02x04 - Dennis and the Ham-pher

[bunniefuu]

-What are you doing, dear?

-Looking for something.

There is this swell magician on

TV, and you know what he did?

-No.

What did he do?

-He took a pair of sunglasses

and wrapped them up

in a handkerchief and beat

them flat with a hammer.

-Oh, my goodness!

-And when he opened

the handkerchief,

they weren't even broken.

-Isn't that amazing?

-I'm going to go show

Tommy how he did it.

I'll give your sunglasses back

when the trick's over, Mom!

-Dennis!

De-- Dennis, you come back here!

[theme music]

-Gee, you have?

A real goat, Mickey?

-Oh, sure!

I got all kinds of pets, Dennis.

-You sure are lucky.

My folks said I could have a pet

someday, if he's a little pet.

-I'll sell you one of my snakes.

They're little.

-I don't think my mom

would let me have a snake.

I took one in to

show her last year,

she dropped a lemon

pie on her foot.

-Hey, I know what you can have.

Come on down to my house.

I've got just the pet for you.

-Hi, Clarence.

-Mickey Haskell gave him to me.

Isn't he a swell pet?

-Yeah.

Do you think your folks

will let you keep him?

-I'm sure they will, I think.

My mom said I could

have a hamster some day.

-Let me get a

better look at him.

-OK.

-I didn't know a hamster

looked like that.

-I didn't either.

But Mickey got him

from some other kid.

And the other kid

said he was a hamster.

So that's what he is, all right.

-Sure has big teeth, hasn't he?

What does he it?

-Mickey says he eats

weeds and roots and stuff.

-We got some swell weeds in

our yard, if you need any.

-Heck, no, Tommy.

We got the tallest weeds

in town back of our garage.

My mom said so.

-I sure hope you can keep him.

-When I get home, I'll leave him

out in the yard, while I go in

and ask her.

Mom gets kind of nervous

when I surprise her.

-Isn't he swell?

-Yeah.

Hey, Mom, I'm home!

-Dennis, don't slam--

-How's the best mom in the

whole world feeling today?

-The best mom in

the whole world is

feeling a little

suspicious at the moment.

Why do you ask?

-Well, I was just thinking.

And I remember that

you said someday

I could have a pet, right?

-(STAMMERS) Well,

yes, ss-- someday.

-But we'll have to find

the right kind of pet, son.

-Mickey Haskell's got a swell

goat, with a beard down to here

and horns up to here.

-No, Dennis, no goats.

-Of course, not.

-Oh, I don't want a goat.

Goats are too big.

I just like to have some

kind of little-bitty pet

that wouldn't be any

trouble to anybody.

-That's the only kind.

-Like a little hamster, maybe?

-Well, we talked about

that once before.

You know, a hamster

might be just the thing.

-Well, as long as

we don't get a pair.

That's about too many.

Well, I guess, one

hamster ought to be OK.

-Oh, boy!

I knew you'd let me keep him.

His name is Clarence.

And he's awful smart.

He's outside in a cage.

And that's what Mickey said

he is, all right-- a hamster!

Come on!

Come on!

-Huh?

-I left his cage

out here in the yard

because Mom doesn't like

animals in the house sometimes.

-What a shrewd move.

-Uh.

-You'll be crazy about him,

Mom, because-- Dad, look,

my hamster's gone.

Somebody kidnapped him.

-Honey--

-Here's how he got out, son.

He just chewed a hole

right through the cage.

-Oh, that's a shame.

-Gee, I told him I'd

only be a minute.

-But don't worry

about it, honey.

He'll probably come right back.

-That's right, son.

We'll leave the cage outside

here and put some food in it.

When he gets hungry--

-I'll go look for him all over.

I just got to find him.

Hey, maybe he's in the backyard.

Here, Clarence!

Here, Clarence!

-Hello, Alice, Mitchell.

Just stopped to remind you not

to forget our fishing trip.

-Huh, forget it?

I can't think of anything else.

I've arranged to

take Friday off.

-Oh, fine.

-Oh, it'll do you both good

to get away for a few days.

-Oh, I can hardly wait, Alice.

-If you see Clarence any place,

Mr. Wilson, call me right away,

will you?

-If I see, who?

-Oh, we've had a minor tragedy.

-Dennis brought

home a pet hamster.

And the little fellow

got away somehow.

-Oh, that's too bad.

Well, I better be running along.

Mrs. Wilson's waiting

for me at the drugstore.

I'll see you later.

-I never would have

thought a hamster could

chew a hole like

this, would you?

-Well, come to think of it, no.

-Look at those sticks.

It's just like they were

cut with a hand axe.

Dennis?

Dennis, come here a minute.

-Did you find him yet, Dad?

-Not yet, son.

Tell me, uh, what kind of teeth

did this pet of yours have?

I-- I mean were they big?

-Yeah.

He's got swell teeth, Dad.

Two of them right in front.

Boy, do they look sharp.

-Ahem, uh-oh.

I tell you what, son.

Let's you and I go in and

look at our animal book.

Maybe you can show me a

picture of his, uh, hamster?

-OK, Dad.

-My, the yard is pretty, George.

I'm so proud of it.

-Yes, I think I've done

pretty well with it, Martha,

in spite of everything.

-It's hard work.

-Oh, I guess I battled of

every type of garden pest known

to man-- aphids, corn

borers, Dennis, cutworms,

plant lice, Dennis.

-Poor little Dennis, you're

pretty hard on him, George.

-Oh, I guess I am at

that sometimes, Martha.

He is a well-meaning

little fellow, I think.

-I'll take these in the house.

-All right, dear.

Aah.

No!

Gophers!

Martha!

Martha!

-What is it, George?

What's the matter?

-Martha, do you know what

I've got in this yard?

A gopher!

-Oh, no.

They're so destructive.

-Awful!

Why, one gopher could ruin

this entire yard in a week,

if I let him.

-Oh, dear.

-He just swallowed a

delphinium this long,

just like a strand of spaghetti!

Look, there's his hole.

-I hope you catch him.

-You bet I'll catch him.

I'll get that little

vandal out of there

if I have to tunnel him out

through with my bare hands!

-What are you doing Mr. Wilson?

Saying your prayers?

-Of course not.

But I may need prayer

before I'm through.

-Mr. Wilson, I'm afraid we

have some rather bad news.

-You've got bad news?

Wait till you hear mine.

I've got a gopher in my yard!

-Oh, dear, already.

-Where is he, Mr. Wilson?

That's Clarence!

That's my little hamster.

He's a gopher.

-What?

-The more we heard

about him, the less

he sounded like a hamster.

-Uh, Dennis picked

out his picture.

This.

-That's a good picture

of him, Mrs. Wilson.

He sure got pretty

teeth, hasn't he?

-Never mind, Dennis.

-Mitchell, there hasn't been

a gopher in this end of town

for years.

Nobody has gophers

in their yard.

Why does he pick on me?

-I'm terribly sorry,

Mr. Wilson, but Dennis

thought it was a hamster.

-You see, he got it

from some little boy

on the other side of town.

-Great Scott!

Now, Dennis is going

clear across town

to find trouble for me.

-Gophers are not pets, Tommy.

-They're not?

Gee, they sure look like pets.

-No, sir.

A gopher is a wild animal.

He isn't happy in a cage.

He's supposed to live

out in the woods.

My dad said so.

-And what are we

going to do about it?

-What we got to do, Tommy, is

catch old Clarence right away.

Because Dad says the

minute they get him out

of Mr. Wilson's flowers, he'll

take me down to the pet store

and buy me a hamster.

A real one!

-Oh, boy!

You think we can catch him?

-Heck, yes!

I know a way to

build a dandy trap.

Come on to our garage!

-We'll get him, Mr. Wilson.

The minute he sticks

his nose in this trap--

-What?

Oh, I won't sleep

a wink tonight.

-Oh, George, you do need

that trip to the lake.

I wish you boys could

leave right now.

-Now?

Huh!

We won't even be able

to leave Thursday

if we haven't trapped

this gopher by then.

Why, I wouldn't

enjoy a minute of it!

-No, I guess you wouldn't.

-Why, I'd soon go off and

leave my house on fire

as to leave a gopher

in my flower beds.

-I-- I know what you mean.

[sighs]

Well, I'm not worried about it.

We'll have him by

tomorrow morning.

See you later, Mrs. Wilson.

-All right, Mitchell.

-Well, I'll go and

get dinner started.

-All right, dear.

-Pitch it right here, Tommy.

This is a good

place for a gopher.

-Dennis!

What are you doing?

-Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson!

-Get that thing out

of my flower bed.

What is this anyhow?

-It's our gopher trap.

-Me and Tommy are going to

catch our little gopher for you.

-Well, don't bother.

I'll catch it.

-Oh, it isn't any bother.

-No, we like to catch things.

-Well, you just catch

him somewhere else.

Not in my flower bed.

-OK.

We'll catch him

here on your lawn!

You know how this

works, Mr. Wilson?

When old Clarence

gets hungry tonight,

he'll come out and eat

this big, fat carrot.

-Sure.

And that pulls the stick

and the box falls down.

-Right.

And tomorrow, when we

look, he'll be in there.

Then my Dad will

buy me a hamster.

-Good morning, Mr. Wilson.

Any luck?

-Oh, hello, Mitchell.

No, no luck with

that one over there.

The little devil sprung it again

last night, got away clean.

-Oh, gosh.

Well, maybe that

one will be luckier.

-Look at this.

Sprung, too.

You know, that

gopher is no fool.

He's a diabolical genius.

-He certainly is.

-[sighs]

He's got, uh, an

appetite like an army

mule and a set of

teeth like a buzz saw.

Just look at these

flowers-- ruined.

-Tomorrow's Thursday.

-Gee, Tommy.

He isn't in there.

-Maybe Mrs. Elkins' old

cat scared him away.

-I don't think Clarence

is afraid of cats.

-I thought sure we'd

catch him by now.

-He's pretty smart, all right.

I bet he's just

hiding some place,

just watching us right now.

-Where do you think he's hiding?

-Well, the best place to hide

around here is under the house.

You see him now?

-No.

[thump]

-Tommy, look!

Our trap!

He's in there!

We got Clarence!

-Don't touch it!

Don't pick it up.

He might get away.

-He's in here.

Don't touch him.

I'll go get Mr. Wilson.

Mr. Wilson!

Mr. Wilson!

Come quick, Mr. Wilson!

[bangs on door]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): We

got him, Mr. Wilson!

[bangs on door]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Mr. Wilson!

We got him in our

trap, Mr. Wilson!

-Are you sure?

Oh, this is the best news yet.

Now, Tommy, get away.

Don't touch it!

-Mr. Wilson--

-Oh.

---that--

-I hope this isn't

a false alarm, boys.

I couldn't stand it.

-Can you see him?

He's in there, all right.

-Dennis, it's not the gopher.

It's Mrs. Elkins' old cat.

-It is?

Uh-oh.

-Oh, I see him.

I see him.

My, he's a big son of a g*n.

ELKINS (OFFSCREEN): Meow,

here, kitty-kitty, kitty-kitty,

kitty-kitty.

Here, kitty-kitty,

kitty-kitty, kit--

-I think we better go play over

at your house today, Tommy.

ELKINS (OFFSCREEN): Here,

kitty Here, kitty-kitty.

Here, Tinker Bell.

Oh, Mr. Wilson, have you seen

my kitten, little Tinker Bell?

-No, Mrs. Elkins, I haven't

seen the little Tinker at all.

-Here, kitty-kitty.

[cat meows]

-Oh, when--

-What?

Oh!

All the contemptible,

mean-- why,

I ought to have you arrested!

-What?

Why, I, uh--

-Why, everybody knows you

hate animals and children, Mr.

Wilson.

But--

But--

-I do not any--

-The--

---such thing!

---idea of trapping a poor,

defenseless little kitten.

-I didn't even set this trap.

The boys set the trap.

Dennis, will you explain--

Dennis!

Dennis?

Where did he go?

-Yes, that's right.

Blame poor little Dennis.

Well, believe me, all my

friends will hear about this!

-Fine!

Get all your friends together

and send them both over here.

Maybe they can help

me catch my gopher.

Hope she falls off her broom.

-We probably should have

done this in the first place.

-Oh, yeah.

Merrivale says this is

the only way to do it.

Flush him out with

a garden hose.

-Well, it'll be

worth the dollar we

paid to rent this silly cage if

we can get the gopher into it.

-[laughs]

-Well, I've got this

section covered.

-Ah, good.

I'll flush him

out from this end.

And when he comes out

into this cage, ha-ha!

We got him!

-This ought to get results.

-Oh, sure!

Yeah, the water

goes in this hole,

and the gopher

comes out this end.

That's all there is to it.

-He-he, he's in

trouble this time.

I-- I expect he knows it by now.

-You know, I'm going to

wait right here where

I can watch this cage

till this thing is over.

-Well, it shouldn't be long.

-Oh, sir, we've really got

him cornered this time.

I don't know why I didn't

think of this yesterday.

-Ha-ha, well, I've got

to go over to the house

and make a phone call.

Let me know when it happens.

-Oh, I'll fire off

a -g*n salute

when I catch this

gopher, Mitchell.

Don't worry.

I'll let you know.

Well, you little-- got you now.

Well, now, where the

Dickens is that water going?

I suppose the-- I wonder-- huh.

Well, now-- What, now,

where is it going?

[gushing water]

-Great Scott!

It's-- oh, ho!

Ha-ha!

I got him!

I got him!

Martha!

Martha!

Oh, she went downtown.

Mitchell!

I'll call Mitchell.

-You have?

Oh, that's great, Mr. Wilson.

He caught the gopher.

-Wonderful!

-I-- I thought it would work.

Huh?

Not in the cage?

Well, how?

-We'll open it for

you, Mrs. Wilson.

-We can open it!

-Help me, Tommy.

Clarence!

Clarence!

Clarence!

Clarence!

Clarence!

Clarence!

-And you slammed

the garage door, ha?

Ah-ha!

Great!

Congratulations.

-Does Dennis know Mr.

Wilson's caught him?

-Yeah, yeah.

I'll be over to help

you put him in the cage.

And then we'll decide

what to do with him.

And tomorrow, Lake Bailey!

-Ha-ha!

And by golly, am I ready, he-he.

I'll bet those fish

are jumping like fleas.

Why there's one

big fellow up there

that must weigh about pounds.

-Mr. Wilson!

Guess-- guess what?

-Just a minute, Mitchell.

What is it, Dennis?

-Mr. Wilson--

-Mr. Wilson?

Mr. Wilson?

Hello?

Hello!

-Oh, what's the matter?

What happened?

-I don't know.

All of a sudden, he just

went sort of incoherent.

Gave a little moan,

and the line went dead.

-Gee, Dennis.

I never did see a

grown man cry before.

-Good old Mr. Wilson.

Hey, maybe we ought to tell

him about our discovery.

That ought to cheer him up.

-Yeah, that will be a

swell surprise for him.

-Boy, just look at that.

I'll bet Mr. Wilson's got

the only house in town

with a spring

right in the patio.

-Well, I might as well

put this stuff away.

Boy, I was sure looking

forward to that trip.

-I know, honey, it's a shame.

Do you suppose we'll

ever catch that gopher?

-Frankly, I don't know.

He must have, at least,

holes in that yard by now.

And he's much too

smart for a trap.

We may have to send

for an exterminator.

-We got him, Dad!

I'm going to tell Tommy!

-What did he say?

-It sounded like, "we got him."

You don't suppose--

-Dennis?

Dennis!

He's gone.

Let's go over to Wilson's.

-Well, there he is, Martha.

Ha!

At last. [chuckles]

-My, he's little, George.

I thought he'd be--

-The battle is over, huh?

-Oh, yes.

I just caught him a little

while ago, Mitchell.

Ho-ho-ho!

He was a tricky little

devil, but I outsmarted him.

-I thought you found him in

that trap the boys built.

The one with the box, and--

-Ooh, uh, well, I did.

But, uh, well, why was

he in the boy's trap?

Because I flooded all his

other tunnels so completely,

he couldn't go anywhere

else, that's why.

-That's out-thinking him.

-Ho-ho.

When you pit a wild

animal-- cunning

as he is-- against the brain

of civilized man, Mitchell,

there can only be one outcome.

-Yes, water in the basement.

-I had no idea they were such

interesting little creatures,

Mrs. Wilson.

-Yes, look at him, Alice.

Isn't he cute?

-He's cute.

He's dandy.

-Cute?

Do you realize

that little vermin

has eaten $ worth

of my flowers?

---in three days!

-Look at him, George, look!

I think he's smiling at you.

-Oh, Martha.

Wild animals can't smile.

You know that.

-Well, it looked like a smile.

-Probably, a touch

of indigestion.

-Huh!

He certainly earned it.

Ate enough of my dahlia bulbs

to give a heartburn to a horse.

-He won't be eating any more.

By the way, there

was something I

wanted to talk to you

about, Mr. Wilson.

-All right, what

is it, Mitchell?

-Well, ahem, after we

dispose of the gopher,

how about you and

I going up to Lake

Bailey for this evening

for a little fishing?

-Oh, ha-ha!

-Hi, everybody!

See, Tommy, that's

Clarence, see?

-Hi, Clarence.

-Well, no, not too close, boys.

Get away from the cage.

-You know where you're

going, Clarence?

You're going for a long ride

out in the country where

you have the whole big

woods to live in out there.

-That's what I told

Dennis we'd do with him.

Take him out in the country

some place and turn him loose.

-Well, fair enough.

Good idea, Mitchell.

I'll go get my coat and

ride out with you right now.

-Oh, you and Mr. Wilson

don't have to bother, Dad.

Tommy and I have

got it all fixed.

-What do you mean "all fixed"?

-There's this great,

big truck parked

across the street at

the park from our house.

-And the driver is

eating his lunch.

He'll be leaving

in a few minutes.

-And he's going to take

Clarence and let him out way out

in the country for us.

Isn't that swell?

-That sounds like a solution

to everything, George.

-Why, yes.

Come on, Mitchell.

Lets go talk to the man, ha?

-The sooner this is over,

the happier I'll be.

-We'll all be.

-Especially me.

And you know when

I'll be happier, Mom?

When I get my very own hamster.

-Dennis, first thing

in the morning,

you and I go out and

buy one-- cage and all.

-Oh, boy!

-[laughs]

-Hey, Dad!

Wait a minute!

I didn't tell Clarence goodbye!

-[both laugh]

-(SINGING) Param-param,

teedee, param, tadah.

Oh, just leave all that

stuff on the curb, Mitchell.

I'll pack it.

Oh boy, I feel wonderful.

-We ought to sleep good tonight.

That great mountain air!

-He-he.

-Oho, Dennis.

-Boy, it sure is

dark with that hat.

-Here's the food

to eat on the way.

-Wonderful!

-Fried chicken and coconut cake

with potato salad, Mrs. Wilson?

-Why, yes.

How did you know?

-That's what Mom

cooked for them.

She said she just bet you

wouldn't cook the same thing,

too.

-Oh, ha-ha-ha.

Don't you worry.

We'll eat it all.

-You bet.

Ha-ha.

-Well, I think this is

just about everything.

[car horn honks]

MICKEY (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Dennis!

Come here, will you?

-Would you look

at all this stuff

they're taking

for only two days?

-It looks like an

African safari.

-Well, we like to

be comfortable.

When Mitchell and I rough it,

we rough it in style, don't we?

-Give that here.

Let me help you.

-Hey, Dad, guess what?

Mickey Haskell was down

at the service station.

And this big truck

stopped for gas.

And Mickey saw my little

gopher on the front seat.

-Oh, good.

Then he'll be all right.

-Yeah.

And Mickey brought

him back to me

because he thought I wanted it.

Look!

So you and Mr. Wilson can take

him to Lake Bailey with you

and leave him there.

-Yeah, I guess that's

the best thing.

We'll take him along and

leave him at Lake Bailey.

-What?

-Leave who at Lake Bailey?

-He's back, the gopher.

-What?

The gopher?

Where?

-Oh!

[clangs]

-Oh, no!

Great Scott!

[theme music]