02x35 - The Fortune Cookie

[bunniefuu]

-Oh, hello, dear.

-Hi, sweetheart.
-Hi, Dad.

-Hi, son.

How was your day?

-Oh, fine.

Nothing unusual.

-There were some men here when
I got home from school today.

They fixed the telephone.
-Really?

What was wrong with it?

-Nothing.

Only now you can call
anywhere in the United States

without going
through the operator.

-It works swell.

Like, if you want to call
Aunt Sally in New York,

you just dial a number, then
you dial your regular number,

and the phone goes
didly, didly, didly.

-We live in a wonderful world.

-Aunt Sally was sure
surprised to hear my voice.

[theme music]

-Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

-Oh, thank you, my dear.

Oh, I think I'll have
two just to celebrate.

-My goodness, Mr.
Wilson, I'd celebrate too

if someone offered me $ ,
for a coin collection.

-Well, I simply can't
quite get over it.

I merely put an ad in that
coin collector's magazine.

-And the next thing
George knew, he

had a call from this
Mr. Sheldon from upstate

saying he was coming
down tomorrow afternoon.

-Well, $ , certainly is
a lot of money, Mr. Wilson.

But aren't you
afraid you're going

to miss looking at
your collection?

-Well, if I get
lonely, Mitchell,

I always figure I can
stare at the $ , .

[door closing]

-Hi.

Is it time for the
fortune cookies yet?

-Of course it is, dear.

I almost forgot about them.

-Are your hands
clean, young man?

-One of them is.

I've been saving it.

-There's nothing like learning
to save at an early age.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Well, hello there, Dennis.

-Jeepers, aren't you all excited
about getting a fortune cookie?

-Dennis, it's a
wonder I've managed

to contain myself this long.

-Alice, you're first.

-All right.

You are thinking of buying
yourself something you desire.

Hesitate no longer.

Isn't that nice?

-Stabbed in the back
by a fortune cookie.

-Enjoy the woods but get
not lost in the forest.

Now how do you
suppose they knew I

was planning to
play golf tomorrow?

-Jeepers, Dad.

Maybe it means we're
going on a camping trip.

-Quick.

Somebody open another
fortune cookie.

-Your thriftiness makes
a loved one happy.

I think I liked Alice's better.

-I've got an idea.

Why don't you exchange?

-Oh, no you don't.

-Gee, Mr. Wilson.

It's your turn.

-Oh, my turn.
All right.

Beware of tomorrow.

-Uh oh.

-Oh, isn't that silly?

-I wouldn't take those
fortune cookies too seriously.

-Well, this one
doesn't count anyway.

It's stale.

-Dennis, you haven't opened
your fortune cookie yet.

-I've been saving mine for last.

The time has come for
you and your friends

to help a friend in trouble.

Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

That friend in
trouble must mean you.

-Dennis, the only
time I am in trouble

is when you try to help me.

-Well, it's time this
side of the Ouija board

was getting home.

-Oh, must you, Mitchell?

-Yes.

-Thank you for the
lovely tea, Mrs. Wilson.

-You welcome, dear.
-And the swell fortune cookies.

-It was very pleasant.
-Thank you.

-Bye bye.

-Good bye.

See you later.

-Don't you worry, Mr. Wilson.

I won't let anything bad
happen to you tomorrow.

-Well, thank you, Dennis.

Now I can rest easier tonight.

Beware of tomorrow.

Oh, fiddle faddle.

-Hey, Mr. Wilson.

-Hmm?

-Your afternoon paper just came.

-Oh, thank you, Dennis.

-Let's look and see if
it says anything more

about your having
trouble tomorrow.

-What are you talking about?

-He means your horoscope, dear.

-Dennis, I expect
tomorrow to be one

of the most delightful
days of my life.

-Then why you afraid to look?

-I am not afraid to look.

It's simply that I don't
believe-- oh, what's the use?

All right, all right,
I'll-- oh, yes.

Here we are.

Eh, Scorpio, Scorp-- yes.

Well, now how
ridiculous can you get?

-What does it say, dear?

-Be extremely careful
between the next sun

rise and the next sunset.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

You're really in for it.

-Oh, now, Dennis--

-But don't you worry.

Tomorrow's Saturday.

So I can be around all day.

-Oh, joy.

-What sort of trouble do
you suppose you're in for?

-I don't know, Dennis.

But as soon as the evil spirits
communicate the message to me,

I will let you know.

-I've got a better idea.

Let's go down to the
drugstore and get you weighed.

-Dennis, I know what I weigh.

-Yeah, but do you know
what's on the other side

of that little card?

-Now, Dennis, for
the last time, I

am not afraid of
what is supposedly

in store for me tomorrow.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson, you're
about the bravest friend

I've ever had.

-Be extremely careful
for-- hey, oh, Martha,

I think I'll go
for a little walk.

-Now dear, I hope
you're not going

to be concerned about those
silly little predictions.

-Martha, I have lived too
long to let a little boy's

w*r of nerves get me all upset
over a stale fortune cookie.

I'll see you later.

Oh, good grief.

-The best of luck tomorrow.

You'll need it to
get through the day.

-Gosh.

-Jeepers, Tommy.

Mr. Wilson's even in worse
danger than I thought.

-Tommy.
TOMMY (ON PHONE): Yeah?

-You all set to start
guarding Mr. Wilson's

house in the morning?

-Boy, am I.

-I'll meet you first
thing in the morning.

And we'll find some more
kids for guard duty, OK?

-OK.

-And, say, Tommy, be
sure to bring along

your atomic
disintegrater g*n too.

-What good would that do?

It's busted.

-Bring it anyway.

Maybe the news hasn't gotten
around yet that it's no good.

I'll see ya.

And please watch over mom and
dad and Tommy and Margaret

and especially
good old Mr. Wilson

because he's supposed to
have an awful tomorrow.

Over and out.

-Over and out?

-I heard a police man say it
on television when he hung up.

-Well, I doubt if he was
speaking on the same network.

Let's hear you sign off in
the good old fashioned way.

-OK.

Amen.

-That's better.

-Good night, mom.

-Good night, dear.

-Young man, what's that
bump under your covers?

-Bump?

What bump?

-This bump.

-Oh, that bump.

I thought I'd better keep
an eye on Mr. Wilson in case

they try to get to
him during the night.

[grunting]

[grunting]

-[sighs] What a miserable night.

I didn't fall asleep
until o'clock.

Then I had a
nightmare about Dennis

stuffing me full
of fortune cookies.

-Oh, you poor dear.

-You know, Martha, if I knew
how to get hold of Mr. Sheldon,

I'd tell him not to
come down here today.

-Oh, George, you're just tired.

Why, yesterday you were all
excited about selling your coin

collection.

-Oh, I still am.

It's just that I've about
decided this might not

be the best day to
complete the transaction.

-George Wilson, I'm
surprised at you

giving into these silly
predictions like this.

-Well, Martha, that's not true.

Didn't I get up
this morning even

though that magazine
on astrology

advised me to stay
in bed all day?

-George, forget about that
gibberish you've been reading.

You're going to have a
perfectly lovely day.

-Oh, you're right, my dear.

Of course I'm going to have
a perfectly lovely day.

-That's the spirit, George.

-Oh.

-George, are you all right?

-Confound chair.

You see, Martha?

You see?

It's starting already.

-Oh, George, anyone
would put a--

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hup two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Margaret, you're out of step.

-I am not.

Everybody else is.

-Oh.

Hup, two, three, four--

-It's only Dennis and his
friends playing soldier, dear.

-Oh.

Well, I wish they'd hurry
up and get shipped overseas.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hup, two, three, four.

Squad, halt.

Now remember, we're here to
protect good old Mr. Wilson.

You guard the front
door, Private.

-Aye, aye, sir.

-Seymour, aye,
aye, is Navy talk.

-That's OK.

I'm using a water g*n.

-Squad, attention.

Forward march.

To the rear, march.

-Girls.

Forward, march.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Hup, two, three, four.

Halt.

-Captain.

-What is it, Private?

-I'm thirsty.

-Well, sh**t yourself
with your water g*n.

-OK.

-You guard out here, Margaret.

-I don't like it out there.

There's nothing to
guard but the sidewalk.

-Listen, Margaret.

If you want to be in our army,
you've got to obey orders.

-All right, smarty.

I quit.

-You can't quit an army.

You either got to get shot or
get a dishonorable discharge.

-I think she ought to be shot.

-Well, it'll have
to be in the back.

Good bye.

-Gee, Dennis.

What are we going to do now?

-Well, stand guard, Tommy.

You go see if you can
get reinforcements.

-OK.

-Martha, I think I'll go
see if the mail has come.

-All right, dear.

[drums]

-Halt.

-Oh, good grief.

-Who goes there?

-Little boy, go home.

Oh, great Scott.

-You're not supposed
to sh**t him, Seymour.

That's good old Mr. Wilson.

-Dennis, I'm afraid you
and your small friend

will have to find somewhere
else to play today.

-Oh, we're not playing.

We're guarding you from harm.

-Well, thank you, Dennis.

But that will be quite
unnec-- what hit me?

-A shingle fell off the roof.

-Martha.

Oh, Martha.

-How's you're head, dear?

-Huh?

Oh, my head's all right.

-George, why don't
you spend some time

with your coin collection?

It'll be the last
day you'll have it.

-Martha, I'm afraid to
touch my coin collection.

I'm afraid to touch
anything today.

I have the most
awful premonition

that anything I start will
end in complete disaster.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh.

And to top it all off, Dennis
insists upon guarding me.

What is it, Dennis?

-A mysterious stranger left
this for you and ran off.

-Oh, is that so?

-Boy, he sure was mean looking.

-He was even meaner
looking than you.

[dog barking]

-What is that animal doing here?

-That's Tiny, our reinforcement.

-It's a friend we borrowed
to help guard you.

-Well, you make sure that your
friend stays off my flowers.

-You're not just going to
open that box, Mr. Wilson?

-And why not?

-Jeepers, have you
forgotten what day this is?

-

-Maybe there's a b*mb in it.

-I think I hear a clock ticking.

-I'll get a pan of water.

-Oh, Dennis.

Now you stopping being silly.

A b*mb?

Oh, fiddle faddle.
Bombs.

-We got lots of
bandages at our house.

-Dennis, for the
last time, I want

you to take your squad
of commandos and go home.

-But my fortune cookie
said me and my friends

were supposed to
look after you today.

-Well, if you don't
stop looking after me,

there won't be anything
left to look after.

-OK.

Well, we'll leave Tiny
here just in case.

-Uh, all right.

Bye.
[sighs]

-What's that, dear?

-Oh, that's just
a package, Martha.

-Well, aren't you
going to open it?

-Open it?

Oh, yes.

Of course I'll open
up it a little later.

-George Wilson what
has come over you?

-Oh, nothing, Martha.

It's just-- oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Don't.

-But why?

-Well, for one thing, how
do we know what's inside?

I-- it could even be a b*mb.

-A b*mb?

Oh, really.

-Well, all right, Martha.

If you insist, I'll open it.

Ah.
Ahh!

-Why it's my new hat.

How do you like it, dear?

-Oh, it's very nice, Martha.

-George, don't you feel
just a little foolish?

-Like the village idiot.

-Now then, why don't you go out
and take a nice, quiet walk.

And when you come back,
you'll be all relaxed

for your visit with Mr.
Sheldon this afternoon.

-All right, my dear.

I'll do just that.

[laughs]

How ridiculous can a
grown man get, huh?

-Have a good time, dear.

-I will, Martha.

And you can be
sure of one thing.

This is one Scorpio
who's not going

to have the rest
of his day ruined.

[dog barking]

MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
(YELLING) Oh.

Oh, Martha.

-Hello, again.

And thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.

It's a pleasure to
be back with you.

And now for a look
at today's prizes

before we again play our
Remember When music quiz.

All righty, are we ready?

Now listen carefully to today's
mystery tune of yesterday.

[music playing]

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.
-Dennis, please.

I'm listening.

-Remember, the number
I call may be yours.

-We brought you some home
made fudge, Mr. Wilson.

-Dennis, I thought I
asked-- oh, my goodness.

-We would have

but we got all sticky making it.

-Delicious.

But it is sort of
gooey isn't it?

-That's because we ran out
of sugar and used molasses.

-Well, whatever is in it-- hmm.

Now that song certainly
sound familiar.

I have it.

It's-- [garbled]

-What'd you say, Mr. Wilson?

-[garbled] with you.

-Gee, you sound
funny, Mr. Wilson.

-Say it again.

-Oh, dear.

-And now for the
day's call, which

is going to a Mr. George
Wilson at Elm Street.

-That's me.

He's calling me.

-Did you hear that Tommy?

-Oh, boy.

[phone ringing]

-(GARBLED) Hello.

-Is this, uh, Mr. George Wilson?

-(GARBLED) That's right.

-Jeepers, isn't this
exciting, Tommy?

-Mr. Wilson, I'm having a bit
of trouble understanding you.

-(GARBLED) I'm stuck.

-Try chewing faster, Mr. Wilson.

-Mr. Wilson, this
is Mad Cap Madden.

Can you tell me the name
of the song I just played?

-[garbled]

-Mr. Wilson, uh, you'll
have to speak clearer.

-Swallow, Mr. Wilson.

-(GARBLED) I can't.

-Get some water, Tommy.

-OK.

-Uh, Mr. Wilson, would you
please repeat that title?

-[garbled].

-Did you say something
about the flu?

Oh, are you ill, Mr. Wilson?

-(GARBLED) Talk to him.
-Wait a minute, Mister.

Mr. Wilson's stuck together.

-And who is this?

-I'm Dennis Mitchell.

-Well, I'm sorry, Dennis.

But Mr. Wilson's
time is about up.

-(GARBLED) I got it.

I got it.

Read this.

-Wait a minute, Mister.

What's that first
word, Mr. Wilson?

-(GARBLED) Sharing.

-I can't read.

-Here I come.

I had trouble finding a glass.

-He'll be unstuck
in a minute, Mister.

-Ah.

Ahem.

Hello?

[bells]

-I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson,
but your time is up.

-But I know the answer.

-Better luck next time.

The correct title was "Sharing
a Love Seat With You."

-I knew it.

I knew it.

-You sure are having a terrible
day, aren't you, Mr. Wilson?

-Would you like to have
another piece of candy?

-Little boy, go home.

[crying]

[door bell]
-Hello.

-Hello.

Mr. Wilson, I am Philip Sheldon.

-Oh, Mr. Sheldon, come in.

Come in.

-Thank you.

-Dennis.

Dennis, uh--

-It's all right, Seymour.

I think Mr. Wilson knows him.

-Well, right this
way, Mr. Sheldon.

The collection's
right over here.

Children, if you'll
excuse us, please.

-Come on, then.

We'll be right outside in
case you need us, Mr. Wilson.

-Your children?

-Oh, my goodness,
no, Mr. Sheldon.

Now I'm sure that after you've
examined the collection--

-Here you are.

-That's a check for $ , .

But you haven't even--

-Mr. Wilson, I consider
myself an excellent judge

of character.

I have no doubt
that this collection

is precisely as represented.

-Well, my goodness.

That was fast, wasn't it?

My, my, $ , .

-Psst.

Psst.
-Yes?

-That doesn't look like
money to me, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, this isn't money, Dennis.

It's a check for $ , .

Now, uh, I'll get the collection
together for you, Mr. Sheldon.

-I have an uncle who
writes toy checks.

-Toy checks.

-Dad says they bounce
like a rubber ball.

-What strange
misconceptions children get.

-Well, Tommy, when they
say a check bounces,

that means it isn't any good.

-Jeepers, it does?

Gee, Mr. Wilson, aren't you
even going to drop that check?

-Drop it?

-To see if it bounces?

-I assure you, young man, that
that check is perfectly good.

-Of course it is.

-Then how do you know if you
haven't tried to bounce it?

-Now, Dennis--
actually the proper way

to make sure a check is good
is to call a bank and find out.

And I'm sure that
Mr. Sheldon wouldn't

mind if I do just that.

-Well.

-But Mr. Sheldon, I--

-If that's the way
you feel, good bye.

[door slams]

-But--but Mister-- now look
what you boys made me do.

[dog barking]

-My collection.

Why that scoundrel took
my coin collection.

Oh.

[dog barking]

-You see, Mr. Wilson, my
fortune cookie said me

and my friends would keep
you out of trouble today.

-And so because of
Dennis and his friends,

the crook didn't get George's
coin collection after all.

-Oh, my goodness.

-Maybe there's something
to these fortune cookies

after all.

-Well, maybe so, Mitchell.

But I still decided
I'm much happier

not knowing what's in
store for me tomorrow.

-Oh, I'm in favor
of them myself.

The one I opened
yesterday got me

a new dress and shoes to match.

-Hi.

Is it time for the
fortune cookies yet?

-I suppose so, dear.

-Say, Mom, is it all right
if I invite a little friend

in to have a fortune cookie too?

-Well, of course
you could, dear.

But I'm afraid there
aren't any left.

-Oh.

Well, Alice, do me a favor and
let Dennis' friend have mine.

-Jeepers.
Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

It's all right.

You can come on in and have
a fortune cookie too, Tiny.

Here, Tiny.

Hey, not the whole cookie.

This is your fortune.

Well, what do you know?

-Well, what does it say?

-Beware.

You are about to
lead a dog's life.

Jeepers, Mr. Wilson.

This fortune cookie
must be meant for you.

[theme music]