02x06 - Smart Girl

[bunniefuu]

Josh does really well in school.

Drake does really well at everything...

Except school.

Last semester, josh took two extra classes,

Got as in both of them.

Last week, drake took two girls to a concert,

Kissed them both!

Yeah, me, I don't do great in school.

I'm always bugging him to do his homework.

Last week, josh was bugging me to do my homework.

And what does he do?

I handcuffed him to a tennis racket.

He handcuffed me to a tennis racket!

It was so cool.

It was so not cool!

I wish I had a knack for school.

I wish I had a handcuff key.

Hey! How was the movie?

Ah, stupid.

Loved it.

Whoa! Who's that?

Oh, that's michelle.

She's in my english class,

And she's captain of the academic team.

Ah, your words bore me.

But I'm definitely interested in that girl.

Forget it. She's way too smart to fall for your game.

Maybe I got a little more game than you think. Hey!

It's for a good cause.

Aw, jeez!

Look, with my gummy bears all over the floor!

Oh!

Here, let me help you with that.

Oh, thanks.

I'm not sure you still want these,

Unless you like them carpet-flavored.

Ha ha! Good point.

Uh, so, what movie did you see?

"Le petit fromage."

I love french films.

What did you see?

Ah, "doggie prom."

I love dogs in tuxedos.

Talk about your pavlovian nightmares!

Ha ha ha!

[Both giggling]

What you said.

Uh...you wanna grab some pizza?

I can't. I have academic team practice.

We're competing against bushmont next week

In the state finals.

Oh, ok. Well, I hope you do good.

Well.

Well, what?

Ha ha ha!

That's great! I love grammar jokes.

Ha ha! Yeah, me, too...

I, too...me, also.

Now you talk.

You're really funny. Uh...

Well, I'll see you around.

So, did you ask her out?

I...think so.

Yeah? And what did she say?

I have no idea.

Ugh! What's the matter?

Carpet flavor.

♪I never thought that it would be so simple ♪

♪But I found a way, I found a way ♪

♪ If you open up your mind

♪ See what's inside

♪It's gonna take some time to realize ♪

♪But if you look inside, I'm sure you'll find ♪

♪ Over your shoulder you know that I told you ♪

♪ I'll always be pickin' you up when you're down ♪

♪ So just turn around

♪ Whoo

Drake: josh!

Dude, wake up!

Uh, you, uh...

You got a little something...

Aw, jeez!

Megan!

Yep! Aah!

What's the problem? You!

You have b*rned me for the last time!

I will get my revenge!

Yeah, nice speech. But just remember, josh:

I'm always one step ahead of you.

One...step...ahead.

I'm scared for you.

Underwear.

Aah!

Ooh! Where you going, fancy?

To the movies.

Gonna accidentally run into michelle again.

What are you doing tonight?

Thinking of ways at getting back at megan.

I'm gonna get her before she gets me.

She glue your butt to the chair?

I don't want to talk about it.

Megan!

Drake? Ohh!

Hey, michelle!

Hi! Did you see the same movie I saw?

Oh, yeah-- "beautiful mucus."

You mean, "bountiful music"?

Uh-huh.

Did you like it?

Uh...actually,

I really need to let a movie sink in

Before I can discuss it.

Oh, so you can digest the imagery

And analyze the symbolism?

Sure.

I like the way you think.

We should hang out sometime.

Oh, that's a great idea. Movie?

Nah, too impersonal.

Tell you what: tomorrow night, let's go someplace

Where we can sit and...just talk.

Talk?

Yeah! I really want to explore your mind.

Ha ha ha!

She wants to explore your mind?!

So, how long's your date gonna last--like, seconds?

Yeah, this isn't good!

You better cancel that date, bro.

No! I like michelle.

I don't know what it is, but her being all smart, it's...

Kind of intriguing.

Intriguing?

That's a word, right?

Why are you so worried?

'Cause she probably likes brainy guys.

You know, the kind that actually do their homework

And...read books.

So, read a book.

I don't have a year!

Look, I just need you to help me learn enough stuff

To impress michelle on our date.

Ok, then tonight we'll--

Ooh! There's megan!

So?

I figured out a way to get my revenge.

You know the closet in the hall?

The hall closet?

That's the one.

I packed it full of dirty laundry.

So I'm gonna trick her into opening it,

And then she's gonna get buried up to her evil little eyes

In dirty socks and underpants.

Eww. Yours?

Dad's.

Eww-er.

Come on!

Hey, megan!

You know, I probably shouldn't tell you this,

But mom hid your birthday present in the hall closet.

No way! I gotta go check it out!

Here. You can have the last ice pop.

Oh! Thanks, megan.

Wow! Revenge, and an ice pop.

Nice!

Yeah. Let's go watch her open the closet.

Yeah, like I'd ever give you the last ice pop.

What's going on?

You said you wanted me to smart you up

For your date with michelle.

Class is in session.

Ok, teacher. Teach me things.

Ok. Now, michelle knows a lot of stuff, right?

So I've listed major subjects:

Chemistry, math, history, english, and latin.

Where do you want to start?

Hmm. I hate them all so much.

We'll start with chemistry.

Now, chemistry is the science of matter,

And all matter can be broken down

Into the exact same microscopic elements. See--

No way! That's awesome! I know!

You see, learning can be really-- drake!

Hang on a second.

Dude, trevor got another pet cobra.

He's gonna make them fight each other!

You can have this back

After class.

As I was saying, all matter can be broken down

Into the exact same microscopic elements--

It wasn't me.

For the last time,

The noble gases are xenon, helium,

Neon, argon--

Just forget it, josh.

I can't relate to any of this stuff, all right?

You're a bad teacher.

Like it's my fault you can't relate to anything

But girls and your guitar?

Aaahh! What?

I just gotta teach you this stuff

Using something you can understand!

You got a girl?

No! Go get your guitar.

I get it! So, an atom

Is like a note. [Plucks string]

And when you put notes together...

You have...a chord!

And a chord is like...

A molecule!

You know chemistry, brother!

It is so nice to finally get to talk to you.

I've had the worst day.

What happened?

I had to kick george dody off the academic team.

Get this. Tell me.

He couldn't even name all bones of the human body!

Pffft! What a moron!

Hey, can I have a sip of your water?

Ah, sure you can have a sip of my...ho.

That's chemistry for water.

So I've heard.

So, who's your favorite author?

Uh...my leg fell asleep.

Gotta walk it off.

Quick! She wants to know my favorite author.

So, pick any author you know.

Right. Um...

Right. Um...

Right. Um...

Well, I guess my top favorite authors would be

Mark twain-- thanks!

Ahh. Mark twain.

Interesting.

What do you like most about him?

Other leg. Back in a sec.

What do I like about him?

Oh, there's so many things:

His use of social satire--

Thanks!

Social satire.

Huh?

Mark twain--i love his social satire.

Really? Me, too!

You, too?

Drake, I have to say, this is going so well.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Oh, I think I'm thinking exactly what you're thinking.

Great! So...

What do you say?

I say yes.

Really? Oh, thank you, drake!

I'm so happy you'll join the academic team!

Huh?

You're gonna help us b*at bushmont

In the state finals this weekend!

Back in a sec.

Now what do you need to know?

Everything!

Josh!

I figured out how I can fake my way through this academic bowl.

Tell me.

You whisper the answers... In my ear.

Huh?

How can I whisper in your ear

Without people seeing me?

I wear... A really big coat!

What?

Sorry, lucy-- ethel ain't playing!

Josh... Look, there's no way that I can--

Ooh! It's : p.m.!

What's that?

I came up with the perfect way to finally get megan.

I'm listening.

She comes home from soccer practice

Every day at : p.m.,

And parks her bike directly under this window.

So I'm gonna drop this balloon, which is filled

With ounces of disgusting goo,

All over her evil little head!

She should be riding up any second,

And when she does...

Hey, josh! Look up!

Hey, megan! How'd you get up on the roof?

Uh...you got a little...

I know!

Ohh.

Underwear.

Blecch!

Every time I plan something nasty,

She beats me to the nasty!

How can she read my mind?

Wait. Where's the cactus megan gave you for christmas?

By my bed--

[Whispering] shh! Don't talk.

What is it? It's a bug.

k*ll it! No. Shh!

It's a microphone.

Megan bugged our room.

That is it! I am gonna get her

No matter what it takes,

And she'll never see it coming!

I think I will.

I think she heard you.

I know!

Megan, you cannot go around bugging people's rooms.

It's a felony!

It's a funny felony.

I'm telling mom.

No! You'll get me in trouble!

All right. You want to stay out of trouble?

What do you want?

I need a way for josh to feed me answers

While I'm on stage at the academic bowl.

That's all?

You got anything?

I got everything.

Whoa! Night vision goggles?

Government issue.

Oh, watch it. You dropped a thumbtack in here.

That's a video camera.

Look, I just need a way for josh to give me the answers

Without anyone knowing.

Then you need...

This.

How's it work?

You put that in your ear.

Ok. Then what?

Then josh talks into this, and you can hear everything he says.

This is perfect!

You're the best evil little sister ever.

I know.

Hey...nice pen.

Looks like a pen, doesn't it?

It's not a pen?

Click it.

Why? Just click it.

[Electrical buzzing]

Josh: aaaahhh!

Megan!

Drake did it!

Aaahh!

Thank you for the butt bruise!

Are you ready? You know what to do, right?

Yeah--cheat!

I told you, it's not cheating.

Beg to differ!

Are you gonna help me or not? I mean...

I helped you when you got your foot caught in the toilet!

No, you didn't.

You laughed and took digital pictures!

Come on, josh, please?

Man: would everyone take your seats? The academic bowl is about to begin.

Well?

Fine.

But let's just get this over with.

This whole thing makes me feel so dirty.

So take a bath when you get home.

Give me the earpiece.

Thanks, brother.

You better love me for this!

Not that kind of love!

Man: welcome to the academic bowl state finals.

[Audience claps]

The first team that answers questions correctly

Wins the match.

Good luck, drake.

Ooh...how about just a little more luck?

Ooh. I'm good.

What is the capital of uruguay?

Belleview?

[Accented] montevideo.

[Accented] montevideo.

Correct!

And nice accent, by the way.

Belleview is first on the board, with one point.

Next question:

Name the youngest man to hold the office

Of president of the united states.

[Buzzer] bushmont?

John f. Kennedy.incorrect.

[Buzzer]belleview?

Uh...

Theodore roosevelt.

I believe the youngest president was

Theodore roosevelt.

Correct.

Yes!

Way to go, drake.

I know things.

Next: in mythology,

Who was the greek god of w*r?

Belleview?

Ares?

I'm thinking it's ares.

Ares it is!

Belleview , bushmont .

E = m c squared.

E = m c squared.

Martha washington.

.

.

Russian.

Darien gap.

Bushmont, you're falling behind. Next question:

In what geometric shape

Does the earth travel around the sun?

Elliptical.

Elliptical.

Belleview's correct again!

The current score is belleview with points,

Bushmont with .

One more point for belleview and they win the match.

Keep it up, drake.

Oh, I'm just getting started.

All right, let's go! Bring it!

Very well. Next question:

What does the acronym "nafta" stand for?

[Buzzer] belleview?

It's--

Uh...it's, um...

Your answer, belleview?

North american free trade agreement.

[Radio static]

It's the, uh...

Man: yeah, welcome to mega burger. Can I interest you in...?

I think we're picking up radio interference

From the mega burger drive-through.

Mr. Parker, you buzzed in.

What is your answer?

North american free trade agreement!

Man: yeah, you want cheese on that burger?

Uh, "you want cheese on that burger"?

Uh...no. Thank you.

Bushmont, it's to you.

North american free trade agreement.

Correct!

[Applause]

Next question:

What year was the battle of hastings fought?

Belleview?

!

Man: ok, your total comes to $..

?

I'm sorry, but that year

Hasn't happened yet.

Bushmont?

.

Correct!

Drake?!

Uh...

Time-out, please. Time?

No, you cannot call a time-out.

We'll be taking a short time-out.

This competition will resume in minutes.

He gave him a .

Drake, are you ok?

I told you: boys can't be handsome and smart!

Look, I'll be right back.

Uhh!

What are you doing?!

What do you think I'm doing?-- Helping you cheat!

Well, you're not doing a very good job!

Oh, it's my fault mega burger's having

A sale on curly fries?

I can't control radio interference!

Why didn't you pull up your antenna?

I'll pull your antenna!

Look, you listen to me! I--

You listen to me! I quit!

I'm outta here! Good-bye!

Fine! Next time you get your foot stuck in the toilet,

I'm flushing!

Hey! How's everyone?

Drake, we've been talking,

And we would appreciate it if--

If you could just keep your big bazoo shut!

We will handle it from here.

Just please keep your hands

Off the buzzer.

Host: and we're back.

The score is tied at all.

The team that answers the next question correctly

Wins the match.

In the category of chemistry,

Name any of the noble gases.

Seconds.

......

--Belleview?

Uh...helium, neon, and xenon!

That is correct!

[Audience cheers]

We won!

You're brilliant!

Yeah...

Come here.

Drake, what--?

Michelle, I gotta tell you something.

What?

I'm not as brainy as you think I am.

But you just-- trust me.

I don't know who mark twain is,

And I hate foreign films.

The only reason I knew the names of those gases

Is 'cause my brother taught me

In an all-night study session.

You studied all night for the academic bowl?

No, I did it to impress you.

Drake, I don't care what kind of grades you get.

I like you.

Yeah?

How much?

You tell me.

Drake, I'm really sorry.josh, I'm really sorry.

No, no.

I went kind of crazy back there.

You had every right to go crazy, man.

I never should have made you cheat for me.

Ok. It was your fault.

But I accept your apology.

Kiwi? Up high.

You know what? Since you are such an awesome brother,

I'm gonna help you get back at megan.

Serious? Totally.

When she least expects it, we're gonna strike.

Cool! Thanks.

Hey, you want to go play some gamesphere?

Sure!

Megan!

Megan!

Italian new-wave cinema has always reminded me

Of the imagery you see in early kurosawa films, because...

[Thinking] wow. She's really smart.

And so hot.

Wait--she might notice I'm not listening.

Better act like I am.

I'll nod. Yeah!

Whew! That was close.

Boys can't be handsome and smart!

What?

I love you!

Eric!

Eric!

Mmm!