-Oh, hi, Mom.
-Hi, Dennis.
How was school?
-Gee, swell.
Hey, you know what the
kids in the fifth grade
had in their room?
An "ink-a-bator."
-Really?
-Yeah, and you know
what they had in it?
Eggs?
And you know what the eggs did?
--[laughs] Yes, I can
imagine they hatched.
-Yeah.
And you know what came out?
-Of course I do, Dennis.
-Well, they gave me one.
Can I keep it?
-Oh, I suppose so, as long
as you take care of it
and feed it.
-Sure I will.
Have we got any raw meat?
-Raw meat?
-Sure.
That's what you got to
feed baby alligators.
[shriek]
[theme music]
-(SINGING) Golden,
golden clippers.
Golden, golden clippers.
Bum, da dum bum, ba da dum.
Yat da dee dee dee.
Golden, golden clippers.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hello, Mr. Wilson!
-Great Scott, the day's ruined.
-What are you doing, Mr. Wilson?
-Well, what does it
look like I'm doing?
-It looks like you're putting
a border on your walk.
-[laughs] You're a bright boy.
You should work for the FBI.
-Aren't you afraid you'll stub
your toe when you go barefoot?
-I never go barefoot.
Now Dennis, what did
you come in here for?
-I came in to help you
with whatever you're doing.
-Oh, Dennis, run along.
Go play with Tommy.
-Tommy's not home yet.
He had to go to the dentist.
-All right, then
go play with Joey.
-I can't.
Joey's got the chicken
pox, and there's a sign up.
-Well, here, go start
a rock collection.
-Jeepers.
I think it's too big
for my slingshot.
-That's not what you do
with a rock collection.
You just save them.
-Like these rocks
for your border.
-No, no, no.
These are all the same.
These rocks are graded
carefully as to size and color.
I gathered them
myself at the beach.
-Did you go barefoot?
-Oh, good gravy.
Will you please
forget about my feet?
Now we're talking
about rock collecting.
-Is it sort of like
collecting baseball cards?
-Well yes, exactly.
Now doesn't rock
collecting sound like fun?
-It sounds, uh, kinda heavy.
-Heavy-- heh, heh.
Dennis, if you could win $
in a rock collecting contest,
would they seem as heavy?
-Heck no.
-All right, I'll give
$ prize to the boy that
can collect the most
different kinds of rocks
during the next week.
-Wow.
-And you've got a head start.
That rock in your
hand is granite.
-How'd you know
that, Mr. Wilson?
-Well, because
I've studies rocks.
And there are hundreds
of different kinds.
And I've got the names of
most of them right up here.
-Is that Mr. Dorfman said
you've got rocks in your head?
-When did he say that?
-Yesterday when he
delivered your mail.
Hey, Mr. Wilson, how
many more weeks you
going to be getting those
mail-order dancing lessons?
-Oh, none of your business.
Now go away, and leave me alone.
MRS WILSON (OFFSCREEN): George,
that's no way to talk to him.
-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.
I'm going to start
a rock collection.
-Well, go look in the park.
There are lots of
them over there.
-Thanks.
You know, Mr. Wilson,
you're my best friend.
Bye.
-George, if you want your ad
to appear in tomorrow's paper,
you best phone it in.
-Oh, uh, in a minute, Martha.
Yeah, I've been
composing it in my mind.
-Well, you better
compose a good one.
It will take some ad to
sell that piece of property.
-Oh ho ho, no, that's where
you're wrong, my dear.
That's a very desirable lot.
-Then why was it so
cheap when you bought it?
-Well, I'll tell you why.
It's because of what
I've got right up--
-Yeah, well, go ahead.
Never mind It's because I'm
a very shrewd businessman.
And the next time Dorfman
delivers the mail,
I don't want you
offering him any coffee.
-George, what's the
matter with you.
Sometimes you act as if
you had rocks in your head.
-Great Scott.
(GRUMBLING) Rocks in my head.
Oh, for Pete's sake.
Now I'm one short.
[sigh]
-Hi, Dennis.
-Hi, Tommy.
How was the dentist.
-Hmm, pretty good.
He had some new comic books.
-Did his finger get
healed from the last time?
-Sure, but I bit it again.
Whatcha doing?
-I'm starting a rock collection.
Mr. Wilson's going to
give $ to the kid that
gets the most kinds in a week.
-Boy, I'm gonna start
a collection, too.
-You better hurry.
I already got a load home.
I got red ones and black ones
and brown ones and shiny ones.
And I found one that
might be a ruby.
-A real ruby?
-It might be.
It's either that or
a piece of taillight.
-You've had a hard day, dear.
Give me your coat.
I'll hang it up for you.
-Oh, I can do that.
-You will not.
You'll go in the living room
and stretch out on the couch
until dinner.
[chuckles]
-Honey, you know something?
-What?
-Bachelors are idiots.
-Sure.
Do it again.
Heh.
-How was your day?
MOM (OFFSCREEN): Oh, the usual.
I had to call the plumber
for that wash basin again.
This time it was modeling clay.
-That boy's got
to be disciplined.
-Oh, I spoke to him.
And he said, jeepers,
mom, don't you
want me to wash my
hands before dinner?
-We can't win.
-No.
Oh, and Henry, he's
going to need new shoes.
-What, again?
-Well, he goes through
them awfully fast.
-You've heard of the
four-minute mile.
Dennis does the
four-minute shoes.
But I guess it can't be helped.
Oh, for crying out loud?
-What's the-- oh.
-What are these rocks
doing on the sofa?
-Well, I forgot to tell you.
Dennis started a
rock collection.
-Well, there are two
places I don't want them.
One-- the sofa.
Two-- the drain.
-Yes.
-Honey, you remember what I said
about bachelors being idiots?
-Yes.
-Maybe we ought to hear
their side of the story.
-Yes, this is
quite good, Dennis.
Now about that light
gray rock I gave you--
-Yeah, that was a swell one.
What kind of rock
is that, Mr. Wilson?
-Well, that happens to
be quartzite, Dennis.
Now, about that rock--
-What kind is this one?
-Well, that's pegmatite, Dennis.
Now about that rock--
-And what's this one?
-Well, that happens
to be quartz.
Now Dennis, about that
gray rock I gave you.
-Sure Mr. Wilson.
It was "gram-it."
-I know it.
I want it back.
-Jeepers, I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.
But you know what you told
me about trading them.
Well I already
traded it to Tommy.
-Oh, for Pete's sake.
I needed it to finish my border.
-You want this one?
It's about the same size.
-Well, no.
That's black.
-You could paint it.
-Give me that.
That does it.
-Hey, Mr. Wilson, you
scratched your table.
-Oh, great Scott.
-It's OK.
I won't tell Mrs. Wilson.
-Tell me what?
-Oh, never mind.
Don't ask.
-He didn't mean to
do it, Mrs. Wilson.
-Oh, goodbye Dennis.
-Bye, Mrs. Wilson.
-What did you do, George?
-Oh, I scratched the table
with his confounded rocks.
-Oh, George, you ought
to be more careful.
-Well, you stop worrying
about that table
and worry about my sanity.
If that boy comes over
here just once more
to have me identify his
rocks, I won't be responsible.
-Well, you have only
yourself to blame, dear.
You started him on this hobby.
-Well, now I know
how Frankenstein
felt when he
created the monster.
[doorbell rings]
-Uh-oh, there he is.
He's probably back again.
You get it, Martha.
-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.
Could Mr. Wilson look
at these rocks for me?
-Well, I don't think
this is the time for it.
You better run along, Tommy.
-Why, Martha, what
a thing to say.
This dear boy is always welcome.
You just come right in, Tommy.
-Thank you, Mr. Wilson.
-Oh, you brought your rock
collection with you, eh?
-Sure.
-All of them?
-Uh-huh.
-Oh, fine-- fine, fine.
Now, I want to talk to
you about that gray rock
that Dennis traded you.
-OK.
-Eh, I don't imagine it's very
important to your collection,
is it?
-No.
--[laughs] I'll bet you'd
trade it to a good friend,
wouldn't you, dear boy?
-Sure.
I already did, to Eric Mandel.
-Great Scott.
Martha, why do you let these
children come in here just
to bother me?
-Oh, George.
[laughs]
-Say, honey, do you remember
Charlie Dobbs and the mining
company in my office building?
-Yes.
-Well if I could get
Charlie to give me
a couple of samples of gold
ore or Dennis's collection,
he'd win.
-Why, that's right.
Oh, and Dennis would
be so thrilled.
And I bet he's never
even see gold ore.
-Well sure he had.
I showed him some
in a museum once.
-Oh, you did.
Well don't mention it
to Dennis until you've
sure you can get
it from Charlie.
There's no sense in
disappointing him.
-OK.
If I can get it, we'll
make it a big surprise.
-Wonderful.
-Oh, Martha, listen to this.
Residential lot for
sale-- a fabulous
by feet of beauty and charm.
For the fastidious person
wanting country living
in the city, this is a real buy.
Well, what do you think of it?
-Well, it sounds wonderful.
Now that's the kind of a lot
you should have invested in.
-Oh, Martha, this is my ad.
-You should be ashamed.
Beauty and charm
indeed-- why it's
nothing but dirt, rocks, weeds,
tin cans, and old automobile
tires.
I don't like it.
Lift your feet.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hello, Mr. Wilson!
-[sigh] Oh, Great Scott.
Another miserable
day has started.
-No, George, you be nice to him.
He's very fond of you.
-Well I'd rather have a
boa constrictor fond of me.
-OK if I come in?
-Of course, Dennis.
-I got some new rocks
to show you, Mr. Wilson.
-Oh.
I think I'll go
up and take a nap.
-George, i only
o'clock in the morning.
-Well, it feels like midnight.
-Here I am again, Mr. Wilson.
-Yes, in a haunted house.
-George.
-And the groans you
hear are coming from me.
-Have you got a tummy
ache, Mr. Wilson?
-I've got a pain, Dennis,
but it's not in my stomach.
All right, let's see the rocks.
Well, this is a pegmatite.
You've got that one.
And this is quartzite.
You've already got that one.
And this is granite.
You've got that one.
There's nothing new here.
-Jeepers, I've run
out of places to look.
And all us kids are getting
the same time of rock.
-Well, good.
Just forget about the rock
collecting and run along.
Uh-- oh, uh, wait a minute.
Uh, Dennis-- Dennis,
little friend.
Good old Mr. Wilson is going
to do something for you,
something wonderful.
-What are you going
to do, Mr. Wilson?
-Heh heh.
Well, I'm going to tell you
about a secret place I know
where there are
all kinds of rocks.
-Gee, you're the best
friend any kid ever had.
-Ho, ho.
That's true, Dennis.
-George Wilson, you can just
make your own lunch today.
-Where is this swell
place, Mr. Wilson?
-It's his empty lot.
-It's on the corner of
Orange Road and Walnut.
Now, do you think you
can find it all right?
-Oh, sure.
Me and dad have been by
you're lot plenty of times.
I'm going home right now
and ask for permission.
Thanks, Mr. Wilson.
Bye.
-Bye, Dennis. [laughs gleefully]
-Good morning, Henry.
-Good morning, Charlie.
I came in to ask you a favor.
-sh**t.
-Well, My little boy, Dennis,
has started a rock collection.
And I-- I just
wondered if you might
happen to have some
gold ores samples.
-(LAUGHING) Oh,
do I have samples.
Here, look.
Heh heh heh.
-My gosh.
I'd think you'd keep
that stuff in a vault.
-Ha.
No, it's worthless.
-Gold?
Worthless?
-Oh, there's gold in it,
of course, but not enough
to pay for transporting
or processing.
Ever since that strike
last year at Round Hill,
the country's been
swarming with prospectors.
And when an amateur
prospector gets
a hold of a sample like
this, he goes crazy.
-Well, what do you do?
-Well, we send him a
polite no thank note
and put the sample in this box.
When the box is
full, the janitor
empties it in the trash can.
-Well, I'd be glad to save
the janitor the trouble.
Dennis would get a big
kick out of these samples.
-Here, take it, please.
-Thank you, Charlie.
Wait till I tell him.
Heh heh.
Well, say, if you've
got another minute,
I know he's like to
thank you himself.
-Sure.
[phone rings]
-Hello.
Oh, Henry.
No, Dennis just left.
-Oh, darn.
I-- I wanted to tell him,
I've got a whole carton
of gold ore samples
for his collection.
-Oh, you just missed him
by about half a minute.
He went over to Mr. Wilson's
empty lot to collect rocks.
-Well, I'm come home for
lunch, and I'll-- I'll give him
the gold ore then.
Yeah, so a tuna fish
sandwich will be fine, dear.
Bye.
-Missed him.
-Yes, he's out collecting
rocks on a vacant lot.
Say, you what'd give
Dennis a real thrill?
If he could find
this ore himself.
-Like I told you,
people go crazy.
-I'm going to get out
to that lot ahead of him
and spread this ore around.
And if I don't
miss my guess, I'm
going to start a bad
case of gold fever
among half the
kids in this town.
[laughter]
[music playing]
-Don't tell me you want to
throw our money away on this?
-Well, at least it can't
be an expensive lot,
and we'd have enough money
left over to build a house.
-Look, if you'll only let
me invest our money my way--
-Joe, no.
-I've got a good hot tip
on some good oil stock.
-You and your hot
tips have kept us
in crummy apartments
for years.
-Well--
-Hi.
-Hi, Kid.
What you doing?
Cleaning up the lot?
-Heck no.
I'm collecting rocks.
-Oh.
-And look what I found-- gold.
-And look what I found-- gold.
-Yeah?
-That's very nice, little boy.
-Hey.
Is there much of
this around here?
-Sure, it's all over the place.
-Yeah?
-Bye.
-Bye.
Harriet, that was gold.
-Joe Schubert, you're
just being silly again.
-Yeah?
Come here.
Look.
-Come on.
Let's get to a phone.
[music playing]
-Why, fine, Mr. Schubert.
Yes, you and your
wife come right over.
I've at Elm Street.
Oh, that's fine.
I'll be expecting
you in a few minutes.
Heh heh.
Goodbye.
Martha.
[laughs] Hallelujah, eureka.
-George Wilson, what's
gotten into you?
-Martha-- so my ad
wouldn't do the job, hey?
Well for your information,
a Mr. and Mrs. Schubert
have seen the lot
already, love it,
and are coming right
over to close a deal.
-Now George, don't exaggerate.
Your ad didn't
mention any price.
No, no, no, Martha.
I swear that's what
they said, close a deal.
I think I'll ask for $,.
-Well you'll never get
it, never in the world.
[music playing]
-Well, Martha, where are they?
-I don't know, George.
Maybe they got lost.
-Well if they did,
it's your fault.
-My fault?
-Yes, you wouldn't let
me wait out on the curb.
[doorbell rings]
-There they are now, Martha.
You get the door.
Oh.
-Why are you turning
on the television set.
-Well, I'm-- I wan
to look casual.
-Oh, that's silly.
-Oh, I-- I guess you're right.
I'll pretend I'm asleep.
-George Wilson, you sit up.
[doorbell rings]
[telephone rings]
-Oh-- all right.
Well, you get the door
while I get the telephone.
[phone rings]
-Hello.
Yes.
Timken?
Oh, you've seen the lot.
Oh, why, yes, Mr. Timken.
I'd be happy to
discuss it with you.
I'm at Elm Street.
Fine.
I'll be expecting you.
-George, this is Mr.
and Mrs. Schubert.
-Well how do you do?
-How do you do, Mr. Wilson?
How do you do?
-I called about the lot.
We'd have been here sooner,
but I had a flat. [laughs]
-Oh, yes.
Heh heh.
I imagine you saw my ad.
-Oh, yes.
Your ad made us see
the lot as it looked
after a little work and a lot of
love have been poured into it.
[laughs]
-It was a beautiful ad.
-You see, Martha.
You're very kind.
-Won't you sit down.
-Oh, thank you.
-Ahem.
Ah, well-- ahem.
Well?
-Now Mr. Wilson, what is your
bottom price for the property?
-$,.
-George.
-That's an awful lot of money.
-Well, I have a number
of people interested.
And if you're not--
-That's all right,
Mr. Wilson, $,.
-Oh, George, isn't
that wonderful.
-Uh, now just minute, Martha.
Um, uh, I said that
was my bottom price.
But inasmuch as there are
other interests, you see--
-$,?
-Take it, George, take it.
-Martha, will you
control yourself?
My sense of fair
play won't let me
close a deal until that other
caller gets here and has
a chance to, heh heh,
bid up the price.
-Well, uh, if you'll close
the deal this very minute,
we'll bid, uh, $,.
-$,?
-We'll take it.
-We will not.
-Oh, George.
[doorbell rings]
-Tell me, Mr. Schubert, why are
you so anxious to buy my lot?
-Well, because it's,
uh-- um-- oh,
by feet of beauty and charm.
-It's country
living in the city.
-(SCOFFING) Why, that's silly.
That's what my ad said.
-But it's true.
-Great Scott.
-Mr. Timken, this is my husband.
-Oh.
-How do you?
-Heh heh.
-And Mr. and Mrs. Schubert.
-How do you do?
-How do you do?
-Well,this is a
pleasure, Mr. Timken.
-Uh, you're the gentleman
who phoned me about my lot.
-Now wait just a minute.
Mr. Timken, if you don't
mind, I am discussing business
with Mr. Wilson.
-If it concerns his lot, I want
to be in on the discussion,
too.
-Well, now, isn't this pleasant.
-I am prepared to offer $,.
-Mr. Timken, you aren't
in the discussion yet.
-Well I might go to $,.
-Mr. Schubert, if you have
your checkbook with you,
we can get right
down to business.
-Fine, Mr. Wilson.
-How much is he offering?
-$,.
-Well, I can't touch that.
-Hey, Mr. Wilson.
Come here.
Look what I found on your lot.
-Uh, not now, Dennis.
-No, not now.
Uh-- uh, go away, little boy.
Just a minute.
I'll sign the check.
-But it's gold.
-What?
Let me see.
-We've got a deal, Wilson.
Here.
Now don't try to
back out of it now.
-Why, great Scott.
Why, it is gold.
Dennis, you're a
good little friend.
Well, Mr. Schubert, under
the circumstances, $,
is a little inadequate,
don't you think?
[music playing]
-Hi honey.
-Oh, Henry-- Henry, the
darnedest thing happened.
Dennis won't need your
ore samples after all.
He just found some actual gold
ore on Mr. Wilson's vacant lot.
-(LAUGHING) Of course.
I put it there so he'd
have the fun of finding it.
-You did?
(LAUGHING) Oh, well, you
certainly fooled Dennis.
He is so thrilled.
He just went over to Mr.
Wilson's to show them to him.
-Uh-oh, that could mean trouble.
You know how Mr. Wilson's
imagination runs away with him.
I'd better get over there
before anything happens.
-And so Mr. Schubert, I
have no alternative but to,
uh, tear up your check.
I plan to form a mining
syndicate, however.
Shares, no doubt,
will be on the market.
Perhaps you can buy a
few with your $,
and thus have a
minimal ownership.
-Excuse, Mr. Wilson, could
I speak to you for a moment,
please?
-Oh, why of course, Mitchell.
Come right in.
-Well, uh, I-- I mean out here.
It's about your lot.
-Oh, but I have no
secrets from these people.
They know all about my lot.
-Well, good.
I just want to talk to you
about the gold Dennis found.
-Well now, don't you worry.
I'll see that Dennis
gets his share.
-Of course.
He gets %.
-Oh now, Martha.
-The point is, Mr. Wilson,
there isn't any gold.
I put those samples there
myself so that Dennis
would have the thrill of finding
them for his rock collection.
-Oh no.
-Gee, dad.
Thanks.
Wasn't that swell
of him, Mr. Wilson.
-Martha, bring me
the cellophane tape.
-It won't be legal, Wilson.
Come on, Harriet.
-Well, Mr. Timken, what
are you waiting for?
You heard what he said.
There's no gold on the property.
-I knew that, Mr. Wilson.
I'm a mining engineer.
But I'm still ready to buy
your property for $,.
-You-- I'll take it.
-You're doing the
right thing, dear.
At least you won't
lose any money.
-Except the $ you owe me.
-Dennis, not now.
-Huh?
What dollar?
-For winning your rock contest.
I'm so far ahead that all
the other kids have quit.
-Oh, for Pete's sake.
Here.
[sigh] Say, tell me
something, Mr. Timken.
You were attracted by
my ad, weren't you?
-Yes, I was, Mr. Wilson.
Whenever I see a
flowery ad like yours,
I suspect it's a
perfect place for me
to open another
sand and gravel pit.
-Great Scott.
Nothing's turned
out right today.
-Sure it has, Mr. Wilson.
I got your rock back
from Eric Mandel.
-Why Dennis, that
was very nice of you.
Why is it so sticky?
-I don't know, 'less
it's 'cause Eric
was eating a jelly sandwich.
[laughter]
[theme music]
NARRATOR: This has been a
Screen Gems film production
from the Hollywood studios
of Columbia Pictures.
02x07 - The Rock Collection
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.