01x06 - Woods-stock

[bunniefuu]

- So excited for this year's
forest festival.

I hear our favorite band
sounds way better live

Than they look in drawings.

- You know their drummer
added a drum?

- What?
One guy on two drums?

Too gimmicky.
They just lost a fan.

- Forest fest
isn't about the music.

It's about hooking up
with strangers.

I hear nymphs really put
the "nymph" in "nymph."

- Before we head in,
let me tell you

What I've learned
about how to party.

The key is to...
- Not walk in with you.

Good idea.
Bye.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- You're not really
a party guy, little bro.

More of a party... k*ller.

Like, I k*ll for a living,

And I get jealous
watching you m*rder a vibe.

- Take that back!

- [laughs]
oh, look at him go, folks.

Listen, I'm going in.
I wanna have sex with someone

Before our parents
have sex with everyone.

- [sighs]

Hi.
I'm apparently a party k*ller.

Just kidding.
I'm actually a king.

You guys are lizards?

Are you talking lizards?

You're unable to talk?

You just don't want
to talk to me.

Wow, this is off
to a great freaking start.

Nice forest.
It smells like dirt.

- Thanks
for the disguise, darling.

I love our son to death,
but he's party quicksand.

- Shush! Don't call him
our son out loud.

It lowers our party value.

- True, and I want to have sex
with everyone

Before stupendous has sex
with anyone.

[upbeat lyre music]

♪ ♪

[dramatic chanting]

♪ ♪

- ♪ whoo ♪

- ♪ people from the city,
creatures from the wood ♪

♪ everyone's a neighbor
in nature's neighborhood ♪

♪ my name is tom
and I'm not part of this band ♪

♪ I just saw they were playing
and thought I'd lend a hand ♪

Which I'm learning
is not necessary.

Good night.

- Okay, so no point trying that.

- I figure, like, maybe six,
seven hundred people.

How about you?
What do you do for v*olence?

- Well, I'm originally
from the ocean.

Have you ever been?

It's basically
a large, wet forest.

- You guys see that centaur
eat it up there?

Hi. Great forest.
Thanks for having us.

I'm king of the city.

- Ty!
Mom and dad are here.

- Yeah, go say hi.
Go.

- Who invited
the control freaks? [laughs]

Hi, I'm tyrannis,
king of the city.

I see you ladies are bushes.

Is that a chosen form?

Were you born that way?
Do you have a ruler?

King? Queen?

Perhaps a nongendered
bush supervisor.

- Way to go.
- You asshead!

We talked about this!

- This is ridiculous.
I can't possibly be that bad.

- They turned into bushes!
I wish I could.

- You asked, like,
six questions,

And you don't even care
about the answers.

- We tried to be nice
about this.

- I don't know if that's true.

- You wanna compare it
to something?

- You're going to k*ll me?
My sister's gonna k*ll me.

That's how much I suck
at parties.

- Now you're getting it.
Shoo. Go.

- Oh, you grew back.
- Where were we?

- Oh, this one's delicious.

- This one too.
Lemony.

- Care to switch?
- Let's do.

- Deliria!
- Hegemone!

Darling, this is hegemone,

The goddess of plants
blooming and bearing fruit.

- Oh, I love that you've got
a mantitore.

They've gotten so popular.

- I think you'll find
I'm one of a kind, my dear.

- Mine would disagree.

Paizo, approach.

- Sexy evening.

Great gods, aren't you
a handsome old monster?

- [laughs] likewise,
my charming young friend.

- I found paizo on delos.

Where'd you get yours?
- In a blackout,

But let's not waste the night
discussing men.

Let's find the coolest god
at the party,

And if we can't,
that means it's us.

- Win-win.

Oh, you two won't fight now,
will you?

- Not in our nature, love.

- We seem to be a pair
of very lucky monsters.

- Indeed!
Perhaps by the night's end,

We may even double our luck.

- As will our goddesses.

[both laugh]

- In all seriousness, though,

I'll understand
if you're hesitant

To let yours be with me.

- Well, not if that's
what she wants,

You stunning cad.

We aren't the competitive type.

- Correct!
Although in my case,

It's because I never lose.

[both laugh]

- Ah, yes, yes.
Ah.

- And that's why
it's so important

To install the drainage ditches

Before you lay in the paving.

- Will you excuse me?
I have to just...

- You have to turn into a flower

Because everyone
just turns into stuff

Instead of walking away.

- Walking away is a human thing.

You walked away from the forest,

Or don't you remember?
- Remember?

Do I remember
humanity leaving the forest?

No.
I'm .

But I can guess why we did.

Stupid party.
Ridiculous...

- Why's that?
- Whoa! Why's what?

There's a whole world out here.

This is where you're dangling?

- Why did humans
leave the forest?

- Obviously to get fresh air
and be free from...

Judgmental flowers
and snobby animals.

- Sounds like
we've been misrepresented.

I'm daphne.

- [sighs] tyrannis.

- King of the city.
- Yeah.

Are you, like, plant-bassador?
Tree-aison?

- [laughs] we don't have
a government.

- Oh, brother.

Even the gods say that,
and they're lying.

If you've got a face,
then you've got

Someone at some point
yelling in it.

- Definitely true at the moment.

- Sorry.
What am I doing?

I'm ashamed because apparently,
I'm bad at parties.

And I'm not natural,
so nature intimidates me,

And now I'm throwing a tantrum
at a harmless tree lady.

- Well, see, that's honest,
and honesty is natural.

Would you like to take a walk
down by the river,

Where it's quieter?

You can tell me
all about your government.

- I would love that.

Can you just hold on one moment?

Don't go anywhere.

[sly music]

[tree chimes]

♪ ♪

- The chief of centaurs
seems quite taken with echo.

- That won't sit well with pan.

Tell echo to seal it,

And we'll offer
to keep it quiet...

If he migrates.

Why are you here?

Your target's in the wind.

- I blew him back.

He's simple.
He'll be here all night.

He wants to tell me
about his government.

- I missed the reason
you're here.

- He's simple, sister.

I don't know how humans
are picking kings these days,

But this guy may have won
a contest.

Or his people lost one.

He's not what I'd call a thr*at.

- Oh.
What's he king of again?

- A city.
- What do cities make?

All: Humans!
- What do humans make?

All: Cities!
- What do they make them from?

All: Wood!
- What are we?

All: Wood nymphs!

- So what do wood nymphs do?

All: k*ll!

- Thanks. I just lose
perspective sometimes.

I'll get back to work.

[partygoers cheer]

- Hey, guys.
No big deal,

But just wanted to let you know

I'm talking to the hottest
tree nymph in the forest.

And you know, I'm not saying
it's romantic,

But I am saying
she probably gets to choose

How she spends her time
at parties.

- And you left her

To brag about it
to your big sister.

[laughs]
- [laughs]

No, seriously, man,
congratulations.

Sounds like you finally
found someone

Out of their mind.

- Or someone
that knows you're king,

And she's up to something.

- I love this response,
because it confirms

That this was always
about some sad competition.

- Yeah, for you.
- No, for you.

Look at you guys.

You're worse at partying
than me, so I win.

- But not really,
because I think

When partying is a competition,

You automatically lose.

- Sounds like you lost, then.

- No, you did.
- No, you lost,

Because for you,
it's a competition.

- You guys competing
about partying?

All: No.
- Okay.

Because if you are,

No better way to settle it

Than who does the most beans.

- What are we, children?
Get out of here.

- Hey, man, all you had to say
was "we don't do beans."

- I do beans, dumbass.

- Me too.
Your beans probably suck.

- Oh, man.
Have fun, guys.

Dude, these mortals
just swallowed an entire bean.

- We weren't supposed
to take a whole bean?

- You said you do beans!
- Everyone does beans!

- Relax!
Everyone relax.

He was hazing us,

And he's waiting
for us to freak out, so don't.

Just kick back
and enjoy the party.

- Right. Right.

- How you doing?
- What's up?

- Cool party.

[all screaming]

- Why am I so small?

- Why do I have two heads?

- Where's that cool nymph
I liked?

- I'm not a second head, idiot.

I'm your inner critic.

- What's an inner critic?

- You can hear him?
- Everyone can now.

That's how messed up you are.

Why don't you stuff
more magic beans

From random weirdos
into your face?

- What, you don't have a voice
in your head

That tells you you suck?

- Yeah, it's called mom.

[gasps] we gotta find mom.

She'll make me big again!

- I have to find daphne.
We connected.

- You're connecting
with more than that.

- Oh, no, I can taste
through my feet.

Why is dirt delicious?
Ugh! Yuck!

I refuse this.

- Wait, you can just refuse it?

I refuse this!

Come on!

- Is that hephaestus over there?

- No, just a normal ugly person.

We may be
the coolest people here.

- And what about mortals?

Who're those idiots
tripping on magic beans?

- I'm afraid
those are my children.

- Interesting.
I think that makes me

The coolest person here.

- Congratulations.

- To be clear,
there's a solid chance

I'll be making love
to your wife tonight.

- That's been established
and permitted.

- Dad! Down here!

- Hi, kids.
Is your night

As completely free of concern
as mine definitely is?

- Stupendous shrank,

And I have
an external inner critic.

- Nice to meet you.

And can I just say,

You were wise to neglect

This pretentious,
living scrotum.

- Wow.
You're pretty high, son.

- Uh-huh.
- Where's mom?

- If I knew how to know that,

I wouldn't be her husband,
honey.

- How you going to do it?

- I don't know.
- Should look like an accident.

Late night swim?
- Overdose.

- Won't they just replace him
with a stronger king?

- [mockingly] oh, no.
Then we have to k*ll him?

[forcefully] it's almost
like w*r is hard work.

- I'm just saying,

If we're protecting
the environment,

Why not keep someone
we can influence on the throne?

I'm trying to be strategic,
not lazy.

- Be strategic with your target,

Not with us.

- Hey, stranger.

- Why, hey, hey.
Sorry, lost you.

Wow.
Do you wanna dance?

Is that a thing in the forest?

[grunting]

- Are you on beans?

- I may have done a whole bean.
Is that dangerous?

- Well, no.

They're way safer
than people think.

You could take ten of them.
[laughs]

But you didn't hear that
from me.

- That's a relief. [sighs]

- Hey, why'd you take any?

- If I'm honest,
I wanted to be cool.

- Honestly, the forest
isn't always cool

It's not even always honest.

- Really?
Because I kind of bragged

To my sister that you were
hanging out with me,

And she said you were
probably up to something,

Like you had an agenda,
and I thought...

[upbeat dance music playing]

[partygoers cheering]

♪ ♪

[thunder claps]

- Holy balls!
It's dionysus!

[partygoers cheering]
- spit in my mouth!

- Raise my children!
Whoo!

- Somebody here

Just started partying so hard

That I personally felt it
clear across the world,

Where you better believe I was
at an even cooler party.

Bring this party child to me.

What's your name, party child?

- Tyrannis.
- What made you party so hard?

- A girl kissed me.

[all gasp]

- That is the only right answer!

This is now the coolest party!

[partygoers cheering]

[frenetic music playing]

♪ ♪

- Hey, hey, hey!
I know you!

- Look at these goddesses!

- That's my mom!

- Is it true my child
summoned you with his partying?

Do you know how weirdly close
I am to admiring you tonight?

- I love you, mom.

I want you to meet
someone very special.

Where'd she go?

- Don't just stand there,
party child.

Go to her!

- Yes. Thank you.
I will!

I love you guys!
We should all hang out more!

- We should hang out more!

- I don't know why we don't.

- I guess because you take it

To some
pretty dangerous extremes

And never really know
when to stop.

- Like this!

- Did you just dose me?
- Yeah.

- Good.
Next time, don't take so long.

We should hang out more!

- This party just got
tremendous.

- Agreed!
- I've decided not to ruin it

By making love to your wife.

- What? Why?
- Because I respect you.

- Well, if you respect me,

You very much will make love
to my wife.

- I think we know
you'd rather I not.

- Take that back.

- Easy now.
We're not a competitive breed.

- Exactly, my dashing friend,

Which is why I find it
a bit offensive

That you continue trying
to make me jealous.

- No mantitore can make
another mantitore jealous,

My sexy brother.

There's simply some that are
and some that aren't.

- I'm afraid I can't hear you
over my wonderful fantasy

Of you and my wife
in bed together.

- Sorry, old man.

I think you're just saying that.

- My god.
- That's right,

You gorgeous monster.

I told you I never lose.

I've proven you're possessive.

- [yelps]

- How could you let this happen?

- It's insane that you're
blaming this on me.

- Oh, is this your family?
Too early for me to meet them?

- I just need a moment,
tyrannis.

- You need to get dionysus
out of here.

- You want me to ask
the god of parties

To leave a party.

- Yes!
You summoned him.

- Well, we did, with our love.

- [laughing derisively]

- That's not the reaction

One wants to that, but okay.

- You humans think love
is when someone smiles at you.

- I can't really argue
with that.

I mean, it's a pretty big deal

When we're not k*lling
each other.

- Exactly.
You're like termites to us,

But that's misleading
because we don't hate termites.

But you're like
a mentally diseased colony

Of giant termites.

- This would go down easier
if you jumped in with

"my sisters are just
really protective."

- Tyrannis, grow up!

How naive can you be?

The forest hates you.
You are our enemy.

I was assigned to you.
I'm supposed to k*ll you!

- See, daphne, you were doing
so good,

And then wow.

- Assigned?
To k*ll me?

- Ty, sweetheart,
everyone loves a love story,

But when it stops being fun,
you move on to the next one.

- So glad to hear you say that.

We'd like you to leave
our forest.

- Excuse me?

- Take it easy, daphne.
He's a god.

- Enough with this.
You're destroying our home.

- Not to mention
their place of work.

- I'm sorry.
What's your name?

Don't answer.
Nobody cares.

Every party in the world
is my home.

I decide who stays in it
and who leaves,

And I don't like you mistreating

My rare, beautiful party child.

[snaps fingers]
[partygoers yelling]

- Whoa!

- Tyrannis, hear my tale.

I was once you.
I wanted to be cool.

You know what everyone said?

"stop wanting that.

It's not cool
to wanna be cool."

Well, isn't that convenient
for the already cool?

Well, now I'm one
of the already cool.

Now nobody tells me anything.

There's no ceiling to a party,
but there is a ladder,

And we are climbing to the top.

Come on, I wanna introduce you
to some leopards.

- Hey, baby!

Oh, where's shlub?

- He fled in great humiliation.

Frankly, in a jealous rage.

- My husband was jealous?
Odd.

- I agree.
If you'd like,

I can... Make love to you.
Maybe later.

- Hey.
It hasn't come up yet,

But if deliria and shlub
are down,

I might want to have
a threesome with them.

- What about me?
- Ooh, possessive much?

This isn't working.
Find your own ride home.

- Where are we?
- Oh, no. Look.

A guy playing an instrument
nobody asked him to bring?

Two people trying
to solve racism?

A girl puking and crying
at the same time?

- My god.

We're at the party's outer edge.

- Well, yeah.

Where'd you think
you'd end up, dork?

- This next song is about
a very wondrous wall.

- [wails]

- Are you all right?

- Stop pretending
you care about others.

- I'm fine, but you people
should run

While you have a chance.

- Why? It's just a party.

- Wrong, tiny girl.

There isn't any party
like a dionysus party

Because a dionysus party
never stops.

[partygoers clamoring]

- Wow, our little brother
wins again.

He's not a party k*ller.
He's the party king.

- Oh.
You're tyrannis' sister.

You might be able to save
his life.

- Is he in danger?

- Everyone here is.

Dionysus doesn't eat or drink
to stay alive,

And he doesn't leave
until the party is dead.

- How do we get ty out of there?

- Honestly?
Give him your approval.

He's the single most
emotionally deprived human

I've ever met.

I was assigned to k*ll him,

And he wanted to marry me.

But the first thing on his mind

Was bragging about me to you.

He cares about your opinion.
You're his family.

Both: Gross.

- Listen to the leaf lady,
ass-face.

This is your chance
to do something useful.

- Why would you want that?
You hate me.

- Are you... how stupid are you?

If I hated you,
I wouldn't talk to you.

I want you to be better.

I just happen to know
it's impossible.

- Ow!

- There!
Come on, go!

- The party's too awesome!

- Just dance your way over!

- I can't, okay?

- Hey, jackass, you wanna know

What the worst thing
about you is?

- Not really.

- Well, I'm gonna tell you
anyway,

And after that,
you're on your own.

- Wait, what are you saying?

- You know what really sucks
about you?

You're too hard on yourself.

- Whoa.

'sup? How you doing?

Party!
No wrong answer.

- Look at the little fish bowl
baby.

- Oh, my god, I love you,
fish bowl baby.

- Oh, no, I'm undone
by my own confidence!

- I got it from here!

I respect you.
- You do?

- Yeah, basically.

I mean, you stand up
for what you believe in.

Daphne was right
when she said that... oof!

- What did daphne say?
That was my sister.

- Well, now she can join
the tree wench

Outside the party,
because they are zero fun.

- Is that what you do

With the things that aren't fun?

You just toss them aside
like you did with daphne,

Like you did with my sister?

What about the serious stuff,

The important stuff
like saving the forest,

Like believing
in a better future,

Like family?

- I'm sorry.
I'm so bored.

What are you talking about?

- What happens
when the party's over?

- The party's never over.

The party never ends!

- Then I guess
you haven't met tyrannis,

King party k*ller.

Hi, I'm tyrannis.

What's your favorite form
of government?

- What are you doing?
- Hi.

Would you like to hear
about sewage maintenance?

It's more complex
than you'd think.

It's essentially
a network of feces.

- What are you trying to prove,
party child?

- What's your favorite color?
- Ugh.

- Guess how old I am.
- Ugh.

- I had the craziest dream
last night.

Aren't politics the worst?
Let's argue about them!

- I had such hopes for you.

- There's so much hunger
in the world.

What do you know
about cockroaches?

Do you know you have
something in your teeth?

It's okay.
So do I.

- Go, you boring son
of a bitch, go.

- Is this how you do this?
Here we go.

I think I've got it.
Bear with me.

♪ La, la, la, party song ♪

♪ la, la la ♪
everybody!

- That's it!

This party sucks!

[thunder rumbling]

[leopards roar]

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

[partygoers mumbling]

- Did you just defeat
the god of parties

By ruining his party?

- Yes.
- My son!

My son.

- My love,
I was possessive tonight.

- Of me, I assume.

- Of course.

- Makes sense.
I am incredible.

I'd be possessive of you as well

Under very specific,

Impossible-to-achieve
circumstances.

- Mama, can you enlarge me?

- Afraid not, darling.
The only antidote to bean magic

Is pure sincerity.

Tell us what animal
you find most attractive.

Don't think.
Just say it.

- River otter!
- [laughs]

I'm kidding.
I can enlarge you.

"river otter."

[laughs]

- Do I have to run?

- No.
You almost k*lled the forest.

We almost k*lled you.
You saved the forest.

I'm not k*lling you.

We have to figure out

A better way to deal
with you idiots.

- What a gift.
So I guess for now,

Screw you and thanks.

- You're welcome, party child.

- [grunts]

[pained grunts]

- Mm, asleep, sleeping.

Asleep. Dead?
Asleep.

Dead asleep.
Ah, what do we have here?

Don't mind if I do.

Thank you,
my handsome man-horse.

Hello, you stunning son
of a bitch.

- I could say the same,
so I will. Hello.

- What brings you
around these parts?

- Why, you did, with the beans.

Speaking of, may I?

- You may and you must.

- [laughs] well, it looks
like my lucky morning.

- Indeed.

To think I just gave up
on an orgy.

- What?
Have you gone mad?

[all laugh]
- we laugh.

- Hopefully, that's not all
we do.

- Speaking of, bean?

- I'll take
whatever you're offering.

- Don't tempt me.
- Why not?

- He just did.

- Here I am.
- Prompt and perfect.

Just how I like it.

- Go tell base we've got

A level-seven
cascading bean orgy.

- Well, you gobbled that
right down.

- Did you get any of that?

- Bento.