02x35 - In a Retail Wonderland

[bunniefuu]

:

♪

So, little bunny dude, you

ever heard the one where the

turtle is faster than the

rabbit?

What is the matter with

people?

No returns 'till after

Christmas.

How hard is that?

Hey Jen, how's work going?

Christmas shoppers are evil!

(Heavy breathing)

No, this year, I will be calm.

I bet Coach Halder will be

stoked to hear that!

Don't mention his name!

Whoa, sorry I mentioned

Coach--

(Babbling)

Halder.

(Screaming)

Do you realize, I get a

picture in my head every time

you say his name?

Okay, you've got to chill.

You're freaking out my friend

here.

Aw, where did you get him?

Err...

Hey!

So, this is what it's come

to?

Stealing bunnies.

I thought I looked evil in the

face, but this takes the

Christmas cake.

I'm taking this poor,

defenceless creature back to the

living manger display.

Why is there a bunny in a

manger?

They couldn't get donkeys.

Why doesn't he get a dog,

like a normal cop?

'Sup, J?

Got me a sweet new gig,

that's what.

Doing what?

Since I kicked butt on the

Christmas decorating crew, they

put me on gift wrapping detail.

Hold on, you actually did

well at something?

Heck yes, check it out!

Pretty sweet, huh?

You put up that tree?

And decorated it?

You don't believe me?

BOTH: We believe you.

I gotta get gift wrapping.

Aren't you working, today?

Don't remind me!

'Cause if you late, Coach--

(Mumbling)

Hadler--

(Screaming)

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

My parents are trying to

take me to Acapulco for my

Christmas present.

Wow, that's pretty nice of

them.

Uh, do you remember my

parents?

They're like Christmas elves



on overdrive.

They sing Christmas carols.

My mom does non-stop Christmas

baking, and my dad "Ho-Ho-Ho's"

for the entire month.

I'd love to go somewhere hot.

Hey Nikki, it's always

sizzling at Chez Jonesy.

Note to skin, start crawling.

(Phone ringing)

Thanks for calling Gift Girl,

how can I help you shop?

Yep, I'll have the perfect

present for you this afternoon.

What's with the Gift Girl

thing?

I've started a new business.

Say you're a guy, and you have

no clue what to get your

sweetie.

You call me, and I do the

shopping for you.

You get paid to shop?

Can the world be anymore

perfect?

Gotta shop, see you guys later.

Wait, you're just going to

close the Lemon?

That's the great thing about

working here.

I don't have somebody breathing

down my neck all day like you do

with that annoying Coach Halder.

(Screaming)

He's driving me crazy!

(Crying)

See ya.

Gotta fly.

Check you later.

Okay, you need some serious

chilling out, dude.

And I know just who to call.

Hey Jude, oh, for sure!

I've got some totally relaxing

yoga moves for Jen.

She'll be Zen'd out in no time.

What the?

Okay, who replaced the Titanium

batteries with ordinary Alkaline

ones?

That was all they had at the

Nothing Over A Dollar Store.

They're crap!

Re-catalogue all the foreign

language documentaries pronto

and I may not fire you!

You're late, if you're slacking

off just because it's Christmas,

I'm on to you.

I'll set up the holiday

movies display.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

We don't have any Christmas

movies.

Sure we do.

We have, like, six of them.

Seven if you count this

German docu-drama on Kris

Kringle.

It's narrated by David

Hasselhoff.

Ah?

No display, Christmas movies

suck.

But watching Christmas

classics is a yearly ritual for

lots of people.

Getting a colonoscopy is a

yearly ritual for lots of

people too, but that doesn't

mean I want a colonoscopy

display in my store.

This is such a sweet job!

I look like a totally

sensitive, creative guy.

Chicks love that!

Later.

Need your boat wrapped,

captain?

Umm.

Ahoy, matey!

You have yourself a good day

now, you hear?

Another satisfied customer.

Move along, no loitering in

the mall, maggot.

This is a gift wrapping

table.

And you're a gift wrapper?

Many would say gifted



wrapper.

(Whispering)

What's the money like?

Pretty decent, plus tips.

I'll just make a note of

that.

You raised shopping to an

Olympic art form!

Thanks, I do train a lot.

Chrissy, can you give me a

week off to go on vacation with

my family?

Oh, I wish I could but I

don't like you.

Well, they can't say I

didn't ask.

Hello.

There's our island princess!

What are you doing here?

I told you I'm not coming, just

let me stay with Jen.

Hello young lady.

Excuse me.

We need some wild and crazy

resort wear but I need you to

make sure my wife doesn't spend

all our trip money before we

leave.

(Giggling)

(Sighing)

Here we go.

Did Nikki tell you we are

taking her to Acapulco?

Well, actually we'll be just

outside of Acapulco in the town

of Costa Not Mucha!

(Laughing)

You know, you can save a

bundle by not taking me, Dad.

Now listen, young lady,

what's a Dad have to do to get

his daughter a few days off?

Too bad, they can't spare me,

Dad, it's Christmas, remember?

Just write down what days you

want off, Nikki, and they are

all yours.

Gee, thanks!

Star?

Hey Jen, come in.

Okay, first try the Reaching

Monkey.

Huh?

Good, now try the Preying

Mantis.

(Gasping)

Wow, you're really flexible,

Jen.

Bring it on.

I only have a fifteen minute

break from work.

The next position is Blowing

the Tiger's Mind.

Okay, this is kind of hot.

(Giggling)

What are you doing here,

Jude?

Staring mostly.

Jude's here as part of your

Zen training.

Jen Lotus.

Coach Halder.

Coach Halder!

Coach Halder, Coach Halder,

Coach Halder, Coach Halder!

Wow, you totally stayed calm!

I can't believe it!

I'm de-stressing!

It worked!

This is the best Christmas

present ever!

That was awesome!

Hmm, I wonder what else I can do

for people that doesn't involve

buying stuff?

So Nikki, you planning on

staying under the table all day

'cause I could use a foot rub.

Just let me know if you see

my parents.

Coast is clear.

I know we have a date

tonight, Connor, but work is

really busy now.

Oh Jonesy!

I gotta go.

(Phone clicking)

I need these wrapped in twenty

minutes.

Hold on, if you want these



wrapped individually, then

you're looking at five to seven

hours minimum.

Hey!

We'll have them done for you

in twenty.

We will?

Roger that.

Okay then!

How come you're in on my

action?

Security may look heroic,

glamorous even, but the pay is

noticeably underwhelming and

I've got Christmas presents to

buy.

Now, wrap!

And I'm saying that your %

off coupon has expired, ma'am.

Masterson!

The customer is always right.

So honour that coupon.

You got that, missy?

(Growling)

Just a sec.

I need one more minute in Dragon

Pose.

(Gasping)

Nice work.

And kind of hot.

Is that all you want?

Tape?

I'm making my own Christmas

presents this year.

I tried to make the tape too,

but it's a little trickier than

it sounds.

This is for you, dude.

It's a leather DVD holder for

your belt.

That is the dumbest thing I

ever heard of.

Whoa, that was harsh.

I can't believe you had a

copy of Winter Pudding.

A Christmas classic.

Christmas classic, bah!

(Phone ringing)

Gift Girl.

How can I help--

Connor!

I told you I need to keep my

phone free for customers!

Don't forget the

pre-Christmas Get-Together

tomorrow.

I won't.

(Phone ringing)

Gift Girl--

Connor!

Stop calling me!

Why don't you come to our

pre-Christmas party?

Yeah!

No!

Get back to work.

Connor, come on!

We do so see each other,

sometimes.

Your breaking up with me?

Hello?

Connor?

I can't believe this is

happening.

(Phone ringing)

This is Gift Girl.

How can I help you shop?

(Sighing)

I don't know, I can't decide.

I mean, what difference does it

make?

(Crying)

Are you okay?

No!

I'm not okay!

This should be a no brainer but

just don't care.

Oh my gosh, I think I lost my

will to shop!

Who's your daddy?

Where did you get those

bells?

That's classified.

It takes a man to know how to

use them.

Hey Jonesy!

I have your Christmas present

for you, bro!

All right, thanks Jude!

Made it myself.



It's a Mistletoe hat!

Whenever wear it, and you turn

near a girl, the Mistletoe will

be right over your heads!

She has to kiss you!

This is best gift I ever got,

dude.

Check it out!

(Gasping, screaming)

Watch where you point that

thing, son!

I think I need some space.

Yeah, you go.

Good idea.

I, uh, guess I'll go, too.

I'm worried about Caitlyn.

She hasn't even opened the Lemon

today.

Bummer.

I have a Christmas present to

give her.

It's a personal shopping

transportation device!

It looks like your old

skateboard.

Not just my old skateboard,

my old Alex Chalmer's

skateboard.

We saw some good times, buddy.

(Phone dialling)

I'm going to try her again.

(Phone ringing)

Caitlyn, what are you doing?

I can't shop!

(Groaning)

Okay, calm down.

What do you mean, you can't

shop?

I've lost my retail mojo!

Connor broke up with me.

Who's Connor?

My boyfriend.

When did you get a boyfriend?

I've been too busy shopping

to introduce him to you.

Oh, this is the first time

shopping has ever caused a break

up!

Come on, you've got to get

your mind off this.

(Sniffing)

What are you doing?

Mulling spices.

They give the store a Christmas

vibe.

Good, 'cause I've decided

we're going to be opened

Christmas Day.

What?

Yeah, you were right.

People really eat up this

holiday crap.

Be in early to serve up more of

that Christmas vibe.

You look like Santa just

brought you a bag of barf.

This is just not right!

Where is your heart!

Your holiday spirit!

WAYNE: Bah humbug!

I baked some Christmas

cookies.

We've got short bread Uzis,

chocolate grenades, and

gingerbread security men.

I'll take gingerbread

security man.

Hmm.

♪ (Kazoo playing carols)

Come on, you have to help me

think up a way I can bail on my

folks.

It's Connor!

Huh?

♪ (Kazoo playing carols)

(Whispering) That's him.

That's Connor.

The one with the antlers?

He said he had a part time

job.

I didn't know it was that bad.

Caitlyn, I know it will take

some time, but you'll get over

him eventually.

How can he wear antlers?

This coming from someone who

wears a lemon head to work?

I used to think he was so hot

and now, he's just antler guy.

Guys all over this mall are



counting on me to find the

perfect present.

Am I going to tell them I didn't

find it because of some goof in

an antler hat?

Uh, no?

You bet I won't!

Oh, thank you for helping me get

over him, Nikki!

You're the best!

No problem.

Gift Girl has work to do and

the first person I'm helping is

you!

(Gasping)

A spray on tanning store?

What did you say you're

getting your parents for

Christmas?

A book on art?

Nuh-uh, new plan.

You're going with them to

Acapulco!

No way.

Listen to me, your parents

are planning this trip for you.

You can't stay behind.

You'll have a crappy time and

you'll break their hearts.

Sometimes accepting a gift is

the same as giving a gift.

Huh, that actually makes

sense.

Now, get in there,

girlfriend, and get sprayed so

you don't blind everyone on the

beach.

(Snoring)

Uh, Wayne?

(Grunting)

We're going on a break.

(Yawning, snoring, mumbling)

(Grunting)

Hey.

(Screaming)

Who and what are you?

I am the ghost of Christmas

past.

Your past and I want to show you

something.

(Clicking)

Hey, that's me!

I used to watch movies all day

long as a kid.

You peed your pants during

that movie.

Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to

miss anything so I'd never go to

the bathroom.

Did that boy want to grow to

be mean and bossy?

No.

No, he didn't.

Two other spirits will visit

you.

(Clicking)

WYATT: Come over here, Wayne.

Are you--

The ghost of Christmas

present.

Look.

That's me!

Look at you today.

You may not pee in your pants,

but you're a mean, crusty,

bossy, sarcastic, jerk of a

boss, who makes us work on

Christmas.

Hey, are you here to teach me

a lesson or insult me, buddy?

Sorry.

What you need to learn about is

the real meaning of Christmas.

Wait, wait!

Dude!

(Screaming)

Are you the Ghost of

Christmas yet to come?

Totally, behold!

Why is everything red?

'Cause in the future, we'll

all be living on Mars, dude.

What does that got to do with

what I have to learn about

Christmas?

Not much, I guess.

It just blows me away that, one

day, we'll all be living on

Mars.

Oh, is that it?



Yeah--

No, wait!

There's something about the real

meaning of Christmas!

Okay, what is it?

You must learn to be a nicer

person before it's too late!

What do you mean by that?

Before, like, before I'm dead?

Dude, you don't have to get

all heavy on me.

I got to slide.

Whoa!

Oh man, I hope it's not too

late.

(Gasping)

What happened?

What?

Don't I look golden brown?

You only tanned have your

body!

What?!

Nikki, you were supposed to

turn around half way through.

Well, nobody told me that!

I have to go back and get done

again.

What time are your parents

picking you up?

Three.

It's three now.

What?

You have to go!

But I'm only half tanned.

You'll be fine.

When you get to the beach, lay

white side up.

(Groaning)

Oops, uh, Merry Christmas!

(Laughing)

What day is it?

Why it's Christmas Eve!

The spirits did it all in one

power nap.

Of course they did!

They can do anything!

Do you know the grocery store at

the end of the mall?

Do you know the big bag of chips

in the window?

Well, go get it for me and there

will be a % off coupon for

Underground Video with your name

on it.

I actually feels good to be

nice.

Who knew?

Your sales are way down this

week, Masterson.

With numbers like this, you'll

be laid of in January.

There you are!

Okay, I need a ski parka, a set

of snow shoes, a snowboard,

three tuques--

Are you serious?

What for?

A client just got married and

has to buy presents for all his

female in-laws and there's lots

so let's move.

Huh, well, look's like you

came through in the clutch

there.

Merry Christmas.

BOTH: Merry Christmas, Nikki!

You know what?

I've decided I don't care what

anyone else thinks.

I'm on vacation.

Hit it, Dad!

BOTH: We wish you a merry

Christmas.

We wish you a merry Christmas.

We wish you a merry Christmas

and a happy new year!

Merry Christmas.

We'll miss you.

Merry Christmas, guys!

We wish you a merry Christmas--

(Sighing)

Oh, bite me, Dracula.

Where's your holiday spirit?

I love Christmas.

Merry Christmas everybody!

It's better to give than to

receive!

Is this a trap?

I've learned the real meaning

of Christmas and I'm going to



spread the Christmas cheer.

(Laughing)

Okay, that was creepy.

But, I'll take creepy Christmas

Wayne over the usual Wayne any

day.

(Cheering, laughing)

Check this out!

I made an ornament for the

tree.

Jude, that's beautiful.

It's a mandala representing

the eternal circle of

friendship.

(Gasping)

Uh-oh.

(Screaming)

Jonesy, wasn't it your job to

make sure that the tree was

secure properly?

The mall must have shifted.

Well, at least it was good no

one was under the tree when it

fell.

(People groaning)

Well, at least not a lot of

people.

(Loud groaning, crying)

(Chuckling)

♪