01x04 - Prometheus

[bunniefuu]

Each year at this time,
we remember prometheus,

The only god I truly admire.

- Isn't your mom a god?
- Yep.

Prometheus, as everyone
knows, gave fire to humans

In total defiance
of mount olympus.

How cool is that?
- Pretty cool.

This isn't an interactive event.

You want to take it, hippo?
- Thanks, bro.

In keeping with the themes
of inspiration and technology

That prometheus
represents to me,

I'm going to light this
year's promethean flame

Using as much
technology as possible.

[flame whooshes]

[machinery clacking]

You get the idea.

[flames whoosh]

[crowd cheers]

Behold! Your...

Ooh, whoops-a-doodle.
There you are!

Oh, what a wonderful surprise.
I don't know what to say.

Mother, this isn't for you.
We're honoring prometheus.

In that case, I do
know what to say.

Suck it!

Ok, mum, sleep it off.

No, no. Hey, let's...

It's a celebration
of prometheus.

I can celebrate prometheus.

[stone cracking, thuds]

[crowd screaming]

[flames whooshing]

- Ah, fire!
- My livestock is on fire!

Hey, somebody call prometheus.

See if he'll take that
stuff back, am I right?

[crowd screaming]
[cattle mooing]

Too soon?

[upbeat mystical music]

♪ ♪

Don't remember a
lot of last night.

Must be nice.

Ugh, you're still boohooing

About me supposedly ruining

Your un-ruinable circle
jerk to prometheus.

Eh, turned out pretty ruinable.

"ooh, prometheus,
you're so awesome.

Thanks for stealing fire."

I steal stuff all
the time. Look.

I took all the water.
Where's my holiday?

[gulping]

[sighs]

You know what
happened to prometheus

Immediately after that
fire stunt, don't you?

Zeus chained him to a rock

And made an eagle eat
his liver forever.

Course we know that.

That's the best part.

You're trying to make us
be less into prometheus

And your big point is
that he suffered for us?

My big point is that
there's going to be an eagle

Eating his liver
for all eternity

And his reward is you
lighting a candle once a year,

Is my big point.
- Yeah, yeah. No, that follows.

Guess what today is?

Everyone guesses
what every day is.

We have no calendar.

It's the day mom
promised she'd tell me

Where my birth father is
so I can go b*at him up!

Whoa, that doesn't
sound like me.

Why would I promise to
do anything for anyone

Without any leverage?

Remember I asked
where my real dad was

Because I wanted
to go b*at him up,

And you said, "I'm
not telling you,"

And I said, "why?"

And you said, "because
you're three."

And I said, "so when
will you tell me?"

And you said, "the
day you could swallow

An entire baby pig"?

Welp, I've been practicing
and that day has come!

- No, no, no, no!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

[piglet squealing] we'll
take your word for it.

And we really need a calendar.

Sweetie, I was clearly just
blowing you off at the time.

I don't know or care
where your father is.

He's a cyclops, right?

Wouldn't he just
be on that island

Where all the cyclops live?

There's a cyclops island?

Who's taking me there?

That would be the flying
monster that ran his mouth.

Oh, I don't think I
should get involved

In your daughter's...
- And yet you did.

Have fun. Bye, now.
Flap, flap, fun, fun.

No, don't finish your food.

Leave hungry.
Learn your lesson.

- Which is?
- Stay out of it.

- Got it.
- [giggling]

If you need me, I'll
be finishing my nectar

In the clouds
because I'm amazing.

Amazing animal exit!

Ugh, I'm hungover and I
have nothing to prove.

Half ostrich exit.

I say, nothing like fresh
ocean air on the nethers.

Can I ask why you want
to b*at up your father?

Do you feel abandoned?

What? No. Stay out of it!

[sighs]

I don't know why.

It's just a feeling I have,

Like there's some
guy that made me

And I need to let him know

That doesn't make him better
than me by punching him.

Sounds to me like your cyclop
instincts coming through.

I have to warn you, they have
a very aggressive culture.

Hey, is that cyclopia there,

The island is
shaped like one eye?

That is it, but all islands
are basically shaped like...

What are you doing? Don't
fly me all the way there.

It's embarrassing! Drop
me off further away.

Ah! [heavy thud]

[indistinct chatter]

Which one of you ass-hats
knocked up my mom?

- Who wants to know?
- Who's asking?

- You and what army?
- My ass and your face!

Hey, you better watch
yourself, two-eyes!

I'm not a two-eyes. [all gasp]

Hey, that's donny's eye.

You're right! That's
donny's frickin' eye.

Donny! This your kid?

Ah, crap. Probably.

Why are you being a jagoff?

Maybe 'cause I'm half jagoff.

[laughter and chatter]

So what, you come here to
cry about your feelings

And blame me for your life?

I came to knock your
teeth down your throat!

[laughter and chatter]

- I like that.
- You do?

Yeah, I get it. Guy
knocks up your mom.

It's like, what, does this
guy think he's better than me?

We all b*at up our
dads around here.

[all agreeing]
- hey, you want a beer?

We drink it out of
barrels instead of cups.

Maybe. But I did
come here to fight.

Yeah, what do you think beer
is for, to make people happy?

[crowd laughing and cheering]

[gulping]

What if I told you I
wanted to free prometheus?

I'd say go outside.

And if that's your
new phrase for it,

I don't think it beats
"release the kraken."

I'm serious. We have
a hero that we know is

Chained to a rock somewhere
with an eagle eating his liver

And we're just letting
that happen? Why?

We don't want to piss off zeus

And we aren't motivated
by the dream of

Proving your mother wrong?

Come on, you're the scientist.

If prometheus is
chained to a rock,

It's not with normal chains.
- Ok?

So you could maybe come up with

A way to detect that metal

And we could find
prometheus and set him free.

And really stick it to your mom.

You're obsessed with my mum.

If that makes you feel better.

Ok, I think you're
describing a magnet.

What's a magnet?

A way to stick it to your mom.

Then I love it. And
by me, I mean you.

You must love magnets. I
just love freeing prometheus.

Let's do this!
Brains and heart.

Is this...

Are we coming up
with a special...

It's our brother handshake.

Yeah, just with
the... and then...

Ugh, we'll finesse it later.

We should be close now.

That thing is actually working?

[sighs] ok, no, it's
not doing anything.

It's stupid. I was stupid!

I don't know what
I was thinking.

Hey, you're being kind
of hard on yourself.

No, shut up. Look at me.

My body is disgusting

And I try to compensate
with intelligence

But I'm not even
really that smart.

I just... holy
crap! I'm a genius.

Go that way and never
underestimate me.

I was testing your faith
in science and you failed.

God, oh, god, not again!

Ow! Oh, god, it
hurts every time.

Ok, now it's healing.
That's a little better.

[eagle screeches]
oh, god, not again!

You think that's our guy?

- [whispers] prometheus!
- Huh?

Hey, you don't want
any part of this.

There's an eagle
here that eats...

Oh, god, livers!

Oh, it hurts every time!

Prometheus, I'm tyrannis,
king of krapopolis.

This is my brother, hippocampus.

- Big fan.
- Oh, hi, guys.

I'd say nice to meet you

But there's an eagle
eating my liver.

If we were to free you,
would you be willing to

Tell my mother
she's full of crap?

Gee, let me think
about it. Yes!

[eagle screeches] oh,
god, not the liver again!

Oh, so specific!
Such a specific pain.

Let me get a look
at these chains.

It's not something
you think about

As a sensitive area, you know?

- The liver, you mean?
- Yes, the liver. It hurts.

When you're a kid and
you go out to play,

Your mother never says,
"cover your liver,"

But wow, I've spent centuries
begging this eagle to try

A testicle, an eyeball.
Anything would be a vacation.

How are you doing on
those chains, little man?

We close?

Gods, obsessed with punishment,

Lazy with mechanics.

[eagle screeches]

Did you like it? Was
my liver delicious?

Are you going to k*ll the eagle?

Why would I do
that? [neck snaps]

Oh, yeah, because it
ate my liver forever.

That's why.

- No problem.
- You earned it!

Thank you for freeing me,
hippocampus and tyrannis.

Ah!

Stop stinging yourself.
Why you stinging yourself?

I've answered your
question several times.

I'm not stinging myself.

b*at it, guys.

[all grumble]
- ok, whatever.

How's it going?

It's not a place
I'd choose to be.

Why are you even still here?

Well, I can't tell your
mother I just left you here.

Why not? You're not my dad.

And I don't have to
explain myself to you.

You'd never get it.
You're a two-eyes.

Hey, moron, you coming?

[grunts] you're not
the boss of me, jagoff!

We're going to the
beach to throw rocks at

The island of the giants.

Does he not know that
that's impossible?

Oh, they don't have
depth perception.

Ugh, bye!

[grunts]

Ah, I've never been able
to hit those jagoffs

But I like trying.

Giants are just
extra-eyed cyclops!

[grunts]

[loud impact]
- holy crap.

I think you hit a giant!

It might have been a baby,
but still, a giant baby.

I did! I did it!

Ah, so, look.

You know, it's been fun, but...

But it gets funner?

Don't make this
hard on yourself.

You're huge and you're a badass,

But deep down, you're
like, "I want my daddy!"

That's not the cyclops way.

We're not, like, masking
intimacy with v*olence.

We're truly violent.

Gee, I'm not sure
I can understand!

- [grunts]
- how's that?

[laughs, spits]

You know, it's better
than trying to hug me,

But I can still tell
you want to hug me.

How about I hug your
skull with a rock?

I guess I'd die
being proven wrong.

But if I'm right, you
could never k*ll me.

I mean, look, you got one eye,
but you're kind of a giant.

- [grunts]
- see? That alone right there,

That should've got me k*lled.
Good luck out there, ya mook.

I bet the last
time you were free,

Mortals still lived in caves.

And now you make your
own tiny personal caves.

Not how I would've done it.

But, uh, ooh, what are
those round things?

- Wheels.
- Cute.

Ooh, hey, look at this.

Ah? Huh?

You're welcome. [chuckles]

Uh, turned out pretty useful.

We use it every day.

So, uh, as discussed,

My mum kind of tried
to high road us about

Being supportive
fans of yours, and...

Oh, yeah, of course.

Let's blow a bitch's
mind. Where's she at?

Ok, loosen up.
Don't overthink it.

Random animal!

Oh, that's rubbish.

That's not random.
It's an ostrich.

You're trying too hard.

Random animal, for
real this time.

Don't think, just go.

Ugh, damn it.

Prometheus?

Deliria?

You haven't changed.

I'm immortal.

So am I.

[romantic music]

[both moaning]

♪ ♪

How's it going in here?

- Pretty well.
- [moans]

Should we leave and
come back louder?

Ok, ok. I'm married now.

Your husband would understand.

Oh, he'd more than understand.

He'd want to watch and
then it's a whole thing.

How are you free?
- We freed him.

How do you two know each other?

Well, we walked
in on that answer.

I mean, they clearly
at one point banged.

Your mother was my hero.

Stop.

It was her idea to steal fire!

Both: Stop!
- Whatever.

All the gods had that idea.
The idea was to piss zeus off.

What happens when he
tries to find you?

I don't know. Maybe I'll
have to find him first.

- So cool.
- Badass!

Hippocampus, I'd like
to see your workshop.

Holy! Uh, yeah,
it's right this way.

It's a little messy right now

'cause I've been
working with bronze,

Which you'll probably
think is dumb,

But I think it's
the fire of metals.

Why would you keep
this a secret?

You brag about breathing.

- I don't have to breathe.
- See?

You wanted me to
admire my hero less.

Telling me you nailed him is
exactly your kind of move,

And by the way, would've worked.

So why is this your first
experiment with modesty?

Did you love him?

A lot of gods loved him.

We loved him because
he antagonized zeus,

And that was always
fun. Until it wasn't.

Until he got punished
and you all fell in line.

You're out of line.

You'll regret freeing
him. He's dangerous.

You never mentioned it
because you're ashamed.

Ugh, if I admit that, will
you get him to go away?

I'm your son, mum.

But first, you have to admit it.

I'm ashamed I turned
my back on him.

You should be. Gotcha! Ha!

You tried to make me feel
bad but I proved I was good!

And now, you have
to admit you're bad

Because I'm better than you.

[in low voice] and
you admitted it.

[normally] I said, I'm
better than you. Ha!

Leave my temple!

Gladly. Dancing out.

Dance of pride, temple of shame.

Too proud to stay here.
I might melt or explode.

My mother has shame!
Someone draw this on a vase!

[coughing]

What happened?

Were you trying to walk across

The bottom of the ocean?

I was ready to go home and
I don't know how to swim.

I think that's called drowning.

Call it what you
want. It got me home.

No, it didn't. We're
still on cyclopia.

If you needed a ride home, I...
- I don't need anything!

But since you're still hovering,

You might as well
give me a ride.

You wanna tell me what happened?

Did you get your feelings hurt?

If you ever ask me that again,

I'm gonna pull out
your intestines

And wrap 'em around your
throat until your eyes pop out.

And then I'm gonna put
your eyes up your butt,

And there's gonna
be plenty of room...

Because I won't have intestines

And because eyeballs
are small, yeah.

You rest here. I'm gonna
get you some water.

From a lake.

[gulping]

Who the hell are you?

I'm your ex-lover's
current lover

And your daughter's... Ride.

If you're here to give me

The "you should love
your kids" lecture,

I've heard it.
- So have I.

We're both monsters.

We spread our seed far and wide.

Monsters are going extinct

So we need to get
that stuff everywhere.

I couldn't tell you half
my children's names,

But that daughter of
yours gives so much

And needs so little.

The dream of one punch

Got her through
years of baby pigs.

I don't know what that means,

But like I told her,
cyclops don't do this.

But she's not a cyclops
because it turns out

Your wiener can try all
kinds of new things.

Maybe your heart could follow.

Maybe you should make my
heart follow my wiener.

Look, I'm not good at
this fighting business.

Oh, what a surprise.

Guess you'll just have to
stand there and get your ass...

- [grunts]
- [choking] kicked.

I tried to tell you,
I'm really bad at this.

Are you alive? Just
get rid of this.

Oh. Uh, yeah, ok, that's...

I was told to stay out of this.

This is on me.

[blade sharpening]

[magical shearing]

So cool!

It needs to be sharper.

That's sharper than
anyone else could ever...

Hey, hippocampus, look at me.

You know whose job it is
to be like anyone else?

Everyone else.

I need you to be better.
- Got it.

I thought you'd be
in the workshop.

Prometheus had me
melt his chains down

So we could forge things with
their supernatural metal.

What kind of things?

Uh, just a blade that
can cut a god's throat.

Oh, hey!

I shouldn't hold
that as a politician.

Are you still here?

Sharper!
- Yep, right.

[quietly] he's nuts.
- [quietly] oh, good.

Have fun!

There's no politics
to revolution.

You're a warrior now.

Tomorrow, we lay
siege to olympus.

That doesn't sound like me.
Never been a siege-layer.

My big move is sarcasm.

Like, if I really hate someone
and they do something stupid,

I'll say, "good one," but
they know I don't mean it.

I gave you people fire

To get things done,
to set things right!

I come back and you've
invented something called pie?

Those are the words of a man
that has never tried pie.

Put him down.

And what if I don't? Don't
tell me you'll actually

Fight for something
you care about.

I don't care about
him. Look at his hair!

I'm just saying the mortals
can't help you fight zeus.

Mortals die. They're
famous for it.

It's right there in the name.

[thud]

What god would I
ever trust again?

Me.

Really?

Ok! Good to hear.

We leave at dawn.

What are we gonna
do about this guy?

I'll do as he says.
I owe him that much.

You'll end up on
a rock with him!

And you can't possibly
have any liver to spare.

If he fails, which he
will, that's what he does,

Zeus is going to know

Who freed, sheltered,
and armed him,

And your entire
city will be a hole

The shape of a giant zeus penis.

So you're doing
this to protect me?

How's that feel?

- Bad.
- Good. You deserve it.

[slurps, sighs]

[as donny] hey, stupendous!

I heard you're leaving

And I wanted to say I'm sorry

And I love you very much.

Shlub, did you k*ll my dad?

Uh... Yes.

Thank you. You didn't
have to do that.

It really wasn't my goal. I
just wanted him to stop...

Look, you came a long way.

I didn't want your
trip to be a waste.

It wasn't. I found a dad.

Yeah? Oh! Aw, that's sweet.

We should get going.

Now I come to think about it,

I k*lled a lot of these chaps.

[grunting]

Practicing for your big mission?

What do you care?

Can't believe I got chained
to a rock for you people.

I can't believe I unchained you

Just to feel superior
to my mother.

You sure blew that one.

Yeah, turns out she'll go

Way further than me
to feel superior.

You really can't fathom

The idea of genuine
sacrifice, can you?

- Can you?
- Excuse me?

I mean, sacrifice is when you
don't care about yourself.

And I haven't
known you too long,

But wow, it's just
all about you,

Which I think is actually
what made you my hero.

What is this?

Recognize it?

I'm pretty sure it's
sharp enough now

But I'd love a
reason to test it.

I'm calling it insurance,

Something I'll be
giving to mortals

With no strings attached.

You're gonna k*ll me to
prove yourself to your mommy?

It's more like I'd rather
die than owe her my life,

Since I'd never
hear the end of it.

You're all so selfish!

And the mortals are no
better than the gods.

Kind of makes you
want to stop helping,

Live free for yourself.

It would serve us right, right?

Let me ask you something.
That wheel thing,

Is that a human invention?
- Yeah.

And so squirrels
don't have the wheel?

Squirrels don't need wheels.

They wouldn't know how to...
- They wouldn't know how.

Isn't that a convenient
way of looking at it?

Are you gonna steal
the wheel from man

And give it to squirrels?

[chuckling] what? No.
I'd never do that.

♪ ♪

So long, mortals.

I hope you can live with the
shame of letting me down.

Would you like a bigger
bag for all those wheels?

[chuckling] are these wheels?

I don't know how
those got in my bag.

I'll bring them back later.

But first, I'd like to steal
a moment with your mother.

Yep.

Come with me. I'm gonna
give the wheel to squirrels.

We've resolved this.

I never believed in your causes.

I just liked being angry.

- But the sex was amazing.
- All sex with me is amazing.

And whether you see it or
not, this civilization thing,

It is the mortals
doing the best they can

With what you gave them.

You did do something
good for them

And it's worth protecting.

You couldn't have planned
this speech more ironically.

There's a guy collecting pig
feces over your shoulder.

- They call it agriculture.
- Ok.

From fire to collecting poop.

You live and you learn.

One last kiss?
- We had our last one.

The next is for my husband.

Prometheus?

Shlub? What are
you doing here?

- I live here.
- Ah.

Any interest in helping lead
a revolution of squirrels?

No, not really.

But if you're unchained now,
will you still want handies?

Is that hercules?

It's heracles.

Hi! On a quest!

[panting]

[metallic creaking]

[panting]

[grunts] I hereby
free prometheus!

Next quest!

[metallic creaking]

[chains clinking]

[clattering]

[wheels creaking]

[metallic creaking]

Did you get any of that?

Bento.