04x15 - Megan's First Kiss

[bunniefuu]

I tell you.

My little sister, megan,

She's really

Starting to grow up.

Ah, little megan.

She's not a baby anymore.

I remember when she was just

Nine years old.

I remember

Back about four years ago.

The stunts she pulled

Were so childish.

Her pranks

Just used to be so simple.

Like the time

She rubbed my clean underwear

With bacon fat.

Like the time

She buttered the stairs,

You know,

So I'd slip and fall

And hurt myself.

Then she got a little older

And her pranks got more clever.

And then her pranks

Got more sophisticated.

Like when I was in a hot tub

And she put two baby sharks

In the water.

Like when she told the police

I buried josh in the backyard.

Ah, megan.

Oh, megan.

Yeah, that's right,

A manicure and a pedicure.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

It's not for my wife.

It's for me.

[Laughter]

Ma'am, i--you know,

Lots of men get--

Ma'am?

I can't get

This stupid jar open.

Just tap the lid

With a Kn*fe.

Thanks for the tip, dad.

Josh.

Josh.

Hey, watch out.

Oh.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Oh, man, you got

Broken glass in your arm.

It's not important right now.

Check out this new toy.

Clackers.

What are clackers?

The hottest toy

In the netherlands.

Watch the balls.

And now, rapid clacking.

I wanna try.

Here, here.

I got you a pair.

Sweet.

All right, ready?

Now do what I do.

Yeah.

And now, punch it.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

I love these.

I know.

Hey, let's go clack

In the living room.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, that'd be awesome.

Okay.

What don't I meet you by the--

Bye.

Who were you

On the phone with?

I wasn't on the phone.

Yeah, you were.

We saw you.

No, you didn't.

Yeah, we did.

We were standing right here.

Coming, mom.

Mom's not even home.

You're not home.

* I never thought

* That it'd be so simple

* But I found a way

* I found a way

* If you open up your mind

* It's gonna take some time

* To realize

* But if you look inside

* I'm sure you'll find

* Over your shoulder

* You know that I told you

* I always be picking you up

* When you're down

* So just turn around

* Ooh

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

What is that noise?

I can hear it all the way--

Are those clackers?

You've heard of them?

Yeah, I read online

They're the hottest toys

In the netherlands.

Yeah, it's true.

Could I play with them

For a while?

Sure, clack it up.

Thanks.

Hey, megan,

Wanna watch me clack?

No, walter.

Okay, stand here.

You here.

I hope that's not elastic

I'm measuring.

What are you--meg--

Hey, what are you doing?

What are you guys doing

On saturday night?

Going to a concert

At the mega-dome.

Why?

Because we bought tickets.

Not you.

Why do you wanna know

What we're doing saturday night?

I don't care

What you're doing.

But you just asked us.

Or maybe

You just asked yourself.

Yeah, think about that.

Okay, I wanna know

What her deal is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's up to something.

Yeah, first

She hangs up the phone,

Pretends to not be talking

To anybody.

Yeah,

And she measures our necks

And asks of our social plans.

Wait.

She said

We asked ourselves about that.

Really,

You're not a smart boy.

Whatever, all right?

All I know

Is when megan sneaks around

Badness is a-comin'.

A-comin'?

We need to find out

What's goin' on with her.

Yeah,

Well, we're gonna find out.

Oh, I hurt myself

In the face.

[Music]

[Bell ringing]

Which locker

Do you think is megan's?

Gee, I don't know.

Maybe it's the one

She's standin' in front of

And putting books into.

You know, sometimes

Your sarcasm hurts.

Okay.

Okay, let's see

If we can get close enough

To hear what she's talkin' about

With her friend.

Excuse me.

Shh.

Yeah, go away.

Yo, jerks, see this?

I'm the hall monitor.

Now, show me

Your visitors' passes.

We don't need

Any visitors' passes.

Yeah.

We happen to go

To this school.

You go to the upper school.

This is the lower school.

May I please see

Your visitors' passes?

We don't have any.

Then get out of my hall.

[Laughter]

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

He's gettin' all mad.

Oh, who's

An angry little hall monitor?

This guy.

Yeah.

You two

Just made the biggest mistake

Of your lives.

Oh.

All right, come on.

Let's see what megan's up to.

Roger that.

No way.

I swear.

When?

Saturday night.

And you're sure nobody knows?

Well, drake and josh

Almost heard me

When I was talkin' to him

On my cell,

But they're way too stupid

To figure it out.

So where you gonna meet him?

The premiere.

And he's gonna bring you

The stuff?

Oh, yeah.

[Bell ringing]

Come on.

We'd better get to algebra.

Hey, I heard that thing

On mr. Barker's nose grew back.

Awesome.

Go get to class.

Learn, learn.

Man, who do you think

She's meeting at the premiere

Saturday night?

I don't know.

And she said

He's bringin' the stuff.

What do you think

The stuff is?

Who knows?

Poison?

expl*sives?

expl*sive poison?

Man, I cannot stand

Not knowin'.

Man, how we gonna find out?

Okay, look.

We're gonna blow off the concert

Saturday night

And follow megan

To the premiere.

She'll see us.

Hey,

Not if we're wearing disguises.

Interesting.

Yeah.

That's them.

He brought backup.

He's just a little boy.

All right, boys,

We're just about to leave.

No need to--

Rubber bands.

Ow.

Ow.

Hey-- ow.

Oh. Whoa, dude.

[Music]

Okay.

All I'm sayin' is

The next time we need disguises,

I'm gettin' them.

I told you,

The costume shop was closed.

The temple was open.

And these are good disguises.

I don't even know

What accent to talk with.

Doesn't matter.

Just sound foreign.

Can I help you gentlemen

Find somethin'?

Top o' the mornin' to ya,

Lass.

How are ya?

Just here

To see a picture show, you know?

Potato?

Come along, pontiac.

Yes, let's go

Observe the mulberry bush.

Oh, pip, pip,

Da doodley do.

Pip pip da doodley do.

I'm gonna start sayin' that.

Hey.

I just saw megan

Go into the movie theater.

Let's go.

Tickets please.

Oh, we don't have tickets.

Oh, we must be catchin'

Our movie.

Love the previews.

Oh, doodley-do.

See megan anywhere?

No.

Oh, wait.

There she is.

Oh, yeah.

That guy doesn't look like

He sells expl*sives.

Oh, megan's on a date?

A date?

Megan's on a date?

Holy shalalee.

Come on, come on, come on.

Let's sit down.

Oh, hey.

Did you bring the stuff?

Yeah, here's the candy

All the way from japan.

Oh my god.

It's so good.

How'd you get this?

I know a guy.

Listen,

I got you something, too.

Oh, hey.

Cool necklace.

Thanks.

I hope

I got you the right size.

I measured my brothers' necks

And then subtracted two inches.

Perfect.

Cool.

Hey, I'm gonna run

To the bathroom real quick

Before the movie starts.

Yeah.

I'll keep your seat warm.

I can't believe

Megan has her first boyfriend.

Yeah, I don't know

How I feel about this.

Oh, come on.

Come on, they're .

They're just having--

What is he doing?

Breath spray?

Lip balm.

He's gonna try

To kiss megan.

Shhh.

Pip pip your doodley-do.

Man, I cannot believe

That little punk is gonna try

To put the moves on megan.

She is too young for kissing.

Come on.

Pardon me there.

Oh, excuse.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Does that cover the medium?

What are you gawking at?

Mind your peepers.

Hey, I miss anything?

Nah, the movie

Is just starting.

How was the bathroom?

Nice, clean.

Just like you.

Oh, corey.

[Grumbling]

Oh, might I be having a bite

Of your popcorn there?

Aye,

Give us your corn, lad.

It's low in carbs.

Hey, man,

Get your own popcorn.

Oh, do you mind

If I sit closer to the screen

There, laddy?

Let me help you out

With that.

Oh, real.

That's comfortable there.

That's them,

Those two men from ireland.

Stop the film.

Horatio, stop the film.

What is the problem?

These two freaks

Just tried to steal my popcorn

And then sat on my girlfriend.

Well, she's too young

To be having a boyfriend.

She's just a wee lass.

Wee.

Wait a minute.

What are you boobs

Doing here?

Who are they?

My idiot brothers.

Well, it's a good thing

Your idiot brothers were here.

Yeah, this hooligan

Was about to kiss you

Right on the mouth

And I don't have to be talking

In this accent anymore, do i?

Wait.

So drake and josh just made up

Pip pip da doodley do?

You have every right

To be disappointed.

Of course,

He was trying to kiss me.

That's the point.

He's my boyfriend.

We've been dating

For seven weeks; exclusively.

Maybe seven weeks is enough.

Huh?

Look, I'm sorry

But I don't think

I want a girlfriend

Who comes from some kind of

Freakish family.

My family's not freakish,

Just my brothers

And my dad a little bit.

Look, whatever.

I'm outta here.

Pip, pip.

Doodley do.

[Music]

Okay, congratulations.

Megan won't come out

Of her room.

What's wrong with your ear?

Well, I knocked on her door.

She opened it

And then she screamed

Go away at me

Through a very loud bullhorn.

She's taking

This break up thing pretty hard.

I feel really bad.

And you should.

You ruined

Your little sister's

First relationship.

We were protecting her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Creepy corey was moving in

For a kiss.

Look, guys,

I'm her father.

I'm not in love with the idea

Of megan dating some boy.

But she's not

A little kid anymore.

She's becoming a young woman.

Okay, all right.

Okay, enough.

We get it.

Thank you.

Come on.

All right.

Anyway, you guys

Are gonna have to fix this.

Seriously.

Well.

Maybe if we talk

To this corey kid,

We can get him

To take megan back.

Good.

Now, will you please give me

Your ice pop?

Thanks.

Ah.

That's the stuff.

[Music]

[Car horn honks]

Ooh, corey's here.

Told you, he'd come.

Hey, dad.

Corey is here.

Bring him up, okay?

Yeah.

Okay.

Let's do this quick.

Megan comes back

From oboe practice

In a half hour.

Right.

Fellas.

Corey is here.

Hey.

What's up, corey?

I'll leave you guys to talk.

So, corey,

Thanks for coming by.

Okay.

Look, you got five minutes.

My mom's waiting

Down in the car,

And she cannot be late

For therapy.

So talk.

We're really sorry

We embarrassed you and megan

The other day.

Extremely sorry.

It's just that

We're her older brothers,

So sometimes we can be

A little overprotective.

And a little stupid.

A lot stupid.

Yeah, thank you.

So if you'll accept

Our apology,

We'd like you to give megan

Another chance.

Okay.

I'll get back with your sister.

Great.

Awesome.

But I want that clock.

What?

You want me

To get back with megan or not?

Give him the clock.

I'll give him a clock.

Fine.

Take the clock.

And that guitar.

No.

Then forget it.

Oh, come on.

It's old one.

You don't even

Play it anymore.

Fine.

Take the guitar.

Give me your pants.

Our pants?

Both of you: pants.

They're not even

Gonna fit you.

I'll grow into 'em.

I'll grow into 'em.

Guess we're giving him

Our pants.

I can't believe this.

We're pants-less.

Sweet.

I'll call megan tonight.

I can't believe

He took our pants.

I don't know about that kid.

[Music]

Hey, helen.

I just came

To pick up my paycheck.

Hmm, okay, here.

Thanks.

Uh, helen.

I worked five days last week.

So?

You only paid me for three.

I know.

This way I save money.

Oh, hey.

Check it out.

I got you a little something.

No way.

I thought

You could only get this candy

In japan.

Well, I know a guy.

You are the sweetest thing.

Just consider it

Our one-month anniversary

Presents.

Oh.

You are the best boyfriend ever.

Thanks, babe.

Drake, drake.

Wait until you hear this.

Oh.

You are not gonna believe this.

Whoa, man,

You are not gonna believe this.

Mrs. Hafer d*ed?

No.

Corey has a girlfriend.

Yeah, I know.

He's with megan.

That's why we gave him

Our pants.

Another girlfriend.

What?

You heard my words.

That corey's a little

Two-timing-girl-kissing-

Japanese-candy-giving jerk.

Okay.

What is so special

About japanese candy?

Oh, it's a big deal.

Now what are we gonna do

About this?

We're gonna tell megan.

That's what we're gonna do.

No.

Yes.

Oh, we can't go to megan

With this.

We could

If you'd let go of my shirt.

Look, if we tell megan,

She's gonna think

We're making it up.

She's gonna think we're lying

Just to keep her

From dating corey.

Man.

You're probably right.

So what are we gonna do?

[Music]

Megan.

Oh, man, every time.

Hey, what happened

To the movie?

Excuse us.

Sorry, people.

Yeah, we just got

A little business

To take care of.

I am going to do

Such illegal things to them.

Hey, turn the movie back on.

Just relax.

What's up with this guy?

I'll give you my watch

If you don't k*ll me.

Come on, chuck.

Let's get out of here.

Pleasure.

How are you, chuck?

I thought you clowns

Were gonna leave us alone.

Oh, yeah, we were, corey,

Until we found out

You were stepping out

On our sister.

Wow.

Stepping out?

I know terms.

I can't believe

You guys did this to me again.

Why are so obnoxious?

Megan,

Your little boyfriend here

Is dating another girl.

He is not.

I am not.

And you guys

Have about five seconds

To get out of here or else

You're both gonna wake up

Tomorrow morning under water.

Okay.

Okay, if you don't believe us--

Maybe you'll believe

Girlfriend number two.

Hey, boyfriend.

Monica.

Who's monica?

I don't know.

I've never even seen her before.

You just called her monica.

Who is she?

I used to be his girlfriend.

Come on, megs.

We're done.

Will you guys

Please drive me home?

Of course we will.

As soon

As we teach corey here

A little lesson.

Yeah, the hard way.

[Music]

You could have told us

He knew kung fu.

Yeah, he knew kung fu

Real good.

I'm sorry.

And listen,

I really appreciate

What you guys did for me.

It means a lot.

No.

We're just sorry

That guy wasn't nice to you.

Or to our faces.

I love you guys.

Megan said she loves us.

I know.

Dude, you're crying.

He kicked me on the throat.

[Music]

Ow.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

How fun is that?

I love these.

I know.

Come on, let's go clack

In the living room.

Ow.

Oh.

Whoa.

Ow, ow, ow, ow,

Ow, ow, ow, ow.