04x87 - The List

[bunniefuu]

Three hundred and eleven,


three hundred and twelve...


or did I already count that one?


Huh...


Let's go over this one more time.


[ crowd complaining ]


All I have to do is guess exactly how many beans are in the jar


and I win free coffee for a year?


CROWDYes. Yes!


Is this a zit?


Fifteen thousand, eight hundred and thirty-six!


CROWDWow!


Nice one!


I got a lucky zit.


Sweeeet.


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER ♪


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB


♪ GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ I'M TEEN... ♪ TEEN


[ ♪ ]


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


Oh!


Thanks Jude.


Don't thank me, thank him.


Eww, you have a lip thingy on your chin!


Na-ahn.


This is my new lucky zit.


Wanna rub it for luck?


Eww! Gross!


Suit yourselves.


Are you really going to make one of us ask?


I got a job at the new photocopy shop.


It's called Copy Bats.


Shouldn't that be Copy Cats?


That's what I said to the boss.


He said that name was already taken.


I bet five bucks you get fired for photocopying your butt.


Already accomplished.


Still employed.


Decided against a colour copy, huh?


Grey bums are more anonymous.


I autographed it for you.


"This bum just got the perfect job."


Oh that's kinda cute.


Why so low, bro?


My date last night was a bust.


Oh, I'm sure she had a good time.


I was driving her home and she got out of the car


while it was still moving.


The ol' tuck and roll.


She was pretty much the last single girl I know.


Oh Wyatt, things could be worse.


Ya, just look at Jonesy's hat.


Well, I've done all I can.


I'm off to work.


If you're not going to date the car jumper again,


d'ya mind if I give her a call?


I like a girl who knows how to roll.


Heads... yep.


Heads... sweet.


Heads... wick-head!


That's incredible.


I'm telling you, the zit has powers.


Has he been like this all day?


Yeah, it's getting a little depressing.


Dude really needs a girlfriend.


I'm giving up on girls.


I'm going to be old, alone and surrounded by cats


waiting for a chance to eat me.


See... depressing.


Why am I single?


Why?


Why?


Why?


Well this has got to stop.


What's that?


It's... my list.


"The List"?


I've never been so close.


A meticulous record of every girl I've ever encountered.


Notes, phone numbers, assessments, play by plays -


it's all in here.


Uhh -- no hang on a second...


If this can help you get back in the game



and avoid being eaten by cats, I want you to take it.


I can NOT believe thatA) you have a list


and B) you've been carrying it around with you


the whole time we've been dating!


Is that a problem?


Seriously?


How long have we been dating?


For like... a while.


A while??


No no, no, in months, Jonesy,


how many months have we been together?


No helping!


Well, how many months?


Several...


Ooooh.


Give me a number!


Oh Nikki, what's a number anyway?


A mathematical representation of value.


And THAT is why you're single.


You know what?


You should hang onto your list


who knows when you might need it again.


Nikki...


AH! Oh no!


Don't let it -- NO!


Way to go, zit.


No big deal?


But Wyatt needs help and --


You've judged all of these women on superficial criteria:


looks, kissing skills, boob size.


I don't think that's superficial.


That's because you're a pig.


Harsh.


No, reducing women to an itemized list is harsh.


"Carlysweet lipstick, total tease."


"Ellaamazing butt, hates oranges."


Yeah, she did have an amazing...


[ Nikki clears throat ]


...hatred of oranges.


Am I on the List?!


"Nikkino skirts, smells good unless nervous,


with all those piercings, it's like kissing a tackle box!"


The List's out of date,


that's from before we were really a couple.


So what would it say if you wrote it now, huh?


How would you sum me up?


Um, Nikki is... uh... good...?


That's how you feel about me?


I'm "uh... good"?


That's it?!


I -- I... uh... I dunno how I feel.


Talking stops now!


Nikki, wait!


So Jonesy offered you his list?


How do you know about it?


Because like Nostradamus and the kids who escaped Warlock Mountain,


I possess extra sensory powers of perception.


The Clones told the guys at Tajmahome.


Well, it's no big deal.


No big deal??


Are you mad, man?


From what I've heard, this "list" unlocks


the final piece of the puzzle that is woman.


Uh, Wayne --


This list could change the lives of many men, okay --


Hundreds! Maybe thousands!


Meat...


Yes, the meat of these notes arm us with knowledge


and allow us to go after women


completely out of our league.


Approaching hotness without an ace up your sleeve


is like going into battle with no w*apon.


Death!


Burning!


Exactly! A burning, painful death!


[ fire alarm rings ]


Perhaps I'm too excited.


Perhaps.


Kissing a tackle box?


He did write it a long time ago.


'Nikki is "uh... good"'


isn't what I would call a glowing review either.


Well at least your boyfriend is here to fight with.


With Travis out of town, all I do is sit at home watching police shows on TV.


Can we stay on topic here?


I can't keep dating Jonesy if he doesn't know how he feels about me.


What are you going to do?


I'm going to tell him that we're officially on break


until he figures out what I mean to him.


Wow! Good for you, Nikki.


And when I tell him, I want to be looking hotter than any girl he's ever seen.


Eeee! Tomorrow we shop!


Hey, does Lucky look bigger to you?


You know a zit can't be lucky right?


Are you kidding, bro?


This morning I fell down the stairs holding a pair of pants,


and when I got to the bottom, I was wearing them.


Okay, that was a lucky event


but the zit had nothing to do with it.


I know what I know



and what I know is that I know this zit is lucky.


Now can I get an order of fries with extra grease, please?


I'm gonna feed ya'.


Yes I am.


Yes I am.


Yes I am.


Try on the blue skirt, pink top and high heels first.


That blue thing was a skirt?


I thought it was a belt.


It's the ultra-mini, guys love it.


Yeah, no kidding,


it feels like every time I take a step,


people will see my underwear.


Take it for a test drive, walk around a little.


You're right, we can totally see your underwear.


Shut it.


Come to Copy Bats, we're batty about copies.


For the last time, you can't have the List.


Anyone who keeps this kind of treasure to himself is less worthwhile


than a limited edition DVD of Demonic Ghost Monkeys IV that has been bootlegged


without the director's commentary or alternate, better, ending.


This is something I don't just hand out willy-nilly but...


Really? I convinced you?


You deserve to see this.


Thank you Jonesy.


Thank you.


It's a photocopy of my bum.


For the last time, give me that list.


You'll never get your hands on it.


We'll see about that.


You really think this outfit will bring Jonesy to his knees?


Of course it will, you look totally hot!


And I'm going to look way cute in this!


When did you even pick that out?


I know, I'm good.


My credit card is gone!!


Where'd you use it last?


I don't know!


Oh, I'll call and find out.


Hi, this is Caitlin Cooke.


Can you tell me the last place I used my credit card?


Today?


Bargain Fashion Hut?!


But their smallest size is an !


Someone stole my credit card!


[ crying ] WHAAA!


If I only wear this stuff once, can I return it?


How much for the long board?


Not for sale, bro.


But fill out a ballot,


you have a chance to win it.


It's for luck.


Any word on your stolen credit card?


The bargain fashion hut clerk said whoever used it


bought a mens hat.


A guy must have stolen it.


How is that possible?


It just says C. Cooke on the card, not Caitlin.


Guess I should call and cancel it.


I say we let this perp keep using the card,


and give ourselves a chance to bring him to justice.


Where are you getting this from?


All the cop shows you've been watching?


I know I can cr*ck this case.


Do you need this to keep your mind off Travis being away?


Desperately.


Fine.


Let's roll.


It's just a list. No big deal!


But now Nikki wants to know what I think of her.


How much she means to me.


How am I suppose to answer that?


I mean obviously I like her,


I think she might be the One!


Whoa! What did I just say?


You think Nikki might be the --


I know what I said. I just...


wait, what did I say?


Nikki might be the --


Stop saying it!


Whoa, Nikki might really be the One.


But I can't tell her that.


What if she doesn't feel the same way?


Your cooperation in this matter has been noted in my records.


This guy is really racking up the charges.


Are you sure we're going to catch him?


Of course.


I've made some notes on who we're looking for.


He bought pants here at Huntington's,


a shirt at Canadian Appeal


and a hat at the Bargain Fashion Hut.


So we are looking for someone who looks like... this.


If I had coloured pencils it would look way better!


See, I don't really get a lot of zits,


so I thought long and hard about who I could ask for help


and then it hit me... Julie!


So bra, how do I make this sucker bigger?


Trade secret? I can respect that.


She must be the luckiest girl in the whole mall.


Jonesy's List is the cure to loneliness,



a means of eradicating the plague of solitude.


Friends, rejects, lonely men:


It's not what The List can do for us,


it's what WE can do with The List!


One List to rule them all!


Chocolate spread on pizza?


How does that taste?


Not important.


What is important is that Northshore Surf and Skate shop


is raffling off a longboard.


Gotta make sure my zit is set to maximum lucky before the draw.


Something special about this skateboard?


It's a brand new Blacktop Jungle, deck-shaped longboard


AND it's been personally autographed


by Christian Lotenza,


winner of last years Monster Mayhem


in Manitoba skate competition!


So... yes?


Hello?


What?!


Okay.


The thief just used my credit card at the Von Ditch store!


We gotta go boys, just got the on a


and when crime knocks on your door it's time to...


Long distance relationships are hard.


I really miss Travis.


C'mon, let's go!


Careful, that zit gets much bigger,


any little thing could pop it.


Dude, ya think?


I gotta protect the Luckster at all costs.


Hey, I've heard that Wayne's getting an army together


to try and take The List.


Jude, I need you to hide this somewhere.


And for safety's sake, even I can't know where it is.


I'll hide it in the air vents.


Perfect.


Um, now you know where it'll be.


Jude!


No prob, I'll hide it somewhere else.


What the?


[ ♪ ]


Nikki... wha...


Wow.


WOW.


Ahh... hot!


Think so? Good!


Because as of right now, we are officially on br-


WAYNEThere he is!


Gotta go!


Don't hurt my zit!


Arghh, I'm so mad at him right now.


I wish I could just smash that stupid PDA!


Hey, do you know where it is?


Jude said he was going to hide it in the air vents --


Air vents. Got it!


but now he's going to put it somewhere else!


So he was a male?


That's an affirmative.


He used the credit card?


Yes, we know that.


And he signed the slip C. Cooke?


Yes, yes he did.


Okay.


Anything else you can tell us?


Maybe a hypnotist could help you remember some -


He said he was going to get something to eat!


Well then he's probably - Caitlin, wait!


Something to eat.


Something... to... eat.


That could be a clue.


He's probably in the food court!


Easy, sidekick.


Not sure we have enough evidence to place him in the food court just yet.


Were those his exact words?


'Something to eat?'


When I find this PDA, I am going to crush it in my hands!


Is that a mouse trap?


What is that doing up here?


Oh no! Mice!


Ahhh!


OW!


I can totally see your underwear.


That's because my boyfriend is a shallow pig


who will never be capable of respecting women


unless they're dressed like -- like sleezy pop stars


If he can't tell me how he feels about me after all this time,


maybe we should just break up.


So he didn't tell you he thinks you're the One?


No-no-no... wait! He told you that?


Whoa.


The One?


That List could change the lives of thousands of men.


Perhaps... but I've already claimed the mall hottie.


Aren't you dating the Taco girl?


That is to whom I refer.


So you wanna help or what?


Secure his PDA -- my m x reader will extract the List.


It'll be just like in Revenge of Clone Six


when he strips the memories of his maker



and then takes on his own master's life.


Or when a level cleric claims the unguarded wand of Loherangrin


and transmogrifies!


I don't get to say this very often,


but - you've out-geeked me.


There. That should do it.


Rock on, dude.


Not only will this protect my zit,


I think it's given me bionic hearing.


Whoa, I think someone just dropped a quarter.


Perp at o'clock!


C. Cooke.


What does the "C" stand for?


Cameron. Caitlin!


Uh-oh.


Citizen's arrest.


Call mall security, this card belongs to Caitlin Cooke.


There you are!


I was so worried!


If I'd known you were so pretty, I never would have stolen from you.


Thanks!


Are those the new pants you bought?


They look great!


What are you doing?


He's really cute.


Maybe I shouldn't press charges.


This guy is a criminal.


Being good looking is not a crime.


Can I buy you dinner some time?


Oh ya, with whose credit card?!


Caitlin, this guy stole from you.


He went on a shopping spree that should have been yours


and now he wants you to pay for it!


You're right! Book 'em, Ron!


Sorry, Hot Stuff - maybe there's something between us and maybe there isn't


but I'm still sending you over.


If you can't do the time, ya don't do the crime.


This was so much fun!


There you are, shiny dude!


Dude, this zit just saved my life!


AAAH!


Follow me, men!


Follow me!


No no no.


Not a cream to shrink it.


A cream to protect it.


Don't you guys have some kinda zit shellack


or anti-bursting foam?


[ phone rings ]


Hel--


Hang on. Hello?


Bring the PDA to the fountain, stat!


Gotta run but if you could give my predicament some thought,


I'd appreciate it.


Oh man.


We want The List, Jonesy!


I'm afraid I can't do that Wayne.


The List is too powerful to place in the hands of a man like you.


Then prepare to do battle!


Ouch!


Duuude!


Sweet!


This isn't over!


We'll never stop until we get that list!


I can never let that happen Wayne.


So you leave me no choice.


WAYNENooooo!


WHY? Why would you do that?!


[ crying ]


The horror, the horror!


Wyatt, the backup on this laptop is the last copy of The List,


once it's on your PDA, I'm deleting it.


Just remember, with power...


comes responsibility.


I'll use it wisely.


A-HA!


[ coughing and choking ]


This place reeks!


How did you find us?


Detective work - following a trail is TV cop show .


Can't... do it...


Whoo!


Okay, I'm sorry I made such big deal before.


You don't have to give up your List.


Already deleted it, I don't need it any more


but I did change your entry before I handed it off to Wyatt.


Go ahead, read it out loud.


"Nikkishe's the One." Whoa!


So?


Soooo...I feel the same way.


You two can go now.


This has got to be the most romantic thing


that's ever happened in here.


Love the skirt, by the way.


Yeah, all guys do.


Whoa! Which guys?!


How many are we talkin'?


Heads up.


Watch the zit.


Go Jude! Good luck!



Time for the draw.


And the winner is...


Come on lucky zit!


Shane Walker!


That's me.


Noooooooo!


WYATTGross!


JUDESorry.