01x12 - A Pain in the Butler/The Island of Dr. Moose-reau

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Previously on Rocky and Bullwinkle...

Searching for adventure, our heroes bought a spooky house

which came with a butler who was secretly a monster.

Then both he and the house got sucked into a mysterious portal,

which was definitely spooky.

But not nearly as spooky

as when Bullwinkle became the Monster-winkle! (GROWLS)

But back to that spooky door

which is now at Fearless Leader's lair

which made him angry because he wanted a monster army and not a door.

And who's this spooky guy?

It's that butler.

Remember him from three seconds ago?

He saved Rocky and Bullwinkle from Boris and Natasha in a harrier jet.

And where are they going?

I have no idea.

That's why we have a next episode,

which starts now.

So last time we saw you,

you were getting sucked into that door portal with the house.

But you're saying ya didn't.

Correct.

Because you hung onto the door knob with your monster hand

and were able to pull yourself back through the door portal to safety.

Correct.

Okay, that all makes sense,

but where'd you get the harrier jet?

Found it.

But this door's been jimmied,

these wires have been twisted to bypass the ignition.

And this console says, "Property of Her Majesty's..."

I found it, all right?

BOTH: Okay.

Now please sit tight until we reach the island.

Ooh, what island are we jetting off to?

Maui? Pongo Pongo?

To the only island that can cure you of your monsterness permanently.

That one.

(GROANS)

NARRATOR: Oh, man. Buckle your seat belts, folks.

There's no way Rocky and Bullwinkle

are going to survive this episode!

BOTH: We're not?

(WOLF HOWLING)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

We rejoin our heroes as they... Aah-oh!

Fly the unfriendly skies... Oh, oh, man!

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

I'm not going to lie to you. We might not make it.

I know this is serious, but our voices sound funny.

BOTH: They do!

(ALL LAUGHING)

BOTH: Ooh.

Welcome to Weird Monster Island.

And this is where you can get rid of all my weird monster stuff?

BUTLER: As soon as we reach that peak,

all your monster problems will be over.

And then I can finally go back to my normal moose life in Frostbite Falls,

where everything is wonderful and great.

And what is that?

(ROARS)

Hokey smokes!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Brace yourself for impact!

(ALL SCREAMING)

Mmm. This is nice.

What has she done now?

Who's she? What was that thing?

What the hokey smokes is going on?

Yeah. No more Mr. Nice Moose.

We want answers!

Oh, I guess I'm Mr. Nice Moose again.

But can we still have those answers, please?

Ooh, and start with one of those wavy flashback things.

Very well.

BOTH: Hooray!

ROCKY: Wee! -The previous owner of your spooky house

was a brilliant scientist named Dr. Lesso.

This is gonna be awesome!

BUTLER: Did I say brilliant scientist?

I meant mad scientist.

Who was bad. At science.

She was a bad mad scientist.

And a little of this bubblin' stuff.

Don't worry, you'll clean this up later.

(WHISTLES)

BUTLER: I told her not to.

But she went ahead and made a monster-making machine.

And you said I couldn't do it.

I said you shouldn't do it.

(GROWLS)

Hmm.

Let's make some more!

BUTLER: And she did make more.

(GROWLS)

BUTLER: Too many more.

So she created a portal door to this island

to keep her dangerous monstrosities

from destroying humanity.

(SQUEAKS)

That's it. Get the squeaky thing.

(GRUNTS)

That's a good monster.

Fetchy fetch!

So that, my friends, is what the "hokey smokes" is going on here.

So the scientist that created the monsters is here on this island

and can un-monster me forever?

And me.

Her island lab is at the top of that peak.

(GIANT BIRD MONSTER SCREECHES)

Now let's go, we have a long journey ahead of us.

But if this island is covered with monsters,

shouldn't we be worried?

As long as I'm here by your side,

you have nothing to fear.

(GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

Well, that's a relief. He said we have nothing to fear.

(HUMONGALON ROARS)

Run, moose.

(BOTH PANTING) NARRATOR: So, as Rocky and Bullwinkle

ran from the terrifying tentacles

toward Doctor Lesso's mountain lab,

Fearless Leader ran out of patience

with his top two spies, Boris and Natasha.

I told you to get me a spooky vacation house.

You didn't.

I told you to bring me the monster.

You didn't!

And you didn't say anything about my haircut.

Oh, I noticed your sweet haircut,

but Natasha didn't. (GRUNTS)

Uh, but we did bring you

part of a spooky vacation house, your Fearlessness.

Yeah. Remember your door?

Is on the floor.

What do I want with a floor door?

Because, uh, it's so fun.

You can knock on it.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Is Boris having fun with floor door.

Ooh, come on in, let's party!

What is that?

Ha! It's not a floor door.

You brought me a portal door!

We did?

Oh, uh, I mean, we did!

And look! -(GROWLING)

Terrifying monsters!

Okay, that was cool.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Floor door fun time over.

Fun time is just beginning!

Because now instead of making a monster army,

you two can just catch me a monster army!

But how do we get down there?

Easy. Like this.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

NARRATOR: So as Fearless Leader did something totally uncool...

Oh, get over yourself.

NARRATOR: Rocky and Bullwinkle heard a really weird noise

on Weird Monster Island.

(BORIS AND NATASHA SCREAMING)

(CRASHING) NARRATOR: It was just Boris and Natasha.

Did you hear that?

You mean the Narrator? Yes, I did.

(BOTH WHISTLING)

(RUMBLING) (GASPING)

Did you hear that noise?

Yeah. But there's no monsters in the trees.

(GROWLING)

That's because the monsters are the trees!

Run, moose!

Aah! Bullwinkle!

BOTH: Phew!

(GROWLING)

Fly, Rocky, fly!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(BOTH YELLING)

Time to skedaddle, Rock.

Aw, man, I really thought I had him.

You'll get 'em next time, buddy.

(GROANS) I'm all tangled up.

We're all tangled up, Carl!

Okay, Rock, just fly us up to that peak,

and we can finally cure me of being a

(GASPS) monster.

I'm a lot heavier now, aren't I?

(THUDS) (BIRDS CAWING)

ROCKY: Yep.

NARRATOR: It's true what they say,

never surf on squirrels on a Weird Monster Island.

Yes, it's a saying!

Anyway, on the other side of the island,

a pair of horrible monsters were up to no good.

-No, not them. -(CHIRPING)

NARRATOR: Them!

Boris, look! Bird monsters!

But they're just weak little babies.

Uh, yeah.

Who will grow into giants

for Fearless Leader's unstoppable monster air force!

And so easy to catch, too.

Aren't you, you tiny weak baby monster birds?

(CHUCKLING)

(THUDS)

Did you feel a thud?

Because I felt a thud.

We're gonna need a bigger net.

(SCREECHES)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

I hear screaming.

Sounds like Boris and Natasha found some monsters.

(LAUGHS)

I'm so glad I kicked them down there.

And I let go of the portal, didn't I?

(SCREAMS) (GRUNTS)

Oh, this is bad.

NARRATOR: Yes, it is.

But little did Fearless Leader know,

there was an easy way to get up to that portal to safety.

Really? How?

NARRATOR: I'm not telling you.

You told me to get over myself. Boo-ya!

Meanwhile, on the base of Weird Monster Mountain,

Monster-winkle used his monster strength

to race to the top to finally reach his monster cure!

We're gonna make it, Bullwinkle.

Dr. Lesso's mountain lab, and your monster cure,

here we come.

(GRUNTING)

Yoo-hoo!

Dr. Lesso. Oh.

ROCKY: She's gone.

Everything's gone.

Game over, man!

I can't believe it.

I'm gonna be a monster forever.

What could've done this?

(GROWLING)

Maybe that thing knows.

Excuse me, do you happen to know...

(GROWLS)

I don't think he knows.

NARRATOR: And even though they say,

"Never surf on squirrels on a Weird Monster Island,

"nobody ever said you shouldn't shred a mooseboard

"down a mountain to escape a giant-legged freaky monster thing."

Whew, I think we lost it.

Well, we're safe and sound now

inside this giant monster footprint.

Surrounded by monsters

who are snarling and closing in around us.

NARRATOR: Wha-oh! This episode is getting a little intense.

Uh, duh.

NARRATOR: Let's lighten things up, shall we?

With a Rocky and Bullwinkle Totally Fun and Not Scary Magic Break!

Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.

Ugh, again?

See? Nothing up my sleeve.

-Presto. -(GROWLS)

(SCREAMS) No! (GRUNTS)

I told you to get rid of that hat!

NARRATOR: This has been a Rocky and Bullwinkle Magic Break.

Now, when we last left our hairy heroes,

it appeared to be the end,

which meant it was going to be a very short episode.

(SNARLING AND GROWLING)

(SCREAMING LIKE TARZAN)

Get away from them!

I said get back!

Now somebody stop me!

One of you, take initiative!

Thank you, Gladys!

(GRUNTS)

Uh, Dr. Lesso, I presume?

Are you a cop?

BOTH: No.

Then, yes, I'm Dr. Lesso, what do you want?

Well, our plane crashed,

your lab turned my friend into a monster,

and we both got a really bad case of the Mondays.

I should be able to cure your friend with mad science.

As for the Mondays, there is no cure.

(MONSTERS BLABBER)

(THUDDING)

We gotta get outta here.

It's Humongalon!

What's a Humongalon?

(GROWLING)

(ROARS)

That's a Humongalon.

And he's hungry.

Oh, that thing.

We already saw that and it terrified us.

Quick! Hop on a monster and follow me.

I call crab monster!

Dibs on purple-thing.

I'll take this slimy glob thing!

Why did I pick this?

Monster posse, move out!

NARRATOR: As our heroes narrowly avoided becoming a mid-day monster snack,

Boris & Natasha were trying to avoid becoming baby bird food.

Trust us, baby monster birds,

you don't want to eat me!

I'm nothing but bones.

Yes, and you don't want to eat Boris.

Look, I'm so plump and tender

with soft, juicy skin.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm delicious!

(GIANT BIRD MONSTER SCREECHES)

Boris! The mommy bird, she thinks we're her babies.

What? I am nothing like bird!

See? Here's me not flying like a not-bird!

(CHOKES)

No, that's all right, darling.

Uh, I'm on the no-sugar, no-worm diet.

(CHOKES)

Hey, it's not half bad.

Cheep, cheep, chip, cheep, cheep, cheep.

NARRATOR: Disgusting!

None of those birds are using silverware!

Meanwhile, across the island,

we find Fearless Leader trying to leave the island.

Or should I say, leaf the island.

Dude, that was terrible!

Now with my leaf-launching pad

and my homemade vine-cutting rock,

I will leaf this island.

Oh, now you've got me doing it!

Victory!

Defeat!

NARRATOR: That's why you don't leave your portals lying around, people!

Now back to our heroes.

And the mysterious Dr. Lesso,

who took them back to what was left of her monster-destroyed lab

in hopes of making things less mysterious.

We gotta do this fast before Humongalon comes back.

Here. This should turn you back into a perfectly normal-talking moose.

Wait, is this cherry?

'Cause I hate medicine that tastes like cherry

because it never tastes like cherry!

It's not cherry.

(SCREAMING)

(WHISPERING) It's cherry.

(GASPING AND GROANING)

Wow, yay!

Bullwinkle, you're back!

Yes, it is! And here's my front.

I'm me again.

My days of being a monster are over.

Say, got anything to wash that down with?

Ooh, monster serum.

Nope!

I know you must have a lot of questions about Humongalon.

Yeah, but we already did a flashback in this episode.

Well, we're doing another one!

-Aw, jeez. Not again. -Oh, gosh, come on, lady!

DR. LESSO: I was hard at work in my lab

creating something impossible.

A decent cup of tea on this gosh-forsaken island.

Ooh!

DR. LESSO: Back then I called him regular-sized-alon.

He was my favorite monster on the island.

Until the day I realized instead of water,

I accidentally made the tea with mega-mean- monster-growth accelerant and aggro-acid.

(BURPS)

It was a small mistake that anyone could've made.

But the consequences were humongous.

Uh-oh.

He just got bigger, meaner, and hungrier.

Until he drove us all into hiding,

unable to get back to the portal and civilization.

(ROARS)

Well, anyway, you boys want some tea?

-Ooh, yes, please. -No.

You know, none of this would have happened

if you didn't keep leaving monster potions lying around.

What do you want from me? I'm a mad scientist.

But not to worry, I finally invented the solution.

Come with me.

ROCKY: Whoa!

A Monster-Controlling Saddle with binary neuron impulse override

and fully articulated limb control!

Wow, you really know your monster saddles, kid.

If I can attach this saddle to Humongalon,

I'll be able to control it and bring peace to the island.

BULLWINKLE: So, you have the saddle. What are you waiting for?

All of my monsters are too scared to face Humongalon.

I just need two warriors

brave enough to lure him into the gulch,

so we can drop it on him.

Well, good luck with that, weird science lady.

Yeah, we gotta figure out a way to get back to Frostbite Falls.

(BABBLING AND WHIMPERING)

Ugh. We're gonna do the right thing

and help save the day, aren't we?

How can you say no to a face like that?

(SCREAMS)

BULLWINKLE: No, not that one.

That one.

Fine, we'll help.

Yay!

(EVIL CHICKEN SQUAWKING)

Throw me a rope!

Now put your exercise tapes to good use and pull me up.

♪ I'm going to be safe!

♪ I'm going to be... ♪

Stop!

It's hideous. It's terrifying.

It's the scariest thing I've ever seen.

Oh, I must have it.

Let me get a picture.

And I let go of the rope, didn't I?

(SCREAMS) Help!

(THUDS) (GASPS) What was that?

Boris, I know you've got bird brain,

but this has to stop.

Why? You're just jealous giant bird mama likes me better than you.

I'm not jealous, you idiot.

We have to gather monster army before...

(CELLPHONE RINGING) Fearless Leader calls.

Boris! Natasha!

I don't want ordinary monsters anymore.

I want this giant stompy monster!

And I want it immediately!

BOTH: Yes, Fearless Leader!

Are you in a bird's nest?

Is long story.

Oh, I look forward to never hearing it.

Now, go get my monster!

Okay, bird boy, you heard Fearless Leader. Let's go.

But I like being a monster bird baby.

Warm nest, all the worms you can eat,

and we're completely safe from danger and...

Why is mama pushing birds out of the nest?

Are they now?

(CHIRPING)

She's teaching them to fly, you idiot!

And we're next.

But I'm too young to fly!

NARRATOR: While Boris and Natasha worried about leaving the nest,

Rocky was worried about this.

This is your plan?

Think about it. Monster likes mid-day snacks.

It's mid-day, and we're dressed as snacks.

Now, monster wants to eat us.

So he chases us, you know, so he can eat us,

into the gorge where we drop the saddle on him

right before he can eat us.

You realize you said "eat us" three times.

Don't worry about it.

Now start looking delicious so the monster will try and eat us.

You mean like this?

BULLWINKLE: Hey, Humongalon!

Come and get us!

We're delicious tasty food!

I gotta admit, that's a pretty good food impression.

(ROARING)

BULLWINKLE: To the gorge before he eats us!

(BOTH YELLING)

ROCKY: He's in position. Drop the saddle!

Wait for it.

Wait for what, drop the saddle!

(ROARS)

Hold.

No, no hold.

(GROWLS) Hold.

Pull the rope!

Don't worry, he's not gonna eat us.

He's literally eating us!

Pull the rope!

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

BOTH: We did it!

(MONSTERS CHEERING)

Now all we have to do is hop in that saddle,

take control and make the monster nice again.

NATASHA: Get away! Back! Get away!

Aah. She's going to k*ll us!

Yes. But giant mama monster bird knows best!

(BOTH SCREAM)

All right who wants to be the first to drive this bad boy?

BOTH: We do.

BORIS: Cheep, cheep. Aah! Aah!

Cheep, cheep, cheep.

BOTH: Oh, no.

A Monster-Controlling Saddle with binary neuron impulse override

and fully articulated limb-control.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Cool.

Whee!

(ROARS)

Those two bird people

who just took control of the most powerful monster in the world,

they're nice, right?

BOTH: Nope.

(BOTH LAUGHING MANIACALLY)

Mama bird dropped us right on top of the creature Fearless Leader wanted.

Now we can be bad people and take over the world!

Mama bird did good job raising us.

Where did you get mother-son locket?

Told you mama liked me best.

Boris! Natasha!

You got my stompy mega-monster!

Have we ever let you down?

All the time.

But for some reason not today!

Watch out world, here we come! (LAUGHS)

I don't know about you guys, but I got a bad feeling about this.

Yeah, we all have a bad feeling.

No, see, because the bad guys just took Humongalon.

Yeah, we got it.

And they can use the monster to take over the world!

We know!

(GASPS) Rocky, she's right!

NARRATOR: Oh, no!

Can Rocky & and Bullwinkle get off the island in time to save the day?

Will Fearless Leader finally take over the world now that he has Humongalon powers?

(HONKING)

And whatever happened to that butler?

(IMITATES TARZAN'S CALL)

Did I miss anything?

BOTH: Oh, dude, tons!

NARRATOR: But you won't wanna miss what happens in our next exciting episode,

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)