03x77 - Opposites att*ck

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


This is it, guys. The job we all dream about.


And I got it.


What are you rambling about?


You're a secretary at a travel agency.


A secretary?!


I'm a call center representative!


I've never seen you this excited about work before, Jonesy.


A - My desk has a giant LCD screen.


And C - They have high-speed internet.


Which means -- B - you don't actually have to do any real work.


I get paid to play video games all day!


Hey, that must be my co-worker.


I'm Jonesy, the new guy.


Hey, name's Joanie.


Ahh...


Can the new guy help you?


We're just here to wish Jonesy good luck on his first day!


Doesn't need luck.


We get paid to play video games all day.


I just told them the same thing!


What's wrong with your friends?


You're pretty.


Aren't you gonna answer that?


Woo-hoo! Three points!


What do you think you're doing?


You have work to do!


On your free-throw sh*t!


Aaaah! A-ha!


Ha! I like your style!


Look, Jonesy's got a new playmate.


Isn't that sweet.


She's not sweet...


she's smokin'!


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


I don't think I've ever seen Jonesy so happy in a job.


Well he seems to be getting along great with that Joanie girl.


Wow, Nikki.


I'm totally impressed by your self-control.


You've lost me.


You don't seem jealous at all


that Jonesy is working with a --


Smmmokin' hottie!


Whoa!


Jealous? Please.


I'm happy Jonesy has finally found his dream job --


Courtney?


What are you doing here?


I'm just in town to run some errands.


Don't tell Mom or I'll get roped into a big family thing.


My lips are sealed.


Hey, Caitlin, you're just as pretty as I remember.


Thanks, Courtney!


And your um... fun too, Nikki.


Nice to see you too, Courtney.


I gotta go... bye! Bye.


Me too. My shift starts in five.


Sorry about the drive-by Courtney-ing.


I thought she was lovely.


You would.


Omigosh, it's the cutest ever!


Mohair mini-sweater dresses!


EEEEeee! EEEEee!


They wouldn't look good on you, Nikki.


You're too big-boned for mohair.


I'm going to introduce you to my fist bone


if you don't quit your cackling!


MASTERSON! We kick off in five minutes


and you waltz in here like it's a half-time show!


I'm right on time, Coach.


Save the excuses!


By the way, where do we keep the ping-pong paddles?


Uh, in the ping pong paddle aisle -- bottom shelf.


I don't know where anything is around here.


We need a store-wide inventory... PRONTO!


And you're team captain! Thanks for volunteering.


Yes, Coach...


Ugh, I hate inventory.


Counting every sport sock,


every golf ball,


It's so mind numbingly boring!


I love mind-numbing.


One day I counted every single


blade of grass on my front lawn.



Okay...


But I lost count after ,


when I went to take a pee


and I forgot to mark my spot where I left off.


So I started again --


That's great Jude.


Sounds like you'd be great for inventory.


How 'bout it? Sure bra.


Great!


Now all I have to do is convince Coach.


Hey Wyatt, I'm on my second break.


But you only started work an hour ago?


I know! My new job rocks!


Give me two orders of chicken fingers.


[ ♪ ]


Studies show that eating spicy chicken fingers


improves employee performance.


Hubba -- mass -- manana.


Is he slow?


Slow with the chicken fingers? Yes.


Yes! I totally nailed that one!


You are a true artiste!


[ laughing ]


Joanie has the best ideas.


And not for saving the planet or anything.


Fun stuff like water balloons!


Yeah, she's a real giver.


I become this babbling idiot whenever Joanie's around.


No, you think?


She's just so smmmmokin' hot!


You're never going to guess who we ran into today?


You should hear Joanie's belch!


It's louder than this...


Jonesmeister. Jonesmeister.


Go ahead, GUESS?!


Is break time over? Don't worry.


As long as we're only three minutes late per break,


no one can say anything


but it adds to a whole day of paid vacation every year!


Aw man, that is genius, huh Nikki?


Jonesy?


Didn't you forget something?


Oh yeah!


Bye everybody.


We saw Courtney! Argh...


I tried.


What's that for?


It's a donation box to help the hungry.


Who's hungry? Me.


Wasn't I cute?


Isn't that like wrong or something?


Jonesy, Jonesy, Jonesy.


People don't make donations to help the poor and hungry.


They do it to make themselves feel better.


And for the tax write-off.


Donate a dollar for the hungry?


Score!


Curly fries, here we come!


You're my hero.


So Masterson tells me you wanna play on the Penalty Box team?


Yes sir, Coach dude!


Quick, how many fingers?


Uh, four.


No, five!


That's right, son.


Four fingers. One thumb.


Most morons would have answered five!


Ha!


You, me and Masterson are in a boat.


We need to lighten the load if we're gonna win the race.


Quickly, who do you throw overboard?


Her? What?!


Jen's the best swimmer.


That is true.


I sink like a stone. Nice.


You're hired!


Sweet. I'm hired.


Four orders of spicy curly fries, please.


I know this looks bad but the fund raisers have to eat too.


A-ha...


I bet I can eat these in five seconds or under.


No way. I'll take that action.


Let the fry-off begin!


[ Gasps ] Wyatt, look!


Did you see that?


Joanie's feeding Jonesy curly fries!


Maybe Jonesy's just really hungry?


I tried.


Inventory sucks.


No, bra. I love it.


Sort of like guided meditation...


one sports bra...


two sports bras...


three sports bras...


Just stay out of Coach's way. He bites.


No problem-a, amiga.


Jen, we have a total emergency!


Bigger than that pile of sports bras Jude is counting?


Way bigger.


Maybe you should take a seat first, Nikki.



Caitlin, I'm busy. I don't have time for this.


Fine, so I'm not busy.


Can you make it quick anyway?


Brace yourself.


Joanie was feeding Jonesy curly fries!


And?


Aw, Nikki, if you need a hug --


I don't need a hug!


Why should I care if Joanie gave Jonesy something to eat?


Let her hear it, Caitlin.


The way to a boy's heart is through his stomach.


What was that?


'Girl Talk' podcast. Never miss it!


I refuse to take dating advice


from some stupid cell phone.


Hey! That's my stupid cell phone!


[ ♪ ]


Wicked -- Yo -- Dude


Jude!


Where did that come from?


Had to take the boxes out of the stock room to count them,


and a ramp was born.


We gotta take this ramp down right away!


Why are there so many little punks in my store!


WHAT - IS - THAT?!


Your store rocks, Coach dude.


[ sniffing ] Ahh, the sweet smell of profit.


I can't remember the last time Masterson hit a home-run like this!


How'd you like to join our sales team, Jude? What?!


Store's got a harsh vibe, dude.


Not sure if it's really my scene.


Then make it your scene!


Lace-up your skates, boy...


'cause you're my new right-winger!


JONESYYour King is dead and your village is in ruins!


[ laughing ] Surrender, foe!


Whatever, dork.


You think you can defeat me that easily?


Aw, man.


How'd your army get so big so fast?


[ Clearing throat ]


Do you have any tickets for the Museum of Civilization?


No, but I just plunged his civilization


back into the dark ages!


Now what do you say?


Congratulations, Joanie.


You are the Builder of Civilizations.


[ Laughing ] You're a disgrace to the Jonesmeister name!


Can I please have my cell phone back?


Only if you promise to stop talking about Joanie and Jonesy.


I won't bring it up again. Swear!


[ Laughing ]


I call this move 'the Jaws of Jonesy'.


Whoa. Dude is cute.


Think you could let me go?


Excuse me? I think you dropped five bucks.


Oh, it's not yours?


Then how about I use it to buy you a coffee?


Girl has some slick moves.


Would you like some energy drink, ma'am?


How about you, sir? Energy drinks?


I can't believe stupid Coach listened to stupid Jude.


I have better things to do than serving people!


Boy. this store has never been busier!


I nominate Jude for MVP!


What!?


But it's his first week!


I've never been Most Valuable Player!


You call that team spirit, Masterson?


Just look at the customers Jude brought in.


Customers buy things.


These people are just here for the free drinks.


Well you just can't put a price on karma.


Jude told me that.


Jude!


Skateboarding's forbidden in the store.


Jude says it helps him think.


What have you got for me now, Lisowsky?


Don't hurt yourself.


I think the store needs some lava lamps.


Love it!


Masterson, why didn't you think of lava lamps?


Because this is a sporting goods store!


You're not thinking 'outside the Penalty Box'.


Five minute foul!


This can't be happening!


I know! Coach has lost his mind!


He loves every one of Jude's crazy skateboard- inspired ideas.


Nikki's talking about Jonesy and Joanie.


We saw them hugging.


Hugging!? Are you sure?


They were like this!


Hello, beautiful.


Uhh...I don't think so.


What if Jonesy has fallen for her?


I guess some guys might find her sorta cute.


More like, gorgeous!


And they have so much in common.


They're practically two peas in a pod!


I'm just gonna stop talking now.



Wait. Slow down, Nikki.


Have you even asked Jonesy what's going on?


No.


Guess I owe the lunkhead that much.


We're supposed to catch a movie in an hour.


I'll talk to him then.


They're playing...


whale music?


[ ♪ ]


Jonesy?


I thought we were going to see a movie?


We are. Joanie's gonna join -- cool?


The more the merrier...


[ laughing ] Man, are those people ever stupid!


The monster who smelt it, dealt it!


Um, guys?


You're getting popcorn all over me.


Okay, I'll hold it...


Jonesy -- stop hogging the corn!


Sorry, can you still see, Nikki?


Oh, totally.


Why don't we just get another tub of popcorn.


Because Ms. Charity Donation Box over there


wasted her time on German tourists.


What are we gonna do with Deutschmarks?!


Hunh? I don't discriminate.


I'm an equal opportunity scammer.


Plus, I've always wanted to go to Berlin.


They have the best industrial German music.


Over there they just call it music.


Last week you didn't even know where Germany was?


Joanie schooled me.


Someone has to educate.


No offense.


I'm going to get some jube-jubes.


Make that two! Excuse me?


Right, sorry. Make that three!


Don't want to leave out Joanie.


Perish the thought.


Thanks for the laughs, Jonesmeister.


See you at work. Later.


Nikki?


It's called the art of the soft sell, dude.


The soft sell?


If you merch it, they will come.


Can I still thr*aten them


if they can't make up their minds?


No, dude. Love conquers all.


But what if you haven't made your sales quota?


You can't just stand there!


Masterson! Keep your helmet on.


I wanna try this soft sell thing.


Even though she didn't buy anything,


I like how it makes me feel.


Sort of like a big fuzzy penguin or something.


You're on your way, Dude.


Thanks, dude.


Ugh!


I got tired of watching them bond


so I bailed in the middle of the movie.


I can't believe Jonesy would do that!


No more lemonade for him!


Guys can be such jerks sometimes.


Joanie's so hot!


I just realized I'm the only guy at this table.


I appreciate the support, guys --


or rather girls -- but this is between me and Jonesy.


Hey guys. Hi Nikki.


I gotta get to work.


What's her problem?


What's her problem?


What is your problem!


How could you do that to Nikki?


Is this about the extra butter on the popcorn?


I know how Nikki hates that.


We saw you hugging Joanie!


And feeding her curly fries.


Wait, you guys don't think I like Joanie?!


I can't talk to you right now.


Say hi to Joanie for me.


Since I obviously can't.


I have no where to go, but I'm still leaving!


Guys? Let me explain!


Fine!


I don't need any of you!


I'm a lone wolf!


I'm an island!


[ laughing ]


It's no fun when you don't react!


Who put salt in your sugar shaker?


Nikki thinks we have a thing.


You've got to be kidding?


Us! No way!


Dude, I know!


I mean, I realize it's difficult to resist


my natural charms and good looks.


I've always been more of a guy's girl


but I do know a thing or two about women.


Show Nikki how much she means to you


and she'll be putty in your hands.



Hey, did we ever get those tickets for that museum thing?


Nikki loves museums.


How should I know?


Right, I'll check it out myself.


Thanks, Jonesmeister.


Anytime, Jonesmeister.


This can't be... maybe if I carry the zero?


No.


Face it, Coach.


The sales figures are terrible.


We haven't sold a thing all week.


Go with the flow, Coach.


Flow?


Ugh.


I gotta do something.


Before we're all out of a job...


[ bubble bursts ]


What was that? Gum?


I hate gum!


A little off-side gum chewing, Coach.


Not a big deal.


Just go with the flow, right?


[ POPS BUBBLE ]


May the sales force be with you.


I have only begun to fight.


We're like sorry about your messed up love life, Nikki.


We are?


If you wanna cry, we won't take pictures for our blog.


[ giggling ]


Leave now or I force feed you garbage.


Last time we try to be nice!


Khaki Barn reserves the right to refuse service to jerks.


Aren't you even going to look at the tickets?


I couldn't care...


[ gasps ] You got tickets for the new exhibition!


I've been dying to see it!


Wait, how did you know?


These babies actually work, y'know?


I don't know, Jonesy.


You like spitballs, belching and well, I don't.


Maybe you should be with someone like Joanie?


[ laughing ] That would be like dating myself


and I already spend too much time with me as it is.


I like that when I'm with you,


I don't have to start all my stories at the beginning.


That was the sappiest thing I've ever heard.


Thanks.


[ ♪ ]


Least one thing is back to normal.


[ pops bubble ]


You okay, Coach?


Never been more chill.


So you don't mind that my socks don't match?


No problem-a, amiga.


Oh, look!


A chocolate stain on my penalty box jersey.


No biggie, right


I accept the path of love.


You're gonna let me get away with that?!


That's it! I give up...


MASTERSON!!!!


Spit out the gum! Change that jersey!


Fix your socks! Clean up this mess!


Jude, you're fired!!


Thank you! Thank you!


Oh, and Jude, no hard feelings?


About what, bra?


Aw, thanks.


No, seriously. About what?


MASTERSON!


I can't believe you let me hire this lunkhead!


Red card! You're on probation!


I give up.


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]