[frog croaking]
-Jeepers, Sam!
Wait for me!
Hey Mom, have you
seen the tape measure?
-No I haven't, dear.
-You know something?
Sam's been jumping like crazy!
-[screams]
[dish breaking]
-Dennis Mitchell!
-I'm sorry!
Boy, you really did
it this time, Sam.
-What'd you do now?
Dennis, what have you
been told about keeping
that frog in the house?
-Dad, Sam was just practicing
jumping inside today
on account of the grass was wet.
You wouldn't want good old
Sam to catch pneumonia.
-Dennis.
-Or even the rheumatism
like Grandma gets.
-Young man, if I catch that
frog in this house once more,
Sam will not be in
the frog jumping
contest tomorrow afternoon.
Now is that clear?
-Sure, Dad.
But what if it rains
some more outside?
-I'll loan Sam my umbrella.
Rheumatism like Grandma gets.
-That child!
Henry, when you
were a little boy,
did you try to sneak
frogs into the house?
-Of course not, Alice.
I went in for lizards.
[dish breaking]
[theme music]
-Martha, listen to this.
It says, "And to top
off the festivities,
of the hoppingest
frogs in captivity
will compete for the gold cup
in the Mark Twain frog jumping
contest." [laughs] I
ask you, how ridiculous
can the human race get?
-Yes, George.
-Hi, Mr. Wilson.
-Oh, hello Dennis.
-I just wanted to
talk to you about Sam.
[frog croaks]
-[gasps] Oh Dennis!
-Jeepers, I'm sorry.
But Sam won't hurt you.
Would you, Sam?
[frog croaks]
-Well, just, just get that,
that beast out of here.
[frog croaks]
-Sam's not a beast, Mr. Wilson.
Dad says Sam's a reptile.
-Well, I don't care if Sam is
Prince Charming in disguise.
Now just take your slimy
little friend and depart.
-Mr. Wilson?
Will you be partners
with me and Sam
in the frog jumping contest?
--[laughs] I stopped
jumping years ago, Dennis.
-Oh, Sam will do
all the jumping.
All we gotta do is keep her
happy and jumping her best.
We found out Sam's
a girl, you know.
-Now what has that got
to do with anything?
-Well, I'll show you.
Two, four, six,
[clears throat] eight, , .
Good old Sam jumps over
feet without even trying.
-Dennis, I wouldn't be impressed
if good old Sam jumped feet,
one and a half inches with
one foot tied behind her back
and wearing high heels!
[doorbell rings]
-Who is that?
Oh, why Sergeant Mooney!
What are you doing--
-Hello, George.
I guess you know why I'm here.
-Well n-no!
I haven't done--
-Here's your ticket.
-Ticket?
Now look here, Mooney.
I haven't--
-Tickets to the annual
policemen's ball.
-Oh, those tickets.
Well, good grief.
How many of those annual
affairs do you fellows
have a year anyway?
-Oh, come now, George.
You know we only have
one annual policemen's
ball every six months. [laughs]
-Bah.
-Hi, Sergeant Mooney.
Have you met Sam yet?
She's gonna win the frog
jumping contest tomorrow.
-Oh now Dennis, I don't
want to disillusion you.
But my frog Marilyn has
the cup practically won.
-Mooney, don't tell
me you're entering
a frog in that silly content.
-I certainly am!
And do you know how far Marilyn
can jump? [laughs] feet,
six inches!
-The idea of a grown
man-- wait a minute!
Did you say feet, six inches?
-Well jeepers, Sergeant Mooney.
Sam can jump--
-Eh, Dennis.
Eh, uh come in, Mooney.
[laughs] You know,
it just so happens
that Dennis and
I have a frog who
isn't too bad at
jumping herself.
-Jeepers, Mr. Wilson!
You mean you're gonna
be my partner after all?
-I do, Dennis.
-Oh boy!
-And you think that frog
can b*at my Marilyn, huh?
-Well, sure she will.
Why, Sam can jump--
-Would you like to make a
small friendly wager, Mooney?
-Shall we say $ ?
-Shall we say $ ?
-But Mr. Wilson!
-Please Dennis!
Qui-- we're talking!
-I'll gladly make it $ .
-$ .
-$ !
-Now wait!
You're betting me
$ that your frog
will outjump our frog tomorrow?
-Indeed I am, my
chubby little friend!
-It's a wager.
-Oh George, there's one
thing that bothers me.
-Oh?
What's that?
-Your $ is just
liable to put me
in a higher income
tax bracket! [laughs]
-[mocking laugh] Yourself!
-Come on, Mr. Wilson.
We've gotta get Sam's
morning practice in.
-I'll be right out, Dennis.
-Oh, Mr. Wilson?
Bring the tape measure and
I'll go get the rubbing alcohol
and we'll meet at my place.
-All right, Dennis.
-George?
Don't you think $ is a little
high for a friendly wager?
-Well, yes it is, Martha dear.
Except for one thing.
I can't lose!
[laughs]
[frog croaking]
- feet, eight inches!
-Sam, that's the
best you've done yet!
[frog croaking]
-Dennis, remember what
I told you about Sam
being out of the contest if
she gets in the house again.
-OK, Dad.
-Out of the contest?
Oh Mitchell, you wouldn't think
of doing a thing like that,
would you?
-Well, I'm afraid I'd
have to, Mr. Wilson.
Both Sam and Dennis have been
warned several times already.
-Well, let's let Sam
have a rest, Dennis.
We don't want to get
that marvelous little
jumping machine over-trained.
-OK, Mr. Wilson.
I'll give Sam a rubdown and
let her have her morning nap.
- feet, eight inches!
[laughs] Oh, I can't wait to see
the expression on Mooney's face
tomorrow when Sam goes soaring
into the wild blue yonder.
-I've been thinking, Mr. Wilson.
How about you and me and
Sam getting sweatshirts
to wear with Sam's name
stenciled on the back?
-Well Dennis, I
somehow doubt that we
could find a sweatshirt
small enough for Sam.
-Well then maybe we could
take a little white sock and--
[frog croaking]
-Sam, come back here!
I better get Sam before
Mom and Dad see her!
-Why certainly.
We don't want
anything to happen now
that we're this close
to victory, Dennis.
Oh, here's Sam's box.
Now you find her
and keep her in it.
-OK, Mr. Wilson.
But if you hear a loud
scream, we're in trouble!
-Hello?
Mr. Wilson?
This is Dennis.
I can't find Sam anywhere!
-Oh now Dennis, Sam must be
around that house somewhere.
-I know!
But I can't look good because
Mom and Dad are hanging around.
And if they catch Sam in the
house again, neither of us
will be allowed to be
in the contest tomorrow.
-All right, Dennis.
You sit tight.
I'll be right over.
-Oh Martha?
-Yes, dear?
-Martha, we've got to get over
to the Mitchells' right away.
-Oh dear, is something wrong?
-You can say that again.
I've got to help Dennis find his
frog before Alice or Mitchell
do, or we're out of
that contest tomorrow.
-Oh George, wait a second.
We can't go bursting in
on the Mitchells now.
It's lunch time!
-Do you want to see Mooney
win my $ by forfeit?
-But why in heaven's
name must I go with you?
-Well, because it'll look
less suspicious that way.
While they're talking to
you, I can look around.
-George, I refuse!
Why, those people are probably
eating lunch this very minute.
-All right, Martha.
All right.
I just hope you'll be able
to live with your conscience
if they end up having
frog legs for dinner!
-Dennis, wash your hands, dear.
Lunch is almost ready.
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): OK Mom!
[doorbell rings]
-Henry, would you get
the front door, please?
-Sure, honey.
Why, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson.
This is a surprise.
-Hello, Mitchell.
-Well, come on in.
-Thank you.
Thank you, Mitchell.
-We can only stay
a minute, Henry.
-Uh, won't you sit down?
-Eh, oh yes.
[laughs nervously]
Thanks, Mitchell.
-Uh, I'll go get Alice.
-Ah. [laughs] Here Sam!
Sam!
Here Sam!
-George Wilson, I've
never been so embarrassed
in my whole life.
-Martha, why don't you go
out and look in the kitchen?
-I'll do no such thing!
-Well Henry, I can't!
I only have enough tuna
fish for the three of us.
-Well, well, can't you add
some water to it or something?
-Oh you!
-Here Sam!
Here Sam!
Did you find her yet, Dennis?
-No.
But I found an ice skate
that I thought I lost.
-Oh fine.
Well, you keep looking up there.
I'll look down here.
-OK.
Mr. Wilson?
Don't bother with the closet.
The door was shut.
-Here Sam!
Here Sam!
-Hello, Mr. Wilson.
-Uh, oh!
Hello, Alice.
I was just admiring
your new drapes.
-New?
-[laughs]
-Uh, oh Mrs. Wilson.
How nice.
-Hello, Alice.
-Well, Martha and I just thought
we'd drop over and say hello.
Didn't we, Martha?
-Well, what a pleasant surprise.
You are staying to
lunch, of course?
-Thank you, Alice.
We just ate.
-Oh, uh yes.
We did.
-Oh, you did?
What a shame.
-Oh yes.
We're loaded with tuna fish.
-Will you excuse me?
I have to go into
the kitchen a moment.
-Martha, why don't you go
into the kitchen with Alice
and keep her company?
-That's a lovely idea.
Come ahead, Mrs. Wilson.
-Well, how's uh, Sam's
jumping coming along?
-Eh, oh!
Sam?
Uh, just fine!
I never noticed those cushions
were so nice and soft.
Eh, oh, I almost forgot.
Uh, I wonder if I
could borrow that pipe
wrench you keep out
in the garage, huh?
-Well, sure.
I'll go get it.
-Eh, oh fine, Mitchell.
Sam?
Sam!
Sam?
Here Sam!
[frog croaking]
-Here Sam!
[frog croaking]
-Sam?
Here Sam!
Sam!
Sam?
[frog croaking]
-Sam!
Come out from under there, Sam!
[frog croaking]
-Sam!
[frog croaking]
-Sam!
Please Sam?
-Mr. Wilson, what on Earth?
-Oh!
Oh Mitchell.
Uh, I, uh, oh I was just doing
a push up or two, you know.
Up down.
Yeah.
[laughs] Keeps my
good figure, you know.
-Oh.
Well, here it is.
-Oh, thank you, Mitchell.
Thank you. [laughs] My, this
is a fine one, isn't it?
-[laughs] Yes.
[frog croaking]
-Arp!
Practicing frog sounds.
-Well, you're certainly
getting good at it.
-Yes, I am.
Aren't I?
[frog croaking]
-Arp.
Oh, Mitchell, uh, uh, that isn't
an ink stain on the rug, is it?
-An ink spot?
Where?
-Right over there!
[frog croaking]
-Well, I don't see any ink spot.
-Well, I must be--
[frog croaking]
-Urp!
Running along. [laughs]
-What's so funny, Mr. Wilson?
-Oh, I uh, something tickled me.
I mean, I remembered
a joke I just heard.
Tell Martha I'll
see her at home.
Sam, stop that!
-Oh uh, Mr. Wilson?
-Oh!
Oh yes, Mitchell?
-I'm certainly glad that you
found the frog before Alice
and I did.
-Uh, uh.
-[laughing]
-Oh, for Pete's sake!
-[laughing]
-Eight feet, two
and a half inches.
Well, what's wrong
with you, Sam?
[frog croaking]
-Aren't you feeling good, Sam?
[frog croaking]
-Maybe she started jumping
too soon after eating.
-Oh, this is no laughing
matter, Mitchell.
Why, this morning she was
making feet every time.
Now she can't even
jump eight, six.
-I think good old Sam's sick.
She didn't even eat that
last bug I gave her.
Are you sick, Sam?
[frog croaking]
-Yep, she's sick all right.
-Well, we better do
something, and fast.
-When did she have her
last complete physical?
-That's it!
We'll take Sam to Mr.
Wiggins, the veterinarian.
-No, Wiggins is out
of town, Dennis.
-Then we'll take her to
good old Dr. Johnson.
He can make anybody well.
-I'm afraid Dr. Johnson only
administers to people, Dennis.
-That's all right.
Sam doesn't mind going to a
people doctor, do you Sam?
[frog croaking]
-See?
Come on, Mr. Wilson.
I'll go get her box.
-Oh, good grief.
There must be an easier
way to make $ , Mitchell.
-Now then, which one
is sick and which one
came along for the ride?
-Oh, we're not
sick, Dr. Johnson.
But we got a sick friend who--
-Dennis, please.
Now just let me do this.
-Sick friend?
Well, why didn't you say so?
I'll get my bag.
-Oh, well you see, doc, we,
we brought the friend with us.
-You did?
-It's our frog, Sam.
-Dennis, please.
Uh, now you see, doc--
-It's your what?
-It's our frog.
Sam!
-George Wilson, if this
is your idea of a joke--
-Oh, this is no
joke, Dr. Johnson.
Sam's sick.
And the jumping
contest is tomorrow.
-And we had no one else
we could turn to, doc.
-Now listen here, George--
-Please Dr. Johnson.
How'd you like to
be a sick frog?
-At times I'd prefer it
to being a well doctor.
Now I'm very sorry.
-You mean you're
turning us down, doc?
-George Wilson, I did
not go through four years
of medical school and
two years of interning
and odd years
of general practice
to administer medicine
to a sick frog.
-Come along, Sam.
-Thank you, doctor.
-Now George, what do
I know about frogs?
-Gosh, Dr. Johnson.
I thought an
honest-to-goodness doctor
could help anything
that was sick.
-Bring him over here, Dennis.
-Jeepers!
Thanks, Dr. Johnson!
-Thank you, doc.
-All right.
Say aah.
What am I saying?
-Say aah, Sam.
[frog croaking]
-Is that good enough?
-Oh, that's Jim dandy, Dennis.
Hmm.
-Aren't you gonna
listen to Sam's chest?
-Oh Dennis, please!
-No George.
Dennis has a point.
His heart's as
steady as my watch.
All right, turn
him over and let's
take a look at the rest of him.
Hmm.
-Aren't you gonna tap Sam's
knee with a little hammer?
-His reflexes seem
just fine, Dennis.
Why break his leg?
[sighs] I don't know.
He seems all right.
-Well, what do we do now, doc?
-Well, if he had
health insurance,
I could throw him
into the hospital
for a thorough examination.
Here.
I'll uh, give him a
sh*t of B , George.
And that's about
the best I can do.
-Will it hurt, doctor?
-Oh, of course not, Dennis.
-Don't look, Sam.
-You know you two,
I've been thinking.
Now I'm not much of
an authority on frogs,
but it is getting
close to spring.
Maybe Sam would
feel a lot better
if he had a real
nice girlfriend.
-But jeepers, Dr. Johnson!
Sam is a girl!
-Hmm?
Where's her hair ribbon?
-Doc, are you saying
that all this creature
needs is a little
companionship and she'll
jump like her old self again?
-Well, spring is in the air.
-Come on, Mr. Wilson!
I know a muddy swamp
where I bet you there
are loads of boy frogs!
-Oh, joy.
-How are you, Mr. Wilson?
-How am I?
Mitchell, do you know that I
was wading in McCutcheon's Creek
until three o'clock
this morning catching
these confounded frogs?
And now, ah, ah, achoo!
-God bless you.
-Thank you, Mitchell.
And now that silly frog
of Dennis' won't even
look at them.
And you just know that one
of these frogs must be a boy!
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Hey, Mr. Wilson!
Look!
-Oh goody, another frog.
-I borrowed him from a
friend of Tommy's, and he
says this is a
boy frog for sure.
Here's another little
friend for you, Sam.
[frog croaking]
-Sam?
-Well, look at that, will you?
All she does is sit with
her nose in the corner.
-I guess Sam wants to pick out
her own boyfriend, Mr. Wilson.
-Seems Sam is a girl
with a mind of her own.
-Oh, I can just hear Mooney
laughing like a jackass
when he counts my $ .
-Mr. Wilson, it's only
two hours til the contest.
We gotta do something.
-Well, what do you
suggest, Dennis?
-Maybe Dr. Johnson will
give Sam some more B .
-All right, Dennis.
Call him up.
Oh, and Dennis?
-Yes?
-Have the doctor send an
extra sh*t of B for me.
-And now, for the grand finals
of our annual Mark Twain frog
jumping contest.
The winners of the
semifinal heats
were, on my right, Marilyn,
trained by police sergeant
Ralph Mooney, with a best jump
today of feet, eight inches.
[applause]
-And on my left, Sam, trained
by Dennis Mitchell and George
Wilson, with a best jump today
of eight feet, seven inches.
[applause]
-Oh dear, I'm afraid Sam
doesn't stand much of a chance.
-I can't understand it.
The silly creature has enough
B in her to go to the moon.
-Get ready, please.
Gentlemen and frogs,
are you ready?
[frog croaking]
-Sam's ready!
-Hey you know, George,
I've been thinking.
Just to make it a
little more fair,
maybe I ought to make
Marilyn jump backwards.
[laughs]
-[mocking laugh] Very funny.
-Quiet please.
All right, Sam,
Marilyn, or vice versa.
Get on your mark, get set,
and may the best frog win.
[starting p*stol]
-Jump Sam, jump!
-Go Marilyn go!
[frog croaking]
DENNIS (OFFSCREEN):
Jump Sam, jump!
SGT. MOONEY (OFFSCREEN):
Go Marilyn, go!
[frog croaking]
-Go Marilyn, go!
[frog croaking]
-Marilyn?
That's the enemy.
-Look Mr. Wilson!
They like each other!
-Oh, for Pete's sake.
-Jump Sam!
Please jump!
[gasps]
-My goodness!
-My B .
- feet, nine and
one half inches!
-Jump Marilyn, jump!
[frog croaking]
-Marilyn!
-I'm afraid Sergeant Mooney,
your time is almost up.
-Oh Marilyn!
Come on, Marilyn!
-Five, four, three.
SGT. MOONEY
(OFFSCREEN): Marilyn!
-Two.
The winner and
new champion, Sam!
-We did it, Mr. Wilson!
We did it!
[cheers]
-Oh congratulations!
[interposing voices]
-Friends, friends, ladies
and gentlemen, refreshments
will be served at
the picnic grounds.
-Oh good.
-Sam sure did it,
didn't she Dad?
-She sure did, son.
-Sa-- Sa?
[frog croaking]
-Jeepers, look!
-It looks like love
at first sight.
-Well, if they think I'm gonna
support the both of them,
they're crazy.
-Sergeant Mooney,
since Sam's a girl,
your frog Marilyn must be a boy.
-That's right, Dennis.
That's why Sam got so
excited and jumped so far.
-Yeah.
Stabbed in the back
by my own frog.
-Well, Mooney?
-All right.
, , , , .
And I hope I have the
pleasure of giving you
your next parking ticket!
-Well Dennis, for
your college fund.
-Jeepers, thanks, Mr. Wilson.
Frog jumping sure pays!
-It certainly does, Dennis.
-Why now just a
darn minute, doc!
-You took all the rest
of Mr. Wilson's money!
-That's right.
Those B sh*ts
come high, George.
-Oh, good grief!
[theme music]
03x18 - Frog Jumping Contest
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Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.
Follows the Mitchell family – Henry, Alice, and their only child, Dennis, an energetic, trouble-prone, mischievous, but well-meaning boy, who often tangles first with his peace-and-quiet-loving neighbor, George Wilson, a retired salesman, and later with George's brother John, a writer.