03x57 - Selling Out to the Burger Man

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


So... what do you think of my new outfit?!


Sweet scarf action.


No silly! It's not a scarf.


It's a pashmina.


This guy I'm kinda seeing gave it to me along with...


companion shoes!


So you shop and he pays.


Sounds like a match made in heaven.


I know, right?! Aren't they sweet together?


I was talking about you and your new boyfriend.


Oh. Right...


It sounds kind of serious if he's buying you all that stuff.


Who is he?


Ummm...


Actually, I'm kinda drawing a blank.


You can't remember his NAME?!


It's right on the tip of my tongue.


Guess who.


Oh! Uh...


Talon? No.


Kyle. No...


Wade? Nope.


Cam? Who?


Tad?


Okay, this is awkward.


[CLEARS THROAT] It's Les.


Of course! LES!


Guys, this is Les.


Hey. Hi, Les.


Yeah, hey...


[ CLEAR THROAT ]


So are you ready for our big date?


Oh sweetie, love to,


but I so need to finish my chemistry assignment.


That's too bad, 'cause I have a Khaki Barn gift certificate,


and we could check out those bamboo purses you like.


Well...


Okay! Let's go!


Whoa.


You can make a purse out of bamboo?


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Whatcha got there, bro?


My dad's old camera and my new gig.


You're looking at the official -- okay, unofficial --


mall photographer.


Jonesy already took some pictures of me and Les.


You've got such a great eye!


This sh*t is amazing.


Glad you like it.


And for the low, low price of a fiver,


it can be yours for posterity.


I do look super cute in it...


And it would look good in a silver frame from Willows and Williams...


The cute ones with magnets for your locker?


Are you thinking what I'm thinking?


Willows and Williams, here we come!


Okay, is it me,


or did Caitlin just get a sugar daddy?


That girl needs a good talking to.


She's got smarts. I'll give her that.


I'm going to meet Marlowe before my shift starts.


She hasn't dumped you yet?


What, you don't think I could score an amazing girl like Marlowe?


Whatever.


The hard part isn't scoring the chick,


it's keeping her.


Says the voice of experience.


Factfor the first three months,


it's all about the bling.


Babes love bling.


Oh please!


I can barely afford lattes.


And with my parents reno-ing the basement,


I don't even have rehearsal space for the band now.


What kind of provider are you, man?


Marlowe doesn't care about money.


She's not like that...


is she?


All chicks are like that.


I rest my case.


♪ Hold the burger, hold the fries ♪


♪ All I need is to look in your eyes ♪



♪ and I'm all-you-can-eat happy! ♪


You're too much!


Ooh! Bravo!


See, told you so.


Wyatt, this is Cillian from head office.


I invited him here specifically to hear you sing and --


Wyatt, Burger McFlipsters needs to attract the


next generation of mall-eaters.


We need a ditty -- no, an anthem,


that'll make kids 'flip' for McFlipsters.


You mean a jingle?


In common parlance, yes.


A catchy piece of ear candy written by you


and performed with your band over the mall intercom.


Wyatt could write it with his eyes closed.


Really? It's not really my genre.


Of course we'd throw in all the McFood the band can eat.


Free fries! All right!


Babes love bling.


Okay.


Give us the rehearsal space for three months


and you've got a deal.


You drive a hard bargain, kiddo.


Sign here.


There's something I've been meaning to ask.


You're so pretty and nice


and I was just wondering if you'd like to be my girlfrie --


No question... total love!


Pink ear muffs!


Soooo sweet!


Oh.


Are you okay? You look kinda queasy.


Never mind.


Come on,


let's ring these up.


Are you sure you want to buy these for me?


You've been paying for so much.


No worries. Money's not a problem.


Great!


The jingle... is it written?


Judging by this piece of paper,


I'd say you are jingle-free..


Oh no!


What am I gonna do?


Marlowe spent two hours convincing the band


I could write something catchy and real that wouldn't embarrass us.


A jingle with street cred?


Heavy order, dude.


Wait a second. Heavy order.


HEAVY! Jude, that's it.


Gotta go! Thanks, man.


So?


Don't tell mea gift from Les?


It's faux fur!


Not to second-guess your feelings, Caitlin,


but are you sure you like Les for the right reasons?


I know Les isn't like other guys I've dated...


Yeah, most guys you date have a personality.


Les is a really good listener.


Like, every time I say I like something


he goes out and buys it for me.


O-kay, shopping aside,


do you really think he's 'the one'?


Don't worry. We're taking things slow.


Slow?


You already have three complete outfits.


If you ask me,


Caitlin hasn't even begun to milk this cow.


And who knows?


Maybe he likes to buy stuff for Caitlin's friends too?


[ CLEARS THROAT ] Guess who?


Could somebody put a bell around his neck


so we hear him coming?


It's you!


I thought I'd never see you again!


Les, you shouldn't have.


Meh.


Gotta hand it to you, Williams,


you write a fierce jingle.


I knew you could do it.


You've got talent, Wyatt.


See ya, guys.


Wyatt, you are one lucky man.


Head office saw your demo tape


and they want your band to perform live in the mall tomorrow!


Wait! That wasn't in the contract.


Think about your career, Wyatt.


Think about your band.


Besides, it IS in the contract.


Page .


Great. The band's gonna flip.


It's not that big a deal.


They'll be proud to sing your lyrics.


Let me talk to them. Really?


No worries. I'll call you later.


Yeah, baby... crank that wind machine higher.


Can you give me more pout, sweetheart?


Ahh...perfect!


NOW WE'RE TALKING!


OKAY, NOW SWING THAT LIGHT SABER!



[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]


Okay, TAKE FIVE.


This better be important, Wyatt. I'm working here.


This whole bling thing is getting out of hand.


Cillian's making the band perform LIVE JINGLES now!


Marlowe's gonna think I'm an idiot!


Whoa Whoa Whoa.


Calm down and stick to the plan.


What chick doesn't like a live music gig?


I don't know...


It's in the bag, dude.


Grow some stones, why don't you?


Now, if you'll excuse me,


I have some paying customers to attend to.


[THINKING TO HERSELF] What if Jen's right?


What if he's not the one?


Hmmm...


haircut not so great.


A bit bland.


Sooo much beige.


What do you think?


It's the one!


You got a permit for that, paparazzo-scum?


The camera can't resist a photogenic man in uniform.


Such dignity.


Hmmm. Nice.


Heroic yet modest.


You can almost smell the burnt a*mo.


And only five bucks a pop.


Two copies on my desk by sunrise, soldier.


[ APPLAUSE, A WOLF WHISTLE ]


Thanks for coming out, everybody.


We're here singing for Burger McFlipsters,


but what we're really hoping to serve you is


"Not Just Another Fast Food Jingle"!


♪ You got that look in your eyes ♪


♪ The look that says 'fries' ♪


♪ I'm burnin' for a burga


♪ with all the fixins'


♪ Rapid digestion? Outta the question ♪


♪ But it don't matter cuz it don't get Phatter ♪ [ BURPING IN RHYTHM ]


♪ If you gonna go big,


♪ go Burga McFlipsta


[ ♪♪ ENDS WITH A LOUD BELCH ]


"Digestion out of the QUESTION"?!!


That talentless burger-flipper


just cost us millions!


Heads are going to roll--


[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ERUPT ]


Thanks.


Bravo! Bravo!


I KNEW Wyatt was the right choice!


Congratulations, Wyatt.


You really connected to your audience.


Wow, thanks, Tim.


Nurture employee moralecheck.


Next itemonions.


Onions?


Starting today, McFlipsters is moving from freshly chopped onions


to freeze-dried Onion Chunkies.


Well, that'll make my job easier.


Not so fast, Iron Chef.


There's technique involved.


Implements.


Measurements. Calibration.


You add water, right?


You say it like it's idiot-proof.


Here's your training video.


Watch. Absorb.


Master.


"Freeze-Dried FoodA Space Traveller's Guide"?!


We use the same video as NASA.


No way!


Is Lance Armstrong in it?


It's Neil Armstrong. And no.


Do you work here?


Let's look busy, people.


Move, move, move!


So Wyatt, how does it feel to be famous?


Well, actually --


Head office is loving you.


All they want is a few small changes to the lyrics


for your next performance.


NEXT performance? Look, we're --


The ones you wrote make the food sound unhealthy.


McFlipster meals need to sound nutritious,


energizing, active.


But everything we sell is either freeze-dried or soaked in fat.


Don't get smart with me, young man.


Do you want to flip burgers for the rest of your life,


or do you want to be a star?


Look, I have to run this by Marlowe and the band


before I re-jig anything.


Oh, the rewrite's already done.


I'll drop it by rehearsal tomorrow.


And besides --


I know...


It's in the contract.


Yes.


Thanks for coming, guys.



The band will appreciate an objective opinion on the new lyrics.


Aaahhh! What the -- ?!


Oof! Whoa.


Your friend Cillian dropped by.


He threatened to throw us all in jail for breach of contract


if we didn't wear these costumes.


Wyatt what's going on? Did you know about this?


Of course not!


I thought Cillian was just editing the lyrics.


Oh don't worry, he did that too.


[ ♪ ]


♪ All the kids are heading for McFlipster's ♪


♪ Ooo yeah...


♪ We're Hustling


♪ and bustling


♪ Stayin' fit as we can ♪


♪ We're in an active mood ♪


♪ and we want active food -- ♪


Stop!


Oh Man! That is pathetic!


These costumes will destroy our street cred for life!


Look, there's gotta be a way around all this.


Let me talk to Cillian.


Dude, either you find us a get-out-of-jail card pronto,


or you're out of the band.


Marlowe?


I need some time to talk this over with the band.


Alone.


Come on.


Say cheeseburger! Jonesy!


[ WYATT SIGHS HEAVILY ]


We were so good together.


I'm so sorry, Wyatt.


Let's not jump to conclusions.


She hasn't dumped him yet.


We were there.


I'd say he's pretty much dumped.


Ughhh.


So you screwed up. Big deal.


There's plenty of chicks in the sea.


I screwed up?!


This whole BLING thing was YOUR idea!


I signed that stupid contract just to impress Marlowe,


and now the band hates me and I've lost her forever!


Nice work, Cyrano.


Poor Wyatt.


Was it really that bad?


Those costumes can't have been worse than this lemon hat.


Way worse!


Ouch.


Check it out.


Ooh, that's bad.


So why did you take that nasty sh*t?


Yeah, I thought you were charging for them.


No one's going to pay for an embarrassing sh*t like that.


Actually, it's all part of my new business strategy.


The way I see it,


there's more money in offering to erase sh*ts


than in printing them.


Check it out.


I can charge a fortune for these!


Jonesy, you can't go making money off people's misfortunes like that.


It's wrong.


Totally.


How much for that last one?


Isn't it adorable, Les?


[ CLEARS THROAT ]


[ SQUEALS ]


I'll be right there.


And how will you be paying for this?


[ CLEARS THROAT ] With great difficulty.


Look, Les, not my business,


but are you sure you can afford all this?


I can't NOT afford it.


Shopping is what Caitlin and I do.


It's the tie that binds.


Ya, noose that hangs is more like it.


Wait here.


[ GIRLS SCREAM ]


AHHHHH! Excuse me!


You're fully dressed, Caitlin.


Oh! Lost track for a second.


Does the phrase 'gravy train about to derail'


mean anything to you?


What are you talking about?


Haven't you ever wondered how a -year-old kid


is financing a wardrobe fit for a shipping heiress?


No...


Do you think I should get the pink or the white in this?


Uh! Gotta go now.


Aarrrghhhhh!


[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]


Hello? AAARRRGHHHHH!


Nikki, is that you?


I need to talk to someone who speaks Caitlin.


I'm fluent. Just speak slowly.


Uh-huh. Uh-huh.


Okay. I'll be right over.


Don't let her do any more shopping until I get there.


What's the hold-up? Patience, dude.



Good food takes time.


It might help if Onion Chunkies came in bulk.


Why did they have to make the packets so tiny?


Gotta be for freshness.


Wyatt, I thought I could trust you!


I found this, still in its shrinkwrap.


Hey, I didn't get my free sea monkeeeeeys?


My Sea Monkeys were just a bunch of dehydrated onions!


MANHey! There's something on it on my burger.


It's alive!


ANOTHER MANMine too. Eeee!


[ SCREAMING AND MAYHEM ]


All right!


Huh?


You've been putting live sea monkeys on burgers?!


[ MAN VOMITING ]


MMM.


Let me out, Nikki!


The stores are closing in half an hour.


Okay! I'm here. Where's Caitlin?


[ CLEARS THROAT ]


Caitlin, we're worried about you.


We think you're only dating Les because he buys you stuff.


What are you talking about?


Les and I have tons in common.


Like what?


Besides shopping.


Well, we both like...


um...


Okay, maybe shopping's all we do together


but we both really enjoy it!


And who's paying all the bills?


Les is, but it's okay.


Les LOVES shopping,


and he's got plenty of money.


N'unh-uh. The guy's broke.


What?!


Les? Is that true?


[CLEARS THROAT] Well... yes.


Why didn't you say something?!


Because I was afraid that the only reason that you liked me


is because I buy you stuff.


It's true isn't it?


Well...


I am such an idiot!


You guys were right!


Oh, poor Les!


This whole thing is my fault.


What am I gonna do?


Well, the path to redemption is clear.


And it's straight down the returns aisle.


Oh. Like shopping only in reverse.


I can do that.


I know you see this coming...


Let's get it over with.


Wyatt, I'm sorry. But the band wants you out.


You're just too commercial for them.


I totally understand why I'm being dumped.


But the only reason I got the band into this mess


was because I thought it would impress you.


Impress me?


It's your talent and personality that impress me,


not free fries or rehearsal space.


Plus... I really like the way you smell.


Wait a minute...


the band's dumping me but you're not?


You can't get rid of me that easy.


Just promise that(a) you'll be yourself from now on


and (b) you'll get these fries away from me.


It's getting kinda gross. Done!


Let me talk to the guys.


Maybe they'll let you stay in the band after all.


She likes the way I smell...


Beaded halter top,


I think I'll miss you most of all.


What's all this?


A returns pile. Huh?


Guys, can we have some privacy?


Les, after all those shopping trips,


why didn't you tell me you were broke?


I tried...


but you never listened to anything I said.


Unless it involved colours and fabrics.


That's not true.


Okay it is.


I just got so swept away by our shopping chemistry,


our relationship took a back seat.


To be honest, what I really liked was being seen with you.


I knew it!


Sorry!


'Seen with'?


All my life I've been an invisible loser.


But everyone noticed me when I was with you.


As 'Caitlin's Boyfriend,' I was a somebody.


Well, now you can be 'Caitlin's Ex.'


That's something too.


Now, c'mon, let's return everything before it's too late.


Wait!


I want you to have a little something to remember me by.


It's gonna take more than that.



[ ♪ ]


Ahhh! It's official, guys.


I'm a mere burger flipper once again.


I told Cillian to find somebody else to sing his jingles.


And he didn't even fire me!


That makes one of us.


I'm gonna chill on the photography thing for a while.


What happened to your eye, Jonesy?


Wyatt's boss threw my camera at it


when I took pictures of all his customers barfing up Sea Monkeys.


[ STOMACH GROWLS ]


Whoa. Chill.


I can't believe they didn't fire you, Wyatt.


Yeah, turns out Sea Monkeys are actually brine shrimp.


They're alive but, technically, edible.


Edible yes,


but not easy on the old stomach muscle.


[ BELCH! ]


Ew! Fish smell!


[ ♪ ]