03x18 - Frog Jumping Contest

[bunniefuu]

[frog croaking]

-Jeepers, Sam!

Wait for me!

Hey Mom, have you

seen the tape measure?

-No I haven't, dear.

-You know something?

Sam's been jumping like crazy!

-[screams]

[dish breaking]

-Dennis Mitchell!

-I'm sorry!

Boy, you really did

it this time, Sam.

-What'd you do now?

Dennis, what have you

been told about keeping

that frog in the house?

-Dad, Sam was just practicing

jumping inside today

on account of the grass was wet.

You wouldn't want good old

Sam to catch pneumonia.

-Dennis.

-Or even the rheumatism

like Grandma gets.

-Young man, if I catch that

frog in this house once more,

Sam will not be in

the frog jumping

contest tomorrow afternoon.

Now is that clear?

-Sure, Dad.

But what if it rains

some more outside?

-I'll loan Sam my umbrella.

Rheumatism like Grandma gets.

-That child!

Henry, when you

were a little boy,

did you try to sneak

frogs into the house?

-Of course not, Alice.

I went in for lizards.

[dish breaking]

[theme music]

-Martha, listen to this.

It says, "And to top

off the festivities,

of the hoppingest

frogs in captivity

will compete for the gold cup

in the Mark Twain frog jumping

contest." [laughs] I

ask you, how ridiculous

can the human race get?

-Yes, George.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

-Oh, hello Dennis.

-I just wanted to

talk to you about Sam.

[frog croaks]

-[gasps] Oh Dennis!

-Jeepers, I'm sorry.

But Sam won't hurt you.

Would you, Sam?

[frog croaks]

-Well, just, just get that,

that beast out of here.

[frog croaks]

-Sam's not a beast, Mr. Wilson.

Dad says Sam's a reptile.

-Well, I don't care if Sam is

Prince Charming in disguise.

Now just take your slimy

little friend and depart.

-Mr. Wilson?

Will you be partners

with me and Sam

in the frog jumping contest?

--[laughs] I stopped

jumping years ago, Dennis.

-Oh, Sam will do

all the jumping.

All we gotta do is keep her

happy and jumping her best.

We found out Sam's

a girl, you know.

-Now what has that got

to do with anything?

-Well, I'll show you.

Two, four, six,

[clears throat] eight, , .

Good old Sam jumps over

feet without even trying.

-Dennis, I wouldn't be impressed

if good old Sam jumped feet,

one and a half inches with

one foot tied behind her back

and wearing high heels!

[doorbell rings]

-Who is that?

Oh, why Sergeant Mooney!

What are you doing--

-Hello, George.

I guess you know why I'm here.

-Well n-no!

I haven't done--

-Here's your ticket.

-Ticket?

Now look here, Mooney.

I haven't--

-Tickets to the annual

policemen's ball.

-Oh, those tickets.

Well, good grief.

How many of those annual

affairs do you fellows

have a year anyway?

-Oh, come now, George.

You know we only have

one annual policemen's

ball every six months. [laughs]

-Bah.

-Hi, Sergeant Mooney.

Have you met Sam yet?

She's gonna win the frog

jumping contest tomorrow.

-Oh now Dennis, I don't

want to disillusion you.

But my frog Marilyn has

the cup practically won.

-Mooney, don't tell

me you're entering

a frog in that silly content.

-I certainly am!

And do you know how far Marilyn

can jump? [laughs] feet,

six inches!

-The idea of a grown

man-- wait a minute!

Did you say feet, six inches?

-Well jeepers, Sergeant Mooney.

Sam can jump--

-Eh, Dennis.

Eh, uh come in, Mooney.

[laughs] You know,

it just so happens

that Dennis and

I have a frog who

isn't too bad at

jumping herself.

-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson!

You mean you're gonna

be my partner after all?

-I do, Dennis.

-Oh boy!

-And you think that frog

can b*at my Marilyn, huh?

-Well, sure she will.

Why, Sam can jump--

-Would you like to make a

small friendly wager, Mooney?

-Shall we say $ ?

-Shall we say $ ?

-But Mr. Wilson!

-Please Dennis!

Qui-- we're talking!

-I'll gladly make it $ .

-$ .

-$ !

-Now wait!

You're betting me

$ that your frog

will outjump our frog tomorrow?

-Indeed I am, my

chubby little friend!

-It's a wager.

-Oh George, there's one

thing that bothers me.

-Oh?

What's that?

-Your $ is just

liable to put me

in a higher income

tax bracket! [laughs]

-[mocking laugh] Yourself!

-Come on, Mr. Wilson.

We've gotta get Sam's

morning practice in.

-I'll be right out, Dennis.

-Oh, Mr. Wilson?

Bring the tape measure and

I'll go get the rubbing alcohol

and we'll meet at my place.

-All right, Dennis.

-George?

Don't you think $ is a little

high for a friendly wager?

-Well, yes it is, Martha dear.

Except for one thing.

I can't lose!

[laughs]

[frog croaking]

- feet, eight inches!

-Sam, that's the

best you've done yet!

[frog croaking]

-Dennis, remember what

I told you about Sam

being out of the contest if

she gets in the house again.

-OK, Dad.

-Out of the contest?

Oh Mitchell, you wouldn't think

of doing a thing like that,

would you?

-Well, I'm afraid I'd

have to, Mr. Wilson.

Both Sam and Dennis have been

warned several times already.

-Well, let's let Sam

have a rest, Dennis.

We don't want to get

that marvelous little

jumping machine over-trained.

-OK, Mr. Wilson.

I'll give Sam a rubdown and

let her have her morning nap.

- feet, eight inches!

[laughs] Oh, I can't wait to see

the expression on Mooney's face

tomorrow when Sam goes soaring

into the wild blue yonder.

-I've been thinking, Mr. Wilson.

How about you and me and

Sam getting sweatshirts

to wear with Sam's name

stenciled on the back?

-Well Dennis, I

somehow doubt that we

could find a sweatshirt

small enough for Sam.

-Well then maybe we could

take a little white sock and--

[frog croaking]

-Sam, come back here!

I better get Sam before

Mom and Dad see her!

-Why certainly.

We don't want

anything to happen now

that we're this close

to victory, Dennis.

Oh, here's Sam's box.

Now you find her

and keep her in it.

-OK, Mr. Wilson.

But if you hear a loud

scream, we're in trouble!

-Hello?

Mr. Wilson?

This is Dennis.

I can't find Sam anywhere!

-Oh now Dennis, Sam must be

around that house somewhere.

-I know!

But I can't look good because

Mom and Dad are hanging around.

And if they catch Sam in the

house again, neither of us

will be allowed to be

in the contest tomorrow.

-All right, Dennis.

You sit tight.

I'll be right over.

-Oh Martha?

-Yes, dear?

-Martha, we've got to get over

to the Mitchells' right away.

-Oh dear, is something wrong?

-You can say that again.

I've got to help Dennis find his

frog before Alice or Mitchell

do, or we're out of

that contest tomorrow.

-Oh George, wait a second.

We can't go bursting in

on the Mitchells now.

It's lunch time!

-Do you want to see Mooney

win my $ by forfeit?

-But why in heaven's

name must I go with you?

-Well, because it'll look

less suspicious that way.

While they're talking to

you, I can look around.

-George, I refuse!

Why, those people are probably

eating lunch this very minute.

-All right, Martha.

All right.

I just hope you'll be able

to live with your conscience

if they end up having

frog legs for dinner!

-Dennis, wash your hands, dear.

Lunch is almost ready.

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): OK Mom!

[doorbell rings]

-Henry, would you get

the front door, please?

-Sure, honey.

Why, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson.

This is a surprise.

-Hello, Mitchell.

-Well, come on in.

-Thank you.

Thank you, Mitchell.

-We can only stay

a minute, Henry.

-Uh, won't you sit down?

-Eh, oh yes.

[laughs nervously]

Thanks, Mitchell.

-Uh, I'll go get Alice.

-Ah. [laughs] Here Sam!

Sam!

Here Sam!

-George Wilson, I've

never been so embarrassed

in my whole life.

-Martha, why don't you go

out and look in the kitchen?

-I'll do no such thing!

-Well Henry, I can't!

I only have enough tuna

fish for the three of us.

-Well, well, can't you add

some water to it or something?

-Oh you!

-Here Sam!

Here Sam!

Did you find her yet, Dennis?

-No.

But I found an ice skate

that I thought I lost.

-Oh fine.

Well, you keep looking up there.

I'll look down here.

-OK.

Mr. Wilson?

Don't bother with the closet.

The door was shut.

-Here Sam!

Here Sam!

-Hello, Mr. Wilson.

-Uh, oh!

Hello, Alice.

I was just admiring

your new drapes.

-New?

-[laughs]

-Uh, oh Mrs. Wilson.

How nice.

-Hello, Alice.

-Well, Martha and I just thought

we'd drop over and say hello.

Didn't we, Martha?

-Well, what a pleasant surprise.

You are staying to

lunch, of course?

-Thank you, Alice.

We just ate.

-Oh, uh yes.

We did.

-Oh, you did?

What a shame.

-Oh yes.

We're loaded with tuna fish.

-Will you excuse me?

I have to go into

the kitchen a moment.

-Martha, why don't you go

into the kitchen with Alice

and keep her company?

-That's a lovely idea.

Come ahead, Mrs. Wilson.

-Well, how's uh, Sam's

jumping coming along?

-Eh, oh!

Sam?

Uh, just fine!

I never noticed those cushions

were so nice and soft.

Eh, oh, I almost forgot.

Uh, I wonder if I

could borrow that pipe

wrench you keep out

in the garage, huh?

-Well, sure.

I'll go get it.

-Eh, oh fine, Mitchell.

Sam?

Sam!

Sam?

Here Sam!

[frog croaking]

-Here Sam!

[frog croaking]

-Sam?

Here Sam!

Sam!

Sam?

[frog croaking]

-Sam!

Come out from under there, Sam!

[frog croaking]

-Sam!

[frog croaking]

-Sam!

Please Sam?

-Mr. Wilson, what on Earth?

-Oh!

Oh Mitchell.

Uh, I, uh, oh I was just doing

a push up or two, you know.

Up down.

Yeah.

[laughs] Keeps my

good figure, you know.

-Oh.

Well, here it is.

-Oh, thank you, Mitchell.

Thank you. [laughs] My, this

is a fine one, isn't it?

-[laughs] Yes.

[frog croaking]

-Arp!

Practicing frog sounds.

-Well, you're certainly

getting good at it.

-Yes, I am.

Aren't I?

[frog croaking]

-Arp.

Oh, Mitchell, uh, uh, that isn't

an ink stain on the rug, is it?

-An ink spot?

Where?

-Right over there!

[frog croaking]

-Well, I don't see any ink spot.

-Well, I must be--

[frog croaking]

-Urp!

Running along. [laughs]

-What's so funny, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh, I uh, something tickled me.

I mean, I remembered

a joke I just heard.

Tell Martha I'll

see her at home.

Sam, stop that!

-Oh uh, Mr. Wilson?

-Oh!

Oh yes, Mitchell?

-I'm certainly glad that you

found the frog before Alice

and I did.

-Uh, uh.

-[laughing]

-Oh, for Pete's sake!

-[laughing]

-Eight feet, two

and a half inches.

Well, what's wrong

with you, Sam?

[frog croaking]

-Aren't you feeling good, Sam?

[frog croaking]

-Maybe she started jumping

too soon after eating.

-Oh, this is no laughing

matter, Mitchell.

Why, this morning she was

making feet every time.

Now she can't even

jump eight, six.

-I think good old Sam's sick.

She didn't even eat that

last bug I gave her.

Are you sick, Sam?

[frog croaking]

-Yep, she's sick all right.

-Well, we better do

something, and fast.

-When did she have her

last complete physical?

-That's it!

We'll take Sam to Mr.

Wiggins, the veterinarian.

-No, Wiggins is out

of town, Dennis.

-Then we'll take her to

good old Dr. Johnson.

He can make anybody well.

-I'm afraid Dr. Johnson only

administers to people, Dennis.

-That's all right.

Sam doesn't mind going to a

people doctor, do you Sam?

[frog croaking]

-See?

Come on, Mr. Wilson.

I'll go get her box.

-Oh, good grief.

There must be an easier

way to make $ , Mitchell.

-Now then, which one

is sick and which one

came along for the ride?

-Oh, we're not

sick, Dr. Johnson.

But we got a sick friend who--

-Dennis, please.

Now just let me do this.

-Sick friend?

Well, why didn't you say so?

I'll get my bag.

-Oh, well you see, doc, we,

we brought the friend with us.

-You did?

-It's our frog, Sam.

-Dennis, please.

Uh, now you see, doc--

-It's your what?

-It's our frog.

Sam!

-George Wilson, if this

is your idea of a joke--

-Oh, this is no

joke, Dr. Johnson.

Sam's sick.

And the jumping

contest is tomorrow.

-And we had no one else

we could turn to, doc.

-Now listen here, George--

-Please Dr. Johnson.

How'd you like to

be a sick frog?

-At times I'd prefer it

to being a well doctor.

Now I'm very sorry.

-You mean you're

turning us down, doc?

-George Wilson, I did

not go through four years

of medical school and

two years of interning

and odd years

of general practice

to administer medicine

to a sick frog.

-Come along, Sam.

-Thank you, doctor.

-Now George, what do

I know about frogs?

-Gosh, Dr. Johnson.

I thought an

honest-to-goodness doctor

could help anything

that was sick.

-Bring him over here, Dennis.

-Jeepers!

Thanks, Dr. Johnson!

-Thank you, doc.

-All right.

Say aah.

What am I saying?

-Say aah, Sam.

[frog croaking]

-Is that good enough?

-Oh, that's Jim dandy, Dennis.

Hmm.

-Aren't you gonna

listen to Sam's chest?

-Oh Dennis, please!

-No George.

Dennis has a point.

His heart's as

steady as my watch.

All right, turn

him over and let's

take a look at the rest of him.

Hmm.

-Aren't you gonna tap Sam's

knee with a little hammer?

-His reflexes seem

just fine, Dennis.

Why break his leg?

[sighs] I don't know.

He seems all right.

-Well, what do we do now, doc?

-Well, if he had

health insurance,

I could throw him

into the hospital

for a thorough examination.

Here.

I'll uh, give him a

sh*t of B , George.

And that's about

the best I can do.

-Will it hurt, doctor?

-Oh, of course not, Dennis.

-Don't look, Sam.

-You know you two,

I've been thinking.

Now I'm not much of

an authority on frogs,

but it is getting

close to spring.

Maybe Sam would

feel a lot better

if he had a real

nice girlfriend.

-But jeepers, Dr. Johnson!

Sam is a girl!

-Hmm?

Where's her hair ribbon?

-Doc, are you saying

that all this creature

needs is a little

companionship and she'll

jump like her old self again?

-Well, spring is in the air.

-Come on, Mr. Wilson!

I know a muddy swamp

where I bet you there

are loads of boy frogs!

-Oh, joy.

-How are you, Mr. Wilson?

-How am I?

Mitchell, do you know that I

was wading in McCutcheon's Creek

until three o'clock

this morning catching

these confounded frogs?

And now, ah, ah, achoo!

-God bless you.

-Thank you, Mitchell.

And now that silly frog

of Dennis' won't even

look at them.

And you just know that one

of these frogs must be a boy!

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Hey, Mr. Wilson!

Look!

-Oh goody, another frog.

-I borrowed him from a

friend of Tommy's, and he

says this is a

boy frog for sure.

Here's another little

friend for you, Sam.

[frog croaking]

-Sam?

-Well, look at that, will you?

All she does is sit with

her nose in the corner.

-I guess Sam wants to pick out

her own boyfriend, Mr. Wilson.

-Seems Sam is a girl

with a mind of her own.

-Oh, I can just hear Mooney

laughing like a jackass

when he counts my $ .

-Mr. Wilson, it's only

two hours til the contest.

We gotta do something.

-Well, what do you

suggest, Dennis?

-Maybe Dr. Johnson will

give Sam some more B .

-All right, Dennis.

Call him up.

Oh, and Dennis?

-Yes?

-Have the doctor send an

extra sh*t of B for me.

-And now, for the grand finals

of our annual Mark Twain frog

jumping contest.

The winners of the

semifinal heats

were, on my right, Marilyn,

trained by police sergeant

Ralph Mooney, with a best jump

today of feet, eight inches.

[applause]

-And on my left, Sam, trained

by Dennis Mitchell and George

Wilson, with a best jump today

of eight feet, seven inches.

[applause]

-Oh dear, I'm afraid Sam

doesn't stand much of a chance.

-I can't understand it.

The silly creature has enough

B in her to go to the moon.

-Get ready, please.

Gentlemen and frogs,

are you ready?

[frog croaking]

-Sam's ready!

-Hey you know, George,

I've been thinking.

Just to make it a

little more fair,

maybe I ought to make

Marilyn jump backwards.

[laughs]

-[mocking laugh] Very funny.

-Quiet please.

All right, Sam,

Marilyn, or vice versa.

Get on your mark, get set,

and may the best frog win.

[starting p*stol]

-Jump Sam, jump!

-Go Marilyn go!

[frog croaking]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):

Jump Sam, jump!

SGT. MOONEY (OFFSCREEN):

Go Marilyn, go!

[frog croaking]

-Go Marilyn, go!

[frog croaking]

-Marilyn?

That's the enemy.

-Look Mr. Wilson!

They like each other!

-Oh, for Pete's sake.

-Jump Sam!

Please jump!

[gasps]

-My goodness!

-My B .

- feet, nine and

one half inches!

-Jump Marilyn, jump!

[frog croaking]

-Marilyn!

-I'm afraid Sergeant Mooney,

your time is almost up.

-Oh Marilyn!

Come on, Marilyn!

-Five, four, three.

SGT. MOONEY

(OFFSCREEN): Marilyn!

-Two.

The winner and

new champion, Sam!

-We did it, Mr. Wilson!

We did it!

[cheers]

-Oh congratulations!

[interposing voices]

-Friends, friends, ladies

and gentlemen, refreshments

will be served at

the picnic grounds.

-Oh good.

-Sam sure did it,

didn't she Dad?

-She sure did, son.

-Sa-- Sa?

[frog croaking]

-Jeepers, look!

-It looks like love

at first sight.

-Well, if they think I'm gonna

support the both of them,

they're crazy.

-Sergeant Mooney,

since Sam's a girl,

your frog Marilyn must be a boy.

-That's right, Dennis.

That's why Sam got so

excited and jumped so far.

-Yeah.

Stabbed in the back

by my own frog.

-Well, Mooney?

-All right.

, , , , .

And I hope I have the

pleasure of giving you

your next parking ticket!

-Well Dennis, for

your college fund.

-Jeepers, thanks, Mr. Wilson.

Frog jumping sure pays!

-It certainly does, Dennis.

-Why now just a

darn minute, doc!

-You took all the rest

of Mr. Wilson's money!

-That's right.

Those B sh*ts

come high, George.

-Oh, good grief!

[theme music]