02x28 - Going Underground

[bunniefuu]

Do you guys realize we've all

been working here for almost a

year?

Ugh, there better be life

beyond Khaki Barn, that's all I

can say.

Oh, come on.

It hasn't been that bad.

And this summer's gonna be

awesome!

Yup, another summer napping

at Stick-It sounds pretty sweet.

Have you given up all

pretence of doing any actual

work?

You got it.

Found the next store you're

gonna get fired from yet,

Jonesy?

Actually, I have.

Brace yourselves, people.

Taj Ma-Home Video has just

opened in the mall!

No way!

Don't tease me, dude!

I tease you not.

And employees get % off

everything in the store.

Yeah, it's true!

My brother works at the east end

store, and they have a sick

employees-only movie theatre!

It's like a little taste of

heaven right here in the mall,

and I'm gonna go get me some of

that.

Have you guys seen Wyatt

today?

Not yet.

I'm kind of getting worried

about him.

Serena just dumped Wyatt for

Chad and Wyatt's not taking it

very well.

He's kind of--

Obsessed.

(Groaning)

Opstay alkingtay boutay

erenaSay!

Hey, how's it going, dude?

(Sighing)

I just don't get it.

What does she see in that guy?

Oh, man!

Are we gonna go there again?

I can't help it.

I miss her.

We better get studying.

Oh, right!

We'll be over at Grind Me if

anyone's looking for us.

Ow!

Oh no!

Are you okay?

Nice swing, girl!

I'm so sorry!

That's okay, it's just my

eye.

Grind Me.

That's where we used to hang

out.

(Sighing)

Better get to work.

Is she gonna be there?

Serena?

Yeah, she's the manager.

I can't believe you're

still working together.

Seriously!

Maybe that's why it's so hard

for you to get over her.

Especially with that Chad

dude.

I'm fine, really!

I can handle it!

(Smacking)

(Screaming)

(Groaning)

Wyatt!

What's up?

Nothing!

Just wondering if you wanted a

coffee?

No, thanks.

Yeah, I'd dig a coffee.

Hook me up.

(Kissing)

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend



all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

starting to find my way ♪

♪ Got a new job

gonna start at the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen sixteen

♪ Got to make the good times

last ♪

Yeah, hey, man.

Do you have that song, the one

where the girl stomps on the

guy's heart and squishes it into

the ground?

Oh, that song!

Hold on.

Excuse me, Serena, this customer

would like to find some song

about a girl stomping a guy's

heart.

And I thought, since you're so

good at that, you might be able

to help him.

Have a nice day.

JONESY: Kristen, Kirsten!

What's up, girls?

Shh!

Jonesy, what are you doing here?

Same thing as you, applying

for a job!

You can't tell Chrissy we're

here.

This is, like, khaki treason!

I thought you liked working

at Khaki Barn.

We love Khaki Barn!

But we heard that you can get so

much more popular if you work at

this store!

Check another point for the

Taj.

Plus, all the hottest guys

shop here for movies.

And uncheck that point.

Later, girls!

(Coughing)

Ugh!

Sorry, dude.

Hate it when that happens.

Just give me a beefsteak

kebab.

There you go, man, and it's

half price because of the

popcorn on the forehead thing.

Whatever.

(Whimpering)

How's it look?

CAITLIN: Ooh!

Ew, I don't know what's grosser,

the black eye or the fact that

he's got raw meat on his face.

Ow!

Oh, I'm sorry!

Oh, no, does it hurt?

It's not that bad, really.

(Groaning)

I'm just gonna have the mall

nurse take a look at it.

Guys, this is so bad!

That's the second thing I've

done to him today!

Calm down.

It was just an accident.

Yeah, but I get so clumsy

when I like a guy.

And I really like this one.

He's gonna dump me any minute!

Just relax.

A guy would never dump a girl

over a little coffee burn and a

black eye.

Yeah, but that's not all I've

done!

I tripped him in our chemistry

class, and last night, I

accidentally opened my car door

right onto his... kiwis.

Ouch!

I know, right?



I'm so getting dumped!

I need a hot chocolate.

Do you really think he'd dump

her?

She squished his kiwis with a

car door.

Yeah, but that's not that big

a deal.

I mean, he's okay now.

Trust me, guys do not forget

that kind of thing.

But dump her?

Really?

Alright.

There's a scientific way to

figure this out.

Come on!

Wow, I'm glad I don't have

kiwis.

I hear you, sister.

Wake up!

These men are from the Board of

Public Health.

You've violated section, blah,

blah, blah, Mall Security Act,

blah, blah, blah, minimum

standards, blah, blah, blah,

health risk.

Are you reading me, punk?

Wow, those suckers are really

hard to k*ll.

This young man was so

disturbed by the incident that

he fainted right here in the

food court.

You fainted?

(Chuckling)

Shut up, it's gross, man!

Officer, I think you'll want

to see this.

RON: Ahh!

Son, I haven't seen a room that

disgusting since my days...

cleaning the boot camp latrines!

Well, who's supposed to clean

it?

Because, whoever they were, they

clearly did not do a very good

job.

You were supposed to clean

it, soldier!

Okay, sheesh.

All you had to do was tell me.

As of this minute, Stick-It

is officially closed for

business.

Right.

Until when?

Until these white dudes clean it

up?

Forever!

End of the line!

Party's over!

You'll never work in food

services again!

Capisce?

Hmm.

(Snoring)

What am I gonna do without

Stick-It?

I had it so good there.

No boss--

No ugly uniform.

And, apparently, no mop.

So, wait.

You never cleaned that place?

Nuh-uh.

But you handled the food

safely, right?

I mean, you didn't let it come

in contact with anything dirty.

I live by the three second

rule.

If it's on the ground less than

three second, it's cool.

(Gasping)

One chicken lickin' stick-it.

You got it.

Mmm!

Thanks!

(Groaning)

(Stomach churning)

Ow!

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I just threw up a bit in my

mouth.

Jude, that is so gross!

Okay, okay.

I got fired, didn't I?



(Sighing)

Why don't you join Jonesy at

the Taj?

I don't know, dude.

Stick-It was, like, my dream

job!

They have that private

screening room.

That, I could deal with.

Later!

Hey, dude.

Mad line-up.

Yo, I heard you got canned

from Stick-It.

You never forget your first

time.

Thanks, dude.

The buzz around this place is

awesome!

Check it out!

These two are defects from

Underground Video across the

hall.

Defects, Jude!

Hey, I can't wait to work

somewhere where you can be nice

to customers.

You weren't allowed before?

Obviously, you've never been

to Underground Video.

Did you see the help wanted

sign in the window?

Man, I pity the poor suckers

who take our old jobs.

The chick behind me said that

you get to set your own hours.

I predict I'll fit in well

here.

Jude!

Dude!

JEN: Guys, we're taking a

poll.

Would you dump a girlfriend just

because she answered the phone

"Yello"?

I would.

It's annoying.

Told you.

Okay, do you two mind?

We're trying to get our

interview on here.

Fine.

Okay, what about bad hair?

NIKKI: Huh!

Don't even get me started.

Okay, how's my resume look?

Your resume's four pages

long?

I've worked at a lot of

places.

For one day!

Your point?

(Growling)

CUSTOMER: Um, excuse me.

Would you recommend this album

for my teen daughter?

Definitely, she'll love it!

I wouldn't trust her opinion,

if I were you.

She'll probably say she loves

it, then turn around and say she

loves some other one more.

Hmm.

Wyatt?

CHAD: What are you doing?

Rearranging the singles.

They were already

alphabetical.

Yeah?

Well, now they're random.

It's a nice metaphor for life,

don't you think?

You think you've got something

great like Five Star Planet, and

instead you've got Jack Squat

and the Losers.

But as the only single person

working here, I think I'm

uniquely qualified to organize

the singles.

Wyatt, I know you're hurt,

but you've got to get it

together, or I'm going to have

to do something.

I'm fine, really.

Okay.

(Grumbling)

I feel so bad!

Does it hurt?

It's okay, babe.



You know, second-degree burns,

no biggie.

Ow!

(Gasping)

(Loud rock music playing)

Wyatt?

I'd like to dedicate this

song, "I Hope You Choke," to

Serena and Chad.

The two people I like the least

in the whole world right now.

Congrats, guys!

Good job!

Oh, this is bad!

We need to talk.

Fine, talk!

(Volume increasing)

This isn't working out.

You're freaking out the

customers and totally

embarrassing me!

I'm sorry, Wyatt, I have to let

you go!

What?

I can't hear you!

I said...

(Music turning off)

You're fired!

(Feedback whining)

(Gasping)

Ouch!

(Gasping)

MANAGER: Next!

(Gasping)

(Chuckling)

Hey, Blade!

Christo!

You're the new managers?

Jonesy.

Didn't we fire you before?

No, well, you know, past is

past?

(Nervous laughing)

JUDE: Uh, about that fainting

thing, it's our little secret.

(Screaming)

JONESY: Oof!

(Screaming)

(Thudding)

This is so unfair!

This store isn't nearly as cool

as they say it is!

Yeah!

And I just want y'all to know,

that dude fainted today!

(Chuckling)

Oh, man!

I really wanted that job, too!

This bites!

(Children sobbing)

Okay, % of the people

polled say wearing the same

underwear two days in a row

equals dump city.

So % think that it's okay?

Yuck!

Probably the same ones who

buy that three second rule.

Hey!

Did you get the jobs?

No.

Dudes didn't even let us apply.

What did you do to that guy,

anyway?

There may have been a

Stick-It with a cockroach

involved.

I can't believe this just

happened.

(Phone ringing)

Yello.

CAITLIN: You won't believe

what just happened.

Wyatt got fired!

Wyatt got fired?

Oh no!

He's not taking it very

well, guys.

I think he's in shock.

Oh, man now all three of us

have no jobs!

Not necessarily.

Caitlin, tell Wyatt to come

down to Underground Video.

What?

We can't work there!

Not after the dream that was

Taj Ma-Home Video!

No one else is hiring right

now, boys.



Your choice.

(Groaning)

Wyatt, they're hiring at

Underground Video.

I don't care.

You'd be working with the

guys.

Come on!

We are not gonna let this girl

get you down.

Fine, whatever.

You're a really good friend,

you know that?

Stop!

We have to have at least three

feet of room between us at all

times!

(Chuckling)

That might make it hard for

me to kiss you.

I'm serious!

Don't you see?

People get dumped all the time,

and then they get fired!

And it can all be over some

little thing.

Only this thing is really big!

I really don't know what

you're talking about.

Okay.

(Sighing)

I'm really afraid you'll break

up with me for being so clumsy

and destructive.

Don't you see?

It would take much more than a

burn, a bump, a black eye, and

what happened last night to make

me give you up.

You're the greatest girl I ever

met.

Really?

Really.

Now, come here.

(Slurping)

I have to break up with him!

But I thought you really

liked him.

That was before I knew he

was the worst kisser on the

face of the earth!

I felt like a postage stamp!

UNISON: Eww!

His tongue was everywhere.

I still have residual drool on

my chin!

(Splattering)

What the--?

Haven't you kissed him

before?

No!

Not a serious kiss, just a peck.

I have to break up with him.

The sooner, the better.

No!

You can't dump him for that!

He didn't break up with you, and

you almost put him in the

hospital.

Maybe he just never learned how

to kiss.

What if you could teach him?

Hey, that's not a bad idea!

Know any kissing experts

personally?

No, but there's a couple

romantic comedies playing.

Maybe if he sees how it's done,

he'll get it!

Talon is a keeper, and I can't

abandon him now!

Told you so!

(Sighing)

Okay, let's do this.

Hey, man, we're here about the

jobs.

I said, we're here to apply for

the positions!

I heard you, man.

We're not hiring.

There was a sign in your

window.

Yeah, that was more of a joke

than anything.

But we all just got fired,

and we really need new jobs!

(Grunting)

Ow!

(Sighing)

What are your qualifications?



Don't touch that!

Check these out!

Okay, I'm feeling saucy

today.

I'll hire you and you.

Awesome!

Why them?

I don't know.

Why not?

Well, can I at least hang out

here for a while?

Free country, dude.

(Sighing)

This chick dumped him and

then fired him.

Wow!

Sucks to be you, man!

Thanks.

This is the constantly

evolving "Wayne's Picks" wall.

Excuse me.

In a minute.

You do not touch the "Wayne's

Picks" wall, you do not

question the "Wayne's Picks"

wall.

In fact, don't even say "Wayne's

Picks" wall.

Cool!

Where's my wall?

Whoa, slow way down there,

man!

You don't just get a wall, you

have to earn a wall.

Um, well, I'm kind of in a--

Hold your hose, sir, I'll be

right with you.

But let's say, purely

hypothetically speaking, that

you each got to pick three

favourites, what would you pick?

I really just want to buy

this.

(Sighing)

What about parts two and

three?

You can't buy just part one,

okay?

They were written as a trilogy,

they were filmed, nay,

conceived as a trilogy.

Taking only one of them home

would be like leaving two of

your newborn triplets at the

hospital.

Would you do that?

Would you abandon two of your

babies?

You know what?

You don't deserve to own this

movie.

Come back when you've given it

some thought.

Whoa.

That was kind of harsh.

It was the right thing to do.

But you didn't make the

sale!

Some things are more

important.

So then, why do you carry the

DVDs individually?

Why not sell them only as a

trilogy?

Because some other stores

have no principles or loyalty

to the art of cinema, and will

sell individual parts of a

trilogy to a customer, whether

it's good for them or not!

Think if we kissed up across

the hall, they'd let us work

there?

Not a chance.

WOMAN: I love your soft, dry

kisses.

Wow, look at the way he

kisses.

It looks so soft, so gentle, and

so dry.

Doesn't that look nice?

Yeah.

That gives me an idea.

(Slurping)

Eww!

I'm sorry, I can't do this.

You kiss like a Golden

Retriever!

Huh.

Not bad.



They're eclectic, original,

unexpected.

You can stay.

How did you do that?

I just picked covers that I

thought looked cool.

You picked "Top M-s."

Duh, it's a classic.

Yeah.

It offends me that this DVD is

even in this store!

Take it off!

Off!

It can't be that bad.

It's part of your inventory.

It was there as a test.

Any movie that contains men

playing beach volleyball against

each other qualifies for

instant disqualification.

Come on, man, what's with you?

May I remind you that it

grossed over million

at the box office--

(Gasping)

Oh!

You did not just give me the

hand!

You suck!

Oh, I haven't heard that one

before.

Quick, name your top three films

of all time!

Uh, "Guilty With an

Explanation," "Never Swim

Alone," and "Monk, the Green

Dragon."

Not bad.

I could do time with you.

You're hired.

Sweet!

We'll all be working together.

Oh, sorry, dude, I forgot.

You're fired.

What?

Oh well.

I didn't really want to work

here, anyway.

I wanted to work at Taj Ma-Home

Video.

Shocker!

Check it out!

They're having a party!

(Dance music)

(Sighing)

'Sup, girls?

I broke up with Talon.

NIKKI: What's with you?

JONESY: Well, I got fired

again.

Wow, rough day all around.

So much for a fabulous new

job and new year at the mall.

At least we all have each

other.

(Laughing)

Oh, sorry, was that touching

moment for real?

(Laughing)

(Dance music)

(Moaning)

(Sighing)

Happy one year anniversary,

guys!

This is so lame.

JONESY: I'll take hers.

No, no, I'll have some.

Lame cake tastes the same as

unlame cake.

(Sighing)

Do you guys think I was being

too harsh when I dumped Talon?

No way!

He's a lousy kisser, I'd fire

him!

Yeah, but he's so cute.

(Gasping)

Talon, wait!

Talon!

TALON: Oh, man!

CAITLIN: I've been thinking,

and maybe I shouldn't have--

(Crashing)

(Talon groaning)

Ooh, icing's hard to get out

of khakis.

Aw!

That's it!

I'm gonna die alone!

(Sobbing)



Don't worry.

You'll always have us.

(Hysterical sobbing)

♪