01x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

[announcer] And the award for Best French
Male Artist of the Year goes to

Marcus!

- [rhythmical music playing]
- [crowd cheering]

Whoo!

- [man 1] Yeah!
- [people cheering]

[music stops]

Marcus, can we take a picture with Tété?

- [Marcus] Yeah, of course.
- [man 2] Yes, perfect.

[cameras clicking]

So I heard your new track.

- It's quite bold.
- [woman laughing]

No.

- It's Marcus.
- [Tété laughing]

- [crowd cheering]
- Yes. Yeah.

Thanks, everyone.

[man 2] Over here, Marcus,
let's see the trophy.

[woman 1] Excuse me, excuse me, sorry.

Babe, you're the best. Aww.

Wonderful. He's wonderful.

- Over here. Mel! Marcus! Mel! Mel!
- [woman 2] Mel!

[man 2] Marcus? That's it, great.

I'm sorry, Marcus, you're up next.
Come with me.

Hey, you can leave it, I'll keep it safe.
Go on, darling.

You're the best. Knock 'em dead, okay?

Yes.

- Let's go.
- Yeah, all right, I'll be right there.

Pascal, what's up? Hey, you're missing
out on the party. We finally made it!

- Yeah, sure, congrats then.
- Hey, it's great, right?

- Didn't the lawyers call you yet?
- No, why? What's going on?

- sh*t's hitting the fan!
- What?

Marcus is being sued

for insult and incitement
to v*olence against women.

My vacation is over. Thanks a lot.

THREE MONTHS LATER

[crowd shouting]

MY BODY MY CHOICE

- Marcus, you suck!
- Marcus! Marcus! Marcus! Marcus!

SHAME ON YOU

MARCUS DOOFUS

Just keep a low profile when we get out.

Marcus, I love you, g*dd*mn!

[woman] Settle down, settle down.

[students] Hello.

You're all named Simone?

Um, no. My name is Lila.

- Um, I'm Alice.
- And I'm Jeanne.

"Simones" comes from Simone de Beauvoir,
a major figure in feminism.

- [Jeanne] Does that name ring a bell?
- Aren't you the teachers?

No, we're not here to give a class.
We're journalists.

We came here today
to have a discussion with you.

Marcus was sentenced to a 3,000-euro fine
for incitement to v*olence against women.

Is it a major defeat?

The court forgot there's such a thing
in France called freedom of speech.

We will appeal to remind them.

Have any of you
ever called a female a slut?

[indistinct mumbling]

No one. Really?

Last week, what did you post on Snap?

- Nothing.
- Come on, don't lie.

She's the one who went
and showed her ass online.

[students] Ooh.

"They're all hoes except her."

"Where I come from, women shut up,
only open their mouth for a blowjob."

"I'm not going to wait for her 'yes.'
I only have one night."

- Do you stand by those lyrics now?
- Don't answer that.

- We love it. Keep it up, Marcus!
- Yeah. Why? You wanna buy the rights?

You really don't see the problem
with these lyrics?

No, no! Hey, hey, hey!
That's not what we're saying at all.

We just want you to realize
that these insults can cause real harm.

- Right.
- [boy] I mean...

Nobody's forcing those girls to do
what they do. It's like Marcus' lyrics.

And what do his lyrics say?

This.

[in French] ♪ They're all hoes except her
Don't ask when you'll see me again ♪

♪ Where I'm from, women shut up
Only open their mouth for a blowjob ♪

♪ She and I, we're not the same ♪

♪ We won't have the same money
The same job, ah ♪

♪ I put all my trouble in a grinder ♪

♪ Her p*ssy's so fine
But she's too into me ♪

♪ A bad lay
Won't give her the time of day ♪

♪ I don't wait for their "yes"
I only have one night ♪

- [boy, in English] Marcus is the best!
- [Jeanne] Then at least we got a story.

[students laughing]

[rhythmical music playing]

What got into you, Marcus?

[man in studio singing]

You thought, "A 3,000-euro fine
isn't enough."

"I should hike up
the bill with the journalists"?

They asked, and I answered.

- It's just a rough patch. It'll blow over.
- [Pascal] Ah, don't give me that!

♪ Na, na, na... ♪

Not Pops, eh?

♪ Na, na, na, na, na... ♪

We already lost seven cities
thanks to this crap.

And I'm talking 5,000-seat venues
at 90 bucks a ticket.

[sighs] I'll let you do the math.

Weren't you the one who said
a little provocation could boost sales?

Yeah, but not anymore.

The bad boy and the princess thing
used to be hot,

but it's reached its limits.

With "Me Too" and all that bullshit.
Anyway...

You're in deep sh*t, but I'm not
gonna drop you. A year from now is Bercy.

The Arena.

Ah, the arena, yes. So we're gonna
keep pushing your relationship with Mel.

But drafting an image
better suited for families.

A dog?

Ah, sure, a dog...

We're still gonna need
a clear artistic turn.

And where is that turn gonna take us?

Right for Noël.

What? [giggles] You lost me there.

For Christmas,
Marcus will sing love for women.

- You sure about that?
- [Pascal] It'll work.

Goodbye, misogynistic skirt-chaser.
Hello, perfect son-in-law.

So...

We put out an album at Christmas time.
It'll be a hit.

And two weeks later,
you'll be a judge on The Voice Kids.

We're gonna make you normal. We'll do
whatever it takes to salvage your career.

Yeah, okay.

♪ Na, na, na... ♪

- But count me out, man.
- [Pascal] Marcus!

[shouts] Ah, this guy is pissing me off.

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na... ♪

Let's not forget you signed a contract.

So unless you got a clue
how to repair your image...

Don't give me that!

All the best artists
make a Christmas album.

Bob Dylan, Céline Dion,

Mariah Carey, Snoop Dog...

Even Johnny did it. [sighs]

And Johnny wasn't a clown, right?

Hello there, everyone.
The Simones is five years old,

and we're very proud and grateful
to have accomplished so much with you.

I often say one is not born a Simone,
one becomes one.

We'd like to keep it that way.
That's why we need you.

The Simones need your help.

We're launching a new campaign
for crowdfunding.

We need your help and your effort

so that the fight can continue.

You support us. You give us your time.

You clicked on our video
without really knowing why.

- And you decided to watch till the end.
- Yes, you.

You won't forget to share this video.

Game on, b*tches!

♪ Mirror, mirror on the wall ♪

♪ Don't say it, 'cause I know I'm cute
Ooh, baby ♪

♪ Louis down to my drawers
LV all on my shoes, ooh baby ♪

♪ I be drippin' so much sauce
Gotta been looking like ragú, ooh baby ♪

♪ Lit up like a crystal ball
That's cool, baby, so is you ♪

♪ That's how I roll ♪

- ♪ If I'm shinin', everybody gonna shine ♪
- ♪ Yeah, I'm gold ♪

♪ I was born like this
Don't even gotta try... ♪

[woman] It's beautiful, my God,
it's so beautiful, ah!

Are you all right?

Um, yeah, it's just a work thing.

Well, it's Christmas.
Take a break, love. [whistles]

Isn't it so f*cking magical?
I can't get enough.

Well, I think it's very hypocritical,
it makes me sick.

Oh, good God, you suck.

It really brings me down to see my sister
go and bum herself out like that.

Seriously, do you want cancer?

Look at this, huh? Is this normal?

Is it normal that we're made to believe
you can only be happy in a relationship?

Not while single? See that? It's an insult
to single people everywhere.

Settle down, Miss Activist.
You're the insult

to single people everywhere.
I installed Tinder for you, okay?

I'm sure I'll find
the love of my life there.

Okay, you old maid,
well, let me see your phone.

Come on.

Now Christmas? Just what I need.

You're really gonna go
to your parents then?

Dude, I'm out of excuses.
I've tried recording, showcase, concert...

Plus my mom's put out the big g*ns.
I'm stuck.

- Oh yeah? And the old man?
- Uh-huh. My old man?

Since I chose rap over college,
I'm just a full-blown thug to him.

And with the trial, you can imagine.

The trial didn't make him
change his mind? Bizarre! [chuckles]

- [phone dings]
- Him?

- Hmm, he doesn't look very interesting.
- You sure? Look at those crazy frames.

How about this one for Mom?

There we go!

Etienne, lead entrepreneur
in new technologies!

No way!

- What?
- I can't believe it!

- Girl, you struck gold!
- Spit it out.

He likes the same films as you,
the same books as you.

His favorite sports are surfing and yoga!

[tapping on phone]

Let's go, tick-tock. It's done.

- What have you done?
- Tomorrow at 8, Café des Anges.

- [phone dings]
- [gasps] What?

He said yes! I'll have to thank myself
in the speech at your wedding.

Oh no, Safia, come on.
Why did you do that?

sh*t, I forgot something for Mom. Hey,
don't wait up for me, see you at home.

Etienne at Café des Anges... [hums]

- You're the worst.
- I love you!

Merry Christmas!

Oh sh*t.

- How's this for my mom?
- That's a nice color.

Excuse me. Are you... Umm...

Oh yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's me. You can talk to me.

- Cool. Can we take a photo?
- Yeah.

Cool.

[camera clicking]

Thank you.

- Yeah, sure thing.
- Bye.

- I like it. It's nice.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry, could we get a selfie?

- Thank you. Merry Christmas.
- Thanks. Bye.

[indistinct announcement over speaker]

[girl] Let go of me. Let go of me,
there's nothing in my pocket.

- [guard] Miss, come with me.
- [girl] Let go!

[guard] Show me what's in your pockets.

Excuse me, what are you doing?

- Empty your pockets.
- Sir, why are you shoving her?

- What are you doing?
- My job.

- My job!
- It's not your job to hurt anyone.

She said you're hurting her.

- I don't have anything!
- Come.

- Sir, you're hurting her! Let go of her!
- No!

I said let go of her!

Oh no, I'm so sorry!

Excuse me, ma'am, but what's going on?

Not sure, a singer. Marcus or...

- Marcus?
- That's the one.

These people are crazy, huh?

Oh my God, Marcus!

[screams silently]

[Safia] Marcus!

[crowd cheering]

All right, everyone, please settle down!
Calm down, please.

Everyone will get a picture,
just settle down!

Shame on you! It's shameful
what you say in your songs! How dare you?

- Don't listen to 'em then.
- I don't. Young people do!

You have a responsibility to the youth!
Don't you realize?

- You got nothing to say?
- All right, all right, settle down!

[crowd shouting]

- Hurry up! Get us out!
- [rhythmical music playing]

[music fading]

It's lovely here.

Mmm, very cute.

You decorate it yourself?

[guard] You listen up.

Save your wisecracks
for when the police arrive.

- [indistinct talking in walkie-talkie]
- Yeah, okay. Copy that. Coming.

And you stay right there.

Okay.

sh**t.

Back here.

- You'll have some peace and quiet.
- Cool.

- So this is where the KGB question people?
- Yeah.

[phone ringing]

- I'll catch up with you.
- Okay.

[man] Hello?

- It's drab, but quiet. This way.
- [Marcus chuckles]

Okay, here we are.
Next door on your right.

[Marcus] Thanks.

[door opens]

Hey.

Hello.

Um, I was told to wait here.
Won't be long.

Yeah, that's fine. Sure.
I'm just waiting for the cops. What fun.

Okay. Well, I'm waiting for an Uber.

Sort of the same, I guess.
Just not the same destination.

Nah. The police never
let me play music in the car.

Really? Tell me you left a bad review.

[both chuckle]

[calm music playing]

[Marcus] Want a drink?

Of water.

Ah.

I was gonna say that's a pretty bold move.

This guy doesn't fear much.

I don't fear anything.

Oh, all right.

Okay.

Thank you.

[Marcus] So what do you do?

Other than wait for cops
in the basement of a shopping mall.

Aside from that, I'm a journalist.

- Wow, cool. Journalist.
- Mmm.

- For who?
- For no one.

- I'm my own boss.
- Okay.

Some friends and I created a web media.
It's called The Simones.

- The Simones? Don't know it.
- Yeah.

You're not the only one.

Yeah, that's our problem. We don't even
know if we'll make it through winter, so...

Ah.

Hmm. Well, anyway,
tell me, what do you do?

I mean, aside for waiting for Ubers
in the basement of a mall.

[both giggle]

Um...

Basically, I make music.

But lately, I've just been screwing up.

Ah! So you...

[door opens]

Marcus?

My bad. The car is waiting.
Are you comin'?

Yeah.

[door closes]

I can get you out of here if you want.

I'll say the word to the manager,
you're out.

- Really?
- [Marcus] Yeah.

- Yeah, I'll take you out for a real drink.
- [Lila] Hmm.

Not water.

No, thanks, Marcus. I think I'll manage.

Now I know who I'm dealing with.
Mmm, I know about your songs, your videos...

Your trial too.

Mmm. We even wrote an article on you.

You should read it.
You'll see how highly I think of you.

[snickers] An article?

Mm-hmm.

On your website no one cares about?

Ah.

Anyway. All right.

Goodbye, Miss Journalist. Say hi
to the cops for me. Merry Christmas.

["Lemon Juice" by SaraoMusic playing]

♪ Great from the start, rip beats apart
Born in the light... ♪

f*ck. Of course, Marcus...

♪ Fast off the mark... ♪

Idiot.

♪ If you don't like the bite
Then move when I bark ♪

♪ Do what I wanna... ♪

You know what sucks?

It sucks to make a video
and talk about this trial.

Because in the end,
it's giving the song even more publicity.

The thing is,
we'd rather not talk about it at all.

As if it didn't exist at all.
In fact, that video shouldn't exist.

What is that?

What?

Hey, I know something's up.
What is it then?

[Lila keeps talking]

- I need to invest, man. Yeah.
- Oh yeah? In what?

- In feminist media.
- In what?

[Alice] ...by millions of young people.
He has nothing better to do

than release a track in which he says
that all women are whores.

- What is this?
- [Marcus] The Simones.

The girl from earlier, it's her page.

And apparently, they're seriously broke.
About to shut down.

Yeah, but apparently, they also hate you.
You get that?

Well, yeah, exactly.
This will prove them wrong.

And repair my public image.

I don't think that's a good idea, bro.

Don't you say,
"Make money while you sleep"?

- Yeah. With safe investing. Not that...
- [Marcus] Why not this?

This is the perfect way to avoid
doing that Christmas album. Let's do it.

- Come on.
- Okay. I'll look into it.

You'll have to stay anonymous.
At least at first.

Because they'll never agree to it
with your trial.

But if we use a mutual fund
for investment... Ahh.

[whispers] Possibly...

[serene music playing]

It's Zack. Marcus and I were just thinking
about an investment opportunity.

Feminist social media.

Yeah. Sounds good, right?

[rhythmical music playing]

- [Marcus] Oh God. What a day.
- [Zack] Take out, then?

- Yeah. What sounds good?
- Burgers?

Puttin' on weight, pal. Be careful.

- Pizza, then?
- Christ...

Pizza's not so bad.

- [Mel] Ta-da!
- ["We Wish You a Merry Christmas" playing]

Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

This is

family and

Christmas.

Okay.

- Is there a problem?
- No, love. It's...

Uh, it just kinda looks like...

As if Santa Claus just threw up
in the corner of the room, right?

- Yeah.
- [Mel] You guys are idiots.

That's for the fans.
I put it in the camera sh*t

for tomorrow night's live stream.

I mean the dog.
Is it a brilliant idea or what?

Look how adorable this guy is. So cute.

Hairy.

- [sighs] Did you find any presents?
- Yeah, I just found us a little...

Oh no...

What?

Sorry I'm late. I was
with the Prime Minister.

[man] It's fine.

Apparently, we need to save
the printed press. Do you have any ideas?

- No.
- Me neither.

Brune Giordano. Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you.
- Likewise.

- We're gonna save your website.
- Really?

Um, to "invest." Not "buy" us.

Well, as you know, we're
the largest online media group in France.

We have titles
for just about everyone, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- From young liberal bohos to army vets.

Not to mention cooks, hypochondriacs,
children under three, and now even pets.

No, not until now...

Almost everyone. Except you.

- Me?
- No, all you feminists.

- Oh.
- What do you mean, us?

- Aren't you supposed to be?
- Yes, but it's different.

Plus, I love your grassroots approach
to digital media.

You're genuine field reporters,
and that's a great positioning,

very contemporary.

However, you will have to make
some adjustments.

Adjustments to what, exactly?

Your videos are wonderful. Too bad
the website hasn't been turning a profit.

But fear not, we already have some ideas.

Like partnerships with brands,
for example.

- Yep. That's right.
- Or a new name. That's important.

"Girl Power."

- [man] I like that one.
- [woman] Oh yeah, yeah. Good.

"Womenista."

[gasps] Womenista! I love it!

That's great!

[group accepting, indistinct chattering]

In terms of partnerships,
what do you have in mind?

Oh, there's no shortage of girls' brands.

[whispers] Are you considering this?

[whispers] We don't have a choice.

May I remind you
we can't make this month's rent?

But we will, somehow.

Late rent can be made up.

sh1tting on our values
is something we'll regret.

Everything okay?

Yes. We're passionate activists.

It's sort of what defines us.

Shh!

Can't we at least hear her out
before freaking out?

So I can't speak my mind now, is that it?

It's one thing to speak your mind,
another to act like a sociopath.

Two different things. Now stop it.

Fine, then. Good luck with that.

Goodbye.

[phone ringing in the distance]

The fight continues!

She had to leave.

Listen, you're sweet. But come back to me
when you all agree, okay?

And after graduating, I traveled around.

- I wanted to discover other cultures.
- [phone beeping]

To find out what I wanted
to make of my life, you know?

- [Lila] Mm-hmm.
- What, you think that's strange?

The... Ah, no, no, no, not at all, no.

Then what's the problem? I can tell
you're not really here right now.

There's no problem,
it's just that I didn't want to come.

- Uh, come where?
- Uh, well, here, on this date.

All right, then.

Well, you're straightforward, aren't you?
Don't worry about me. Go on.

It was really my sister

who made me come here tonight.
Honestly, she forced me.

This just gets better. Please, continue.

No, it's true, I swear. Really,
you should take it as a compliment,

because she thought you were super hot,
and that's why I'm here.

Well, then,
why don't you give me her number?

I'll call her up, go out
to dinner with her. Everyone's happy.

But you're great, really. You're perfect.

- Um...
- But?

But I don't need all of this.

Don't need this?

You mean a relationship?

[phone beeps]

COME OVER!

I have to go, I'm sorry.

Okay, well, go on then.

- You're not upset?
- Uh, no, no. Thanks for being honest.

Anyway, I know I'll see you again.

- Huh?
- Mm-hmm.

I can tell.

Okay.

Well, all right, then. Bye.

Goodbye.

["Vérité" by Claire Laffut playing]

COLBERT STREET

Voilà.

MALALA YOUSAFZAI STREET

Yousafzai...

Alice, how's that?

Alice?

Excuse me, where's Alice?

She's over there.

[Alice giggling]

- Hey? Alice?
- What?

You busy over there?

What's wrong?
Mathias just came to help out.

- Mathis.
- That's what I just said, yeah.

So I was filling him in on context,
that's all.

Yes, I saw that.
Your filling-in was very thorough.

With tongue and all. It was remarkable.

Would you
set the record straight, please?

Because Jeanne here
suffers from severe skepticism.

- It's chronic, I think, there's no cure.
- [Mathis] Um, yeah, sure. Well...

I didn't know only 2%
of Paris streets were named after women.

- Oh yeah?
- [whispers] The mayor's office...

And that the mayor's office
refuse to take action. And, and...

- It's I mean, I mean, it's revolting.
- Revolting.

- [Mathis] It's true. It's shameful.
- That's true.

- It's shameful, exactly.
- Yeah. And so?

Our friend can... He can start pasting.

- Supplies over there.
- Go on.

So, pasting?

- [Alice] Where have you been?
- Doesn't matter. What's the news?

- Ready?
- [Lila] Well, yeah.

We found an investor.

- It's a Christmas miracle.
- No!

- Yes!
- Don't get your hopes up.

- We don't even know who it is.
- So what?

So isn't it super strange
to invest secretly like that?

Well, no, I think it's rather honorable
to give to a good cause without bragging.

You say secret, but I hear quiet.
Someone who's gonna stay off our backs.

- It's what we wanted.
- Is it even possible?

- No name on the check or anything?
- I checked with the lawyer, it's genuine.

No, the money comes
from an investment fund,

so this guy could be anybody.

Or this woman.
Can you tell her why this is a good thing?

- I'm tired of trying.
- So there are no conditions?

No, no, it's like a benefactor.
We'll stay independent.

- That's great. This is really...
- [Alice] Yeah.

- If we don't say yes, we're finished.
- [Alice] No, we don't have a choice.

[Lila, Alice] We don't have a choice.
We don't have a choice.

- Jeanne, we don't have a choice.
- We have to do it.

- [woman 1 shouting]
- [woman 2] Go, go, go!

[sirens blaring]

[Lila] Hurry! Go!

[woman] Wait for me!

[energetic music playing]

Alice!

Girls!

[Lila] Game on, b*tches!

[music fading]

Ah, just like that. This frame is perfect.

See, sweetheart, we'll stand here.

[dog growling quietly]

Like that.

Huh, baby?

Marcus?

[shouting] Marcus!

- [rap playing on phone]
- Yeah, babe, I'm coming.

Hey. I talked to your Simone.
She told me where she's at,

and I'll send someone
to swap gifts, all right?

No, no. I'll do it.

- Huh?
- Why not?

- You got other things to do right now.
- [Marcus] It'll get me out of the house.

Hold on, hey. She cannot know
you're their investor. Gotta keep quiet.

Calm down. It's cool, relax.

Enjoy your holiday.
Go see your parents. Give them my best.

I'll be back in time
for our Christmas live.

- Whoo.
- [Mel] There we go, some excitement.

It's about time, darling.

One hour, babe, I'll be back soon.

He's leaving?

You can't leave!

I don't believe it.

We're going live in two hours.
And no one's saying anything, is that it?

sh*t...

- I mean, really?
- [dog growling]

[rhythmical music playing]

- [boy 1] Guys, look! It's Marcus! Marcus!
- [boy 2] Whoa, no way!

- What's up?
- How's it going?

- Can we take a picture?
- Quickly.

- Man, you're the best.
- [camera clicking]

Hey, you're so dope.
Hold on, let me get the others.

- Hey, no, buddy. No, no.
- Please, man?

There. I'm not here, okay?

- You're the man.
- [boy 3 cheering]

Here.

[Safia] Honey, it is not a big deal
to wet your bed, okay?

It happens to everyone.

It happened to me once at camp,
it happened to me after giving birth.

- [girl] I get it.
- [Safia] No, you don't get it.

You didn't see the size of your skull
when you were born, you looked like E.T...

- It's Marcus. Marcus. It's Marcus.
- What?

[gasps]

- [doorbell ringing excessively]
- [knocking on door]

[Lila] Yes, I'm coming! All right!

All right, all right!

- [Lila] What's with you?
- Marcus. Pee-pee. E.T.

What, did she have a stroke?

- Don't know, but I'm going to my room now.
- You've lost it too?

[doorbell ringing]

- Just chill out! It's fine...
- [Safia screams]

Sorry, I didn't mean to intrude.

What are you doing here?
Selling calendars?

- Would you buy some if I was?
- No, thank you.

Yeah, okay. I don't have calendars,
but I have your presents.

- Couldn't find a courier?
- It's Christmas.

- Couriers have families too.
- Oh yeah.

Okay, thanks now. Good night.

- Wait.
- What?

- What's your beef with me?
- [Lila laughing]

You love me and can't admit it,
is that it?

- You're delusional.
- Who is this charming young man?

- It's no one, Mama.
- Well, at least you can introduce us.

Hello, ma'am. Marcus.

Danièle. Lovely to meet you.
I'm mama to Lila.

- Safia, I can't believe you're here...
- Glad to meet you.

Well, don't just stand there
in the doorway. Come in.

- [Marcus] I don't wanna intrude.
- Yes, he was just on his way out.

Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
That's out of the question.

Did you know that in ancient times,

the Greeks had to offer hospitality

- because an unknown visitor could be...
- [all three]...a god disguised as a human.

- I love that story.
- [Lila] Yeah.

Me too.

Well, come inside.
Come in, come in, come in.

You might be Hephaestus, right?
The god of fire.

Or Apollo...

After all, it's Christmas. [laughs]

["Can't Believe It's Christmas" playing]

♪ I can't believe that it's Christmas
The best time... ♪

They're too big.

Oh, sorry. I'll chop 'em smaller.

- Have you known each other long?
- Nah, not really.

But we just clicked.

Mom, I'm sure Marcus has better things
to do on Christmas Eve than be questioned.

Nah, nah. It's fine. I like it.

I just hope he's more gifted
in the sack than in the kitchen.

[Lila] We're not together, Grandma.

Good for you! Because he can't
do anything. Just look!

That's true, I'm not very gifted,
but at home, my mom does it all.

- [Grandma] Of course.
- That checks out.

So you're not together,
but you like each other.

- Mom, just stop it, that's enough.
- Lila, can I speak with you?

What?

Have you noticed Marcus?
I think he's flirting with me, don't you?

- Oh, no way, really?
- I swear.

He keeps looking at me with his eyes.

- It's really intense.
- He's using his eyes to look at you?

In the stairwell, there were vibes,
there were vibes like hell, erotic vibes.

That was before or after
he heard you pissed yourself?

Don't make fun! It just proves
we're super close and compatible.

- Yeah, that's true. Yeah.
- Ooh.

But hold on, you're blowing my mind.
Slow down, slow down.

I saw him twice in two days.
It's exactly like Notting Hill.

- So romantic. Christmas love...
- [doorbell ringing]

Oh, I'm so sick
of this open-house Christmas.

- Merry Christmas. Thanks for inviting me.
- Merry Christmas!

Clearly, my alter-globalist family
wasn't going to plan anything.

- [laughter, indistinct talking]
- [Lila] Sure.

Hello! Merry Christmas, girls!
Gifts. Champagne. Christmas.

- Who is he?
- That's Daniel. The third-floor neighbor.

- Well, he's right at home.
- He's comfortable, yes.

- He might be your mom's new man?
- Pfft, come on. There's just no way.

- [Safia] Did you see his face?
- Oh, sweetie! There's my love!

[Daniel] Let's pop the champagne.

No, no, no. Danièle and Daniel.
It's legendary.

[Danièle laughing] You crazy fool!

Sorry, am I hallucinating, or is that
the most misogynistic rapper in France

on your living room couch looking through
family photos with your mom?

Looking at what?

That was far from
the most shocking thing I said.

...oh, and bath time.

Mom, would you quit
the show-and-tell, please?

She's modest, always has been.
It became pathological after Hassan left.

- Hassan?
- [loud bang]

Her father. He up and left
one Christmas Eve,

when she was 12 years old, and, well,
now she thinks it's her fault.

Even though we all know
whose fault it really is.

Mom, be quiet, shut it!

You're telling our life story
to a stranger.

But he's not a stranger. He's... er...

- What's his name?
- [Safia] Marcus.

Marcus, right.
Oh, and don't forget, he's our guest.

- And he's spending Christmas with us.
- No, no, no. No.

- You don't know. He's a misogynist.
- Whoa. Um...

It's getting late.
I'm gonna catch an Uber.

[Danièle] In any case, he's lovely.

- You're lovely.
- No. He's not lovely at all.

- That's very kind.
- Stay!

- She just needs to drop her presumptions.
- Have you listened to his songs?

Mom, you've been going on for years
about female liberation.

So much for burning your bra.

- Hm? Marcos. Is this true?
- Marcus. No, it's not at all.

Well, it's art, ma'am.

I convey images
that can be shocking at times.

Let's just say
my views are a bit more traditional.

Traditional...

- Hm.
- [Danièle] Traditional? [laughs nervously]

- Well, be honest, are you a misogynist?
- No.

Not at all.

What are the lyrics? I wanna see them.

- You wanna know?
- [Grandma] Well, yes.

Here.

"I'm not going to pray for frame."

- [Lila] Fame.
- What is fame?

- Means "glory" in English. Go on.
- "They're all hoes except her."

Ah, I see.

- It's...
- Like art.

"Where I come from, women shut up."

"I'm not going to wait for her 'yes.'
I only have one night."

[nervous giggle] Well, all right. It's...

- That is quite something. Um...
- Artistic, yes.

[Danièle] I mean... um...

- You've gone off the deep end, boy.
- Oh, Grandma, it's not... [gasps]

Get out!

- Damn it!
- [Marcus screams]

- I forgot my...
- [Grandma] Here! You forgot something!

Merry Christmas!

You know, I did tons of songs
where I was nice to girls, but whatever.

[ringing]

- [Marcus] Hey.
- Where are you?

On my way.

You know Mel is furious
you never showed up?

- Well, I'm coming now.
- [call waiting signal]

Hold on, the driver's calling.

- Hello?
- [man] This is your Uber driver.

- Can't get there, there's a protest.
- What protest?

I don't know, there's kids.

[kids shouting]

[phone buzzing]

Damn it.

- Hello?
- [Marcus] Where are you at with dinner?

Uh, my uncle's just ready
to finish off the second bottle of wine.

They'll start a quarrel any time now.

- Why?
- 'Cause you're gonna leave and pick me up.

- Hurry. It's The Walking Dead over here.
- On it.

- [sighs]
- [toilet flushing]

- [banging on door]
- [door gives in]

[kids screaming]

[loud, indistinct discussion]

[doorbell ringing frantically]

- [Lila] What?
- [Marcus] Ah!

- Back again? Grandma!
- No, no, no.

You have to let me hide.
They're downstairs. I'll be a dead man.

A dead man? Aww, poor baby
with the selfies. Hey!

Grandma!

- What are you doing?
- [Marcus] Look down.

What?

[indistinct talking]

- Oh, my bad.
- Mm-hmm, told you.

[fan] Look out!

[crowd screaming]

Are you an idiot?

- What are you doing?
- I was just coming for you, Sara.

Ooh, you lovebirds.
Come, I have an announcement.

He's not my boyfriend!

- [Danièle] Go with Mommy.
- There's a space here.

- And yes, Marcos, you sit here.
- [Safia] Marcus.

Next to Mom,
and now she won't bite, right? [giggles]

- There we go.
- Me again.

- Why the hell is he here?
- His groupies are outside. He can't go.

[Danièle] I have an announcement to make.
[dings glass]

Right now?

- Uh, I have decided to propose to Daniel.
- Yeah, and naturally, well, I said yes.

Uh-huh. And we're getting married
in the spring.

Right, just in time
for the cherry trees on the square

in front of City Hall to be in bloom.
So that way it's more poetic. You know?

That's awesome! I love it.

Congrats!

- Now, that's a surprise.
- Phew. Said it.

- [kissing]
- [Daniel] I'm so happy.

- [Danièle] Me too. You have a new daddy.
- Wow.

[Daniel] Yes, and I would like
to thank you all for welcoming me in.

There's nothing to understand.
We're in love, that's it. He's perfect.

Yeah, but isn't he a bit too much
of an alcoholic to be perfect?

Oh, don't start that.
Look who's talking now.

He likes a party. That's what I love
about him. He's full of life.

He could be the most perfect man on Earth,
he could be Barack Obama.

- That's not the problem.
- What's the problem then?

You can't make a decision like this
on your own

and then spring that announcement on us.

How was I supposed to go about it?
I need permission from my kids?

Not on Christmas Eve, for one.

Don't you see how that
could bring up bad memories for me?

- What is it now, a tradition?
- Okay.

Each Christmas, let's tear up
the foundations of the family,

On to the turkey right after?

But everything doesn't have to
revolve around you, you know?

Your dad didn't leave just you.
And I also have the right to move on, huh?

Nothing ever stopped him.

Just because you refuse to be happy
doesn't mean everyone else has to.

Okay, Mom, let's just not
go down that road, all right?

- Let's not go down that road.
- What were you saying?

I mean I saw you pass up all those guys
who were crazy about you.

And you seemed very happy with them,

but you always ended up
sending them packing for no good reason.

- Right?
- Oh no, no, no, no, no...

Hold on, where is this coming from?
That's my business,

what do you know? And since when
do you need a man to be happy?

Oh no, don't start
lecturing everyone again, please.

In my day, we didn't give a damn
about somebody else's sex life.

'Cause we did what we wanted to.

Do you think we give a f*ck
who you sleep with, Mom?

We do not.

Mama, what we're asking is that
you don't get married to some random dude.

He's not just some random dude.
He's our neighbor. Okay?

And he wholly satisfies my needs.

So, do you have any other hobbies,
or just dating Danièle?

Oh yes, I'm a big fan of hiking
in any season. I just love nature, and...

[Danièle] No one ever made me come
like Daniel! There!

He's a pleasure machine!

- And he never...
- What about you, Grandma? I mean, I dunno...

Do you like the mountains?
Have you ever been hiking, or...

- [Lila] Start dinner without me.
- [Danièle] Don't be upset.

There she goes, hah.

- Let's call a spade, a spade. Sex matters!
- I'll go.

I couldn't stop coming! One time,
two times, ten times! There! Argh!

[sighs] Gosh, these kids, right?

Yeah, thanks...

["Les séquoias" by Pomme playing]

This is your room?

Well, then.

You're a secret romantic.

[Marcus giggles]

Sheesh!

That's a shitload of CDs!

Damn.

Hmm.

So is it always like this
with your family?

Why, you don't like it?

Oh, sure. I do. It's nice to see
a family that communicates.

It's not like that with mine.

Actually, nobody at home shares anything.

All right.

A truce?

What kind of truce?

Do you wanna have a smoke?
Some air? I need it.

Yeah, sounds good.

But I can't go down there.
The entire neighborhood is waiting for me.

Come on. You don't have to brag. At most,
that's a quarter of the neighborhood.

And besides, I didn't say down there.

Wow. So this is where
you used to bring the boys.

[Lila] Are you nuts?

I had better things to do
with Alice and Jeanne.

I had to change the world.

Actually, this is where
we came up with The Simones.

- [serene music playing]
- [Marcus] Hmm.

Maybe it's stupid, but I find it's easier
to dream when you go up high.

I don't think that's stupid. Wow.

Oh, here.

Why are you really here?

To return your present.

Don't you remember, at the mall?

- We swapped gift bags.
- Come on, quit it with the bags.

It's weird. Why are you
at my mom's house on Christmas Eve?

I mean, not only are we total strangers,
we're total opposites.

- We don't belong together at all.
- Are you sure about that?

[Marcus] What?

Am I trippin'
or are you trying to hook up with me?

- I'm not!
- You're trying to hook up with me!

If someone looks at you,
that means they wanna hook up?

- Don't be silly, Lila.
- Marcus wants to hook up with me!

- Guys! Marcus wants to hook up with me!
- [Marcus] Okay.

Marcus wants to hook up with me!
You wanna hook up with me.

- Yes.
- [Marcus laughs]

Oh my God, Marcus wants
to hook up with me. I cannot believe it.

- [doorbell ringing]
- [Alice] The door, I'll get it, Danièle.

- [Zack] Hello.
- Hello.

♪ Baby... ♪

Wow.

Do you need something?

Yeah, yeah.

I...

- Yeah, um... The... Ah... [laughs nervously]
- Yeah, sorry. I don't understand.

Neither do I.

- Oh, who's he?
- Well, I don't know, but he's weird.

Are you part of a group?
Are you selling those little calendars?

Oh, no, no, no.
I'm just here to pick up Marcus.

And your number if I may.
I'm his manager.

- Oh, well, come in.
- [Zack] Thank you very much.

- Thanks.
- Of course.

Did you know that in ancient times,
the Greeks had to invite...

Don't forget,
you still haven't said why you're here.

Hmm. Let's just say...
I wanted to finish our conversation.

- Oh yeah? And why is that?
- Yeah.

Hmm, I usually don't give a damn
what people think, you know?

Some of the sh*t they say
even makes me laugh.

- But then, with you...
- With me what?

I don't know.

Um... It got to me.

I wanted you to know what I'm really like.

[calm music playing, escalating]

Wow.

Is this all part of your plan
to hook up with me?

Well, when you have my connections,
you know, anything's possible.

- I have a gift for you.
- You already gave it back to me.

What are you doing?

Here.

You don't want it?

- Oh, now you do?
- [Lila] Um, I don't know.

- Hold on.
- Or you don't?

Oh, stop it! I'll take it, but not because
I want it, just because it's cold.

- You dig my gift.
- No, you're wrong.

- Only because I'm cold.
- The best Christmas gift you ever had.

- It's insane!
- Absolutely not. I'm just cold.

- You dig my present. Admit it.
- I do not dig your present.

- You don't know.
- I do.

Say what you will,
but I know that I'm super comfy.

- And you're freezing your ass off.
- Nah, I'm not cold.

- I see you shivering.
- Nah, I'm good.

- I see your jaw, it's all...
- I'm really good. I feel really good.

Marcus! Your savior's here!
Come on, I've been downstairs.

Stop playing the romantic.

[Marcus chuckles]

- [Marcus] Okay.
- [Danièle] Come back soon!

- [Zack] Thanks.
- Merry Christmas.

- Bye!
- Bye. See you soon.

- Drive safely, you two. Okay?
- [Zack] We will.

- See you next year.
- [Zack] Bye!

- [door closes]
- They're a cool family, huh?

Yeah, they're cool.

- Hey, did I interrupt something up there?
- No. We were just talking.

Hey, you didn't tell her
you're their investor, right?

Oh no, don't worry. Hey, wait.

- Huh?
- There's still kids out there.

Hey! It's under control, man.

[ethereal song playing in French]

[Alice, whispering] Hold on. I have
a plan. We take the shirt. We wring it.

- [Lila laughing quietly]
- [Alice] Shh.

We make "Marcus essential oil."

[whispering] She's asleep. Heck yeah!

- [Alice] We can make some serious dough.
- Super great idea. I'll think about it.

- [Alice] Something I don't get.
- [Lila] What?

Um... You're on the roof, right?

He offers you his shirt.
You're almost touching.

It's so romantic it makes me sick.

- Isn't that the champagne?
- Yes, it's the champagne.

- But I'm gonna get a refill.
- How did nothing else happen up there?

Well, it was nothing. It, uh...
There were glances.

- There were glances.
- [Alice] Glances.

Well, if there were glances...

- That's something.
- Shut up.

It's Marcus. We barely know each other.

There's no way I'm leaving him to you
just so you can blow it.

Isn't she so generous? I owe you.

I have a big heart,
but you better hit that ass.

I don't mean going to the roof
to smoke cigs like bratty 12-year-olds.

Keep this pace up, and in what, two years,
you'll be brushing...

- Knees?
- Elbows?

- Or ankles?
- And toes.

- You guys are so hot.
- [Lila] Leave me alone.

I don't wanna hear it.

- [sighing] Stop.
- [Safia, Alice laughing]

Hey, do you think we got it wrong?
That he could actually be decent?

- Could be.
- You're not listening to me at all.

I'm telling you to get down with him
on New Year's Eve.

Go ahead. Unbelievable.

[Danièle crying out]

I was too tough on Mom.

- Yeah. I'll say sorry tomorrow.
- Yeah.

Okay.

[Danièle] Daniel! Daniel! Daniel!
[screaming with pleasure]

[Safia] God, are you kidding?

And Sara's right there!

- Can't she go f*ck somewhere else?
- [Danièle screaming]

["Tout ou rien" by Marie-Flore playing]

Damn, girls, about time!

Hold on, Jeanne, we had the weirdest
Christmas Eve in all of history.

Me too.
I discovered the most insane thing.

- You'll never guess who was there.
- The investor. I investigated.

- I found out it's Marcus.
- Get this, it's Marcus.

How do you know?

Wait, you... How'd you find out?

- It can't be. You sure?
- [Jeanne] 100%.

Perks of having a girlfriend in finance
is that she has friends

working in investment funds.
So I asked her to check, and then, boom.

I don't get Marcus.
Why would he fund our work?

It's feminism washing.
To cast himself as an innocent.

If you're funding a cause,
you can't be its enemy. That's it.

- He's getting a reputational facelift.
- Seems so.

Honestly, girls, I just wanna get
my hands on him and... [groaning]

...throw stuff into his face.

I'm not gonna take this lying down.
I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind.

Very good start.

And right to his face, I'm gonna tell him
where he can stick his money.

- Are we The Simones or not?
- You got me pumped up. Let's go!

Game on, b*tches!

Yeah!

[pop song playing in French]