04x05 - Who's Got Game

[bunniefuu]

[ Music ]

I'll tell you what?

[Laughter]

Hey, how are you doing?

[Laughter]

Drake just thinks

He's such hot stuff.

[Laughter]

Josh is a silly brother.

[Laughter]

But he always thinks

He can b*at me at everything.

So, guess what we bet today?

He bet me that he could paint

A picture of abraham lincoln

In a bikini

Before I could stack

Cans of tuna fish

Into a pyramid.

[Laughter]

That he could stack

Cans of tuna fish

Into a pyramid

Before I could paint a picture

Of abraham lincoln

Wearing a bikini.

Four cans to go.

[Laughter]

Oh, man.

Josh is probably

Almost finished.

Five seconds to pyramid.

[Laughter]

Whoops.

[Laughter]

My tuna.

[Laughter]

Ta-da.

[Laughter]

[ Music ]

Hey, josh.

[Laughter]

What's up, gavin?

Some hippie's washing

His feet in theater seven.

Helen wants him out.

So go get the hippie.

Can't.

Got to call my barber.

Why?

It's about my hair.

[Laughter]

So I go home

Thinking everything's fine.

Drake, drake, drake,

Drake, drake.

Hang on a second.

So, my foot's totally stuck

In there, right?

I'm freaking out.

The dog's having a seizure.

I still got half a pie left.

Come here.

[Laughter]

Dude, I'm in a middle

Of a story.

There's your story.

Whoa.

That's a healthy girl.

[Laughter]

How hot is she?

I'll let you know.

Wa-wa-wait.

[Laughter]

What are you doing?

I'm going

To go ask her out.

Well, maybe I want

To ask her out.

Come on man, look at her.

She's ridiculously hot.

Don't you think

She's a little more my speed?

[Laughter]

She could be my speed.

All right.

You know, you saw her first,

So I guess it's only fair that--

[Laughter]

How are you doing?

My name's drake.

I was just wondering

If maybe you guys--

Ahh, ooh.

[Laughter]

Hey, what's the haps?

I'm josh.

Just saying if maybe you wanted

To hang out sometime--

Stop it.

[Laughter]

I got the hippie.

[Laughter]

[ Music ]

* I never thought that

* It'd be so simple

* But I found a way

* I found a way

* If you open up your mind

* (See what's inside)

* So it's going to take

* Some time to realign

* But if you look inside

* I'm sure you'll find

* Over your shoulder

* You know that I told you

* I'll always be

* Picking you up

* When you're down

* So just turn around

[ Music ]

I can't believe you.

Dude, let it go.

You don't think

I can get girls?

You want a soda?

I'm not the same

Little goofy kid that moved in

With you three years ago.

I know.

Good.

You're taller.

[Laughter]

Look, I can get

Just as many girls as you can.

Well, yeah, maybe.

You know if I were in a coma.

[Laughter]

In a hospital

With no female nurses.

[Laughter]

Oh, really?

You want to bet?

A bet to see which one of us

Can get more girls?

Yeah, that's right.

Oh, okay. Yes.

I want to bet.

Megan.

What are you calling her for?

Oh, I want a witness to this.

Dude, just give up

Before you embarrass yourself.

Oh, no.

No, I never give up

Before I embarrass myself.

[Laughter]

What?

Drake and I are making a bet.

Oh, god.

[Laughter]

The bet is,

To see which one of us

Can date the most girls

In one week.

Me or drake.

[Laughter]

Stop laughing.

[Laughter]

Now, the rules are--

Each date must last

At least one hour

And you can't date any girl

You already know

And you can't date the same girl

More than once.

Now, do you understand

And accept these rules

As I've explained them to you?

This is your last chance

At backing out--

Do you understand

And accept these rules?

[Laughter]

Yes, it's a bet.

[Laughter]

Okay.

And if I win i--

We switch beds.

Whoa, no way.

I'm drake, okay?

I sleep in the cool bed.

[Laughter]

Afraid you're going to lose?

Okay, fine.

Fine, but if I win, then I get

Your perfect attendance trophy.

[Laughter]

Why would you want

My perfect attendance trophy?

Because if I have it,

Then you won't, and that--

Will destroy you.

[Laughter]

Oh you are a sick, sick, boy.

[Laughter]

Well, is it a bet or not?

It's on.

And one week starts--now.

You'll see.

I'll have five dates

Before I go to sleep tonight.

You'll see.

[Laughter]

[Shouting]

[Laughter]

He fell down the stairs.

Again.

Hey, thanks. I'll call you.

Will you come on?

[Laughter]

You're just mad

Because I got

That girl's phone number.

Eleven?

Oh man,

She forgot to write down

The rest of the number.

Yeah. Forgot.

[Laughter]

[ Music ]

Help you find something?

Oh no, I got--

[Laughs]

--No, I got it.

Sparks, nice.

Yes, I saw them live last week

At "the python."

No way, I was there.

Oh yeah, you were the guy

In the crowd listening.

Yeah, that was me.

I was kidding.

I know.

[Laughter]

Come on.

I'll ring you up.

Okay.

So, I was thinking like,

Maybe, you and me could go get

A burger or something.

[Laughter]

I'm a vegetarian.

That's cool,

Good for animals.

Good for colon.

[Laughter]

Let's see--"sparks,

Live from the black rock."

That'll be $.

[Laughter]

Whoa, that seems

A little high.

How about $,

And you come and listen to this

With me.

[Laughter]

Will there be snacks?

There will be snacks.

[Laughter]

Okay.

Okay.

How about some ice cream?

I'm lactose intolerant.

I don't believe you.

[Laughter]

Come on,

You got to eat something.

Hey, I'm talking to you,

Hey, slow down.

[ Music ]

It's still a little rough.

You know, I got to remix it

And stuff--

You wrote that song?

Uh-huh. You like it?

I love it, especially that

Chord progression at the end.

How'd that go?

You play guitar?

I know.

Wow, what else can you do?

I can put a cherry stem

In my mouth

And tie it in a knot.

[Laughter]

Oh, the ultimate test

Of a good kisser.

I'll race you.

Go.

[Laughter]

Huh.

Huh.

I was first.

Yeah, half a second.

Hmm, so I'm half

A second better kisser

Than you are.

[Laughter]

Well, prove it.

[Audience cheering]

Hmm, I can tie a knot

In a cherry stem.

The ultimate test

Of a good kisser.

[Laughter]

[Laughter]

Are you okay?

Did I hit you too hard?

No, no, it was just my spine.

[Laughter]

Hey, listen, you used to be

A girl.

Hey, thanks.

[Laughter]

No, I meant when you were

My age, what made you want

To go out with a guy?

Is this about that bet

You have with drake?

Megan told me.

Megan--

[Laughter]

Look, I really don't approve

Of you using girls

As points in a contest.

No, I just want to show drake

That he's not the only one

Who can get dates.

Okay. Let's go.

Where?

The premiere.

I'm going to give you some tips

On picking up girls.

[Laughter]

I don't know, I mean,

Having your mom teach you

How to pick up girls.

It's kind of pathetic.

You coming?

Yup.

[Laughter]

[ Music ]

So?

See any girls you like?

Yeah.

That one over there.

In the green sweater.

Okay.

Here's what you're going to do.

Go.

I want you to walk up to her.

Give her a complement.

Then just walk away.

Walk away?

Walk away.

But how am I going

To get her--

Do it.

Okay.

[Laughter]

Hello.

Hi.

I'm josh.

Whatever.

[Laughter]

Those are really cool shoes.

Thanks.

Later.

Hey, wait up.

Yup.

You just tell me

I have cool shoes

Then walk away?

Well, yeah, they're cool.

Why?

I don't know.

I mean, I thought

You were hitting on me.

No.

No, I just really

Like those shoes.

Oh.

Well, you want

To call me sometime?

Okay.

[Laughter]

Wow.

All seven digits.

Huh?

Nothing.

Nothing.

I will call you.

I'll call you.

All right.

[Laughter]

Okay, what are you?

Some kind of wizard?

[Laughter]

I just know how girls work.

See, if you're really nice

But you don't try

To ask them out,

They don't feel pressured,

Then they chase after you.

You are a wizard.

[Laughter]

Oh.

Cute blonde.

Purple purse.

Go get her, boy.

[Laughter]

Hey, hey.

We need to talk.

Dude, I was just

About to go over there.

Look, I want to call off

The bet.

Oh, do you?

[Laughter]

Yeah, yeah.

You know the girl I met

At spinners the other day?

Carly?

Look, I really like her.

Or maybe you're just afraid

You're going to lose.

Dude, I'm being serious,

All right?

We hung out all day yesterday,

Today, and tonight we're--

So?

So she's awesome.

And I just want to focus on her,

All right?

It's like I've never felt

This way before.

Sorry, bro,

But you made a bet, all right.

And the terms--

I know the terms, okay?

Whoever dates the most girls

In a week wins.

But I'm telling you--

The most girls?

Carly, hey.

I was just telling josh--

I'm just part of a bet?

No, carly.

And what number girl am i?

The th?

Fifteenth?

How many girls have you dated

This week?

I'm working on number two.

[Laughter]

Look, you don't understand.

Oh, I understand everything.

All that stuff you said

About me before was a lie.

Carly.

Leave me alone.

Remove.

I got a perm.

[ Music ]

[ Music ]

Can I talk to you?

Can I help you find a cd?

Seriously.

Ha.

Seriously.

I'm not familiar with that band.

Why don't you check

In the "s" section.

Please?

Look, I really like you.

And I really liked you

Till I found out I was just part

Of a bet.

Look, when I met you

I completely forgot about that.

Oh, come on.

You make a bet with your brother

To see who can date

The most girls in a week,

And then you ask me out.

I mean, I'm supposed to believe

That was just a coincidence?

You lied to me, drake.

No, I didn't lie.

You pretended to like me,

And it wasn't real.

And that makes you a liar.

Okay, I wasn't pretending.

Why are you so hung up on this?

Because I've dated guys

Who lie, and I am not

Going there again.

Okay, fine. Fine.

You want to see how honest I am?

I'll show you honesty.

You have bad taste in music.

[Laughter]

You, your head's shaped

Like a lemon.

[Laughter]

And you, you smell weird.

The city shut off my water.

[Laughter]

Okay.

That's not honesty.

That's just being rude

To people.

Well, you know it's all true.

Hey, hey, this is private

Lemonhead.

[Laughter]

Good-bye, drake.

[ Music ]

Man, I'm sitting here

All alone

And josh is probably out

On a big montage of dates.

[Laughter]

* Not makin' excuses

* I'm standin' tall

* And livin' loud

* Gettin' to know

* What's out there

* Racin' myself on a dare

* No doubts

* And if I suddenly crash

* I'll just look back

* And laugh

* It might all make sense

* In some day and a half

* Here I go again

* Believin' real things happen

* Skating on a dream

* Slamming into destiny

* Just when you think

* I won't make it past pretend

* Don't question it

* Here I go again

* It's my moment

* Every moment

* You can always count me in

* My forever

* Is right now, and

* I'm not ever giving in

* Oooh

* It isn't so confusing

* Don't wanna be anyone but me

* Getting to know

* What's inside

* Findin' myself

* Not my wannabe

* And if I suddenly crash

* I'll just look back

* And laugh

* Leave my troubles behind

* Like a day in the past

* Here I go again

* Believin' real things happen

* Skating on a dream

* Slamming into destiny

* Here I go again

* Believin' real things happen

* Skating on a dream

* Slamming into destiny

* Just when you think

* I won't make it past pretend

Listen, we don't feel

Comfortable doing this.

Are you guys my friends

Or not?

I don't know.

Are we?

[Laughter]

Because you didn't invite us

To your birthday party.

Well, did you invite me

To yours?

Yes.

Don't you remember?

You showed up, ate my fudge cake

And took a nap in my bed.

[Laughter]

Can we just do this?

Fine.

Just like we planned.

[ Music ]

[Laughter]

Oh, look, drake,

Someone dropped their wallet.

[Laughter]

A wallet, huh?

Yeah.

And it's full of cash.

Let's keep it.

Keep it?

No, we have to find out

Who this belongs to.

[Laughter]

Ah, let's see.

Ah, is there

A craig ramirez, here?

[Laughter]

I'm craig ramirez.

[Laughter]

Ah, well, here's your wallet,

Which you must have dropped.

But don't worry,

All of your money's in there.

Thanks, you're really honest.

[Laughter]

Oh, carly.

Hey, hey, when did you get here?

Okay, that was pathetic.

[Laughter]

What?

You really thought

You could trick me

Into thinking you're honest?

That's bad?

Yes.

You know, I don't think

You have the first clue

What honesty is.

Did you take

My mom's credit card?

[Laughter]

Can you help me

Get this gum out of my hair?

[Laughter]

No, I'm not touching

Your man perm.

[Laughter]

I told you,

I'm not supposed to leave work.

Just give me minutes.

Wait.

And after that,

If you still want me

To leave you alone, I swear

I will never bother you again.

Ten minutes.

Hey, everybody.

Could I have

Your attention please,

Over here, everyone.

Look, I know I haven't talked

To a lot of you in a while

And you're all

Probably wondering

Why you're here.

That's exactly

What we're wondering.

[Laughter]

Oh, it's so nice

To see you, mrs. Futch.

How's your cat?

Dead.

[Laughter]

Okay.

What are you doing?

This.

Okay.

Look, I have a few things

To tell you.

I haven't always been

Completely honest with you.

Oh, really.

Okay, okay, okay.

But the thing is,

Is I'm going to be

Completely honest from now on.

Right.

[Laughter]

So mr. Curtis--

My fifth grade science teacher.

[Laughter]

I was the one who put the bag

Of gerbils in the trunk

Of your car.

I knew it.

[Laughter]

And tammy--

Ex-girlfriend--

When I broke up with you,

It wasn't because I was moving

To switzerland, okay?

[Laughter]

I don't even know

Where switzerland is.

South of germany,

East of france.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

[Laughter]

Gavin, the guy who works here.

[Laughter]

I put the gum in your perm.

[Laughter]

Good one.

Craig and eric, nerds.

[Laughter]

Craig, it wasn't eric

Who told the rest of the school

You shower in your bathing suit.

[Laughter]

It was me.

I told you I didn't do it.

Come here.

Mrs. Futch, crazy lady

Who lives on my street.

[Laughter]

Okay, it was my fault

That my dad's car

Ran into your mailbox,

Not josh's.

Unbelievable.

[Laughter]

And now, josh.

Oh no.

My brother.

Look man,

I know we fight sometimes,

But you're my brother

And I love you.

And I use your toothbrush

Almost every morning.

[Laughter]

Yuck.

And omar--

Okay, I get the point.

You can be honest.

Look, and I'm not done.

Well, me, asking you out

I had nothing to do

With that bet, honestly.

All right, every moment

We spent together

Was completely real.

Look, I really like you,

All right?

Do you believe me?

All right, yeah,

You guys can go now.

Well, while you keep kissing

Your new girlfriend,

I'm going to go back home

And move my special pillow

Onto your bed.

What?

Well, I've had dates

This week, and I believe

You've only had one.

Okay, yeah,

I guess you get my bed.

All right, you win.

I win?

[Laughter]

I got more girls than drake.

Josh nichols is no longer

A caterpillar.

He is a beautiful butterfly.

[Laughter]

See you guys at home.

[Laughter]

I got it.

[ Music ]

[Snoring]

Man, I'm thirsty.

[Laughter]

Ow. Ow.

Want to switch back?

Please?

[Laughter]

Good night.

Good night.