-Dennis, you're
still in the way!
-Well, Jeepers, Mr. Wilson,
where do you want me to stand?
-Well, you know the
corner of Maple and Trent?
-But if I go to the other side
of town I can't talk to you.
-Yeah, that's a
brilliant deduction.
Now, oh, drat, the cord's
caught on something.
-I'll check it for
you, Mr. Wilson.
It's caught on a bush!
Now, it's OK!
You've got plenty of line.
[yelp]
-Great Scott!
[music playing]
-Now, children,
one way in Which we
can learn about the
peoples of the world
is through the all
nation show, which
is being staged in a
few weeks by the school.
Now, we want to make
this a community project.
So I'd like you to
ask your parents
and friends to participate.
They will wear costumes
representing the nationality
from which they're descended.
Ito, do you think
your mother would
like to represent the Japanese?
-Oh, yes, Miss
Perkins, she'd love it.
-Fine.
Karen?
-My father came from Holland.
I'm sure he'd like
to be in the show.
-On, that's fine, Karen.
Speak to your father.
The dutch costume
is very picturesque.
-What'll I do?
My Dad's from Texas.
-I don't think we will have a
shortage of Americans, Tommy.
-Dennis?
-Miss Perkins, who's that
man wearing the skirt?
-He's a Scotsman, Dennis,
wearing the traditional kilt.
-Well, Jeepers, if he
wears a skirt like that,,
what does his wife wear?
-The women wear
skirts too, Dennis.
-Boy, I'll ask my dad
to wear that costume.
-Good!
I wondered if there was
anyone of Scottish ancestry
in the class.
Incidentally, children, editor
Krinkie of The Chronicle
is in charge of the show.
And he has announced
that there will
be a grand prize for
the nation that comes up
with the most
original presentation.
-Hooray for Mr. Krinkie!
-Hooray for the grand prize!
-So, you see, Dennis I
can't represent Scotland
because I'm not Scotch.
-Not even a little bit?
-I'm afraid not.
-But, believe me,
it's just as well.
My bony knees wouldn't
add a thing to the show.
-How about you, Mom?
-Well, I guess my
kneed are all right.
But I'm a mixture of
English, Welsh, and Danish.
-In your mother's
case, it's a matter
of right knees, wrong country.
-Jeepers, Mom, you're
English, Welsh, and Danish,
Dad's Irish, and
French, and stuff.
What am I?
I must be just a mutt.
-Dennis, if finding a
Scotsman is your project,
why don't you talk
to Mr. Wilson?
-Mr. Wilson?
-Yes, Mr. Wilson once
told me his grandmother
was from Scotland.
Oh, boy, I'll go see Mr. Wilson.
He sure is a swell
friend of mine.
He even has his grandmother
born in the right place!
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
Where you going?
-Well, if you must
know, Dennis, I'm
going down to
McTavish's Fix-It Shop
to get my clippers repaired.
-Mr, WIlson, are you Scotch?
-Well, my grandmother
was a McFarland.
What about it?
-Oh, boy!
You're just the one to help
me out on my school project.
-Dennis, I don't want to
hear anything about school.
Living next door to
you, I've already
received a liberal education.
Now, look, you go that way.
I'll go this way.
-But I've got to tell you
about our all nations show.
-You can tell me about
it later, Dennis.
-When later?
-Oh, much later, now goodbye.
-Goodbye, Mr. Wilson.
See you later!
-Right in the middle,
Mr. Wilson don't you
understand you're
supposed to clip
the hedge with this and
not to cut the cord.
-Oh, I don't need any words
of wisdom from you, McTavish.
Just tell me, can you fix it?
-Well, the price
of a new cord is--
-New cord, I can't just
splice this old one?
-It wouldn't hold, man?
Not with you tugging on it.
-Oh, I didn't a--
I didn't tug on it.
[chimes]
-Hi Mr. Wilson, Hi Mr. McTavish.
-Hello, laddie.
-Dennis, what's the
idea of following me?
-You said we could talk about my
school show later, Mr. Wilson.
And it's been minutes.
-I meant much later,
like next month.
Now, where were we?
-We were talking about the
price of a new cord, $ . .
-$ . ?
-Plus the labor.
-Now, wait a minute, McTavish.
-A minute's about all I
can give you, Mr. Wilson.
My time's worth $ an hour.
-McTavish, you're the most
tight-fisted Scotsman I
ever-- oh, fiddle faddle!
Here, I'll fix it myself!
-Gosh, Mr. McTavish, I
didn't know you were Scotch?
-What did you think I
was, laddie, an Eskimo?
-Boy, you're just the
man I'm looking for.
Geez, Miss Perkins gonna
be glad you're a Scotchman.
-Scotsman, laddie, a man
from Scotland is a Scotsman.
-Well, my job is to
find a Scotchman.
-Scotsman, laddie.
-Oh, excuse me, Scotsman.
So would you be in our show
and wear kilts, Mr. McTavish?
You'd make a swell Scotchman.
-Well, I'll do that,
laddie, just for you.
-Gee, thanks Mr. McTavish.
-Martha, have you seen
this afternoon's paper?
-No, dear, you
just brought it in.
-Oh, well, wait
until you read what
it says about the
all nations show
that Dennis' school
is putting on.
Why, it's a really big thing.
-Oh, they're going
to take movies of it.
And The Mail will be there.
There will be prizes.
-The first prize will be
a brand new automobile.
Oh, Martha, we
could use a new car.
-There will be a lot of
competition for that, dear.
-Well, George Wilson
thrives on competition.
Oh, and see here.
Krinkie is producing the show.
And it says it will
be the town's biggest
event of the year.
-Isn't that exciting?
-Now, why didn't
Dennis tell me it
was going to be such
an important affair?
I wouldn't have turned him down.
Martha, I'm going
right over there
and tell Dennis
I've reconsidered.
I'll represent Scotland.
-Oh, George, you'll be
devastating in kilts.
-Yes, I will, won't I.
[singing in scottish accent]
-Gosh, Mr. Wilson, I
don't know what to say.
-Oh, but you don't have
to say anything, my boy.
I'm only too glad to do it.
-What about Mr. McTavish, son?
-McTavish?
-You see, Mr. Wilson, I already
asked him to be the Scotchman.
-What?
-Well, when you turned
Dennis down, Mr. Wilson,
he had no other choice.
-Dennis, how could you do that?
Why, you know when I say
no, it doesn't mean no.
It means I want
to think it over.
-Gosh, what am I
going to do, Dad?
-Well, you've already
asked Mr. McTavish, son.
-But Dennis asked me first.
Isn't that right, Dennis?
-Yeah, but--
-Maybe if you went
down to Mr. McTavish
and explained that you
asked Mr. Wilson first,
he might withdraw.
-That's a marvelous
idea, Mitchell.
McTavish is a fair-minded man.
And just to make sure he
doesn't pull anything sneaky,
I'll go along with Dennis.
Besides, I couldn't
let you down, could I?
[music playing]
-Now, you go in
there and be firm.
-Aren't you coming
in to back me up?
-No, I'd better stay here.
If I go in there I'll just
have another argument.
-Jeepers, between
you and Mr. McTavish
I feel like the
inside of a sandwich.
-Hi, Mr. McTavish.
-Oh, Dennis me boy.
How are you laddie?
I've just been reading in the
paper about the school play.
It's going to be
quite an affair.
-That's what I came
to talk to you about.
-Oh, what's on your mind, lad?
-Would you feel
bad if you didn't
get to represent Scotland?
-Well, let's say I'd
be very disappointed.
-But you wouldn't be mad?
-Oh, no, only a fool gets mad.
-Jeepers, that's swell.
-What are you getting at, lad?
-Well, Mr. Wilson wants
to represent Scotland.
-Wilson!
I might have known he'd
be at the bottom of this.
So he wants to win
that car too, eh?
Why, the conniving old goat!
-Now, Mr. McTavish, you
said you wouldn't get mad!
-Who's mad?
What right does he got to
stick his big nose in it?
-I'll tell you what right
I have, priority rights.
Dennis asked me first.
-That's right, Mr. McTavish.
-But he asked me last.
And I accepted.
-That's right, Mr. Wilson.
-What makes you think
you're qualified
to represent Scotland
in this affair?
-On account of his
grandmother was a Scotchman.
-That's right, my
grandmother was a McFarland.
-Big deal, eh?
I say let the Scot most
qualified do the honor.
-Well, that suits me.
Dennis can be the judge.
-Me?
Jeepers!
-You'll have no difficulty
finding who is the proper Scot.
Do you like ice cream?
-Sure!
-Come on, let's walk
down to the drug store
and I'll be you a soda.
-Gee, thanks, Mr. McTavish!
-McTavish, that's dirty poo!
Ah, Duncan McFarland,
Earl of Braymore.
Ha!
Wait until McTavish gets
an earful of that, Martha!
Imagine that man,
trying to bribe
Dennis with ice cream sodas.
Of all the underhanded
sneaky tricks to curry
the boy's favor.
-Here are your cookies, dear.
-Oh, thank you, Martha,
Dennis will love these.
-Well, is he going to live?
-I think so, just a
good old-fashioned tummy
ache thanks to Mr. McTavish's
sodas and Mr. Wilson's cookies.
-Jeepers, how could
eating such good stuff
make you feel so bad?
-This should teach
you a lesson, son.
You can't play one
person against another.
-You're not being fair to either
Mr. Wilson or to Mr. McTavish.
-I've been too fair, Mom.
That's what gave me
this stomach ache.
-Well, you see, son, it's hard
to make a choice when you've
got two close friends involved.
-Boy, I'll say.
-How would you like to have
to tell Mr. Wilson that you
picked Mr. McTavish
to do the show?
-I could never do that.
-Well, then, how
would you like to have
to tell Mr. McTavish
you've picked Mr. Wilson?
-I couldn't do that, either.
-I'll call Mr. Krinkie.
He's the one that should
make the decision.
-You're right.
This is a job for Mr. Krinkie.
Boy, you know, I
feel better already.
Worrying about that decision was
making me old before my time.
-Go ahead, Krinkie,
have another cookie.
Martha just baked them.
-George, you didn't
call me over here just
to fill me up with cookies.
What's on your mind?
-Well, when I found
out that you were
going to pick the one
to represent Scotland
in the show, I-- well, I
thought we should discuss it.
-What makes you think
you're eligible?
You're no more Scotch
than my Siamese cat.
-Oh, is that so?
Well, for you
information, Krinkie,
I happen to be a
direct descendant
of Duncan McFarland,
Earl of Braymore.
-Oh, poo.
-Go ahead and poo.
But I'll have proof any
day now by registered mail.
-You don't say?
-So, since you and I are old
friends, I thought you might--
-Ask McTavish to withdraw so
you'd have a better chance
to win the grand prize?
-Well, yes.
-Look, George, I'm not
going to play favorites.
I'll judge between
you and McTavish,
not only on your
family credentials.
But also on the amount of
showmanship you display.
Whether you've got blue
blood or green blood,
I've got a show to put up.
-Well, I understand that.
And if it's
showmanship you want,
I'll show you more showmanship
than Barnum showed Bailey!
-That Mrs. Elkins!
Honestly, there must be
, towns in this country
and she has to pick
this one to live in.
-What did she do, dear?
-Oh, she came up
behind me when I
was bent over picking
these flowers and said,
good morning, Martha.
-Oh, George, That's a mistake
that anyone might make.
-Do you have to wear you
kilt around the house?
-Well, yes, dear, I want to
get used to how it feels.
-How does it feel?
-Drafty, the point is, Martha,
if I'm going to win that car,
I have to go at this
thing whole hog.
[doorbell]
-Oh, that must be Campbell,
my bagpipe player.
He's always on time!
Oh, Mr. Campbell!
-Mr. Wilson.
-Mrs. Wilson.
-Hello, Mr. Campbell.
-Well, Campbell, this is
our last day to practice.
Tomorrow's the judging.
It's either McTavish or me.
-Don't worry, Mr.
Wilson, it's in the bag.
-Oh, did you get that Martha?
It's in the bag.
All right, Campbell,
pipe me onto the patio.
And we'll get busy.
-Jeepers, that was
a good one Tommy
[bagpipe music]
-What's that?
[bagpipe music]
-Gosh, is that what was
making all that noise?
-Dennis, that wasn't noise.
That was music.
-Oh, Tommy and me
thought it was Fremont
with his tail
caught in the door.
-Yeah, the cannibals
cooking somebody alive.
-Boys, Mr. Campbell
here happens to be
one of the best bagpipe
players in the country.
-Hi!
-Hey, Mr. Wilson,
what are you doing
running around in
your underwear?
-That's not underwear, Tommy.
That's Mr. Wilson's skirt.
Right Mr. Wilson?
-Kilts, Dennis, kilts.
Wearing kilts is part
of my showmanship.
-Well, you sure
are showing a lot.
-Excuse me, Mr. Wilson,
may I use your phone.
-Oh, of course, Mr. Campbell.
I'll show you where it is.
Just follow me.
[bagpipe sounds]
-Jeepers!
It's alive!
-Try to play it.
-Maybe you blow
into one of these.
-Uh oh!
-What happened?
-I lost my bubble gum, way down!
-You got a long finger, Tommy?
MR. WILSON (OFFSCREEN):
I'm going out
to the patio, Campbell.
-Uh oh, they're coming back!
-All right now, Dennis,
Tommy, run along.
Mr. Campbell and I
have things to do.
-But Mr. Wilson,
I think there's--
-Dennis, Dennis
I said run along.
-But--
-Shoo!
Scat!
Both of you.
[bagpipe sounds]
[pop]
-Great Scott!
Martha!
Martha!
-All right, Campbell,
right over there.
You folks down here.
Krinkie, you can sit
right next to Martha.
-Thank you, George.
-George appreciates
you giving your time
to come and judge this
private little contest.
-Well, I want to be fair to
both George and McTavish.
-I tried to be fair,
and boy did I get sick.
-Dennis!
-Oh, Krinkie, have I
got a surprise for you.
-Oh?
-Miss Scotland of the
Miss Universe contest.
I asked her and she'll
be part of my sketch.
You'll see her in just a minute.
Now, how's that for showmanship?
-You've really put
yourself out, George.
-All right now, let's
get things started.
-Wait a minute!
Where's McTavish?
-Well, he'll come along
if he's still interested.
But we can't hold
up the proceedings
just because of him.
And now to start
things off, I'd like
to sing a beloved
Scottish ballad
that my ancestor,
the Earl of Braymore,
learned at his mother's knee.
-Just a minute, George, did
you get the letter showing
proof of your Scotch ancestry?
-Oh, no, Krinkie,
but don't worry.
It'll be here.
And now, for the song.
Campbell?
[bagpipe music]
-(SINGING) Maxwell
sings praise our Bonnie,
where early forms the dew.
And forget that any Laurie
give me a promise true.
Give me a promise true!
Which never God shall make.
And for Bonnie and--
[drum banging]
-Well, you could at least
have waited your turn.
-Well, I thought the proceedings
needed a wee bit livening up.
You know, showmanship?
-Showmanship, eh?
Well, showmanship happens
to be my middle name.
You just back up, Mac, and I'll
show you some real showmanship!
On with it!
[bagpipe music]
-Hoo hi!
[bagpipe music]
-Hoo hi!
[bagpipe music]
-Where's my partner,
Miss Scotland?
[bagpipe music]
[applause]
-Bravo, Mr. Wilson!
-That was delightful!
-George, you may not even have
a family tree for all I know.
But you've sold me.
That should be the
highlight of our show!
-Oh, well, did you
hear that, Martha?
I won.
-George, I'm so proud of you.
-Oh, boy, you're going to
win that car, Mr. Wilson.
Can I have a ride in it?
-Well, if Mr. Krinkie
wants to wrap up that car
and put my name on it?
-I'd rather meet Miss Scotland.
-Oh, yes, of course.
Miss Scotland, that is Miss
Jones of the Miss Universe
contest, may I
present Mr. Krinkie,
editor of The Chronicle.
-I'm glad to meet
you, Miss Jones.
And I hope you'll be with
us when we do our show.
-I intend to.
And I'll enjoy
every minute of it.
-Good.
-Well, Wilson, that was a
rare bit of showmanship,
I'm bound to admit.
-Well, thank you, McTavish.
-You're welcome.
-Oh, Mr. Wilson, I'm sorry to
interrupt your little party.
But I rang the bell.
Nobody answered.
And I knew you'd been waiting
for this registered letter.
-Thank you, O'Reilly.
-Sign this right here.
-I'll sign for it later.
This is what I've
been waiting for.
Folks, I want you
all to hear this.
This is my family tree.
I want you to here it in
case anyone doubts my right
to represent Scotland
in the all nations show.
Dear Mr. Wilson, oh
yes, you are undoubtedly
descended from Duncan McFarland,
Earl of Braymore-- great Scott!
-What is it, dear?
However, Duncan McFarland
was an impostor.
Oh, dear.
-Impostor?
He assumed the name
McFarland and title
when he fled from
Ireland to avoid
being jailed as a horse thief.
His real name was
Aloysius O'Toole.
-I'm an Irishmen!
-Too bad, George.
-Congratulations, Angus.
I'll see you at
rehearsal tomorrow.
And see if you can
steal Miss Scotland.
-I'll give it a good try.
-Wait a minute!
If Mr. Wilson's Irish, why
can't he represent Ireland?
-Say, Dennis, that's
a brilliant idea!
-Can you girls do an Irish jig?
-Now, wait a minute,
I'm the one who's
representing Ireland,
eh, Mr. Krinkie?
-That's true, O Reilly.
-Well, now, why should you be
chosen to represent Ireland?
Faith in me God, I've got
more Irish in my little finger
than you have in
your two flat feet!
-Is that so?
Well, let me tell
you that there was
an O'Reilly before
there was an Ireland!
-Is that so!
-Let's hear the pipes!
Girls, on with the dance!
[bagpipe music]
-Boy, this is more fun than
the school show will ever be!
[music playing]
03x17 - Dennis Has a Fling
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.