01x17 - The (Almost) Graduate

[bunniefuu]

♪

[Squelching sound]

Hm.

[Squelching]

Ohh!

Got you!

Hey, what do you think you're

doing?

Trawling.

I didn't get you a job at the

Penalty Box so you could goof

around and get fired.

Chill, just familiarizing

myself with the gear.

You're gonna get me in

trouble.

I see you're familiarizing

yourself with the gear.

Good man.

What are you doing with that

net, Masterson?

Get your mind on the game.

Now, have you been showing young

Jonesy here the place?

I've been trying to.

Well, you're learning from

the best.

Masterson has the highest sales

rate of any assistant customer

coach at the Penalty Box.

Carry on.

Thanks a lot.

Aw, come on, Jen, you heard

the man.

You're the best, and I'm just

your humble student.

Okay, so let's say you've

made the sale, and the customer

is going to buy this net, for

instance.

You have to scan the product

code at the cash, or ring it in

manually.

Are you listening to me?

[Grunting]

Yeah, you code the scan

thing.

Jonesy, pay attention!

I bet I could ring it in

from here.

[Gasping]

Are you crazy?

You're gonna bust the cash

register.

What does the sale show?

$ . .

And how much is the cost of

the bat and ball with tax?

$ . !

♪ Wah-wah-wah

[Sighing]

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good times

last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good times

last ♪

So, again, if a customer is

returning merchandise, they

have to have a receipt.

Jonesy, you have to know all

this stuff.

I just go with my gut, and

my gut is saying I'm ready to

get my sale on.

You think so?

Know so.

I guess I could try

assisting you on a sale.

Solid, I'll take that guy.

Hold on a sec.

[Grunting]

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'll take a can of

tennis balls.

Sure, did I tell you about

our special promotion?

Two cans of tennis balls, for

the price of two.

Uh, sure, okay.

Jen will ring those in for

you.

Jonesy!

[Groaning]

Hi, Wyatt.

Hey, you look different

today.

Oh, good different or bad

different?

You could never look bad.

Maybe it's the bandana.

Yeah, that's it.

Looks cool.

You think?

Thanks!

[Kissing]

What's happening, guys?

Hey, my old bandana.

Ha, haven't seen that in a

while.

You're wearing Chad's

bandana?

Oh, yeah, I never got around

to giving it back to him after

we broke up.

You and Chad used to be...

Boyfriend and girlfriend.

Yeah, you knew that.

No, I'm pretty sure I didn't.

Oh, well, so now you know.

So now I know.

[Laughing]

[Grunting]

Excuse me.

Just a second, dude, going

for in a row.

Cool, what are you sh**ting

now?

Three.

Aw.

Can I help you?

Do you sell hockey tape?

Hockey tape, I'll bet we do.

Jen, do we sell hockey tape?

Excuse me.

Yes, we do.

Yes, we do.

Where would I find some?

Jen, where is it?

On the shelf beside you.

Well, that was easy.

Great, thanks.

Have you tried these new

titanium hockey sticks?

Chicks love titanium.

I'll take it.

Good choice, let's ring her

up.

Here you go.

No, it's stupid.

He's done that at every

stand in the food court we've

been to today.

Bummer.

Would you be a sweetheart

and watch my Stanley for me,

while I go cry...I mean, powder

my nose?

No problemo.

Thanks.

Bye.

[Laughing]

Maybe this isn't such a good

idea.

So what if Serena and Chad

used to date?

So what?

She's still wearing his stuff.

It's like she's still, I don't

know, his girl.

Yeah, if it were, like, .

Don't sweat it.

Buy her a new bandana, and put

it on her head.

Problem solved.

Oh, and why don't you write

"Wyatt's girlfriend" across it,

while you're at it?

That's not a bad idea,

thanks!

Wouldn't you hate to be a

guy and be so confused all the

time?

I heard that.

What, we're tied for sales?

How could that be?

You don't even try.

I think it's a combination

of things.

My incredible skill and your

career going downhill.

What do you mean, downhill?

Face it, you peaked too soon.

I what?

No, I didn't.

Yes, you did, you're a

peak-too-sooner.

I am not a peak-too-sooner!

[Sighing]

Excuse me.

I'll handle this.

You go plan your retirement

dinner.

I'm going rock climbing.

Right this way, sir.

Whoa!

[Whistle blowing]

Masterson, that's clipping

from behind!

Two minutes in the box.

Oh, peaked too soon.

Would you like a bag for

that kayak?

[Whistle blowing]

Attention all assistant

coaches.

This young man here sells with

a lot of heart.

That kayak was for display only

and he still sold it to a

customer.

Is it not a functioning

kayak?

Oh, no, sir, it's fine.

Just make sure to bring a life

jacket.

Now, go get 'em!

Ouch!

Son, how about lunch?

Talk turkey.

Jonesy!

Dude, can I have some

marshmallows for the fire?

For the...

[Gasping]

[Blowing]

[Laughing]

Looks like I have to keep my

eye on you, huh?

Yes, you do.

So, okay, what do you

usually do with babysitters?

Make them cry.

[Groaning]

M'hm.

Do you think she'll like it?

It has hockey sticks on it.

Yeah, so?

Ugh, did you buy the first

one you saw?

Yeah, a bandana's a bandana.

Wyatt, you have a lot to

learn about fashion.

You should take it back.

Well, I say she'll love it.

So, what are you into,

besides making babysitters cry?

Hitting things.

I'm down with that.

What's going on here?

Babysitting.

All right then, carry on.

Did you give that ugly

bandana to her yet?

No, I'm waiting for the right

moment.

Hey, dudes.

What's with junior.

His mom left him with me so

she could go to the washroom.

That's so sweet.

Three hours ago.

We broke things.

Little dude's got a good arm.

Listen, Jonesy, it's stupid

for us to compete for sales at

work.

You're right, guys are just

naturally better at that stuff

than girls.

Excuse me?

No, I meant we should work as a

team.

Yeah, and you shouldn't feel

bad about asking for help.

Uh, hold on.

You don't actually think guys

are better at anything because

they're guys, do you?

No, I don't think that.

I know it.

Right, guys?

I don't know.

I guess.

Face it, the male race is

braver, faster, stronger.

We're superior.

Oh, yeah?

Prove it.

Let's see what you've got.

Okay, pick something,

anything, and we'll do it

better than you.

Fine, staring contest, me and

Jude.

Oh, you're going down, right,

Jude?

Uh, yeah.

First one to blink loses.

And go!

Ha ha!

Nice!

[Laughing]

How come you folded so

quickly?

I forgot what we were doing.

I'm thinking of four words.

I told you so.

Not so fast there, best two

out of three.

Fine, we'll even let you pick

the challenge this time.

[Whispering]

A Blind Lemon chugging

contest.

That's pure lemon juice.

That's right, you chicken?

I'll do it.

You're on.

You were made for this.

It'll be a piece of cake.

Ready, go!

[Growling]

[Coughing]

Whew, that's good lemon

juice.

[Groaning]

[Gasping]

One more, he's gonna choke!

[Sighing]

Come on, dude, you can take

her!

It's just lemon juice, you

can do this!

[Sipping]

[Groaning]

Disqualified!

We have a winner!

[Cheering]

[Groaning]

I'm gonna take Stanley back

to Stick It.

Be back pronto.

[Croaking]

He says, "Best three out of

five."

Don't know when to give up,

huh?

Okay, have I got a challenge for

you.

Here's the dare.

Go inside and buy a Miss Teen

Girl magazine, a pink lipstick

and tampons.

Why do I have to do it?

It's your turn, now

represent, dude.

Oh, you're going down.

I can't do it.

I knew it!

Yeah!

Big chicken.

GIRLS: Big chicken, Wyatt is

a big chicken.

[Clucking]

"I can't do it, wah, wah,

wah."

[Sighing]

I knew we'd be better than

you, ha, but this is

embarrassing.

Okay, you nancies, one more

contest.

No way.

We already b*at you three times.

Well, fine, if you're

chicken.

You're on.

We choose, winner take all.

Bring it on!

Hey, guys, guess what?

Stanley's mom came back and she

paid me bucks.

I'm watching him again tomorrow.

Here's the challenge.

Whoever can eat Stick Its and

then ride the Vomit Comet

without barfing, wins.

[Groaning]

Take your time, that was a lot

of Stick Its.

[Sighing]

Okay, here we go.

Focus.

There goes a brave man.

[Groaning]

Way to take one for the team,

buddy.

You didn't lose it.

Give us some room.

[Groaning]

Okay, just do what you have

to do to keep those Stick It

chunks down.

[Retching]

Yes, Jen tossed her cookies,

woo!

The guys win.

Fine, you won, best five out

of seven.

I'm sorry, didn't you hear

the challenge?

It was all or nothing, remember?

Winner take all.

Guys rock.

[Belching]

You know it.

[Laughing]

In your face, ha, ha, ha!

Guys rule all, oh, yeah!

[Laughing]

Thanks, have a good day.

Hubba hubba!

Good morning.

Yeah, yeah.

Got a riddle for you.

What group of people are better

at things than girls?

I'm not in the mood.

The answer is guys!

Oh, right, you lose

repeatedly, score one win on a

fluke, and then declare yourself

the winner.

Being gracious in defeat is a

sign of maturity, you know.

What are those?

Knitted soccer ball cosy.

I thought we'd score a home run

with these.

But we didn't sell a single one.

But then again, we didn't have

Jonesy on our team.

You move these, and you'll make

the Hall of Fame in no time.

Thanks, Coach, you make me

want to be a better salesman.

You suck.

Masterson!

Look, I'm sick of hearing how

great Jonesy is.

I know, two minutes.

Are you hungry?

Wanna grab a bite?

JONESY: Sure.

Let's grab a bite.

JONESY: Cool.

[Laughing]

[Growling]

Here, I got something for

you.

[Gasping]

A present, oh!

Wyatt, this is sweet, but it has

hockey sticks on it.

Cool, huh?

I knew you'd like it.

Actually, it's really not my

style.

Just try it on, unless you

only like to wear bandanas that

Chad gave you.

Oh, is that what this is all

about?

Obviously Chad has better

clothes for your head than I do.

Obviously someone has Chad

issues.

That went well.

Whoa, word must have got out

about the new Cheesy Fish Stick

Its.

Are you the daycare

facilitator?

Uh, no, I think there's been

some kind of--

We're all willing to pay $

per hour, per child.

Hm.

Welcome to Dude Daycare.

Ah, another fantastic lunch,

Jonesy.

Masterson, get to work!

Brought you back a little

something from our lunch.

Free crappy restaurant mints.

How thoughtful.

[Coach grunting]

[Yawning]

I better get back.

Still have a few hours to b*at

that one-week all-time sales

record.

[Growling]

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

[Screaming]

Little dudes, listen up.

Field trip.

[Spitting]

[Laughing]

Hey, ice cream is for eating.

[Screaming]

Jonesy, I'm being swarmed by

kids.

How do I make kids stop?

Give them some chocolate,

that'll calm them down.

Right!

[Screaming]

Calm down, little monkey dudes.

Have some more chocolate.

[Laughing]

New plan, let's go see Uncle

Wyatt.

Hey, you didn't call me last

night.

I was busy.

So, you're wearing Chad's

bandana again, huh?

That would make a great

country tune.

Why don't you wear the one I

got you?

Wyatt, I want to wear this

bandana.

I'm sorry if it bothers you.

No, no, it doesn't bother me,

no.

Yeah, okay, it bothers me.

KID: CDs, all right!

Don't steal anything, mini

dudes.

What are you doing here?

I'll catch up with you later,

okay?

You gotta help me.

These little dudes will not

chill out.

[Grunting]

Ooh.

[Screaming]

[Laughing]

Nice accessorizing, Jude.

Uh, you boys need some help?

No.

It's all under control.

Silly us, they're the

superior race, remember?

Oh, yeah.

[Laughing]

Unless you're here to

increase my commissions, keep it

moving.

You have to help us watch

them.

[Grunting]

[Screaming]

Those kids are nuts.

Maybe Caitlin and Nikki were

right.

We do need their help.

What?

You can't show them any

weakness.

We can do this, they're just

kids.

But these kids are k*lling

us, dude.

Oh, no, where are they?

Hey!

[Laughing]

Excuse me, stop it!

Please stop, help!

[Laughing]

Help!

JUDE: Little dudes, stop it!

What do you need?

I think it would be smart if

we split them up amongst us.

Sure, gimme one.

Watch that one, he's a biter.

Or maybe it's that one.

I'll take Stanley here.

We have an understanding

already, right, dude?

[Coughing]

[Screaming]

Sit, stay.

You know, a girl wouldn't

have to lock a kid up just to

control him.

Please, kids are a breeze.

He likes it in there.

[Laughing]

I think your breeze has

blown.

[Gasping]

Hey, kid!

Could I borrow your bandana

so I can play cowboys with this

kid?

Sure, I guess.

Thanks.

[Giggling]

I'll get that.

WYATT: You have to come pick

this kid up and return her

before I get fired.

I can't, I don't know where

their moms are.

We're stuck with them until,

like, : tonight.

[Beeping]

WYATT: Well, then Jonesy's

taking them.

[Exploding]

[Laughing]

You really have a talent for

wrecking stuff, dude.

Jude, just meet me back at

the Penalty Box.

You're still sure you don't

need help?

All you need to know about

children is a bit of simple

psychology.

Chocolate makes them happy.

Well, that explains this.

Looks like he's been happy all

over the store.

[Screaming]

Quick, help me clean these

up, or hide them in the

stockroom!

Oh, I'm sorry, I would but

I'm on my break.

[Laughing]

[Screaming]

You have to come see this.

Does it have anything to do

with the guys screwing up?

Royally.

[Coach screaming]

So, Jonesy, what's Coach

freaking out about?

Nothing.

Masterson, why is there

chocolate all over my office?

That's a really good

question.

Maybe your star MVP can answer

that.

Jonesy, I need a word with

you.

[Screaming]

Whoa there, little tyke.

[Screaming]

[Gasping]

[Screaming]

The kids are just, uh,

excited to see a real live

legend such as yourself.

Jonesy, what are you doing

with these kids?

I'm watching them, it's

daycare.

Daycare?

Ooh, we don't stand for

moonlighting.

I'm afraid you're toast.

You're outta here, you're fired.

[Crying]

Ow!

[Sobbing]

Help.

You know, somehow, "I told

you so," just doesn't cut it

right now.

[Laughing]

Help.

Did you hear something?

Gee, I'm not sure.

It sounded like a cry for

help.

Help!

Oh, but it couldn't be.

From who?

I don't know.

Everything is under control

here.

[Laughing]

Help!

If you need our help, boys,

we're only too happy to give it,

right, girls?

Sure.

Of course, if you need it.

We just have to agree first

that the girls are the ultimate

winners.

Okay, okay, girls rule.

Now what do we do?

Did you guys think about

giving the kids naps?

[Snoring]

Sure, now they're behaving.

That's taking the easy way

out, if you ask me.

Yeah, we took them head on.

Like men.

What?

No way.

Hi, Wyatt.

Oh, hi, Serena.

Can I have my bandana back?

Okay, what is so important

about that bandana?

What, it has sentimental value?

You miss Chad, don't you?

Chad and his special, brown,

stupid bandana.

Actually, I'm just having a

bad hair day.

So why didn't you wear the

one I bought you.

I'm your boyfriend.

Because hockey sticks and

pucks don't really go with the

rest of my look, in case you

didn't notice.

Oh, yeah, I figured that.

[Laughing]

Right, guys are such bad

liars.

Oh, I think not.

Guys are definitely better liars

than girls.

Shut up, are you crazy?

You'll wake the kids!

[Snickering]

♪