03x03 - Keep Off the Grass

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, Mom.

-Hello, dear.

-Mom?

-Hmm?

-Is it OK if I have this

little piece of beefsteak?

-Well, what do you want it for?

-Well, me and Tommy have been

teaching Mr. Wilson's dog

to bring back a stick

when we throw it for him.

-Little Fremont?

-Yeah.

He learned real fast, too.

-I see, and you want to

give them a piece of meat

as a reward.

All right, Dennis,

you may have it.

-Thanks, Mom.

But it's not for Fremont,

it's for good ol' Mr. Wilson.

-Mr. Wilson?

-He was lying in the hammock

when I threw the stick.

Boy, you never saw

such a black eye!

[theme music]

-Yeah, missed me again.

-You'll be it the

rest of the day.

-Oh, no I--

-Hey, boys, hold it.

Sorry, but you can't play here.

-Why not?

We been playing here

for a long time.

-Yeah, for years.

-Ever since we were little kids.

-Well, I'm sorry,

but you'll just

have to find another place.

There's a new

regulation that says

you have to stay off

the grass in the park.

-Gee, nobody told us.

-There's no sign or anything.

-Don't blame me, I

just follow orders.

Nobody's allowed on the

grass because, well, there's

a campaign on to keep

the park beautiful.

-Sure won't look beautiful

to us if we can't play in it.

-Those are the rules.

Come on, fellas, move along.

-And this policeman

chased you off the grass?

-That's right, Mom.

-That's funny, I've never

seen a "keep off the grass"

sign in the park.

-There wasn't any sign, Dad.

-Are you sure

about that, Dennis?

-Oh sure, we'd have

seen that right away.

-Well, it's too bad

you got chased, son,

but we all have to obey the law.

-I think I'll go over and

see good ol' Mr. Wilson now.

-Supposing he'd chases you home?

-That's different.

I don't mind being

chased away by a friend.

-Henry, I don't think

we should stand for it.

-Stand for what?

-That silly policeman chasing

the boys out of the park.

It's the most high-handed

thing I ever heard of.

-Honey, he was

just doing his job.

-Well, I'd say he

was overdoing it.

I think you ought to go

right over to that park

and tell that policeman he

can't treat our son that way.

-Well now, hold on, honey.

I don't want to get on

the wrong side of the law.

-Then you won't go?

-Well, I'd rather not.

-All right then, I'll go.

If my husband is too meek and

mild to defend his own family,

then I guess it's up to me!

-B-but-- wait a

minute, wait a minute!

Simmer down.

I'll, I'll go have a

word with the policeman.

-I want more than

a word with him.

I want you to

really tell him off.

-All right, I'll tell them off.

And on my way home, I'll

stop a hardware store

and see if I can buy a g*n.

-A g*n?

-Yeah.

When a fellow lives in the

same house with a tigress,

he can't be too careful.

-Oh, go on.

-Officer!

Oh, officer, can I see

you for a minute, please?

-Oh, something I can for you?

-Yes, I'm, uh, Henry Mitchell.

I live in one of those

houses across from the park.

-Glad to meet you.

I'm Officer Grant.

-Oh, glad to know you.

You're new on this

b*at, aren't you?

-Well, I'm new on any b*at.

Just got my badge a

couple of days ago.

-Naturally, you're

eager to make good.

-Well, I do my best.

-Well, that's the spirit.

However, my son

tells me that you

chased him and

some of his friends

out of the park a while ago.

Now, don't you think that's

being a little too eager?

-Well, I had to do it, sir.

The department's putting

in new grass seed here.

-Well, the boys had no

way of knowing that.

After all, they've been playing

in this park all their lives

and all of a sudden they're

chased out with no warning

at all.

-Well, I started to

explain to them that--

-I could understand if there was

a sign here or something like

this, but, uh---

there is a sign.

-Yes, there is.

-My boy said there was no sign.

He's usually truthful.

-Well, he wasn't lying, sir.

The fact is that I put the

sign up after they had gone.

What did you say your

full name was, sir?

-Henry Mitchell.

Am I getting a ticket?

-Afraid so.

The law spells it out for you.

-What?

-Now, you can mail in

the $ if you want.

-$ ?

-Right.

Now, you can mail in the $

or, if you want to argue,

you can appear in Judge

Strickland's court tomorrow.

-I--

-You sure are smart to plant

those big bulbs instead

of flower seeds, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, I am?

Why?

-Because birds eat your

seeds all the time,

but they could never

swallow those big bulbs.

-You have the makings

of a great naturalist.

[frog croaking]

-What have you got there?

-That's my frog, Sam.

[frog croak]

-You keep him in your pocket?

-Sure, he likes it there.

Sometimes, he stays

there all day.

-Get him out of here.

I don't want him

eating up my bulbs.

-Frogs don't eat

bulbs, Mr. Wilson.

Frogs eat flies.

-Uh-huh.

Well, you fly him out of here.

-Sam hasn't had lunch.

I gotta find him some.

-Oh, hi, Mitchell.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Where ya been, Dad?

-Oh, I've been over at the park.

I should've stayed home.

Let me warn you about that new

park policeman, Mr. Wilson.

He just give me a ticket for

walking across the grass.

Gonna cost me $ .

-The grass in the park?

But we've always walked

across it before.

Why everybody cuts

through there to--

-Not anymore we don't.

There's a new

ordinance against it.

-The policeman chased

me off too, Dad.

-Yes, and Alice

and I didn't think

it was fair-- especially Alice.

So I went to reason

with him and, well,

he caught me standing

practically on top of the sign,

"Keep off the Grass."

-But there wasn't

any sign there, Dad.

-Well, he put up after you left.

That'll teach me to

mind my own business.

-Now just a minute, Mitchell.

How long has that sign been up?

-Oh, about minutes.

-Why, this is an outrage!

When there's a new

ordinance like this,

we should be warned about it.

Why, this thing wasn't even

mentioned in the newspaper.

--Well, it doesn't

seem quite fair.

I guess the policeman

has a job to do.

-Now Mitchell, don't

you brush this aside.

If you're not willing to

fight for your own sake,

at least do it for Dennis.

-What's Dennis

got to do with it?

-Well, he's reached

the age where

he should be set a good example.

He's not a baby any longer.

He's growing up,

aren't you, Dennis?

-That's right, Mr. Wilson.

When I lose a tooth

now, I don't put it

under my pillow for

the good fairy to take.

I go right to Dad

and get my dime.

-But I am setting

him a good example.

I, I, I broke a law

and I'm paying for it.

-This time, the law was

administered unfairly,

and when that happens,

it, it's our--

it's our duty to fight back.

Yes, that's the American way.

Why, that's what we fought for

in the Army at Valley Forge.

-Dad was in the

Navy, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh?

Now hear this-- you have

a golden opportunity

to teach Dennis that he should

never take injustice lying

down, and I won't allow

you to throw it away.

Well, what are you

waiting for, Mitchell?

You know very well

you were made a victim

of tyrannized legality.

-It was kind of unfair.

He could have given

me a warning first.

-Ah ha!

Now you're talking.

Let's go.

Oh, officer.

We'd like a word with you.

-Mr. Wilson, do you think

we're doing the right thing?

-Of course I am.

Justice will prevail.

-Oh, hello, Mr. Mitchell.

Hi, sonny.

What's up?

-Mr. Wilson says I'm old

enough to be a citizen.

-Huh?

-Uh, never mind the boy.

You just pay attention to me.

Now first, I'd like

to point out that we

are standing on the sidewalk.

-Well, yes, I can see that.

-So don't try to claim

there's grass under our feet.

-Mr. Mitchell, what is this?

-This is Mr. George Wilson.

He has something to say to you.

-Oh no, you're the one

who has something to say.

I'm merely a bystander.

Now go ahead, tell him.

-Well, officer, it's about

this ticket you gave me.

-By which means this

totally unwarranted ticket

which you had the colossal

nerve to force upon him.

-Is that what you mean, sir?

-Well--

-It certainly is.

He thinks you're

completely out of line

and he resents it as any

red-blooded citizen would.

Keep talking, Mitchell.

-Are you saying I

didn't treat you fair?

-Well, officer, it

just seemed to me

that, that you

could have given me

a warning instead of a ticket.

After all, that sign's only

been there a few minutes.

-Well, if it was up

to me, I would have.

But the law is the law.

I don't make it,

I only enforce it.

-Well, he's not

accepting your ticket.

He's giving it

right back to you.

Aren't you, Mitchell?

-Gosh, I--

-Oh, here-- I'll give it back.

Let me.

-Jeepers, Dad.

You're not supposed

to tear up a ticket.

I'll pick it up.

-Never mind, Dennis.

Just leave it there.

All right, officer, what are

you going to do about that?

-Well first, I'm going

to give Mr. Mitchell

another ticket for

walking on the grass.

Then I'm going to give

him a second ticket

for destroying the first one.

That's interfering

with an officer

in the performance of

his duty, you know.

-Look Dad, he's writing

you another one.

He sure can write awful fast.

-Throwing waste

paper on the sidewalk

is against the anti-litter

law, Mr. Mitchell.

Does that answer

your question, sir?

-Oh all right, you've

won this round.

But you'll be hearing

from us again.

Come along, Mitchell.

-I appreciate what you're

trying to do, Mr. Wilson,

but I think you've done enough.

I'd just like to

pay these things

and drop the whole thing.

-Oh no, sir.

Not on your life.

Oh-ho, you got me into this.

I'm in to stay.

-I got you into it?

-Now, don't apologize, Mitchell.

I'm glad you did.

I always welcome

a chance to strike

a blow for better government.

-Good ol' Mr. Wilson.

Nothing scares him.

-Now, let us consider

our strategy.

-Boy, this is exciting.

What's "strategy," Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, our plans, Dennis.

The enemy has withstood

our frontal att*ck

so we must strike him

on an undefended flank.

-You have to use those

w*r terms, George?

I feel I should put up

some blackout curtain.

-Martha, this is a

serious business.

Remember, we're

doing this primarily

to teach Dennis a

lesson in civil rights.

-I agree with you, Mr. Wilson.

Have you figured out a

way to handle it yet?

-Yes, Alice, I have

come to a decision.

Tomorrow in court,

I shall appear

as your husband's legal advisor.

-What?

-I'm not sure that's

a good idea, George.

After all, you're not a lawyer.

-Well, who needs a lawyer?

I can plead a case.

Heh heh, I'm quite

an eloquent speaker.

I've done a lot of speaking.

-I know, dear.

-Mr. Wilson, I

appreciate what you're

trying to do but I don't

want to go to court.

-Aw, come on, Dad.

Let's go to court.

I've never seen a court.

-Mitchell, it's the

only thing to do.

-Mr. Wilson, I could go to

jail on a thing like this.

-Boy, I've never

seen a jail either.

-Good, then it's settled.

Now, first thing tomorrow,

I'll go to the library

and search the law

books for material

to support our position.

-Do we have a position?

-Why, we most certainly do.

A strong moral position.

And I shall make that

quite clear to the judge.

"Your Honor," I will say, "for

years we had a right to walk

anywhere we chose in that park.

Then, with no previous

warning whatsoever,

that cherished

right was rescinded.

Oh, we shall keep off the grass

in the future, but in this case

we feel that justice should

be tempered with mercy.

I rest my case."

-Here, here!

-I heard you, too.

Did you hear him, Dad?

-Loud and clear.

And you had a couple of good

points there, Mr. Wilson.

Maybe we do have a case.

-Why, we most certainly do.

And when we appear

in court tomorrow,

I'll be ready for battle.

-(WHISPERING) Don't worry,

Miss Maud, I'll remember.

Oh, there he is.

Guess who this is, Mr. Wilson.

-(WHISPERING) Dennis,

for Heaven's sakes.

-(WHISPERING) Whatcha

doing, Mr. Wilson?

Reading a book?

-(WHISPERING) Well, what

does it look like I'm doing,

for goodness sakes?

Flying a kite?

-(WHISPERING) No, it looks

like you're reading a book.

You are reading a

book, aren't you?

-(WHISPERING) Yes,

I am reading a book.

Now, will you stop!

-Shh.

-(WHISPERING) For

Heaven's sakes.

-(WHISPERING) Mr. Wilson, the

library lady's waving at you.

She wants you to be quiet.

-(WHISPERING) I know, I know.

Now Dennis, I am trying to

find something in here that

will help me win your dad's

case for him this afternoon.

You do want him

to win, don't you?

-(WHISPERING) I

sure do, Mr. Wilson.

-(WHISPERING) Good, then

you go on home and--

-(WHISPERING) So,

I'll help you look.

What are we looking for?

-(WHISPERING) There is

nothing you can help me with.

I'm looking for a similar

case of some kind.

Yes, a precedent.

I have to find a precedent

to tell the judge about.

-(WHISPERING) I know a

president-- Abraham Lincoln.

He was a swell president.

You can tell the

judge about him.

-(WHISPERING) No,

no, no, Dennis.

That's not the kind

of precedent I need.

-It was a swell one.

Everybody said Lincoln

was the greatest--

-Oh, I don't care if he was.

I, I, I-- I'm not interested

in Abraham Lincoln!

That's not what

I'm trying to find!

-And what's wrong with

Abraham Lincoln, mac?

He was the greatest--

-Oh, you keep out of it.

None of your business.

-Here comes the librarian.

She's waving at you.

-Shh!

-Oh, shush yourself!

I'm trying to read

something here.

How anybody can concentrate--

-(WHISPERING) I must ask

you to leave immediately.

-What?

-(WHISPERING) This

is a public library,

not a, a hog calling contest.

-Oh--

-(WHISPERING) Please

go immediately.

- --all right, I will go.

I can't hear myself think

in this place anyhow.

-Shh!

-Check these out to me, please.

-(WHISPERING) You're a

nice, quiet boy, Dennis.

You know how to behave in a

public library, don't you?

-(WHISPERING) Yes, ma'am.

I always just whisper.

Don't I, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh.

-(WHISPERING) You're allowed

to work here anytime, Dennis.

-(WHISPERING) Mom says to always

be quiet in the public library,

so I-- hey, Mr.

Wilson, wait for me!

-Dennis!

-Oh Martha, I've

finished my speech.

Ah, how does this sound?

"Your Honor," I will say,

"we come before this bar

today in the sacred

name of justice."

-Oh, that's a good start, dear.

-Well, it gets better

as it goes along.

"Your Honor, we do not believe

that the law was intended

as a trap for the unwary,

but rather, Your Honor,

that the law was meant

to be administered fairly

and justly."

[applause]

-Boy, that sure was a

swell speech, Mr. Wilson.

But what does it mean?

-It means I'm going to try to

talk the judge into dismissing

the charges against

your dad, Dennis.

Ahem.

"The most precious thing

we have, Your Honor,

is our freedom.

I'm sure we all feel exactly

as Patrick Henry felt--"

-Patrick Henry?

Gee, our teacher was

talking about him.

And--

-Ahem.

-Oh, excuse me, Mr. Wilson.

You go ahead.

-Thank you.

"I'm sure we all feel

exactly as Patrick Henry

felt when he said--"

[sneeze]

Gesundheit

-Is that what he said?

What kind of English is that?

German?

-Oh, no, Dennis.

Patrick Henry didn't

say "gesundheit."

Mrs. Wilson sneezed and

I-- oh, for goodness sakes!

-Now, now, don't

get upset, dear.

You'll have to keep

calm in court, you know.

-Oh, yes, I suppose

you're right, Martha.

Where was I?

Oh yes-- "I'm sure we all

feel as Patrick Henry felt,

when he said--

[doorbell]

-Oh, great Scott!

-Oh, is that what he said?

Boy, wait till I

tell our teacher.

She thinks he said

something about giving him

liberty or giving-- oh, hi, Dad.

-Son, Mom wants you

to come home and wash

up and get your jacket on.

It's almost time to leave.

-OK.

-I'd better change my dress.

Excuse me.

-Boy, this sure is gonna

be exciting, huh, Dad?

-Well, yes sir, this

is our day in court.

How do you feel, defendant?

-Well, I ate a hearty breakfast,

if that answers your question.

-And wait till

you hear the swell

speech Mr. Wilson made up, Dad.

It's terrific.

Hey, Mr. Wilson, can I bring

my friends to hear you?

Can I bring Tommy

and Chuck and Sam?

-Uh, no, Dennis.

I don't think the boys

had better come, no.

-OK.

When we get ready

to go, Mr. Wilson,

I'll carry your

briefcase for ya.

-All right, Dennis, fine.

Well, Mitchell, before this

day is over, that boy of yours

will have learned

a valuable lesson.

-Yes, he will.

If we win, he'll learn

that a man should always

fight for his rights.

If we lose, he'll

learn that it's

safer to keep his

big mouth shut.

-Eh, George Wilson, Your Honor.

Uh, I wish to represent

the defendant.

-Very well.

Are you an attorney, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, well, uh, no.

No, your honor.

I-- well, that is,

uh-- well, I, I'm

here as a friend of the court.

-Good.

The court can use a few friends.

Proceed.

-Thank you, Your Honor.

Ahem.

We come before this bar today

in the sacred name of justice.

We do not believe that

the law was intended

as a trap for the

unwary, but rather

that the law was meant to be--

-Just a minute,

Mr. Wilson, please.

We, uh, run this court

in a very informal way.

There's no need for

any long speeches.

-Well, uh, yes, Your Honor.

But you see, I, uh--

oh, just as you wish.

-Don't you want to hear Mr.

Wilson's speech, Your Honor?

He's been working on it all

day and it's a dandy speech.

-Who, who is this young citizen?

-Oh, uh, this is Dennis

Mitchell, Your Honor.

Uh, he's our witness, but--

-Oh, well, take

the stand, Dennis.

Climb right up here.

Now Dennis, you understand

that a witness in court

must always tell the truth?

-Oh, I know all about

court, Your Honor.

I watch Perry

Mason all the time.

-Oh, you do.

-Yes sir.

So, I swear to tell the

truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth.

State your name.

-Andrew Strickland,

municipal-- well,

let's get on with

the case, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh.

Uh, yes, Your Honor.

Now, we feel that

the defendant should

have been given a warning

in this case, Your Honor,

instead of a citation.

-Oh?

-I have a copy here

of the city code

and some notes I made

on similar cases.

[frog croak]

-A little indigestion,

Mr. Wilson?

-Oh no, Your Honor.

That wasn't I.

[frog croak]

-What is going on here?

-Great Scott!

Dennis!

-It's Sam, judge.

I forgot all about him.

-Well, get him out of here.

What's he doing here anyhow?

-I asked you, Mr. Wilson.

I asked you if I could bring

Tommy and Chuck and Sam,

but you said the

boys couldn't come.

But Sam's a girl, so I--

-I'm sorry, Your Honor.

Dennis!

-Here, I'll put him in

Mr. Wilson's briefcase.

-Oh no you don't, Dennis!

-Get out of that thing.

-Bailiff, take care of

the, uh, lady, will you?

[frog croak]

-Careful, Sam doesn't

like to be held too tight.

-Dennis, come along now.

-Oh!

-Here, hold that down, lady,

so he don't get away, will you?

[gavel pounding]

-Now let's get on with the case.

-Yes, Your Honor.

Uh, now, Dennis,

I want you to tell

the judge just what

happened yesterday morning.

Now, you were playing

the park, is that right?

-We were playing tag on the

grass where we always play

and this Mr. Officer said, "You

kids can't play here anymore."

And he chased us off,

so we all went home.

-Didn't you know you weren't

supposed to play there anymore?

Weren't there any

signs on the lawn?

-No sir.

-Oh, there were no

signs of any kind

on the grass at that

time, Your Honor.

Therefore, we feel

the negligence

on the part of

the city officials

should nullify the case against

my client and gain for us--

-Let the boy talk,

Mr., uh, Mason.

-The name is Wilson, Your Honor.

-Oh, my mistake.

Were there no signs posted, son?

-No sir, The officer

put the sign up later

and he didn't tell

Dad it was there.

-Your Honor, I intend to show

mitigating circumstances here.

Oh true, Mr. Mitchell did

walk on the grass, but, well,

we've done that for years and--

[frog croaking]

-I'll take care

of it, Your Honor.

[frog croaking]

-I gather you don't

think your dad ought

to have to pay a fine, eh?

-No sir, because it

wasn't his fault.

But I guess you do need

the money awful bad though,

don't you, judge?

-What?

-I've got $ in my piggy

bank, and you can have that.

-What makes you think I

need the money, Dennis?

-Well, Mr. Wilson said

you were the poorest

judge this town ever had.

So if you're poor--

-Oh, is that so?

-Oh, well, that isn't

what I meant, Your Honor.

I-- oh, good Heavens.

Oh, great Scott.

[frog croaking]

BAILIFF (OFFSCREEN):

Hey, hey, come back here.

Here, froggy.

-I'll get him!

Here, Sam!

Here, Sam!

-Here, Froggy!

Come back here!

Frog!

-I got him, I got him!

[frog croak]

-And I'd like to say

further that we apologize

most humbly for the

confusion, Your Honor.

-Oh, never mind about that.

Now, there was a violation

here, Mr. Mitchell.

We're agreed on that?

Yes, Your Honor.

-I realize that you

people have been

accustomed to crossing the

park area here for years.

-Oh, yes, yes, indeed.

We won't do it anymore,

but we always have.

-Furthermore, your claim that

you were given no prior warning

seems quite valid.

I see from the arresting

officer's report

that the sign was posted

just a few minutes

before your violation.

-Yes, sir.

-I think that even a poor judge

would concede the point here.

Don't let it happen again.

Case dismissed.

-Congratulations, Mitchell.

-This sure was fun, judge.

I hope Dad gets to

come back here a lot.

[theme music]