03x10 - Girl Power

[bunniefuu]

Josh: ok. In my whole life,

I've only had one real

Girlfriend.

Drake: in my entire life,

I've only had, like...

Girlfriends.

Josh: but the one thing I've

Already learned about dating...

Drake: and the one thing I've

Learned from all that dating...

Josh: you have to let the girl

Know...

Drake: you gotta make sure the

Girl understands...

Both: the guy's in charge.

Drake: like right now, I'm

Dating this girl lucy...

Josh: you know my girlfriend

Mindy...

Drake: and last night, she

Starts yelling at me just 'cause

I happened to stare at this

Other hot girl who walked by.

Josh: well, yesterday, mindy

Gets all up on my case just

'Cause I showed up minutes

Late to pick her up.

Drake: she yelled at me.

I yelled at her.

Josh: then we got in this big

Argument.

Drake: and finally, I just said,

"I'm outta here."

Josh: and I haven't talked to

Her since.

Drake: you know, sometimes you

Just gotta let a girl know who's

In charge.

Josh: and when she calls, she

Better be ready to do some

Serious apologizing.

[Both cell phones ring]

Drake: and there's lucy now.

Josh: hello? Oh, hey, mindy.

Drake: I'm really sorry.

Josh: [weeping] it was all my

Fault! I should have been more

Punctual. Yes. Yes, I need to

Punctual. Yes. Yes, I need to improve, and I promise I will.

Improve, and I promise I will.

Drake: josh! Josh! Hurry! Hurry!

There's smoke in theater !

There's smoke in theater ! Josh: smoke?!

Josh: smoke?!

Josh: all right! All right!

Josh: all right! All right! Out of my way!

Out of my way!

Josh: you disappoint me.

Why would you lie about smoke in

A movie theater?

Drake: I didn't lie. There was

An old man on the screen smoking

A pipe. I think that sends teens

A bad message.

Mindy: hey, josh.

Josh: hey, mindy.

Mindy: drake.

Drake: creature.

Mindy: "d" average.

Drake: d-plus!

Mindy: so, josh, can I talk to

You for a second?

Josh: sure. What's up?

Mindy: well, we've been dating

For a couple months now.

Josh: [weeping] you're breaking

Up with me?! Why?! What did I

Do?!

Mindy: nothing.

Josh: I can't help it! I sweat!

Mindy: I like your sweat.

Look, all I was gonna say was I

Want you to have dinner at my

House with me and my parents.

Josh: oh. How come?

Mindy: well, they just feel like

They should get to know you

Better, that's all. You worried?

Josh: nah. No. No worries.

Look, parents love me.

Mindy: well, look, just keep in

Mind my parents are kinda

Strict.

Josh: no problem.

Mindy: and they're not very

Fun...or friendly...or nice.

In fact--

Josh: it'll be fine.

Mindy: I hope so.

Josh: trust me. Look, no kid is

Smoother with adults than me.

Helen: josh!

Josh: what?!

Helen: where are the candy

Receipts? I can't find 'em!

Josh: would you let me--

Helen: you think I'm some kind

Of fool?!

Josh: of course not--

Helen: don't you shout at me!

Hush! You have upset me in ways

I can't even understand, boy!

Mindy: smooth.

♪ I never thought

That it'd be so simple,

But I found a way,

I found a way,

If you open up your mind,

See what's inside,

It's gonna take some time

To realize,

But if you look inside,

I'm sure you'll find

Over your shoulder

You know that I told you

I'd always be picking you up

When you're down,

So just turn around,

So just turn around, ohhhhh ♪

Ohhhhh ♪

Lucy: youare a great kisser.

Drake: youare correct.

Lucy: I'll get us a table.

Drake: I'll get us some drinks.

Hey, josh. One diet mountain

Fizz, one regular.

Josh: coming up.

So? You and lucy?

Drake: yeah. I'm really liking

Her, you know? She might even be

The one.

Josh: the one you date for more

Than weeks?

Josh: yep. She could be a

"Monther." Sodas?

Josh: that'll be bucks.

Drake: aww. You're so cute.

Your beverage.

Lucy: thanks. Want a french fry?

Drake: where did you get that?

Lucy: one of those idiot jocks

Over there threw it and hit me

In the head.

Drake: those guys?

Lucy: yeah, but don't worry

About it.

Drake: I'll handle this.

Lucy: drake, don't. Those guys

Are pretty big.

Drake: yeah, I know.

Hey, josh!

Josh: what's up?

Drake: those guys are being all

Obnoxious and throwing french

Fries.

[Guys laughing]

Josh: not on my watch.

Hey!

Lucy: so, tell me, when you

Write a song, what comes first,

The music or the lyrics?

Drake: well, it depends. You

Know, sometimes I'll just be in

My room playing guitar...

What happened?

Josh: will you please remove the

Bucket from my head and untie my

Hands?

Lucy: those guys did that to

You?

Josh: yes. I think the big one

Stuffed something down my pants.

It's a corn dog.

Drake: wait here.

Lucy: drake, please don't do

This.

Drake: hey! You're the big tough

Guy who put a corn dog down my

Brother's pants?

Boy: maybe.

Second boy: or maybe I did.

Drake: yeah? Well, look,

You can't just--

You can't just-- josh: drake!

Josh: drake!

Lucy: are you ok?

Drake: yeah, yeah. I'm cool.

Boy: hey! I'm not done with you.

Helen: I beg to differ.

Now, you and your little hoodlum

Friends get out of my movie

Theater before I pop you like a

Zit! Move it!

Josh: wow. Lucy, where did you

Learn to fight like that?

Lucy: I grew up with older

Brothers, and it was either

Learn how to fight or get held

Down and burped on.

Helen: I'll tell you what.

Breaks my heart to see today's

Adolescents misbehaving like

That. Mm-hmm. Mmm.

Josh: um...

Helen, that, uh...

That corn dog?

Helen: hmm?

Helen: hmm? Josh: nothing.

Josh: nothing.

Josh: "well, mrs. Crenshaw,

Josh: "well, mrs. Crenshaw, what a lovely house you have."

What a lovely house you have."

Megan: what up with the tie?

Josh: I'm just getting ready for

My big dinner with mindy's

Parents tonight.

Megan: oh, yeah? You nervous?

What if they think you're a

Boob? I do.

Josh: oh, do ya? Look, parents

Love me, so I will not be

Nervous.

Megan: really? 'Cause most

People I know put their

Underwear on beforetheir pants.

Later.

Drake: what are you doing in

Here?

Megan: be quiet.

Drake: hey, josh. Can I borrow

Your...

[Chuckles]

Should I ask?

Josh: I'm just a little nervous

About my dinner with mindy's

Parents tonight.

Drake: and it calms you down to

Wear your underwear like that?

Josh: what are you doing here

Anyway? I thought you had a date

With lucy?

Drake: yeah, I cancelled it.

I think I'm gonna break up with

Her.

Josh: why?

Drake: I don't want a girlfriend

Who's tougher than me.

Josh: drake, that football

Player shoved you when you

Weren't even looking, ok?

Lucy is not tougher than you.

Drake: yeah, I guess he did

Kinda catch me off guard.

Josh: yeah, totally. And plus,

Lucy is a really great girl,

And she's totally cute. So I

Want you to call her back right

Now and ask her out tonight,

All right?

Drake: ok, I will.

Josh: all right. Cool.

And I am going to go show

Mindy's parents that I am the

Perfect boyfriend. Later.

Drake: josh!

Drake: josh! Josh: I know.

Josh: I know.

Josh: wow. Fancy dining room.

Mindy: thanks. Now, remember,

My parents can be a little

Uptight.

Josh: mindy, they're your

Parents, so I think they're

Awesome.

Mrs. Crenshaw: shoes off in the

House!

Josh: yes, ma'am!

Mindy: uh, mom, dad, you know...

Mindy: uh, mom, dad, you know... Josh.

Josh.

Josh: uh--uh--mr. Crenshaw,

Good to see you, sir.

Mr. Crenshaw: nice to see you,

Josh.

You're hurting my hand.

Josh: sorry. My fault.

Mr. Crenshaw: clearly.

Mindy: uh, josh, you mentioned

You brought some presents?

Josh: uh, yes, I did. Um...

Chocolates for the gentleman,

And daisies for the lovely lady.

Mr. Crenshaw: I'm diabetic.

Mrs. Crenshaw: I'm allergic to

Daisies.

Josh: didn't see that coming.

How about that?

Mrs. Crenshaw: chocolate gives

Me a rash.

Mr. Crenshaw: in czechoslovakia,

The daisy is know as "the flower

Of death."

Of death." Mindy: so, who's hungry?

Mindy: so, who's hungry?

Drake: you know what I love

About you?

Lucy: what do you love about me?

Drake: you're always in a great

Mood. Man, I can't believe I

Even thought about dumping you.

Lucy: huh?

Drake: oh, oh, nothing. It's

Stupid.

Lucy: no, tell me.

Drake: well, it's just, you

Know...ok, to be totally honest,

I got kind of freaked out about

The other night.

Lucy: what, the thing with the

Football player?

Drake: yeah, you know, I was

Thinking, "how can I date a girl

Who's tougher than me?" But josh

Told me I was just being dumb.

Lucy: yeah. So now you're cool

With it?

Drake: cool with what?

Lucy: dating a girl that's

Tougher than you.

Drake: whoa, whoa, whoa. Ok, you

Are not tougher than me. That

Football player just caught me

Off guard.

Lucy: ha ha! Ok. Whatever you

Say.

Drake: you think you're tougher

Than me.

Than me. Lucy: kinda.

Lucy: kinda.

Mrs. Crenshaw: dinner is served.

If everyone will please take a

Seat.

Josh: ok.

You're gonna sit there. Mindy,

After you.

No surprise there.

Well, mrs. Crenshaw, this

Certainly is a lovely dinner

That you prepared.

Mrs. Crenshaw: that flickering

Bulb is giving me a headache.

Josh: that? Well, it's probably

Just loose. I could fix it.

Mindy: josh, please don't.

Josh: oh, no, it's no big deal.

I'm not wearing any shoes. It'll

Just take a sec.

Mindy: please don't let him

Fall, please don't let him fall,

Please don't let him fall.

Josh: and there we go. Ah, now,

Josh: and there we go. Ah, now, who would like some chicken?

Who would like some chicken?

Drake: ok, that's it! It's a

Tie!

Lucy: no way! You just quit

Because you know I'm tougher

Than you.

Drake: [scoffs] I know nothing.

Wait a second.

Lucy: look, there is only one

Way to settle this.

Drake: oh, yeah? And how's that?

Lucy: you and I are gonna fight.

Drake: what?

Lucy: you heard me.

Drake: I'm not gonna fight a

Girl.

Lucy: oh, come on! What century

Do you think this is? Girls

Happen to be in the army, girls

Happen to be police officers,

And this girl happens to be able

To kick your butt.

Drake: ok, whatever.

Lucy: you're afraid to fight me.

Drake: I am not.

Lucy: chicken. [Clucking]

Drake: you're insane, you know

That?

Lucy: we got a chicken in the

House! Chicken in the house!

Drake: I am not gonna hit a

Girl.

Lucy: fine. Then we'll wrestle.

No hitting. Whichever one of us

Pins the other one's shoulders

Down for seconds wins.

Drake: ok, it's on.

Lucy: yeah, it is.

Drake: saturday night, my house.

Lucy: see you there.

Drake: I just made a date to

Fight my girlfriend.

Fight my girlfriend. [Woman laughing]

[Woman laughing]

Drake: whoa, what's this?

Josh: just getting ready for my

Big din--whhrrr! Drake,

Wh-wh-what are you doing here?

You're never home saturday

Night.

Drake: I told you. Tonight's my

Big fight with lucy.

Josh: no, no, no, no, no, no.

You never said that. Never said

That! You never said you were

Gonna be home saturday.

Drake: well, I am. Ooh, olives.

Josh: paws off my olives!

Drake: well.

Josh: drake, you know how hard

It was for me to convince

Mindy's parents to come here and

Have dinner, all right? This is

My last chance to impress them,

And if I don't, they're not

Gonna let me date mindy anymore.

Drake: so? She's icky.

Josh: she is not icky. She is my

Girlfriend and I like her!

Drake: I can't have one olive?

Josh: leave the house. Ok? Leave

The house. Everything has to go

Perfect tonight, and I can't

Have you running around here

Drake-ing up the place.

Drake: ok, well, the fight's

Upstairs and your dinner's

Downstairs. Problem solved.

[Doorbell rings]

Josh: they're here.

Lucy: drake?

Drake: it's just lucy. Calm

Down.

Hey, you look cute in your fight

Outfit.

Lucy: uh-uh. No kissing until

After I win the fight. Oh, hey,

Josh.

Josh: hey, how are you? Get

Upstairs! And don't come down

Until the crenshaws leave!

[Doorbell rings]

Oh, they're here! All right, all

Right. Play that thing!

[Woman plays harp]

Hey, mindy, mr. And mrs.

Crenshaw. Please come in.

Drake: ok, so I've moved most of

The furniture out of the way, so

We have plenty of room to--whoa!

Megan, why are you here?

Megan: we're here to watch the

Fight.

Boy: yeah.

Megan: look, I brought an

Official bell.

[Rings bell]

Drake: nice. You can ring it as

You're leaving. Now get out.

Megan: you can't throw us out. I

Charged these people bucks

Admission.

Drake: I want half the money.

Megan: I expected that.

Drake: ok, fine, but you kids

Stay on the bed.

Boy: you charged us bucks

Each.

Megan: shh.

Megan: shh. [Harp playing]

[Harp playing]

Mr. Crenshaw: josh, this is

Quite an impressive dinner. The

Food, the ice sculpture, the

Elderly harpist.

Mrs. Crenshaw: did you do all

This just for us?

Josh: sure. Yeah. I just feel

That if mindy's my girlfriend,

Then her parents deserve the

Best.

Mindy: ohh, is he the sweetest?

Josh: ah-ah-ah-ah. You know how

I feel about pre-marital

Kissing.

Kissing. [Harpist snoring]

[Harpist snoring]

Josh: um...ha-ha-have you two

Josh: um...ha-ha-have you two seen our front door?

Seen our front door?

Seen our front door? [Begins playing harp]

[Begins playing harp]

Lucy: ok, boyfriend, you ready

To learn that some girls are

Tougher than some guys?

Drake: yeah, I think one of us

Is about to learn something the

Hard way.

Lucy: aw, if only you were as

Tough as you are cute.

Drake: sure you want to do this?

Lucy: ring the bell.

Megan: round one.

Boy: do it!

[Bell rings]

Lucy: it's on.

[Kids cheering]

Come on. Come and get me.

Drake: ok, but if anytime during

This fight you feel any pain,

Just yell uncle and I'll--

Lucy: whoops.

Drake: not bad.

Lucy: well, there's a lot more--

Lucy: well, there's a lot more-- [cheering]

[Cheering]

Megan: how great is this?

Boy: yeah. So worth bucks.

Boy: yeah. So worth bucks. Drake: you said it was .

Drake: you said it was .

Mr. Crenshaw: josh, I must

Confess, perhaps mrs. Crenshaw

And I misjudged you. After

Seeing your parents' lovely home

Here...

Mrs. Crenshaw: and this elegant

Dinner you've prepared, well,

It's clear to us that you come

From a fine family.

Mr. Crenshaw: which makes us

Feel a lot better about you and

Mindy dating and--

[Crash]

What was that?

What was that? [Cheering]

[Cheering]

Lucy: uhh!

[Thud]

Girl: you got him pinned!

Kids: , --

Kids: , -- [cheering]

[Cheering]

[Cheering] boy: drake, watch it!

Boy: drake, watch it!

Megan: whoa!

[Crash]

They're rolling down the stairs!

Boy: let's go!

[Kids shouting]

Mindy: josh!

Mindy: josh! Josh: drake! Lucy! Megan!

Josh: drake! Lucy! Megan!

Josh: drake! Lucy! Megan! Ahh!

Ahh!

All right! All right! All right!

It's a draw!

Mr. Crenshaw: josh, who are

These people?

Josh: uh, this is my brother

Drake. Drake, this is--

Mrs. Crenshaw: he's your

Brother?

Mr. Crenshaw: I knew it. I knew

These were not the kind of

People our daughter should be

Associating with. Mindy, we're

Going.

Mindy: dad, mom, wait.

Josh: you see what you do? One

Night, one night I ask you to

Help me and you ruin it.

Drake: josh--

Josh: I told you how important

This was to me. I told you that

This was my last chance to

Impress mindy's parents. I--i

Spent, like, days working on

This dinner and I spent, like,

Bucks on a dumb harpist, who

At this point should stop

Playing!

[Stops playing]

And I don't even care what you

Think of mindy, all right?

Because she is the best thing

That has ever happened to me,

And I can't date her anymore

Because you wrecked it. You

Wrecked my dinner, you wrecked

My $ ice sculpture, and you

Wrecked my relationship!

Drake: you spent $ on ice?

Josh: rrrr!

Lucy: guys, stop it!

Mr. Crenshaw: listen, josh, I

Think...

That you and mindy should

Continue dating.

Josh: for real?

Mindy: why'd you change your

Mind?

Mrs. Crenshaw: because any young

Man who cares that much about

Our mindy...i think you

Understand.

Josh: thank you so much, mr. And

Mrs. Crenshaw.

Mr. Crenshaw: just one thing.

Josh: yes, sir?

Mr. Crenshaw: what were you two

Fighting about?

Lucy: see, I challenged him to a

Wrestling match because he

Didn't believe that I was

Tougher than him.

Mr. Crenshaw: well, of course

You're not. Ha ha!

Lucy: huh?

Mr. Crenshaw: physically, boys

Are genetically superior to

Girls.

Drake: ahh, thank you.

Mrs. Crenshaw: oh, paul, you

Sound like an idiot.

Mindy: you tell him, mom.

Mrs. Crenshaw: fighting has to

Do with skill, not male versus

Female genetics.

Mr. Crenshaw: oh, don't be

Absurd. Men are tougher than

Women.

Mrs. Crenshaw: oh, I've had

Steaks tougher than you.

Megan: well, I guess there's

Only one way to settle this.

Boy: fight!

[Bell rings]

[Cheering]

Mrs. Crenshaw: alden, why don't

You offer josh some chicken?

Josh: thank you.

Alden: that's my piece!

Josh: ok, here.

Alden: I don't want it after you

Put your fork in it!

Josh: oh, ok, how about this

One?

Alden: I don't like the breast!

Josh: well, who knew?!

Alden: now I don't want to eat

Alden: now I don't want to eat anything! He ruined my dinner!