03x76 - Cheapskates

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


[ SIGH ]


[ BLOWS WHISTLE ]


Sissy soccer cleats don't go up front and centre!


I happen to like soccer...


Five-minute FOUL!


Stupid Coach!


[ GASP! ]


Hi, I'm Gryphon.


Jen!


So, what'd you do to end up in the penalty box on your first day?


It was probably the unsanctioned breath I took earlier.


[ DEEP BREATH ]


Oops, there's another!


[GIGGLE] Oh, but it's so worth it


for the big minimum-wage bucks we make!


You mean it's worth it for all the hot chicks.


Oh, you mean me? [GIGGLE]


I know we don't really know each other, but...


maybe we could hang out sometime?


How's tonight?!


Too eager?


No, I like a girl who knows what she wants.


Pick you up at eight?


Eight it is! Later.


♪ I rock


♪ I rock


♪ I ro --


I'm still here.


Can we pretend I didn't just do that?


No, you definitely did it.


Nice moves.


But we can pretend I didn't see it.


That works too.


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN


♪ I'M TEEN ♪ TEEN


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


And then even though I did a stupidly embarrassing dance,


Gryphon still asked me out!


Eeeee!Eeee!


Sounds like a keeper. Where are you guys going?


A stroll around the fake lake?


Maybe some nosh at that French café?


Or a midnight make-out session under the stars?


No clue.


Guess my date with Gryphon will be a total surprise.


Got a date?


Eeee! At eight!


That'll give you time to do something with that hair.


What's wrong with my hair?


Guess the guy's beyond looks. Oww!


I'm going home to change.


A little lipstick and mascara wouldn't hurt either!


Mmmm!


Dude? What are you doing?


You hold it in your mouth for a bit,


then you swallow, dude.


Unlocks the flavour.


Please, Jude! Stop swishing!


I have to pee so badly.


I've got a suggestion.


Go - to - the - bathroom.


And use the gross washrooms?


No way! I can hold it.


Have I ever told you guys


how much I love water slides?


WHOOOSH!


Jonesy!


Almost as much as I love Niagara Falls?


Whooosh! Wyatt!


Personally? I love sprinklers.


[ WHOOSHING ]


Ooh, I can't hold it any longer!


Hey, what do you need me for?


You did this to me!


I'm not going into those sick-o washrooms alone.


Uh, dude? Caitlin's gone.


Oops.


I could haul you in for liquid littering, maggot!


What's with the weird glasses, mall cop dude?


They're infrared goggles.


The latest in crime- fighting technology.


Infrared goggles? Cool!


Can they see through clothing?



Goggles are NOT a toy, street meat.


They detect heat - and red is the colour of guilt.


Innocent people don't sweat!


STOP! You're clearly guilty of something!


Ahhh - I just came from the gym!


Are you done yet? I have to get to work.


What am I saying?


Take all the time you need.


Thanks for coming with me, Nikki.


The moral support makes it not so gross.


Oh, no! I can't wash my hands!


Relax, I've got some hand sanitizer.


I knew I brought you here for a reason.


MANBebé! ¿bebé?


Te quiero, te necesito, tienes que creerme!


Oh, I've always wanted to date a Spanish guy.


You're so lucky.


You've lost me?


Jonesy is a Garcia.


The only thing Spanish about Jonesy is his love of salsa.


As in the condiment, not the dance.


MANDime lo que tengo que hacer y lo haré!


Dime algo, bebé!


Maybe now's your chance?


Get out there and bag that Spanish hottie!


You are the best washroom wing-woman ever!


Oh, he's so dark and mysterious!


Only a hot Euro guy could pull off such tight pants.


Can you imagine the guys in those?


[ ♪♪ EURO-DANCE ]


Oww!


Ew! I need to sanitize my brain.


Okay, now's your chance!


Go talk to him. Not yet, Nikki.


First I'm going to learn Spanish


so we can speak the language of love.


Wait You're going to learn an entire language


just so you can date a guy?


I've already dated all the eligible English-speaking ones!


True.


Man, would I ever like to ask that cute blonde out!


Si. You must!


La vida es corta... uh, 'life is short.'


I'll do it... tomorrow.


Estúpido.


Hey! I understood that.


I can't wait for my Spanish language tapes to arrive!


Then I can ask out my Spanish hottie!


Tell me one thing Spanish people have ever done for the world?


Hmm, let's see... well they discovered America,


created some of the world's most recognized dances


and revolutionized modern art.


Hellooo... Picasso?!


I said name one thing.


Doesn't your Dad speak Spanish?


You should ask him to teach you.


I already know all the Spanish I'll ever need.


Oh, teach me! Teach me!


Repeat after me, idiota.


Don't listen to Jonesy! He only knows swear words.


[ GASP! ]


Whoa, bra.


You look smokin'!


[WHISTLE] You're one hot mama --


I mean step-sis.


What, too weird?


Yup. Definitely.


Affirmative, bro.


You and Gryphon are going to have


the best first date ever!


Hi, Jen. Wow, you look amazing!


Ready to go? Definitely.


Gryphon sure has all the right moves!


That is one good- looking fellow!


Too weird?


Yup. Affirmative, bro. Definitely.


I've been waiting all week to see "Minor Movie Star".


It got three popcorn tubs out of five!


I hear Jessica Stinson's acting range went from flirty


to flirty and bouncy. [GIGGLE]


Oh, I seem to be a little short.


No worries. You can pay me back.


Oh no! They're sold out!


Forget the movie.


I have an even better idea!


You are so beautiful in this light.


Remind me to thank my friend for sneaking us in.


Who knew a window display could be so romantic!


Plus it's a great deal... % off!


[GIGGLE] Are you still hungry?


Got any more free samples


of that great soup from Soup's On?


No, but can I interest you in a biscotti chunk


and a coffee sample from Grind Me?


Thanks.


My name is Caitlin.


Me llamo Caitlin.


But this isn't what I ordered.


I am injured. Where is the nearest hospital?


North of us.



Estoy herida.


¿Dónde está el hospital más próximo?


Hola.


So how did the big date go last night?


Muy amazing!


The movie was sold out,


so Gryphon and I spent the whole night


on the porch swing in Willow & Williams


swinging and talking.


Eeee! That is so romantic!


Then Gryphon got us free food samples


and we had a window display picnic.


He's so sweet!


When are you guys going out again?


Not sure. He hasn't called yet.


Don't worry, he will.


There's definitely a next day calling rule for great first dates!


[ CELL PHONE RINGING ] See? Told ya.


Hello? Hey, Jen.


I had a great time last night.


Want to do it again tonight?


Okay. Can't wait!


Bye. Bye.


Oh, no! What have I done?!


Uh, you agreed to go out with a guy you really like.


But I don't know if I can follow up


with last night's perfect date.


What if the next one's a flop?


I guess Jonesy and I could tag along.


A little double dating action to take the pressure off.


AGHH! Whoa!


You're the bestest!


I'll take that as a Yes!


Hmmm...


Slow down, maggot! This isn't a speedway.


WHooaaaa!


[ CRASH ]


[ MOAN ]


That's it! Stealing tacos, I see?


You're coming with me, mister!


[ STOMACH GURGLING ]


TAKE COVER!


AHHHHHHH!!!


There's gotta be a mall ordinance


against unlawful gas emissions?


Dude! Can you see farts with those things?


Yes, soldier.


You want the goggles?


[ LAUGH ]


You can't handle the goggles!


Would you like to go to the movies?


¿Te gustaría ir al cine?


How about dinner?


¿Te gustaría cenar?


You must not let amor slip away!


Embrace it while you can.


Hola. Me llamo Caitlin.


¿Te gustaría ir al cine?


¿Te gustaría cenar?


Desastre.


What did she say?


I didn't understand a word she said


because she's Spanish!


Lucky for you, so am I...


I can't decide between the NFL fries or the NHL nachos?


He'll have the fries.


I'm not sitting through an entire movie


with your heinous jalapeÑo breath.


I'll have the World Cup tostitos.


How about you, Gryphon?


Uh... just water for me. I'm not hungry.


I can loan you some money?


Being with you is all the sustenance I need.


Mmmm!


I'll just enjoy my nice, cold tomato soup.


Oh... well, what's mine is yours!


I'll never be able to finish.


You gonna eat all those?


I'm gonna try!


I gotta have those goggles!


Wherever there's gas to pass,


the 'Fartman' will be there!


Hunh... mommy? Sing me a lullaby?


[TO ROCK-A-BYE BABY] ♪ Rock-a-bye Rent-a-cop ♪


♪ In his golf cart


♪ When the fart blows


♪ Jude's world will rock ♪


Don't worry, mall cop dude.


I'll bring them back good as new.


[JONESY'S STOMACH GROWLS] Mmm! Mmmm!


Sorry, Jen. Did you want it?


[STOMACH GROWLS] It's okay.


I like to leave room for movie popcorn.


I gotta use the facilities.


Not like I ordered anything anyway.


No, you just ate all our food!


Thanks for roping us into an evening with El Cheapo!


Gryphon's not cheap!


Whatever.


Let's pay and get out of here? Movie starts in ten.



Okay, there are two extra loonies. Who needs bus fare?


If no one else wants it!


Hey, aren't you our new bus boy?


Who, me?


Maybe. I'm on break!


How come Seniors get a discount and students don't?


Oh, this is a gross social injustice!


You know what... let's sneak in the back way.


That'll teach them to overcharge!


Sorry, but I've been waiting all week


to see 'Karate Kay-yah'.


Yeah, I'm not in the mood to spend the night


in Ron's jail cell.


You're not gonna let these buzz kills ruin it, are you?


Eeee! I feel so dangerous.


No fair! We paid!


Friends don't let friends break the mall law.


Now, I've got a goggle- stealing perp to smoke out!


Can I walk you home? There's a full moon tonight.


Home? But it's over an hour's walk!


Hope you brought your walking shoes.


Gryphon stole our bus fare.


[ ♪ ]


¿Qué pasa?


Could ask you the same thing?


Wearing tassels makes me feel more Spanish,


and these salsa shoes are surprisingly comfortable.


Wish I could say the same thing about mine!


Oh, yeah...


[GASP!] Jen!


What happened to your hideous feet?!


Gryphon and I walked home from the mall last night.


But that's over an hour's walk!


Believe me, we know.


It was all worth it.


I think Gryphon's -- "The One"?


The bandages you ordered, my lady.


And a coffee to numb the pain.


Aww... Thanks, Gryphon.


The glue's all dried up.


Maybe you should return the bandages to the pharmacy


and get your money back.


I could...


except I bought them at Cheap O' Bin for a buck.


Why pay retail when you can go wholesale, right, Gryphon?


Right you are, my man.


Whoa! Lemon squishies are pricey!


What drink has the most lemon for my money?


Lemonade. That'll be $ . .


Hey, Jen!


Spot me a fiver?


Guess I'm a little short today.


Here. It's on the house.


Thanks, Cait. Bye, guys.


I don't get it. What does Jen see in that guy?


She's going broke bankrolling his cheap butt!


I saw El Cheapo eating mustard packets for breakfast.


I saw him stealing toilet paper from the washroom.


I saw him in Grind Me


putting all the leftover coffee into a mug.


Then he asked the barista to nuke it!


Please tell me that's not the coffee he just gave to Jen?!


OHH! AUGHHUGH!


Hola, hermosa!


Did that guy just call you a hermosa?


I'll k*ll him!


Do you even know what that means?


Neither do I!


Jen may be dating El Cheapo,


but at least she understands what her guy is saying.


I'll find you, you goggle-stealing no-good!


[ SOMEONE FARTS ]


Awe-some!


In Spain, we romance through the dance.


You have learned muy bien.


What if I trip?


What if I forget the steps?


Or worse -- step on her toes?!


I will be here to coach you the entire time, si?


Wowzas! Ouch!


[IN HEAVY ENGLISH ACCENT] Sus ojos son tan grandes!


Sus labios están tan hinchados.


I han't feewl my wip...


Ahhhhhhhhhh!


Wait, dude!


It's all in the name of fart forensics!


Ouch, oohh. Ouch! Ouch!


Feet bleeding on the job,


that's dedication, Masterson!


I've got our romantic date all planned.


Make sure to wear comfortable shoes.


Okay! Eeee!


Who's hungry?!


For free tacos? Always!


What's with force feeding us refried beans, Jude?


I gotta see more infrared farts


before Ron takes his goggles back!


You want to watch me fart?!


I-I-I don't know what to say.


Sit tight, Jude.



You're about to see something special...


This is your idea of a romantic date?


I'm a little short on cash.


Shh! They're about to start the reading...


"The leprechaun searched everywhere for that elusive rainbow."


OUCH! LOSER!


I'm beginning to think you're right.


A free pet store tour?


Aw, those bunnies are cute!


Gryphon? What are you doing?!


That bird seed is for the parrot!


Don't see the parrot's name on it!


Are we waiting for something?


[ LAUGH ]


People watching really IS the best entertainment.


Yeah, I'm a bit hungry.


Maybe we can get something to eat?


Oh, here, I brought extra for you.


Thanks for the, um, 'date,' Gryphon.


But I'm gonna take off.


Wait, you can't leave yet!


There can't possibly be anything free


that we haven't already done!


Uh... I need bus fare.


Can I bum some 'til payday?


Adiós, El Cheapo!


[ ♪ ]


Esta relación está terminada! Hah?


Gracias por el baile, Jasper.


It's like watching TV


when you accidentally press the SAP button.


What happened?


Unfortunately, we don't speak Spanish.


The dance was nice


but I need someone who understands me.


In English.


Did you finally dump El Cheapo?


Was everyone calling him that?


I just can't figure El Cheapo out.


He makes the same as me at the Penalty Box.


Where does all his money go?


Maybe he has a sick parent to support?


Maybe he's really bad with his money?


Or maybe El Cheapo likes living off the backs


of hard-working saps like you and me!


Okay, hard-working saps like YOU.


My El Sporto bus boy days are over.


Perhaps that's because you never went to work?


A definite possibility...


[ STOMACH GURGLING ] Uh-oh, Jude! It's time!


You! With the fart fetish.


I want those goggles back!


JUDEWicked!


That was even better than I expected, dude.


Me! Me! I want a turn!


I want a turn!


No, Dude! Dude!


[GASP!] Gryphon's totally loaded.


Hey I want my bucks back!


Bra, come back!


Jonesy's about to blow again!


Any minute now...


[ FART ]


Aww, man. Oh no!


[ ♪♪♪ ]