03x74 - Fashion Victims

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


Another Fortune from the Fortune cookie gods.


What's it say?


"Everything tastes better with MSG."


Right again. Unbelievable!


How long are you going to keep this up for?


Long as it takes for the cookie to get it wrong.


Utterly hopeless.


"Avoid blunt objects travelling at a high rate of speed."


Oh, come on!


I think you dropped your shoe, Jen.


More like threw it at you.


Thanks for NOT helping me with the box!


You are very welcome.


What are step-brothers for?


Ugh!


What's in there, anyway?


Stuff for the mall clothing drive.


I'm organizing it this year!


Anything cute?


Sure, if you're a miniature circus performer.


Weren't those your favorite suspenders from kindergarten?


[SIGH] I called them 'dispensers.'


Hey, I remember that sweater.


How do you people remember what Jen wore when she was seven?!


Ew, Jen, it's acrylic.


You think that's bad, check this out...


Hands off Hambert the Hamster!


[CHUCKLES] Hambert.


No way!


Your Dad was a biker?


No, but your dad was.


My dad was cool in his day?


Huh! Guess it is hereditary...


baked right into the ole Jonesmeister's DNA!


You wish.


Hey, stud man!


Yeah, baby!


[ LAUGHING ]


"Your girlfriend is laughing AT you, not WITH you."


Finally a fortune that's wrong.


My work here is done.


Actually that one was bang on!


Maybe there's something to these after all.


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN


♪ I'M TEEN ♪ TEEN


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Uhh... I can't take much more of this.


It's our third shipment of merch this week.


Oww!


My head hurts!


So does yours!


How's it going over there?


Good. I am determined to make the clothing drive a success.


MASTERSON!


Stop gabbing on the phone, or I confiscate the box!


But, Coach -- Drop and give me !


[ SIGH! ]


That goes for you too!


Great. I just lost a donation!


That's not all your going to lose if you don't get back to work!


Stupid Coach!


I'VE got a huge donation for you.


It's all boxed and ready to go.


Oh no you don't!


Our new super stretchy tanks aren't going anywhere!


Saaaave the super stretchy tanks!


JONESYHey, sweetcheeks.


[SIGH] Can I call you back?


I've got a fashion crisis in the store.


Later.


Hey, this girl is selling my sweater!


Ah, sir, that's not your sweater,


someone donated it.


It was me...


I am sick of looking at that moth-eaten rag.


Now, give it back to the girl.


[ GASP ]


[ SIGH ]


You're really going to keep wearing that, aren't you?


It's part of who I am.


You don't own a motorcycle.


You ride the BUS!


Oooh, we love your jean jacket.



Is it from Albatross and Finch?


It's vintage.


You mean vintage WASH?


We do have eyes, you know.


He means "vintage,"


as in it used to belong to his dad.


Ewwwwww!


You just touched somebody's gross old clothes!


Ahhhhhhhhhh! Quick! The disinfectant!


These aren't just somebody's, they're my DAD's.


This jacket has history!


We HATE history!


Ahhhhhhhhhh! My eyes!


On second thought, nice work.


[ ♪♪ FUNK ]


Hola, Chiquitas!


Oh yeah! Hey, kid.


You've got great style.


Tell me something I don't know.


I'm Laird, a 'cool hunter' from a market research firm.


If you're hunting for cool, you just hit pay dirt!


You ride a motorcycle,


so you must know what's happenin' on the street.


Lots of cars, the odd cyclist.


So what's the word?


What's hot, what's not?


Not so fast.


If I tell you what's cool, what's in it for me?


Cold hard cash. You in?


Now you're talkin' my language!


And all I have to do is tell Laird what's cool and cha-ching!


Major coin action!


Oh yeah, I've heard of Cool Hunters.


People travel the world trying to figure out the next hot trend.


Even a monkey couldn't screw this up!


Is that supposed to mean that you won't?


I can't believe YOU'RE going to decide what's hot and what's not!


Will you tell me so I can have it first?


Sure thing, Princess.


What do you even know about this Laird guy?


Sounds slimy to me.


So they're perfect for each other.


I know that he gave me his card, a camera


and the promise of lots of moula...


what else is there to know?


Can't blame Laird for wanting an inside track


with the coolest guy in the mall.


Jonesy, marketing companies take what people like you say


and spoon-feed it back to the rest of us.


Then don't buy it.


Your selling out your entire generation...


you know, your friends...


Not just friends, strangers and enemies too!


They're basically spying on us,


figuring out what we want before we even know that we want it!


People are spying on us?


There's probably fake marketers posing as teens right now!


Time to hit the streets...


in the mall.


You're going to look for new trends in the mall?


Ha! Everyone here looks EXACTLY the same!


Which means there is no way to spot the spies, dude!


Are you sure you haven't hit your head?


Positive, I've been wearing my helmet all day!


See ya!


That boy needs help.


So do I.


Can you help me sort through some of this stuff, Caitlin?


Me? Sure!


I'd be happy to help out those less fortunate.


No way!


Someone donated an original Didi Van Fostenberg!


In my size!


You are NOT the less fortunate, Caitlin!


True, but I'd be much MORE fortunate if I had that dress.


I'll donate four things if you let me try it on?


Pretty please?!


Put the dress down and back away...


slowly.


Jen sure is passionate about her charity.


I think that dude's spying on me...


[ ♪ ]


Hello, Hottie McGorgeouses!


[ THEY GIGGLE ]


Laird is gonna love ya.


[ ♪ ]


We're going to be famous!


Up here, perv! Oh hey, Nikki!


Heh.


I feel so sorry for these poor people.


NO ONE has worn hunter green for years.


You can not send them this.


Or this...


Ahhh! Or THIS!


Hey! My dispensers!


Hello, hat.


Hmm...


this would make a good disguise,


stop people from spying.


Jude, you look like a pirate...



in drag.


The bra will totally throw the spies off the trail, bra.


If you say so...


[ ♪ ]


Nikki was right,


there's not one new look in the whole mall!


Please don't tell Nikki I said she was right, okay?


Done taking pictures of hot girls already?


Just taking a breather.


Guess you'll be looking for a new job soon.


Turns out you were wrong, wrong, wrooong, Nikki.


I've found a ton of hot new trends for Laird.


Okay, smart guy. Name one?


And divulge trade secrets?! I don't think so.


He's got NOTHING!


I better get going... later.


You can tell me what's hot? Sorry, bro.


Jude's the one who can't keep a secret!


Dude!


How bout the time you told Serena that I had a teddy named Bucky;


the time you outed Coach as a closet figure skater;


the time -- I fold.


The reason I can't tell you what's hot


is because I don't have a clue.


Lay another one of those cookies on me?


"The answer you seek can be found right in front of you."


What on earth are you wearing?!


A disguise. You like?


Wait a minute.


If people wore this stuff before,


why can't they wear it again?


Because it's really ugly?


Watch and learn, Princess.


Laird? Jonesy.


We're talking feathered fedoras.


Yup. And little capes.


You heard me!


Uh, sorry, Jude,


that's a little far out, even for me.


If I were you, I'd find myself a feathered fedora factory,


and pronto!


So how long did Laird say it would take?


He said they'd move on it ASAP.


Ready to admit defeat yet?


Not even close, babe.


This clothing drive is going to be awesome!


Wow, you've got donation drop-boxes everywhere!


Ooh, this is actually pretty cute.


Hey Jen, can I borrow a few things?


I need to get some sh*ts to Laird.


sh*ts to Laird?


Can I be in your pictures?


Sure thing, princess. [SCOFFS!]


Yayyy!


I tell him what's hot, they get to model,


everyone's happy.


[SARCASTIC] Yeah, ecstatic.


Do I really HAVE to wear these socks for the sh**t?


They've got individual toes!


Toes are awesome.


You couldn't stand without 'em.


That garbage looks pretty urban.


Let's take some sh*ts over there.


You're destroying every last shred of individuality out there!


Oh, really?


And what is it that you do at the Khaki Barn again?


That's different!


I work there because I HAVE to.


And I don't?


Face it, Nikki... we play the same game.


On opposing teams!


I bet you won't last one more day as a cool hunter.


Care to put a price on that wager?


A weeks worth of nachos, perhaps? Deal.


You lose, you rub my feet for a week.


So there'll be stinky Cheddar all around? Grr!


Oooh, feathers on hats!


What?!


How do I look? Adorable, Kirsten.


[GASP] Cute capelets!


It can't be.


I just got the best idea ever!


Let's make these part of the new Khaki Barn UNIFORM!


Super perfecto, Kirsten!


We're the cutest khaki team that anyone has ever seen!


Eeeeeee!


I wonder what else is coming in for the new season?


Hopefully muzzles.


Here's your hat, Nikki!


You've got to be kidding me?!


That's what I'm talkin' about.


Score one for Team Jonesy!


Mmm... nachos.


Hmm, think I'll get the chicken supreme.


Start by chewing on this!


Hey, where's the salsa?!


[ ♪ ]


I can't... believe it...


I know, it's like I'm God or something!


Or Marc Jacobs!



His spring line is so adorable.


Wow, those sweatshops work fast!


I can't believe what fashion sheep people are!


BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!


You guys ready?


I need to send some more photos to Laird.


Definitely.


That last sh**t was wicked fun.


I can't believe you guys are helping Jonesy exploit everyone!


I can't believe I've gotten used to my toes!


So what's the next big trend?


Jude, some inspiration?


I have coffee for inspiration,


or figs, fig's have lots of fibre, dude.


Jude, gross, I mean the cookies.


Actually cookies don't -- oh, right...


"Hank says relax."


Good advice.


Been a little on edge since I found out 'bout the spies.


Who's Hank?!


No clue, bra.


Wyatt, you get the army helmet.


Caitlin, you can take that furry thing you love so much.


Yaaaaay!


And Jude, you get the tube socks, the cravat


and the poncho.


You really think Laird is going to keep buying this?


Heck, yes.


The whole mall has, haven't they?


[ ♪ ]


JONESYWork it, Wyatt! Work it!


Work it!


[ SIGH ]


[ VIDEO GAME CHIRPING ]


Bummer.


Ah, man, I lost again.


Why didn't they put armholes in this thing?


Because it's a poncho.


Whoa... Oof!


[ LAUGHING ]


[ ♪ ]


Stop looking at the camera.


I'm supposed to be spying on you.


Just make your coffee.


Right. Sorry!


[ ♪ ]


Oops!


More?! When will it end?


But I want to be on Team Jonesy!


I will NEVER be on Team Nikki!


Jonesy made us team T-shirts?!


Oh! [GIGGLE]


Hey! Hmph!


Unbelievable!


Oh my gosh. These are so WARM!


Of course you're warm.


We're INSIDE the mall!


Give me my T-shirt, Kirsten!


Hank says relax, Kristen!


What did you just say?!


Just the hottest new saying in the mall!


Get with it, Nikki.


Arggggggh!


[ LAUGHING ]


Did you see that last guy, with the socks?


Hilarious!


Man, I do love my job.


And I'd love to do mine.


Where's all that stuff you borrowed?


And where's Caitlin?


I'm trying to run a charity here.


CAITLINI'm sorry, I'm coooming!


[LAUGHING]


Caitlin!


That helmet was one of Jonesy's jokes.


I know, but I saw them in Albatross and Finch,


and they were just sooo cute!


Everybody's wearing them!


You decide vintage is the next big thing,


and now this is all I've got for the charity!


You think you've got problems.


I'm fresh out of new ideas for Laird!


I can't let Nikki win!


[ SIGH ]


Hey! You donated that to charity!


That was before polyester made a comeback!


Don't you just love vintage?


It's like so hysterical.


Uh, that's HISTORICAL.


Where's your Team T-shirt, Masterson?


Go, Nikki, go!


Where is Nikki, anyway?


[ KIDS CHANTING "NIKKI!" ]


Scram!


[ THEY CONTINUE CHANTING "NIKKI"]


Ah, no fair.


Why don't I have a team?


You do...


Are they gone?


Don't worry you're safe.



Ah, finally!


What was THAT?


That was me pulling my underwear from my butt...


where it's been like lodged for an hour.


I hate these girlie gitch.


Nice. Ew! Know the feeling.


I'm gonna pick up some of those boy-cut undies.


Wanna come?


Not only are those undies the best defense against hungry bum,


they're the best kept secret in the mall!


Best kept secret in the mall, huh?


[ ♪ ]


Laird is going to love this!


Where'd you take off to so fast?


Just uh, following up on something.


It's Caffeine Dream!


I've been looking for it everywhere.


It looks like soap.


It is.


Coffee soap.


What? Gross!


You don't drink it, you shower with it!


Gives you that Java jump start before your morning latte.


sh**t, I only have enough for two bars.


I'll have to come back.


Later.


Sweet!


[ ♪ ]


Laird, do I have some hot tips for you.


Underwear that battles hungry bum and coffee soap!


Yeah, you shower with it!


What else?


Umm.... uh...


Oh, drinking lemon juice is also great for your, uh, hair.


And fortune cookies? All the rage!


What?


What's going on?!


Everyone in the mall is after Caitlin's lemon juice!


My blender only spins so fast!


I don't suppose you'd know WHY


everyone's suddenly so hot for lemon whips?


It is warm in here.


Or why my coffee soap is suddenly sold out?


Supply and demand?


Or why Si Si Sombrero's is out of fortune cookies?


Why does a Mexican place have fortune cookies?


Dunno.


Not my fault they have the best fortune cookies in the mall.


That's probably why they're sold out!


GIRLThese new undies are the best!


They used to be the best kept secret in the mall!


It's not all my fault!


Stop looking at me like that!


Fine, then we'll look at your pictures.


NIKKIBusted.


I was just doing my job!


Admit it.


You sold us out so you wouldn't lose the bet!


That too.


Ugh, Jonesy!


I can fix it, okay?


Good. You can start now!


When life hands you a lemon hat,


make lemonade, right?


Dude, that was yesterday's fortune.


Aha... heheh... ah.


[ ♪ ]


I can't believe how much stuff people have donated.


Thanks, Jonesy.


How'd you get it all back?


Easy.


I just told Laird that vintage stinks.


What are you gonna tell him next?


Nothing. Got fired.


Laird said my trends need longevity.


And longevity is one thing the Jonesmeister never has for long.


So you won!


Yaaay, Team Nikki!


Yeah. But I donated all the T- shirts.


Thanks!


How about you, Jude? Any luck?


Lots.


Si Si Sombrero's just got in another shipment of cookies.


Lay one on me, brother.


"Always honour your bets."


Finally a fortune that makes sense!


A bet's a bet.


Remember the cookies NEVER lie!


Aww, no fair!


Hey, get back here!


Did the cookie really say that, Jude?


It says, "The words Kikoo-Lamalama-woo-woo


"will bring bad luck to all who say them out loud."


Ow.


Jude!


CAITLINThe banana hammock?


I don't make the fashion, dudes.


I just follow it.


Ew! Ewww! Ugh!


[ ♪ ]