09x08 - The Lady with the Ship on Her Head

[bunniefuu]

♪ Reading rainbow ♪

♪ Butterfly in the sky ♪

♪ I can go twice as high ♪

♪ Take a look ♪

♪ It's in a book ♪

♪ A reading rainbow ♪

♪ I can go anywhere ♪

♪ Friends to know ♪

♪ And ways to grow ♪

♪ A reading rainbow ♪

♪ I can be anything ♪

♪ Take a look ♪

♪ It's in a book ♪

♪ A reading rainbow ♪

♪ Reading rainbow ♪

With your head reporter,

Levar burton.

Hello. In news about heads,
heads, and nothing but heads,

These are our stories.

When kids design hats,
it goes to their heads.

Your brain has
a mind of its own

Is discussed by
our egghead consultant,

And dozens trimmed
at new york's astor barber.

And now...

In today's international news,

The world's top diplomats
headed to u.n. Headquarters

For a head start
in previewing the latest

From m.c. Hammerhead.

The heads of the delegations
listened on headphones.

Now national news.

Nasa scientists
were forced to delay

The attempt
by mrs. Helen davison

To slingshot
her own head into orbit.

In animal news,
a sp@eseal

For the united federation
of marine mammals

Denied rumors that,
while seals have heads,

They don't have necks.

"Of course we have necks,"
the seal told reporters.

"What we don't have is elbows."

In london, england,

A mrs. Evelyn cooper
was reunited with her husband,

Reported missing for 466 years.

Said his startled wife,
"he's lost some weight."

And now today's feature story.

A woman on a ship--
it's a figurehead.

It's nothing new,
but here's a twist--

A ship on a woman.

That's news.
It's also a book.

The lady with
the ship on her head.

For 15 years,

Madame pompenstance wanted
to win the medal of honor

For the best headdress
at the dress ball.

Every year the medal went
to someone else.

This year she planned
many designs,

But none seemed quite right.

The day of the ball,

Madame pompenstance
strolled to the beach.

"Perhaps a shell
would do the trick,"

She said to herself.

She placed some in her hair.

Just at that moment,

A small, triple-masted
sailing ship

Put into port.

The small ship

Rode right onto her head.

"Strange, but the sun
is b*ating down

In a rather fierce way,"
she thought.

Madame pompenstance
went to join her friends

In a game of croquet.

When it was her turn,

The weight of the ship
threw her forward.

She hit a strange curved ball

That knocked the other balls
off the field.

"What is she doing?

"Who does she think
she's fooling?"

Said madame moustarde.

"We can all see she's wearing
that ridiculous headdress

For the ball tonight."

"Maybe it gives her
better balance,"

Said madame romaine
with a sniff.

[Sniff]

"She is winning the game."

Thswaying was noticed
by the captain of the ship.

He yelled to his crew,

"Drop those anchors!"

This they did,

And the anchors
landed very neatly

Under madame's ear lobes.

"O-o-ow!"

She cried,
swinging her mallet furiously.

Her ball flew
across the garden,

Hit madame moustarde's ball,

And went through the hoops.

"Game!" Cried the judge.
"Game to madame pompenstance!"

"Hmmph! Well!"

All the while,

Madame pompenstance was getting
a terrible headache.

"Oh, what a vise
my head is in today!"

Meanwhile, mesdames moustarde,
romaine, poupe, and lepeaux

Cried,

"Look at that ship on her head!

"She thinks

She will win tonight."

They all rushed home
to get ready.

Madame pompenstance's
ladies-in-waiting

Fussed and fiddled
and flattered her,

But madame was in no mood
to be humored.

"These shells will have to do
for a headdress," she thought.

"Another fancy dress ball
and no medal!"

When madame pompenstance
arrived at the ball,

She stood up tall
despite her throbbing head.

She was a splendid sight.

She glanced down
at the competition.

Madame romaine's wig
had little gold cupids

With arrows and candy hearts--

A tribute to love.

"Ah!"

Madame poupe's headdress
was an elaborate fountain

That splashed over
the front of her dress.

Everyone tried not to notice
how wet she was getting.

But madame lepeaux's wig
was the most original.

It had a large, gold birdcage

With a real canary inside
twittering and chirping!

"Ah!"

The judges approached.

By this time,
the ship's pitching

Was making madame dizzy.

She braced herself
and tried to stand up straight.

As the judges
stopped in front of her,

The lights went on
in the ship.

"Remarkable!" Said the judges.

"A tribute to seafaring.

"Why, even the stiff way
she's standing

Reminds one
of a ship's figurehead."

"Ah!"

In 3o seconds, the judges
announced their decision.

"The winner of the medal
for best headdress is...

Madame pompenstance!"

Everyone applauded wildly,

But madame pompenstance
heard no cheering.

Her head had gotten
the better of her.

The crew was dancing on deck,
singing sea chanteys.

♪ Yo! Ho! Ho! ♪♪

Madame pompenstance
dashed from the room.

She ran down a path
to the ocean.

"Ahh!

An ocean breeze!"

She tripped over a rock
and fell face-down

At the water's edge.

The anchors
popped off her ears,

And the very small,
triple-masted ship

Set out to sea.

All of a sudden,

Madame pompenstance
felt better.

As she shook the sand
from her face,

The shells she had
put in her hair

Fell into the sand.

"So that's it!" She cried.

"No wonder I had a headache.

Award or no award,
I'll never wear shells again."

And she stood up

And made her way
carefully home.

[Ahem]

Hats--you can buy them,
borrow them,

Rent them,
hit them with a spatula,

Or make them yourself
and show them off.

What do you think of my hat?

This is my own creation.

When someone wonders
which way they're going,

I point with my head.

This is a zooka-doodle hat.

This is
a new york city scene.

It took me two days
to make this hat.

This is called "silky illusion."

Whenever you want to

Go for a ride

Take the key

And go, "vrrrm vrrrm."

Here is a perfect hat
for a wedding.

Hats--they've been with us
since shortly after time began.

From the point of view
of science,

Hats are giftwrapping for heads.

For facts about heads,
we turn to dr. Yorick skull

From the university
of notre brain.

The head--without it, our hair
would fall to the ground.

Our chin would be unemployed,
roaming the streets.

Let's consider
some facts about heads.

The average human brain
weighs about--

Weighs about 3 lbs,

Which is the same as this bag
of potatoes.

Interesting?

Sorry.

[Beep]

You bet, but there's more.

A 3-lb. Brain on jupiter
would weigh--

Sorry. Sorry, bill. Ooh.

Would weigh--

There goes bill.

Well,

Would weigh 3, carry 2,
plus the capital of iowa,

Times mozart, divided by
the number in a dozen.

That equals 9 lbs.
What a pain in the neck.

People ask, "how can I
get my head to jupiter?"

I say, "mind your own business."

How many viewers out there
are thinking,

"Yes, but what about teeth?"

Well, I'll tell you.

The average human head
contains about 695,ooo teeth.

Sorry. I was thinking
about something else.


Void where prohibited.

To summarize,

The brain is like
a huge vacuum cleaner.

Little things come along,

And the brain
moves through life,

Meets things,
and sucks them up.

Well, back to you, lever--
uh, levar.

Whoa!

Thank you, dr. Skull,
for that hair-raising report.

Speaking of hair,

Let's go to astor place
barbershop in new york--



One of the hairiest places
in the country.

I recommend it.

Looks real great.

Like it?

Don't cut too much.

Astor place is special.
We never say "no."

You want something,
we'll try it.

I want
an outline of a "v"

Leading to my tail.

Right.

Then four vs
coming down.

O.k.

Muy bonito.

Atmosphere is good.
People are great.

The atmosphere?

Insanity.

Your hair
will be so good

She won't
let you go out.

What haircut
would you recommend?

What I'm doing
right now.

I'm not really listening
to what you want.

We'll do five fins--

One from the middle,

Two here,
and two on the sides.

Would you
like some color?

Yeah.

How many bottles
of hairspray?

It will take about 1,
about 16 ounces.

Hold that.

This?

Yeah. Right there.

This makes my hair
feel like a rock.

It's good hairspray,
a strong-holding hairspray.

Extremely stiff.

Wait till you see this.

This will look great.

One done.

Great job.

That's the wildest
thing I've ever seen.

It looks great.

No wires. No nothing.

No nothing.
Just hairspray.

That's incredible.

Woody woodpecker.

Astor place
has been here forever.

There's no place like it.

And now for
our head to head interview.

Just back from
their world-appreciation tour,

One of the most
popular groups around--

The grateful head.

Hey!
Thank you!

Welcome, head.
Thanks for being here.

Thank you,
levar.

"Thank you"?

If we're thanking him,
thank him.

Thank you very much, levar!

You're welcome.

Thanks for saying
"you're welcome," levar.

See? Levar said
we were welcome.

Thank you for that,
levar.

We are the grateful
head, edith.

We just don't say,
"thank you."

Thank you so very,
very much, levar.

Ha ha!

I feel well-thanked.
Thank you.

Thank you--both for
saying "you're welcome"

And for feeling thanked.

Ted?

Levar,
much obliged a million.

The tour. I understand
you were in europe.

It was a short tour,
levar--

France, germany,
spain...

England, denmark,
portugal, and israel.

Why these countries?

In those languages,
we can say--

Thank you!

Merci!

Igracias!

Danke schon!

Tak!

Obrigado!

Todah raba!

Ank-thay
ou-yay!

Huh?

Showing all
that gratitude,

Sometimes it's
a thankless task.

We thank our fans...

Because we are lucky

To be stars.

They wanted to
thank us, too.

So we thank them.

They thank
their lucky stars.

Everybody
appreciated it.

Yes,
thank goodness--

Not just a little--

Thank goodness
a heck of
so much, levar!

Talk about that album.
What's it called?

Quit while you're
a head, levar.

Thank you.

I mean, thank you

Ever so heck
of a so enormously...

Let's look
at that clip.

Which clip?

I ain't got
no body.

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ Stayin' a head's
enough for me ♪

♪ No arms and legs,
no elbows and knees ♪

♪ No extra anatomy ♪

♪ O-oh ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ And I'm facin' reality ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

Yeah!

♪ Whoa! And no body's got me ♪

♪ You know it looks
kind of q*eer ♪

♪ When I look
into the mirror ♪

♪ You cast
a pretty strange
reflection ♪

♪ So what?
I got a great
complexion ♪

♪ I don't care
for designer clothes ♪

♪ Where you wear them,
no one knows ♪

♪ And I don't need underwear ♪

♪ Hey, I got nothing on
down there ♪

♪ 'Cause I ain't got no body ♪

♪ What you get
is what you see ♪

♪ No arms and legs,
no elbows and knees ♪

♪ No extra anatomy ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ And I'm facin' reality ♪

♪ 'Cause I ain't got no body ♪

Yeah!

♪ No body's got me ♪

♪ I don't sleep
on a king-size bed ♪

♪ Just need a pillow
for my head ♪

♪ Don't need
aerobic classes ♪

♪ To look cool
in my sunglasses ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ I ain't got no body ♪

♪ No body's got me ♪

♪ No body ♪

♪ No, no, no,
no, no, no ♪

♪ I ain't got... ♪

♪ No ankles ♪

♪ No knees ♪

♪ No feet ♪

♪ No arms ♪

♪ No shoulder ♪

♪ No kidding ♪

Thank you!

♪ No legs,
no elbows ♪

♪ No fingers ♪

♪ Nothin',
nothin' at all ♪♪

Thank you.
Thank you.

Hmm.

One of the best things
for your head

Is to aim it at a book,

So let's go to
our headline critics

Because you don't have to
take my word for it.

Hi. I'm jamie.
I just got a good haircut.

The boy in moog-moog,
space barber isn't as lucky.

This story is about elmo.

Tomorrow is his first
day of school.

Elmo's mom takes him
to get a haircut.

His haircut is awful.
He feels embarrassed.

He puts on a cap
to hide his hair

And watches a movie
about space monsters.

He goes for snack.

The monsters
are in his kitchen.

Elmo tells the monsters
how he hates his haircut.

The monsters have the solution.

Off to the great moog-moog,
space barber they go.

There is a surprise ending.
I won't say what it is.

Why not read it yourself?

There was a boy named sudan

Who did a lot of thinking
about his hair.

It was wavy and thick
and made him look different.

This is his story,
an enchanted hair tale.

Sudan was not happy
about his hair.

People made fun of him
because he looked different.

One day, sudan was so mad
he went for a long walk.

Turning the corner, he saw
people with hair like his.

He was happy.

They would not
make fun of him.

I'm vanessa.

I loved an enchanted hair tale,
and I think you will, too.

Here's the story of long ago

About a pair of underwear
as white as snow.

The flyaway pantaloons
is the book.

I'm sandy.
Let's take a look.

These pantaloons
have a story to tell.

From the clothesline,
they fell.

From the pant's point of view,

We fly over the city
and through.

As you read,
the action will grow,

Whether seen from above
or below.

If you look closely
and have a sharp eye,

The pantaloons' owner
in each picture you'll spy.

Causing trouble
wherever they roam,

By the end of the story,
the pants return home.

I'm all out of time.

Get this book
for great pictures and rhyme.

Here we go.

All complete.

[Ahem]

And that's
our report for today.

Levar burton
for headline news saying,

We stay ahead
to keep you ahead.

Keep your head high--

Wait a minute!

How many times
can I say "head"
in one television report?

I've had it
up to here!

Where's
our head writer?

Ellis, are
you out there?

While he's coming,
I'll hat up and head home.

I'll see you next time.

Mr. Potato head,
what do you think?

You're just a solo
head in the world.

Have I got a cure.

Mrs. Potato head!

Yay!

Wait. Let's change hats.

Wow! There we go.

♪ There's a rumor
goin' round ♪

♪ That my feet
aren't on the ground ♪

♪ And my head's
not screwed on tight ♪

♪ You know something?
They're right ♪

♪ So I don't worry
about saving face ♪

♪ It's my only saving grace ♪

♪ And I had to
win me a place ♪

Ah!

♪ Just me
and my cabeza ♪

♪ I ain't got no body... ♪♪

Today's reading rainbow books
are...

The lady with
the ship on her head

By deborah nourse lattimore,

Published by harcourt
brace jovanovich, inc.

Moog-moog, space barber

By mark teague,

Published by
scholastic hardcover,

An imprint of scholastic inc.

An enchanted hair tale

By alexis de veaux,

Pictures by cheryl hanna,

Published by harpercollins.

The flyaway pantaloons

Illustrated by sue scullard,

Verses by joseph sharpels,

Published by
carolrhoda books, inc.