bear.

Then I could take a picture
of my dad being a hero

and saving Tommy from it.

-Why, I'm surprised
your father'd

be a party to such a thing.

-Oh, his dad won't
even know about it.

-Dad's taking a snooze
out on our patio.

I figured we'd wake him
up and surprise him,

and then he'd be a hero.

-Why is it so important
that he be a hero?

-Because Johnny Brady's
dad's doing it all the time.

He's even taking away
some of my dad's accounts.

-Dennis' dad's never
been a hero, even once!

-Oh, he's a hero
inside, except nobody

knows it except me and Mom.

-Nobody gives him a chance.

-Jeepers, if me and
Dad go to the beach,

does anybody drown
so he can save them?

Heck, no!

They wait till we go home.

But if Johnny Brady's
dad goes to the beach,

people are drowning
all over the place.

-Well, George?

Are you going to help
Henry become a hero?

-Why Martha, a man my age
can't go running around

in a bearskin making
a fool of himself.

-George, I once
knew a fun- loving

young man who
would have done it.

He would have done
it in a minute!

-I'm still fun- loving!

I've matured!

-Alright, George.

If you won't do it, I will.

-You wouldn't!

-Oh?

Come on, boys.

-Martha, you're just bluffing.

You would never do it.

-Oh?

-Martha, I will not have you
making a spectacle of yourself

before the neighbors!

-Come on boys!

-Martha, if you open
that door, I'll-- Ooh!

Alright, alright.

I'll wear it.

If anybody has to make a
laughing stock of himself,

I'd rather it be me.

-Because you're better
at it, huh Mr. Wilson.

-Oh--

-He's asleep in the hammock.

-Alright Dennis, come on.

Let's get this
nonsense over with!

-Think he'll be scared?

-Not my dad, boy.

I'd hate to be any old
bear when he gets started.

-Well, now wait a minute.

Let's think about this.

-If he looks like he's going to
beat you up, all you have to do

is throw the bearskin off.

-Oh yes, of course.

-Come on!

-Tommy, you lie down on
the ground right here.

Now Mr. Wilson, you
crouch over him.

-[sighs]

-Scrunch down some more.

Your stomach's hanging out.

Now you look like a swell bear!

-Wait a minute.

If I'm supposed to
be an attacking bear,

let's do it right.

I should be chewing
on Tommy's foot.

Not my mouth, the bear's mouth.

That's it.

-Now, I'll go over on the other
side so I can take the picture.

And Tommy, when I get
there you start yelling,

help, to wake up Dad.
-OK!

-[yelling] Help!

Help!
-[yelling] Henry!

Wake up!

-Oh!

Great Scott!

-It's Mr. Wilson!

-Would somebody please tell me
what's going on around here?

-Sure, Dad.

I'll tell you.

Mom just ruined your
chance to become a hero.

-Here's the story of that
sneak- thief, Mr. Krinkie.

-Stealing from a church.

How low can a guy get.

-Here's a snapshot of him.

Got it from his girlfriend.

-We'll run the story
on the front page.

And I know just the
caption for the picture.

The most contemptible
man of the year.

-If any guy deserves
it, he does.

-Say, I've got to run over
to City Hall for a minute.

I want you to cover the press
conference at the hotel.

-I'm on my way.

We've got to let the public know
what the candidates are saying.

Hi!
-Hi!

Excuse me, Mr. Krinkie.

Can I talk to you?

-Have to make it fast, Dennis.

I'm leaving in a minute.

-OK.

I just came in to quit my job.

-What job?

-Don't you remember?

You gave me a job as a reporter.

-Oh yes.

You were going to try and
get a picture of your father

being a hero.

Did you get it?

-Nope.

And he told me if I ever
tried it again, he'd

give me a spanking!

Boy, I sure wanted his
picture in the paper.

-Oh, and you didn't get
any picture at all, huh?

-All I got is this
one I showed you.

-Uh huh.

Why don't you
leave this with me.

-What for?

-Well, sometimes
when news is light

we have a lot of extra space
to fill, and if that happens

I'll run this picture with a
nice little story about how

his son wanted his
father to be a hero.

Would you like that?

-Boy, I sure would!

-Then I'll see what I can do.

-Boy will my dad be
excited when I tell him!

-Herbie!
Herbie!

Picture and story
on the sneak-thief

are ready for the
composing room.

-Right Mr. Krinkie.

"The Most Contemptible
Man of the Year."

-Henry, have you seen Dennis?

-Oh, he's outside
waiting for the paper.

Despite anything
I could say, he's

positive Mr. Krinkie's going to
put my picture in this issue.

-Oh I hope he does, don't you?

-Well, yeah I guess so.

Be kind of nice, little human
interest story, and, well,

it can't do any harm.

It might even do some good.

-Hey Dad!

You're on the front page!

-Really?

-Well, that ought to make Johnny
Brady sit up and take notice.

-Now you'll be taking
accounts away from him!

-The most contemptible
man of the year.

-You sure are, Dad.

Hey, what's contemptible mean?