01x07 - Wet Lettuce

[bunniefuu]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

- Mornin', Albert.

- ALBERT: Good morning.

Tessie.

What the hell kind of

game is this, Fagin?

Well done, you. Yes.

You outfoxed the old fox.

All them drills in your

tender years paid off perfect.

What are you playing at?

I'm just taking my morning

constitutional maintenance of health.

At my years, it's vital,

so I take a daily amble

down here to Darius' gaff.

Who did you think was

gonna open that door?

Darius is in prison.

MONKS: Hello, Dodger. Been a few years.

DODGER: Who's this?

Don't remember me? It's Monks.

Monks?

[GRUNTS]

[SIGHS]

FAGIN: Hey, gentlemen!

You've blown away your old

gripes. Are we all friends again?

What's this murdering

bastard doing here, Fagin?

This is the man who tried

to m*rder his own brother!

Half-brother. Half-brother.

And to be fair, was that so wrong?

I mean, Oliver Twist was always

such an insufferable little prat.

At least Monks here had the

tenacity to give it a sh*t.

[SIGHS] I heard you

got scragged in Canada.

They tried hard enough,

just not quite long enough.

Joy for me is, they ain't

allowed to hang me twice.

But I heard youse escaped

prison nigh on 15 years ago.

Escaped convict playing doctors now.

That's gotta be an issue

were it ever discovered.

FAGIN: Now, oi! Now

Before you extinguish each other,

I think there is a little

encouragement I should offer.

Now, for some time, I have

been rummaging up a gambit

that I was gonna surprise

you with for your birthday.

When is my birthday?

I don't know. The upshot being

that we, me, you and Mr. Monks here,

end up considerably richer

than that miserable little biddy

sitting in Buckingham Palace.

Don't let me see him again.

'Cause if I do, he's dead.

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

That didn't go as bad

as I thought it might.

He'll come around.

Now, show me these expl*sives.

The expl*sives are stuck in Customs

'cause you got Darius bunged in prison.

Right.

I think it's time a kindly

benefactor interceded on his behalf.

CROOKY: Thursday is

your big day, isn't it?

Who are you facing?

Judge Micawber.

Shame.

And all because I rogered Gaines' wife.

I've shackled a hundred wives in

my time. Never a problem, until her.

I'm glad I never shackled

that woman. [CHUCKLES]

Not that I would or

could, being a man of God.

You never can tell what's gonna

get you in the end, can you?

Well, in your case, the rope.

Positive side is, it'll happen quickly.

I am grateful for that.

The neck snaps, bit of a shudder,

eyes bulge, a little more shudder,

and then, you will be at peace.

Yeah, I've seen how it works.

Mind you, you've got a thick neck.

Might not snap immediately.

It can take a while.

You are an enormous comfort to me.

Well, let us pray for a

quick snap and a shudder.

Dear Lord, we pray for our

friend, Darius Cracksworth,

who erred in the way of the trouser

and we beseech Thee for a

quick snap and a shudder.

- Amen.

- Amen.

It's such a shame, Your Honour,

to see a man like Mr. Cracksworth,

who has personally done so

much for the cause of women

and normally have such

impeccable moral standards,

reduced by such a small priapic lapse.

I trust you are not about to bribe me.

What, and risk destroying my chances of

becoming a free man in 18 short years?

No, sir.

The integrity of the law is sacrosanct,

which is why I sought you out

as an incorruptible learned man.

I was wondering if you knew anything

about the value of precious rubies.

Drop me off up the road a

little! I need to buy some items.

No, you don't.

You're going to the hospital

to see your paramour.

- I am not.

- Yes, you are.

I've followed you.

It's all right, I won't tell.

I think it's terribly exciting.

It is a little.

- Please, not a word.

- Sister's promise.

And I know you've been kissed before.

Do you just?

I've only ever kissed Dr. Sneed

and he was unconscious at the time

and his lips were swollen.

I didn't feel any real

butterflies. Is that normal?

It is often the case when

kissing comatose people.

I've been practicing on a banana.

What, exactly, on a banana?

Kissing. It is sort of

the same shape as a lip.

Why?

Because, in the next few days, a

ship will arrive with a man on it.

Yes, not uncommon in a harbour town,

where men outnumber us eight to one.

One man in particular. He's

with the Bank of Great Britain,

and by all reports, someone

of outstanding virtue.

Mother said she is happy to see me

marry, even if it means me going away,

and Father said he's prepared

to offer a very generous dowry.

- He might be a perfect bore.

- Please.

Belle, you're speaking

about the man I love.

[SNICKERS]

If the virtuous man from the

Bank of Great Britain kisses you,

you will know if he's the one for you.

It will feel like nothing

else on this earth.

We have to stop.

- Yes, of course.

- They will suspect.

Mmm.

Later.

If you've finished looking for bandages,

they've vanished, along with

stethoscopes and scalpels.

And there's a patient needing attention.

I have this tonic for Mr.

Cracksworth from the young doctor.

Keep him nice and

chipper for when he hangs.

Makes it more enjoyable for the crowd.

Oh, for a p*stol or a blade!

I'm sharing this place

with enough vermin already.

Hurtful. I'll shuffle off then, will I?

Let me walk you out.

I was gonna offer you a dusting of

hope, but I can see I'm not wanted.

What hope?

Have you known many women in the past?

Why, yes, I have known many women.

I see women every day.

No, I mean in a physical way.

Yes.

No, I mean, have you had

congress with another woman?

I'm not judging.

What happened in the

past is your business.

- But have you?

- Had congress?

- BELLE: Mmm.

- [CLEARS THROAT]

Do you mean sex?

Yes, I suppose so.

Well, then, yes, many times.

Oh.

I was a sailor.

- And also, I am 28.

- Right.

So, I'm just another one of many, am I?

Well, no.

'Cause we haven't had congress.

Fine.

Fine. No, fine.

I just needed to be clear

if I was wasting my time, and Um

Fine, I see that I am.

Hang on. What happened

to the not judging part?

Who's judging? I'm not judging.

But you do need to know that it

will not happen unless I'm married.

Yeah, that's not very

likely then, is it?

Why? Am I not worthy of congress?

The world will never

allow us to marry, Belle.

You are the Governor's daughter.

You misjudge my family.

My mother is your greatest supporter.

She fought for you to get this job.

She'll support me,

if I'm not to be one of many.

You have unnerved me more than

any other woman I have ever met.

Is that a good thing?

You fill me with equal

parts joy and dread.

Damn you.

Same.

"Damn you" right back.

Went to the hospital this morning.

We're considering setting

up a clinic for women.

Sterling idea, darling.

That surgeon there is quite brilliant.

You clearly can't be

talking about the professor.

But Rainsford Sneed

seems up to the task.

No, the other one, Jack Dawkins.

Jack Dawkins.

Well, he didn't exactly cover

himself in glory at the dinner.

Perhaps we should invite him again.

He seemed very apologetic

and quite personable.

LADY JANE: Is this

the same personable man

who challenged another guest

to a fist fight over the soup,

and then followed it up with a duel?

So I think he's much changed.

- Anything that I should

- No.

Right. Your other daughter wants

us to organise an intimate dinner

for this chap from the

Bank of Great Britain.

Can't wait.

Yes, well, he does come with

the most impeccable credentials.

An Eton man. Not a bad

word to be said about him.

And the Bank certainly wouldn't entrust

a shipment of gold back to London

to a man of lesser quality.

And if he's prepared to marry

our Fanny, then all to the good?

Mmm. Then it would seem both our

daughters have their eyes cast on

personable men.

FAGIN: All right.

Slow down. Aputi, slow

down. It's very fragile.

Now, Timmy knocked it up.

Let me show you. You hold that.

Now you're gonna lower that through

the hole, hook it, and then, reel it.

Reel it in.

Aputi, you're a former whaler.

Why am I teaching you

how to hook a bloody fish?

- Why can't we just go in the front door?

- Because the manhole is up there.

Now, you're gonna squeeze

into the ceiling space,

drop that through the hole,

hook it It's simple.

Now, come on. The sun

will be up in a minute.

What's that stupid contraption?

Hello, Redfordshire.

Running late 'cause of

your little squawker?

Keira's with her aunties.

This will never work.

How strong is this rope?

[RUSTLING]

Did you hear that?

I definitely heard something.

CROOKY: Who is there?

APUTI: Look up, for God's sake!

[LAUGHS EXCITEDLY]

I am telling you, I

saw what I saw, Captain,

and I scarce believe it.

GAINES: Am I to understand

there has been a theft?

No. Not at all.

I'm sharing a vision most

splendid with you, Captain.

Now, this morning, in the

wee hours, around 5:00 a.m.,

He spaked to me.

Who spaked?

Him.

Thusly, in a deep manly

voice, saying unto me,

"Look up, for God's sake!"

And behold, I saw an angel.

Arms outstretched, ascending

to the very heavens.

I take it, the altar

wine was all finished?

I would've thought the same thing,

unless I'd seen it with my own eyes.

I never really bought what I preached.

I was really drawn to the priesthood

because of a gambling debt.

Free accommodation and the cassocks.

Until this morning.

I am a great believer

that all destiny is guided.

I take it there was no

witness to this miracle?

As it happens, I was giving comfort

to one Molly Crutchley at the time.

She saw St. Coccyx ascend.

She will bear witness.

St. Coccyx. The name is familiar.

I wonder why St. Coccyx wanted

his relic back at 5:00 a.m.?

She.

St. Coccyx was a very holy woman.

I think she knew it was time

that the relic and the rubies

Rubies? Were they real rubies?

God would not accept cheap jewellery.

Describe the angel.

[SIGHS IN RELIEF]

Something a little less

sharp, I think, Rotty.

He sliced my throat with a Kn*fe.

- This one.

- Thank you.

Darius, how about we make

things all nice again?

Yeah, how about chopping

yer own neck off?

And?

Sorry for, uh, slashing your throat.

Lovely. Nice. Now we

can all be friends again.

Your heads is as empty

as the kegs after payday.

So, I suppose I'm in your debt.

Oh, yes. Heavily, I'd say.

What do you want?

GAINES: Stop, driver!

What is this about, Captain?

It is more a question for your daughter

about a recent death

at the hospital, milady.

Why on earth would my daughter

know anything about that?

Because she helped deliver a

bastard child the other night.

- She what?

- No, I didn't.

GAINES: You didn't?

I failed to deliver

a beautiful baby girl.

Sadly, both mother and child d*ed.

GAINES: Are you quite

certain the mother was dead?

No second thoughts on that question

with the benefit of reflection?

I know a dead body when I see one.

I admit I do struggle in your case.

Drive on.

I thought you were rolling bandages

and reading to the unfortunates.

Driver, take Lady Belle home.

My best guess is that Mr. O'Grady

here has a large intestinal

worm that's feeding off

of everything he eats.

- HETTY: So, what will you do?

- DODGER: Nothing.

Don't feed him for two days,

then lower his trousers,

place a large piece of

rotting meat down wind

and point his sh*thole towards it.

The worm will figure which way to go.

Milady.

My daughter is greatly taken by

your surgical skills, Dr. Dawkins.

Well, she's very gifted herself.

She's very interested

in all things anatomical.

So I'm beginning to understand.

I invested a great deal of

energy and time to place you here.

And I'm enormously grateful, ma'am.

And I can see that

you're a gifted surgeon

and an asset to this hospital and town.

And I will support you in that role.

Thank you again, milady.

It is, however, an

entirely different matter

of someone of your

station and background

to spend time with my daughter,

whose bloodline goes

back to the Conqueror.

At the risk of sounding blunt,

we are pursuing a suitable partner

for Belle in marriage, Doctor.

It's not about mindless infatuation.

Am I making myself clear?

- You are beginning to.

- Good.

Lady Belle will stay

away from the hospital

and she will marry someone

of status and wealth,

not a glorified butcher.

And what if she doesn't

agree with this view?

You will not speak a word

of this to my daughter

or your time here will be

finished, do you understand?

So, I have no say in this?

What am I expected to do when

she turns up here at the hospital?

Perhaps follow the same advice

you gave to the intestinal worm

and encourage her to leave.

DARIUS: You do realise that what

you're proposing is impossible?

I hear that a lot.

Gaines has eyes on you

every hour of the day.

- And me, too, now.

- Right.

And I need you as the newly

returned government's Customs Officer

to do me two wincy things.

First, a crate of, shall

we say, "expl*sive matter,"

sent over here by me dear Auntie Beatrix

sits on your wharf and

I have need of it, right?

And the second thing?

In two weeks' time, when HMS

Fortitude sets sail from the harbour,

bound for the Blessed Mother, I'll

need you to arrange another vessel

to take me clean away from

this armpit of a place.

[CHUCKLES]

All right. What are we doing?

Appendectomy.

I read that if you use a reverse cut

I have it, thanks. I don't

need your help with this one.

Perhaps I can

I really don't have

time to train you today.

To train me?

So, you are doing an abdominal surgery,

Hetty here is spraying

to avoid infection.

Everyone in the room who introduced

ether and carbolic

acid to this hospital,

raise your hand.

Oh. Right, that would be me.

Are you done trying to prove

that you're far superior

to everybody in this room

or may I be allowed to

continue with this surgery?

What's gotten into you?

Hetty, please show the

Governor's daughter out,

I prefer to work alone today, thank you.

[MEN LAUGHING]

Sod off, the bloody lot of you! Go on!

What just happened in there?

- Nothing.

- No, that wasn't nothing.

You just tried to humiliate

me in front of people.

Then you are getting a good

sense of how my lot feel

when your lot deign speak to us.

I shouldn't have to

apologise for my station

any more than you should for yours.

My station? That matters, does it?

What happened to me unnerving you?

Hmm?

That's the problem, isn't it?

This is all far too complicated

and I have simply realised

that I am more comfortable

unattached, with nothing to tie me

down or distract me from my work.

Fine.

Fine.

Fine.

Leaves me free

for a fuller relationship with

someone less morally loose.

Is all well, darling?

Yes, fine. Fine!

What exactly are you doing?

Oh, I think I'm going to burn them,

as I'm tired of looking at pictures

of stupid men's heads on the walls.

Leave them be, please.

Why have people who

make our lives a misery

stare at us from the walls all day?

It's better than talking to them.

FAGIN: So, now you'll be a partner?

What is all this stuff?

Recent acquisitions.

May I ask what has brought about

this wonderous change of heart?

Doesn't matter. There's

nothing here for me anymore.

This calls for a celebratory libation.

- Is this all hospital stuff?

- No, it's from everywhere.

- Oh! That's got a cheeky bite.

- That's surgical alcohol.

Is it? It's lovely. Medicinal.

Healing from the insides.

Now, bend your lugholes this way.

A sealed chest is currently

making its way here

under heavy guard from

the gold fields of Ballarat

bound for Good Old Blighty,

whereupon it'll be turned into coinage

featuring the snooty

bonce of hers truly.

But it will never make it.

Three lady's parasols?

- Why, you ask? Why?

- I didn't.

Because we, me, you,

and a hand-selected team,

are gonna steal the gold shipment

from right underneath

their upturned sneeze boxes.

How long have these been

in here? It's disgusting.

Are these the missing bandages?

I needed something to wrap the

meat. Are you listening to me?

We're gonna grab the gold before

it journeys back to London.

That's my scalpel.

I needed it to cut my porky bags.

You're not giving due

weight to what I'm saying.

I heard you.

You plan on knocking

off a large shipment

of gold and you want

my help stealing it.

Yeah, that's about the measure of it.

The same level of difficulty as

robbing the Bank of Great Britain.

No, it's bigger,

and the planning has been in my brain's

workhouse for well over a year now.

You didn't run into me

here by accident, did you?

I can't tell you the

ructions I went through

to get myself transported here.

Deliberately getting arrested.

Now, that went against

me nature, I can tell ya.

What possessed you?

- You could've d*ed on the way over here.

- Yeah.

I needed you.

My dream is to make me and you

richer than all the toffs who

have made our lives such a misery

over the passage of years.

And I've got a foolproof plan.

Concocted by a fool.

I admire your enthusiasm.

Afternoon, Doctor.

- Belle.

- Hetty.

So sorry to worry you. Can

I have a moment, please?

- Of course.

- Belle, can I have a word?

Belle.

What would you think about

a ward solely for women?

Where all women and their

children were welcome

and seen only by women.

- I think it would be wonderful.

- Yes.

And I think I know the

place. The south ward.

That's Dr. Dawkins' ward.

Oh, is it? He'll be fine.

- Belle, please may I have a word?

- Not now, a bit of a hurry.

I need to talk to you.

Look, whatever this is, can

I please not be part of it?

- I need to explain.

- No, you already did.

And you were right. So very right.

- I was?

- Yes.

I was forgetting the real

reason I came to this hospital.

To be a surgeon.

And that silliness, whatever that

was between us, was ridiculous.

And it was getting in the way.

You need to speak with your mother.

I speak to her every day.

I'm very grateful to you.

And in the future, it's "Lady Belle."

Fine! Fine!

Fine.

All the pigeons are now neatly

perched upon Nelson's stony shoulders.

[HORSE WHINNIES]

You look like you've seen

a ghost. What's wrong?

I think all them pigeons

just shat themselves.

Dodge, who in God's terrible universe

did the Bank of Great bloody

Britain decide to send here?

- How on earth would I know?

- Who is the wettest lettuce of all time?

I don't know, but I am with

a patient at the moment.

- No.

- Yes.

No. Please, no.

- Yes.

- No!

That's right. Oliver pissing Twist.

My goose is cooked. He

knows everything about us.

And he's so bloody honest.

He would see it as his moral duty

- to send us both to the peelers.

- Yes.

- Did he see you?

- No.

He was looking in my direction, but

I have aged something considerable.

You've looked the same

since you were born.

Like a bad piece of taxidermy.

Hurtful.

Sorry, crumbs.

Oliver Twist, Esquire?

Welcome, sir.

Your Excellency, the Governor.

Lady Jane.

This must be

Oh!

Forgive me, my breath was

momentarily held prisoner.

See, you told me your daughter

was passingly pretty, but this

vision [CHUCKLES]

Here is a variety of grass that

I am just excessively proud of.

- Right.

- I wonder,

could I tell you about

its maturation cycle?

Oh, but you must, Excellency,

I'm a great admirer of the sod.

Oh, you are? I'll just get a shovel.

If you're lucky, you often see

these very big furry animals

moving ever so slowly across the

lawns and digging giant holes.

Really? What super fun!

What are they called?

I don't know. But they make a

terrible mess of Mother's petunias.

- [BOTH LAUGH]

- They're Clearly, loam deficient.

Unsuitable for marrows, more's the pity.

OLIVER: Oh. Shame.

Yes, my daughter here is insisting

we have a special dinner for you.

- Marvelous.

- Yes.

- Now

- I wonder,

I believe I saw from my carriage window,

an older man in ragged attire that

I might have known from London days.

- You have no idea

- I think his name was Fagin.

Oh, yes. Him.

He works for a surgeon

here, a Jack Dawkins.

Jack Dawkins is here? I knew

him by another name then.

I wonder, would it be a terrible

imposition to invite

Jack to the soirée?

He may not remember you,

but he will remember his

half-brother who tried to k*ll him.

We have invested far

too much to back out now.

Besides, it'd be nice to

see that nauseating galumpus

turn up in London with

an empty gold chest.

I ain't going near it.

You just have a carriage standing by

to take us nice and safe to the ship.

It's not like Nolly's

gonna be personally

standing over the gold all day long.

As long as he didn't recognise you,

we just keep out of sight and

make sure he doesn't see us.

And to hell with the bloody lot of them.

Now, the Bank has issued

me with only two keys.

Both are required to unlock it.

I shall wear one around

my neck on all occasions.

And the other, well, I

entrust to your good purpose.

Oh, yes, well, it, too, shall hang

around my neck and never leave me.

I shall bathe with it.

I shall sleep with it. It

shall be my constant companion.

- Then let's lock the door together.

- Yes.

You can rest easy, gentlemen.

There will be soldiers everywhere.

He clocked you.

The lettuce? How do you know?

'Cause I've been invited

back to Government House

for dinner tomorrow night.

Oh. This is good.

Heaven's opened its pearlies

and welcomed us inside.

No, I can't possibly attend. Oliver

will get me arrested on the spot.

No, he wouldn't invite you

to a feed and squeal on you.

He's a wonderful, decent man.

No. This is our moment.

You know what this is?

This is Julius Caesar

riding his wooden horse

through the gates of Troy.

Oliver Twist and the Governor

together at the same dinner.

I'm gonna have to bring things forward.

Now, let me lay it out

for you sweet and simple.

Our boy here walks bold as a cockerel

up to the front door of Government House

and instead of being

booted out on his ear,

he is welcomed in like royalty.

Dr. Dawkins.

This is a surprise of sorts.

OLIVER: Dodger?

[GASPS]

Well, tickle my cheeks

with a goose's feather!

Dodge here will mingle virtual

unnoticed by the hoi polloi,

making sure he don't draw

no attention to himself.

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

GAINES: But I'm intrigued as to how

a man of your background, Mr. Twist,

met a man of his.

Please, may I have some more?

But of course. Your third helping.

I love the crunch of crackling.

The whiz and pop in one's mouth.

Well, this is such an interesting

story going back many years.

Eh, Dodger?

I doubt they really

want to hear about that.

Probably not. Please

don't let me stop you.

I'm most interested.

See, you have an audience.

OLIVER: Well, in a time of

great personal turmoil and peril,

this man, but a boy then,

took me in, sheltered me,

saved my very life.

But why do you call him "Dodger"?

It's because he dodges all

responsibility, I wonder?

Just a jest.

I was just very quick.

- [GASPING]

- Oh, dear. Not again, darling.

- One of you medics, do something!

- Dear.

Don't touch me.

With your permission, milady.

So, I've had these replica keys

knocked up by the lovely Tim

according to the specifics

of our redcoat on the inside,

so that when you snitch the real ones

From around their necks?

you replace them with these.

At a dinner party with a

dozen people watching me?

Right.

Be easier just to sh**t 'em.

Nobody's sh**ting anyone.

RED: What, you prefer

hand-to-hand combat?

Bring 'em just in case.

Now, by 9:30 p.m., all the

toffs and these horned swallows

are usually sozzled on port,

half asleep in their armchairs,

with dribble oozing out

of their snoring noggins.

Oh, no. Damn it. Not

tonight. Bloody gout.

Then, I, too, shall

restrain myself, Governor.

Water with lemon, please.

DODGER: I'll need a

diversion of some sort.

But at precisely the right moment.

Then you shall have the mother

and uncle of all diversions

because Flashy here will

afford you a distraction

to confound all distractions.

FLASHBANG: Rockets, penny

bangers, reds, blues,

enough fireworks for

a Shanghai New Year.

FAGIN: Placed strategic on the

right side of the Governor's gaff.

They will go off at 10:00 on the knock

and the soldiers will hear a

commotion that will rattle their bowels

and they will rush off to the right side

like dogs chasing a bone,

thinking w*r is upon 'em,

leaving the left side open for us.

How long will it go for?

FLASHBANG: Twenty-five

glorious minutes.

RED: That's not long

enough for Jack, is it?

To a lesser thief, no.

But for him, enough time to snaffle

the keys, disappear into the tunnels,

pick the lock on the vault, let us in,

you cover the door, we grab the chest,

and we all set sail on the evening tide.

Jack?

It might just work.

Is Lady Belle all right?

Yes, my daughter, is she

- She will be fine.

- Good.

Women's problems, I fear.

- GOVERNOR: Right, yeah. Of course.

- LADY JANE: I'm sure she'll be fine.

I apologise.

But I have to speak a truth

I can no longer hold inside!

It's only been a day or so,

but I must speak the truth.

Yes!

- A hundred times, yes!

- OLIVER: I haven't asked yet.

Sorry, yes, go ahead.

FAGIN: What are you doing? Put it out.

It's just a little sparkler.

Your brain's just a little sparkler.

Get rid of it, there's

an hour and 50 to go.

Lady Fanny

- [b*mb EXPLODING]

- [ALL GASPING]

We're under att*ck. It's

coming from the town.

[YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

- Is it a rebellion?

- GAINES: Quite possibly, sir.

Or the French!

- Gentlemen, protect your lady folk.

- Yes.

Troops, with me.

Hurry!

Come, Mr. Sneed

What you gonna use, Dodge?

Duck, Play or Switch, or

the Fox Pocket Scramble?

No, I think I'll go for

the Blind Turtle Stretch.

DODGER: Take cover, sir.

The colony needs you more than I.

Take me instead, you bastards!

Here, come, sir. You

come on with me now.

A minute of fireworks an

hour and a half earlier,

a year of planning up the spout.

You have pissed on my vision.

What?

[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

Fixed bayonets!

You're authorised to k*ll on sight!

If they're here, there's no

one guarding Government House.

Flashy, you are a genius.

You're a god. You're a weaver of magic.

It's the wrong time. We

haven't given Jack enough room.

No, you don't know Dodge.

Now, shift your limbs,

you mouldy rogues, it's on!

Pardon? What did he say?

What are you gonna use on

Oliver? He knows all our moves.

Yes, he's our main obstacle.

We may need to adapt with him.

Ah. I assume we're here for the same

reason. The crackling? [CHUCKLES]

While the ballyhoo is

going on, I thought I might

snaffle the last of it.

Exactly the same thought.

Nolly, look, you've got gravy

all down yourself. Give me that.

Thank you, Dodge.

Still looking after me.

My hands are greasier

than a fairground piglet.

I'm very proud of you.

You've eschewed a life of unsavouriness

for something entirely honourable.

And although we occupy very

different stations in life,

I regard you with the

affection of a brother.

Right, I should return to the women.

You did it, Dodge.

Yeah, of course I did. Come on.

- [BLOWS WHISTLE]

- [ALL YELLING]

- REDCOAT 1: What?

- REDCOAT 2: I'll be damned.

It's a ruse.

How hard was it, Dodge?

What moves did you use?

The Swaffling Rooster

or the Giddy Squirrel?

More like the Crackling Pushover.

Not familiar.

It was almost too easy.

- No, we've been done!

- We have to go now!

Come on.

No!

Guards!

Fire on any sign of movement.

Where the bloody hell's Monks?

- You go ahead.

- Where are you going?

- We've got to get to the boat.

- Just go!

Go!

I assume you had something

to do with this commotion.

Go away, or I will

scream the place down.

Come away with me tonight.

[SIGHS] I beg your pardon?

Oh, bugger!

Busy night, Mr. Fagin?

Have you gone completely mad?

Yes. I am completely mad.

I need you.

Yesterday, you seemed

to think otherwise.

Yesterday, I spoke with your mother

and she told me that I'd ruin your life

and then threatened to ruin mine.

Oh.

And you still want to run away with me?

More than anything.

Belle, when I wake up in the

mornings, all I can think of is you.

I close my eyes at

night, and there you are.

Belle, I cannot fashion

a life without you in it.

Are you telling me you

love me, Jack Dawkins?

- I don't know what that means.

- You do.

You just said it in your own words.

If you even feel half

the way I do about you

BELLE: I don't.

You don't?

I feel it 10 times more.

Then come away with me.

- We can't.

- We can.

We can, there is a

vessel leaving tonight

bound for the Pacific

Islands on the tide.

Couples like us can live there happily.

We can set up our own hospital.

You can work as a surgeon there.

Why? What is stopping us?

I'm dying, aren't I?

Jack?

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]