04x81 - Labour Day Part A

[bunniefuu]

[ ♪ ]


Hey, Jonesy, did Jen's mom have the baby last night?


Nah, still a few weeks to go.


Babies have it made, dudes...


free food and transportation,


all from the comfort of your very own waterbed.


If I was a baby, I'd stay inside forever.


Well, I'm tired of waiting for her to pop.


I can't wait to say hello to little Jonesy Jr.


Jonesy Jr.?


And what's wrong with that?


First of all, Jen's mom is having a girl.


Maybe she'll be called Jen Jr.!


Or one of the other billion possible names....


Maybe you'll both be right.


Maybe the baby will be named Jenzy.


Jenzy?! Yech.


Worst name ever.


Oh, I dunno, how about Wyatt?


That's a fake name if I ever heard one.


Fake? There have been plenty of famous Wyatts.


Painters, cowboys...


Come on, cowboys aren't real;


they're fictional, like pirates and Vikings.


What about Caitlin?


That's a great name for a girl,


you know, if she's pretty.


And if she's not pretty?


Then go with Bertha or something.


I'm going to go grab my morning coffee.


Does anyone want anything?


Mom is having the baby!


What? What! What?


But she's not due for weeks.


Try telling the baby that!


What do we first? Oh Wow! We're not ready!


STOP! She's on her way to the hospital right now,


and we ARE ready.


Let's quickly review the job assignments I handed out last week.


I call and notify everyone on the list.


Oh no!


I don't have the contact list with me.


I have an extra. Jonesy.


Uh... I, with -- I take, get...


Courtney brings Diego and Robbie to the hospital.


You keep them out of trouble. Right. Yes.


Wyatt.


Use the money we pitched in to get a gift for your mom and the baby.


Nice. Jude? [ CELL PHONE RINGS ]


Hang on.


Aloha, this is Jude.


Jen's mom is having the baby!


What?! But she's not due for weeks!


Caitlin! He's on the list.


Focus people, this is not another drill,


this is the real deal.


Jude! Pictures!


Always, always, always have my camera on me!


Take pictures of the baby!


Nikki?


Make sure Jude has his camera


and takes pictures of the baby. Good!


That's your job assignment?


Sad but true, my friend.


JENYou guys head to the hospital.


I need to tell Coach I'm not coming to work today.


I'll meet you there.


I feel Nikki's job assignment reflects poorly on me.


Where is the trust? Would I let you down?


Has there ever been a --


Do you have your camera with you?


[ SIGH ]


Yes I do!


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ I'M TEEN... ♪ TEEN


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Looking for Emma Garcia's-- Masterson.


Emma Masterson-Garcia's room.


Let's go!


Room !


No running.


You're her "what" partner?


Lamaze.


It's a breathing technique used in birthing.



Jonesy's dad is away on business a lot,


so I took the classes with my mom in case he was out of town,


WHICH HE IS, so I really need --


Fine, whatever, go.


But if you ask me, women have it too easy nowadays


with their fancy "Lamanze" classes and their hospitals.


And the beds that go up and down.


Why, when my mother had me she was at work.


Really?


Yep, I was born right where you're standing.


Eww!


It was messy, but very poignant.


She just scooped me up and finished her shift.


I love that woman.


She says that's the day I made my first sale!


Ew!


Why walk...


When you can ride?


All right, everyone who is supposed to know, knows.


Hey Jonesy, you could --


Why does this not surprise me?


Should I call and find out where they are?


I don't think you're supposed to use your cell phone in hospitals.


Don't be silly, Wyatt.


That's microwaves, not hospitals.


You're not supposed to use a cell phone in a microwave?


See? Nikki knows.


[ SIGH ] I really need a coffee.


[ ♪ ]


Hey!


This is fun.


It's like a chair, but it's on wheels.


A wheeeel chaaaaair.


Watch it! You jerks!


Hey, this would be a great way to make some coin...


wheel chair races.


Right on.


We got the chairs,


all we need now are volunteers.


CLEAR!


There's no way this could go wrong!


Hello?


Jen? Where are you?


On my way.


What's happening? How's my mom?


MOMTell her I'm doing fine.


The contractions are still quite FAAAARR AAAAApart!


Your mom says she's doing... fine.


Well what's happening?


No cell phone use in the hospital, please.


Shhh!


The doctor told us she's not ready to deliver yet


but that she is in labour and it could happen at any time.


How far apart are the contractions?


How far apart are the contractions?


Ew! I don't know. Gross.


MOMThey're about ½ minutes apart.


And, Nikki, I can hear you. Sorry.


Did you get that? JENYes.


So jump in a taxi and get down here.


Oh, and Jonesy and Jude have --


Rude!


Jonesy and Jude have what?


Caitlin?


Hi, we don't know each other and I don't want to freak you out,


but I really have to tell you something.


Okay!


Your shoes are untied, and I think you're about to get stuck.


Huh?


Oh no!


[ GRUNTS WITH EFFORT ]


I'm trapped! Stop the escalator!


Stop it!


Go get help. Please hurry!


Come! On!


Let! Me! Go!


Sweet, sweet, caffeine machine.


I stand corrected. This is awful.


[ SOMEONE HOWLS WITH GLEE ]


Great. Juuuust great.


[ PATIENTS CHEERING ]


Dude! Yikes!


Gosh, it sounds like someone is having fun out there.


Isn't that against the rules?


Yes. I'll look...


look into it.


Hello? Attractive guy?


You there?


You called? Darth!


I guess you'll do.


Can you help me, I'm stuck.


Are you sure I'm attractive enough to help you?


Uh... yes?


Yes, you're attractive, okay?


Into my recordo-pen, please.


Fine. Darth is attractive.


Now can you help me?


JEN'S VOICEDarth is attractive.


Just cut me loose.


JEN'S VOICEDarth is attractive.



Darth!


Before knives and other such tools,


man relied on the cutting device available to him.


His teeth.


You are so weirrrrd.


Just hurry, okay?


You can do it!


Get it! Grrrr.


Get it!


Good work, Darth! Good boy!


Oh, hey!


I wasn't sure you were coming back.


This must look weird.


You did it. Thank you!


Have you ever considered some sort of odor-eating insole?


These are my work shoes...


and I'm under a lot of stress and, um,


I don't like him.


JEN'S VOICEDarth is attractive.


Heh. Heh. That was, uh --


Me in the delivery room? Oh no, no, no.


Her daughter, Jen, is her breathing coach.


I'm just a friend. Jen's on her way.


MOMDon't worry, Jen will get here.


[ SNIFFING ]


[ ♪♪ ANGELIC MUSIC ]


What have we here?


Oh ya, I'm sure Jen is on her way.


I'll call and see where she is.


You can't use your cell here,


but there are pay phones down the hall.


Pay phones? Eww!


What are we, cavemen?


Um, cavemen didn't use pay phones.


See? Even cavemen didn't use pay phones!


Doesn't smell like the coffee from the machine.


I was texting! Not calling!


What is with these people?


Look, Doctor, uh, Dusty,


even if JEN doesn't show up


I can NOT go into the delivery room.


Between you and me, babies kinda creep me out.


Nikki. [ JEN'S MOM GASPS ]


Not your baby, of course!


I'm sure your baby won't be gross at all.


MOMThank you, Nikki.


Ya, just babies in general,


kinda grodie, sorry.


Where is Jonesy,


these two brats are making me crazy!


Great!


Doctor Dusty, this is her daughter...


Oh good, you're the breathing coach?


[ CHUCKLES ]


No, I'm the pretty one.


And you must be the doctor so, hello, I'm Courtney.


MOMHi Courtney.


[EXASPERATED SIGH] Ya, hi Courtney, so glad you're here to "help".


Cafeteria, you can get one in the cafeteria.


Everyone, welcome to wheelchair club.


There are only rules at wheelchair club.


Rule Don't talk about wheelchair club.


Rule ... Um, Jude, can we move this along?


Ahem.


Time for race number .


Conway is a -year-old,


and suffers from...


Irritable Bowel Syndrome!


[ FARTS ]


Ooo-kay grandpa...


try to leave a little gas in the t*nk.


He is racing Vlad, a -year-old with...


mo-no-nu-cle-osis...


Alrighty then.


JONESYRace fans, time to place your bets!


on Vlad, you got it. on Conway, yes Ma'am!


for Vlad. Check!


Genius.


Has no one ever told you NOT to run with scissors in your hand?


Come to think of it, yeah.


So why are you under a lot of stress?


My mom is at the hospital about to have a baby,


and I'm her breathing coach so I have to -- ahhh!


WET FLOOR! [ CRASH! ]


Ohhhh...


[ ♪ ]


I was kinda thinking about going to med school.


Do I need to take science courses to get in?


Oh, this is perrrfect.


Should we stop them?


I say we let nature take its course.


Where is Jonesy?


He's supposed to be looking after those two.


My main concern right now is that Jen shows up


so I don't get dragged into the delivery room.


Barf! MOMI can still hear you, Nikki.


Oh, sooorry.


I have got to stop doing that.


Ya. You really should.


JEN'S MOMDon't be afraid, girls,



giving birth is a beauTIFUL MIRACLE OF ARRRRRrrr!


[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]


Please let it be Jen, please let it be Jen, please let it be Jen.


Oh come on, really?


This is someone calling me!


Surely that changes things.


Fine! I get it, okay!


I get it!


Wow. Who's going to blow first?


Argh!!


You're so bad.


Um... okay...


Is there a doctor in the house?


MOMIs everything okay out there?


Oh, yaaah.


Destruction of mall property


and a flagrant disregard for mannequin life.


Ron, please, I'm not lying to you.


My mom IS having a baby, and I'm her breathing coach.


Give me one iota of proof, missy!


Just call St. Michael's Hospital


and ask for Emma Masterson-Garcia.


[ ALARM GOES OFF ]


There's a - in progress.


Kids shaking a gum-ball machine!


I'll deal with YOU, later.


Wait, you have to let me out!


Argh!


"Contractions getting closer.


"Where are you?" Send.


C'mon... c'mon...


In jail?!


Oh hi.


I was just, you know...


Hey you can't do... that.


Jail?


Finally. Come to papa!


Heh. Heh. Where do you keep your napkins?


I'm sorry, I've been trying to find a decent cup of coffee all day.


THIS is horrible. Did you make it?


Well have you tried it?


I don't drink coffee.


What?


How can you make good coffee if you don't even drink it?


How?


Can you show me how to do it right?


Uhhh...


C'mon, Caitlin, you've got to find out what is going on.


You can do this; you can be common.


Oh for Pete's sake. Coins?!


Ew.


Is that... [SNIFFS]


bad breath?!? EWWW!


I can't do it, don't make me!


Okay, the water to grounds ratio should be no more than to .


So you take the scoop and --


Show me how...


guide me... be my hands and eyes.


Uhhh... okay... I guess...


Well, the grounds go into the designated filter drawer like this.


So gentle... Ya. Anyway...


you can mix a dark roast with a medium ...


Or not! No mixing.


None.


We just close the drawer and turn it on.


Oh ya baby, turn it on! Grrrrmlph!


BOSSMeesha, for the last time,


no customers behind the counter!


I have got to get my phone back.


Stop following me!


JONESYCaitlin, look out!


Ahhhhh!


Please apply your brakes in an orderly... fashion.


Ow. Ouch.


We're busted. Hospital Rent a Cop?


Are you two okay?


Please tell me you're not hurt.


We're okay. Are you... okay?


Oh, thanks for asking. So nice.


You two crazy hijinx pranksters better come with me.


My noggin hurts.


Owwww.


[ ♪ ]


I feel so bad.


You two were having fun and making money.


You're not bad kids, you're entrepreneurs!


And you're my new best friends!


Ahhh... Okay. Okay.


That's why this is all so unfair.


According to the rules I have to remove you from hospi--


the hospital... [ SOBS ]


but you're such good friends,


I just wish there was some loophole.


Stupid RULES!!


This dude is creepy nice.


Jude, we can not get kicked out of here.


When I distract him, you bolt left, I'll go right.


What a cute puppy!


Oh, WHERE?


I love pup -- HEY!



You were supposed to go left!


I totally left, dude.


That's how come I'm here with you right now.


Just keep running.


JEN'S MOMSo Nikki, have we heard from Jen?


No but you're fine, right?


Lots of time before the baby comes?


Jen will be here any second,


and then I won't have to go into the delivery room with you.


Great, right?


I mean, am I right or am I right?


JEN'S MOMWhere did Courtney go?


I believe she is having lunch with your doctor.


MOMWhat about Robbie and Diego??


Uhh... I'm sure they're fine.


Jail? Wheelchair races?


Cell phone theft?


Things are out of control!


[ ♪♪ TRIUMPHANT FANFARE PLAYS ]


[ CELL PHONE RINGS ]


Hello?


Jen! Caitlin! What's happening!


Courtney is hitting on the doctor;


Jonesy is running wheelchair races;


your mom is going to pop any minute;


and Nikki's freaked


'cause the Doc wants her in the delivery room.


Caitlin, listen to me -- Wait, you haven't heard the worst part...


I'm on a PAY PHONE!


Listen!


Tell Jonesy to take control and stop clowning around!


And tell my mom and Nikki that I will figure this out


and get there in time, I promise!


Okay.


I have to hang up now


because a piece of gum is touching my ear.


What? EWWWWWWW!


AHHHHHHH! Caitlin?


Hello...


You!


Glad to see me?


No.


Every time you show up something goes wrong.


I get stuck on an escalator; I wipe out mannequins;


I get locked in jail!


For someone so good looking you sure are bad luck.


You think I'm bad luck?


Yes... but I also said you were good looking.


Ya, but you think the weird guy


who chewed your shoes off is good looking, so...


That's not -- what are you doing here?


Your mom is having a baby right?


We've gotta get you out of here!


You're busting me out?


I'm going to go with keys over dynamite.


Is that okay with you?


[ SHE CLAPS SOFTLY ]


Where were you?


A piece of pre-chewed gum was touching -- I don't care!


Just never leave again!


I canNOT be here alone with her!


She's full of baby!


MOMAny sign of Jen oWWWWWT THERRRRRRRRRe?!


Those moans are getting closer together!


Jonesy and Jude are running wheelchair races,


and Jen is not on her way, she's in jail! Jail?


Jail?!


Ahh!


Jen is in jail??


Would you like me to do your makeup?


I mean, do you really want the baby to see you looking like that?


First impressions are so important. Argh!


I got the present!


Great, finally someone is doing something useful.


What is it?


A coffee maker.


THAT is what you got for Jen's mom and the baby?


A coffee maker?


Care for a cup of coffee, Mrs. Masterson?


No thank you, WYYYYYAATTTTTTTTT!!!!!


Well... someone should make sure it works.


Make me one too.


Does it do lattes?


Caitlin? Answer!


Darn reception.


Thanks for helping me out.


I must seem crazy to you, but I'm not usually insane.


Ha ha. I'm usually very nice.


I'm really very nice.


Nathan.


Jen.


[ ELEVATOR SCREECHES THEN STOPS ]


What did you do?!


We're stuck??


Noooooooooooooo!