[cr*ck]
You know what makes me feel
Good? Volunteering to help
People.
You know what's fun? Instant
Messaging girls at once.
Like one time, I made drake
Come with me to volunteer at
This home for the elderly.
But it was notfun when josh
Brought me to some old folks'
Home to help out.
We met this couple who was in
Their late eighties, murray and
Francine boshwit.
Which is where I got to meet
Murray and francine boshwit.
Mrs. Boshwit tried to cut
Drake's hair, 'cause she thought
He was a hippie.
Next thing I know, she's
Comin' at me with scissors
Yellin', "hold still, hippie!"
And then mr. Boshwit starts
Telling us these stories.
Then her husband starts
Yappin' about the old days.
Which wouldn't have been so
Bad, except that he was eating
Meatloaf while he talked.
And the whole time he's
Talkin', he's scarfin' down
Meatloaf.
It was kind of like...
Imagine this.
Imagine this. [Mumbling]
[Mumbling]
[Mumbling] you give me on
Good reason why they should have
Canceled bonanza.
Anyway, I went back to that
Old folks' home a bunch of
Times.
I never went back there
Again.
'Cause I really like cheering
Up old people.
'Cause instant messaging
Girls is way more fun that
Having mr. Boshwit spit meatloaf
Having mr. Boshwit spit meatloaf on your face.
On your face.
[cr*ck]
[Bell rings]
Oh, jeez! Taylor, have
You seen drake? Hey.
What's up?!
Have you seen drake?!
No, sorry. Oh, hey, did that
No, sorry. Oh, hey, did that ointment make your rash go away?
Ointment make your rash go away?
A little louder. I don't
Think they heard you in
Australia!
What do you need drake for so
Bad?
I don't. Mrs. Hayfer already
Hates him. If he's late one more
Time, she's gonna be really
Mad--
Good morning, adolescents.
Please take your seats. Taylor,
Take off your headphones or I
Take off your headphones or I will sell them on the internet.
Will sell them on the internet.
Oh. We have an empty seat. Who's
Not here?
Mrs. Hayfer, the lunch
Ladies are fighting again.
What is it about sloppy joe
Day that makes those women so
Violent? Helga?! Helga?
So what are the lunch ladies
Fighting about?
They're not fighting.
Then why did you tell mrs.
Hayfer that they were fighting?
Thank you, becca.
Of course.
And how could I ever repay
You?
You? I think you can guess.
I think you can guess.
Let me know if you need more
Help.
Let me know if you need any
Let me know if you need any more drake.
More drake.
Oh, and, uh, josh, you left your
Ointment at home.
Is nothing personal?
Well, the lunch ladies were
Not fighting and I don't know
Not fighting and I don't know why those girls called me--
Why those girls called me--
Drake parker. Were you here when
I left?
Oh, yeah, totally, you
Probably didn't see me because I
Had my face buried in this book.
Are you lying to me, drake?
Would I lie to you?
Let me think. Yes. But I know
Someone who never lies. Josh,
Was drake on time to my class
Today?
Ha ha. Um...you know, like,
What is timewhen you think
About it? Because, you know,
Einstein theorized that time is
Actually kind of--
Josh.
No, he wasn't here on time.
Josh!
He told that girl to come in
Here and trick you into leaving
So he could sneak into class.
I'm sorry, but I can't lie
And if you m*rder me
In my sleep tonight, I'd
Appreciate you doing it in away
That's not painful. Is that too
That's not painful. Is that too much to ask?
Much to ask?
♪ I never thought
That it'd be so simple,
But I found a way,
I found a way,
If you open up your mind,
See what's inside,
It's gonna take some time
To realize,
But if you look inside,
I'm sure you'll find
Over your shoulder
You know that I told you
I'd always be picking you up
When you're down,
So just turn around,
Ohhhhh ♪
[Bell rings]
See you tomorrow, class.
Ok. How many days of
Detention are you gonna give me?
None.
None?
She said none?
I heard the none.
I'm putting you in remedial
English.
Aah!
What's the matter, drake?
Did you not enjoy your last
Experience in remedial english
Class?
[Shouting]
Would someone like to come to
The board and diagram that
Sentence? And perhaps untie me.
Stop talking!
[Grrr]
Oh, I don't think you're
Allowed to have dogs at school.
You leave cuddles alone!
[Woof woof woof]
I hear you kiss good.
Oh, no, not really.
You're our new boyfriend.
I get to kiss him first!
No, I do!
No, you don't!
Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow.
Kiss me!
Save me, cuddles! Aah!
Ok, you cannot put me back in
Remedial english.
Well, there is one other
Option.
What other option?
I could give you a little
Sibling.
Sibling. A baby pig?
A baby pig?
A sibling is a brother or
Sister.
Yes. My husband jerold is a
Sponsor for the little sibling
Foundation.
I'm almost sure siblings are
Baby pigs.
Baby pigs. Well, they're not!
Well, they're not!
Little siblings is an
Organization that matches up
Underprivileged kids with an
Older brother or sister.
So you're gonna punish me by
Making me baby-sit some kid?
I'm hoping that it will teach
You to be responsible. It's your
Choice, drake. You can either
Get a little sibling or you can
Go back to remedial english
Class. Which will it be?
Class. Which will it be? I'll take the baby pig.
I'll take the baby pig.
I'll take the baby pig. [Doorbell rings]
[Doorbell rings]
Hi. Are you drake?
That's me.
I'm jerold hayfer. My wife is
Your english teacher.
Right.
She hates you.
I know.
Well, this is sammy. Try not
To screw him up. Later.
To screw him up. Later. [Alarm beeps]
[Alarm beeps]
So?
So...when are you getting
Picked up?
I just got here.
Uh, right. Well, I got some
Stuff here for you to play with.
Here. Check it out.
Ok.
Remote control car.
Cool. It's missing two
Wheels.
Yeah. Uh, and here's a paddle
Thingy and some coloring books
And a calculator and...tinfoil.
Have fun.
Wait. What are you gonna do?
Watch tv.
Well, can't we do something
Together?
Ugh! Like what?
You can help me with my
Homework.
Yeah, I don't even do my own
Homework.
But I need help with
Fractions.
[Sighs] all right. Let's take
A look at your homework.
Cool. Ok. This week we're
Learning about least common
Denominators.
[Cell phone ringing]
Like if I want to add / and
/, I'm supposed to multiply
The denominators--
Oh. I gotta take this. Hey,
Carmella, how's it goin'? Oh,
Carmella, how's it goin'? Oh, you do? Ohh, you do?
You do? Ohh, you do?
You do? Ohh, you do? No, I'm not busy.
No, I'm not busy.
Yeah, I'd love to hear about
Your dream.
Uh, hello. I still exist.
Uh-huh. Oh, so you were
Captured by pirates. Oh, by
Alien pirates. They were all
Named drake? Interesting.
Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Talk a
Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah. Talk a little slower. Really?
Little slower. Really?
Now, I pour the milk into my
Magic newspaper and say the
Magic word.
Ooh, can I say it?
Sure. Say sammy kaazam.
Sammy kaazam!
And...ta-da!
There you are. What are you
Doin' up here?
Hangin' with josh.
What are you doin'?
Making milk disappear.
Dude, sammy's supposed to be
Hangin' out with me. You want
Hayfer to stick me back in
Remedial english with that
Vicious dog and the love-starved
Bartlebee sisters?
Sorry! He just wandered up
Here with some tinfoil looking
All bored.
He wasn't bored. Come on,
Sammy, let's go have some fun.
I'm having fun here.
I'm having fun here. No, you're not. Come with me.
No, you're not. Come with me.
No, you're not. Come with me. [Dripping]
[Dripping]
Ok, see those girls?
Yeah.
Ok, I say , and then
/. You agree?
No. They're way older than
That.
Sammy, we're rating them on
Their hotness.
Well, I'm bored. I'm gonna go
Get a drink.
Get a drink. Ooh, get me one.
Ooh, get me one.
Hey, what's up, sammy?
Josh! What are you doin'
Here?
I'm just getting ready for my
Shift.
You work here? That's so
Cool!
Thanks. Hey, you want to go
Check out the candy counter?
Uh, yeah!
Come on. I'll give you the
Full tour.
Awesome!
Go right over there. Now,
Here we have the candy, e.g.,
Mega b*mb bars, flutter-nutter,
Sugar noogie. Come 'round here.
Come on. Now, right over here,
We have the popcorn machine and
Livin' right next to it, we got
The imitation butter dispenser.
You know, for all your synthetic
Buttery needs. And right over
Here, we've got a personal
Favorite of mine...the hose of
Many sodas.
Sammy, what are you doin'?
I'm thirsty here. Oh, and guess
Who just walked in? Nines and
A ten.
Who cares about girls?
Aah! Sammy, don't eversay
That. Come on. We got a lot to
Do.
No. I want to stay here with
Josh.
What?
I want himto be my big
Sibling.
Ahem! Mrs. Hayfer. [Coughing]
Very, very interesting.
Mrs. Hayfer, what are you
Doing out in...public?
Apparently watching you fail
Miserably. Josh, would you take
Sammy to the nurse for a moment?
There's no nurse here.
To the nurse!
To the nurse! Come on, sammy!
Come on, sammy!
Mrs. Hayfer, I can explain.
Drake, we had a deal. You
Stay out of remedial english as
Long as you're sammy's big
Sibling, but if sammy prefers
Josh, well, I think we know what
Josh, well, I think we know what will happen to you.
Will happen to you.
[Shouting and barking]
Aah!
[Woof woof woof]
Won't someone please call the
Police?!
[Woof woof woof]
Ok, ok. Just give me one
Day, and I promise sammy will
Love me.
Make sure it happens. Oh,
And, drake, guess what.
What?
I hate you.
I hate you. I know.
I know.
Now to make chicken pie-yard,
You must first pound your
Chicken with a mallet.
Your mallet, chef josh.
Why, thank you, chef sammy.
Why, thank you, chef sammy. Now, pound it!
Now, pound it!
Megan. You just walked
Through the sh*t.
What are you talking about?
We're pretending to be tv
Chefs.
With our own cooking show.
What's it called, the iron
Boob?
That's it! Off the set!
Whatever.
Now chef sammy will show us
Our finished product.
Chicken pie-yard for .
Mmm! Pie-yardy.
Man, you're so much fun!
Yeah? You, too, buddy.
No, I mean it. You're, like,
The coolest guy ever!
Seriously?
Yeah!
Well, that's a first.
What do you mean?
You know, with drake being my
Brother, people usually think
He's the cool guy, so it's
Kinda nice having someone think
It's the other way around for
Once.
[Footsteps running down stairs]
Josh! Hey, sammy. I got to
Talk to you.
All right, listen, josh, you
Gotta help me. I'm in big
Trouble.
Whose girlfriend did you hit
On now?
I'm talkin' about sammy.
Sammy has a girlfriend?
Focus!
Focus! Ow!
Ow!
Ow! Ow!
Ow!
Time out! Now, listen, if
Sammy doesn't want me to be his
Big sibling, then mrs. Hayfer's
Gonna send me straight back to
Remedial english. And I will not
Make out with the bartlebee
Sisters. I just won't do it.
What do you want me to do?
Here's the plan. You be mean
To sammy.
What?
Well, come on. If sammy
Hates you, then he'll just come
Running straight back to me.
What kind of twisted person
Are you?
Does it matter what kind?
Don't you care about me?
Somewhat.
Well, then be a good person.
Go in there and make that little
Boy cry.
I will not!
Ok, fine, you little sibling
Stealer. We'll just see who
Sammy wants to hang out with.
Fine. I've got a cooking show
To go finish.
Oh, yeah? What's it called,
The iron boob?
The iron boob? My joke.
My joke.
All right, sammy, you ready?
Ready!
Ready! Ok.
Ok.
And your answer is...
Mocha cola.
Correct! All right. Round
Correct! All right. Round two.
Two.
Mountain fizz.
Correct! All right, lightning
Correct! All right, lightning round.
Round.
Um...root beer, ginger ale,
Diet mocha cola!
Ding ding ding ding ding!
Correct! Congratulations! You,
My friend, have just won
Yourself an all-expense paid
Yourself an all-expense paid trip to puerto vallarta!
Trip to puerto vallarta!
Whoa!
What's goin' on?
Hey, sammy, you like my
Machine?
Sure!
Well. Come hop up.
Whoa! This rocks!
That's right. Enjoy the
That's right. Enjoy the vehicle.
Vehicle.
You must be pretty proud of
Yourself.
Yeah. Cool four-wheeler, huh?
I borrowed it from trevor. Sammy
Loves it.
I can't believe this. What,
You think you can buy him back
With this green thing?
Probably. But just in case, I
Also have two tickets to the
Sold-out blaine darvey magical
Extravaganza.
Ooh ahh!
Wow! Do I get to go?
Yep, and then afterwards, I
Thought we'd go to the
All-you-can-eat buffet at the
Jen & berry's ice cream
Emporium.
Oh, my god!
Yeah. I'd ask you to come,
Josh, but I know you have to
Work here in this boring old
Work here in this boring old movie theater. See ya.
Movie theater. See ya.
Wow!
Hey, who's the cool guy on
The four-wheeler?
The four-wheeler? Mmmah!
Mmmah!
And now chef sammy will show
Us the finished product.
Chicken pie-yard for .
Mmm! Pie-yardy!
Ha ha! Man, you're so much
Fun!
Yeah?
Hey, josh.
Hi.
Hey, man, I'm really sorry I
Had to take sammy away from you,
But I could not deal with
Remedial english.
Whatever. It's cool. I'm
Goin' over to mindy's.
Oh, come on. You're mad at
Me.
No, I'm not. Sammy doesn't
Mean anything to me. He's just
Mean anything to me. He's just some kid. I don't even care.
Some kid. I don't even care.
Man, you're so much fun!
You, too.
No, I mean it. You're, like,
The coolest guy ever!
Seriously?
Yeah.
Well, that's a first.
What do you mean?
You know, drake being my
Brother, people usually think
He's the cool guy. So it's kinda
Nice havin' someone think it's
The other way around for once.
The other way around for once. Thanks, sammy.
Thanks, sammy.
[Doorbell rings]
Thanks for the ride, mr.
Hayfer!
Hi, sammy.
Hey, megan. Where's drake?
Over here.
Hey, drake.
What's up, sammy?
You ready to go?
I can't. I'm really sick.
But we're supposed to go see
The blaine darvey magic show.
And then the ice cream buffet.
Sorry, buddy, I can't go.
But, hey, I don't think josh has
Plans. Why don't you see if
He'll take you?
Ok. Hey, josh! Josh!
Hey, what's up, sammy?
You busy?
No, I was just upstairs
Watching oprah.i mean football.
I love oprah!
Oh, my god! Is she great or
What? I thought you and drake
Were supposed to be at a magic
Show.
No, he's sick. You want to
Take me?
Yeah, sure. Yeah, love to.
Are you sure you're too sick to
Go?
I guess I could try.
Aah! No. Yeah, I got pancreas
Troubles.
You guys go have fun.
Will do. Come on, sammy,
Let's go.
You think blaine darvey will
Do the trick where he turns a
Sheep inside out?!
Sheep inside out?! If we're lucky!
If we're lucky!
Pancreas troubles?
Yeah, that's right.
You don't even know where
Your pancreas is.
Yes, I do. It's right...it's
Somewhere in the tummy area.
You're not sick.
All right, so I'm not sick.
So?
So what did you make it up
For?
I don't know. I just think
That being sammy's big sibling
Means a lot more to josh than it
Does to me.
So you faked pancreas trouble
To make josh feel good?
Yeah.
Yeah. You aresick.
You aresick.
And on the count of , I
Shall turn this ordinary sheep
Inside out!
[Baa]
One......!
[Aab aab aab]
Wow! Amazing!
Oh, my god!
Outstanding! You did it
Again, darvey!
I know!
I know! Was that cool or what?
Was that cool or what?
So I understand sammy wants
Josh to be his big sibling, not
You.
Yep, that's right.
Can't say that I blame him.
But you know what this means for
You, drake, don't you? Do you
You, drake, don't you? Do you know what it means?
Know what it means?
[Woof woof woof]
[Shouting]
Would someone please cut me
Down?
Pucker up, boyfriend.
Oh, I don't want to.
I get to kiss him first.
Ow. Ow, ow.
Uh, mr. Talbot, the principal
Wants to see drake right away.
Very well. Drake, you may go.
Very well. Drake, you may go. Yes, sir!
Yes, sir!
Why does the principal want
To see me?
He doesn't.
I love you.
I know.
I know. [Woof woof woof]
[Woof woof woof]
Hey, what if blaine darvey
And oprah ever did a show
Together?
Oh, don't tease me! Let's go!
Hey, you guys want to see the
Coolest magic trick ever?
No.
You people are dead inside.
[Baa]
Mmm!
Mmm! [Electric buzzing]
03x13 - Little Sibling
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Series follows two teenage stepbrothers Drake Parker and Josh Nichols as they live together despite opposite personalities.
Series follows two teenage stepbrothers Drake Parker and Josh Nichols as they live together despite opposite personalities.