01x24 - It's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!

[bunniefuu]

One kitchen sink nachos.

Knock yourselves out.

I think you are my favourite

person in the whole world.

That's real nice, honey.

Know what would be nicer?

A big tip.

JEN: Hey, guys.

What's up?

NIKKI: Not much, Jaws.

Is everything okay?

It was, untilshecame back.

Uh-oh.

Courtney's back in town?

Jen's older sister.

Make that, "Jen's prettier,

does-everything-better-than-me,

everybody-loves-her-more, older

sister."

You're just as pretty as she

is.

When was the last time you

saw her?

Maybe when I was .

Trust me, she's prettier.

How come I haven't met her?

She's been away at

university.

Doesn't she usually go skiing

for spring break?

Apparently, all her fabulous

friends with chalets are sick,

so she's here, just dying to

ruin my life.

JUDE: He's right behind us,

dude!

[Laughing]

Dive, dive!

RON: Yo!

Okay, which way did those punks

go?

Who?

Don't play games with me,

maggot.

I saw them come this way.

[Giggling]

What's that stuff all over

your face?

Those two covered my walkie

with shoe polish.

When I get through with them,

they'll wish they were never

born.

[Giggling]

NIKKI: Shh!

Ow!

What was that?

What was what, sir?

I distinctly heard a noise.

I didn't hear anything.

Ow!

Did you mean a noise like

that?

I heard it too, and it's really

annoying.

I'd wash that shoe polish

off, or it might stain your

face.

What did you say, scum?

It's just an opinion.

[Laughing]

Did you see his face?

[Laughing]

Dude!

Jude!

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

starting to find my way ♪

♪ Got a new job

gonna start at the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen sixteen

♪ Got to make the good times

last ♪

JEN: I can't help it!

She makes me crazy!

Big sis is back for the week.

[Gasping]

Hot babysitter Courtney's

back?

[Sighing]

JUDE: Dude, she is so hot!

We used to beg our parents

to call her.

I think I even chipped in my

allowance once!

Remember the white jean

jacket?

With the tight ripped jeans?

Dude!

Oh, yeah!

Today's gonna be fun.

I'm just gonna have to face the

fact that, as soon she gets

here, I'm gonna lose all of my

friends.

NIKKI: No, you're not.

You're our friend.

CAITLIN: Best friends!

She could never replace you.

Right!

Who cares if she's hot?

COURTNEY: Hi!

[Gasping]

WYATT: Who's your daddy?

I'm Courtney.

[Sighing]

Great!

[Sighing]

So, since Tiffany was sick,

and Brandy's beach house was

being renovated, I just came

back home.

Well, I, for one, am glad you

did.

I think you're really hot.

[Sighing]

Men!

This town is kind of b*at,

but we can still have some fun.

Right, Flash?

JONESY: Flash?

[Laughing]

Oh, there's a story here.

Don't you dare tell them,

Courtney.

Okay, okay!

Just a nickname Jen picked up

when she was little.

So, what's everybody doing

today?

We have to work, remember?

Whoa!

I'm gonna be late for my new

job!

Dudes, why don't you come check

out my new gig?

Come on!

Okay, fine.

Alright, alright.

Bye, boys.

Bye.

Later.

See you, beautiful.

Oh, yeah.

Can you believe how long it's

been since I've been to this

little mall, Flash?

[Groaning]

I'm going to work.

See you later.

COURTNEY: What about you two?

Wanna hang out?

Huh?

I think I hear the clones

calling.

The low-slung cords just came

in.

You work at the Khaki Barn?

I used to work there!

Maybe I'll drop by later.

It's a free world.

Okay, I guess it's just you

and me.

[Nervous laughing]

Looks like.

JEN: She always does this!

Just waltzes in and steals all

my friends!

Well, maybe she was just

being friendly.

She could've changed.

Do you even remember Jeremy?

The guy from tennis camp?

Uh huh!

She stole him from me.

He kissed me, and then she stole

him, because she had bigger

boobs!

[Gasping]

Oh, yeah.

What a skeez he was.

And Samantha, my best friend

in grade two?

She stole her, too!

Okay, okay, how could she

steal a best friend?

She had way better Barbies.

[Gasping]

Do you see what's happening?

She's already got you defending

her!

I'm not!

But you have to deal with her.

Sisters don't just go away.

Unfortunately.

Don't worry.

We're not going anywhere, no

matter how many Barbies she has.

I guess you're right.

I don't need to worry about you

guys.

[Laughing]

Check it out, dudes, I'm a

Viking!

Grab some sky, Viking.

Kiss my axe, Cowboy!

If you two losers are

finished, can we talk about

something important?

Like, how hot is Jen's sister?

She is outstanding, dude!

I mean, I remembered her being

cute, but--

Let me try to put it into

words.

[Screaming]

Fire, dude!

[Hissing]

[Laughing]

[Sighing]

I love older women.

Me, too.

There's something cool about

knowing that she used to tuck

me into bed in my Underoos.

Oh, yeah.

We were just dumb kids.

And now we're men of the

world.

I've had my heart broken.

I've gone on a date with

Nikki.

I've thrown up in my

girlfriend's mouth.

Yup!

I guess we've all been through

the fire and can truly call

ourselves men.

[Flatulence sounding]

Dude!

Sick!

Sorry.

Kind of snuck up on me.

[Coughing]

[Phone ringing]

Aren't you going to answer

it?

No way!

It's probably that Lydia chick.

The one from Battery Stop?

Yeah!

She's hot and all, but she's way

too clingy.

Like how?

Like, she's been calling me

ten times a day!

Showing up everywhere I go!

[Store phone ringing]

Hello, Glitter sh*ts.

We put you in the picture and

dress you up funny.

LYDIA:Hey, Jonesy, it's me!

It's her!

Oh, Lydia, hi!

How are you?

LYDIA:I'm great!

I just wish I could see you

right now.

I wish I could see you, too.

LYDIA:Your wish is my

command.

Huh?

LYDIA: Hi!

Oh, Lydia!

Nice to see you!

Oh, I missed you so much!

[Grunting]

Every minute we're apart is an

eternity.

Yeah, right.

Um, so I'd live to hang out,

but, uh--

[Clearing throat]

WYATT: [LOW VOICE] Can we

speed this up, son?

My wife and I have been waiting

for minutes for our picture.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: That's

right!

Hurry up!

Right with you!

Sorry, I have to get back to

work.

You know how it is.

Yeah, you're dedicated to

your art.

Well, I don't know if I would

call it art.

Well, I'll see you later, and

dream about you until then!

[Groaning]

Thanks, guys.

You rock.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: Any

time, dude.

Thanks for shopping at the

Penalty Box.

Have a good day.

COACH: Good work, Masterson!

That a new sales record!

MVP all the way!

Thanks, Coach.

I do my best!

CAITLIN: Jen!

I had no idea your sister was so

cool!

She took me to the best shops!

Don't be so modest.

You have an eye for halter tops

that blows my mind.

I do?

Really?

It's all happening again.

COURTNEY: So this is where

you work!

I could never work here.

It smells like gym socks.

But it totally suits you.

You even get to dress like a

guy!

It's a referee's uniform, for

your information.

The joke in our family was

that Jen was the brother we

never had.

I like sports, so what?

Oh, don't get me wrong,

sports are cool.

[Gasping]

Wow!

I was on the team that won

the city championship.

But your team's good, too.

Didn't you get to the quarters?

Semis.

Right.

Come on, Cait, let's hit the

Khaki Barn.

Okay!

Unless, you want me to stay.

No, go!

COURTNEY: Catch you later,

Flash.

[Groaning]

Huh?

Alright!

That's coming out of your

salary, Masterson.

So, you don't know when he'll

be back?

No, he went out and said

specifically to tell you he

didn't know when he was going to

be back.

Well, give him this gift for

me.

What is it?

It's an anatomically accurate

life-sized sculpture of my

heart!

I did it from an MRI I had last

year.

I would've made a model of my

soul to go with it, but it's

invisible to magnetic resonance

imaging.

[Sighing]

Dude, that is one freaky

chick!

Welcome to my nightmare!

Hey, Nikki!

Hey, what's up?

Courtney convinced me to take

the day off to shop.

Aren't you going to get in

trouble?

Maybe, but she's a colour

genius!

NIKKI: Where's our friend,

Jen?

She had to stay at work.

Ooh!

The new hoodies have arrived!

So, Jen really admires you,

you know.

She is my best friend.

JEN: That's right!

And I'm her best friend, and no

amount of boobs is gonna change

that.

Wow, that girl's so pretty!

How come I don't know her?

Look!

Isn't that Avril Lavigne?

Oh my gosh, where?

[Squealing]

It must be hard for you,

working here.

What do you mean?

Well, you know, the Khaki

Barn employs child labour in

India.

Yeah, it's disgusting.

That's what I think is so

cool about you.

You're working from within the

system to change things.

NIKKI: Yeah, well, I try to

sell as little as humanly

possible.

Oh, please!

Can't you see she's playing you?

COACH:Masterson!

I need a price check on tube

socks, stat!

Oops, sounds like they need

you at work.

Ugh, fine!

Just remember who your friends

are!

Well, that was dramatic.

We're going for a coffee.

When do you get off?

I can give you some tips on how

to keep your sales down.

I kind of make my own hours.

Cait, you coming?

CAITLIN: Wait for me!

COURTNEY: And that's when

Flash fell into this huge pile

of dog poo!

She got it all over her dress.

[Laughing]

You're really funny, and hot.

[Chuckling]

Hey, Jen!

I hear your cousin's wedding was

a real stinker!

[Gasping]

You told them the dog poo

story?

They dragged it out of me.

And the Flash story!

So you used to run around the

backyard naked, huh?

Do you ever still do that?

[Groaning]

I can't believe this is

happening!

Relax, Flash.

We've all had embarrassing

moments.

Don't call me Flash!

[Screaming]

So, Jonesy, what's with the

outfit?

I'm incognito!

LYDIA: Has anyone seen

Jonesy?

I have present for him.

I think I saw him at the

arcade.

He was looking for you.

Really?

Thanks!

How can I ever repay you?

I know!

Let's all get our pictures taken

together at Jonesy's store.

Not what I had in mind, but

that could be fun, too.

Sounds good.

Let's roll!

Coming, Flash?

I knew it!

It happens every time!

COURTNEY: Alright.

I'm the warrior queen.

Jonesy, you and Jude are my

w*r chiefs.

You stand beside me.

Wicked!

Alright!

Nikki, you're my trusty

sidekick.

Wyatt, you're my scribe!

Cool!

Oh, I like this.

Can I borrow it?

What about me?

You're the princess.

And Flash--

Jen!

My name is Jen!

Sorry, Jen.

You get to be the evil swamp

hag!

No way!

Come on, it'll be fun!

Forget it!

I am not your evil swamp hag.

Why are you being such a

baby?

I am not being a baby!

I just don't want to be the evil

swamp hag, okay?

[Clearing throat]

[Groaning]

Fine!

Just give me the costume.

JONESY: That's a great

picture.

CAITLIN: Jen, the look on

your face is priceless!

JUDE: Yeah, you really look

like you wanna k*ll Queen

Courtney.

[Laughing]

Acting's all about

motivation.

I have an idea.

Let's go to Excess!

The dance club?

It just opened.

I hear it's hot.

Dude!

I heard the bouncers there were

all six-foot-four ex-wrestlers!

Yeah, and we don't have ID!

We're , remember?

Are you guys gonna let a

little thing like ID stop you?

[Grumbling]

So uncreative for youngsters.

Come on!

Courtney's gonna teach you all a

little trick.

♪

Whoa!

Uh...

Whoa!

[Screaming]

COURTNEY: Voila!

You're all officially !

JUDE: That is the coolest

thing I have ever seen a girl

do.

You know, if you keep

scowling like that, you're gonna

get old.

[Growling]

Wow!

I really look !

[Laughing]

Awesome!

Hey, what if we get caught?

I thought you were the

chilled out one.

Alright, okay, it's chill.

I'm chill.

Cool.

Then let's go shake some booty.

Cool!

Yeah!

Alright!

Court, this has got to stop.

You could get them in real

trouble.

Relax!

It'll be fun.

You know, "fun"?

Oh, I know how to have fun,

but not by sneaking into a bar.

You're just jealous that they

like me better than you.

Ugh!

That's it!

She might be prettier and hotter

and cooler, but she's not

funner!

More fun!

[Screaming]

[Dance music]

No ID, no entry.

Must've left it in my

other pants?

[Bones cracking]

Whoa!

Told you, bro.

That dude could crush you like a

can!

Maybe we should come back

when we're , just to be safe.

I don't know about you guys,

but I'm going in!

WYATT: It worked!

Come on, guys!

[Binoculars humming]

Finally.

I've got those maggots right

where I want them.

Dude, this place is awesome!

Sick sound system!

[Nervous laughing]

[Clearing throat]

[Wolf whistling]

This is so fun!

Hey, where's Jen?

Probably at home with Mom.

She's about as much fun as a

math quiz!

[Gasping]

[Wolf whistling]

No way!

Jen?

COURTNEY: Hey, that's my

dress!

Whoa.

You're hot!

So you don't think I'm fun

enough, huh?

Well, how fun is this?

[Cheering]

[Gasping]

[Wolf whistling]

[Crowd chattering]

Jen, your dress.

It's kind of not there.

[Gasping]

[Screaming]

Poor Jen.

This is so embarrassing!

[Laughing]

It's even better than the

time she fell in the poop!

How can you be so mean?

She's your sister!

Oh, come on!

It was funny!

I'll go see if she's alright.

Nobody's going anywhere.

Uh oh!

Officer, I'm not with these

kids.

Your papers seem to be in

order.

You're all coming with me until

the police arrive to arrest you.

But, I'm really !

She's my friend, ask her!

Can it, lemon girl!

Hey, Flash, you fixed my

dress.

Some friend you are!

They aren't really my

friends.

They're yours.

Oh, no!

They're our friends, now!

Hey!

And being a friend comes with

a certain amount of

responsibility.

Listen to you, always Mom

and Dad's little star.

Are you kidding me?

All they ever talk about is how

proud of you they are.

Winning that stupid beauty

pageant, being in university.

It's always "Courtney, Courtney,

Courtney!"

Yeah, well, that's all gonna

change.

What do you mean?

I'm not home because it's

spring break, Jen.

I'm home because they kicked me

out of school.

[Gasping]

So you flunked out?

That's awesome!

I mean, you know, you're not

perfect, after all.

I never was.

You're the one they're proud of.

You work so hard, and now you

have these great friends.

I'm the one who's jealous of

you!

Really?

Swear.

So, are we friends again?

[Sighing]

Yeah, but I'm still mad at

you for stealing that guy from

me.

Well, now that everyone

knows you have boobs of your

own, that shouldn't be a

problem.

Love you!

Love you, too.

Okay, the g*ng's in trouble.

What are we gonna do?

I always have a back-up plan.

[Harmonica playing]

[Can rattling against bars]

Dude, this is, like, harshing

on my mellow.

Your whining won't get you

anywhere with me, son.

You can't keep us here.

I demand my phone call!

Ooh, good call!

Order a pizza!

No phone calls until you're

officially under arrest.

No, for these next few minutes,

you're all mine.

And I'm going to savour them,

like the smell of a jungle

foxhole at dawn.

[Sniffing]

Jungly, and foxy, with a touch

of hole.

COURTNEY: We've come to get

our friends.

Nothing--

[Gasping]

[Shuddering]

COURTNEY: This would make a

great promo poster for the

store, don't you think, Jonesy?

Heck, yeah!

You'll give me the photo if I

let them go?

Clear their records, and it's

yours.

Out!

All of you!

Sweet!

Can I keep this as a souvenir?

Out, soldier!

Pleasure doing business with

you.

Never mess with the Masterson

sisters.

Where did you get that?

I found it in the back files

at Glitter sh*ts.

Yup, I don't think that

rent-a-cop will be bugging us

for a while.

I can't believe I almost got

arrested, again!

So where's the freaky chick,

dude?

I let her down easy.

She had a severe case of

Jonesy-itis.

Jonesy!

Where have you been?

Uh, I broke up with you,

remember?

That doesn't mean we can't

still go out.

Actually, it does.

[Gasping]

Let's have our picture taken

together!

Uh, let me think about that.

Hmm, no.

Plus, I got fired from the

picture place.

They found the fake ID files.

Come on!

It'd be really romantic!

Okay, that's enough.

Who are you?

She's my new girlfriend!

Girlfriend?

Girlfriend?

Uh...

Oh, yeah, I'm his girlfriend.

He's my man!

[Chuckling]

You two don't look like a

couple.

We are!

We go for walks.

We, uh, eat things together.

And, um, we, uh...

Oh!

There!

Now do you get the picture?

You don't have to be rude

about it!

Nikki, I, you want to go out

to food with me?

Dinner?

Hmm.

I'll think about it.

[Sighing]

Wow!

I think there's a lot about

chicks that I don't understand.

Got that right.

♪