04x82 - Labour Day Part B

[bunniefuu]

JONESYLast time on Teen...


Jen's pregnant mom went into labour.


Mom's having the baby. Whaat?!?


But she's not due for weeks!


JONESYBut while most of us hit the hospital,


Jen got stuck at the mall... literally!


Just hurry, okay? You can do it!!


JONESYOver at St. Mike's, Caitlin got heat from the cell phone police,index ,…}


Wyatt got mauled in his quest for a decent cuppa joe,


and Nikki kept Jen's mom nice and relaxed.


Those moans are getting closer together!


JONESYPlus, Jude and I spread some joy,


and made some coin.


And Jen's luck went from bad to... [RASPBERRY]


JENNooooooooooo!


[ WYATT HUMMING A TUNE ]


NIKKII can't believe you used our money to buy a coffee maker.


I mean, what kind of gift is that for a baby?


Parents with new babies get no sleep.


Coffee keeps you awake.


It's perfect.


[ JEN'S MOM SCREAMS IN PAIN ]


Only ½ minutes between contractions now.


So where'd ya find the guitar?


There's an entertainment room.


I thought it might be nice to write Jen's mom a song.


Oh, that's a great idea.


She'll love it.


Okay. So what rhymes with crowning?


Then again... maybe she won't.


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB, GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ I'M TEEN... ♪ TEEN


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Oh...COME ON!


Signal. I need a signal!


Argh!


Well, the emergency phone doesn't work,


and neither does the alarm.


WHAT?!


Please don't hurt me again!


She's getting fairly close,


so if Jen still isn't here, you guys need to decide


who'll go into the delivery room with her.


No way. Why me?


JENN'S MOMNikki, it will be fine.


Jen will BEEEE HERRRRREEEE [SCREAM]!


I know you're nervous -- we're ALL nervous.


Heck, this is going to be my first delivery.


WHAT? WHAT?! WHAT!


Don't get me wrong.


I have a pretty good idea what I'm doing.


I've done a lot of reading and saw most of a video.


Most of a video?


You are so not helping.


Anyhoo, time's running out, so you need to decide


who's going to be in the delivery room assisting me.


Assisting you?!


Well, it can't be me.


I mean... it just can't!


The way that babies come out of women is --


Stop! Stop talking!


Okay Fine. Agreed.


Wyatt is out.


It's between you and me, Caitlin.


Hang on, I touched a PAY phone today.


I think I've done enough!


Fine, if Jen is not here on time, I will do it.


Now I'm frightened so I need to pee.


I'll be right back.


JEN'S MOMWhere are you, Jen?


[ ♪ ]


Security dude still back there?


Ya, dude.


He's unstoppable!


Slow down, guys!


We gotta split up. Good plan.


Later, bro.


Send ME into the delivery room?


No thank you, friends!


Friends? HA!


More like shirkers.


I blame all of you for this,


you strange-looking creatures.


Actually you're all right.



Just you though.


The rest of you... hmph!


Well, some cute dimples on that one.


He's okay, I guess.


You with the hair sticking up, not bad.


Chubby face, kinda cute.


[GASP] Red Head... oh wow!


You're beautiful.


Aw, look... hi!


Hi, yeah, I'm Auntie Nikki.


What the --


Did I just get caught looking at babies?


Yes, I did. oh my...


Do I... like babies?!


Where have you been?


There was nothing to do here


so I went downtown and got a manicure. Niiiice.


So Robbie and Diego were with you?


Oh, I knew I forgot something.


JEN'S MOMOh, okay, d-does anyone know where they are?!


Oooh. Oh.


['BALLOON' BURSTS] Ahhhhh!


JEN'S MOMSomeone please go and FINNNNND THEMMMM!


[ SHE SCREECHES IN PAIN ]


Wyatt, she's talking to you.


[ SIGH ]


Where'd the coffee maker come from?


I bought it as a gift for the baby.


Wow. Dumb.


Christopher McGrath?


Yes?


I should fire you for being late on your first day of work.


You wouldn't be the first.


Heh. Heh. What was that about...


Hurry up and get into costume.


I'll give you the $ after you finish the show for the kids.


bucks you say?!


Well, then, it's time for the Christopher McGreen show!


McGreen?


McGrath, I meant McGrath.


Oh, sorry, dude.


Didn't see you lying there.


[ HE CATCHES HIS BREATH ]


Whoo.


I don't know about you,


but I am not having a frosty day.


So what are you in for?


Don't wanna talk about it, huh?


That's cool by me.


I'm just gonna hang here for a sec and chill.


Whoooo.


Yeah, definitely in need of a breather.


So...


Uhh, okay, let's see here.


All right!


Who wants a balloon animal?


Yayyy! I do!


Coming right up!


[ JEN'S MOM SCREAMING IN PAIN ]


Time since her last contraction?


Just under three minutes.


Wow. Is that bad?


I have no idea.


I like the nursery. It's that baby smell.


I just love it.


That baby smell?


Help!


People are trapped in here!


After all those Lamaze classes,


I'm going to miss the whole birth.


Well, I think it's pretty cool


that you're your mom's breathing coach.


And I promise you'll make it.


We're in this together, a team.


A team. Deal.


RONIs anyone in there?


Yes! Me! Me! Me!


I'm in here!


Have you seen two little boys?


Dark hair? Doing something bad?


I think I found them.


Thanks for your time.


Get back here!


[ GASPS FOR BREATH ]


Okay... whooo... head rush.


Now you all have snakes.


Cool, huh?


But I don't like snakes.


Well, who cares what you -- uhhhh...


Fine! Name an animal!


I want a donkey!


Donkey it is.


Ahh!


[ KIDS GIGGLE ]


[SARCASTICALLY] I want a donkey.


Ow!


[ KIDS GIGGLE ]


[ GROANS ANGRILY ]


[ KIDS CONTINUE LAUGHING ]


This one'll work!



That's it, gimmie yours!


Oh, come on!


[ KIDS KEEP GIGGLING ]


[LAUGHING] And the old guy kept farting


through the whole race!


It was like turbo boost, dude.


You shoulda seen it...


Steve.


Like, the other guy had to stay in the lead


just to avoid the bum stink.


Ohhh, Steve-o...


Good times, bro, good times.


I didn't catch that last part.


What did you say?


I said, get us out of here quick,


the baby could be born any minute!


Oh my, a pregnant woman trapped in the elevator.


I'll call .


Um... don't push!


Okay!


Don't push what? I dunno.


[SNIFFS] He does smell good!


[SNIFFS] She smells good too!


Ohhh.


♪ Look who's holding a baby ♪


[ BABY CRIES ]


Whatsa madder, Dimples?


Do you want some attention too?


Hey! Look who made a baby stop crying.


Me. I did.


Oh, who's a good mommy, huh?


Is it me?


Oh, okay, kids, back in your cells.


Redhead goes in here,


and Dimples goes in here.


On no! Wrong baby, wrong crib!


Guess whose mommy and daddy are here to take them home?


Oh no, please no, please no, please no.


Time to go home with your parents.


Well, maybe not YOUR parents,


but parents...


[ ♪ ]


You're right, dude,


I should be rockin' school.


I'm only letting myself down!


You are such a good motivator, bro.


Is this what you do for a living?


But of course you want to date me,


I'm King Jonesy and you're a pig.


Then why is it that you're the only one


who smells like a pig?


Well, Pig Nikki, I'd rather smell like a pig


than look like one!


[ LAUGHING ]


If I look like a pig,


why is it that you want to date me?


Because I'm not really that picky.


Wow! Now I'm flattered.


Wait!


Okay, I admit it, I like you.


You're a pig, but I like you.


Well, you're a goof,


but you're King of the goofs,


so I like you too.


[ SMOOCH ]


KIDSAw, gross!


The end.


[ GIGGLES AND APPLAUSE ]


[SOBBING] That was so beautiful.


I almost cried there.


Thank you, sir.


This was the best job I never had.


You may as well fire me now.


You're fired?


Pleasure doin' business with ya!


JONESYNikki!


I just made $ as a clown.


I was a king and you were a pig --


I switched two babies in the nursery,


and one is on his way home with the wrong parents!


I was a pig?


Not important!


I was holding Dimples and Redhead at the same time


and loving it and then -- and then the nurse came back,


and I put them in the wrong cribs and the nurse took Dimples


and is giving him to the parents instead of Redhead.


What do I do??


You like babies now?


Okay, can you tease me about this later?


A baby is about to leave the hospital with the wrong parents!


Technically it's the parents leaving the hospital with the wrong --


Jonesy! Okay, okay.


Buy a doll at the gift shop,


swap it out for Redhead in the nursery,


find the parents and swap Redhead for Dimples,


and get Dimples back in the crib before anyone notices the doll.


This is the one and only time I will ever say this...


I love you and your big dumb brain!


Hey!


Did she just say she loved me?



Guess it's true what they say about a man in uniform.


Oh ya...


[ ♪♪ DISCO/ CLOWN SHOES SQUEAKING ]


So the ship is sinking, right,


and the piece of wood can't support them both,


so he kisses her and sinks into the dark water.


[ INDISTINCT VOICE ON WALKIE TALKIE ]


A young woman stuck in an elevator is having a baby!


This is what I do.


Later, Shelley!


Hi, did two little dark haired --


Excuse me.


Ah... Fourth floor!


Code Orange!


Code Yellow?


Code... blue!


All right, here goes nothing!


GAH! Why oh why do I have to like babies?


[ JEN'S MOM SCREECHING IN PAIN ]


Those 'contrition' thingies


are getting really close together.


[ JEN'S MOM SCREAMS ] Is Jen here yet?


Not yet.


You hang in there, mom.


JEN'S MOMNikki? Is Nikki there?


No...


JEN'S MOMCaitlin! Go find her!


Please!


YES!


No, wait, I'll go.


JEN'S MOMCourtney! You stay!


Caitlin, GO!


[ JEN'S MOM SCREAMS IN PAIN ]


Hurry.


Nikki?


NIKKI?!


Caitlin! Caitlin, Where's Jen?


Nikki loves me.


Did Jen's mom have the baby?


Where have YOU been?


I was in -- No one cares!


Last time I talked with Jen


she said that you'd better stop clowning around,


which is pretty uncanny.


Why are you wearing that?


I was downstairs doing a -- No ones cares!


You keep asking questions and --


Your step-mom is here having a baby,


and I know being responsible isn't your thing,


but until Jen gets here, it IS your thing.


What's the big -- Jen's not here;


Wyatt is trying to find your brothers;


I touched a PAY phone; Nikki's disappeared;


and Courtney refuses to go into the delivery room,


so if you can't convince her to and Jen doesn't get here...


YOU'RE going in!


Okay. All right.


I'm in control of this!


[ CLOWN SHOES SQUEAKING ]


[GASP!] How dare they!


You already confiscated my phone;


isn't that enough?


I do look pretty good though.


Eeeee!


My first real modeling gig.


I miss Star.


We use to be like two peas in a pod,


but now I'm like a pea, and she's like...


a duck,


or something even less pea-like...


Are you a family member?


Nah, we're just buds.


Well, you really shouldn't be down here.


Take a moment to say your good-byes,


then you have to go.


Okay.


It's been great, Dude.


Lotsa laughs,


some good heart to hearts,


and you really taught me a ton about, like,


life itself.


Until we meet again, you take care, bro.


That was beautiful.


Oooo-kaaay.


Oh and Dude, if you're ever at the mall,


swing on by the ice rink and say hey.


[ HE YELLS WITH EFFORT ]


You!


Please don't throw me back in jail!


Pleeeasse!


I did some re-con and called the hospital.


Your mom really is in labour.


A teen who tells the truth,


never thought I'd see the day.


Has she -- Not yet, but soon.


So try and look pregnant.


Get this woman to the hospital!


Oh!


I mean... ohhh!


Take it easy lady, I got ya.



Thanks Ron!


Bye, Nathan!


OH! WHOO!


Excuse me! Baby people!


Wait.


Hi, I'm a real nurse.


Well, of course I'm a real nurse heheh,


But, um, we forgot to... um, to... um...


to measure the baby's...


face, so...


We keep the face-measuring machine in the baby carriage here.


Wow, perfect face size.


You got yourself a good one there.


[ SIGH ]


[ BABY FUSSING ]


Whew!


Now to get you back to the nursery.


Have you seen a nervous looking girl?


Pierced nose, big pants?


Where is Mrs. Masterson-Garcia?


I'm her daughter.


Jen! Caitlin!


Has she? No!


Not cool! Your mom was so worried!


Wyatt!


Hey, you're not pregnant! Pregnant?


Look, I'm a model!


Why aren't you wearing any shoes?


Darth chewed them off.


Long story.


Your mother is on her way to the delivery room.


This way!


So he sinks in the dark water, and then WHAM!


She's an old lady holding a necklace.


You can't write that stuff.


... and Jen's not here,


so we've got to try to be as mature as Jen,


which neither of us can do on our own,


but maybe together we can get close!


You are going into that delivery room


to help keep your mom calm.


I'd do it but that would only cause irreversible damage


that would require years of therapy!


Nikki loves me.


I'll stay here in case Robbie and Diego turn up.


But I'm the pretty one...


Not today, Courtney. Today you're Jen!


Today we are both Jen.


Reliable, Responsible, Boring Jen.


Now get in there.


Okay. I can do this!


I'm here!


She's here! She's here!


Go! Go!


[ JONESY'S CLOWN BUM BEEPS ] [ SIGHS ]


[ SIGH ]


We totally had that covered.


Ya, I think we actually did.


Courtney, you should come in too.


But I don't --


I'll do all the work.


I just think mom would like it if we were both in the room with her.


Really? Thanks, Jen.


Where's Nikki?


Switching babies. She loves me.


Ah, okay. This looks bad.


But it was an accident.


See, I was sniffing the babies


because you said they smelled good,


and I had two in my arms and you were coming back.


Panic! Panic!


So I put them in the wrong cribs


so you gave Dimples to the wrong parents


so I had to stop them and switch the babies back


or he would've gone home with the wrong family!


[ DEEP EXHALE ]


Is that all?


What?


We mix up babies in here all the time.


They all look the same, it's hard not to!


Ya... I guess I can see that.


Oh, your friend's mother is in the delivery room.


You should join your party in the waiting room.


You always send the babies home


with the right parents in the end, though, right?


Hmm...


Good luck, guys.


Not a toy! NOT!


So, what have you been doing all day?


Nothing much.


JENEeeee! The baby's here!


Come and see her!


Why's everybody moving so slow?!


C'mon, there's a baby waiting!


[ ♪ ]


Mom, she's really beautiful.


She really is...


And it's so cute that Jonesy's dad


wanted her named after you!


You named the baby 'Mrs. Masterson'?



No, Jude. Emma.


The baby's name is Emma. Whew!


[ SNIFF ]


Hey, I heard some of what you said to Courtney.


Thanks for taking charge while I wasn't here.


No problem, Jen.


Anything for my nd favorite sister.


Can I hold her now?


[ THEY ALL AWWWW ]


What's that for?


Oh, nothing.


Just... don't take it off until you get her home.


Jude...


What?


Oooh... riiight.


Say my name!


Jude!


Good one.