04x16 - Wilson's Little White Lie

[bunniefuu]

-Hi, Mom.

Hi, Dad.

-Hello, dear.

-Hey, did either of

you read anything

about the government

looking for a kid

my age to volunteer

to go to the moon?

-What?

-You go back and tell Mr. Wilson

to stop pulling your leg, son.

-Jeepers, Dad.

How did you ever guess it was

Mr. Wilson who told me that?

[theme music]

-And I still say if you can

afford to take a day off,

you can afford to see Dr. Baker

and get that check up he's

been after you about.

-Eloise, I haven't had a

day off in over a month.

I have written four

feature articles in a row,

and I deserve a day off.

I am just going to rest today.

-Well, I'm calling Dr. Baker.

-Madame, get your Lilly white

hand off that telephone.

-John, when I saw Dr.

Baker a few days ago,

he said it could be quite

serious if you don't see him.

-Dr. Baker is a

cantankerous busy body.

-Oh, now, John, I'm

concerned about you.

If you can take a day off,

you can take a few minutes

and go and see him.

-My dear unregistered nurse,

I'm in perfect health.

All I need is one day of rest.

Furthermore, I'm going to the

sportsman show this afternoon.

The national champion fly caster

is demonstrating a new trout

fly, and I wouldn't

miss it for the world.

-John Wilson, you're pig headed.

-You don't say?

No wonder I have trouble

getting a hat that fits.

[door bell]

-Oh, it's Dennis.

-Eloise, one of the most

important ingredients

of my day of rest is not

being bothered by Dennis.

-Then you tell him that.

-Just say that I'm

lying down upstairs.

-John, I will not tell

Dennis a lie even for you.

-All right, then I'll

go upstairs and lie down

so you won't have to lie for me.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Good morning, dear.

-Is Mr. Wilson around?

I want to ask him something.

-Well, uh, he's

upstairs lying down.

-Lying down?

Well, he's up.

I can hear him walking

around up there.

-I'll only be a minute.

I just want to

ask him something.

[knock on door]

-Come in.

-Mr. Wilson?

Oh, hi, Mr. Wilson.

Gee, that's funny.

I thought for sure I heard

you walking around up here.

-Dennis, why aren't

you in school?

-We're on a week's vacation.

Are you sick, Mr. Wilson?

-Well, I'm not

exactly sick, Dennis.

However--

-Swell.

Then how about going

to the sport show with

me this afternoon if dad can't?

The national champion

fly caster is going to--

-I know.

On the other hand, I'm

not at all well either.

-You're not?

-Don't tell Mrs. Wilson.

But if I'm not careful, I may

have to have an operation.

-You mean to take something out?

-If you'll excuse me,

I-- I feel very weak.

-I sure hope you get well

real fast, Mr. Wilson.

-Thank you, little friend.

With plenty of rest,

I'm sure I shall.

[door closes]

DENNIS (OFFSCREEN): Hey, Mom.

-We're out here, dear.

-Hey, I thought you were

staying home to do paperwork.

-That's what I thought.

-Jeepers, if you could

take time off for that,

why can't you take me

to the sport's show?

-Oh, I'll take you

if I finish in time.

-Oh, I sure hope so.

Mr. Wilson can't take

me because he's sick.

And it must be pretty serious

because unless he rests up,

something's going

to have to come out.

-Well, how do you know that?

-Well, I was just over there,

and Mr. Wilson told me himself.

-Well, that's a darn shame.

-Oh.

Speaking of something

coming out, Henry,

don't you think Dr.

Baker ought to take

another look at Dennis' tonsils?

-Jeepers, Mom.

My tonsils are swell.

l leave them alone, and

they leave me alone.

-Open up.

-You see, dear.

His throat does look

a little irritated.

-Well, just to be

on the safe side,

let's call Dr. Baker today and

see what he has to suggest, OK?

-On my week's vacation?

-What better time?

-Oh, all right.

But right now I got

to round up the g*ng

to get Mr. Wilson a get well

card before he gets any sicker.

-We're very sorry you're sick

in the head, so please get up.

We need the bed.

-Being sick is a bitter pill.

But wait until you pay the bill.

-That's pretty.

-Hey, g*ng.

How about getting Mr. Wilson

a swell comic book instead?

-A comic book?

-Sure.

We can get one for the same

price as a get well card.

-Yeah, and we can read it too.

-Hey, this sounds like

a good get well one.

"Dicky Duggen and the

Monster Who Breathes Fire."

-I can't even have a dog.

-Let's see, that's

cents gone out of--

[bells]

-Hi, Sergeant Mooney.

-Hi, Sergeant.

T

-Hi.

-Well, good morning, boys.

Oh, improving your

minds, I see, huh?

-This is for Mr. Wilson.

He's sick in bed.

-John Wilson?

What's wrong with him?

-Well, I don't know for sure.

But he's pretty sick.

He may even have

to be operated on.

-Well, if I know

John Wilson, he'll

do it himself to save

the money. [laughs]

-Hello, Sergeant Mooney.

-My special, John.

-Yes, sir.

There we are.

-Hello, boys.

-Bye, Sergeant Mooney.

-Bye Sergeant.

-Bye.

-Sounds like Mr. Wilson's

a pretty sick man, Dennis.

-Oh, he is, Mr. Nelson.

That's why we're buying

him this swell comic book.

-Yeah.

And some candy too.

-Candy, huh?

Well, let's see.

I got a one pound box for $ . ,

three pound box for $ . .

-What do you have for $ . ?

-John, you really

ought to be ashamed

of yourself telling

Dennis you're sick.

-Eloise, there's nothing

wrong with a harmless little

white lie, especially when it

worked as well as that one did.

-And do you still refuse to see

Dr. Baker for that check up?

-You'll have to

talk louder, dear.

I can't hear a

word you're saying.

-John, I'm really

quite annoyed with you.

Well, here come Henry and Alice.

-I wonder what

they're doing here.

-I haven't the slightest idea.

-Oh, dear.

-Well, what is it?

-Do you suppose Dennis

told them that I'm sick?

-It would serve you right

for not seeing a doctor.

Harmless little white lie.

[door bell]

-Maybe I better go

upstairs just to make sure.

-Why, Henry and Alice,

what a nice surprise.

-Well, we heard John was a

little under the weather.

-Well, he does seem to be

having his ups and downs lately.

-If he feels like it, we thought

he might enjoy these cookies.

-Oh, I'm sure he will.

Why don't the two of

you go up and say hello?

-We'd love to.

-If you think it's all right.

-Oh, all right?

Why, he'd adore seeing you.

John, you're about

to have visitors.

-Oh.

-Oh, incidentally, he

refuses to see Dr. Baker.

Now, maybe the two of

you can talk some sense

into that thick head of his.

-Well, we'll try.

-Good.

-John?

-Eh, uh, uh, come in.

-Hello, Mr. Wilson.

I baked you some cookies.

-Oh, Alice, how nice.

Henry.

-Dennis was telling us you're

a little under the weather.

-Yes, yes.

Well, I'm, uh, struggling

along, Henry, struggling along.

-We were just talking

with Eloise downstairs

and, uh-- Mr. Wilson, why

don't you see a doctor?

-You were talking with my wife?

-Well, yes, John.

If there's something

wrong with your plumbing,

you call in a plumber.

If you don't feel well,

you call in a doctor.

-Well, my plumbing is fine.

As a matter of fact, I'm fine.

-Well, then what are

you doing in bed?

-Well, I'm in bed because

I'm a little tired.

-Here you are, dear.

-Oh, thank you.

Oh, my, those are

excellent cookies.

-I should think

you'd choke on them.

-Oh, Eloise.

Incidentally that

was a dirty trick

if I ever saw one, sending

Henry and Alice upstairs.

-That, my dear, is

the price you pay

for harmless little white lies.

-Oh, Eloise, all I wanted to

do was have one day to myself.

If Dennis thought

for one minute--

[children's laughter]

-Uh oh.

-What is it?

-Dennis and his

bunch of pack rats.

-Nobody eats anymore

candy, Seymour.

We bought it for Mr. Wilson.

-But I'm hungry.

-Now listen, kids.

Since we pooled

our money together

to get these gifts for Mr.

Wilson, we'll all go in.

[door bell]

-Bye, dear.

Have a nice trip.

-Eloise, I am not going up

those stairs again today.

[door bell]

-Then you won't mind

if I tell Dennis

about your little white lie?

-All right, all right.

But get rid of them.

I'm going to enjoy

what's left of the day.

-Hello there, children.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hi.

-How's Mr. Wilson feeling?

-Oh, I think he'll live.

-Good.

Let's eat the candy.

-Seymour.

Can we see him now, Mrs. Wilson?

-Well, of course you can.

As a matter of fact, Mr. Wilson

was saying just a minute ago

that he hoped all his little

friends would drop by.

-That does it.

All I wanted was a day of rest.

I'll leaver her.

That's what I'll do.

I'll leave her, just

walk out and leave her.

No, I won't.

I'll stay here and make

her life miserable.

-Mr. Wilson?

Mr.Wilson?

-He's gone.

Now can we eat the candy?

-Do you mind?

-All of us kids chipped

in and bought you

a bag of assorted

candy, Mr. Wilson.

-We left almost all

of the kind you like.

-Corn candy?

Oh, well, thank you, fellas.

Thank you.

-Here.

We bought you this

swell comic book too.

-It was new when we got it.

But it may be a

little sticky now.

-I'm tired.

May I lay down?

-You may not.

-We told everybody we met about

you being sick, Mr. Wilson.

-You told everybody?

Dennis, you didn't?

Oh, no.

-Bye, Mrs. Wilson.

-Bye, Mrs. Wilson.

-Bye, bye, boys.

Thank you very much for coming.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye.

-Bye, bye.

-Hello, children.

-Hi, Dr. Baker.

-I'll be over to see you

in a few minutes, Dennis.

-Mom called Dr. Baker.

He's going to look

at my tonsils.

-My brother keeps his

tonsils in a glass jar.

-Doesn't that hurt

when he swallows?

-Whew, what a day.

Now maybe I can relax and read--

[door bell]

-Oh, not again.

-Well, Dr. Baker?

-Eloise.

What's this I hear about John?

He got another

doctor or something?

-What in the world

makes you think that?

-Well, what should I think?

He won't come to see me.

And now I hear he's sick.

It's all over town.

-All over town?

Dear, that little

white lie has spread.

-What's that?

-Never mind.

Doctor, I have tried to

get him to come to see you.

But you know how stubborn he is.

He's up there now,

and I hope you

have better luck than I've had.

[knock on door]

-What's going on, John?

-What are you doing here?

If that wife of mine--

-Simmer down.

It wasn't her.

I knew you needed an

examination, John.

I told you that a month ago.

So I popped in to--

-Well, you can

just pop out again,

and don't send me a bill.

-Not feeling too well, eh?

-I feel great.

It's just that I'm-- I'm tired.

So?

-Well, you might

sleep a whole lot

better if you took

your shoes off.

-Oh, very funny.

-Now, you be at the

hospital by four, John.

I'll see about a room for

you for a couple of days.

-Hospital?

Now just a minute.

-Now, either you be there

to have that examination

that you've been

postponing for so long

or you can get yourself

another doctor.

-Why, that old fuddy duddy.

Oh.

-Well, what are you

going to do, John?

-I'm going to get

undressed and get into bed.

Between you and Dennis and the

Mitchells and that-- that nosy,

old quack that just

left here, my day

off is making me

a nervous wreck.

-Well, what do you

think, Dr. Baker?

-Well, I'd say those

tonsils are going

to have to come out

sooner or later, Alice.

-Let's make it later.

-We'll talk about

that, young man.

-Hey, Dennis, we're

waiting for you.

-I'm coming, Tommy.

Excuse me.

-You gonna get your

tonsils out, Dennis?

-I guess so.

-How many you got?

Six?

-People don't have

six tonsils, Seymour.

They have two.

-Well, come on now, guys.

We got to think how to keep

everything quiet so Mr.

Wilson can rest up and get well.

Jeepers.

Reverend Stone.

Boy, Mr. Wilson must

be getting worse.

Now we're really going to

have to try and help him.

[dog barking]

-Come on, g*ng.

We got to make that

dog stop barking.

[dog barking]

-Sergeant Mooney,

fancy meeting you here.

-

-Good afternoon, Mrs. Elkins.

I was about to say the

same thing to you too.

-Mr. Quigley just told me about

Mr. Wilson's sudden illness.

-I know.

You're, uh, finally

getting results

from the pin stuck in that

doll that looks like him, huh?

-Sergeant.

I'm simply here as

a good neighbor.

In spite of our not

always seeing eye to eye,

the man is a human

being in his own way.

-Well, I'm quite concerned

about John Wilson too, you know.

-You, Sergeant?

-Well, yes.

I'm here to collect the

eight bucks he owes me

just in case he decides to

kick the bucket, [laughs].

[door bell]

-Oh, Mrs. Elkins,

Sergeant Mooney.

What a nice surprise.

Come on in.

-We just thought we'd

drop by for a moment.

-Well, I'm so glad you did.

Oh, John, will be so pleased.

Well, just go along upstairs.

I have a few things to

tend to in the kitchen.

Oh, uh, Reverend

Stone is with him now.

But he'll be leaving soon.

-Reverend Stone?

My goodness.

-He must be worse

than we thought.

-If Eloise brought you

over here to talk me

into going to the hospital,

Reverend, it's no use.

-No, John.

No.

I'm more concerned with your

soul than with your body.

-Well, I guess we told

that dumb old dog off.

-I wonder what Reverend

Stone told Mr. Wilson.

-Maybe Mr. Wilson put a slug

in the collection plate.

-Children.

-Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hi.

-Boys, you've done

a wonderful job

keeping the neighborhood quiet.

However, Mr. Wilson has had

his nap, and he's awake now.

-Is he feeling any better?

We saw Reverend

Stone go in and--

-He's going to be

just fine, Dennis.

-Did you hear that, kids?

Mr. Wilson's better.

-Eh, maybe I could just

stick my head in, huh?

I don't want to

go hitting him up

for any money at

a time like this.

-I should think not if the

poor man's bearing his soul,

especially since he

has so much to bear.

-You're not a young

man anymore, John.

And the time has come to

make your peace before you

take an, uh, unexpected

journey one of these days.

-I assure you, Reverend,

I have no intention

of taking an unexpected

journey in the near future.

-I got to get back to the job.

I'll just say hello.

REVEREND STONE

(OFFSCREEN): My son,

this is one trip we all take.

And, unfortunately,

it's always one way.

You're not a young

man anymore, John.

And the time has come to make

your peace before you take--

-Poor man.

-Gee, I never dreamed

he was that far gone.

-Oh, my goodness.

You two didn't stay long.

-You poor, brave woman.

-We had our differences,

Mrs. Wilson.

But basically he was a good man.

-Just yesterday he was his

old, healthy, nasty self.

-I know, I know.

He even called me a fat head.

-I doubt very much if that

man can ever be saved.

-Sergeant Mooney.

Oh, the poor man.

-There, there, Mrs. Elkins.

Maybe he'll still pull through.

I wasn't worried about

a lousy eight bucks.

-Oh, I-- I've

treated him terribly.

Remember the time

I had him arrested

for burning his smelly old

incinerator after hours?

-I remember.

I'm the one that arrested him

once he called me a flat foot.

-Just last week I accused him of

ten canning my cat, Tinkerbell.

-John, what in the

world is going on?

-Eloise, how can

you stand there dry

eyed while this whole wonderful

town is crying over me?

-Uh, Eloise, I'll see

you in a few hours.

-Oh, John, you're dressed.

I knew you'd come

to your senses.

A few hours?

Dr. Baker expects you to stay in

the hospital at least two days.

-I'm not going to the hospital.

I'm going to the sports show.

-Oh, John.

You can't.

-Eloise, I am not going

to miss that show.

I've already tell you there's

to be a demonstration of fly

casting by the world's champion

trout fisherman, and I am not--

-The afternoon paper.

-John Wilson ill with

mysterious malady.

Well known citizen

suddenly stricken at home.

I finally made the front page.

-Now the whole town thinks

you really are sick.

-Thanks to Dennis

spreading it around.

-Well, you would tell

him a little white lie.

-Well, just relax, my dear.

I'm going to disguise myself

so no one will recognize me.

I'm going to put on this old,

slouch hat, this overcoat,

and then I have

some dark glasses.

-John.

-Hmm?

-I'm thinking of disguising

myself as a widow.

-Maybe you ought to ask Mr.

Wilson to go to the sports show

with us, Dad.

-Oh, I doubt that Mr. Wilson

feels that much better, son.

-Hey, Dad, look.

There's Mr. Wilson.

-John.

-Henry, uh, it's you.

-Well, John, I thought

you were still in bed.

-Oh.

Well, no, I was

just going down, uh,

to the hospital to get

some special medicine.

-Well, my goodness.

Come on.

We'll take you down.

Come on.

Get in the car.

-Oh, no.

Henry, really, I'd

just as soon walk.

-Oh, we won't takes

no for an answer.

-Come on, Mr. Wilson.

-I'd prefer to-- I

don't want to put you

through all that trouble.

-Remember, you take a taxi home.

-I'll tell you all about the

sport's show when I see you,

Mr. Wilson.

-You do that, Dennis.

-See you.

-Doc.

-Well, it's about time, John.

Your room is all ready.

-Oh, now you don't, Doc.

-Now, John, you stop that.

-Hmm?

No, look, you don't understand.

-John, it's for your own good.

-Come on, let go, doctor.

-John.

-Let go.

-Let go.

-Boys.

-What do you think you're doing?

Doc, come on now.

Be reasonable.

Doc.

-There.

Now this isn't so bad, is it?

-Well, at least I can get

all those silly tests over

with at one time.

-Like Dr. Baker's been

telling you to for a month.

-Eloise, just imagine, two

whole days without Dennis.

-Hi, Mr. Wilson.

Hi, Mrs. Wilson.

-Hello, dear.

-Dennis, what are

you doing here?

-This young man decided

to have his tonsils out.

-You didn't?

-Alice and I finally convinced

the hospital to let Dennis

be with you.

-What?

-I thought you'd be

surprised, Mr. Wilson.

Now we can share

a room together.

-Isn't that wonderful, John?

-That's just peachy dandy.

Good night.

[applause]

[theme music]

MALE SPEAKER