03x02 - A Moth to the Flame

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "How to Ruin Christmas". Aired: 16 December 2020 – present.*
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South African comedy centres around the Christmas gatherings of a newly-wedded couple and their respective families, as they navigate their own inner turmoils in the midst of the pending event.
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03x02 - A Moth to the Flame

Post by bunniefuu »

-[dog barking]
-[sirens sounding]


[in Zulu] You brought Zama into our lives.

I blame you.

[in English] Now the Sellos
are downstairs in our lounge.


[in Tswana] How did we get here?

[in Zulu] I know who started the fire.

[in Tswana] It was me.

[tense, whimsical music playing]

And you.

And you. And you.

It was all of us,
and that's why God is punishing us.


That's nonsense.

[in English] Dineo's house...
[in Zulu] ...my car, it's all connected.


It's a sign from our mother.

[in Tswana] Don't be ridiculous.
This is clearly the work of the devil.


Maybe we should pray
and ask God for forgiveness.


[in English] Forgiveness for what?

[in Zulu] The problem is
we have turned our backs on each other.


-Mom won't stop taking and destroying...
-[shushes]


...until we unite and talk to her.

When we get to the lodge,
we will connect with Mom together.


Then let's hope Mom
won't burn down any more houses.


I hope that makes you happy.

[chuckles, sighs]

I wonder what she's doing right now.

[in English] Drinking.

Fornication!

-Vanity.
-[scoffs]


-[in Tswana] Sodom and Gomorrah.
-[gasps]


-Not Sodom and Gomorrah.
-[laughs]


[in English] Yeah, you're right.

[in Tswana] I must be the problem.

I need to get to the bottom of this

and find out why this happened.

[in Zulu] Okay, great.
We'll finally reconnect with Mom.


[in English] No. Enough.

Vusi, we really need to handle this.

No one can find out about this.

-[elevator dings]
-[in Zulu] People like to talk.


What are you talking about?
Zama or the fire?


[in English] Both.

[upbeat music playing]

[in Tswana] Faithful God,

loving God,

Father God who always leaves us in awe
with his wonders,


I am thankful
that you have not forsaken me.


Like your word says
in Luke chapter , verse ,


that you're a God who reveals
what's been concealed in the dark.


We are so grateful, Lord,

that from lost pensions
to lost homes, Father,


I know you will restore.

-Valencia?
-[in English] Y... Yes?


[in Tswana] We're praying.
Please come and join us in prayer.


Do you know what the word of God says?

"When two or three people
are gathered in prayer,


there am I in the midst of them."

-Amen.
-[Dineo] Amen.


[Valencia in Zulu] Let's close our eyes.

[sighs]

[in English] Our Father who art in heaven...

F... For what we're about to receive...

H... Hail Mary full of grace.

-Amen.
-[all] Amen.


[in Tswana] Thank you
for those words of prayer.


[in English] And thank you so much
for taking us in tonight.


It's the least I could do.

[in Zulu] We're family.

[in English] Um, okay.
Let me show you to your rooms.


Did she just call us family?

[in Tswana] What about that prayer?

[in English] Smoke inhalation.

-Babe?
-Hmm?


Are you okay?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm good. I'm great. Never better.


You know, I'm soaring.
I'm flying with the eagles.


Where's my mom?
I think she was somewhere here.


Let me head that side quickly.

Definitely smoke inhalation.

[upbeat music plays]

[Themba in Zulu] What I'm saying is,
everyone was invited to stay at the house.


What about us?

[in English] They don't have
a home to go to.


Okay. And the elephants?

I'm sure Shaka'll get his share
when the time is right.


[in Zulu] Look at what happened
at the venue.


They just left the venue,
and we didn't get to go to Konka.


[in English] Yeah, okay, fine.
That was a little f*cked up. But, babe...


[in Zulu] You see.
Don't you see what's happening?


They don't see me,
which means they don't see you or Shaka.


[in English] It's fine.
Sbu can balance all the books.


It's all good. I'm the visionary here.

I'm the visionary here!

-[whispering] Themba.
-What? Oh!


-[Shaka crying]
-[in Zulu] No, man.


[Lydia sighs]

[in English] Great.

Well...

I hope that you can envision
some dirty nappies in your future.


[grumbles]

-[in Zulu] Come along.
-For what?


-Come with me.
-What?


Come with me. Tag team.

[Lydia in English] Oh, sh*t.

[Themba in Zulu]
But do you see what I'm talking about?


-[in English] That's all I'm saying...
-Themba!


[upbeat music playing]

Tumi booked a flight to be home with Mom.

I mean, do you think it would be weird
if we still went?


[toothbrush buzzing]

You're probably right.
We should probably stay.


f*ck, man.

[water stops]

I didn't know it meant that much to you.
We can definitely still go.


It'll give Tumi a chance
to shine for once.


It's not that.
It's the fact that I f*cking froze.


Okay, you were going into labor,
and I wanted to call the Hawks.


The first thing I thought about
was the Hawks.


Baby. When it's real, you'll be fine.

You sure?

Mm-hmm. Want me to do something
to make you feel better?


Hmm? Want some of this? Hmm?

I want to find out about the gender.

[whimsical music plays]

Now you're pushing it.

Baby, think about it, okay?

What if it's a boy,
and we're not prepared,


and then you squash its penis
during birth?


What?

It could happen.

Maybe.

Sbu, we promised to wait for the birth
to find out the gender of the baby,


as God intended.

-So, please, let's not tempt fate, okay?
-Okay.


Pinky promise. Come on.

-Mm-hmm.
-[Sbu chuckles]


Mm-hmm. Come on.

[Beauty chuckles]

-[Beauty spits]
-[Sbu] Fine.


But if my baby is born
with a broken penis, it's all on you.


[hip-hop song playing]

Ah.

The minister will be with you shortly.
Would you like anything to drink?


Yeah, a Savanna.

Okay, fine.
[in Tswana] Gin and tonic, then.


[hip-hop song continues]

[song distorts, ends]

[Zama clears throat]

[Vusi in English]
You're not from the office.


[in Tswana] Obviously.
How else am I supposed to get in here


with your Robben Island security?

[in English] Listen, Zama,
we can't do this here, okay?


Yeah, sure.

[in Tswana] I wouldn't mind
a new apartment.


[in English] Yeah, please.
Let's go. Just go.


If Valencia sees you here,
we are both dead.


[in Tswana] What?

[in English] Hey... Get...

[Vusi] This way.

I'm sorry,
but, um, I just wasn't expecting you.


But I am happy,
you know, that you're here.


Well, not here, per se, but in general.

[in Tswana] Okay, then,
if you're so happy,


let's go inside,
and get your wife and your kids,


and tell them that you're full of sh*t.

[in English] Let's not do that.
Let's go this way. Please, go this way.


[Zama grunts]

You do know that this is not easy for me.

Let me tell you what I do know.

[in Tswana] It's December.
[in English] And Cape Town is calling.


[in Tswana] And they don't do lay-bys
at Rich Mnisi.


-[in English] It's just about money, then?
-It wasn't.


[in Tswana] But it is now, babes.
So please pay me tonight.


[in English] Otherwise,
I'm going on my live Instagram


with my , followers...

[in Tswana] ...and I'm telling them
about you and I in a juicy story time.


[in English] Please don't do that, okay?

I'm going to pay you the money.
I promise you.


But I was hoping to be...
a little bit more than just that to you.


Not you coming late to a groove
and expecting VIP treatment.


I mean it.

Me too.

You had your chance,
and you made it very clear...


[in Tswana] ...that you don't want me.

[in English] So pay up,
and I'll be gone for good,


and you can continue to play happy family...
[in Tswana] ...with your people.


-[in English] Let me explain.
-Okay.


[in Tswana] Let me DM Maphepha Ndaba

and let them know
what kind of person you are.


-[in English] Please, don't do that.
-[car door shuts]


Please.

[in Zulu] Dad.

[in English] Dad.

[Vusi] My favorite son.

-[Vusi chuckles]
-Really?


[in Zulu] What are you doing here?

I'm here to pitch you something.

Who is... What is she doing here?

Who?

[Themba] The slay queen in the bushes.

Oh, Zama.

You know that she's close to Beauty.

[in English] So, um, she came to, um...

pass her condolences.

-[in Tswana] You know what?
-[in Zulu] Regarding the burnt house.


[Zama tuts]

[in English] Deadline.

Tonight. Maphepha Ndaba.[/i]

-[in Tswana] What's up, Tshepo?
-Themba.


[Zama in English] Yeah.

[in Zulu] Dad.

What about Maphepha Ndaba?

[in English] You said you had something
to pitch to me, son.


[in Zulu] What do you want to pitch?

[in English] Come. Let's walk.
Let's go to the house.


-[Themba] So, you see what I'm saying...
-Dad, listen.


I don't know what I'm doing.
I need your advice as a father, please.


[in Zulu] Wait a minute, Sibusiso.
I was here first, Dad. Stand in line.


What line?
[in English] This is important, okay?


-[Themba and Sbu overlapping]
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!


The two of you, please stop. Okay?

Talk to your brother about this pitch.

And you talk to your brother about
this fatherhood thing. All right? Please.


-But, Dad.
-Baba.


-Baba.
-Dad!


[phone vibrating]

-[phone clicks]
-Siya!


-[in Zulu] Not now. What do you want?
-I'm good. What's good with you?


I have everything we need
for the ceremony tomorrow.


Tell me, how's your stomach?

My stomach?

They have medicine here
to clear your bowels.


I know you get constipation
from all that suburbia food.


[in English] My bowels are perfectly fine.
Thank you.


Oh, okay.

[in Zulu] What about in the bedroom?
Don't you need help?


They have something here
to help with your erection,


to improve your sex life.

[Vusi sighs heavily]

-Vusimuzi?
-[phone disconnects]


[in English] Hello?

Hey!

[in Tswana] Tumi, don't ruin your holiday
by coming back.


Coming back won't help anything.

We'll talk later.

How... [hesitates, sighs]

[in Zulu] Dineo, you know we have
a tumble dryer in this household?


Hmm. [sighs]

Tell me, Dineo, have you heard
from your insurance company?


[in Tswana]
They have to do an investigation


before they can pay out.

[in English] Investigations?

How...

W... Why are they
investigating an accident?


[exclaims]

[Dineo] I see why you rely
on tumble dryers.


-Val?
-[Valencia] Hmm?


[in Zulu] Uh, you do know
that we have a tumble dryer, right?


Dineo told me

that they're launching an investigation
into the cause of the fire.


-Really?
-Yes.


[in Tswana] If only they knew
that I'm only left with that dress,


and I'm wearing someone else's gown.

I'll stay on the insurance company's back
to ensure they investigate,


until they pay me out.

[in Zulu] Let me help you.

Dineo, you are aware that it's Christmas?

[in English] So you should be spending
Christmas, ahem, with your family,


yeah, in this difficult time.

[in Tswana] How, Valencia?

I don't have a house.

[in Zulu] You should spend Christmas
with us at the lodge.


-[in English] What?
-[in Zulu] Yes. These investigations...


[in English] ...they take time.
You know, weeks and weeks.


M... Months even.

[in Tswana] I don't know.

[in Zulu] I also don't know
about that, Val.


Yeah, Dineo, think of Beauty.

She needs her mother
because her due date is close.


[in Tswana] Valencia,
look at what I'm wearing.


That dress is the only thing I own.

[in English] No, don't worry.
We'll sort it out.


[splutters, grunts]

Listen, you've been through a lot.

[in Zulu] Take this
and go and think about it.


[in English]
Then we're gonna sort things out.


And then, what's the big plan?

Keep her as far away
from this investigation.


[in Zulu] Do you hear me, Vusi?
I don't want her finding out the truth.


Listen...

-Patience!
-[woman in English] Yes, ma'am.


[in Zulu] Come here.

[in English] Sorry, ma'am,
my name is not Patience. I'm Miranda.


Yeah, okay. [in Zulu] Take all of this
and put it in the tumble dryer.


How, Vusi? Why are they investigating?
What does she want us to do?


[whimsical music playing]

[in Tswana] But elders,

you all know that Sun City is expensive.

[gasps]

This card is for those going to the lodge,
and not a baecation.


[Shadrack] It's not up to you.

It's about our beloved sister, Dineo,
who I love so much.


I don't know if I'm going or not.

Sister, the fact that Valencia
invited you to the lodge...


[in English] ...is a miracle,
a Christmas miracle.


But you shouldn't go alone.

You need us as backup.

[in Tswana] After all,
we know how the Twala people are.


Besides, it's Christmas.

We should be spending this time
with Beauty.


It's okay. We'll go together.

We're coming back on Boxing Day.

[upbeat music playing]

Friend, let's go to Sandton.

[Dineo] We're going with her,
or else she'll finish the Twala money.


You're a wise woman.

You're beautiful.

[Dineo] Let's go, Shadrack.

Grace?

[music fades]

[Valencia in Zulu] Are you telling me
she was here in my house?


Huh? With my babies
and the Sellos roaming around?


But no one saw her.

[in English] Well, except for Themba.

You see, Vusi,
it's exactly what I didn't want.


[in Zulu] Pay her.

Val, is there no other solution?

No. Pay her.
I don't want to see her in my house.


[whimpers]

[door closes]

[phone vibrates]

[phone chimes]

[phone whooshes]

[typing]

[phone chimes]

-[in English] f*ck! [sighs]
-["Lifestyle" by Da L.E.S. plays]


-♪ Rowdy, rowdy, rowdy, rowdy, rowdy ♪[/i]
-♪ Man, do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it ♪

♪ Do it ♪

♪ On the high now ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle on the high now ♪


♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle on the high now ♪


♪ She told me she lovin' my lifestyle
I'm young, and I'm livin' my life now ♪


♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle is a vibe now ♪


♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle... ♪


-[Succulent bleating]
-[music distorts, stops]


[song resumes]

♪ Just bought a new crib for my mama now ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ 'Cause we started from the bottom now ♪

♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle on the high now ♪


♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle... ♪


[in Zulu] Let's slaughter this sheep
for Mom.


I'm ready.

♪ I'm living my life now ♪

♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle is a vibe now ♪


[in English] I'm here!

♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle on the high now ♪


♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle on the high now ♪


♪ She told me she lovin' my lifestyle
I'm young, and I'm livin' my life now ♪


♪ Lifestyle, yeah, my lifestyle
Yeah, my lifestyle is a vibe now ♪


[instrumental continues]

[song ends]

[upbeat song playing]

[elephant trumpets]

[growling]

[upbeat song continues]

[song fades]

Thank you.

[in Zulu] Siya, we need to go
and communicate with Mom now.


But we've only just arrived.

I thought we could
go on a game drive first,


check the minibar for alcohol,

and then maybe get a massage as well.

[Vusi] What?

You were the one rushing me
to connect with Mom.


And now?

You know that my shoulder
has been bothering me since .


I don't want to be stressed
talking to Mom.


[in English] Siya, I need answers,
and I need them now.


[in Zulu] We need to connect
with Mom, okay?


Here's the plan.

Let me get everything together.

Then we'll meet at the boma
in ten minutes.[/i]

-[in English] Ten minutes?
-Yeah, yeah. Yeah.


-Siya?
-Huh?


Ten minutes. Ten.

Yes.

[upbeat hip-hop song playing]

[Themba grunts]

Love, love!

[Lydia] That was
the shortest ten minutes in the world.


-Uh...
-[Lydia] Huh?


[Themba in Zulu]
The sitter tried to change him alone.


-[Lydia sighs]
-She ended up quitting.


Now there is a dry-cleaning bill
I have to settle. Please watch him.


Uh, why must I watch him?

[in English] You're a father, so father.

Oh. I can father. I can father.

-[Lydia] Huh?
-Yeah. I can... I can do it.


-[in Zulu] All right, take him.
-[Sbu in English] I can...


[Themba and Lydia speaking in baby talk]

[Lydia] Mommy is...

-There we go.
-Hi, little one.


[in Zulu] Everything will be fine.

-[in English] But seriously, Sbu...
-Yeah?


If you need to change him,
please find someone to help hold him down.


-Okay, but where am I gonna...
-[Lydia] Don't worry. It'll be fine.


Hey, little one. Hey. Hey.

[sniffs] Oh!

Uh, Themba? Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[in Zulu] He pooped.

[Dineo in English] What do you mean
you're suspecting foul play?


What foul play?

-Hello? Hello?
-[phone disconnects]


[in Tswana] Oh my goodness.

[Dineo in English] Hello? Hello?

Hello?

-Valencia.
-[Valencia] Yes.


-[in Tswana] Thank goodness you're here.
-Okay.


-I need to go back home.
-Oh.


Yeah.

[in English] This was a mistake.

[in Tswana] And you must know
that there's no signal here.


There's no signal here, and they've made
a breakthrough in the investigation.


So, I'm going back home.

[in English] Because this was just
a mistake.


-Breakthrough?
-[in Tswana] Yes, Valencia.


[in Zulu] Dineo, why don't you join
Beauty and I at the spa...


[in English] ...so that you can just relax?

[in Tswana] How can I relax

when they are trying
to cheat me out of my money?


No, Valencia.

Maybe this is what I deserve
for forcing Beauty into that baby launch.


[in English] No. No, no, no, it was on me.

And I feel so bad
to destroy your ugly baby piñata.


Uh... [sighs]

So why don't you do
a small baby shower for Beauty?


[in Tswana] No.
The last time we tried this,


it came down like the Tower of Babylon.

[in English] It's because
you were not in charge.


So this time, you're gonna be in charge.

How about really something extra-special?

Okay.

What about a surprise gender reveal?

That's a bad idea.
[in Zulu] You know that Beauty doesn't...


[in Tswana] Valencia.
You said I'd make all the decisions?


[in Zulu] Of course, of course.
I did say that.


[in English] So how
are we gonna find the gender?


[in Tswana] I have an idea.

[chuckles softly]

[bleating]

[upbeat music playing]

[in Tswana] Brother, can you see
that this "rich aunt" life suits me?


[gags]

Brother, you're drinking water?

No, man. What's going on?

Grace, I'm the one
who started the fire at the house.


Huh?

What was I supposed to do?

I was hungry,
and the electricity was going on and off.


I didn't know what to do.

I just taped the main switch.

-[gasps]
-I'm not an electrician.


No, man!

-How would I have known...
-Shadrack!


If you love Dineo...

[in English] ...you will never,
ever repeat this.


[in Tswana] Repeat what?

Sister, Shadrack...

[shudders softly]

Shadrack said Beauty looks so ugly.

He thinks the baby must be a girl.

So I told him, "No, man."
[in English] "You must never repeat that."


Never.

[in Tswana] You know
what pregnant women are like.


It's okay. I have news for you.

Valencia and I are planning
a surprise gender reveal party for Beauty.


-[sighs]
-[Dineo] I need your help.


[in English] Your word is my command.

[in Tswana] Okay. Let's meet
at the dining hall in ten minutes.


I'm going to have a word with the chef.

I'm coming right now.

-Succulent.
-[bleats]


Why didn't I go to Rustenburg instead?

[romantic music playing]

♪ Salty, salty love ♪

♪ Salty, salty ♪

♪ My sweet, sweet, my sweet lover... ♪

-[in Zulu] Hello.
-[in Zulu and Tswana] Hello to you too.


[in English] I'm Grace.

You sure it's not...
[in Zulu] ...You're Beautiful?


-[laughs]
-[in Tswana] 
Omuhle who?[/i]

We're Tswanas.

[in English] I'm Jean. En-Jean-tée.

You wanna go for a ride...

on the wild side?

[in Tswana] Grace.
Dineo is waiting for us. Let's go.


[scoffs] Cover for me, brother.

[in English] Just tell her
something came up. Um, an emergency.


[in Tswana] What emergency?

Horniness, brother.

Horniness.

[Afrikaans] Okay, let's go.

Grace!

[serene music playing]

[Vusi in Zulu] I hear you, Themba, but...

Dad, listen, on page ,
I've outlined everything.


Yeah.

It talks about children,
child care services


for parents who are struggling
with kids who are really naughty.


I hear you, Themba, but I don't have time
to deal with your issues with Shaka.


I have to go and meet your uncle.

Listen, Dad, what I'm saying is that

I want to help you
the same way that Sbu helped you.


I know that, but it's not a competition.

Yes, but what I'm...

[upbeat music playing]

-Oh my God.
-What's she doing here?


[in Tswana] I thought I was coming
to a five-star, but it's a three.


[in Zulu] Hey, slay queen,
what are you doing here?


[in English] Nice to see you too, Thabang.

Themba.

Yeah. What are you doing here?

[in Tswana] My banking app
has been quiet for the whole day.


So I thought...

[in English] ...I should come here with
some important news I'm dying to share.


[in Tswana] I told you not to test me.

Oh, yeah, Zama...
[clears throat] ...is our new...


[in Zulu] What do you call
those people again?


-[in English] Our new brand ambassador.
-[Zama] I am?


-[in Zulu] She is?
-Yes.


[in English] We're gonna
launch the... the lodge so...


Um... [clears throat] Who better
to promote it than the queen of slay?


[in Zulu] So you want to market this place
to cheating men?


[in English] You know
you're not whispering?


[Zama tuts]

[in Zulu] Okay, if you take a look
at the marketing plan,


I've added the social media presence.
You'll see it on page...


-On page , here it is...
-[Vusi] Listen...


[in English] I think it's a...
This is a good time to show Zama around.


-[in Zulu] Let's go.
-[Zama] Not this again.


What about the meeting with Uncle Siya?

-[in English] Dad!
-No, the lodge takes priority right now.


[Zama] Can I get a welcome drink?

[Vusi] No. Just get in, please.
We'll sort that out.


[in Tswana] Wait a minute.

[in English] I booked
a private game drive.


This is still very private.
Thank you. Please drive now.


Never seen you people
so excited about a game drive.


Huh? What do you mean "you people"?

Um, please, drive. Now. Please.

[Zama tuts]

[engine starts]

[Grace in Tswana] Oh no! Dineo.

[in Afrikaans] Quickly.
Let's go. Let's go!


[in English] Please, drive. Drive!

[Sbu] How did you do that?

[in Zulu] I've been trying
to calm him down.


[in English] A parent just knows.

[in Zulu] It means
I'm going to be a bad father.


-[in English] No, you'll be fine.
-[Sbu] Mm-hmm.


It just takes practice.

But, you know, we can help you.

[in Zulu] Please help me, Mom?

[in Tswana] Okay, my boy,
before we get there,


we need you to call your gynae
and find out the gender of the baby.


[in English] Oh no. No.
No, no, no, no. I mean...


[in Zulu] How will
knowing the gender help us?


[in Tswana] Look, how can we help you
if we don't know what we're dealing with?


-[in English] Right, Valencia?
-Mm-hmm.


No. No, no, no, no.

[in Zulu] Knowing the gender
won't help us with anything.


Beauty and I...
[in English] We pinky promised.


You can't go back on a pinky promise.

If you go back on a pinky promise,
that's a betrayal of the highest order.


You can't do that.

[in Zulu] She'll never forgive me
if I told you.


-She'll never forgive all of us.
-[in English] So you do know.


-You do know. Hmm.
-No. I don't know a thing.


-[gasps] Look at me.
-[in Zulu] How would I know?


-Open your eyes.
-[Sbu] Huh-uh.


[in English] Sibusiso Twala,
look at your mother.


-[groans] Please don't make me do this.
-Look at me.


Okay, fine, fine, fine.
I just didn't want to squish his penis.


-It's a boy!
-It's a boy!


-It's a...
-[Shaka crying]


-[both whisper] It's a boy.
-Yes, it's a boy.


Thank you so much.

[Sbu laughs]

[adventurous music playing]

[moans] That's amazing.

[Shaka babbles]

[Lydia sighs heavily]

Ma? [in Zulu] Hello.

Please distract Beauty for a while.

Her mother and I are planning
a surprise baby shower.


[in English]
Surprise gender reveal, Valencia.


Oh. [splutters]

Of course, absolutely.

Always ready to help.

But... don't you think it would be easier
for me to keep this secret


if baby Shaka stayed with you two?

Nice try.

Daddy's right.

They hate us.

[sighs heavily]

[chuckles softly]

[music ends]

[animals calling]

[sniffing]

[bird calling]

[shushing] Listen. Listen.

If you listen carefully,
you can hear the African Fish Eagle.


[bird calling]

You know what I love?

The sound of an EFT
hitting my bank account.


Now that's music to my ears.

[in Zulu] You said
you haven't known her long.


How is she suddenly
influencer for the lodge?


[in English] No, your dad and I,
we go way back.


-Look, a leopard!
-[Jean] What?


-I don't see anything.
-[Vusi] Yeah, it just ran away so fast.


I think it just got scared
with all the voices and all the talking.


You know what?

I vote a motion of no talking
until we get back to the lodge.


We don't want to scare the animals.

He's right.

If we want to spot anything,
silence is best.


[Vusi] Yeah.

[door opens]

So, how loud can we get back at the lodge?

-[in Zulu] A lot.
-[engine starts]


[in Tswana] These two
seem to have jungle fever.


[in Zulu] Hey, my father said be quiet.

[upbeat music playing]

[in Tswana] Yes, Shadrack.
Get the flowers and the big alphabets.


Yes, that spell out "baby."
That's perfect.


[in English] What's wrong?

[in Tswana] He didn't complain.
He just said, "Whatever you want."


[in Zulu] Hmm.
You're in charge, obviously.


[in Tswana] So for the reveal,
we're going to bake a cake


with the color of the gender inside.

-[in English] How original.
-[in Tswana] What did you say?


[in English] How wonderful.

Ma... what's with the balloons?

Where's Lydia?

I don't know. She had
some Shaka crisis or something.


Thank God.

'Cause that woman has literally been
hovering over me with Shaka screaming.


It's almost like she's watching me
or something.


-[Valencia] Hmm.
-Seriously, what's going on?


We are planning a Christmas Eve dinner.

-Yes.
-[Dineo] Yeah.


Um, yeah, it's supposed to be a surprise.
[in Zulu] But you've caught us out.


[chuckling]

[in English] The two of you
are planning something together?


-Yes.
-Yes.


[in Tswana] Valencia begged me
to help her.


[Beauty in English] Huh.
So the two of you are getting along?


Like a house on fire.

[balloon deflates]

Anyway, Beauty, you know what?
You need rest.


[in Zulu] Go and rest.
[in English] You deserve it.


-Christmas wishes do come true.
-[Dineo chuckling] They do.


-Mmm.
-[Beauty] Mm-hmm.


-Hey.
-[in Zulu] Hello, bride.


Tell me, where is Vusi?

[in English] On some, uh...
game drive or something.


[in Zulu] He left me?

His balls...

[in English] God forbid.

[balloon deflates]

[gentle music playing]

[Vusi] I'm sorry, but listen.
I know I owe you an apology, all right?


[in Tswana] With what? Your words?
What am I supposed to do with your words?


Words aren't going to pay my rent.

[in English] Look,
I was going to pay you, but I didn't,


because I want everyone to know about you.

-About us.
-f*ck this.


Where are you going?

Hey, hey.
Maybe your arsonist wife will listen.


[Vusi] No, you don't have to do that.
Listen, I'll send you an e-wallet, okay?


Right now.

I know it's not enough, but that's
all I can give you for now. All right?


[phone chimes]

[laughs]

[in Tswana] Wow. [in English]
This doesn't even cover my eyelashes.


All I need is some time, all right?

[Zama sighs]

[Vusi] I have to tell Val properly.

Please just stay here
for tonight, until then.


This is your room. This one.

I... I promise you... I will do right by you.

[tense, whimsical music playing]

[sniffs]

[exhales sharply]

[in Zulu] Val, where are you?

[Valencia] We went to town.[/i]

[in English] What do you mean
you've gone to town?


[Valencia in Zulu] Dineo needed supplies[/i]
for this insane baby shower.[/i]

But we're on our way back.

[in English] This can't wait.
It's important.


I have to tell you something.

[Valencia in Zulu] You handled Zama.[/i]
I'll handle Dineo.[/i]

You'll see me when I get back, Vusi.

-[in English] But, Val, it is about Zama.
-[phone disconnects]


Val?

Hello?

Val?

[in Zulu] Oh my God.

[in English] I bet you Cyril
doesn't have these types of problems.


[Siya in Zulu] Mom, I have a question.

With all due respect,
are you sure that Vusi is related to us?


The way I see it, something is off.

Please give me a sign, Mom.

No, Ma, not that kind of sign.

Brother, I'm sorry.

[in English] The day
just ran away with me.


[in Zulu] Your problem is
that you only think about yourself.


You said we'd do this together and
that I should get everything together.


And I did.
Yet you are nowhere to be found.


We can still do this. What's stopping us?

Carry on? How?

All the candles and sage have b*rned out.

My problem is that I trusted you.

You're not trustworthy.

[in English] Can you stop being
so childish for a change?


[shouts in frustration]

My life is far more complicated
than your car getting stolen!


Oh, okay. Okay.

[in Zulu] Fine.

You sort out your own problems.
I'll sort out mine.


I'm up to here with you.
I swear on my mother, I don't need you.


This dog.

[somber music playing]

[Vusi sighs]

[Beauty in English] Can you believe
a fire would be the thing


to bring our mothers together?

-Eh, baby?
-Mmm.


-A fire. Mm-hmm.
-Mm-hmm.


Hey, hey.

[both moaning softly]

Ooh, now both of you are awake. Mmm.

[Sbu chuckles]

Oh! Ooh!

-Why are you fighting this?
-I'm not fighting it. No. Uh...


It's just... Okay. Okay. It's just that
I don't want to hurt the baby. Okay?


How big do you think you are?

-What?
-It's me, isn't it?


-No. It's not.
-No, it is.


If you don't think I'm attractive,
just say so.


-No, no, no. Beauty, it's not...
-Good night, Sbu.


[birds chirping]

[Valencia in Zulu] Dineo,
that granny is annoying.


We worked all night.

[in English] The whole night!
[in Zulu] I can't believe it.


[in English] You know,
I'd rather be in jail...


[in Zulu] ...for this fire.

[Valencia grunts]

-Um, Val?
-[Valencia] Huh?


You know, last year
we said no more secrets, right?


[Valencia groans]

[in English] Just give me two hours,
then you can tell me whatever you want.


[in Zulu] Zama is here.

[Valencia snoring]

Val?

[snoring continues]

[upbeat music playing]

[Jean laughs]

[in English] Is it true
what they say about going black?


Huh?

-You never go back.
-[Grace laughs]


Whoa.

-Why don't we find out together?
-[Jean laughs]


[Shadrack] Grace!

[Grace sighs in frustration]

Let's go on a private game drive.
Huh? Just the two of us.


-[Shadrack] Grace!
-All day.


-Yeah.
-Like ebony and ivory.


-Riding together in perfect harmony.
-Huh?


[chuckles awkwardly]

I'll be there.

[in Tswana] You have very bad timing.

-I need you to stay with Succulent.
-[Succulent bleats]


-No, why?
-Your sister Dineo likes slaves.


She's sent me to town
to go get food coloring.


Town? So far away?

[in English] I have plans.

Oh.

[in Tswana] You want to risk your life
with that Afrikaans man.


I'm tired of pretending
that I care about baby showers.


Do you hear me?

If you don't help me,
I'm going to tell her the truth.


That I told you that I'm the one
who burnt the house down,


and you said I shouldn't tell her.

-Oh. Uh...
-Take him.


[Grace scoffs]

You...

-This year, we are braaing you, Succulent.
-[Succulent bleats][/i]

♪ Your back sways in parabola motion ♪

♪ Right on time
With the latest club incantation ♪


♪ We live for the weekend
Working up the courage ♪


♪ We pray away, pray away
Pray away the pain ♪


♪ Of not being in alignment
With our dreams ♪


♪ Fetch your life ♪

♪ Go on, be alive ♪

♪ Ain't nobody livin' out here
Be someone who's livin' out here ♪


♪ Fetch your life ♪

♪ Go on, be alive ♪

♪ Ain't nobody livin' out here
Be someone who's livin' out here ♪


♪ Fetch your life ♪

♪ Go on, be alive ♪

♪ Ain't nobody living out here
Ain't nobody living out here... ♪


[Sbu in Zulu]
No, you're talking nonsense now.


What do you mean? You said Beauty told you
that they met at the baby shower.


Yeah.

-Dad said they're actually good friends.
-Hmm.


Then the slay queen mentioned
that her and Dad go way back.


You see?

[in English] That doesn't mean they are
sleeping together. What do you mean?


[in Zulu] What do you mean?
I know these things.


I know a cheater when I see one.

-Oh.
-Yeah, Tumi.


[in English] Oh, okay. Um... Oh.

[in Zulu] If you put it like that,
I get it.


-[in English] What are we gonna do?
-I'm saying we need to stand up.


[in Zulu] We need to tell Dad
to get rid of this girl.


Before Mom finds out.

-[in Tswana] Excuse me.
-[Sbu in English] Okay, I'm in.


-[Succulent bleats]
-[Grace] Hey.


My sons-in-law.

Hey, guys, can you please watch Succulent?

Just for ten minutes.
Ten minutes. I'll be back.


-No.
-Yeah, we're sort of busy with that thing.


In the middle of something.

So am I.

[in Zulu] Oh no.

[Grace in English] You know,
that time of the month.


[Themba] No.

Okay. Yeah. Ten...

[in Zulu] We'll watch him for ten minutes.

[in Afrikaans] Thank you.

[in Zulu] What do we do when
he acts like this, Aunt Grace?


-Look at where he's biting you. Look now.
-[Succulent bleats]


We're going to look crazy
showing up to Dad with dinner.


[in English] She said
she'd be back in ten minutes.


Ten minutes.

[in Zulu] Who knows what
that slay queen will do by then?


[in English] I'll just tie the sheep up.
Then we can go. [shouts in pain]


-[in Zulu] Look at where he's biting you.
-[shouting]


Come along, Succulent.

[chill music playing]

-[Shaka crying]
-[in English] Okay.


[Lydia chuckles]

Okay, my boy. Please.

Um...

Listen, I think I'll...
I'll be back. Don't move.


-Take your time.
-[Lydia] Okay.


Please.

[sighs]

Mmm.

[Zama] Ta-da, my Konka sister.
What's good?


-Okay?
-Zama?


What are you doing here?

[in Tswana] The lodge needed
a new brand ambassador,


so I'm here to make money.

[in English] Wait, what? Okay, so first
you gatecrash my baby shower,


then you kidnap me to Konka, and then
somehow you secured a job with the Twalas.


Girl, stop.

And you hustled your way into a Twala man
and a baby. Bag secured.


[in Tswana] Or what?

[in English] So, why does Vusi
have you working over Christmas?


[sighs] Does Christmas
mean anything anymore?


[in Tswana] My mother...

[in English] ...she used to care
about that stuff. It was so lame.


She always had a Christmas tree...

[in Tswana] ...and so many presents
claiming they're from Santa Claus.


I'm sure she low-key had a blesser.

[in English] That's not lame.
That's beautiful.


I mean, minus the blesser part.

Anyway, we take Christmas
very seriously in this house.


In fact, as we speak, my mothers
are planning a Christmas Eve dinner.


[in Tswana] Baby showers, gender reveals,
and Christmas dinners.


Damn, you guys like events.

[in English] What gender reveal?

[in Tswana] Vusi mentioned
something about a gender reveal today.


I thought you didn't want to know
the gender of your baby?


[in English] We didn't.

-Mmm.
-[Beauty grunts]


[Zama in Tswana] What's wrong?

She's so dramatic.

[Beauty] Uncle...

[Shadrack] Huh?

What's up?

[in English] What do you know
about a gender reveal?


-[in Tswana] I don't know anything.
-[in English] What's that?


[in Tswana] I have to go.

Beauty.

-[in English] Blue food coloring.
-[bottle clatters]


[in Tswana] To be honest,
I was only helping.


I was just a spectator.
Just like at a stadium.


I don't know anything. I was just helping.

The people behind this
are Dineo and Valencia.


[in English] I'm having a boy?

How do they know?

[in Tswana] Uncle?

Sibusiso told them.

[Beauty in English]
I need to get out of here.


Beauty!

Beauty.

[in Tswana] Okay. It's fine. I'll just...

[in Zulu] Where's Beauty?

[in English] Uh, she just got up and left...

[in Tswana] ...after I mentioned
something about a gender reveal.


[in English] You did what?
sh*t! They're gonna k*ll me.


There. Sorry, my big boy.

[in Tswana] What's happening?

-[in English] I need to go find Beauty.
-[Zama splutters]


[in Tswana] I thought you weren't supposed
to leave your baby with strangers?


[in English] You're not a stranger.
You're Zama, Beauty's new random friend.


I have to go.

Oh, please.
[in Zulu] If he poops, which he will...


[in English] ...just get someone
to hold him down for you, okay? Thanks.


-What's that supposed to mean?
-[Lydia] sh*t!


[Zama] Hey!

Hello, Titi.

[sighs] I want to be
the Rachel to your Kolisi.


Mmm.

[in Afrikaans] Ouch.

[in English] Just shut up and colonize me.

[in Afrikaans] What?

-[Shadrack] Grace!
-[sighs]


-[in English] Damn. Succulent.
-[Shadrack] Grace!


[in Tswana] Uh, brother...

Grace, where is Succulent?

He's with Sbu.

I want to say goodbye to him.
Before Dineo kills me.


I don't want to die.

-You told her about the fire?
-[in English] Worse.


[in Tswana] Brother,
just give me two minutes.


No, man! I just want Succulent,
so I can say goodbye.


[sighs]

[sighs]

[in English] I'm gonna be bluer
than the Bulls.


[gasping]

Finally.

Vusi.

[pounding on door]

The sign on the door
says "Do not disturb."


[in Zulu] Dad, please open.

[in English] Themba, please. I don't want
to hear anything about your pitch.


This is about your...
new brand ambassador, Dad.


[tense, whimsical music playing]

Yeah, what about her?

[Zama in Tswana]
Someone please take this baby.


[in English] What are you doing here?
[in Zulu] What's she doing here?


[in Tswana] You haven't told her?

Ladies and gentlemen, a man.

-[in English] Hey, homewrecker.
-What?


-[Shadrack in Tswana] Where is Succulent?
-[Themba in Zulu] Uncle, please wait.


[in Tswana] Listen here, Themba,

give me back my Succulent
before I get strangled.


[in Zulu] Give him back his Succulent.

[in English] Succulent is tied up.
Okay, he's fine.


[both exclaiming]

What? What? What?

[in Tswana] Don't you remember
what happened last time?


[in English] No.

-[in Tswana] I blame you.
-[Grace] Me? Brother!


[in Zulu] What did I tell you
about the sheep?


-[in Tswana] Where is he?
-[Valencia in English] Sbu, now.


-Fine.
-[in Tswana] Let's go.


-[in Zulu] I'll be back.
-[in Tswana] Damn Zulus!


-Let's go.
-[Grace] Don't leave me, brother!


-[in English] Mama.
-Yeah?


[in Zulu] Dad's having an affair
with this one.


[in English] There. I've said it.
[exhales sharply]


Why would I sleep with my father?

Your what?

-[Dineo] Valencia!
-Oh!


[in Tswana] My goodness.

What are you doing?
You're just standing there.


[in English] You should be showered and ready by now.
[in Tswana] I knew I couldn't trust you.


[in Zulu] I don't care about your tacky
gender reveal, do you hear me?


[in Tswana] What do you mean, tacky?
How dare you.


Careful, Mama.
This one could burn everything,


like she burnt your house.

[in English] You did what?

[in Zulu] Hey, Mavusana.

Not now, Siya.

[in Tswana] Hey now, Valencia.
You burnt my house!


-[all shouting]
-[Shaka crying]


[Dineo] You're a witch.

Shut up.

[Beauty in English] I hate them,
all of them. [sniffles]


[engine grinding]

[Beauty gasps]

[engine sputters, stops]

[tense, whimsical music playing]

[grunts]

[sighs]

[gasps] f*ck.

[panting]
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