03x31 - Dennis and the Dodger

[bunniefuu]

-Hey Mom, Dad,

guess what I found.

-We give up.

What?

-My toy bugle that

I thought I lost.

[playing bugle] I

wonder how it ever got

lost way up on the top

shelf of the linen closet.

[playing bugle]

-I wonder.

-Well, if you're so smart why

don't you hide it next time?

[playing bugle]

[theme music]

-There you are Mrs.

Wilson, pounds of sulfur

and a gallon of

black strap molasses.

-Well that ought to be

enough to last George

while he's on his trip.

He wouldn't think of

going through the spring

without being fortified

by sulfur and molasses.

-My dear old mother

used to say there's

nothing better as

a spring tonic.

-Oh, do you take it too?

-Me?

Frankly, it's all I

can do to sell it.

-Just put this on our bill.

I better get back

and help George pack.

-Thank you Mrs.

Wilson and call again.

-Hi Mrs. Wilson.

-Hi Mrs. Wilson.

-Oh, hello boys.

-Hi Mr. Quigley.

-Dennis.

-I've got a grocery

list here somewhere

that my mom wants you to fill.

-Has Mr. Wilson left

on his trip yet?

-No, he's leaving

this afternoon.

-We sure are going to

miss good old Mr. Wilson.

We were counting on him to

coach our baseball team again

this year.

-Yeah.

Now we're going to have

to find somebody else.

Dennis's dad can't do it because

he'll be out of town too much

of the season.

-Did you ask Mr. Schneider?

-You mean over at Schneider's

Market across the street?

-Yes.

-Schneider?

Why him of all people?

-George says he was a very good

baseball player in high school.

He thought he'd be a

good coach for the boys.

Well, goodbye.

-Bye Mrs. Wilson.

What do you think Tommy?

Should we go ask Mr. Schneider?

-Sure.

He's a nice guy.

-OK, come on.

-Just a minute

Dennis, uh-- don't you

want me to fill that

grocery list for you?

-Thanks just the

same Mr. Quigley,

but we'll get Mr.

Schneider to fill it out

while we talk to

him about baseball.

Come on, Tommy.

-Well, wait a minute now.

As a matter of fact, I

used to be quite a baseball

player myself.

-You're kidding.

-Did you really Mr. Quigley?

-As good as Mr. Schneider?

-Schneider.

If I couldn't play baseball

as good as Sam Schneider

I'd-- say, did I ever tell

you about the time I stretched

a bunt into a home run?

-Gosh, no.

How'd you do that?

-Well I-- let me have

that grocery list Dennis,

and I'll tell you

while I'm filling it.

My, this is a nice order.

One dozen eggs--

-Go on Mr. Quigley.

Tell us how you did it.

-Yeah.

How'd you stretch a

bunt into a home run?

-Well, I was mighty fast.

-Boy, you must have been.

-Let's see-- two quarts

of milk and two boxes

of vanilla wafers.

-Hey don't change the subject.

-Yeah.

How'd you make a

home run a bunt?

-Well I put a little

English on the bunt, see.

And before the pitcher could get

to it veered off toward third.

-Boy.

-Before the third baseman

could get his hands on it

I was around second.

And the first baseman

called, throw the ball to me.

-Why did the first

baseman want the ball

if you were already at second?

-Well, I went past first so

fast that he didn't even see me.

By the time the third baseman

threw the ball to first

I was heading for home

in a cloud of dust.

-What happened after that?

-Nothing.

After that, whenever

I ran the bases

they called the game

on account of dust.

-Otis, you must be

out of your mind

thinking you can

coach a baseball team.

-Oh now Dolly.

-Of all the crazy ideas,

this takes the cake.

You don't know a

thing about coaching.

-Well I can learn, can't I?

After all, ten

years ago you said

I didn't know anything about

running a grocery store.

-Ten years ago?

I said that ten minutes ago.

-Now honey bun, listen to me.

I couldn't very well let them

go to Schneider's, could I?

First thing you know he'd

have them all as customers.

-Another thing--

if they pick you,

who's going to mind the store

while you're out coaching.

-Well I thought maybe you would.

-Oh, goody.

In addition to the cooking,

the scrubbing, the mending,

the cleaning, the washing,

the ironing, the gardening,

you're going to let me

take care of the store.

Lucky me.

-Now honey bun, think

what this will mean to us.

On the back of every

one of those t-shirts

I'll have Quigley's Market.

Now there are nine

boys on every team

and they each have

two parents and they

have sisters and brothers

and uncles and aunts

and they all eat food.

And with me as coach

who do you think

they're going to buy it from?

-Well don't be

disappointed if they

get smart and don't ask you.

-I'm as good as elected.

[doorbell] Oh.

-Well, boys come on in.

[interposing voices]

-Hi you boys.

-Well gentlemen, to what do I

owe the honor of this visit?

-Mr. Quigley, we've

elected you to be

coach of the pee

wee baseball team.

-Do you hear that Dolly?

Isn't that nice.

-Lovely.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll

let you boys talk baseball.

-All right.

What do you say Mr. Quigley?

Will you be our coach?

-In the words of

that great patriot

Cincinnatus, "I defer

to the will of destiny."

-What'd he say?

-Sounds like he's going

to coach for Cincinnati.

-Oh, no, no.

That means I accept.

-Oh, boy!

-(CHANTING) Two, four, six,

eight, who do we appreciate?

Coach Quigley!

Yay!

-Gentlemen, if we can get

Sandy Koufax to cooperate,

it'll be the biggest thing

that's happened to our town

since William Gibbs McAdoo

lost his hat in our hotel check

room.

Now the question is, who do

we get to contact Mr. Koufax?

As I see it--

[buzzer]

-Yes, Luella?

-(ON SPEAKER) Mr. Otis

Quigley's here to see you, sir.

-Oh, send him right in.

You know Otis Quigley-- big

help to me in my last campaign.

[knocking]

-Come in!

-Good morning, mayor.

Gentlemen.

-Good morning Otis.

-Oh, I hope I'm not

interrupting anything.

-Not at all Otis.

What's on your mind?

-Well, our team in

the pee wee league

has elected me their coach.

-Really?

Congratulations.

-Thank you.

And so as coach,

I've come down here

to see what the city

can do about giving them

some new uniforms.

-Well now Otis, as

much as we'd like

to help there isn't

anything in the city

budget for pee wee

baseball uniforms.

-After all, Mr. Mayor, these

boys are our future leaders.

Every one of them a prospective

customer-- uh, voter.

-You've got a point there Otis.

Tell you what-- Sandy Koufax is

coming to town for a few days.

-Sandy who?

-Sandy Koufax, a famous

pitcher with the Dodgers.

He's arriving tomorrow

to visit his aunt.

-Really?

-Yes.

And I had the idea

to-- [coughing] Lloyd

and I had the idea to contact

Mr. Koufax about getting

the Dodgers to play an

exhibition game in the spring

right here in our own town.

-Why Mr. Mayor-- and Lloyd.

That's a wonderful idea.

-Yes.

And I'll make you a

proposition, Otis.

-I'll see what I can do about

getting uniforms for the pee

wees if you'll

contact Mr. Koufax

and sell him on this

exhibition game idea.

-You bet I will.

-And another thing,

I'll make you

chairman of the

welcoming committee

if the Dodgers come to town.

-You'd do that?

-Right.

-Mayor, I compliment

you on your choice.

And believe me, as coach

of our pee wee team,

I'm eminently qualified for

this important assignment.

-Fine, Otis.

We're depending on you.

Here's his aunt's address

where he'll be staying.

-Thank you.

And don't you worry

about a thing.

I'll get on just

dandy with Sandy.

Dandy with Sandy, oh.

All right now, stand right

up straight there fellas.

OK, let me through here.

That's it.

Close right in.

I'll stand over here by Dennis.

All right.

Ready for the picture.

-For heaven's sakes Mr. Quigley.

Turn them around so I

can see their faces.

-Oh, well all right fellas.

Turn around.

Here, here-- that's it.

All right, sh**t.

-Well that was fine.

I'll get some more sh*ts

when you're in action.

-Good.

-When will the picture be

in the paper Mr. Quigley?

-Well Dennis, what

difference does it make?

-It'll be in tomorrow

evening's addition, Dennis.

-Not til then?

-That's right.

-Oh.

Well, all right boys,

let's get at it.

Tommy you catch and

Dennis you come with me.

Everybody warm up now.

Now let's go.

[boys yelling]

-All right now Dennis.

I want you to show me how

you throw a good curve ball.

-One curve ball coming up.

-All right.

-Ready Tommy?

-Yep!

-Wait a minute, Dennis.

No, you can't get any power

into a pitch without a wind up.

-You can't?

-Certainly not.

Now here, here, let me show you.

That's right, you

stand right over there.

All right Tommy.

A fast one right over the plate.

-I'll put on my spacesuit

and go after that one.

-Well I-- I'm a little wild

yet, I haven't warmed up.

But that just shows you the

value of early spring training.

Here, here.

You know how to do it now.

Let me see you try it.

Here you are.

Here's the ball.

-I didn't think pitchers

wound up like this anymore.

-Excuse me but I

think he's right.

He'll just wear

himself out like that.

-Is that so?

-What do you know

about pitching?

-Well, I know I've got

a lot to learn but--

-I should say you have.

Now let me tell you

something, sport.

I'm the coach here and I don't

need help from every Tom,

d*ck, and Harry that

wanders in here.

Now, you go on about

your own business.

If you've got any.

-Hey, aren't you Sandy Koufax?

-That's right.

-He, Sandy Koufax-- you--

-(YELLING) Hey guys!

It's Sandy Koufax, the

pitcher for the Dodgers!

-Holy mackerel,

now I've done it.

[cheering]

-Hey Mr. Koufax!

How many games are you going

to win this year, twenty?

-I think he can win thirty!

-Hey, take it easy.

-Can I have your

autograph, Mr. Koufax?

-Why don't you call me Sandy.

-How about autographing my

baseball [inaudible], Sandy.

-I'll be glad to.

-How long are you going

to be around here Sandy?

-Oh, just for a few days.

-Hey, if you're going be

around for a while, how

about giving us some

pointers on baseball?

-Yeah, we sure could

do with a coach

who knows what it's all about.

-How about it, Sandy?

Will you coach us?

-I'll be happy to.

It'll give me a chance

to work out a little.

-Oh boy.

We'll be a cinch to win the pee

wee league championship now.

-Sandy!

-Sandy.

-Hey Sandy.

How about a picture Sandy?

-Fine.

-Hey!

I want to be in it too!

-Well you can all be in it.

Let's go over there.

[cheering]

-But-- but after

all, I'm-- I'm--

-I guess I'm not

needed around here.

[whistle] And after

I'd insulted Koufax,

I couldn't very well

ask him for a favor.

-Well didn't you even

try to apologize?

-I didn't have a chance with

all that commotion going on.

Anyway, it wasn't my fault.

How'd I know it

was Sandy Koufax.

The mayor said he wouldn't

be in town til tomorrow.

-Well I told you not to believe

everything that mayor says.

-Dolly you should have seen

the way those boys crowded

around Sandy Koufax,

totally ignoring me.

And after I spent all that

money for those t-shirts.

-Yeah, first thing

you know Koufax

will open up a grocery store.

-Dolly don't say that.

I feel bad enough already.

Now I know how

Casey Stengel felt.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Yes, he's here.

It's the mayor, coach.

-How will I ever

explain this to him?

Hello your honor.

-Otis.

I just heard that Sandy

Koufax is already in town.

-Yeah, I know.

-Well, did you speak to him?

-Yes I uh-- I spoke to him.

-Good.

What did he say?

-Well, things are kind of

up in the air at the moment.

-What do you mean?

-Well with all that commotion

going on, people milling around

and--

-Now Otis, don't

you goof on this.

We're depending on you

so get on the ball.

Did you get it Otis?

I'm talking about baseball

and I say, get on the ball.

Pretty funny, ay Otis?

-Oh, yes Mr. Mayor.

That's very funny,

very-- goodbye.

Dolly, help me.

What am I going to do?

-Stop blubbering and go

apologize to the man.

-Well, I guess I'll have to.

If I don't get

Koufax's cooperation,

I won't be head of that

welcoming committee

if the Dodgers do come to town.

The mayor gave me his address.

I'll go talk to Koufax

right after dinner.

-That's a good idea.

-Say, wait a minute.

Why don't we ask

him here for dinner?

-No, forget it.

Tonight's no night to

have a Dodger here.

-Why not?

-You know what we're having?

Yankee Pot Roast.

-Oh, you're as

funny as the mayor.

[doorbell]

-Good evening.

Is uh, Sandy Koufax

staying here?

-Yes, I'm his aunt Harriet.

-Oh, I'm delighted to meet you.

I'm Otis Quigley.

I wonder if I might see Sandy.

-Well, he's shaving right now

but he'll be out in a minute

if you care to wait.

-Oh, thank you.

-Won't you sit down?

-Oh, thank you.

-Oh, you're so nice and polite

you remind me of Hack Wilson.

Did you know Hack?

-Hack?

-Hack Wilson, power hitter

for the Chicago Cubs.

RBI champ, .

-RBI?

-Runs batted in.

Old Hack's got the

all-time record.

Knocked in in one season.

-Oh, oh that Hack.

-Boy, could he ever

suck that old apple.

He was one of the top of

all time home run hitters.

Banged out .

-Remarkable.

-And you say you never knew him.

-No, no, I didn't know him.

I'm very sorry.

-What do you want

to see Sandy about?

-Well Sandy and I had a little

misunderstanding this afternoon

and I came here to apologize.

-Oh, Sandy never holds a grudge.

He's the most generous,

forgiving boy in the world.

-Well, I'm certainly

glad to hear that.

It's very important that

Sandy and I get on good terms.

Is that his bat?

-That's my bat.

I swung a mean willow

in the old days.

-You mean, you played baseball?

-Played shortstop for the

Harrisburg Hurricanes,

semi-pro.

I hold a lifetime

batting average of .

-Oh, you mean softball.

-Softball.

What do you think I am, a sissy?

Hottest team in

southern Pennsylvania.

We had four nurses, two

manicurists, two mail order

secretaries, and

a lady blacksmith.

-Well, I was pretty good

with a bat once myself.

I remember one time I was

playing with my hometown team

and the tying run was at third

when I came to the plate.

The pitcher threw me a drop

but I was ready for it.

I watched the ball come nearer

and nearer and then I swung.

-Oh!

-Oh, no I'm terribly sorry!

-Now look what you've done!

Are you all right Sandy?

-Well at least it's not broken.

-Oh, I feel terrible about this.

Well thank heaven anyway

it's his left arm.

He can still pitch.

-Knucklehead!

Sandy's a southpaw!

-Oh!

-Sandy I'll rub that arm

down with some alcohol

and then I'll put

the heat lamp on.

[phone ringing]

-Hello?

Oh, just a minute.

Otis it's that yacky mayor.

-I'm not in.

-Oh he'll only call back.

MAYOR (ON PHONE): You

bet your life I will.

-Take over.

I have to go to the bank.

-Hello Mr. Mayor.

I just came in.

-Otis, what's this

I hear about you

insulting Sandy Koufax by

not even knowing who he was?

-Well Mr. Mayor, you see--

-You're darn tooting, I see.

I see I picked the

wrong man for the job.

-But Mr. Mayor.

-A famous personality comes

to visit our fair city

and-- and you insult him.

-I can explain if you'll

only listen to me.

-Quigley, I didn't get where

I am today by listening.

I should've known better

than to entrust you

with an important

civic responsibility.

And you can forget

about being chairman

of the welcoming committee.

I'll handle it myself.

-This is the blackest

day of my life.

-Hi Mr. Quigley.

-Hi Mr. Quigley.

-Hello Mitchell.

Well, Dennis I didn't

expect to see you

as long as Sandy

Koufax was in town.

-Dennis told me about that.

That's why we're

here to talk to you.

-Yes.

We missed you at

baseball practice.

-That's hard to believe Dennis.

Obviously with Koufax

here you don't need me.

-We do too need you Mr. Quigley.

Sandy's only going to

be here a few days.

Come out this afternoon,

will you please?

-Well--

-Dennis, why don't you run

on out to baseball practice

and let me talk to Mr. Quigley.

-OK.

But make him come, will you dad?

Even Sandy Koufax says

we've got to have a coach.

And if Mr. Quigley

doesn't show up

he'll send over

his aunt Harriet.

-His aunt?

Of all the nerve.

-Well after all Mr. Quigley, the

boys did elect you their coach.

I think you're

letting them down.

-I'm letting them down?

You didn't see them ignore me

to crowd around Sandy Koufax.

-Come on, Mr. Quigley.

How about it?

After all, Sandy'll only

be here for a short time

and then who's going

to coach the boys?

-Well, I'll have

to think it over.

-His aunt Harriet?

-I thought it over.

Let's go.

-Now, Dennis this

is the way you hold

the ball when you

throw a slider.

-Boy, I sure do

want to learn that.

-By the way Dennis, what

happened to Mr. Quigley?

I thought you were going to

bring him back with you today.

-Well, he says as long as we've

got you we don't need him.

-For once he's right.

-Watch it now, Rodney.

That's not nice.

Besides, you know I'm going

to leave in a few days.

-I feel like a fifth wheel

around here Mitchell.

-Nonsense, you're the main cog.

And I don't think you ought

to put off talking to Koufax.

-Oh, I don't want

to disturb him now.

I better wait til he's alone.

-Hi Mr. Quigley!

Boy, I'm glad you

decided to come.

You're just in time to help

us with batting practice.

-No, for the time being Dennis

I'm here merely as an observer.

-All right you guys, let's

sharpen up our batting eyes.

-Well burn my toast.

Is she taking over?

-Don't let her Mr. Quigley.

We don't want a woman

coaching us how to bat.

-I should say not.

-You'll get better

results son if you

choke your bat a little more.

-If you don't mind,

I'm the coach here.

-Is that so?

-Yes, that's so.

The trouble with you

Albert is that you're

choking the bat too much.

Hold it here and then

you'll get some real power

into your swing.

-Atta boy Mr. Quigley.

You show him.

-How about it Sandy?

You ready?

-OK Tommy.

Promised the boys

I'd pitch a few.

-I told them I'd umpire.

-Now look out.

You've got to get the bat

up high, up high like this.

Then you can get some

power when you swing.

Now look.

You fellas get over there

behind the backstop.

I'll show you what I mean.

If someone will

just throw me one.

-He will.

-Oh my gosh.

Dennis, you take this.

I don't feel like

swinging a bat today.

-Oh go on Mr. Quigley.

Hit a few.

-Well I-- I-- I--

-How can he show

anybody how to bat

when he falls apart

just standing there.

-Yeah he's supposed

to be our coach

and he's afraid to

bad against Sandy.

-He is not afraid.

Are you Mr. Quigley?

-No but, uh-- You can

k*ll me with that ball.

-Sandy, is there

do to make him look

good out there?

He's having a rough

time with the kids.

-Well he closes his eyes

every time he swings.

Maybe I can hit his bat.

I missed it.

-Poor guy, he's nervous.

The mayor asked

him to talk to you

about getting the Dodgers out

here for an exhibition game

and offered him the chairmanship

of the welcoming committee.

-Well, I'll try it again.

[cheering]

-Wow.

-Wow, that's a home run

in anybody's league!

-Boy, you were

great Mr. Quigley.

-Imagine getting a home

run off Sandy Koufax.

And I saw it coach.

-Oh it wasn't anything, really.

-Mr. Koufax!

I'm the mayor of our little

city and I want to welcome you.

-Well thank you sir.

-At the same time I want to

apologize for the miserable

treatment you received at the

hands of uh-- Quigley here.

-What do you mean mayor?

Mr. Quigley and I are friends.

-Oh-- oh you are?

-He just hit a

home run off of me.

One of the longest

I've ever seen.

-Oh, well I must have

been misinformed.

-Well that's not unusual.

-Mr. Koufax, the reason I'm

here is to ask you a favor.

Do you suppose you could get the

Dodgers to play an exhibition

game in our town next spring?

Well I think it's a

great idea and I'll

recommended it on one condition.

-Oh of course, of

course, what is it?

-That my good

friend, Mr. Quigley,

be made chairman of the

welcoming committee.

He's a real baseball

fan and he's

doing a great job

with these kids.

-Why sure thing, Mr. Koufax.

Otis, the whole kit and

kaboodle is in your hands.

-Oh really?

Thank you Mr. Mayor.

And Sandy, I want to apologize

for balling you out yesterday,

not to mention almost

knocking you out with the bat.

-Forget it, coach.

After being balled

out by Walter Alston

you sounded almost friendly.

Put her there.

-You bet I will.

-Boy, that's great.

Well, OK you guys.

Let's hear it for coach Quigley.

-(CHANTING) Two, four, six,

eight, who do we appreciate?

Coach Quigley, yay!

[theme music]

ANNOUNCER: This has been a

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from the Hollywood studios

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