01x06 - Whodidit

[bunniefuu]

[joyful music playing]

[panting]

[in Japanese] Oh no! I'm gonna be late!

I can't fail out of high school
right after getting there!

- [squeaks]
- Waaaa!

Owww...

Oh.

You all right?

[enchanted sparkling]

Thanks...

I'm so sorry.

I'm really in quite a rush... Mmph!

Your way of running is quite improper.

I nearly thought a hippo hit me.

Be careful, or you might run someone over.

[grunts angrily]

[growls]

Baka!

[phone ringing]

[groans]

[groans]

[sighs]

[in English] You're go for Goose.

I'm looking for Graves, Gideon.
Who the hell is Goose?

You've reached the adult
formerly known as Gideon Graves.

It's the Goose now. Gordon Goose.

That's cool.

You know, my name isn't Lucas, actually.

It's Luke.

That's not even remotely the same thing.

[sighs] Never mind.

What can I do you for?

[Luke] Well, here's how I see it, Goose.

I've lost everything.
You've lost everything.

I thought maybe
you'd have some words of advice.

Mmm, now you want something from me.

[Luke] I know I left you
in the lurch after Matthew,

but if you could
find it in your heart to forgive me, I...

[Gordon] Forgiveness is what you want?

Hmm.

Well, I have something
entirely different in mind.

[dramatic music playing]

[grunts]

[music builds, halts]

Friendship!

["A-Punk" by Vampire Weekend playing]

- [both grunting]
- [tires screeching]

[splats]

Ha! [grunts]

[grunts]

[panting]

[grunts]

[groans]

[groans]

Ow!

- [grunts]
- [groans]

[zapping, chiming]

- [grunts]
- [laughs]

Huh? [yelling]

- [whizzing]
- [objects clattering]

Shh!

[Gordon giggling] Whee!

- [Lucas Lee grunts]
- [boing]

[squelching]

- Okay, ready?
- [Lucas Lee chuckles]

[steam hissing]

- [both] Huh?
- [electrical zap]

[panting, grunting]

[yells]

[Gordon] Yeah!

[saw buzzing]

[electrical zapping]

[Lucas Lee] Ooh.

[chuckles]

[Gordon] You go first.
Whoa! That's awesome!

[Lucas Lee grunts]

Wow!

- [chuckles]
- [twinkle]

[yells]

- [loud bang]
- [groans]

I'm okay, I'm okay. Luke, I'm okay.

[grunts]

[girl panting, whimpers]

- [girl exhales]
- [enchanted sparkle]

[boy in Japanese] You're right, you know.

I'm a real baka boy sometimes...

Why...

- [Lucas Lee] Aw!
- [whimpers]

[Lucas] Do they even like each other?

Because sometimes it feels like
they hate each other.

This is season 12.

I can loan you the DVDs
if you want the backstory.

- [Gordon] Huh?
- Huh?

[groaning angrily]

I...

[both] Uh...

I was gone for 90 [bleep] minutes!

- What did you do to my house?
- [both grunt]

And what's with the robot?

What robot?

["A-Punk" continues]

[electronic warbling and beeping]

[glass shatters]

["Bloom" by Necry Talkie playing]

[song ends]

[squelches]

[mellow music playing]

[slathering]

[knob squeaks]

[squelching]

[slathering]

- [meows]
- [squelching]

- [water splashing]
- [drain gurgles]

- [mirror squeaks]
- [music halts]

- [zipper zips]
- [suspenseful music playing]

[doorbell rings]

- Oh, it's you.
- [Ramona] Julie, I'll make this brief.

[Gordon] Is that the sound
of skates I hear?

Tell Ramona to come in here and kick it.
We'll watch TV and eat chips.

Oh no! We're out of chips!
Jules, we need chips!

So it's you and Gideon now.

[scoffs] Me and Gideon? No.

That's Gordon. Gordon Goose.

You're saying the guy eating chips
on your couch is not the former

all-powerful evil gazillionaire
I used to date?

[sighs]

This info dump was inevitable.

Be back in a bit, baby!

[Gordon] Okay, bye.

[in singsong] I'll miss you!

I'll miss you [bleep] more!

[Knives and Stephen]
♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo, doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo-doo doo ♪

♪ Bread makes you think ♪

Does it?

[Stephen] Doesn't everything?

Too vague. [inhales deeply]

♪ Bread makes you full ♪

Too obvious.

♪ Doo doo doo-doo-doo ♪

♪ Bread ain't all that ♪

♪ Bread makes you fat ♪

- [Knives gasps]
- Hmm?

[both] Holy crap!

Hey, Knives,
when did you start playing piano?

More or less than four hours ago?

[Knives] Slightly more.

And how did you get the CEO of G-Man Media
to bankroll your project?

Oh, well... [chuckles]

...that was my idea.

Mr. Patel had the capital,

but he was also
an aspiring Broadway theater obsessive.

I read an interview with him
in Forbes. So...

when he flew us to New York City
for a pitch meeting in his secret lair,

I knew exactly what to say.

[dramatic sting]

[Knives] An off-Broadway musical.

And who better to play the lead than you?

Me? The main character? [exclaims]

Not a lot of people know this,
but I majored in theater in college.

In fact, I briefly starred
in my own one-man show.

[Knives] Gasp! [gasps]

I had no clue.

Did anyone get it on video?

[fingers snap]

- [switch clicks]
- [rapid whir]

[vocalizing]

♪ Agony, misery, woe! ♪

♪ Though it's different for each ♪

♪ Always ten steps behind
Always ten feet below ♪

♪ And she's just out of reach ♪

♪ Agony... ♪

[rapid distort]

Wow, impressive!

You, uh, think he's got
the chops, Stephen?

- Uh...
- [growls]

- [bloop]
- Uh, and then some!

[Matthew] Silence! I've made my decision.

Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Musical...

- [dramatic sting]
- ...is a go project!

[Stephen] I hope you know
how much we value your opinion, pal.

We're adapting your work, after all.

From one creative to another,

just know we're making every effort
to treat the material with respect.

I know you're bummed your movie is dead,
but this is fun too, right?

Huh? Oh, I don't... I don't care
about the movie shutting down.

It didn't mean anything to me.

- I mean, I miss having my own golf cart.
- [whimsical music plays]

It didn't mean anything to you?

From one creative to another,
I can't believe you're saying this.

All my songs are like children to me.

I guess the thing about that is
I don't even remember writing it.

[all] Uh...

Do you mind explaining that
in any way, shape, or form?

Well, I dreamed I saw
my sleep paralysis demon at my computer.

Then I woke up the next day,
and there it was.

A completed script with my name on it.

[Stephen] Uh...

- Uh...
- Ugh.

And you're sure it was
a sleep paralysis demon?

[Young Neil] What else would it be?

The person who actually wrote your script?

[dramatic music builds]

Oh!

[suspenseful music playing]

Look!

[Kim and Stephen gasp]

We have to tell Ramona about this.

Oh, is she involved?

She's the one who's been searching
for Scott this whole time.

Really?

You two moved on with your lives.

But she's been skating all over town
asking a lot of stupid people

some really smart questions.

I didn't know that.

Come on, Knives.
Can't we just let bygones be bygones?

When we saw Ramona on the movie set,
you were as cool as a cucumber.

That was business.
This is emotional business.

- [gasps]
- [enchanted swell]

♪ Emotional business ♪

♪ Can I get a witness? ♪

- Stop!
- [gasps]

Enough with the songwriting.
Can we focus for a second?

Right. Let's go see Ramona.

Uh...

Gideon and Julie?

Please! Gordon Goose would never.

Can you please explain
this "Gordon Goose" thing?

Well, when I was in high school
in North Bay, Ontario,

Gordon Goose was
the weirdest kid in my year.

[whimsical music playing]

His glasses were too big for his face.
His clothes fit funny.

Even his hair looked wrong.

Everyone called him "Fearless"

because he wore those
"No Fear" t-shirts every day.

I guess he started taking that name
a little too seriously.

One day, out of nowhere, he presents
the most popular girl in school

with a 12-point business plan
as to why she should date him.

They call me Fearless.

I have no fear of the sting of rejection.

Therefore, there's no downside
to me attempting this.

[whimsical music continues]

[boys laugh]

[all laughing]

[Julie] The whole school was watching.

[laughing continues]

He moved away after that.

But I never forgot about him.

I had no idea Gideon Graves
was the dorky kid from my past

until he turned up on my doorstep.

[dramatic music playing]

Matthew Patel took everything he had.

And what was left behind?

- Gordon Goose.
- [dramatic swell]

[slurping]

Gordon Goose.

And that's working for you?

We understand each other.

When I was with him, Gideon...
Uh, Gordon was a twitchy, rage-filled,

impulsive, emotionally abusive,
controlling, manipulative egomaniac.

But if he makes you happy,
that's good, I guess.

It's not good. It [bleep] sucks.

[spits] I'm sorry, what?

When Gordon showed up,
he was power-hungry.

He wanted revenge.

He would have done anything
to get his empire back.

[scoffs] Ambition is hot.

But after a few days,
it's like the evil drained out.

Now he just sits on the couch
watching anime all day.

What if it's an act?

The Gideon I knew was a plotter.

The whole League of Evil Exes thing
could have been a smokescreen

for an ultra-secret kidnapping plot.

Maybe none of the other exes
were in on it.

Maybe it was all G-Man.

Or maybe the two of you
were in on it together.

Look, I wish that was the case.

I wish we were up to
some exciting villain business.

It would spice things up around the house.

But he's just a loser, trust me.

You can take him, or us, off your list.

[items jingling]

[sighs]

[Ramona] One step forward, two steps back.

You should come over and say hey.

I think Gordon wants to apologize
for creating the league and all that.

Ugh. Do I have to?

Hey. So his real name is Gordon Goose,
and he's living here in the neighborhood,

and he's dating some girl
who works in a coffee shop.

Can you believe that crap?

I love that crap.
I'm obsessed with that crap.

Stacey! Were you eavesdropping?

You shouldn't be here on your day off.

- Aw, scoot. Scoot on out of here.
- [growls]

[pensive music plays]

[Julie] Huh?

Is that a hole in my roof?

I was gone for 90 [bleep] minutes!

- What did you do to my house?
- [both grunt]

And what's with the robot?

What robot?

[electronic warbling and beeping]

[glass shatters]

[mechanical whirring]

Where have I seen that robot?

[Julie] I want some answers!

It wasn't me. It was the Goose.

What? Goose don't skate.

Why would I build a skate ramp
in the middle of Julie's lovely home?

She seems pissed.
Does this mean I can't live here?

- [dramatic swell]
- Live here? What?

I don't care which one of you did it!
You're both gonna pay!

- Gulp.
- Oh no.

[announcer] Julie Powers versus
Lucas Lee and Gordon Goose.

- [bell rings]
- Fight.

[yells]

[both whimpering]

Stop! Stop! This is stupid.

- [Gordon whimpering]
- [Lucas Lee sighs]

Let's all be adults for once, okay?

Julie, what are you doing?

I don't know.
I guess I got caught up in the moment.

Lucas, you can't live here.
That's ridiculous.

Find your own place.

I'm flat broke.

I can't even afford
a first-class flight back to L.A.

And the only work I can get
is voicing an animated series.

Lucas Lee is live action or nothing.

You might need to open your mind
to other opportunities.

- And you!
- Huh?

Stop being a loser.

And treat Julie
better than you treated me.

[sighs]

[lock clicks]

Hey, that robot
with the lampshade on its head.

Where have I seen it before?

During the movie sh**t.
He was spying on me in my trailer.

Not there. Somewhere else.

You know who made him, right?

That's their special little guy
right there.

The Twins.

- [dramatic sting]
- [gasps]

- [snaps fingers]
- I gotta go.

[upbeat music playing]

[door hinge creaks]

[music fades]

Guess she's got better things to do.

Well, it's been real.

Yeah, come by the coffee shop sometime.

Free coffee?

No [bleep] way!

But if you ever want a job, we're hiring.

Whatever.

Gordon...

My man.

[grunts]

[heroic music playing]

Jules, do you think I'm a loser?

[sighs] I don't know, Gordon.
Sometimes, I guess.

[Gordon] Well,

what if I said that while it seemed
like I wasn't doing anything

and was throwing a pity party...

[Gordon chuckles]

...I was actually planning
an elaborate plan.

A plan in which I would get revenge
on the one who took everything from me.

A plan that would turn
Matthew Patel into dust.

What would you say
if I was planning a plan like that?

Ah.

What would I say?

I'd say, "That's hot."

[chuckles]

- [sultry music playing]
- [both moan]

- [music halts]
- Now clean my [bleep] house, Gordon!

Right away!

[upbeat music playing]

Huh.

What are you all doing here?

We have information about your case,
your Scott case.

None of us had your phone number.

What if I told you
I cracked the case wide open?

Would any of you want to hear
what I figured out?

[all] Huh.

[upbeat music continues]

[cat meows]

[music halts]

This is my favorite part
of every "whodidit."

The part when you find out who did it.

It's "whodunnit."

If anything, it'd be "Who's done it?"
I would know. I used to be a writer.

Okay.

As you all know, Scott was taken
from the scene of The Rockit

by someone who faked his death.

I've been trying to figure out who did it,
why they did it, and how they did it.

And now I know all three.

[all] Ooh!

Let's start with "the who."

By now, most of you know about my past.

I've dated a lot of people
who were suspect...

That's a similar word to "suspects."

Wow!

Yeah. Wow!

Five exes have been eliminated
from the list.

Matthew Patel, Roxie Richter, Lucas Lee,
Todd Ingram, and Gideon Graves.

Uh, Gordon Goose. Not that it matters.

Okay, so, seven exes, five eliminated.

That leaves...

Two. The Twins.

Ken and Kyle Katayanagi.

They were my TAs in Robotics 101.

Ken is 30 seconds older.
Kyle's the hothead.

And that leads to "the why."

They have the motivation.

[suspenseful music playing]

It was my second semester of college.
I didn't know what I was doing.

I was a kid.

But to the Twins, I was fresh meat.

This year's girl.

They were a couple of players,
and they wouldn't leave me alone.

[dramatic swell]

So maybe I got
a little bit of satisfaction

when they figured out
I was playing them right back.

See, I was dating both of them
at the same time.

Damn, Ramona.

Damn, Ramona.

Sounds familiar.

Familiar? To...?

Someone seeing someone
and also seeing another someone,

and neither of the someones are aware
of the other someone.

Oh. Scott. Us.

Hey, can we get back to the "whodidit"?

Right.

"The how" is a vegan portal
created by vegan powers.

But this portal far exceeded
the power level of my only vegan ex.

- And that made me realize...
- [dramatic music playing]

What's more powerful than a human vegan?

Two human vegans?

No. A robot vegan.

[all gasp]

A robot that's never eaten meat.

[dramatic music continues]

A robot that's never had any dairy.

A vegan without the inherent flaws
of humanity.

A vegan created by The Twins.

I remembered
where I saw that robot before.

[VCR whirring]

[static noise]

[dramatic music continues]

It was at The Rockit
before Sex Bob-omb went on stage.

[tape rewinding]

See? Right before Scott disappeared.

[dramatic music continues]

[VCR beeps]

There you have it.
The who, the why, and the how.

Ken and Kyle Katayanagi,
the twins I spurned in college

kidnapped Scott Pilgrim by using
their robot's unique capabilities

to create the most powerful
vegan portal of all time.

It's simple, really.

- Wow!
- Wow!

But maybe I missed something.
What about "the where"? Where is he?

We'll know soon enough.

When I find the Twins, I find Scott.

[groans]

So, about to be reunited with that one guy
you went on one date with one time, eh?

Looks that way.

Are you excited?

That's a pretty big question.

Didn't we come here for a reason?

Oh, yeah, right!

Huh? We came here with information.

- [suspenseful music plays]
- About your Scott case.

Well, about Young Neil, actually.

Young Neil didn't write that script.

He didn't write
Scott Pilgrim's Precious Little Life!

Apparently, I didn't write the movie.

Then who did?

We don't know.

We didn't figure out
the who, the why, or the how,

but we did figure out "the when."

I thought someone would say it!
I wasn't pausing for dramatic effect.

According to the file data,
that script was written 14 years from now.

[gasps]

- [doorbell rings]
- [all] Huh?

[mysterious music playing]

[all gasp]

[ethereal music playing]

- Hey.
- Scott?

Where have you been?

Was it the Twins? Their robot?

The vegan portal?

Are you okay?

I'm okay.

And yes, it was the Twins,
and their robot, and the vegan portal.

But someone else
was behind the whole thing.

Someone else?

Who?

[suspenseful music playing]

It was me.

I did it.

[gentle music playing]

[moans, thuds]

["Kidnapped by Neptune"
by Scout Niblett playing]

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu-shu ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ You crazy girl ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ Where have you been?
Where, where have you been? ♪

♪ You crazy girl ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

♪ Shu-shu-shu shu-ba ♪

[music fades]