03x69 - J Is For Genius

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


Huh! Do you realize in exactly one year to the day


we have to start applying for University?


That's cool.


Wait, how do you know that?!


What can I say?


I'm an organizational machine.


I am so going to rock the preppy collegiate look!


Feels like just yesterday I was chasing the boob.


Uh, it was just yesterday.


With that new hottie at the Penalty Box.


Oh yeah, she was hot!


Hey! Are you guys going to university together, Nikki?


Why are you asking Nikki?


Because Nikki's the go-to person in your relationship.


Totally. Totally.


Nikki's not the go-to person!


Wait, what's a 'go-to' person?


In every couple there's one person who makes the decisions,


and has all the answers.


In your relationship, that's Nikki.


What?! I'm totally the go-to person.


Yeah right. Whatever. In your dreams!


Well, I've always wanted to go to Banting.


They have an amazing Poli-Sci program.


But it is pretty tough to get into.


Are you saying I don't have the goods to get into your dumb school?


No, I'm saying you don't have the goods to get into my smart school.


Don't let the good looks fool you.


Up here is a well-oiled machine.


If you say so.


I'll prove it... with this.


Hmm. An I.Q. test?


They're doing them in that tent right over there.


This will be like taking candy from a baby.


Babies have it made. Boobs AND candy!


Uhhh.


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ I'M TEEN... ♪ TEEN...


[ ♪ ]


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Go, Jonesy! Go, Jonesy!


All the caffeine in the world won't help you pass the test.


See you at the I.Q. tent at three.


Hey, don't be late!


[ BELCH! ]


Ah, the sound of hot air escaping an empty brain cavity.


Aren't you even the least bit worried?


No offence, but in the I.Q. department,


Nikki's got you licked.


[ BELCH! ]


I don't need book smarts. I got something way more valuable.


Limited edition hockey cards!


No, Jude. Street smarts.


And guy smarts.


You make up for what you don't have in confidence.


It's about knowing you're the best, even if you're not.


Can't wait to see this...


All right, TEAM HUDDLE...


I have a very important announcement!


After six long seasons this coach is taking a time-out


in beautiful Los Cabos!


You're going on vacation?


Nice! Wa-hoooooooo!


My friend Jane here will be calling the sh*ts while I'm gone.


She has her own chain of sporting goods stores,


a degree in sports medicine, a zero handicap in golf,


and she still has time to supply soccer balls


to poor kids in developing countries.


I'm really excited to be part of the Penalty Box team.


I hope we can all learn a lot from each other.


Okay!


Wowie, wow, wow... wow!


Um, you're standing on my foot.


Oh, um, sorry.


Pirates of the Penguin Sea.


Dumberer and Dummiest Part FourThe Dummening.


I Talk to Dead Cats.


Why can't anyone make a good movie anymore?


Hear that, bro.


Something with heart. Something with soul.


Something that makes you think about the devastating purity of the human spirit!


Something with CHICKS!


You said it.



Oops, almost forgot...


Booty & the Borough?


You rented Booty & the Borough?!


Nah, they're my mom's. She asked me to return them.


Why? They good?


It's a chick series about dating in your thirties.


"Lonely and single Karla, wants more than a one night stand.


"But she's looking for love with all the wrong guys."


Dude!


There's sex in H-E-R-E!


I spelled the wrong word.


You go, girl!


Just drop the DVDs in the return slot so we can get outta here.


You look like you could use a new SX


to go with your tennis balls.


It's super lightweight,


and it will help you shed those unwanted love handles.


Another sale bites the dust.


Jen, what are you doing?


Coach always makes us take a five-minute major for losing a sale.


Get outta there!


Your job isn't to sell customers things they don't need.


It isn't?


You're doing a great job, Jen.


The way you handled that bungled shipment today, amazing.


You can even cash out tonight if you'd like?


Oh I'd like!


Coach doesn't think I can count to ten


let alone cash out!


One last thing...


You're not following through on your backhand.


See? Twice the power.


Ow!


Nice sh*t!


Hmm. Okay!


You'll be hearing from my lawyers!


No cheat sheets, wire taps or camera phones.


He's clean.


The fact that you think I would cheat on this test hurts me deeply.


Let the I.Q.-ing begin!


You've got two hours.


I have to write a test for two whole hours?!


On you mark, get set...


start writing!


Go, Nikki! Go, Jonesy! Go, Jonesy!


Whew!


Do you have that Ruby Rouge lip shine you always wear?


Never leave home without it, why?


Jane wears it too.


Maybe it would look good on me.


Who's Jane?


Only the BEST manager ever!


Shhhh!


Sorry.


[ BLOWS WHISTLE ]


Time's up, pencils down!


What?!


Hey! I wasn't finished!


You are now.


The results should be ready in a few hours.


NIKKISo?


"So" how badly did I kick your butt?


Or "so" how does it feel to be so brilliant?


Oh no. You've broken your brain.


Uh, that was my pencil.


Pen-cil.


I can see how someone of your intelligence


might get the two confused.


I'm off to find a job worthy of my advanced intelligence.


New Jersey Sweet Potatoes is hiring.


Actually, Things that Beep is looking for a computer technician.


They could use someone like me.


Yeah, to clean out the trash cans for the real geniuses!


Nikki thinks she's won now,


but she'll be sorry.


[ ♪ ]


Yeah, so uh, I could get into a lot of trouble for selling counterfeit tests


if my identity was to become known.


Your secret is safe with me.


Why's it so dark in here?


Oh! Busted.


So Nikki was right! You are cheating!


Wait, aren't you a little late?


You already wrote the test!


Like I could cheat with Nikki watching me like a hawk.


I had to think outside the test box.


A little bait and switch and PRESTO...


I'm declared a genius!


Isn't it much better to win fair and square?


HAHAHAHAHA!


Oh, Wyatt, Wyatt, Wyatt.


If I let Nikki win, there'll be no living with her!


I'm cheating for the good of our relationship!


This goes against everything I believe in.


Luckily I don't believe in anything,


so it's all good!


What if Edna sees you? What if you get caught?


What if I get arrested for guilt by association!


Dude, chill.


The Jonesmeister may not be a genius



when it comes to books and numbers and stuff,


but I'm the Stephen Hawking of the Bait 'n' Switch.


Watch and learn...


[ ♪ ]


Excuse me, I think you dropped these?


Gosh, what a polite young man.


Where'd you learn to do that?


These things can't be taught, Wyatt, my man.


You've either got it, or you don't.


Do I got it? No.


Okay, Booty & the Borough time to entertain me!


WOMANI've never enjoyed being caught in the rain so much.


What's your name, handsome?


MANUh, your umbrella's, um, poking me in the eye.


[ KISSING SOUNDS ]


Awesome.


Players are for paying customers only!


But I need to know what happens


with the pretty chick and the handsome dude!


Hands off my Booty & the Borough!


Later!


Slow down. Where's the fire?


I need my lip shine back.


I'm starting to chap!


Afternoon, girls...


[ GASPS! ]


Jen? I-is that you?


Nikki, Caitlin,


I'd like you to meet my new manager, Jane.


Good call on the lip shine!


Thanks.


We should probably get started on the stock room.


Love to stay and chat,


but Jane's gonna show me how to stack golf balls into a pyramid.


Circle's into triangular form? Oh fun!


That's what I said! [CHUCKLE]


[ THEY BOTH CHUCKLE EXACTLY THE SAME ]


That's crazy.


Jen is totally Jane's mini-me.


Huh. Jen really needs to learn to be her own person.


It's crazy because if there's anyone Jen should be copying,


it's me!


WOMANJust be careful,


Mr. Handsome is a notorious womanizer.


ND WOMANSomeone so cute can't be wrong.


What's life without a little risk?


Don't do it, bra!


You're better than that --


I'm okay.


Jude?


What are you doing here?


Watchin' my stories.


Well, you can't do it in here.


There isn't enough room for you, me, Jane


and all our golf balls!


There's gotta be somewhere I can watch my stories?


Ron's out doing his rounds!


Wicked.


Whatever happens, I'll be here for you.


"Nikki WongTop five percentile"!


Read it and weep, sucker!


That's our Nikki! Way to go!


Oh, come on! Don't rush me.


I want to savour the moment.


The moment before you lose?


I didn't do as well as I had thought --


Ha! Ha! I knew it!


I did better! Top one percentile!


I believe you were saying something about 'read it and weep'?


"Jonesy GarciaCertified Genius"?


It's okay. I gotcha.


Maybe there was some kind of mistake?


I'll field this one


since I'm obviously the 'go-to' person now.


Only mistake is you guys underestimating me.


♪ I am the smartest! I'm the smartest! ♪


♪ I'm the smartest! I'm the smartest! ♪


She's doing it wrong!


It goes extra extra small, extra small, small...


what comes after small?


Is there a size after small?


It's -- it's just not possible!


I didn't think so!


What are you wearing?


You got an job as an IT advisor at Things That Beep


You got a job as an IT advisor?


When they heard about my test scores,


Darth offered me the job.


But you don't know the first thing about computers!


Nikki, I'm a genius. I'll learn.


Here you go, ladies.


"Jonesy Garcia, Top One Per-cent Tile."


Uh, Mr. Genius? You spelled percentile wrong!


"Per-cent tile."


Hm! Looks okay to me.


Uh. I give up.


Finally some peace and quiet so I can watch my stories.


WOMANI went over to his place, and a girl answered the door.


ND WOMANOh honey, did you slap that good-for-nothing cad?


ST WOMANNot exactly.



ND WOMANDon't tell me you stayed!


ST WOMANOnly after the other girl left!


Hey, old bud-dy...


If I didn't know better,


I'd swear that was the stench of... adolescence.


Jane likes it full, but not too full.


And no pulp! Jane hates pulp.


It's a lemon squishie!


That's what they are, pulp!


Sorry, no pulp. Jane's orders.


Did Jane also order you to talk, act and dress


exactly like her?


What's wrong with the way I look?


Nothing, it's just that ever since Jane came to town,


you haven't been acting like yourself.


I think you have a girl crush.


That's ridiculous! I like boys.


[ JUDE SCREAMS ]


A girl crush is a nonsexual thing.


It's a strong attraction that one girl has for another


who is beautiful, sophisticated,


charming and accomplished.


Wow, Jude.


How do you know so much about girl crushes?


Karla --


I mean, I heard it somewhere.


That doesn't sound right.


Girl crushes are powerful things, dudette.


Trust me, I have girls crushing on me all the time!


For the last time, I don't have a girl crush!


Jane is the first person who's ever treated me like an adult.


I like and respect her, okay?


You're doing a great job, Harold.


The way you handled that irate customer, impressive.


Did you see that?


Jane is totally cheating on Jen!


Everyone's cheating!


First Jonesy on his I.Q. test,


then Mr. Handsome on Karla,


now Jane.


What did you just say?!


Mr. Handsome is cheating on Karla?


No no no, before that!


Uh... the part where I accidentally let it slip


after Wyatt swore me to secrecy


that Jonesy cheated on his I.Q. test?


That's the part.


UH! Jonesy has gone too far this time...


Poor Jen's in for a broken girl crush heart!


This will k*ll her!


I may not have long to live either, bra.


All my e-mails are coming in as weird mime files.


Ahh, the infamous Mime file...


M-ega I-rritating M-ooch E-mail.


Will suck your computer dry.


Best thing to do is just ignore it till it goes away.


I had my doubts, Garcia,


but you have the Jedi gift.


I just want to use my vast intellect to make other people happy.


Wa-hoo!


My first paycheck.


Much better than that, my Padawan,


you're one of us now.


Popcorn? I knew it!


My precious security console has been used to play


Booty & the Borough?


Sounds tawdry and immoral.


WOMAN ON TVMaybe I'm not just another notch on Mr. Handsome's bed post.


ND WOMANHoney, there's no room left on his bed posts.


Who's this Mr. Handsome?


I hereby call this meeting of Poetic Geniuses to order.


Chrissy? What are you doing here?


Just because I'm pretty doesn't mean I'm not smart!


I know what a burden looks AND brains can be.


What do you guys do at these meetings?


Sit around and marvel at the size of our brains?


Let's see if what they say about you is true.


Let's give someone else a chance!


I don't want to be, uh, a calculus hog.


Hey, he looks smart!


You watch too many movies.


WOMAN ON TVI think we need to talk?


MANAbout what, gorgeous?


WOMANYour rampant cheating, that's what!


It's either all those other women or me?


MANI pick all the other women.


A-HA!! Caught ya, bro!


You're totally hooked on Booty & the Borough!


I don't get why Mr. Handsome doesn't love Karla?


A girl like that, cute, sassy, smart as a whip.


They come around once in a lifetime, son.


Plus she's got k*ller style!


I hear that!


Nana always said was the answer to all of life's mysteries.


WRONG! The answer is X to the power of ten!


Nikki was right, you are a rebel imposter!


Nikki?! You did all this?


I set you up, Poindexter.


You're not a genius, and I just proved it!


But why?!



Because you cheated!!


I'm gonna k*ll Wyatt!


Did you really think there was such a thing as the 'Poetic Geniuses'?


And that Chrissy's smart enough to be one of them?!


I am getting a week of unpaid overtime out of you!


True.


Y'see, what lows you make me stoop to?!


Y'know what?


You're kinda hot when you're scamming.


Please! Stop with the hot already!


Just admit that I got you!


Yeah!


But I got you first!


Yeah, but I got you better.


Fine. Let's call it even.


Where's Jane?!


I brought her her favourite latte.


Hey! Thanks for the java.


Oh, and uh, Jane left this for you.


She didn't even say goodbye?


"Don't forget to order more sports socks. Jane."


Oh, Jane does care!


WOMAN ON TVEven though I couldn't afford them,


I decided the best way to walk out of Mr. Handsome's life for good


was with a new pair of sexy shoes!


This is the BEST TV series ever!


And so exactly like our own lives!


Maybe we're bonding a bit too much, dude?


What happens in the trenches, son, stays in the trenches.


You got that, soldier?


Now pass me the last bon-bon...


I love ya, step-bro, but a genius, you are not.


Was smart enough to fool all of you!


There's all different kinds of genius.


Like I'm a genius with colours and fabrics.


And I'm a genius on the ski slopes.


And I'm a genius with the beats.


Nikki, are you okay?


She's just mad because Kristen b*at her by two points on the I.Q. test.


She must've cheated!


I'm just glad I don't have to keep your secret anymore.


It was k*lling me.


Speaking of k*lling someone, anyone seen Jude?


What was that all about?


When two men emotionally bond,


they often feel they must hide their new found sensitivity,


lest they be judged as soft or weak,


dude.


Give me those Booty DVDs.


You've been watching way too many of those.


You're starting to freak me out!


Yeah, bring back the old Jude.


No dudes.


Not my stories. Let go.