01x10 - Idol Time at the Mall

[bunniefuu]

I'm feeling lucky.

What, did a customer die and

leave you their pickup truck?

Better than that.

Tomorrow, Star Contestis coming

to the mall to scout for talent.

Dude, that's the hottest

talent search in the country!

That's so exciting!

You have to sign up.

I'm glad you think so,

because I want you guys to

audition too.

Did someone spike your coffee

this morning?

Uh, Wyatt, we suck.

Yeah, have you heard Jonesy

sing?

He sounds like a dying moose.

Look, it doesn't matter.

Just go with me and try out.

No one says you have to be good.

[Groaning]

Come on, you guys.

I'll never be able to do this

alone.

I need you.

And I need a dad who lets me

borrow his Porsche.

But we don't always get what we

want.

It's actually good that you

suck.

You'll make me look better and

I'll have a better sh*t at

winning!

It's not going to happen.

Please!

I'll be indebted to you forever.

Okay, okay, I guess I can

humiliate myself for five

minutes.

You're the best.

A toast to Star Contest!

[Slurping]

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

Give me a lemonade.

Extra lemon.

Ahhh.

I was thinking last night, and I

have a question.

Why are we all working?

For money?

Right, it's like--

What is money, really?

Just this pretty paper stuff

that grows on trees.

Yeah, well you owe me fifteen

of those pretty little pieces of

paper, dude.

You owe me ten.

And you owe me six.

Plus two bucks for that

lemonade.

All good examples, dudes.

Just because some big suit at

some big bank says this piece of

paper is worth something, we use

it for currency.

Uh-huh.

These kabobs, for example,

have an accepted consumer value

of five dollars.

Right.

So, why can't we use kabobs

as currency in the mall?

I don't think Albatross and

Finch will accept kabobs in

exchange for capris.

[Snickering]: So I owe you

ten dollars, or these four tasty

chicken kabobs.

Ew, how long have these been

in your pocket?

A couple of hours.

Ew.

There you go.

Six dollars paid in full.

I am not putting those in my

purse.

How much do I own you guys?

Forget it, dude!

No!

Thanks for helping me with my

song.

I love the new bridge.

And I owe you big-time for

staying up all night with me.

Does your stomach feel kind

of raunchy and, oh, my scalp is

really itchy, and my fingers are

kind of tingly...

You're not really much of a

coffee drinker, are you?

No, why do you say that?

Is it because I'm a Pisces?

I don't wear a wig...

Have some water and calm

down.

Yeah good call.

I'm really nervous about this

audition thing.

What if they don't like me?

You've been singing since the

fourth grade.

You're a natural.

I hope so.

Let's get out of here.

[Fast]: Yeah, I've got to get

some sleep, 'cause night is only

so long and when it's over,

there's daytime and your face

seems very, very vivid to me

right now!

Hmmm.

What are you doing?

Making sure every Stick-It is

the same exact mass.

Hmm.

I've got to hand it to you: you

take weirdness to an entirely

new level.

Dude, this is currency.

It has to be exact.

Do you really think people

are going to use this instead of

money.

Sure, wallets will have to

change, but without change,

we can't advance as a society.

Okay, I'm going back to the

real world.

Later, bro.

Mmm.

The Star Contest auditions

will begin as soon as everyone

is registered.

Check one, two, test, test--

'Sup, homes.

Yo man, I ain't gonna front.

You need to chill.

You feelin' me?

Jonesy, can you just give me

some space?

I'm trying to get ready.

You better back up.

You know what I'm saying?

I wasn't even at the club.

Shizzle.

What?

Don't hate!

Let a playa play.

Hey, there's my homegirl!

Step off, little woof-woof.

Come on, girl, where's the

love?

[Groaning]

Dang, girl!

This ain't an audition for an

ugly commercial.

Ugh, I drank too much coffee

with Wyatt after work.

No sleep.

I shouldn't have let you

drink all that coffee.

Why don't you crash out on the

sofa at the store.

No no no, I'm going to be all

right.

[Snoring]

All right, it's time for the

official Star Contest

auditions!

[Cheering]

[Clearing throat]

Next.

[Crowd gasping]

♪ Don't you stand all the

things I got ♪

♪ I'm just Jenny from the

Penalty Box ♪

♪ Never had a job, now I'm

working overtime ♪

♪ Want to get to know me, better

get in line ♪

[British accent]: That is

awful, just awful.

Thank you!

♪ Listen up, G, got something to

say ♪

♪ Gonna break it down now like a

pow wow, a big bow wow ♪

♪ Yo, don't eat my chow

♪ You like my ring, check out my

bling ♪

♪ I'm doing my thing and the

bell's going to ring ♪

♪ School's out, sucka

Ahhh!

Ding dong, get off my stage.

Next.

[Tapping]

♪ Schnitzel, hausen

♪ Strike it with a hammer

♪ Metal on metal in the

auto part ♪

♪ Hasselhoff on scuba, hit me,

hit me, uh-huh ♪

[Groaning]

♪ Baby, I maxed out your card

♪ Shopping for shoes, I've been

shopping so hard ♪

Next!

♪ Thank god it's Friday

♪ It's time to party

♪ Don't start without me

♪ Pump it up

♪ Everybody say, "Hey boys"

Ugh, what am I doing here.

Good question.

Next!

[Scratching and techno]

Yes, hello, are there any

lyrics?

♪ Du-hu-hu-hude

Next!

Is that it, then?

You forgot Wyatt Williams!

Get out there.

[Cheering]

All right.

Make it quick!

You can do it, buddy!

Totally.

♪ My friends will always be

around ♪

♪ If they sold coolness by the

pound, they'd all be stinkin'

rich ♪

♪ Staying at the Ritz

♪ Guaranteed to get you hoppin'

♪ Need some clothes, they'll

take you shopping ♪

♪ Or hang out just like this

♪ Oh yeah

♪ Who knows what the future's

going to bring? ♪

♪ I don't know much but I'll

tell you one thing - I can

depend on my friends ♪

♪ For everything - don't matter

where or when ♪

♪ Through anything, right to the

end, I can depend on my friends

[Cheering]

HOST: Finally, someone with

an ounce of real talent.

The lyrics could use some work,

but you've got a great voice.

Ladies and gentlemen, I think we

have a winner.

[Cheering]

[Snoring]

Slide over, Sleeping Ugly.

Look who's come back to the

'hood.

I just hope you'll invite us to

all your parties when you're

famous.

Yeah yeah.

I just can't believe they picked

me.

It's all thanks to you guys.

Woohoo.

So, what's next?

Tonight I get to open for

Utility Pole.

Sweet!

[Gasping]: They're awesome!

And I got you all front row

tickets.

All right!

We'll be there.

I knew I could count on you.

If I see at least five friendly

faces in the audience, I think I

can do this.

[Breathing nervously]

You'll be fine.

Piece of cake!

Yo Wyatt, good luck out

there!

Excuse me, only talent

back here.

And if memory serves, you're not

in danger of falling into that

category.

You're on in ten.

You - out!

Now!

[Girls screaming]

JONESY: Hmm.

I've got a bottle of water that

Wyatt drank from here!

Ten bucks.

BOY: I'll buy it, I'll buy

it!

Hurry up!

We're going to miss Wyatt's gig!

[Rubber screeching]

KATE: No way!

Albatross and Finch never have

sales!

They don't have to.

We don't have time for this.

Seventy-five seconds, I

promise.

I can do huge damage in under

two minutes.

Welcome to Albatross and

Finch.

Oh...

Hey.

I guess we could go in for a

minute.

You'll be fine!

WYATT: Where is everybody.

[Gasping] Boy cut underwear,

two-for-one!

Sorry man, I only take cash.

I'll sell you my shirt for

three Stick-Its and a burger.

You got a deal!

They say you shed forty

pounds of skin in your lifetime,

so you will literally be taking

home a piece of Wyatt when you

buy any one of these personal

objects!

CROWD CHANTING: Utility Pole!

WYATT: I don't believe it!

None of my friends showed up!

Thanks a lot, guys.

Time for some new lyrics.

It is my great pleasure to

introduce our Star Contest

regional winner, Wyatt!

[Cheering]

This is a song I wrote about

my friends.

♪ Jonesy really is a jerk

♪ Hits on anything with a skirt

♪ Jude thinks he's a dude

♪ He doesn't have a clue

♪ Kaitlyn wears a giant lemon,

thinks the shopping mall is

heaven ♪

♪ And Jen, she's just plain rude

♪ Nikki thinks she's tough, she

can't even wake up ♪

♪ None of you were there for me

You suck ♪

[Feedback ringing]

[Feedback ringing]

[Cheering]

I'm impressed.

That version was even more

impressive than the original!

Thanks!

You guys rock!

I can't believe we totally

missed Wyatt's performance!

I feel so bad I can't even

enjoy the blissful afterglow of

shopping.

How did I even get all these

clothes?

That's their marketing

technique.

They suck you in with gorgeous

staff, and the next thing you

know you're buying the clothes

to live the dream.

Hey guys, how was the show?

We're not sure.

He must have been good, though.

I sold all of my Wyatt

memorabilia.

I didn't have any cash on me

and the ticket dude wasn't

hungry.

Yo, walking dead, you were

there, how was Wyatt?

I woke up and everyone was

gone.

None of us saw Wyatt's act?

Well, maybe he couldn't see

that we weren't there because of

the bright spotlights.

No, I could see.

So where was everybody?

I am so sorry.

It was Albatross and Finch -

they had a greeter god.

And it's part of this huge

conspiracy to suck you in and--

Kaitlyn made me do it!

[Gasping]

They had a sale!

They never have sales!

Oh, I'm the worst friend.

I know.

But I did get this leather

bracelet at half off.

And you guys?

We were working the event.

I was merchandizing an entire

line of your products, getting

your name out there, man.

Shouldn't I be getting most

of the profits from that?

I guess that'd make sense.

Please forgive us, Wyatt?

Next time we're so there.

Yeah, I should have brought

cash.

They weren't ready for the

barter system, yet.

So none of you actually heard

the song.

ALL: No.

We loved that song.

We knew you'd do a great job.

Actually, I did a different

version of the song.

Anyway, just make sure you're

there for my next show.

ALL: Absolutely!

Gotta bounce.

Wyatt took that pretty well.

Yeah, that was really cool of

him.

♪ She's just plain rude♪

I liked your song, Wyatt.

Too bad your friends are such

losers.

Yeah, they're not all that--

Dude, isn't that your song?

♪ You suck!♪

Jude, how's it going?

Get out of here, man.

You suck.

Take it easy, bro.

I was going to buy something

this time.

Sheesh!

Great song.

Your friends stink.

[Sighing]

We'd like you to sign the

celebrity wall, man.

This is so cool!

[Chanting "Wyatt"]

[Gasping]

You guys are so hopeless.

He's just a guy you know.

I knew him way before he became

big.

You did?

Wait a minute, you're the

Nikki in Wyatt's song?

Yep!

Ew!

You don't deserve to be

friends with him.

Yeah, you don't even deserve

to be friends with friends of

his.

If you were my friend, I

would so unbefriend you!

And unspeed-dial you from my

phone.

Oh, so unspeed-dial worthy.

[Screaming]

Can you put these on hold for

me, under Kaitlyn.

Kaitlyn from the song?

I'm afraid I can't do that.

Isn't the sale still on?

Not for you.

We don't want you representing

our clothes.

It's an image thing.

You understand.

But I looked really good in

those.

♪

What's up, dude?

I just signed my name beside

Pierre Bouvier, from Simple

Plan.

Why are you going through my

garbage can?

Baby, this ain't garbage,

this is memorabilia!

We're going to ride this all the

way to the bank.

But you can't just keep

following me, picking up

everything I've ever touched.

Right, it's time we talked

management.

You want to manage me?

Sure, why not?

Pack up your things.

As of this moment, you are no

longer stuck in the country

section of Spin This!

Where are we going?

To Adult Contempo!

Have you noticed people in

the mall are acting really

strange?

Yeah.

You don't think they're all

vampires, do you?

No.

I'll tell you why people are

all treating us differently.

Wyatt's song.

He changed the lyrics.

He made us sound like the worst

friends on the planet!

[Gasping]: Because we didn't

show up for his show.

Now that you mention it, I

got a ten-minute penalty for

wearing my nametag crooked.

And I got kicked out of

Albatross and Finch!

It's been happening to all of

us.

I know we screwed up, but

Wyatt can't do that!

It'll ruin us!

Hey, guys.

Humph!

I guess you heard the song.

I only changed the lyrics 'cause

I was mad.

But it's cool now!

Guess what: Petty Crime Records

heard it, and they say they want

to sign me!

They're coming tomorrow to hear

me play it live!

[Coughing]

Come on, guys.

Lighten up.

Easy for you to say, dude!

Everyone in the mall's treating

us like piranhas!

Pariahs.

No, like the stuff that they

want to avoid, like the fish

with the teeth.

You have to get them to stop

playing that song!

It's humiliating!

Okay, I know I shouldn't have

slammed you guys, but this could

be my big break!

It's just a song.

[Screaming]

Excuse me, for a minute.

Make some space.

It's Wyatt's manager coming

through.

If you want to see Wyatt, he'll

be at the official autograph

signing session in the food

court in two minutes.

At five dollars a pop.

What are we going to do about

this?

The more they love Wyatt, the

more they hate us.

I brought your new wardrobe.

I am not going to wear

leather pants.

We'll talk about it after the

movie.

Fine.

What do you want to see?

Actually I'm going to a movie

with the g*ng.

Sorry buddy.

You're ditching me?

But you're my manager.

I just work for you, dude.

Why don't you hang out with

them?

Do you want to see a movie?

Awesome!

That's so wicked!

Great!

ALL: Yeee!

So I said to him, "If you

call this a chai soy latte, then

that must make me the Easter

Bunny."

[Laughing]

Hey Jonesy.

[Gasping]: You're that singer

Wyatt!

And I'm his manager.

Did he just call you

"Jonesy"?

Jonesy the jerk who'd hit on

anything in a skirt!?

Ooh ooh hot!

Ahhh!

That's it!

It is one thing for you to talk

trash about me in that stupid

song, but when the stupid song

impedes me in my ability to

score chicks, then you have gone

too far, my friend.

♪

[Song playing faintly]

♪

[Crowd cheering]

You must be from Petty Crime.

You're going to love love love

the angry thing this kid does.

Anger is so now.

Check it out.

Spin This is proud to present

the winner of the Star Contest,

with his sick new song!

Give it up for Wyatt!

♪

♪ My friends will always be

around ♪

♪ If they sold coolness by the

pound, they'd all be stinking

rich, staying at the Ritz ♪

♪ Guaranteed to get you hoppin'

♪ Need some clothes, they'll

take you shopping ♪

♪ Or hang out just like this

♪ Oh, yeah

What are you doing??

That's the wrong version!

WYATT: No, it's the right

one.

♪ I can depend on my friends for

everything ♪

♪ Don't matter where or when,

through anything ♪

♪ Right to the end, I can depend

on my friends ♪

[Cheering]

Too bad, kid.

You could have been someone.

Funny, I thought I already

was.

I can't believe you did that!

I'll get another sh*t.

I just didn't want to trash you

guys all over the country to do

it.

I guess this means I'm fired.

Yep.

That's a shame.

Here.

Dude, what were you thinking?

It's Petty Crime Records!

You could have been the next

Alanis Morissette.

I'll get another chance to be

her.

Do you smell something

garlicy?

Find everything you were

looking for?

Definitely.

And how will you be paying

for that, sir?

Will kabobs do?

You guys are closing the cash

tonight, right?

Um, yeah.

Check the schedule!

Kabobs will be fine.

What is that smell?

See you tomorrow.

Ew!

[Laughing]

♪