04x86 - Kylie Smylie

[bunniefuu]

[ CAITLIN SINGS ALONG WITH THE RADIO... ]


♪ Play me for a fool and just you wait... ♪


♪ I said play me for a fool ♪


♪ And you'll be Mr. Yesterday! ♪


Woo woo woo!


♪ Play me for a fool


♪ Oh, oh, oh walk away ♪


♪ Walk away, yeah


EEEEEE!


That has to be the best Kylie Smylie song EVER!


I can't believe she's actually coming to the mall tomorrow


for a record signing AND a concert!


Do you think one of us will win the Spend The Day With Kylie Contest?


Well, the essay I sent in to her website


was pretty much the best essay I've ever written.


Mine was words long!


What?! Mine was only words!


I'm sure word-count has nothing to do with proving you're fans.


We're not 'fans', we're Smylies!


"Smylies"?


Don't you mean "Stalkies"?


It's o'clock!


She should be sending out the winning phone message any second now!


Please pick me. Please pick me.


EEE!


Hey, it's Kylie! Sorry, you lose.


But like my song says,


"Just 'Cause You Lost Don't Make You a Loser."


But my essay was so GOOD!


On the upside,


not winning means you're still semi-cool.


"Hey, it's Kylie. Sorry, you lose..."


AAH! Get out of my phone!


You entered the contest?!


As if I would voluntarily taint my phone with that!


Must be a prank.


Hey, it's Kylie!


Thanks for entering the contest, Caitlin!


I can't wait to spend the day with you tomorrow


because YOU WON!


EEE! I WON! EEE!!


No fair!


Two word essays for nothing! TWO?


You entered me in the contest!


What? I would have taken your spot!


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER ♪


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB


♪ GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ I'M TEEN... ♪ TEEN


[ ♪ ]


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


How's my hair? Is my outfit okay?


Anything in my teeth?!


You look perfect!


I'm so happy for you I could throttle something.


Not that I'm jealous!


It's okay, be jealous!


I'm about to go with Kylie to a record signing and a photo op


AND watch her concert from the front row!


The name's Garcia, Jonesy Garcia.


I'm part of Kylie's security detail.


WHAT? How did YOU qualify for the job?


I'm not at liberty to say.


Oh, Estelle, you're so graceful


It's like dancing with an angel...


[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]


I know what you're thinking...


"What's it gonna take to keep this quiet?"


Anyhoo... Kylie's in safe hands now.


If anyone can spot a creep, it's me.


Takes one to know one.


I can tell you're feeling insecure about this, babe,


and rightly so.


I'm SECURE you'll be fired by lunch.


The bodyguard/superstar relationship can get intimate.


So if Kylie flirts with me, and she will,


obviously I'll have to flirt back,


but it won't mean anything, I swear.


Don't even think about it!


Kylie's not allowed to date 'til she's ,


and her dadiger will hurt any guy who even winks at her!


Dadiger?


Dad/manager.


He used to be some pro wrestler, Sergeant...



BEEF?! BEEF?!


Her dad is Sergeant Beef, the Alberta Hurta?


He was a total beast!


Yeah, and he had a smokin' finishing move too...


the Cow Pie!


Special Security Detail Jonesy Garcia reporting for duty, Sarge.


Pleasure's all mine.


GRRRR! Okay! No pleasure, just business!


EEEEE! You must be Caitlin!


I'm Kylie. I love your outfit!


EE! Thanks!


Oooh, I love your everything.


These are my friends, Nikki...


Hey.


Jen...


[GIBBERISH]


And Jude.


You are cah-razy hhhhot!


You lookin' for a Cow Pie?


N-no thanks, b-bro.


P-peace out!


Is it okay if Jen gets a photo with Kylie?


[GIBBERISH] Ugh!


Never gonna happen. Let's roll!


Sorry, Jen.


I'll just try -- nope.


Okaaay, lemme just squeeze -- WHOA!


Oh sure, I'll just run along side.


All day. No prob.


CaitlinEEE! BYE!


Gaga ba ba!


I'm King of the Dudes!


Release the gitch, bras!


What did you say?


I said, um, could you maybe loosen the grip and lemme ride?


No, I think you said you want a new hat.


WHOAAA!


Blind man rolling!


I've never been so humiliated.


I had my chance and blew it.


Well, there's always the record signing. You're right!


I'll bring all my Kylie collectibles and prove I'm not a total loser!


Yeah, just a partial loser. Baby steps.


Hoo! Shoulda had... a bigger breakfast


Knees up, eyes and ears open, Agent Maggot!


NO ONE gets near Smylie!


Take 'er to warp speed, we're overrun!


Legs... on fire...


everything... so sparkly....


What a life. It's so exciting!


D'you bring your friends on the road?


I don't really have friends.


No time.


Real friends come before everything --


except maybe for seriously hot guys.


Totally!


If only Daddy would let me meet a hot guy.


[ HER STOMACH GROWLS ]


Know where we can get some grub?


I know the perfect place!


Burger McFlipsters, please, driver!


The coast is clear...


the dude will stunt!


WOOO!


[GROAN] No fair, dudettes.


Neutral territory!


And before you ask,


no, I do not want a new hat.


How about a new outfit?


Nooot coooooool!


Okay, I've got all her DVDs, every Kylie b*at magazine,


plus all her CDs, pins, socks, and press-on nails.


Wasn't the goal to look less creepy?


Hey!


Jude? More like Judith.


What happened?


Escalator girls have a hate on for the Judester.


What did the Judester do to them?


Begged for mercy.


Jude, you can't let 'em see you're scared.


They feed on fear!


It's your mall as much as theirs.


Next time, read 'em the riot act!


Yer right. I'll DO it!


Don't suppose you've got a copy of that 'riot act' on ya?


♪ If your burger tastes like rib-eye ♪


♪ We've done our job for you ♪


♪ If your burger tastes like donut ♪


♪ Then something wrong got through... ♪


Kylie, this is my friend Wyatt.


Wyatt, this is Kylie!


Any friend of Caitlin's is a friend of mine.


Holy pop tarts.


I gotta say, you have an amazing singing voice.


Thanks.


So does Kylie!


You know that song "Awesome, Awesome, Awesome?"


Sorry, never heard of it.


"Rad Tights?" "Hot Trot?"


"Spankin' Good?"



Come on! Even I know "Mr. Yesterday"!


Oh, that song?


Man, that's the worst song I've ever heard.


WYATT!


That's you?!


Oh, man... I didn't mean --


pop music isn't my bag.


But you have a really beautiful face -- er, voice!


Oh, um, thank you!


Here, lemme make it up to you with a Wyatt Special,


on the house.


MMM!


This is the best burger I've ever had!


That's why we're here!


Your Dad scared me --


er, sent me to tell you we have to be at Spin This


for the record signing in two.


'Kay.


Thanks for the burger, Wyatt.


Maybe I'll see you at the signing?


He'll be there!


What Kylie wants Kylie gets!


EEE!


She wants YOU? How did you do it, man?!


I have no idea.


Wow! This line is full of winners.


I'm so excited,


your sarcasm has no effect on me!


Really? Then why am I even here?


Security escorts, adoring fans,


and endless bowls of designer truffles?


Being a popstar is THE BEST!


Ya, it's okay.


But between us, y'know what I'd rather be doing right now?


SHOPPING? SHOPPING!


Pop quizaccessories or shoes?


BOTH! BOTH!


Hi, Kylie! Thanks again for doing this signing.


Cappuccino?


Thanks!


And this one's for my best friend Caitlin.


That's me! EEE!


[WHISTLE] You, anyone with more than items is a thr*at,


so weed 'em out, starting with The Babbler.


Ya, this isn't going to be awkward.


Wyatt! You came!


Wouldn't miss it for the world.


All clear for take off!


WOO!


WHOOA! OOF!


Okay, bras, can't we all just chill?


Well, according to Beef,


you have a "threatening" number of items.


So ya gotta lose all but five, pronto.


But how can I not show her my Kylie cape?


Or the grilled cheese she took a bite of


that I bought online?!


Okay, cuckoo bird,


let's smooth out the feathers and pick a fave five.


Make an exception! We're family!


KYLIE! HEY! OVER HERE!


REMEMBER MY ESSAYS? SIGN MY SANDWICH!


CAITLIN! TELL HER I'M AWESOME!!


GAH! NO! I'M SANE I TELL YOU!


SANE!


[UNCOMFORTABLE GIGGLE]


So I took yer advice....


Enough is enough!


I'm gonna go set those Escalator Gorillas straight!


Could ya set me straight first, bra?


Wyatt, have you been working out?


Not unless flipping burgers counts.


Oh, you.


So... Chad and I broke up.


Yeah?


But you'll get back together again eventually, right?


Not this time.


He'll never be the man you are.


I shouldn't have let you go.


Really?! Wow.


Thanks for introducing me to Wyatt.


He seems really sweet!


He's an amazing songwriter too!


Perfect boyfriend material!


Wyatt?


But your dad won't let you date 'til you're !


So you can help me!


What Daddy doesn't know won't hurt him.


But what Wyatt doesn't know might!


Wyatt's so great.


You have to help me ask him out while Daddy's busy!


Ya, Wyatt's great,


but he kinda needs all of his fingers to play guitar,


and if your Daddy finds out --


Oh, thank goodne -- I mean...


darn it, looks like Wyatt's getting back together with his ex.


Sorry, Kylie.


Be careful, bra.


It's like they all share the same evil brain.


Yeah, hey, escalator trolls.



News flashyou don't own the mall.


Aw, wussie brought a body girl.


You three need to get a life.


And some mouthwash, by the reek of it.


Easy, Nikki.


You guys think you're soooo tough --


Nikki...


Well, you're about as tough as a --


Hey! HEY, PUT ME DOWN!


OW! OOF!


Tried to warn ya, bra.


This...


Means...


w*r!


So will you give me another chance?


I can't believe I'm saying this, but... no.


I'm sorry, Serena.


I never thought I'd get over you, but I guess I have.


Maybe it's time for you to do the same.


Okay, that was intense.


I just told Serena that SHE needs to get over ME!


I'm the MAN!


So, so, you two aren't --


Cool!


This is my private number.


I'd love to see you again.


[SQUEAKY VOICE] Really?!


AHEM. Me too!


Yay! This is sooo great!


What could possibly go wrong?


Go on, be happy, see what I care!


"Oo, she signed my shirt, ooo I'm so awesome..."


Lemme guess you're in a rubber truck on your way to a padded room?


No, I ran away before the truck arrived.


Well, thanks to the Escalator Girls


I now smell like coffee dregs and half-eaten tacos. Gross!


But they will pay. Oh yes they will!


I hope it'll be easier than getting past Beef and Jonesy.


I hate to say it, but for once he's actually good at his job.


I know, it's so unfair!


But Kylie's doing a photo op at Tajmahome Video,


and I have the perfect disguise.


So what are you going to do about the Escalator Girls?


I am going to BREAK THEM!


Special ops task force ready for deployment.


ETA to next drop zone, Tajmahome Video,


T-minus minutes.


Jonesy, Kylie's into Wyatt!


Our Wyatt?


Dreads, low self-esteem Wyatt?


Yes!


And he's totally clueless about Kylie's dad


and his no-dating rule!


That could be fatal!


C'mon, BFF!


EEE! Coming!


You have to warn Wyatt about Sergeant Beef before it's too late!


I'm on it!


"Kylie's hot but Beef is dangerous... stay away?"


Still making jokes about me working at a burger joint?


Weak.


Mission accomplished. Thanks!


Welcome, Kylie!


Please, stand here amongst our beautiful dancers.


Sure thing. Hi, everyone!


Security breach!


LOCK IT DOWN!


Lock it down!


JEN?!


I swear I'm not a stalker!


Stalkers don't have boyfriends but I DO!


Long distance, but still!


JUST SIGN MY SANDWICH AND LET ME SMELL YOUR HAIR!


AAAH! I DON'T KNOW WHY I SAID THAT!


I NEED A PHOTO WITH YOU!


I'm so sorry. She's very goal oriented!


But harmless, I swear!


Hey, I owe her one for causing the distraction.


Wish me luck with Wyatt!


Huh?


I stood beside her!


Kylie. Kylie...


Hey! Where IS Kylie?!


Show starts in .


Any idea where she went?


AHEM!


Hi! Whoa. Hi!


Anywhere we can be alone for a bit?


Really?


Uh... ya, I know just the place!


Kylie!


Kylie!?


Kylie, everyone's looking for you


and whoever else you might be with!


Is she with a BOY?!


You shouldn't get so mad,


it makes your veins all bulgy and gross.


♪ When I was alone


♪ You brought me the dawn ♪


♪ I wish I was home ♪



♪ Why have you gone?


♪ Oh, why have you gone? ♪


Wow!


That sounded so good, my goosebumps have goosebumps!


Caitlin was right, you're a great songwriter.


Oh no!


The concert!


Sorry, Travis.


I tried to get you a picture with Kylie.


Which way to the concert stage?!


Through the food court, turn left.


You're the best! Say Cheese!


KYLIE!?!


Look, Jen found Kylie not Wyatt!


Guess I had you wrong, Babbler.


[ WHEEZING ]


I GOT MY PHOTO!! EEE!!!


I was sulking and she asked me a question and I answered


and she hugged me!


Okay, and we're breathing now...


[ CROWD ERUPTS IN CHEERS ]


EEEEEE!


♪ You might be the one


♪ Yeah you might be the guy ♪


♪ Play your cards right


♪ stick around for a while ♪


♪ But play me for a fool


♪ and you just wait


Oh yeah!


♪ I said play me for a fool ♪


We love you!


♪ And you'll be Mr. Yesterday ♪


♪ Yeah play me for a fool ♪


♪ And oh, oh, oh


♪ Walk away, walk away


Hey guys.


I want a full report after the show!


Thank you!


Now I wanna sing a new song, by a special new friend.


Come on up, Wyatt!


WYATT?!


WYATT??


Wyatt?!


Don't let me down, Wyatt! Come on!


Oh... I guess that makes sense too.


I can totally vouch for Wyatt, Sir!


He's solid gentleman material.


♪ On a cold and rainy day ♪


Never mind.


♪ in a small cafe, yeah


♪ I waited and waited for you... ♪


♪ We had a seaside view ♪


♪ the walls we pushed thru ♪


♪ I waited


♪ and waited


♪ and waited for you... ♪


♪ When I was alone you brought me the dawn ♪


[ CROWD BOOING ]


♪ I wish I was home


♪ Why have you gone?


GRRRRR!


DADDY!


NOOO!


[ CROWD CHEERS AND CHANTS 'COW PIE!']


Something tells me I'm fired.


[ ♪ ]


I think I'm coming down from my celebrity high.


At least you didn't wrestle an angry building!


Serves you right, keeping me away from Kylie all day!


Well, Beef says I can date Kylie...


in five years.


JUDEOh, Escalator Girls!


Come out and play-ee-ay!


He does not want to live, does he?


Check out THIS tasty manoeuvre!


Eat my dust, bras!


Woo hoo!


Three s,


indecent exposure of underthings.


Punishmentimmediate mall expulsion.


NICE! WAY TO GO! YES!


Told you I'd take care of it.


Bra, I will never doubt you --


or cross you -- again.