04x90 - On Your Mark, Get Set... Date!

[bunniefuu]

You know who's the cutest guy around?


I am?


Hold on.


Yep, looks like you win the big prize...ME.


Do you mind. Nasty.


Some of us are still single and lonely.


Yeah.


I'm totally wasting my 'high school sweetheart' years!


Try going on a date or something!


It's been one heck of a dating dry spell.


And even if you're lucky enough to get a date,


you know in the first five minutes if the person sucks.


But then you've still gotta get


through a two-hour dinner!


You know what you guys should try...


speed dating.


That's a great idea!


Uh, no, that was a joke and only a joke.


In the event of a real suggestion,


you will be notified without a sarcastic tone.


Hold them horses, Nikki --


you're on to something there.


I could use a new job


and this could be just the ticket!


Yeah, that's right, I got fired


from my job cleaning vacuum cleaners.


Way too confusing.


Anyway... Ten bucks a head


times daters...


that's a... carry the ...


a TON of coin!


With the participation fee at a reasonable ten dollars,


how can you say no?


C'mon guys, pay up!


[ ♪♪♪ ]


[ ♪ ]


♪ LIFE BEGINS AFTER SCHOOL ♪


♪ THAT'S WHEN WE BEND ALL THE RULES ♪


♪ TIME TO HANG WITH ALL MY FRIENDS ♪


♪ WE LIKE TO BE TOGETHER ♪


♪ IN A PLACE WHERE WE BELONG! ♪


♪ I'M TEEN, STARTING TO FIND MY WAY ♪


♪ GOT A NEW JOB


♪ GONNA START AT THE MALL TODAY ♪


♪ THANK GOD I'M ON MY OWN FOR THE FIRST TIME ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN, LIFE IS SWEET ♪


♪ WHEN YOU'RE GROWING UP SO FAST ♪


♪ YOU GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


♪ I'M TEEN...


♪ I'M TEEN... ♪ TEEN


[ ♪ ]


♪ GOTTA MAKE THE GOOD TIMES LAST ♪


[ ♪ ]


I still don't know about this speed dating thing.


I don't think I can handle speed rejection.


Ha ha... the dating candidates are rolling in...


ka-ching!


Praise loneliness!


Don't worry, I'll show you how to attract


every guy at the event.


Oh yeah?


It's all about being positive,


and doing whatever you can to make them like you.


Nah!


You gotta be unattainable, not nice.


Now that's hot!


No! You've got to be sweet and open to anything.


'Not nice' sounds like a lot less work.


We'll make the event a dating method face-off.


Whoever scores the most follow-up dates wins.


You're on.


Ignore these two and their dating dysfunction.


Just be yourself.


Pfft! Waste of time.


I haven't been myself in years!


Yeah, remind me what I see in you again?


Okay, so what you want to do is,


keep telling yourself none of these guys are good enough,


no matter how hot they are.


You got anything for me?


Hmm.


Well, if you don't know what to talk about, try singing.


I mean, that is your forté.


Go on...


And by not talking, you'll avoid that foot-in-the-mouth thing


you always do.


What? Foot in the mouth?!


Always?!? Ugh!


Great, now you've got me all worried about that!


Go get 'em, tiger!


I don't know...


maybe I should try Caitlin's method instead...


Your choice but Caitlin is single.


You'll notice I'm not.


Do the math.


Let this Jonesy Method cheat sheet


be the map that guides you


from Lonesometown to Happy-Coupleville.



Oh! Give me that.


Hey!


You used these lines on me!


What's worse... they WORKED!


Told ya. Oof!


If it worked on Nikki, I guess there's a chance for me.


That's it, off ya go...


Welcome to the first-ever Jonesy Speed-dating Extravaganza!


Each date lasts three minutes.


Then we ring the bell, and the boys move to the next table.


At the end, everybody picks the photos


of whoever they want to go on a follow-up date with.


Picks will be done in private so it's not AWK-WARD!


But both parties must pick each other


to receive that nd date offer.


Cool?


Let the games begin!


[ BELL RINGS ]


[ JONESY'S VOICE IN HEAD ] You gotta be unattainable, not nice.


I don't like you...


right now.


You'll be happy to know that I'm up for anything!


I hunt squirrels and dress them in little polyester pants.


[ BELL RINGS ]


Hi, I'm Jude.


Nice to mee- [ COUGHING/CHOKING ]


Anyway...


[ BELL RINGS ]


Um...


so...


[ JONESY'S VOICE IN HEAD ] Foot in the mouth...


OW!


Sorry!


You've got a great energy!


I love your eyes and I'm not even lying.


If you say so!


Do you want me to compliment you back?


You can if you want to.


I'm happy to do whatever you want me to do.


Whatever you want.


No, you. You.


You.


[ BELL RINGS ]


So I was white water rafting and uh...


Yeah, I white water rafted once.


Had to fight off a river shark.


Yeah, wow. Impressive.


Actually, once when I was sky-diving--


I went sky-diving when I was five.


Had to fight off an att*ck helicopter.


[ BELL RINGS ]


Sorry, my guitar string's broken so...


Hey, you're the new Barista at Grind Me!


Cool!


Definitely won't be needing this.


Sorry, wrong table. We just saw each other.


No, we didn't.


Uh, ya, we did.


Sorry, but we didn't.


Yes, we did!


How can you not remember?


Yah, because we didn't!


Did!


Hi, Caitlin.


Wait... you're twins?!


Well, you're the cute one!


Twins? Wow, I didn't...


[ JONESY'S VOICE ] Rule number threeNo matter what,


you're always right.


Like I said, we did speed date already.


Well... if you say so!


YES! Told ya' my method is a winner!


Hey, I'm Jude.


Jude, it's me!


STARR?!


Whoa, head rush.


I thought you were all goth-tacular.


Turns out I'm really smart.


I'm big on quantum physics now.


And medieval-themed roleplaying games.


That sounds, um, fun?


I'm SO happy to see you.


I want to start things up again.


I bet, bra.


Nerdy girl like you...


must be impossible to get a date.


Uh, I mean...


I've still got more speed-dates to go on...


plus, ya' kinda broke my heart.


But the heart is a very resilient muscle.


In fact, the average human heart beats approximately


. billion times in a lifetime.


Ding! Ooh, looks like our time is up!


See ya!


Hey, you can't do that!


I've still got time left!


[ BELL RINGS ] Or not.


Okay guys, here are the results.


Wyatt, only one of the speed-dates you picked,


picked you back.



Ah, man.


That's so... perfect!


Kathleen's a Barista at Grind Me.


Can you believe it?


Is it her you like?


Or is it the coffee?


Please!


I'd never use someone like that!


I haven't even tasted her coffee...


yet.


So how many guys want to date me?


Pretty much all the guys. Yes!


Then my technique is the big winner!


Eee!


Not so fast, Jen got the thumbs up


from the same number of guys.


YES! I'm in Couples-town!


♪ Oh yeah, uh-huh


The Jonesy Method kicks it!


In yo' face!


High five!


And it looks like you both get to go out


with your number one picks.


Uh-oh. Trouble.


Same guy.


They should duel like in the olden days,


with swords at fifty paces!


How do you have a sword fight at fifty paces?


Fifty-foot swords?


Don't worry, they're just twins.


Perfect! We can break the tie.


If Caitlin and Jen go on a double date with the twins


we'll find out whose method really works best.


Or they could just go on normal dates like normal people.


I could barely get through three minutes


using the Jonesy method.


How am I going to get through a whole date?


Don't worry, I'll make sure you've got him


wrapped around your little finger.


And if Jonesy's method doesn't work


at least you'll prove him wrong,


so it's win-win!


Oh, sure, why not?


It's only my love life you're messing with.


Great! Great!


Any of the speedy mamasitas wanna see me again?


Just that weird nerdy girl.


But you didn't pick her back, so...


Uhn... Starr.


THAT'S Starr? No. What?


No... that's Starr.


Hey, Jude, wanna see a movie?


Actually...


I've already got tickets, here ya go!


Uh... okay?


Great, I'll see you later.


Oh Jude, congratulations.


You and Starr are sooo good together.


But now she's all smart and stuff.


Ooh, are you worried you're not going


to be bright enough for her?


Now I am.


I love that shirt.


Wow, a napkin before I even need it?


You're so forward thinking.


Uh... sooooo....


Is something wrong?


Say 'You have to ask? Can't you tell?'


Eyes front, say it.


You have to ask? Can't you tell?


Knock over your drink. DO IT!


Sorry, did I make you do that?


Wow.


Yeah, I'm a genius.


Hey, what are you doin-- Shhh!


Wait, you can't just--


Never mind.


Where were we?


Oh ya, get more napkins!


Right, of course, sorry!


Oh, a text from Caitlin?


'Jonesy's created a Jen-monster.'


'You have to help'


'After all, speed-dating was YOUR idea!'


It's like I can't make a JOKE with these people!


Hey there, Kathleen...


a flower for your best cuppa joe?


[ CRYING ] This is the best coffee


I've EVER tasted in my LIFE!


Uhh, it's just a cup of coffee.


NO!


You're the best thing that's ever happened to coffee!


Uh, I mean me.


Happened to me... ahem.


Don't look now, but there's a pack of geeks


hovering behind us.


Hey guys. This is Jude.


Jude, these are my new friends I told you about.


Uh, nice to meet you.


If you guys haven't solved that space travel dilemma yet,



maybe Jude could help out.


Do you have any thoughts on how to change directions in space


using a minimal amount of energy?


Well, I pulled a sweet 'board stunt this weekend.


I grabbed a pole to swing back around --


didn't slow me down at all.


Of course!


The same way satellites use the gravitational pull


of the moon to correct their orbit!


You're a genius!


I'll hafta take your word for it, bra.


No you won't. You can take this IQ test!


You carry IQ tests with you?


Everyone who joins us has to-


and then we do them once a month for fun!


Uh, sure, 'cause tests are super fun...


but I can't do it now.


No worries, it's a take-home.


But we kind of have a policy -


only people with an IQ of or higher


are smart enough to hang with us.


is an average score


and or below is...


well, we won't have to worry about that.


[ LAUGHING ]


But I know you'll ace it!


You can write it tonight,


and we'll find out just how smart you are


in the morning.


Yay. Fun.


Anyone here a genius?!


For the love of all that's good and holy,


is there a genius in this mall!?


Ugh, where is he?


Don't worry about it...


Let's just have a good time with these guys.


Are you girls looking for someone?


Yeah...


I'm looking...


for someone who knows how to mind their own business?


[ JONESY'S VOICE IN EAR ] Jen?


Nod if you can hear me.


Sweet, now repeat after me-


Who are you talking to?


Who are you talking to?!


You...?


I said, who are you talking to?


This doesn't concern you!


This doesn't concern you!


Okay, um...


Ow! Let go of my hair!


Ow! Let go of my hair!


I didn't touch your hair.


Jen, what's the matter with you?


[ HIGH-PITCHED WHINE ] OW! Huh?


Ooh... migraine.


Ow! Come on Nikki, let go!


I've got to coach Jen to prove I'm a dating guru!


I thought you'd be more supportive of my dreams.


Whatever, Dr. Franken-dater!


Ya, well speed dating was your idea!


UGH!


PLUS, you're not the boss of me!


Hey! Dating goofus!


Get back here!


So... you don't go to movies, and you don't watch TV


um... how about music?


What do you listen to?


I like country.


You know, maybe we're not really right for each oth-


Geniuses?!


Looking for geniuses over here!


[ SNIFFING ] What is that incredible perfume you're wearing?


It's not perfume, it's just coffee smell,


leftover from work.


Don't ever change.


Listen, Dragon Blade is a superior film.


Genius is never appreciated!


Right on!


Wayne always says he's the smartest dude in the mall!


I need a genius and you're the dude!


You gotta take this IQ test for me, Bro!


IQ Test?


Mere child's play!


With some monetary incentive of course...


Ahem?


It's due tomorrow morning!


Problemo solved.


Kung Footsie?


Watching the opening will get my brain working, I know it.


So what other dashingly heroic things have you done, Tom?


You're a great listener!


Let's see, I bungee'd off a bridge once...


Wow...


[ THINKING ] Who's the dating guru now, Jonesy?


Your waiter-a will be right-a with you-a.


Finally!


Don't I know-- YOU!


Uh Todd, I'll be needing a foot rub...


NOW!



Table four needs to be cleared.


That's some serious facial hair...


Yeah, I already-a cleared-a table four-a.


I'll show you how to clear a table.


Please let him stay! I need him!


Why do you need a busboy?


Let the hairy waitress do her job!


Whoa, are you dating her or me?


What?


I'm all about you, Tom!


Fully, absolutely and flat-out


totally about you!


Uh, why did you kiss MY date?


WHAT?


No, I kissed... Whoopsie.


There, now we're even.


So that's how you want to play it?


All right, everybody out!


So who do you think won the bet?


Tom and Todd?! Obviously.


I wrote this song just for you.


♪ When I wake up the first thing I wanna see ♪


♪ Is you, grinding up some love for me ♪


♪ 'cause you're so fine ♪


I'm getting the feeling this relationship's just about the coffee.


What?!


No, of course not!


I like you a latté!


I mean... a lot!


[ ON TV ] You have been watching, Kung Footsie.


Okay...


Exit the Dragon?! This is a MUST SEE!


[ PHONE RINGING ]


Hey bro, I'll be dropping by to pick up the test


in about twenty minutes, cool?


Yeah, cool!


Definitely cool, man!


See ya soon!


Hey Nikki! Hi Jonesy!


Aren't you guys ticked at us?


Why should we be?


Restaurant? Twins?


Double humiliation? Ring any bells?


After you left, it turned out


that Todd and I get along really well.


And Tom and I are a way better fit.


So we ended up kissing the right guys after all!


Coffee anyone?


Handcrafted by my excellent new girlfriend Kathleen.


Wow, this is great!


Phenomenal joe, bro.


Yeah, I know.


I mean, if she can make this,


who cares if she likes country music?


COUNTRY MUSIC?!


You are using her for the coffee!


Oh, Wyatt.


Wha -- I can't believe you'd accuse me of something so low!


As a matter of fact, I'm just on my way to buy a present


for caffeine -- I mean, Kathleen!


Uh... bye now!


Oh yeah, this one's got 'happily ever after'


written all over it.


Hey, I got you a gift.


Because I care about you... as a person.


It's an electric coffee bean grinder!


Uh, plus it's great for grinding cinnamon,


and uh, nutmeg and...


Oh, it IS about the coffee!


Wow. I'm really sorry.


Can you forgive me?


Sure, but I won't be making you anymore coffee.


Yeah, I kinda deserve that.


Not this one too!


[ CRYING ] I'm gonna miss you.


?!


Is that good?


No, it's very not good.


I have to stop seeing you, Jude.


I made a pledge only to date smart guys.


S'okay.


Trying to be smart was giving me a headache anyway.


Ahh.


Being dumb never felt so good.


[ STRUMMING GUITAR ]


Bye, Tom.


Bye, Todd.


I'm going to miss dating Caffei--


er, Kathleen! Sheesh.


Here bro,


your ex-hottie just started her shift.


Finally!


Mmmm...


At least Jude can keep bringing you coffee


to remember her by.


Aaahh.


What are you doing anyway?


Marking my IQ test.


Figured I should give it a go for real


and see exactly how many slices I am short of a loaf.



So? Whoa.


That bad, huh?


Jude, you're a genius.


Is that that sarcastic tone again?


Nope, he scored !


Amazing!WOW! No WAY!


Dudes, I should donate my brain to science!


Ya might wanna keep using it for a bit.


Yeah, I think science has enough problems to deal with.