01x01 - It's Not What It Looks Like

[bunniefuu]

-[loud drum]
-[seagulls calling]

[Dineo] Tumi. Tumi. Boitumelo!

[Dineo] [in Sesotho]
Tumi, you're going to drown!

-[Vusi] No, we're not calling the police.
-[Dineo] [in Sesotho] Tumi, you're naked.

[Vusi] What if those vultures
in the media find out?

[in Zulu] We need to take her
to the hospital.

[Grace] I'm sure there's a perfectly
logical explanation to all of this.

-[Lydia] Oh, my goodness!
-[Sbu] Relax, relax.

[Tumi] I swear this is not
what it looks like.

-[sheep bleats]
-[opening music playing]

♪ Wherever there's fun
That's where you'll find me ♪

♪ Wherever there's fun
That's where you'll find me ♪

[pilot] Good morning, ladies and gents.
This is your captain speaking.

Welcome to our flight AB
from Cape Town to Johannesburg.

We're expecting
some turbulence this morning,

so please keep your seatbelts fastened
while the seatbelt lights are on.

[Tumi] This is the image of three idiots
who forgot to check in online.

[loud creaking and rattling]

-Are you okay, baby?
-Mm-hmm.

[Tumi] She isn't.

You know I'd be holding your hand
right now if I was sitting next to you.

[Tumi] Please, don't.

Would you two like to sit together?

-Oh, no, we’re fine.
-If you wouldn't mind.

We don't wanna inconvenience you.

Oh, I like the window.

[Tumi] Of course you do.

[man] Yeah.

-Sorry. There we go.
-[Tumi moans]

-[man] You see, it worked out.
-[woman] Baby.

[woman] I missed you.

[Tumi] This would have never happened
on a flight to Mauritius.

I mean, it could have,

but at least I’d be going on a solocation
to Mauritius, instead of--

-[man] Jo'burg?
-What?

Are you also spending
your Christmas in Jo’burg?

Oh, yeah, um,

home. My sister’s getting married.

-[man cheers]
-Oh, my gosh!

We’re getting married next year.

His family wants us to get married
in Jo’burg and I'm like,

nobody gets married in Joburg.
It's been like--

[music playing on earphones]

[man] Sorry, sister.

-Do you mind if…? She’s cold.
-[Tumi] So?

She’s cold. So do you mind…

[Tumi] If I ever fall in love, sh**t me.

[upbeat music playing]

[man] You know we're in Jo'burg
when the escalators aren't working.

Oh, my goodness!

It's probably loadshedding.

I agree.

-[man] There we are.
-But it's fine, we're here. We made it.

Yes. Yes.

-Selfie? Selfie, baby?
-Of course!

[Tumi] Are you f*cking kidding me?

[kissing]

Wait, wait, wait baby. Let's do nosies.

-Nosies.
-[woman] Nosies.

-[man] Did you get it?
-Okay.

[man] Come, let's go.

[upbeat music playing]

[Khaya] Oh! You always knew
how to make friends.

ORLANDO PIRATES SUCKS!

[laughing]

[Tumi] Really?

[Khaya] [in Xhosa] The truth hurts.

[Tumi] Yeah. Just like
how guys who drive Porsches,

-are always trying to overcompensate.
-No one's complaining.

You know, I really shouldn’t have
invited you to this wedding.

-[in Xhosa] I will leave you here, try me.
-[in Xhosa] You won't.

[in Zulu] I'm kidding!

[whooping] T-money,
T-Gwap, T-cash, T-baby!

-Whadda do, baby?
-[Khaya] That's right!

[Tumi] Don’t make this awkward
by saying something stupid like…

[Khaya] I missed this.

Come, let's take a picture for the gram.

-For the gram?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How else are people going to know
that I'm happy to see you?

-Ah! I can see we're still obsessed.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Khaya] Gotta give the people
what they want.

[metro cop] Hello, Beyonce, Jay-Zed.
You're here to make out?

[in Zulu] Can't you see
that this is for pickups only?

[in Zulu] If you want to kiss each other,
go away.

[in Zulu] Or would you rather
get a parking ticket?

-Oh, okay. No! No!
-No! No! We're leaving.

-Lemme get the bags.
-[in Zulu] Yes, leave.

♪ Piano is the sound. Those who
Don't like it, will get over it ♪

♪ Let the dancers come forth
Really, really, Billy ♪

♪ Piano is a bonus
Big festivals need mobiles ♪

♪ Don't come when you're not ready ♪

[Refiloe] [in Xhosa]
You look so beautiful!

-[Thando] Oh, my word!
-Wow!

[Thando] You look absolutely amazing.

Looks like someone
didn’t stick to the Team Bride diet.

[in Xhosa] Um, what diet? I am not
going to eat my first meal at lunch time.

December, babes.

[Thando] Guys, it's called intermediate
fasting for a reason, I mean Refiloe.

[in Xhosa] Please repeat that.
Inter- what?

Intermediate fasting.

-[Refiloe in Xhosa] You and your English.
-[Beauty] It's intermittent.

Listen, only poor people fast, okay?
I'm not poor today.

No, no, poor people actually don't fast.
They're actually hungry.

Guys, we're going to be on national TV.
Trust me it's gonna be worth it.

[soft grunting]

Am I-- Am I the only person
who stuck to this diet?

[in Xhosa] Friend,
as I said, it's the holidays!

Have a strawberry.

[in Xhosa] Take it to the top.

Okay, I'll see. Let me help you.

[Thando] Breathe in.

I'm gonna need you to…

-Breathe in. Breathe in.
-[sighs in relief]

[in Xhosa] How will you breathe, babe?

Uh, breathing is overrated.

Um, okay.

[phone rings]

Um… Yeah, it's… It's not… her yet.

I don't understand why Tumi didn't
get here on time like the rest of us.

Ah, guys, let’s try on the Zulu outfits.

-The Zulu outfits sound like a vibe.
-Yes, yes, yes!

[Thando in Zulu] ♪ The bride is ours ♪

-♪ We all agree ♪
-[Refiloe] ♪ Say yeah ♪

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Knock, knock, knock ♪

♪ Knock, knock ♪

I can't believe my sister
is getting married on Christmas day.

[in Xhosa] Yes, well,
you don't go home anymore.

How else were they going to get you
to come home for Christmas?

[sighs] Tell me one person who wants that.

[in Xhosa] Hello? Am I invisible?

-Aw, you're so cute.
-What?

-You missed me.
-No! No! Whatever. No.

I did not. Don’t flatter yourself.
No I didn't.

It's… It's just that I can’t go home.

[in Xhosa] My father will be there,
and all he ever does is talk about mom,

and it makes him sad,
Which makes everyone feel worse. So, yeah.

Well, good thing is,
you get to be my date.

And save me
from this three-day wedding saga.

You know what, I am glad
my family’s grief is working out for you.

So I’m all set
for the traditional wedding tomorrow,

but I might be a bit late
for the white wedding on Christmas Day.

-Oh.
-I've got a thing.

Girls aren’t things, Khaya.

No, it’s not a girl.

[Tumi] It's always a girl with him.

Okay, fine, fine, you know what,
I'll tell you if you don't make the sound.

-What sound?
-You know what sound I'm talking about.

[laughs] I'm not going to fall into this.
Okay, you know what, fine, I'll tell you.

So on Christmas day,
I dress up as Father Christmas

and I go to a local home
and hand out presents to the kids.

-[retching sounds]
-Oh, man!

Oh, you’re so predictable.
I should have known.

Oh, man, I walked right into that one.
Okay, fine. Are you done?

-Are you done?
-Yeah.

Hey, look, you should come with me.
No, come on. Come with me.

Tumi, you should see these kids,
their faces.

They will melt
your stone-cold, dead heart.

-Yeah?
-Yeah!

Will they melt it enough to help me
with my maid of honor speech?

-Beauty trusted you to write something?
-Right?

-You!
-Yeah.

Wow!

I don’t even know what to say.

Help me?

-With what?
-The speech.

-No! No!
-Please.

No! No, don't even do that.

Don't even look at me like that.
I'm not helping you.

This is not second year. No!

You get to do your own homework.
I'm not helping you.

-Come on.
-I'm not!

-[big inhale] Look at that smile.
-I'm not smiling.

That's the "I will help you" smile.

-I'm not smiling. [laughs]
-Thank you in advance, man.

Whatever.

[upbeat music playing]

Okay!

-[in Xhosa] Hey!
-Hi.

[in Tswana] Hello.

[Bokang] [in Tswana] Look at this line,
does this line look straight to you?

Aha! Is there anything
that's ever straight with you, darling?

[in Tswana] You finally decided
to grace us your wretched-ass presence.

Ah, Khaya. Still cute.

[in Tswana] But you are still Xhosa.

Bokang. Still funny.

[Moipone] Boitumelo!

-[laughs]
-[Tumi] [in Sotho] Aunty!

-[in Tswana] How are you?
-[in Tswana] You finally found a man!

[in Tswana] I thought we were going to
have to slaughter a white chicken for you!

[in Tswana] No, this is my friend.

Khaya, this is my mother’s older sister.

-[in Xhosa] Aunty Moipone.
-[in Xhosa] Aunt?

[in Xhosa] I was already
thinking about the bride price,

and how I would bring all the cows I have.
[laughing]

[Tumi] And that's
what we call the Khaya effect.

[Dineo] [in Tswana] Is Tumi
going to come and greet me,

or is she going to keep
hiding in the house?

[sighs]

Yeah, I got you. Mom.

Okay. [laughs]

-Hi, girl!
-Hey!

[in Tswana] Is your friend angry?

Yo! But it's not as bad as last Christmas.

[in Tswana] What happened last Christmas?

[in Tswana] You would have known
if you were here.

[Tumi] All you need to know
about my relationship with my mother,

is that until I was twelve,
I called my grandmother Mom

and my mother Big Sis, Dineo.

Hi, ma.

[in Tswana] Please,
don't ruin this for your sister.

Oh, lovely to see you, mother.

-[in Tswana] Khaya. Is that you?
-[in Xhosa] Yes, mom.

[Dineo] [in Xhosa]
How is your family doing?

[in Xhosa] Yes, mom,
they are well, thank you.

Thank you.

[in Xhosa] Oh, this is aunt Grace.

She's the youngest of the four.

The youngest,
the sexiest, the most gorgeous.

[Tumi] [in Xhosa] You go, girl.

Khaya, can you help me
take these things to the car?

-Okay.
-[in Tswana] No! He's too young for you.

[in Tswana] Well, I still would…

-No.
-Um…

-[Grace] Tumi?
-Mmm.

Please don’t k*ll each other
before the wedding.

So, uh…

[in Tswana] What's with
the Extreme Makeover Home Edition?

[Dineo] [in Tswana] When
the Twalas arrive here tomorrow,

[in Tswana] they need
to find everything perfect.

[in Tswana] Did you win the lottery?

[in Tswana] No.
The bride price is used for such things.

[in Tswana] The bride price money?
For renovating your house?

[in Tswana] What have you contributed?

[Tumi] And this is where I shut up.

[in Tswana] You know what?

[in Tswana] This wedding
is very important, Tumi.

I wonder how your Jesus feels
about Beauty hijacking His birthday?

[in Tswana] My Jesus will be happy
to see Beauty happy.

[in Tswana] The fittings
went very quickly I see.

[Tumi] sh*t.

[in Tswana] You forgot about the fittings?

Yes. No!

[in Tswana] I just thought
I would come by and greet you first.

And now that I’ve seen you…

Bye!

[sighs]

♪ I carry myself as if I'm a millionaire ♪

♪ I've been around
I've conquered them with my experience ♪

♪ I carry myself as if I'm a millionaire ♪

♪ I've been around
I've conquered them with my experience ♪

♪ It's Brentwood Omega
You mesmerize us with experience ♪

♪ From Hollywood-Bergville
No swank, but gets the girls ♪

[Candice] Welcome,
Minister Twala, Mrs. Twala.

[Vusi] Ah, thank you. Thank you.
It's good to be here.

[sighs] Yeah.

[Valencia] Mm-mm! This isn’t champagne.

It’s an excellent MCC.

-[Vusi] MCC?
-[hesitant] Yes.

What kind of Mickey Mouse operation
are you conducting here?

This wedding is of national importance
and is going to be televised.

Do you know what Black Twitter is like?
Do you want to make me a hash tag?

Please, don't.

[Lydia] [in Zulu] Oh,
this place is so beautiful.

Maybe we should
renew our wedding vows here.

[Sbu] Hey, Beauty will k*ll you
if you hijack our wedding, okay.

[Themba] [in Zulu]
Okay. That won't happen, okay.

We’re all under enough pressure.

[in Zulu] Lydia, please don't.

Are those the non-alcoholic ones?

No.

You’re off to a great start.

[Vusi] So Mama, what do you think

of your grandson getting married
in such a wonderful place?

You’re very lucky.

The owners wouldn't ordinarily close down
this place for a private function.

I guess that comes with the perks
of being a minister of distinction.

[in Zulu] I can't believe that your father
and I fought in the struggle

so that you could give
your money to white people.

[Sbu] [in Zulu] Granny.

What did she say?

She said that, um…

it's quite wonderful that we have
the whole place to ourselves.

So, are you going to show us our rooms,
or are we're going to sleep here?

Of course, I’m sorry.
Please come this way.

♪ Let's go and sleep
What is it you want to do ♪

[Themba] I can't believe this family
booked the whole place for Sbu.

He doesn't even have that many friends.

Is it weird that-- I don't know,

[in Zulu] I’m a bit jealous
that they did all of this for Sbu because,

I mean, this is Four Seasons hot--
[in Zulu] Uh-huh! No, come on, again?

[in Zulu] No way!
You always want to have sex.

Yes, I’m ovulating.

[light playful music playing]

[moaning] Okay.

[moaning]

Actually, this needs me on my back,
in missionary. It's better for conception.

[in Zulu] Do your thing, baby.

Mmm.

[in Zulu] The phone…

-What?
-Honey.

Sbu.

Sbu…

[in Zulu] Hey, bro.

[in Zulu] We've arrived
and everything is good.

Yeah.

[whispers] [in Zulu]
He wants me to go to him.

[in Zulu] No, it's fine,
I'm coming. I'll come to you.

Yeah, sharp!

Mm-mm! Baby, Sbu can wait.

Mm-mmm. But I need to--

[in Zulu] Look…

[in Zulu] I'm his brother
and I'm the best man,

-and you know how that can be.
-Of course.

-Maybe I should come and help you then.
-No!

No. No. No.

Look, you’re ovulating.

So, now relax

[in Zulu] because you
need to stay calm and "bake".

-Okay.
-[Themba] [in Zulu] Just like a stove.

Put these on.

For your swimmers to get more freedom.

[in Zulu] Right?

Also…

-To boost fertility.
-[mumbles] Okay.

Is this not an old wives’ tale?

Aren't wives usually right?

[playful music playing]

[bottle knocks on table]

[playful music continues]

[music ends]

-[lively music playing]
-[whistle blowing]

[heavy breathing]

Hey!

Aren’t I the most beautiful
Zulu-Tswana bride you've ever seen?

[Tumi] Ah, my sister. Always so modest.

Oh! Who could ever compare?

-[Tumi] Oh, look at you.
-You're late.

[Thando] We thought
your plane crashed and b*rned.

Crashed?

Wow! You're going have to pray
a little harder next time.

Khaya.

[Refiloe] Still looking
like my future baby daddy.

[in Zulu] Hold up,
Miss Loose Panty. That's my date.

We said no plus ones.

-But you're my sister.
-Yes, and as my sister,

you should know better.

We don't have food for him.
There's no space.

[Tumi] And yet
you booked out the Four Seasons.

Okay, guys. If there's a problem then

-[in Zulu] I don't have to come.
-No!

He can’t spend Christmas by himself.

[pleading] Come on, B.

He has no mother.

[light playful music playing]

Did you get me my wedding present?

Of course.

Tell her.

-I left it in Cape Town though.
-Well, I could save you the trip.

You see Sbu and I
weren’t going to have a honeymoon

because of the whole move to London

and how much that costs,
you know the pound and stuff. So…

So?

So, you can gift us your miles.

No. No. No. My miles are for Mauritius.

Oh, we love Mauritius.

[laughing]

You know had you arrived on time,

I could have found space
for Khaya over here,

but now you’re gonna have to sit with Mom.

[Tumi] Well played, Beauty.

You know, I’ll give you my miles.

Oh.

-Sister, you don't have to do that.
-Anything for you.

[Beauty] Hurry up and get dressed,
we have to leave for the next fitting.

[Themba] [in Zulu]
You're getting married, man.

A new job overseas,

[in Zulu] you've done really well
for yourself.

Yeah! From engaged to getting married
in three months.

Yeah, but you don't think
I'm rushing this?

-No.
-No?

-No. You--
-Yeah?

-You're fine. I mean unless you…
-Yeah?

[in Zulu] Did you get her pregnant?

[in Zulu] Are you getting married
because she's pregnant?

Lydia will k*ll me if you had a kid first.
You can't do that.

-Come on!
-We’re far from babies.

[in Zulu] You see with the London job,
we couldn't wait to get married.

-Plus Beauty really liked this place.
-It is really pretty.

-Might as well.
-Yeah, sharp.

I mean, your love will take you
through anything.

[in Zulu] You guys are okay.

-Sure.
-Yeah.

Until like…

[in Zulu] like the sound of her voice
makes you really tense. [grunts]

[in Zulu] You even pray to God and say,

[in Zulu] "Take me, Lord.
Take me first and throw me away.

[in Zulu] I'm done."

Well, I just hope your best man speech
is better than that, right?

-Yeah, no, I'm kidding.
-Oh.

-[in Zulu] I'm joking.
-[in Zulu] You're joking?

-Yeah.
-[in Zulu] You're joking?

Yeah. Marriage is great.

-[in Zulu] I'm telling you.
-Sure.

It's the best decision
I've ever taken in my life.

-Sure?
-Yeah.

[in Zulu] Great!

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

[loud sigh]

-Sure?
-Yeah.

Mmmm.

[Beauty] [whispers] Come on. [gasps]

-You look amazing!
-[Tumi] [whispers] f*ck.

-You don't like it.
-I love it.

It's so… breathtaking and stuff.

Also why do we need the three dresses?

Because it's three ceremonies.

-Did you not read anything on the group?
-I did. It's just…

in my mind,

[in Tswana] I didn't think we'd be
galivanting around Jo'burg for fittings.

Well, Tumi, had you arrived earlier,

we wouldn't have to squeeze
everything into one day

-and maybe we wouldn't be behind schedule.
-Chill, okay.

I'm sure Refiloe and Thando
have things sorted at the venue.

Tumi, you're the maid of honor.

Yeah. [tongue click]

You look nice.

You mean amazing. Thank you.

Baby, how long do you think
we're going to take here?

[in Tswana] Poor Khaya.
He's probably bored in the car.

-What's going on there?
-Where?

You and Khaya.

Oh, come on. Are you guys
done ignoring each other?

We weren’t. We were.

It’s been awkward for two years now.

I hope you know
you’re not getting any younger.

-I would rather die happy.
-You can’t be alone and happy.

How do you know? It's not like your family

is the poster
for happy endings in relationships.

[in Tswana] For real, listen.

Aunt Moipone's husband d*ed
when she was young.

Grace got dumped shortly after
her bride price was agreed.

Your uncle is married to alcohol.

I don't even want to talk
about your mother.

-You know, I’m pretty sure we’re cursed.
-Don’t say that.

Why? No, no, no,
we are actually better off alone.

What if Mom didn't want to be alone?

Dad made that decision for her.

Yeah.

What if he made a mistake?

[scoffs]

Guys, can you give us a second?

[sighs] Tight.

Whose address is this?

[in Tswana] It's Dad's.

[in Tswana] I asked Aunt Grace
to help me find him.

Just don’t tell Mom.

Come on, say something.

-Why now?
-Because what kind of bride

doesn’t have a father
to walk her down the aisle?

He left you
before you took your first steps.

-Okay, don’t you want to see him?
-No! But actually, I...

I don’t care about people who abandon me.

[in Tswana] Mom left me with Granny,

and you’ve seen what it’s like
between me and her.

[sighs] Yeah.

It just feels like something's missing.

You’re about to cement yourself
as Mommy's favorite daughter

and then marry the Black Prince Harry,

and I'm gonna say something nice
about you publicly at your reception.

Do you really need more than that?

Wow, Beauty. I'm good, I'm done.

I can't.

[soft sad music playing]

[music ends]

Look, I can take you to Mauritius,

but in return you're gonna have to be
my personal insta photographer.

[in Tswana]
Beauty is living in a fairytale,

or doesn’t think.

I have an idea.

We can maybe meet up later,
I'll cook you dinner,

and you can use your sommelier skills
to upgrade my wine collection.

That sounds great, right?

And we can talk about whatever’s
going on between you and your sister.

[sigh] I don’t want to talk.

Then I’ll help you with your speech.

♪ I will stay at the same place ♪

♪ Hurry up ♪

Look,

I’m glad that you called me.

And that things
aren’t awkward between us after…

everything that happened.

♪ Love ♪

♪ I'm looking ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ I'm looking ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ I'm looking ♪
♪ Love ♪

A free dinner sounds good.

Yeah!

But you have to pay me to help you
with your wine collection.

Oh, of course.

I’ll call you when I’m done.

Also, if you're gonna take me
to Mauritius,

you're gonna have to pack a selfie stick.

[Khaya laughs]

[soft music continues]

[music ends]

-[in Tswana] What?
-They want me to put up the tent.

You’re an engineering student.

Look at God!

[in Tswana] I hope you're not
taking the Lord's name in vain, Boitumelo?

Just praising Him
because He’s so good. Hallelujah.

[in Tswana] Amen.

[Shadrack] Ah, Boitumelo Sello!

[playful music playing]

[in Tswana] Did you bring me
nice alcohol from Cape Town?

[in Tswana] Hello, how are you?

[in Tswana] How are you? I'm fine.

[in Tswana] I'm kidding. You know,

you know I’ve got your back.

[Tumi] My uncle can drink anyone
under the table

and still be a fully functioning adult.

[in Tswana] All of you,
I don't want you drinking.

[in Tswana] We need to concentrate
and be focused.

[Gace] Then you wonder why

-[in Tswana] she doesn't come home.
-Amen.

[Dineo] [in Tswana] You too, Grace.

[in Tswana] We need to prepare
for tomorrow's gifting ceremony.

[in Tswana] Bokang.
Why are you just standing there?

-Tumi.
-Ma.

[in Tswana] Where are the towels?

[Tumi] Oh, the towel sets
for the gift giving ceremony tomorrow.

At least they would have been
if I had remembered to buy them.

[in Tswana] Think it's best
I bring them in the morning.

[in Tswana] Just before the Twalas arrive.

Uh-huh!

[in Tswana] I want
everything packed tonight!

[in Tswana] I don't want Dineo saying
I'm sabotaging her child's wedding.

-[in Tswana] All right, let me--
-[in Tswana] She's right.

Shadrack.

[in Tswana] Make sure you fetch the meat.

[in Tswana] Don't worry yourself, Dini.
I will bring back the best meat.

Succulent! Top class.

[in Tswana] With this rope.

[in Tswana] An electric one?

[sighs]

[in Tswana] And you Grace,
you're cooking with me at the venue.

[in Tswana] No, what's the point
of doing it at a venue then?

[in Tswana] It means
there's already catering.

[in Tswana] There's no need
for us to cook.

[Dineo] [in Tswana] Grace,
the Twala's paid for everything,

[in Tswana] but they can't pay
for good food.

[in Tswana] Also,
Grace makes the best potato salad.

[in Tswana] That's the only thing
she can make.

-[in Tswana] Oh, my goodness.
-[in Tswana] Listen here.

[in Tswana] I don't want any mistakes
for the next three days. No mistakes.

[in Tswana] No drama.
Do you hear me, Shadrack?

Yes.

[in Tswana] We're not you
or your children, Dineo.

[in Tswana] Sister Moipone.
What did you say about my kids?

[in Tswana] Please don't start with me.

-[in Tswana] I'm asking you.
-[in Tswana] Wait a minute.

[in Tswana] Let's go.

[in Tswana] You must lock up
Sister Moipone.

[in Tswana] The key is on the table.

-[in Tswana] Okay, I'm coming.
-[in Tswana] Hurry up!

[lively music playing]

♪ Join in, join in, Mapantsula ♪

[car horn beeping]

[shouts]

[ululating]

[laughter and shouting]

[indistinct speech]

[Bokang] Mama won’t get it.

[Tumi] Who cares? Just come out to her.

[in Tswana] I'm not like you.

My mum actually likes me.

And Terrence?
Is he going to "actually" like you,

[in Tswana] once I phone him
and uninvite him?

[Bokang] [in Tswana] Let's get a move on.

Your mum can't find us here.

-Don't forget, we have a deal.
-Okay.

[in Tswana] I'll help you with the towels,

and you call Terrence and tell him
that he can't come to the wedding.

Why did you invite him in the first place?

[in Tswana] I didn't invite him!

He assumed he is invited.

Wait, you got a plus one? Okay.

[whisper in Tswana]
Okay, you must distract her,

-and I'll get the towels. Go in!
-[gasp]

Hi.

-Oh, Precious. Baby girl!
-[Precious] What's going on?

[in Tswana] Baby girl.
So you know there’s a wedding, right?

[Dineo] [in Tswana] But Grace,
why are you chopping such big pieces?

[in Tswana] This is the size
you said you wanted.

[in Tswana] I didn't say that.

[in Tswana] Then you come and chop them.

[in Tswana] This is why men leave you.

[in Tswana] Oh! Where's your ring then?

[Dineo] [in Tswana] Me?
At least I had a ring on my finger before.

[in Tswana] You on the other hand…

[in Tswana] Wow!

Mrs. Sello, as we discussed,
you are welcome to cook here,

even though we do
have a Michelin star chef.

Can he make my mother’s mutton curry?

-Well, no, but--
-Then that's not good enough.

It’s just that we have an aesthetic here.

And that aesthetic does not include
three-legged pots sitting outside

for everyone to see.

Your aesthetic doesn’t
accommodate Black people?

Yes!

I mean...

No! I mean…

[nervous inhale] You know what?

The pots are fine. I love them.

So authentic! [nervous chuckle]

Happy, happy cooking.

[whispers] Oh, God.

[Grace laughs]

[in Tswana] I forget
that you can be a boss sometimes.

[in Tswana] A Sello boss.

[in Tswana] Please go back to work,
the fun is over.

-Sisters! Sisters!
-[Grace laughs]

[in Tswana] The meat has arrived.

-[Grace laughs] Shadrack.
-Oh, my goodness, Shadrack!

-[in Tswana] It's alive!
-[in Tswana] Don't worry, Dini.

[in Tswana] I will slaughter it nicely.

[in Tswana] Plus your mutton curry
will be so tender.

[in Tswana] It's an orphan.
I got it for a discount.

-[in Tswana] Where's my change?
-[in Tswana] I had to get a truck.

[in Tswana] What about your crappy car?

[in Tswana] I didn't want
to traumatize it. It's an orphan.

[in Tswana] With that piece of junk.

[in Tswana] Did you spend my money
on alcohol?

-[in Tswana] Let me smell your breath.
-[quick exhale]

[in Tswana] Again.

-[short exhale]
-Shadrack!

[Valenica] [in Zulu] I think she said
the kitchen is this way.

-[in Tswana] Kelebogile, come here.
-[footsteps]

Hello, Valencia.

Dineo.

-[in Tswana] This is Grace.
-Yeah, Grace.

[in Zulu] It looks
like you need help in here.

[in Tswana] Yes,
you can help chop over there.

[tutting]

Dineo doesn’t need our help
with preparing tomorrow’s lunch.

-[in Zulu] Isn't that right, Dineo?
-[in Tswana] My team is ready.

[Valencia] Good for you.

You know having a personal chef
has made me so lazy.

Nice life problems.

Oh, well.

-[sheep bleats]
-Shh.

[in Zulu] What was that?

[Grace bleats]

[all bleat together]

Family choir.

[in Zulu] We'll leave you ladies to it.

See you tomorrow, Valencia.

[in Tswana] Get that sheep out
and make sure no one sees you, Shadrack.

-[in Tswana] Come help me, Grace.
-[in Tswana] I'll come help you, Brother.

[in Tswana] Where are you going?
You're not done cooking.

[in Tswana] Grace, let's go!

[in Tswana] My pots are burning.

-[Grace] Shadrack!
-[Dineo] Grace!

[lively music playing]

[Vusi] Hallelujah!

We're about to die of hunger.

-[Lydia] Themba.
-Okay.

[Valencia] [in Zulu] Thank you, my boy.

Sbu, how did your wedding prep issues go?

What wedding prep issues?

[in Zulu] She's talking about

the one-on-one.
The brotherly mentorship thing.

[Sbu] Oh, yeah. Yes.

Themba, you know
that my ovulation window is small.

[in Zulu] I'm sorry.

It’s these hormone injections
that I'm taking.

Injections?

[Sbu] [in Zulu] Yes, Grandma,
so that she can fall pregnant.

[in Zulu] Why don't you just screw?
That's the way to get pregnant.

[in Zulu] Grandma,
it's actually a long story.

[Vusi] [clears throat]
Here’s to giving South Africa

an extravaganza that will trend for hours.

[Sbu] [in Zulu] I don't know
why I agreed to a camera crew.

Can’t it just be interviews?

Sbu, I didn’t pay all this money
to book out The Four Seasons,

just so we could do more interviews.

[in Zulu] Could you learn to just
be a little grateful, my child?

I mean, you sprung this
on us so fast, Sbusiso.

I understand. It's just that

I didn't want you guys to turn this
into a political party conference.

[in Zulu] You see I just wanted
something small. Nothing major.

Sbusiso.

Look at Themba and Lydia.
They had a big wedding

and look how happy they are.

[in Zulu] But they are not screwing.

[light playful music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

[in Tswana] Aunt, here you go.

The towel sets are ready

[in Tswana] for the Twala Aunties.

Ah, good girl!

[Thando] Why did you bring them
all the way here from the house?

[Tumi] If this girl winds up dead,
just know I did it.

[in Tswana] I've said this before,

I don’t want to be blamed for sabotaging

[in Tswana] my sister's wedding.

[Thando] Okay.

-Just give them to me and I'll put them--
-[in Tswana] No, it's okay. I've got them.

[Moipone] [in Tswana] Give them to Thando.
She knows where to put them.

[Thando] Babe, sorry.
Did you get these from the hotel?

[Tumi] In retrospect,
this was a geniously bad idea.

No.

No, but this is the hotel’s monogram.

[Refiloe] No, friend, maybe,

maybe the venue buys the towels
from the same shop as her. Duh!

[Tumi] Dear sweet Refiloe.

You were going to give my in-laws

stolen towels
from the hotel they paid for?

[in Tswana] Bokang, do you also steal now?

[in Tswana] She did this all on her own.

No, I was going to go buy towels
in the morning.

These are just, you know, for now.

[in Tswana] Do you know what?

[in Tswana] I have a friend
who can help us by opening her shop early.

-She sells this type of stuff--
-Relax, okay?

-They’re just towels.
-Yep.

[in Tswana] These towels
are for the welcoming ceremony.

[Tumi] At least I’m catching heat
from my aunt and not my mother.

Yes, ma'am.

[in Tswana] Maybe you should hear this
from your mother.

Mama…

-[sheep bleats]
-[Shadrack bleats]

Grace,

[in Tswana] do you see this sheep?

[in Tswana] I gave it a name.

[in Tswana] Her name is succulent.

[in Tswana] Dineo is crazy.
We are going to eat it.

[in Tswana] Yes, we are going to eat it.

[in Tswana] She'll tell everybody it's
the best mutton curry she's ever made.

-[in Tswana] You know her.
-[in Tswana] She's ridiculous.

[in Tswana] She and her sister, Moipone,
are in the same WhatsApp group.

[in Tswana] They talk too much.

[high voice] Wha-wha-wha.

[in Tswana] Yes, all the time
you just hear her shouting "Grace!"

Shadrack!

[Dineo] Grace! Shadrack!

[Dineo] Emergency!

[lively music playing]

[Tumi] [in Tswana]
You're all overreacting.

[shouting] These are just towels!

[in Tswana] Boitumelo,
you like to provoke people.

[Shadrack] [in Tswana] So
the emergency is about towels?

[in Tswana] With respect,
I could list all your faults,

but we would be here for a while.

[in Tswana] Don't talk to me like that.

[in Tswana] What else must I do?

[in Tswana] Tumi,
my in-laws are going to hear you.

That’s all you care about?

Yes, this is my wedding.

[sighs] I don’t need this.
You know, if I’m such a problem,

-then have this wedding without me.
-Ohh my goodness!

-[Dineo] Tumi.
-[Tumi] [scoffs]

[in Tswana] What's really going on?

[in Tswana] So, seriously,
the emergency was the towels?

[upbeat music playing]

[stammering] Sorry, Ma.

I hope you’re not on your way
to see Sbusiso. It’s bad luck.

No… no, um…

the decorations…

[clears throat]

You know, Mom,
I'm so happy to be marrying Sbu.

Of course.
You’ll never have to work again.

Oh, I wasn’t talking about money.

Don’t pretend.
It's just the two of us here.

[in Zulu] Go to bed, Beauty.

You don’t want those dark circles

around your eyes
tomorrow in your pictures, right?

[whispers in Zulu] You'll look ugly.

[soft music playing]

[knocking on door]

-Hi.
-It's bad luck.

Okay, okay. What's wrong?

-Everyone’s ruining my wedding.
-You want me to go deal with them?

-Yeah.
-Yeah?

No. [sniffs]

It'll just make things worse.

-Let’s just go sign at Home Affairs.
-No.

I’m not cancelling my dream wedding
just because you’re cheap.

Cheap? Cheap?

-It's bad luck.
-Okay, okay.

Do you know how much a London flat costs?

And only God knows
why you selected a two bedroom.

It's for our future babies.

Yeah, but we’re far away from that.
I mean, thank God, right?

-What?
-Nothing.

[whispers] Can I get married
without my mother and sister fighting?

-Do you want us to wait for them to stop?
-No.

The next available date
for this venue is in

and that’s not enough time for those two.

Well,

I think I know
how to make you feel better.

Yeah.

-Come here. Come here.
-[moans]

Come here.

[moaning]

-Not until after the wedding.
-Shh.

[Beauty moans]

No, baby. It's bad luck.

You sound like my mom.

-Nope.
-I’m joking! I'm joking, it was a joke.

[soft music playing]

♪ You know, loving someone
Loving them so much ♪

♪ You think of the future
Getting married ♪

♪ Your kids' mother ♪

♪ You're complete when you're with them ♪

♪ But she intends to leave you
And be with other men ♪

♪ I don't know what more to say ♪

♪ And live without you ♪

[Themba] Hey.

Hey.

[Tumi] [in Tswana] What's up?

[Themba] Sure. [clears throat]

[in Zulu] Where's your wife?

[in Zulu] The wife is sleeping.

She's fast asleep.

I'm just feeling a bit restless,

[in Zulu] you know. And you?

I quit the wedding.

What?

-I didn’t know you could do that.
-[in Zulu] I'm the queen of the game.

[in Zulu] Look, I even stole their wine.

No, thank you.

Good choice.

This stuff tastes like pee.

Hmm.

[in Zulu] Let me have a look.

I know this wine.
This wine's supposed to be really good,

but you're the expert.

[Tumi] Reputation doesn’t mean good taste.

You should take in the nose of the wine.

Tell me, what do you smell?

Alcohol?

-[in Zulu] Oh! Zulu boys.
-[in Zulu] Whatever.

You should be able to scent it’s spices,
you know,

and the wood from where the barrel's from.

See, the scent of a wine
can tell you its life story.

But in your case,
this one is free. So, have some.

No, I'm fine. Thank you.

Oh, come on! It's one drink,
it's not going to hurt you.

I want to be clear-headed for tomorrow,
I want to be focused.

-And so should you.
-[Tumi] No, no, no!

See, I'm fine right here in wine land.

See, here I don’t feel so alone

and I'm not judged
for every mistake that I make.

Sounds nice.

Yeah, it is.

Just…

one night of being free.

[in Zulu] And wine doesn't judge.

[groans]

[in Zulu] Take it.

-[in Zulu] "Take it."
-[in Zulu] You're annoying.

[Themba] Okay.

[Themba groans]

Not to bad.

[in Zulu] Wait, walk properly.

-[in Zulu] I am walking properly.
-[indistinct speech]

[together] ♪ You're gonna burn out ♪

♪ All my love ♪

-I feel so alive, man.
-[Tumi] Yup.

I could do anything.

-[shouting] I can do anything!
-Themba, you're the man!

[groaning]

[singing]

[Themba] ♪ I've been watching you ♪

Okay.

Let’s go swimming!

-Do you even know how to swim?
-No!

[lively music playing]

♪ Freedom, for my love ♪

♪ Freedom, for my love ♪

♪ Freedom, for my love ♪

♪ Freedom, for my love ♪

[music slows down and changes]

[playful music playing]

♪ I'm hanging out with the guys
On the streets, hustling for her ♪

[phone ringing]

[Khaya] Hey, where you at?

I thought we had plans.

I guess Beauty must be working you
really hard, huh?

Call me when you get this.

♪ Even if you can leave me
You'll miss me ♪

♪ They've taken my love ♪

♪ They've taken my wife ♪

♪ They've taken my love ♪

♪ They've taken my wife ♪

♪ They've taken my love ♪

♪ They've taken my wife ♪

[Vusi] I’m sure Themba’s fine
and there’s no need for this hullabaloo.

[Lydia] He’s still not answering
his phone.

-[Sbu] He must be somewhere around here.
-I’m going to look for him.

[Valencia] [in Zulu] Oh, no.

[in Zulu] I'm not going to allow
that child's paranoia to annoy our guests.

-[Vusi] Sbu.
-Yes.

Which one do you think
is gonna work better for the camera?

[light playful music playing]

[Lydia] [in Zulu] Hello, may I please ask

-has anyone seen my husband around?
-[Dineo] Any problem?

No. No problem.

[in Tswana] What's going on?

Let me go and check.

[in Tswana] Go, finish up. I'm just happy
that this drama doesn't involve us

[in Zulu] and Shadrack
got rid of the sheep.

-About that…
-Uh-huh.

[in Tswana] You and Shadrack.

[in Tswana] Sister.

[Grace] [in Tswana] Don't leave me.

[in Tswana] He wanted to slaughter it,
but he was too drunk. I took him home,

[in Tswana] but I couldn't load
the sheep into the van on my own.

[in Tswana] The two of you
had one job and you failed.

-[in Tswana] Oh, my goodness.
-[in Tswana] So where's the sheep?

[in Tswana] It was tied here, Sister.

-[in Tswana] Do you see a sheep here?
-[in Tswana] Oh, my goodness, Sister.

[in Tswana] You see Candice
and the Twalas.

[in Tswana] They can't find it
before we do.

[in Tswana] There's the Twala family.

[Dineo] [in Tswana] Let's go.

[running footsteps]

[lively music playing]

-[Dineo] Are you still looking for Themba?
-[Vusi] Unfortunately so.

-[in Zulu] Lydia, try calling him again.
-Okay.

[phone ringing]

[in Tswana] Let me go check that side.

[phone ringing]

[lively music continues]

[sighs]

[phone ringing]

[Lydia] Tumi? Why do you have
Themba’s phone?

[Tumi] Oh, f*ck.

-It's just, um…
-[sheep bleats]

-[whispers] Tumi!
-Where is my husband?

Why are his underpants
floating in the pool?

That’s not what it looks like. Um…

Was he drinking?

[Tumi] A sh*t load. A little.

-We have to call the police.
-No, no, no.

[Dineo] [in Tswana]
Boitumelo, what were you doing?

-[in Tswana] What did you do?
-[Vusi] We're not calling the police.

What if those media vultures
find out? No police.

-[in Zulu] She's starting again.
-Wait a minute. What's the fuss all about?

Themba’s a recovering alcoholic.

Yo!

[Tumi] That explains a lot.

[Vusi] Yes and the last time Themba drank,

he ended up in Mozambique
without a passport.

He caused me a diplomatic incident
of note and tainted my image.

We’ll find him
before he gets to Mozambique.

[in Zulu] Look. What's this?

[in Zulu] What is this?

[Lydia] I'm going to k*ll you!

-[Sbu] No, no, no.
-No, wait! Wait!

[Grace] Just jump! Come here!

-[Tumi] How?
-Come here.

-[talking over each other]
-[Vusi] Please!

[Lydia] Get out of my way.

-[in Zulu] This wedding is off.
-[Sbu] Huh-uh, Mum--

-Peasant!
-[Vusi] Val… Valencia.

Tumi, what’s going on?

[Tumi] I told you
it wasn’t what it looked like.

[Beauty] Tumi!

-[Tumi] It's worse.
-[sheep bleats]

[closing theme music playing]

♪ Do it through a hole ♪

♪ Play this b*at through a hole ♪

♪ Do the get-downs through a hole ♪

♪ How do you do it? ♪
♪ Through a hole ♪

♪ Play this b*at through a hole ♪

♪ Play this b*at through a hole ♪

♪ It's December now ♪

♪ Through a hole ♪