02x49 - Dirty Work

[bunniefuu]

:

Had a rockin' time.

Catch you later.

But I have to walk you to

your counter.

How else will I know you made it

safely to work?

Um...

(Grunting)

Well, first of all, I'm here.

And there's no girls allowed in

the store on Tuesdays.

Later.

Ah!

Just a little kiss for the

road?

I can't.

That's, uh, another rule.

No kissing in the store.

There's no rule like that

here, Jude.

Oh, I'm pretty sure there is,

dude.

(Sighing)

Yikes!

That was a level- clinger.

Cha!

You're telling me!

I've heard about chicks like

this, but I've never actually

met one.

Tell Jonesy where it hurts.

Okay.

Every time I try to tell Rita

that I want to break up with

her, she goes all psycho on

me and I lose my mojo.

Breaking up is an art.

Luckily, it's an art I've

perfected over many years of

dumping weirdoes.

I've only had one

girlfriend, Star, and she was

perfectly normal.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, let's look at this another

way.

Let's pretend this is your

reverse ollie with a fakie flip.

Okay.

You can do it with your eyes

closed, but every time I try, I

fall flat on my face.

Yeah.

I can learn how to do a fakie

flip, and you can learn how to

break up with girls.

All you need is practice.

How about, instead, I just give

you five big ones to do a fakie

flip on Rita.

You're on!

Sweet.

But just so you know, I

would've done it for free.

Sorry, no refunds.

Dude!

Mine!

♪

♪ Life begins after school

♪ That's when we bend

all the rules ♪

♪ Time to hang

with all my friends ♪

♪ We like to be together

in a place where we belong ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Starting to find my way

♪ Got a new job

♪ Gonna start at

the mall today ♪

♪ Thank God I'm on my own

for the first time ♪

♪ I'm sixteen

♪ Life is sweet

♪ When you're growing up

so fast ♪

♪ You got to make the good

times last ♪

♪

♪ I'm sixteen, sixteen

♪ Got to make the good

times last ♪

I wonder what's keeping

Judykins?

Judykins isn't here, and he's

never going to be here.

You're finished, finito, kaput.

Done like dinner.

See you.

If no one's going to drink that.



It's nothing personal, just

business.

Enjoy your coffee.

Jude!

No!

(Crying)

Wow, that was cold.

So is my chai latte.

(Screaming)

Like I said to psycho chick

over there, it's nothing

personal, it's business.

That's it!

Guys, this is the start of a

whole new Jonesy money-making

empire.

Check it out.

For the low, low price of just

five bucks, I will break

whatever bad news needs to be

broken.

Any place, any time.

You mean, you're going to do

everyone's dirty work for them.

You sure that's a good idea,

bro?

You might make a lot of enemies.

No way, man!

I'll be providing a much-needed

service for the weak and

spineless, while making tons of

coin.

In other words, you'll be the

tactless, unfeeling, completely

selfish person that no one else

wants to be.

Totally!

Okay, then.

The first batch of the Smash

Face Cosmetics line goes on sale

in ten minutes.

It's so hot right now.

Later!

Good luck.

Right.

(Cracking knuckles)

Time to find some customers.

Here, can you tell my

step-brother not to leave his

tighty whities on the bathroom

floor all the time?

Psych!

(Grunting)

Let go, Tricia!

Back off, lemonhead, it's

mine.

But I saw it first.

Yeah, maybe in your bed,

where you're totally dreaming!

(Screaming)

It's mine!

Mine!

Let go!

Oh, look, we forgot to put

the last one out.

Whoa!

Oh, thank you, Diane.

You're my new best friend.

Yes!

I'm going to look so hot.

I'll take it!

That folding board is for the

mini-T's, not the relief-effort

hoodies.

Maybe somebody needs to

repeat the remedial folding

seminar this weekend.

You're right.

I'd better let you guys handle

this.

Hey, Nikki.

(Gasping)

We still on for the concert

this weekend?

Well, you did get the

tickets, so I suppose I'm stuck

with you.

Yes, I know.

Perfection like this must be

hard for you to live up to.

We should try to get there

around :.

Cool.

He's actually cute.

What does he see in her?

Maybe his mom dropped him on

his head when he was a baby.

Our motto is, "We'll do what

you're too chicken to."

What's with the crazy lid?



It's Jonesy's new business.

He breaks bad news to people for

cash.

No way!

So I was, like, your first

official customer.

Sweet!

Yeah, you can pay me later,

Wayne-o.

Jude, get back to work!

You took money from Wayne to

yell at me, bro?

Not cool.

Hey, money's money.

Next.

What the--

(Gasping)

Did you see that?

Those escalator girls think they

own the mall.

So let them have the

escalator.

Who cares?

They don't scare me.

Didn't you hear what happened

to that girl Clara last year?

I thought she moved to Fiji.

That's what the escalator

girls want you to believe.

Right.

Mommy, what happened to that

lady's skin?

(Gasping)

Uh, what's wrong with your

face?

I look hot, don't I?

I don't even need to look in the

mirror.

Smash Face is so quality.

Uh...

Is it too late to demand a

full refund?

Please.

Dark tans are so hot.

Maybe you should apply it to

the rest of your body, then.

I'm sure!

Smash Face is way too expensive

to apply anywhere but to the

face.

Khaki Barn prison duty calls.

Yeah, I better get back too

before Coach Halder sends out a

search party.

(Gasping)

This is so not good.

I have no idea what Nikki

sees in that loser.

Why, because he's not you?

No, it's just that he looks

like a jerk.

I mean, who plays the bongos?

And check out that stupid hair.

Only a strike-out king would

dress like that.

You sound like a guy who's

still not over Nikki.

(Laughing)

Please!

Nikki was a phase.

I'm so over her.

Uh, yeah.

So back to business.

We've got a guy who hired you to

tell his so he's grounded.

Boring.

Got anything in a nice f*ring?

Oh, yeah.

You boss hired me to tell you

you're a girlie little excuse

for a maggot.

Oh, and you're fired.

(Gasping)

(Crying)

There, there.

Your boyfriend just thinks he

can do better, that's all.

(Crying)

Be strong, little angel.

Be strong.

Dude, called, and it wants

its hairdo back.

Hey.

So weak.

Your mom thinks it's time you

had a salad.

Hey, you two!

No one needs to see that!

Take it outside, already.

(Cheering)



This breaking-bad-news

service is the best job I've

ever had.

I just scored dates with five

different chicks on the rebound.

Sweet.

Wait, is one of them Rita?

Ah.

Sorry, dude.

She's totally crazy, but still

hot.

Better you than me, dude.

I don't know, Jonesy.

You were pretty harsh out there.

Please, I'm just the

messenger.

Hey, you!

Give me back my fries.

I'm serious, man.

Hey, I don't care if you're

fat, dude.

Talk to your mom!

They always sh**t the

messenger.

Cait.

Can I bum a glass of water?

Fear for my life makes me

parched.

(Gasping)

Caitlin!

What happened to your face?

I told you.

This is just the new,

more-tanned me.

Okay, I really think you

should look in the mirror.

(Gasping)

(Screaming)

You're the one who told me

about Smash Face.

This is all your fault!

But I didn't know it would do

this.

Okay, if it weren't for

Caitlin, I'd so be laughing at

you right now.

(Panting)

(Sniffing)

I can smell you.

(Sniffing)

No one steals my fries.

That was close.

No way!

That's great news, Jill.

I am so stoked.

I can't wait to see you either.

Love you too.

Yes!

Oh, man, Nikki.

Sorry, man, didn't see you

there.

Hey, aren't you that

breaking-bad-news guy?

Yeah, aren't you that Nikki's

boyfriend guy?

Yeah.

Looks like not for long, though.

You're breaking up with her?

Yeah, I just don't know how

to do it.

How much do you charge, dude?

Uh, $.

Awesome.

Uh, tell Nikki that it's over

and that I'm really sorry.

You want me to dump Nikki for

you?

That would be great, thanks.

Wait.

Why are you dumping her?

My ex-girlfriend's moving

back to the city.

Nikki's great, but Jill and I

have history, you know?

The only reason we broke up was

because her dad got a job in

Montreal.

Thanks, man, I owe you one.

Oh, beautiful money.

What have I done for you?

He totally stood me up.

You're my best friend.

What should I do?

Excuse me, your boyfriend

hired me to tell you he's been

dating, well, her.

(Gasping)

Personally, I think he's an

idiot.

You're way hotter.



No offence.

(Gasping)

Thanks for telling me the

truth.

Call me.

Even scoring hot rebound

chicks doesn't make me feel

better.

Well, if it isn't the grim

reaper.

What's the matter, bro?

Run out of customers?

No.

Business is better than ever.

That's the problem.

What happened?

Money and chicks can't buy

happiness.

Okay, now I'm really worried.

(Laughing)

Last night, I had to crawl in

through the basement window.

I was stuck there for six hours.

I need my keys back!

Help me, Cait.

I'm not going out in public.

It's too humiliating.

I'm hideous.

Pretty, pretty please?

I need backup!

Those girls are huge.

Okay, fine, I'll help you.

Just keep an eye on them until I

get back from my cosmetician's

appointment.

Ee!

You're the best.

Eww.

Have a khaki day.

What's better, pink with blue

stripes, or blue with pink

stripes?

Hmm, let's see.

Both make you look shallow and

self-absorbed.

Look at her.

So happy, so oblivious.

She has no idea she's about to

be dumped.

Maybe it's like ripping off a

bandage.

Just get in there and get it

over with.

And be nice.

(Clearing throat)

Hey, Jonesy.

What's up?

I-I--

Oh, come here, you.

Okay.

Okay, let's see what we have

here.

Brace yourself.

It's really bad.

Helga has seen everything.

(Screaming)

Is there anything you can do?

I think I can help you.

Oh, thank you, thank you.

I can't feel my forehead.

Is it working yet?

(Sniffing)

Hmm, weedy.

Is it working yet?

(Grunting)

Is it working yet?

Please tell me it worked, please

tell me it worked.

My skin looks exactly the same.

No, all fine wrinkle lines

around the eyes are gone.

Wrinkles?

I'm years old!

I came here for my zits!

(Screaming)

Jen, what's happening?

The escalator girls are

holding my house keys hostage.

You can kiss those goodbye.

Seriously, this one time, my

skateboard wheeled over there,

and I just left it.

Forever!

So I says to him, I says,

"What do you mean I have to

clean--?"

Oh, yeah, I remember that.

Their leader said that if he

ever tried to get it, she'd

stick it somewhere really



painful.

I love that board.

Cait promised to help me.

I just hope she has a good plan.

For a minute there, I thought

she was going to ask for our

help.

Close one.

You guys are a couple of real

heroes.

Lemon's closed.

(Gasping)

Maybe the escalator girls have

already gotten to Caitlin.

Check it out: "Lemon closed

due to sever ugliness"?

(Phone ringing)

Speak.

Jude?

It's Caitlin.

Caitlin, you're alive!

Yeah, I'm just too hideous to

be your in-person friend.

I can only be your on-the-phone

friend.

Bummer.

Jonesy's not answering his

cell.

Can you deliver a message to

him for me?

Definitely.

Okay.

You got a pen?

So how'd Nikki take it?

Were there tears?

I don't know, couldn't do it.

Here's your money back.

I don't accept your refund.

Yeah, well, management

reserves the right to refuse

service.

If you don't break up with

Nikki for me, I'll tell everyone

you're dating five rebound

chicks.

That's completely breaking

the guy code!

Watch me.

Whatever.

Nikki's more important to me

than some stupid business or

rebound chicks.

In fact, you know what?

I'll save you the trouble.

Jonesy, you're fired.

What a wimp.

No big deal.

Nikki can be reasonable.

You're dumping me?

In the Khaki Barn?

My ex-girlfriend's moving

back to the city.

I'm really sorry.

I knew it wouldn't last.

Here, in case you need to

throw something.

Go, Nikki!

Ah!

I tried to get Jonesy to do

it and--

Oh, wait a minute!

You did not just say you hired

someone to dump me.

Ooh!

Popcorn?

Shh, this is about to get

good.

Yeah, actually.

I thought it'd be easier coming

from a friend, but the guy

wimped out.

I can't believe I ever

actually liked you.

Hey, I was just thinking

about your feelings.

Right.

Is this how you treat

everyone you like?

No, only the people who

really get on my nerves.

It's true.

You know what?

I came here to explain why we

had to break up, but I can see

now that you're not interested.

You got that right!

Jerk.

(Screaming)

Hey, Nikki, how goes it?

Great, except Stone's a big



fat jerk.

But I guess you knew that

already.

Yeah, but for the record

though, I never liked that dude.

And I gave him his money back.

So are you okay?

Yeah.

Jonesy, can I ask you a

question?

You don't think I'm harsh, do

you?

Totally, you're a pain in the

butt.

And if Stone's too stupid to

love it, then it's his loss.

Don't ever change, got that?

Got it.

Thanks.

Any time.

(Yelling)

Oh, that's it!

Picking on a little kid?

Now they've gone too far.

Wait, are you sure you want

to do this?

Yeah, we already have one

friend we're not allowed to see

anymore.

Someone has to stand up to

them.

Before you know it, they'll be

running this whole food court.

Who's with me?

Fine, I'll do this on my own!

Hey, escalator girls!

Put that kid down and give me

back my keys, now!

Now the keys!

(Growling)

Thank you!

That was totally awesome!

You did it, Jen!

You stood up to the escalator

girls.

No one has ever done that

before.

I-I can't feel my arms.

Ugh, nasty.

I miss Caitlin's lemon

squishies.

They're that good?

No, but she gives us a deal

on them.

They're expensive.

Here, the next one's on me.

Thanks.

What's this for?

Don't want it.

Breaking-bad-news money.

Bad karma, man.

(Phone ringing)

Hello?

Care to contribute that five

bucks to the Help Caitlin's

Face fund?

Caitlin?

Where are you?

Don't try to find me, Nikki.

I am too ugly to be seen in

person.

Caitlin!

Hey!

Are you still wearing the

Smash Face?

It's too expensive to throw

out!

The compact, hand it over.

Now.

(Laughing)

What's with the tough girl

routine?

I'd listen to me if I were

you.

The escalator girls thought I

was pretty tough.

Yeah, only because I paid

Jonesy five bucks to tell them

you were a champion kick boxer

who k*lled a guy in a fight last

year.

Jonesy!

What can I say?

Five bucks is five bucks.

And I thought they gave me

back my keys because I had the

guts to stand up for myself.

Hey, that's mine!

Give it back!

(Gasping)



Oh, no.

Not the escalator girls.

I'll never get it back now.

It's time to let the Smash

Face go.

Free refills all around.

My face is once again flawless.

Can't say the same for the

escalator girls.

Eww.

Don't aim your zit puss at

me!

Oh, my mistake, beauty queen.

You're not invisible, Jude.

I'll just be sitting down

again.

Here, I'm hosting a k*ller

party this weekend.

Cool.

Thanks.

Great DJ.

We'll be there.

I guess you can come too.

Sweet!

Thanks, Rita.

Did somebody mention a

par-tay?

What the heck was that for?

Just a message from all of us

rebound girls to you.

Only this time, it's not just

business, it's personal!

Jerk!

Hey, that line is

trademarked.

Fork over the royalties.

(Laughing)

♪