02x03 - Movie Job

[bunniefuu]

So after dinner tonight, mom tells me and josh

To do the dishes.

You know, drake's supposed to be

Helping me do these dishes,

But I don't mind. I like working.

It's not that I have a problem with working.

I just choose not to.

To me, getting a job done, and done well,

Just feels good.

I like doing dishes.

I like sleeping.

Raking leaves.

Playing guitar.

Doing homework.

Tricking josh into doing my homework.

Well, dishes are done.

That's enough guitar for tonight.

On to my next activity.

Time for my next activity.

Hello, broom.

Hello, michelle.

Wow, "cavemom ." How awesome?so awesome.

Oh, i--i love the way the director used light

As a symbol for redemption.

I love the way the director used hot girls

As a symbol for, uh... Hot girls.

And then he was like, "no way."

And speaking of hot girls...

Uh, excuse me, sir.

Do you have a second? I just got to tell you

How great this movie theater is.

Yeah? Oh, the movie, slammin.'

The sound system, bumpin.'

The popcorn, dare I say, poppin.'

Well, thank you.

Here at the premiere, your comments are always welcome.

Yeah? Uh, the only thing you might want to check out is

The cup holder in seat c.

It's a little wobbly.

Well, I'll get my tool kit

And have a look at that just as soon as

The next movie lets out.

Great.

Because with all the pain and hunger

And disease in the world,

There's really no better use of my time

Than to make sure every blessed cup holder

Is rock-solid steady,

So that little whiny punkholes like you

Don't have to worry about your precious little lemonade

Being a teeny bit unbalanced!

I had the fruit punch.

Well, froody-doody-doo. I quit!

Excuse me. Where's theater ?

Huh?

Theater .

Oh, uh, uh, no, I don't work here.

Sorry.

But I come here all the time.

Uh, theater 's through those doors.

Just hang a left.

Thanks. Yeah.

Excuse me, son.

What time does "buckets of blood" begin?

Well, there's a show at :,

But instead, might I recommend

"Headless honeymoon"?

Way more blood.

Oh, bless you.

Back at you , sister.

Hey. Do you work for me?

No.

Where did you get that vest?

Oh, uh, well, my cup holder was a little wobbly,

Uh, so I told this guy,

Who then called me a punkhole,

And then he kind of quit.

You made crazy steve quit?

You hired a guy named crazy steve?

Had to. Long story. Not pretty.

I've been trying to fire him for months,

But he's just so--crazy?

Mm-hmm.

Let me, uh, ask you something.

Do you have a job?

No.

Are you, uh, all right in the head?

I think so.

Congratulations. You're hired.

What?

Get to work.

Yeah, I might call you.

Why are you wearing that vest?

I work here.

How long was I gone?

♪ I never thought that it'd be so simple but ♪

♪ I found a way, I found a way

♪ If you open up your mind

♪ It's gonna take some time to realize ♪

♪ But if you look inside I'm sure you'll find...♪

♪ Over your shoulder you know

♪ That I've told you I'll always be ♪

♪ Pickin' you up when you're down ♪

♪ So just turn around

♪ Ooh...ooh

Voice on tv: work it, people!

And , and , and kick.

Can you feel the burn?

Nope. I feel the nacho cheese.

Oh...man. What a day.

It's good to be home.

Voice on tv: put down that sandwich. Come on.

Aren't you going to ask me how work was?

No.

First the ticket printer ran out of ink.

Then the slushy machine broke.

It was spewing slushy.

Guess who had to clean that up?

Don't care.

Exactly. Me.

And then some little kid got stuck to the floor of theater .

We got him up, but we couldn't save his pants.

Fascinating.

Yeah. All my hard work's going to pay off soon.

Can't believe you're still talking.

My boss helen's looking for a new assistant manager.

If I get that job, I trade in this red vest

For a shiny gold vest.

That would be so special.

I know. So what did you do today?

This.

[Yawns] well, this is what I did. All day.

And I'm still not done.

What's in the bag?

Oh, yeah. Check it out.

The new ibot.

No way. Where did you get this?

I bought it.

I got paid yesterday. Money!

No way. This is the one that

Holds, like, , songs.

Yeah, it does.

And check this out.

Whoa. What is that?

I don't know!

But it beeps. It vibrates.

It can pinpoint my exact latitude and longitude.

Longitude!

What does that mean?

I don't know!

But how cool is it?

Oh, very cool.

Uh, but, you know,

Not if you had to work for it.

I like to earn my money the old-fashioned way.

How?

Selling your stuff on ebay.

Yeah, right. Ahh.

Uh, drake?

Where's my stereo?

Wisconsin.

Aww!

Hey, it's drake and, um...

Stacy. Stacy.

Stacy.

Welcome to the premiere theater.

How many tickets do you want?

I want candy.

Well, she's a keeper.

Just give me the tickets.

$.

Uh...

How about $. And some very warm gummi bears?

Look, I'll cover you this time,

But you might want to think about getting a job yourself.

Thought about it. Not going to happen.

Drake, can we get the extra large popcorn?

Can we?

[In higher voice] drake, can we get the extra large popcorn?

Draaake?

So much popcorn. Next time we should buy me a small.

Yeah, next time.

See ya.

You know what, josh? I thought about it, and I think you're right.

I should get a job.

Really? Why?

You know. It teaches responsibility,

Leadership, discipline.

No, seriously. Why?

All right. Well, I got another date for the : movie,

And I'm totally out of cash.

Unless you want to make another donation.

Job it is.

Good. Good. I'm proud of you.

So where do you want to work?

How about here?

Awesome!

We could be work buddies.

Yeah. Don't say that again.

So, can you hook me up with a job?

It's not up to me.

You got to go talk to the manager--helen.

Helen.

Yeah, but don't get your hopes up.

She's really tough,

And it's not like she just hands out jobs.

Hey, helen, can I have a job?

Sure. Start tomorrow.

All right!

Way to go, work buddy!

Oh, here's my :. I'll--i'll see you after the movie.

But how are you going to pay for the tickets?

Dude, I work here now. Free movies.

♪ Stack 'em, stack 'em, stack 'em ♪

♪ We stack 'em and they snack 'em ♪

♪ Stack 'em, stack 'em, stack 'em ♪

♪ Take it, drake

I don't want it.

Uh, drake, your stack's a little askew.

Um, who a-cares?

I do. Switch with me.

I want everything to be perfect for helen,

So that she'll give me that assistant manager job--

Drake! Nice stack.

Oh, thanks, helen. [Laughs]

Yours is askew.

But i--

Should fix that.

Uh, drake, I need you to do something for me.

Would you--you know, helen,

You look fantastic.

Have you lost weight?

Oh, my. Well, you know,

I have been using my butt-buster.

Uh-huh. You think it's really working?

Oh-ho-ho-ho. It is working overtime.

Oh, drake, you're so crazy.

Oh, now, wait a minute. What was I saying?

It was something about the--hey, helen.

Oh, yeah. Go mop the lobby.

Some husky kid got sick.

And, uh, clean up these straw wrappers.

And I thought it was going to be fun, you know,

Working with drake and all,

But it's a disaster.

It's like I work my butt off

Plungering toilets, cleaning up husky sick,

And then he gets all the credit.

I mean, how am I going to make assistant manager

If helen doesn't even know I exist?

Please. Just give me some popcorn.

[Guitar playing]

Oh, sorry. Kind of busy. Next window, please.

[Playing guitar]

Megan, what are you doing here?

Tickets to "monsters from the drain."

Didn't mom tell you you couldn't see that movie?

Didn't mom say you couldn't ride

Ricky palladino's motorcycle?

Didn't mom say you couldn't keep a raccoon as a pet?

I know a lot of things, drake. A lot of things.

Tickets to "monsters from the drain." Enjoy the show.

Smart boy.

Uh, drake?

Did you just sell those little girls

Tickets to a pg- movie?

Busted.

Uh, yes, I did, helen,

And--and I'll tell you why.

Why?

Well, I'm not going to lie to you.

Those kids? They're norwegian.

What?

It means they're from norway.

Thank you. Now, as I'm sure you know,

Norway is on the metric system.

Of course.

So to a norwegian, pg- is actually pg-.

I know. Metric.

So I didn't want to create an international incident.

Smart. Heads-up move.

I like your style, drake.

In fact, how would you like to be

Promoted to assistant manager?

Huh?

All right.

Good. Just pick up your gold vest tomorrow, then.

Assistant manager.

Hey, this means I'm your boss.

[Screams indistinctly]

And now drake's my boss.

It was bad enough when we were both red vests.

Now he tells me what to do.

Oh, and yesterday, I caught him

Drinking root beer straight from the nozzle.

That's not sanitary!

Look, kid, I'm just here to unclog the drain.

Hello, brother.

Hello, plumber.

Aren't you supposed to be at work?

Ah, well, yeah, but as assistant manager,

I've given myself the rest of the day off.

Hey, nice vest, kid.

Oh, thanks. It's gold.

Really gold.

You should get yourself one of those.

Don't you have something to plumb?

Plumber: man, what is stuck in this drain?

No! Don't touch the drain!

There are monsters in there!

Megan: aah!

Yeah, good call letting her see that movie.

Ah, here's the problem.

You had a beef rib stuck in there.

Nope, that's pork.

Yeah, that'd be pork. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Mom?

Daaad?

Ok, duties for today.

You, clean up theater .

You, sweep the lobby.

You, get me a hot dog.

You can't make him get you a hot dog.

That's a total abuse of power.

Hey, hey, hey. Settle down, red vest. Hot dog.

You want I should put mustard on it?

It's not going to put mustard on itself.

True.

You. Squeegee the windows.

You know, I realize your vest is gold, but that doesn't mean--

Uh, drake? Got a minute?

Sure.listen, I'm not going to mince words.

We have ourselves a popcorn issue.

Popcorn issue?

We're not selling enough. Now, we're going to have to start

Moving some more corn, or it's--

Is that a clipboard?

Oh, yes. I brought it from home.

Nice! And very official.

You're doing a fine job.

You know, helen, I also have a clipboard.

And you are?

Josh. I work here.

Good. Get me a hot dog.

Uh, with mustard.

Huh. Good call.

Uh-huh. I don't understand people

That put ketchup on a hot dog.ugh. I hate ketchup-

On-a-hot-dog people. Now, relish.

Ooh, yeah. Relish is tasty. I like that.

Ah, helen. It's me. Josh.

I just love working here at the movie theater.

[In higher voice] really? We love you too, josh.

In fact, maybe you should be assistant manager,

Instead of nasty old drake.

Oh, you flatter me, helen.

[In higher voice] yeah. In fact,

We have a gold vest for you right here.

Why, it's just my size.

Talking through objects again?

What's got you down, son?

Oh, I've been trying so hard to impress my boss at work,

But she only notices drake.

Well, he is pretty charming.

You're not helping.

Look, bosses notice hard workers

Who come up with good ideas.

Ok. Expand.

I had a similar problem at the tv station.

Our ratings were down, right?

Yeah, but that's not your fault.

You're just the weatherman.

True, but I thought to myself,

How could I use the weather

To help improve ratings for our newscast?

So what'd you come up with?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

But I guarantee you, if I had come up with

Something really good,

My boss would've noticed and then loved me.

So what you're saying is,

I should come up with a great idea for the movie theater,

And that'll impress helen.

Oh, that's good. Do that.

She did say we haven't been selling enough popcorn.

Well, there you go. Work on that.

Cool. You rock, dad.

I'm on it.

[Shouts] I'm on it!

Uh, excuse me. Your attention.

Your attention, please.

Listen up, people!

Josh, what are you doing?

Impressing the boss.

We're about to sell more popcorn than ever before.

How?

Just watch and learn.

Attention moviegoers and popcorn lovers.

Tonight we have a special surprise.

In lucky buckets of popcorn,

I've hidden a little golden ball.

So?

So, if you happen to find a golden ball in your popcorn,

You will win free movies for a month.

Now, if everyone will please form an orderly line,

I would be happy to give you--

[All screaming]

This is not orderly!

No! Put that popcorn down!

Put the kernels down! Come on, now!

Where is the golden ball?

Remain calm!

No!

That's not calm!

Stop wrestling for the popcorn!

Please put the popcorn down!

You're going to get me fired!

Put the popcorn down!

[Josh shouting indistinctly]

Give it! Give it!

Aah!

I'm watching. When do I start learning?

Come on.

Give me. [Indistinct]

No golden balls.

So much trouble

From such little golden balls.

Helen is so going to fire me.

Yeah, she is.

But I love this job.

Come on. You'll get another job.

I don't want another job.

What's better than working at the movie theater?

I'll answer that. Nothing.

Yeah, but you got to show up on time.

You come home smelling like popcorn.

I like smelling like popcorn.

It's buttery and delicious.

Oh, helen is so going to k*ll me.

Come on. She probably won't even find out.

Ok, I want the moron that came up with

The brilliant popcorn idea

To report to my office right now.

So I'm thinking she found out.

[Knocking on door]

Excuse me. Helen?

I have something to tell you about the popcorn incident.

I'm sorry. Who are you?

Josh. My name is josh!

Well, josh, only the employees are allowed back here, ok?

You don't understand. About the popcorn,

All the trouble is--

Because of me.

You?

Me. But--

Shhh.

Drake, what's this all about?

I'm the one that came up with the golden ball idea.

Totally my fault.

No! Yes.

Oh, drake, say it's not so.

I'm afraid it's so.

No!my fault, helen.

Oh, drake, I'm shocked.

So am i.

Well, I hate to do this, but

It says right here in the corporate handbook,

Anytime the paramedics are called,

Someone must be fired.

So, drake, I'm going to have to let you go.

Please turn in your vest and your flashlight.

I'm going to miss you, helen.

Take good care of this place.

Mmf!

Well, that leaves me short-handed for tonight.

You want a job here?

But I already--

Yes.

I would love to work here.

Hey, uh, bring me a hot dog.

You want me to put mustard on it?

It's not going to put mustard on itself.

True.

[Video game sounds]

This so beats work.

Oh, cool. You're home.

Come play robo-smash with me.

Drake, I don't get it.

What's not to get?

They're robots, they smash things, and we play.

No. Back at the movie theater.

Why'd you take the blame?

I don't know. I guess because you really love it there.

That job means way more to you than it does to me.

Yeah, but now you don't have a job.

Yeah.

We're all winners.

Thanks, man.

So what are you going to do for money?

Sell your bike on ebay.

Ha. Good luck.

I got that thing locked up tight.

[In higher voice] hi. Aren't you the weatherman?

Not just the weatherman I'm the superhero weatherman!

Whoosh! Whoosh!

[Indistinct voice on tv]

[Bell rings]man: mmm!