[humming]
-Now what?
Dennis!
-Gee, ya sure are
smart Mr. Wilson.
How'd ya know it was me?
-Oh, who else'd stick his foot
through the roof of my tool
shed?
[theme music]
-Sweetheart, I think I'd
better call the office
and tell 'em to
send someone else.
-Oh honey, you can't do that.
All I have is a little
cold and your trip's
much too important for that.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey Dad!
I'm bringing your suitcase down.
-Leave it alone son,
it's too heavy for you.
-No it isn't.
I've got a system.
[loud bang]
-I told you that
was too heavy son.
-Oh Dennis, how can
you do such things?
-It's easy mom.
Want me to do it again?
-No.
-Dennis, that's not
the kind of a man
I can leave in
charge of the house.
-You can't?
-No, you shouldn't have been
fooling with my suitcase.
-But I was just trying to help.
-I know son, but let's
try and be a little more
constructive in our help, huh?
Come on over here.
Now you know I'm going out
of town on business today,
and I'll be gone all night.
Now your mother
isn't feeling well
and I'm depending on you
to take good care of her
and see that she doesn't
worry about a thing.
-I will dad.
-OK.
Now I've called the
employment agency
and they're sending a woman
over here to clean up the house
and fix your dinner.
I'll just put the
money right here.
-Gee, is that all for her?
-Yes Dennis.
Mr. Wilson said he'd be around
in case of an emergency.
-Oh honey, all I
have is a little cold
and a slight headache.
Stop worrying, it isn't serious.
-Well, I, I just don't feel
right about leaving you alone.
-Oh.
She won't be alone.
She's got me.
-That's right.
-Ha, ha, OK darling, as
long you promise as soon
as I've left you'll
scat up to bed.
-Ha, promise.
-You'll be in charge of
the house while I'm gone.
Think you can handle it?
-Sure dad.
You won't have to worry.
Any old burglars try to get
in this house I'll button one.
-You do that.
Remember, you're the
man of the house.
I'll be back as soon
as I can, darling.
Ahem.
Now woman, off to bed.
-Ha, ha alright.
drive carefully.
-Ha ha OK.
-Bye dad.
-So long son.
[doorbell]
-Dennis?
[doorbell]
-I got it, mom.
Hi.
-Hello young man.
Good morning Miss, is
your mother at home?
-She is our mother.
-I don't believe it.
You're not Mrs. Mitchell,
Mrs. Henry Mitchell,
well the Browns told me you
were very young and pretty.
-She's not so young,
she's gonna be --
-Dennis!
-Children, what would
we do without them?
I'm Alistair Sinclair.
Perhaps Mrs. Brown
called you about me?
-I don't think I
know any Mrs. Brown?
-Well they are rather new in
the neighborhood I believe.
But she knows you and she was
so thrilled with her lovely gift
that she wanted you to
share her good fortune.
-No, thank you.
-Now Mrs. Mitchell, I'm
not selling anything.
I'm giving you the opportunity
to have a lovely dinner
party in your own home with your
own selection of eight guests
catered by a magnificent chef
with a core of trained helpers
serving a seven-course dinner
complete from hors d'oeuvres
to after dinner mints
at absolutely no cost
or obligation to you.
-No thank you.
-And for your courtesy in
inviting eight of your friends
into your home to participate
in our sales demonstration,
you will be given, absolutely
free at no cost or obligation,
a beautiful gift of our
Plastiplex no scorch,
no burn freezer-to-oven-to-table
dinnerware.
-No thank you.
-Break yourself of
the hot kitchen.
[slams door]
-No thank you!
-Oh.
Jeepers mom, it sounded
like a bargain to me.
-Dennis dear, I'm in
no mood for bargains.
All I want to do is get to bed.
My head hurts.
KIDS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey Mrs. Mitchell!
Can Dennis come outside?
-Oh why doesn't that
cleaning woman get here?
Dennis, go out and tell them
you can't play now dear.
-OK mom.
[yelling]
Hey you guys, don't
make too much noise
my mom's got a headache!
-Hi Dennis!
-I can't play now, I'm taking
care of my poor old mom.
-Ya got anything to eat?
-Maybe.
My dad had to go
away on business
and I'm in full
charge around here.
-Boy, that chicken
sure looks good.
-Mmmmm.
[doorbell]
-I gotta go answer the doorbell.
Cuz when my dad's away,
I'm the man of the house.
Hi.
-I'm Miss Rafferty.
The agency sent me.
Where's your mother?
-She's in bed.
She's got a headache.
-Huh.
Must be nice to be rich.
-Good morning.
Are you from the agency?
-They didn't tell me
it was this far out.
I had to change buses times.
-I'm sorry.
-They didn't tell me it was
a two story house, neither.
I ain't luggin no vacuum
up and down them stairs.
-There really won't be very
much to do Mrs. Rafferty.
In fact you don't have to worry
about the upstairs at all.
If you just straighten
up a little bit
downstairs well that'll be fine.
Now, if you don't mind,
I'm going back up to bed.
I'm not feeling very well.
-You got anything contagious?
-Nothing serious, just a cold.
-Well, all right.
Just so long as I don't
have to go upstairs.
-Thank you.
-Hey!
You already had two pieces!
-No I didn't!
-Hi!
-Hi!
-This is Miss Rafferty.
She's gonna clean up the house.
-Oh no she isn't.
I ain't cleaning up no
house with an upstairs
and a downstairs and contagious
diseases and a dozen kids!
[laughing]
-Good bye Dennis.
-Bye Dennis.
-Bye Dennis.
-Goodbye Dennis.
We gotta go now.
-Hey Tommy, wait a minute.
-What for?
-I got a problem.
It's pretty hard work
being man of the house.
-Yeah.
-That poor working
woman went away.
somebody's gotta clean up
around here for poor ol' mom.
-Why don't cha get your mom
to phone for somebody else?
-Oh no Tommy.
If I tell her Miss Rafferty's
gone, she'll worry.
That's the one thing my dad
doesn't want, for mom to worry.
I gotta find some
friend, some pal.
-Goodbye Dennis.
-Hey Tommy!
Aren'tcha gonna help me?
-Uh-uh.
-I'll give ya my busted
airplane and my goldfish bowl.
-I can't Dennis.
I gotta go before that old
Margaret catches up to us.
-Hey Tommy.
You just gave me a good idea.
Margaret?
This is Dennis.
You got any new comics?
Well, if you let me
read 'em, and promise
not to tell the kids, I'll let
ya come over and play house.
-You mean I get to
clean the whole house?
-Just the downstairs.
-Goodness knows there's
enough to do right here.
Everything is simply filthy.
Where's your dishwasher?
-She's in bed.
-Silly, I mean the electric one.
-Well the only dishwasher we got
in this house is good ol' mom.
-Well, when you
get a raise, that's
the first thing
we're going to buy.
There, there baby,
go to your daddy.
-Say that again
and I'll bop you.
-Do you want to play
house or don't you?
-OK.
-Bubble the baby.
-First we'll do the dishes.
And then we'll scrub
this filthy floor.
And then we'll wash
these filthy curtains.
-Bye Margaret.
I gotta go to the office.
-Dennis Mitchell,
you know very well
this is Saturday afternoon.
-Oh yeah.
I forgot.
Well I gotta go play
golf with the boys.
-Oh no, you don't.
-But husbands are
supposed to play golf.
-Alright for you
Dennis Mitchell.
If you go play golf
once more and leave me
with this child to take care of
and this filthy house to clean,
I'm going to take the baby
and go home to my mother.
-OK, what do you
want me to do first?
-First, kiss the baby.
You made the poor
little thing cry.
-As soon as the
wash is done, you
can hang it out while I
vacuum the front room.
-Jeepers!
-Oh!
MRS. MITCHELL
-Margaret, here.
Hey mom, go back to bed please!
-My headache's practically gone.
All I needed was a little rest.
-Don't come downstairs
you'll get sick again.
-I just wanted to make sure
everything was alright.
Oh, you are staying out of Mrs.
Rafferty's way, aren't you?
-You don't need to
worry about that mom.
-Oh, you might ask her
if she's not too busy,
the kitchen floor could
stand a scrubbing.
-Oh you don't need to worry
about that either mom.
You're going to have the
cleanest floor in town.
-OK.
-Jeepers!
I guess maybe this
is an emergency.
-My goodness Dennis Mitchell!
The least you could
do is get help
before me and the baby drown.
-I'm going for Mr. Wilson.
-Great Scott!
-Nobody's supposed to yell, Mr.
Wilson, cuz my poor ol' mom's
got a headache.
-If I were your
poor ol' mom, I'd
have a headache
every day of my life.
Why Margaret, what
are you doing here?
-Dennis and I got married.
-We did not!
You better stop saying that!
-We did too!
-We were just pretending.
Besides, you promised
not to tell anybody.
-I said I wouldn't
tell the kids,
but I had to tell Mr.
Wilson cuz he's my friend.
Aren't you Mr. Wilson?
-Why you!!
-Oh, OK that's enough.
Stop that.
You're getting suds
all over the place.
Of course I'm your
friend my dear.
But why don't you be a good
little girl and run along home?
-That's just what
I'm going to do.
And I'm never ever going
to marry you again,
Dennis Mitchell!
Not even if I turn
into an old maid!
-What are these things?
-Curtains.
That Margaret.
I'm glad you made her
go home, Mr. Wilson.
Even if we do have to iron
these curtains ourselves.
-Iron them?
Me?
-Sure Mr. Wilson.
Somebody's got to iron em.
Cuz if I tell mom
she'll come downstairs
and she'll really
have a headache.
-How do I get myself
into these things?
[yawning]
[sighing]
-You sure are a good
ironer, Mr. Wilson.
-Why thank you, Dennis.
Ha ha, I don't know why women
make such a fuss about ironing.
Ha ha.
The trouble with women,
Dennis, they don't match.
-Don't match what?
-Each other.
-How come women are
supposed to match?
-Oh, not women Dennis.
The curtains.
Oh, now I could have
sworn they measured
the same when I put
them on the rod.
-Oh, I thought you meant women.
That was a good joke
on me, huh Mr. Wilson.
[laughs]
-Mr. Wilson?
-Oh don't bother me now Dennis.
Heaven's sake you
need a slide rule
to figure these things out.
-My mom says--
-Oh please Dennis.
-My mom says it's
important that--
-Alright, what's important?
-My mom says it's very
important that you never
leave a hot iron lying
on top of anything.
-Oh!
Oh great Scott!
And that's the one that matched.
-Jeepers, you sure are in
trouble now Mr. Wilson.
Those are my mom's
best curtains.
-I'll buy her some new ones.
-My mom had to run all over
town buying those curtains.
And they were the last ones.
-Well I didn't do it on purpose.
-Hey, I've got an
idea Mr. Wilson.
Why don't we cut out
the burned place?
-No, it'd show.
-Those are very fat curtains.
-Well yes.
Yes, it might work at that.
Well temporarily at least.
Ha ha.
You know, Dennis, sometimes
you're smart beyond your years.
Yeah, it's a very good idea.
-That's why my dad made
me the man of the house.
[chuckles]
-Thank you dear.
-Would you like me to bring
you anything else mom?
-Not a thing, dear.
But after I take
my nap, I'm going
to enjoy some of that
cold chicken for dinner.
-Jeepers.
-Oh Dennis.
The house is all nice and clean.
Now you try and keep it
nice and clean for your mom.
-I will Mr. Wilson.
-Good.
[phone rings]
-Hello?
-Is this the Mitchell residence?
-Yes it is.
-I'm the gentleman who called
on your mother earlier.
How is she?
-Oh she's fine.
-I'm the man who put's
on the free dinners.
-You are?
-Yes.
We had an unexpected
cancellation
and I wonder if she
would reconsider and let
me put on a dinner
for her tonight.
Would you ask her to
come to the phone?
-Well, uh, she's upstairs and
can't come down right now.
-Well I hate to see all
this food go to waste.
Tell her if she can't get eight
other friends in for dinner
tonight, I'll settle for five.
-Is that all we have to do?
-That's right.
-We'll have eight
friends for you alright.
Just come on over, Mr. Goodbye.
-Oh, you tell Mrs.,
what's her name?
Rafferty?
-You mean the lady
who cooked the dinner?
-Yes.
-She said to call her Annie.
-Well you tell her the
dinner was simply delicious.
Much better than that
leftover chicken.
[sighs]
I haven't had such a
good vacation in years!
-My mom said the dinner
was simply delicious.
-Glad she enjoyed it.
Too bad she had to
miss her own party.
Mr. St. Claire said we were
supposed to have eight people.
And that's what we got alright.
Is he coming over?
Later.
Then he makes the sales
pitch about the Plastiflex
dinnerware.
When they're ready
for us in there,
just tell them to ring the bell.
[rings bell]
-We're ready anytime you are.
[bell rings]
[bell rings]
-Whatsamatter?
[bell rings]
-Maybe they're
sitting on low chairs.
[laughter]
I can't wait to see
St. Claire's face.
-It's no skin off our nose,
we get paid by the week.
[bell rings]
-Well, ahem.
[bell rings]
-Madame?
-Please.
-Anybody read any
good comics lately?
-Not me.
[knocks on door]
-How's it going?
-I just do the cooking
and cleanin up afterwards.
-You lined 'em up,
you oughta know.
-Tough, huh?
Doesn't matter.
The tougher they are to
sell, the better I operate.
-Mr. St. Claire,
I've got a feeling
that this isn't
gonna be your night.
-Shame on you trying to
destroy his confidence.
Why, you know Mr. St. Claire's
our that top salesman.
He never misses.
[laughs]
[doorbell rings]
-Oh hi Mr. Wilson.
Come on in.
Join the party.
-I brought a little
supper over for you
and your mother, Dennis.
It isn't much.
-Oh we've got plenty
of dinner Mr. Wilson.
-Wha, what's all this?
I, I don't understand.
-It's the Plastiflex
folks, Mr. Wilson.
They give ya a free dinner
if you invite eight friends.
Aren't they swell?
-Oh ho, no.
-Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sure you've all enjoyed
your dinner prepared and served
in our no scorch--
--freezer-to-oven-to-table
Plastiflex dinnerware.
Delicious meals in jiffy.
Help your wife break
the hot kitchen habit.
Why make her a sl*ve to old
fashioned cooking methods?
-Dennis?
Dennis?
-Yes mom?
-Time for the man of the
house to come to bed.
-Soon as I've watched
the nine o'clock news.
-Oh Dennis, don't plug that in!
-Jeepers.
-Honey, it was out of order.
Oh Dennis, now you've turned
out all the lights in the house.
-Boy, it sure was lucky we were
ready to go to bed, huh mom?
-There, now I call Mr. Wilson.
-Jeepers mom, we don't need
any lights when we're asleep.
-Hello, Mr. Wilson?
This is Alice.
-A fuse blew out?
Oh ho ho, why
that's the simplest
thing in the world Alice.
I'll be right over.
-Jeepers mom, you didn't
have to bother Mr. Wilson.
Remember?
I'm the man of the house.
-I'm sorry dear.
I guess in all the excitement
I just sort of forgot
you were in charge.
[yelling]
-Help!
-Help!
-Help!
-Police, Help!
-Dennis, come back here!
Don't go out there!
Help, help police!
Help!
-Help!
-Help!
God, you!
Mr. Wilson?
-Mitchell?
Well what in the world
are you doing home?
-Well I finished up early and I
just came on home. ) home, dad.
-He he he, welcome
Some milk for my young man.
-You may not believe this
Henry, but that fuse blowing
is the first thing that's
gone wrong all day.
Well, a little accident like
that could happen to anyone.
-Why certainly, accidents
will happen no matter
how careful one tries to be.
-Hey mom?
Here's a present I gotcha.
-Plastiflex dinnerware?
-I got ours absolutely free.
But good ol' Mr. Wilson
bought some for Mrs. Wilson.
And all he got back from a
$ bill was two cents change.
That reminds me, dad.
Here's your change.
-My change from what?
-From the poor working woman.
All she wanted was her carfare.
Guess I manage pretty good, huh?
You can leave me
in charge any time.
I make a good man of the house.
Huh mom, huh dad?
-You certainly do.
Oh no!
Look at my brand new curtains!
They're ruined!
-Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't know what possessed
me to cut them up.
I hoped you wouldn't notice.
-You cut them up, Mr. Wilson?
-It was just as much my fault
as it was good ol' Mr. Wilson's.
I told him to.
-Well I, I, I shouldn't
have listened.
But I just couldn't leave
them the way they were.
-Well why not?
-Because you weren't feeling
well and oh, what's the use?
Believe me, it would
take hours just
to tell you what's
happened in the last eight.
If you like I'll pay
for the curtains,
but I was only trying to help.
-Hey you know something?
Good ol' Mr. Wilson
sounds just like me.
-I do?
Jeepers!
-Greeeaaat Scott!
[laughter]
-Oh Dennis!
02x06 - Man of the House
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.