03x14 - Through Thick and Thin

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dennis the Menace". Aired: October 4, 1959 – July 7, 1963.*
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
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03x14 - Through Thick and Thin

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-Hi, Mr. Wilson!

-Oh, hello, Dennis.

-Can I see your collection

of old dollar bills?

-Dollar bills?

-Oh, you must mean my

old coin collection.

I don't collect old bills.

-Mrs. Elkins said you did.

-She said that?

-I heard her.

She says you've still

got the first dollar

bill you ever made.

[theme music]

-What do you know, Alice?

Charlie's loaning us these

spotlights for nothing.

-What magic word did you use?

-Oh, I just told him we were

having a Cub Scout circus here

tomorrow night.

Gee, honey, you're pretty.

Are you sure you'd rather be a

den mother than a movie queen?

-Well, being a den mother may be

less glamorous, but I like it.

-Well, it just so

happens I think

den mothers are

pretty glamorous.

-Boy, what a world.

Might as well stop

making my costume, Mom.

-Aren't you gonna be the lion

tamer at the circus tomorrow

night?

-Not the way things are going.

Joel Snyder's mother won't let

him be the rear end of a lion.

-Well, uh, couldn't just one

boy wear the lion costume?

-Jeepers, dad.

I'd look pretty

silly as a lion tamer

if the lion wasn't

any bigger than me.

-I'm sure you'll

find another boy

at school tomorrow

who will do it.

-I sure hope so.

-Well, now, here.

Let's try on your tailcoat.

-Oh, boy, Mom, this is swell.

Maybe we can have a cub

scout circus after all.

Now, I've just gotta find

the other half of my lion.

-George, you've got to stop

upsetting yourselves this way.

-Well, Martha, why

shouldn't I be upset?

Krinkie's going to blast

me in that paper of his,

and you know it.

-He's interviewing you for

his Important People column.

What makes you think

he's going to blast you?

-Well, for one thing, we have

never gotten along very well,

and I did make him look

pretty silly last spring.

-Maybe he's forgotten

all that fuss

about his statue of the

town's first settler.

-Martha, people are

still laughing at Krinkie

for putting up that statue of

Simon Peterson, first settler,

and I proved he was third.

And when they made

Krinkie tear it down,

he's just never forgiven me.

He'd love to make me look

ridiculous in his paper.

[doorbell]

-Uh-oh.

There he is now.

-I'll get it, dear.

-Come in, Mr. Krinkie.

-Thank you, Mrs. Wilson.

-Well, good evening, Krinkie.

-Good evening.

-I just wanted to

get a line on some

of the important things

you've done, George.

-Fine.

Come in, sit down.

-No, you sit down.

You know, George, my

readers have recommended you

for my Important People column.

-Oh.

Well, I do everything

I can to help, Krinkie.

-Ever been in the penitentiary?

-The penitentiary?

What kind of article are you

writing about me, anyway?

-Have to get the facts, George.

Painful as they may

be to both of us.

Now, when you came to

live in our fair city,

did you have to leave

the town you came from?

-What?

-I mean, did they

let you go quietly,

or were they nasty about it?

-Now look here, Krinkie,

they were very pleasant

about my leaving

town, thank you.

-I'm sure we'll be able to

find a few more little juicy

mistakes in your life, George.

Anybody who has

lived as long as you

have is bound to have

two or three skeletons

rattling around in the closet.

-But there are no skeletons

in your closet, dear.

-Now, how can we be sure?

I must have done

something I'm ashamed of.

[doorbell]

-Oh, now what?

I'll get it, dear.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson!

-My, you're dressed up, Dennis.

-I came over to show

you and Mr. Wilson

my coat for the

Cub Scout circus.

-Well, it's a

beautiful red coat.

What are you?

-A lion tamer.

Do you suppose Mr. Wilson

has a whip I could borrow?

-A whip?

Good heavens, Dennis.

Whips went out with

the horse and bugge.

-Your father's old riding

crop's around somewhere.

Maybe that would do for Dennis.

-A riding crop would

be swell, Mrs. Wilson.

I could make a whip out of it.

-Oh, Martha, a man is

out to ruin my life,

and you're worried

about riding crops.

-I'll get you some of

your nerve medicine,

dear, and then you and Dennis

can look for the riding crop.

-Thanks, Mrs. Wilson.

Next to my lion problem, my

whip problem is my biggest one.

-Boy, I can make

a whip out of it.

Thanks, Mr. Wilson.

-You run along now, Dennis.

I have a lot of very important

things to worry about.

-Hey, Mr. Wilson.

A picture.

-What?

-Gee, that's a funny

looking picture.

-Good heavens, I

thought that thing

had been thrown out years ago.

-What is it, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, that's me, Dennis, once

when I was a flagpole sitter.

-A what?

-Flagpole sitter.

That's me up on top.

-Boy, that's a

funny thing to do.

-It was a county contest,

and I was the champion.

days.

- days?

Sitting on top of a flagpole?

-That's right.

-Boy, what crazy things

you did in the olden days.

-Olden days?

It took great skill, Dennis.

Still, I suppose it would

seem ridiculous today.

The sort of thing some people

might consider a skel--

-Boy, wait 'til I

tell Tommy about this!

-Tommy?

No Dennis, you're not

going to tell anybody

about that picture.

It should never have--

oh, Dennis, little friend.

Let's you and I have

a nice little chat.

There.

Now, we are good

friends, aren't we?

-Sure.

-And you know what good friends

do for each other, don't you?

-Sure.

They trade lollipops.

-Yeah, yes.

But they also keep

each others' skeletons.

I mean, each others' secrets.

-Do you mean your flagpole

sitting is a secret?

-Oh, Dennis, it's one

of my darkest-- I mean,

one of my deepest secrets.

-Can't I just tell Tommy?

-Dennis, I don't want

anybody-- it'll be our secret.

Good friends go through thick

and thin for each other.

-Well gee, Mr. Wilson,

if it's that important.

-Oh, it is.

And when you have an

important problem,

a really important

problem, who do you think

will help you with it?

-You?

-Your friend, good

old Mr. Wilson.

-Really?

You'd help me with

my lion problem?

-Well, Dennis, I said

that good friends

go through thick and

thin for each other.

Of course-- Dennis, just

what is your lion problem?

-I need a big lion to tame

in the Cub Scout circus,

and you'd be just great.

You're bigger than two

little boys any day.

I'd better go tell Mom

to make that costume big.

Really big.

-Dennis!

Wait a minute!

Dennis.

I can't wear a, a lion costume.

I'm grow up, and

grownups just can't

do that kind of thing,

especially when they're

having articles in

the paper about them.

-Nobody has to know who you

are, once you're in the costume.

-I know, Dennis, but don't you

have a more important problem?

-Gosh no, Mr. Wilson.

This may be my last

chance to be a lion tamer.

-But--

-And who the lion is could

be another secret we have.

It's fun being good friends,

isn't it, Mr. Wilson?

-Did Mr. Wilson

have a whip, dear?

-No.

But he had a riding crop.

I'm gonna make a whip out of it.

Look, Dad!

-Say, how about that.

I might have a little

piece of leather

to put on the end of it.

-Thanks, Dad!

You know, I've

been thinking, Mom.

Instead of having two

little boys for my lion,

why don't I just

have one big boy?

-Well, do you know

someone who might do it?

-I think so.

I'd have to know his size.

Where would he come

up to on your father?

-Oh, he'd come up

almost to Dad's head.

And he's wider, too.

-Will his mother let him do it?

-Well, I'm sure she'll let him.

You'll make that costume

big, won't you, Mom?

-Oh, I will.

Real big.

Now, why don't you run

on up to bed, dear?

-OK.

Night, Mom.

-Night, Dennis.

-Night, Dad.

-Night, son.

-That little boy sounds

rather big for his age.

-I have a feeling that boy

is old for his age, too.

-Are you thinking what

I'm thinking, Henry?

-Mr. Wilson's the

only boy around here

who fits that description.

-And he's the only one

Dennis went to see tonight.

But why would Mr. Wilson do it?

-Why, it's obvious, honey.

Our son was growing up to

be one of the great salesmen

of all time.

-We're gonna be the best

thing in the circus tonight.

Get down on all fours

and I'll show ya.

-If Krinkie could

only see me how.

-See how much like

the lion you are?

-Dennis, you know,

maybe, maybe it

might be even

better for you if I

rented you a small, real lion.

Tame, of course.

-That would be against

Cub Scout rules.

Everything in the circus

has gotta be homemade.

-I see.

-Now, Mr. Wilson, roar.

-Roar?

Dennis, I said I'd be your lion,

but I did not agree to roar.

-Well, if you don't

roar, how else will

the audience know

you're ferocious?

-Well, just put it on the

program in large letters.

Ferocious lion.

-There isn't gonna be a program.

And what kind of a

lion doesn't roar?

-Well, a nice,

polite, aging lion.

-But the lion I tame

has gotta be wild.

You know, the kind that roars.

-Oh, all right, Dennis,

I'll roar for you.

But I'm not saying

how good it will be.

After all, lions have had more

practice at it than I've had.

Roar!

-That's swell, Mr. Wilson.

Now do it louder.

-Louder?

Oh, dear.

Rawr!

-That's great, Mr. Wilson!

And now you jump

up here and roar!

-I jump up there, too?

-Sure.

When a lion's in your power,

you can make him do anything.

-I'm certainly in your power,

but whether I can make it up

there or not's another thing.

-Sure you can, Mr. Wilson.

Just try it and you'll see.

Now jump up here and roar!

-Rawr!

-Thatta boy, Mr. Wilson!

-The way things are going,

Krinkie's article about me

will probably be on

the obituary page.

[doorbell]

-Mr. Millard, come on in.

-Came a little early for

the circus, Mitchell.

Mr. Krinkie asked me to

take a few photograph's

for tomorrow's paper.

-I'm a gorilla.

-Well, you could have fooled me.

I didn't know Hubert

was a member of the den.

-Oh, he joined just in

time to be a gorilla.

I hope you don't mind my

taking of photographs,

but Mr. Krinkie is my boss.

-Not at all.

Come in.

-Martha, I can't

be a lion tonight.

I've almost got a temperature.

-Now George, you made

Dennis a promise.

-Oh, I know, but-- but Martha,

suppose somehow Krinkie

finds out about it.

Why, he'd make a skeleton

in the closet out of it.

-Nobody will know that you're

in that costume except Dennis

and me.

-Well, my dear, everybody reads

his important people column,

and, well, I've always

wanted something

written about me

in a dignified way.

I've never been in Who's

Who, or even What's That.

Most things written about me

have hardly been dignified.

I can still see the headline.

Class orator falls

into orchestra pit.

-I know how truly

dignified you are, dear.

And so does everyone else.

And they'll keep on

knowing it no matter

what Mr. Krinkie writes.

[doorbell] I'll get it, dear.

-Martha wait.

That could be Krinkie.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

Is Mr. Wilson ready?

-Yes, dear.

Come in.

George, it's Dennis.

-Guess what, Mr. Wilson?

If we're lucky, our picture

will be in the paper tomorrow.

-Our picture?

-Mr. Millard's taking some

photos for Mr. Krinkie tonight.

-I knew it, Martha.

You see?

I'll bet anything

that Krinkie has

his assistant over

there just to spy on me.

-Now George, even if

the picture is taken,

nobody will know that

you're in the costume.

-Well, suppose they have

x-ray film of some kind.

I wouldn't put anything

past that Krinkie.

-Now George, you really do want

to keep your promise to Dennis.

-I'm keeping mine, Mr. Wilson.

I haven't told Mr.

Krinkie or anybody

about your flagpole sitting.

-You see?

Now put on your head,

George, and go to the circus.

-All right, Martha.

-Come on, Mr. Wilson.

Right here.

[doorbell]

-Oh, good evening.

Come on in.

Right on in there.

Thank you.

Oh, my.

Nice.

Thank you.

You can put your

hats around there.

-Hi, how are you tonight?

You can take the seat

down in front if you want.

Hi, do you want to sit in there?

-You give it back to me.

It's mine.

-I'm just gonna use it.

I'll give it back.

-I want it now!

-Well, get it!

-Boys!

What's this all about?

-He stole my nose!

-I just wanted to wear it

during my opening speech.

-Well, Tommy, I think

you'd better give it back.

A clown really needs his nose.

-Golly.

Why do I have to

be just me tonight?

-Now Tommy, you have to

make the opening speech.

You'd better stand

over here and be ready,

because it's just

about time to go in.

Come on, boys, line up.

The circus is ready to begin!

-Jeepers, if you're worried

about someone seeing you,

why don't you put on your head?

-Because it's stuffy in there.

-You get in line.

-It's time to start, honey.

Is everybody here?

-Well, they're not all here,

but I think we can start.

-On with the circus.

[applause]

-Good evening,

ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to den three's first

annual Cubs Scout circus.

But first, a song.

-(SINGING) We're the wolf

cubs, we're the bear cubs,

and true lion cubs are we.

All together, we're the

cubs, and known as--

-Mr. Wilson, they've started.

We've got to go line up!

-Oh, good grief.

Oh!

-Jeepers, what

happened, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, your father

left a nail in the side

of his house, that's

what's happened.

[applause]

-Before we go on, a

few announcements.

The den will have a

field trip tomorrow

morning to hunt fossils.

Mrs. Mitchell, our

den mothers, wants

me to say that there will

be refreshments for everyone

after the show.

And now, on to the circus.

Here's our ringmaster,

Mr. Mitchell.

-Ladies and gentlemen, it's

good to see so many of you

out here tonight.

Our performers are in the

wings, ready to go on.

And now, without

further delay, here

is the most talented gorilla

that ever hit our shores.

The son of King Kong, Garballa.

-Grr.

Grr.

Grr.

Rawr!

-Dennis, I can't go

in there like that.

-I'd better get Mom

to sew you back up.

-Dennis!

What about our secret?

-Mom's a good friend of

mine too, Mr. Wilson.

Don't have to worry about her.

Why, you know, I bet

she's keeping secrets

that we don't even know about.

[applause]

-And now here's

a riddle for you.

What's tall and short, and

dances on all four legs?

Why, a dancing

giraffe, of course!

-That's your cue, boys.

You're on.

-Hold my banana, Mrs. Mitchell.

I didn't have time to finish.

[applause]

-Mom?

-Dennis, where's your lion?

-Something's wrong

with his costume.

Come look at it.

-Oh, dear.

-I'd better check

with your father.

-Mom?

If you recognize my

lion, it's a secret, OK?

-My lips are sealed.

-Good.

We'll be waiting in the kitchen.

-Psst!

-What's the matter, honey?

-I have a little

repair work to do.

Do you think you can

handle things out

here too for a moment?

-Sure.

-Oh, here, ringmaster.

Hold this.

It belongs to the

dancing giraffe.

-I wonder which half.

[applause]

-Oh, Alice!

Please!

Try to have a little

better idea of where

the costume leaves

off, and I begin.

-I'm sorry.

There.

I think that does it.

-Oh.

-Oh, and Mr. Wilson,

about your secret.

Don't worry, I'll keep it.

-Oh, thank you, Alice.

-Boy, am I glad I'm a Cub Scout.

Where else would I ever

get to be a lion tamer?

-Now hold onto

your seats, folks.

You're about to see a Cub Scout

risk his life in an attempt

to take the most

ferocious of animals,

the king of the beasts.

People who faint easily

are advised to leave now.

Here it is, the

contest of the century.

Boy versus beast!

[applause]

-Get in here!

-Rawr!

Rawr!

-That's funny, yeah?

-Rawr!

-Back!

Back!

-Rawr!

Rawr!

-Back!

Back!

-Rawr!

-Now, jump up here and roar!

-Rawr!

-Bow!

-Oh!

I knew it!

Picture!

Millard, I want that photograph!

-I'm sorry, Wilson.

This picture belongs on the

front page of tomorrow's paper.

-Oh.

-Mr. Millard says you can have

more copies of the picture

if you want them.

-More?

I don't even want this one.

Martha, this is just the

sort of thing Krinkie

was dying to get his hands on.

He'll make me look

foolish for sure.

[doorbell] Now, who can that be?

-Hello, Mrs. Wilson.

-Come in, Mr. Krinkie.

-I just stopped by to

see George for a minute.

I just wanted to be sure you

had a copy of this photo Millard

took last night.

Quite a likeness, isn't it?

-Krinkie, you wouldn't dare

print that picture of me

in your paper?

-How's this for a headline?

George Wilson plunges

into second childhood

as oldest Cub

Scout in the world.

It isn't often I get

a chance to write

about a skeleton in

somebody's closet,

and print a picture

about it, too.

-Now look here, Krinkie, I--

-Mr. Wilson!

Hey Mr. Wilson, we've

still got our secret!

There's nothing about

you in this morning's--

-Dennis.

-Oh, uh, hello, Mr. Krinkie.

-Well, it doesn't

matter, anyway.

The secret's out.

-Do you mean Mr.

Krinkie knows about your

being a champion

flagpole sitter?

-Dennis!

-Well, well, George.

Champion flagpole

sitter too, eh?

Now my article will have two

juicy skeletons in your closet.

-But I thought you said

the secret was out.

-That's all right, Dennis.

There are no secrets

among old friends.

-Then I can tell

everybody about you

being the front end of a giraffe

last night, huh, Mr. krinkie?

-Dennis, you promised!

Right in your mother's

kitchen, you--

-Well, well, well, Krinkie.

-Front end of the giraffe, eh?

Oh, ho, ho!

Wait until everybody down at

the lodge hears about this!

-Wilson, if you ever

mention a word--

-Mention it?

I'm gonna shout about it!

Everybody will know!

Unless--

-Unless what?

-Those skeletons in my closet?

-Good friends do keep each

others' secrets, Mr. Krinkie.

They go through thick

and thin for each other.

-Ha ha!

Good boy, Dennis.

-You will keep my

secret, George.

-If you keep mine.

I

- hate to do it,

but it's a deal.

No skeleton in your

closet in the article.

Just George Wilson,

good citizen.

-Good.

Dennis, I don't know how

two such good friends

as Mr. Krinkie and

myself can repay you.

-You can help out the first

Monday night of next month.

-Oh?

What's happening then?

-Us Cub Scouts are gonna have

another circus, this time

for everybody in the whole town.

And I'm gonna be the

elephant trainer.

-What?

-One of you can be the

front end of my elephant,

and the other can be the rear!

-Great scott!

[theme music]
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