03x01 - Can Everyone Get Their Sh*t Together?

[bunniefuu]

KIM: This season on The Kardashians...

She's mad that I'm doing the Dolce thing.

It's not rational.

She felt like
her wedding vibes were, like,

stripped from her.

KOURTNEY: There's no sense of loyalty,

or, like, "Oh, how would I feel?"

Bitch, you think I need your permission?

It's almost like a greediness.

[ECHOES] Greediness.

KIM: It's not okay.

[CRYING] I'm having such a hard day today.

KHLOÉ: She's literally on
a breaking point.

♪ I rise up ♪

I've never seen
this much drama in my life.

I worry about her every single day.

All of us just need to have
a bigger conversation about

the beauty standards that we're setting.

We have huge influence, and, like,

what are we doing with our power?

♪ Will you find the power inside ♪

KHLOÉ: They don't know
if it's precancerous,

or if it already went to cancer.

Melanoma's deadly. [ECHOES] Deadly.

How's everything going with Tristan?

I don't need to "punish" him.

♪ We're gonna make our mark on the world ♪

KRIS: You have to be
careful what you wish for.

Sometimes, I feel like
it can be... a curse.

She texts me and goes,

"You have no loyalty and no boundaries.

It's like a [BLEEP]
free-for-all with you."

And I remember you said...
"Thank God it happened to me."

You have been in Travis Land,
you ditched everyone.

I don't wanna be a part of this,

where the paycheck is more important

than the people's feelings.

-[CAMERAS CLICKING]
-[PAPARAZZI CLAMORING]

KRIS: We have
the most beautiful life, but...

♪ Don't look at me ♪

KRIS: ...we have a very small bubble

with friends and family

that we really love,

and that really have our backs.

Oh, my God, what is happening?!

And everybody else...

Cheers, everyone!

KRIS: ...can suck it.

Cheers to Kim and Dolce & Gabbana.

Don't look. No. This way.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I love you so much, honey.

[CROWD CHEERING]

It just, like, upsets me.

Is everybody okay? Because I'm not.

♪♪

["CUFF IT" BY BEYONCÉ PLAYS]

♪ I'm in the mood to roll somethin' up ♪

♪ I need some drink in my cup ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ I'm in the mood to pull somethin' up ♪

♪ I wanna go missin' ♪

♪ I need a prescription ♪

♪ I wanna go higher ♪

♪ Can I sit on top of you ♪

♪ 'Cause we gon' roll up tonight ♪

♪ What's in these four walls ♪

♪ Sexy, my love ♪

♪ Don't miss this roll call ♪

♪ Is you here or what ♪

♪ Yeah, show up, show up ♪

Okay, guys, we're back.

Did you miss us? 'Cause we missed you.

We're filming our
season three show opening,

and we're roller skating because why not?

We wanted a music video. It's fun.

♪ So excited, so exotic ♪

♪ I'm a seasoned professional ♪

♪ Squeeze it, don't let it go ♪

♪ Come out and play, ooh, yeah, you ♪

♪ Come and cuff it, cuff it,
cuff it, cuff it, baby ♪

♪ While I buss it, buss it,
buss it for you, baby, ayy ♪

That's how you pull up to an interview!

Rolling into season three.

♪ I don't mind, I don't mind ♪

♪ For you ♪

KHLOÉ: I cannot believe
we're on season three.

I wish I could tell you
this is gonna be a mild,

relaxing, serene season.

[CLICKS TONGUE] It's not.

♪♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ 'Cause we gon' roll up tonight ♪

♪ Roll it up, roll it up ♪

♪ Black lights ♪

PRODUCER: Did you miss us?

Of course, I did!

♪ Unapologetic when we pull up tonight ♪

♪ Roll up tonight ♪

♪ We gettin' rolled up tonight ♪

♪ Bet you you'll see far ♪

♪ Bet you you'll see stars ♪

♪ Bet you you'll elevate ♪

♪ Bet you you'll need God ♪

♪ 'Cause I feel like fallin' in love ♪

♪ I'm in the mood to pull somethin' up ♪

Never ends.

-Does it, Etienne?
-No.

♪ I'm a seasoned professional ♪

♪ Squeeze it, don't let it go ♪

♪ Tease it, no self-control ♪

♪ 'Cause we gon' roll up tonight ♪

♪ Spaceships fly ♪

♪ Po' it up, cuff it up ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

-No doorbells anymore?
-SECURITY: No, sir.

I still got a doorknob.
Does that mean I'm poor?

-Yello?
-Hey.

I am definitely in a positive place

after just last season.

Life's too short to be goin'
through it miserable. [CHUCKLES]

I had a little...

No. But I do have something
on my face here.

I've had it for seven or eight
months, something like that.

But I decided just to get a biopsy.

Just waiting for the results.

♪♪

Well, hello there.

KHLOÉ: Oh, hello.

-How are you?
-KHLOÉ: Hi, my friend.

-Oh, my gosh.
-KHLOÉ: Where's Scott?

-How are you doing?
-What's goin' on?

-Not much.
-You guys...

let's have a group hug!

Breakup diets?

Breakup diets?

Let's see. I don't even
know where we left off.

-I was?
-PRODUCER: Yep.

Damn.

♪♪

[CHUCKLING] Okay, I'm single.

I'm single and I'm not ready to mingle,

and that's okay.

SCOTT: So how are you feeling
with the first breakup

since being married?

Breakups are just, like, not my thing.

-I'd rather some...
-Are they anybody's thing?

It's just... I'm proud of myself.

-Just like...-
-KIM: I mean, we just had talks

and talks. Like, we had been
talking about it,

so it was just, like,
both of us just, like,

communicating really well about it.

It's obviously sad when you...

How long were you guys together?

KIM: Nine months. It's, like, a long time.

I don't have, like, random hookups

and relationship...
You know what I mean?

-Everything I've been in...
-Well, no, this was huge.

This was also the first person

you dated after you were married for

-a, a long time.
-And there was, like, a lot of guilt.

He went through a lot because...
you know, of my relationship.

I go back and forth
in my feelings sometimes.

Like, "Ugh, who's ever
gonna wanna date me?

I have four kids."
Like... "I'm in my forties."

You know, like, "Oh, my God,

who's gonna wanna deal with the drams?"

But my person will be like,

"[BLEEP] all of that.
Like, it's gonna be hard,

but we're together,
and, like, we're gonna do this."

So, I'm just waiting for that person.

Where's your baby?

-The baby's upstairs.
-KIM: Baby Robbie?

-Baby Rob?
-KIM: Baby Rob.

SCOTT: Is the name Bob?

No, but he looks just like Rob now

SCOTT: You gotta go for Bob.

But a surrogate process,

Kim knows it's really hard for me.

-Well, what does that mean?
-KIM: She had a really hard time

-accepting the whole process.
-SCOTT: Oh, got it.

It's a mind-[BLEEP].

-It's really the weirdest thing.
-SCOTT: Right, I could see that.

I do think that there is a difference

when the baby is in your belly.

The baby actually feels
your real heart. Think about it.

-Right.
-It, like, touches your organ...

Like... it's feel...

There's no one else on this planet

that will feel you
from the inside like that,

-like your heart, you know?
-[SCOTT CHUCKLES]

And people can connect in different ways,

-people could not connect.
-So do you feel less connected?

Mm-hmm.

SCOTT: That'll take a minute.

-Yeah, people say it will take a minute.
-SCOTT: I mean, listen you'll...

-But Kim said hers was easy.
-SCOTT: The other was



This is not easy.

I definitely, like, buried
my head in the sand

during that pregnancy

that I didn't digest what was happening.

And so, I think,
when I went to the hospital,

I really think that was the first time

that really registered,

and it has nothing to do with the baby.

It's just... You're like,
"Okay, we're having a baby,

and this is my son,

and I'm taking him home with me."

And I definitely was
in a state of shock, I think,

from my entire experience... in general.

NURSE: Go, go, go, go, go!
Don't stop, don't stop!

KHLOÉ: I felt really guilty that, like,

this woman just had a...
my baby, and you're just...

I take the baby, and
then I go to another room,

and you're sorta separated. Like,

I felt it's such
a transactional experience

'cause it's not about him.

Hi.

I wish someone was honest about surrogacy,

and the difference of it,

but it doesn't mean it's bad or goo...

It's still great.
It's just very different.

Do you know what, you guys?

If Robert doesn't have a son,

the Kardashian name is dead forever.

-[KHLOÉ SNORTS]
-I'm not even joking.

[LAUGHS]

Uh, I, I could insert a lot of
things other people would say.

It's, like, less drama.

KHLOÉ: Kim, let me tell you
something about men,

they can have babies
until they're, like, 90.

-I know, but...
-So we have time for Rob.

It's gonna happen. Give him time.

♪♪

Hello?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Kim?

Hello?

Kim?

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Kimmy?

Hi!

I had this fear

of growing older
and running out of energy.

The work, the fun, the family,

it's all very full,
and I'm grateful and blessed,

but [INHALES] it's a lot.

So, how'd your call go
with Dolce, Domenico and them?

-Amazing.
-Yeah.

They want me to do
a collection and design...

Be the creative director
of the whole show.

-KIM: Yeah.
-Which is amazing.

They've never done this
with anybody else, ever.

They've never asked anybody
to do a collab with them.

So I think it's quite an honor

when you look at it that way.

I think that it's a little
too soon after Kourt's wedding,

and I wanna wait a year,
so I'm just trying to, like...

They wanna do it for fashion week.

And I don't know... How could they even

pull that off in a few months?

Because they're amazing.

Like, there's no one like them.

I think that it's gonna be
six months since the wedding.

-I mean, I, I wouldn't want...
-Four.

Well, and by the time the
clothes would come out, though,

it would be almost nine months or a year.

Yeah.

My mom's known

Dolce & Gabbana for a long time,

and they always were asking me,
even before the wedding,

like, "Can we do a book?"

Kourtney and Travis
just worked with Dolce,

and that was her
whole vibe of her wedding.

Then, after the wedding,

I got a call saying that

they wanted me to creative direct

their fashion show in Milan.

I think it's such a good opportunity

that I don't wanna pass this up.

KRIS: It's something to think about.

Why don't you talk to Kourtney about it?

-KIM: Yeah.
-Is that itching?

This one is.

I just have psoriasis all over my legs.

That's just because you're stressed out.

Well, tell the father of my
children to stop acting up,

and then I won't stress out
and get psoriasis!

Last season, I feel like
everything was so great

professionally and personally.

[SIGHS] Things change really quickly,

but that's where my family comes in

'cause without them,
I don't know what I would do.

Your leg looks pretty good

considering what you're going through.

The drams isn't penetrating me... 100%.

I just feel like
this is the time where I...

wanna stay single.

-You should.
-'Cause I fall, like, quickly,

but I don't want to.

Do you think that
you're one of those people

that can't be alone, really?

No, I love being alone.

Kim, you're always with somebody.

-If it's not a man, it's your friends.
-Who?

I feel like you have to be busy,

-KRIS: and you have to... Yeah.
-Busy?

-Yeah, that's fine. I could be busy.
-KRIS: You're flying around,

you're planning things,

-you're off and running.
-I'm a workaholic.

Are you that person who,
like, doesn't wanna be alone?

Or are you really gonna enjoy this?

That's really the question.

I really wanna enjoy this.

I don't wanna sound
like I'm complaining at all,

-but I just don't wanna be out,
-[KRIS GROANS]

like, and it's so hard
'cause it's my business,

and I have to do press for my podcast,

and I have to do press for this,
and I have to do press for this,

and it's like,

[BLEEP], I just wanna, like...

Live your life.

I want to be as private as I wanna be.

-Just live my life...
-Yeah.

...and, like, not date,

or date five people if I want to.

[CHUCKLES]

["JOYRIDE" BY LIBRA FEAT. FOXXI PLAYING]

♪ Take a ride,
take a ride on the wild side ♪

♪ We can live,
we can live any way we like ♪

♪ Whatever we wanna ♪

KYLIE: Is there a cup holder in here?

There sure is,
but remember, she's an old lady.

Actually, Kylie, you guys
are the same age, 1997.

-Wow, it's beautiful.
-KENDALL: Yeah.

This was meant to be.

KENDALL: Can't believe I called
you an old lady.

Ah, I know. Why is everyone
saying I'm so [BLEEP] old now?

Kendall! What a cute cup holder!

KENDALL: This is a vibe.

Kylie texted me out of nowhere,

and just asked me
to teach her how to drive stick,

and I was flattered

because when she asks me

to help her with something
that I love doing,

I couldn't be more excited
to hang out with her.

Like, I get so giddy

to the point where I'm probably annoying.

Yeah.

I'm determined to learn
how to drive stick,

and I think it'd be a fun

sister bonding moment for us.

So,

let's do it.

[ENGINE ROARS]

So every manual car has,
like, a different personality.

So, like, you have to learn

-every car differently, in a way.
-Okay.

KENDALL: But once you get the gist of,

-like, what you're doing, you're golden.
-KYLIE: Yeah.

I remember dad took me
out one time to teach me,

and I just wasn't interested,
to be honest.

It's fun to know.

KYLIE: Why do all vintage
cars smell the same?

I don't know. Old leather or something?

So you're gonna have
a clutch, a brake and a gas.

So your left foot is always
gonna be on your clutch,

like, just even if it's
just chillin' next to it,

or, like, on top of it.

So, you use both your feet like that?

Yeah, the whole time pretty much.

So,

I'm not, like, a great teacher,
but I'll try my best.

-I'm already... very confused.
-So, like, when you're in neutral, right?

This is neutral.

-I can take my foot off...
-It wiggle wiggles?

-Yeah, wiggle wiggles.
-KYLIE: Okay.

♪ The money jiggle, jiggle it folds ♪

♪ I like to see you wiggle,
wiggle for sure♪

♪ It makes me wanna
dribble, dribble, you know ♪

♪ Riding in my Fiat,
you really have to see it ♪

♪ Six feet two in a compact, no slack ♪

♪ But luckily the seats go back ♪

♪ I got a knack to relax in my mind ♪

♪ Sipping some red, red wine ♪

So, what happens if you stall out?

Like, what if I stall out...

you stall out right now
in the middle of the street?

-It's a little embarrassing sometimes.
-Really?

I'm pretty good
at mechanical sh*t, [CHUCKLES]

but the Porsche is a lotta pressure.

I'm really nervous.
I don't want to crash her car.

♪ Shephard's bush, my compact push ♪

♪ Notting Hill gate, my Fiat skates ♪

♪ With a crate of cabernet,
but not today ♪

♪ Because I gotta drive,
I wanna stay alive ♪

KENDALL: You're gonna feel it.
You're gonna have to just feel it.

I'm so confused.

I'm half on the clutch,
half on gas right now.

I'm not even off the clutch

'cause I don't know when
they're gonna stop.

Now I'm off the clu...
Now I'm on the clutch.

I'm not in gear, technically.

Yeah, I don't get this.

You wanna switch? Are you ready?

KYLIE: I don't think I'll be
ready until... I'm in the zone.

Okay.

So, your foot's on the wrong thing.

The middle one, that's the brake.

Don't touch that one with your right foot.

So, if you push down on the clutch...

Where's the brake?

-[KENDALL LAUGHS]
-KYLIE: Kendall?

Like, what if there's an emergency,

-and I just...
-Your right foot's on the brake.

You're freaking me out now.
Please don't crash my car.

You never touch the, the clutch

-with your right foot.
-Really?

-No.
-I thought this was the gas, the right.

'Kay, well, if you ruin my car,

-you're buying me a new one.
-This is the, this is the brake?

Wait, hold on, hold on. Hold on.

I'm nervous now. I wasn't nervous until
this very moment.

-KYLIE: There's three but...
-This is a horrible start.

Wait, wait, wait.

This is a horrible start!

There's three things down there?

KENDALL: I don't even need
to turn the car on.

-There's...
-Yes, there's three,

and your left foot's
only job is the clutch.

-Oh, my God, I'm so scared now.
-The sweat.

There's [BLEEP] three?

-There's three. So, your left...
-There's three pedals

I have to [BLEEP] worry about now?

Three pedals?

Three?

We do not have three feet for this.

It's too much.

I'm in neutral.

-[ENGINE REVS]
-KENDALL: 'Kay, your right foot

and your clutch foot are basically

gonna be doing a dance

to find that sweet spot.

Start just tapping the gas.

'Kay, now... No, no, no. Tapping.

'Kay, now start... Gently release, gent...

Slow, slow, slow, slow,
slow, slow. You stalled.

[BLEEP].

Go into... Go... Foot on the brake
and the clutch.

But why do I move it before I start...

Foot on the brake and the clutch.

-[ENGINE REVS]
-Okay.

Go into first.

Yep... 'kay.

-[KYLIE EXHALES]
-A dance.

It's a gentle dance.

So, slow on the clutch.

Slow, slow, slow, slow, slow, gas.

Slow on the clutch, Kylie.

♪♪

-Yeah!
-You did it!

-KYLIE: Oh, my God!
-KENDALL: Okay, okay.

We should've definitely
picked a bigger parking lot.

-Yeah.
-KENDALL: This isn't a lot of room.

'Kay, try and go out and turn around.

And if you need...
Whenever you're panicking, clutch.

If you need to break
really fast, just clutch.

-Now, foot on the clutch, clutch.
-Where are we going?

-KYLIE: I don't understand.
-KENDALL: Clutch, clutch, clutch, clutch.

Clutch! You can go to the brake.
Brake, brake, brake.

-Foot off the gas, foot off the gas.
-[KYLIE SCREAMS]

See, see, okay. Now we're still... Kylie!

[SCREAMS]

♪♪

-[KENDALL LAUGHING]
-[KYLIE SCREAMS]

We almost, we almost crashed!
We almost crashed.

Thank God we had that talk.
"When in doubt, clutch, brake."

'Cause it came to me. [EXHALES]

I told you. Okay.
Do you wanna try backing out?

-No, I don't. I just don't.
-This is challenging. Okay. Okay.

I think I'm probably making things

way more complicated for her,

so I'm so sorry.

KYLIE: This is good for the first step.

But I could hear my car
was like... "Help me!"

We could try getting you home?

-You could try driving home.
-Me try getting [BLEEP] home, Kendall?

-Yeah.
-You're kidding.

-No.
-I just don't wanna injure us.

KENDALL: 'Cause you need to at least

get into second gear, Kylie.

This isn't even a lesson

-if you're just going into first.
-KYLIE: Yeah.

I think we need to go

to a street with a stop sign.

I agree. I mean, maybe, like,

those streets in Beverly Hills?

KENDALL: Yeah.

O-kay, this is, actually, perfect.

-Ready?
-Yeah.

We... are in the streets now.

-[EXHALES] Okay.
-Yep, deep breaths.

Slow on the clutch, slow.

Ah-ah, less gas, less gas, less gas.

Slow on the clutch, you got it.

Okay, clutch, clutch, clutch.

Second, straight down.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop. 'Kay, yep.

Now, little bit of gas, just a little.

You're already there, okay.

-Kendall, you're, actually...
-[KENDALL SQUEALS]

-...stressing me out, though.
-Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay, so, can I go into neutral

-or something?
-Neutral.

-Clutch, clutch, clutch, clutch, clutch.
-Ahh!

Um, go...

Now I'm going back into [BLEEP] first?

-Go left.
-Yeah, please.

-[CAR HONKING]
-Please, go ahead.

-You're in neutral.
-Oh, yeah.

-[LAUGHING]
-Clutch. First. 'Kay.

-You don't need to be on the gas.
-Kendall, what am I doing now?

-Ah! There's, there's cops.
-Okay, clutch, clutch, clutch.

-There's cops.
-Foot off the gas, foot off the gas.

-Foot off the gas, off the gas.
-Ah!

Okay, now gas, a little. You're good.

[KYLIE EXHALES]

-I'm gonna... I'm taking an emergency exit.
-Clutch, clutch. Clutch! Clutch!

-Okay.
-Neutral!

KENDALL: Brake, brake.

Kendall, if you weren't here,
I swear to God...

-Obviously. This is your...
-I wouldn't be okay.

...first ever lesson.

This is not coming natural to me at all.

It's okay. It, actually, is, though.

This is, like, really good, I swear.

She did amazing.

My car, I can hear how tired she is.

Like, she is over it.

I'm done for the day.

Kylie, that was wonderful.

I'm really proud of you, honestly.

KYLIE: Thank you for teaching me!

♪ You better watch, better, better ♪

♪ You better watch out, better, better ♪

♪ You better watch, better, better ♪

♪ You better watch out
'cause we're comin' for ya ♪

♪ You better watch out ♪

♪ You better, you better watch out ♪

It is 818 week, August 18th, 818.

That is my brand.

And so, every year we just
do, like, a, a fun 818 party.

Hey.

♪ We're countin' down the clock ♪

♪ Get ready for some action ♪

♪ 'Cause when I'm an attraction ♪

♪ We're comin' back, back now,
it's time to make it happen ♪

Hi.

♪ You better watch, better, better ♪

♪ You better watch out, better, better ♪

♪ You better, watch, better, better ♪

♪ You better watch out
'cause we're comin' for ya ♪

I think that one of the beautiful things

about me and my sisters

is we love to support each other,

and we love to show up for each other.

-I'm so in love with you.
-I'm so in love with you, tushy girl.

We have everyone gathered to just support,

and just share all the success,
and have a good time.

-You know who it is?
-Yes.

-No, you don't.
-It's James!

-[LAUGHS] How are you, darling?
-[KRIS LAUGHS]

Good to see you.

How fun is this robot, this 818 robot?

KYLIE: So cool!

Wait, I'm really interested in this robot.

What's funny is, it's one robot,

so, like, yeah, you don't need people, but

-there's four guys operatin' the robot.
-KHLOÉ: Right, what's happenin'?

BEN: One of them could just make a drink.

KHLOÉ: Or four men could make four drinks.

Exactly, it'd be much cheaper.

This thing is so cool.

-Cheers, guys.
-Cheers. To 818!

Cheers!

I don't know, probably me.

I mean, I can drink the most

and hold it the best.

I mean, I can drink a lot.

-How cool is the robot?
-I'm gonna get involved.

Kendall and Kim show
their drunkness really fast.

Like, there's no hiding it.

They have two sh*ts, they're announcing it
to everyone like,

"Oh, my God, I feel so drunk."

Kourtney, like, pees just everywhere.

She gets drunk and she'll, like,

pee on everybody, and everywhere,

and in public, and...

like, she's, like, naked somewhere.

She's just, like, a free lady.

No disrespect to the robot,
but it's just so strong.

Khloé's fun to get drunk with,
but she can get aggressive.

Watch out. And there's no stopping her.

Get... Ay! Get over here!

You don't say hi to your auntie?

You better get outta here. Get over here!

If you had a chance...

to drink with any of us,

I'd pick Kris Jenner.

-Where am I sitting?
-You're over with me.

♪♪

♪ So I've been, so I've been told ♪

♪ Me, I'm so bold ♪

KYLIE Oh, it's starting.

KENDALL: I'm, like, scared.

I'm scared, too. What the [BLEEP]?

Oh!

♪ So I've been, so I've been told ♪

♪ Me, I'm so gold ♪

♪ So I've been, so I've been told ♪

♪ I am so gold ♪

♪ So I've been, so I've been told ♪

♪ I am so gold ♪

[CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING]

COREY: Looked like a airplane.

-Thank you.
-Here you go.

Thank you.

-Special delivery!
-[KENDALL SQUEALS, LAUGHS]

I couldn't be more appreciative.

This is just so cool
to see everyone's faces.

The alcohol space is
predominantly male-dominated,

which can make your life
as a female founder

a little bit more challenging.

But it's been, also, very motivating,

and I just feel like I've learned so much,

not only about the industry that I'm in,

but also about myself.

So, thank you guys so much.

[CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING]

That was great. I loved it.

KRIS: That was so cool, Kendall.

♪ Yeah, gimme that ♪

♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Yeah, gimme that ♪

♪ La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Gimme that ♪

-That's amazing.
-It's so good.

WAITER: Is it good?

KYLIE: It's delish!
Gimme the little crunchies.

-Kim, pass that down.
-KIM: It's so good, you guys.

Not much. Oh, I had a baby.

"Not much.

-Oh, I had a baby." [LAUGHS]
-I had a bab...

-Well, I didn't have one.
-No.

-Yeah, so, or else...
-Yeah.

-I'm sure I would've remembered that.
-Sure.

Yeah, so... what's
your first child called?

-True.
-WAITER: Help yourself.

-True.
-Thank you so much.

So, you gotta call it "False."

Exactly, well, that, that, was,

-that was my first option.
-Or...

Oh God, what are we breaking?

Yes.

♪♪

Hi, Snowy!

His name is not Snowy.

His name is Tatum.

So, Tatum and True.

Naming a human is really hard. [LAUGHS]

[INHALES, EXHALES]

-Where's a picture of this child?
-Oh my gosh.

Well, the weird thing
is he looks like my brother,

which is very weird.

Yeah, well, I've got
a theory that at some point,

if only for a day... even a minute,

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I actually believe that's true.

KHLOÉ: I feel like I've gone
through a lot recently,

but... what's one more thing on my plate?

We had that facial the other day.

-Oh yeah... Yeah.
-And Khloé had that little thing removed

from her face, and she had it biopsied...

-KYLIE: And it came back?
-And it's... cancerous.

-Stop. This is her third time.
-I know.

[SIGHS] So, Khloé has
a little bit of a history

with... melanoma and cancerous lesions.

So, this on her face
is very concerning to me,

and I'm actually very worried.

-I'm just a little worried about her...
-Well, yeah!

-Hello?
-So, now she has to have it... removed.

-Oh, wow.
-So, then, like, you go in,

-and you don't know how much of your...
-Yeah.

-...cheek they're gonna take.
-[KYLIE GASPS]

I think that it's always

scary to hear something like this.

It's just...
I remember I'd go to her house,

and she had this little bump,
and it was, like,

she tried to remove it,

and she's like, "It just won't go away."

So, to find out that
it was melanoma is just,

obviously, really scary,

and I just hope that
everything's gonna be okay.

-Wait, I need to talk to you.
-KHLOÉ: Uh-oh.

Mom just told me it was melanoms.

Oh, yeah, it's the noms.

Why'd she... What's she tellin' you?

She pulled me aside...

-These are cute.
-...she said very dramatically.

-Stop. What'd she... Bible?
-So, what are you gonna do?

I have to get a plastic surgeon
to cut the whole thing out.

They said they won't know
'til they open up my cheek

how big they have to cut.

But in my face is gonna be annoying.

I just don't want a big scar on my face.

So, at this point, I have done
one biopsy on this bump

that I just assumed was a zit.

It turns out it's not a zit,
it's melanoma,

and so, for my age,

it's incredibly rare,
which I love this term

'cause everything that happens
to me is incredibly rare,

except for winning the [BLEEP] lottery.

But

it's so rare that they have to, like,

go in more to see if it's spread.

And so, at this point,
it does feel a little scary.

When it rains, it pours.
What are you gonna do?

I like this side of my face better anyway.

I think, in our family a lot,

it's, like, we know how
to celebrate together,

we know how to have fun together,

we know how to help each other... back up

almost on, like, a superficial level,

but it's, like...

we don't really know
how to be sad together,

or to, like, grieve together.

It's kinda, like, something
that we all do on our own.

You know, Khloé's been through so much.

I mean, it's scary to hear

that she could have skin cancer,

and I am worried for her.

♪♪

♪♪

KOURTNEY: Khloé, I know that
I'm already late

-for you.
-Y-Yes, darling.

KOURNEY: But I am ovulating.

-Oh, my God, stop. What is that...
-Do you mind if I, if I...

if you give us five minutes to go...

do something really fast.

I have been just settling into life.

Wife life is amazing.

-Can Travis do it in five?
-Yeah, he can.

I'll ju... Can I wait here?

-Should I go somewhere else?
-Yeah! You wait here. We'll be back.

I'm gonna leave
my microphone with you, Pax.

-PAX: All right.
-And that's...

-KHLOÉ: Are you really ovulating?
-Yes, I am.

-Let's see if it takes five minutes.
-PAX: Time it.

One time I was under my parents'
bed playing hide and seek,

and I fell asleep, and I woke up
to my mom and Bruce having sex,

and this is, sort of, triggering me,

so I don't wanna talk about it.

My inner child won't allow me to.

♪♪

♪♪

[LAUGHING]

Lemme check my timer.

-Look what time this says.
-KOURTNEY: Fifteen?

It's what I said.
By the way, that's record time.

How? You've timed yourselves before?

No, but I just know.
It's usually, like, hours.

I was laughing for the first
five minutes...

so hard, I was crying.

-That's sexy.
-'Cause I, 'cause I couldn't deal and then

I was like, "Get it together,
get it together."

That is so romantic.

The fact that you would wanna

have another baby

just blows my mind.

It's your time to be free and have fun.

You're a newlywed.

Literally, like, in your honeymoon stage.

This is the prime of you and him being,

like, obsessive with each other,

-which anyone would want to.
-KOURTNEY: Yeah.

Whatever's God's plan.

We are officially done with IVF.

We would love a baby more than anything,

but I just really believe
in what God has in store for us.

If that's a baby,

then I believe that it will happen.

I had seven frozen eggs
from years ago, before Travis.

When I was 38 or 39,

everyone was, like, pushing me to do that,

and most of mine didn't survive the thaw

because eggs are one cell,

and then, none of them
made it to an embryo.

The freezing of the eggs isn't guaranteed,

and I think that that's,
like, a misunderstanding,

is, like, people do it
thinking that it's, like,

a safety net, and then it's not.

Whatever's meant to be. I'm also...

We have a full, blessed life,
and I'm happy.

All the things that came along with IVF

took a toll on me physically.

My health is still impacted
because it's hormones,

and also, like, mentally,

it definitely, like, took a toll.

So... I think just

being happy is most important,

and being a good parent to my kids.

We are just embracing

that whatever's meant to be will be.

Um, how's your face coming along?

It's comin'. It's scary, like,

waiting for results and all that.

I don't like to be an extra burden.

We all have our own stuff going on.

Khloé definitely keeps
her problems to herself,

and I think probably
she doesn't feel comfortable

being vulnerable with everything
that she's been through.

I was thinking about how, in our family,

we're so good at, like,
celebrating and having fun.

-Mm-hmm.
-We're... also good at, like,

lifting each other up
when we're, like, in a crisis.

-KHLOÉ: Mm-hmm, for sure.
-Like... but in, like,

almost, like, a superficial way.

Like, I don't think we know how to, like,

be there for each other

on, like, a deeper level.

What?!

Do you?

I think I do.

When there's something

pretty traumatic
or devastating in the family,

I feel like we're all
by that person's side.

That's my experience,

and if Kourt doesn't feel that way,

then I feel badly for her.

But I could easily say,

"Yeah, like how you didn't check in on me

about the baby or whatever."

It's just... She's in her love bubble.

But, like, for you, for example,

I feel like you like to deal
with things on your own.

Well, yeah, I just don't like to add sh*t

to other people's lives.

I feel like we all have our times

when we're, like, closer than others,

-and I think that, like...
-KHLOÉ: Mm-hmm.

...obviously, you and I

just have a chemistry and a connection

unlike any other.

There's just an attraction

-that's... can't be broken.
-Yeah. It's undeniable.

KHLOÉ: It's undeniable.

Khloé will always be my soulmate

after my true soulmate that now I have.

I think with Khloé and I,
there's no competition.

We're just genuinely, like,
obsessed with each other.

We also, I think,

vibed a lot on making fun of Kim,

and then I think when that was gone,

Kim and Khloé were, like, vibing,

and then I was the one who got,

like, ganged up on.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, Kim could never be
as funny as me, obviously.

And we would all do anything

for each other, and, like, you know,

ride for each other 'til the end,

but it is a different thing.

And also, you and I aren't doing

one-on-one activities.

You're always with Trav
or your kids, which I get.

-I would be, too.
-Yeah.

You know what? I'm not into
talking about problems,

I'm into talking about solutions.

So, here is what I feel,
-and that is,

-you and I...
-I'd l... I'm curious about that.

...have a day together.

-'Kay.
-Have a Kourtney and Khloé

throwback day. Let's pretend
we're back in Miami.

-'Kay, and yell at people on the streets?
-KHLOÉ: Yeah.

"How's your penis?"
Let's just do something fun.

We don't even have to leave the gates.

Do you know much fun
you and I have together?

-I don't care where we go.
-Yeah.

I'll let you pick anything you want.

-KOURTNEY: I was gonna say we...
-I'm just not going

to one
of your doctors.

Like, I wanna do something fun.

No steam up my vag.

I'm not doing a cleanse.

I want you guys to do a yoni steam.

No.

With me. I'll lead it.

Oye, oye, oye.

[YAWNS]

-I'm so tired.
-From probably having your 20-minute

sex session downstairs.

Well, I had one for this morning
for, like, an hour and a half,

-and I had one last night...
-Who has that time in the day...

-and the day before.
-to have sex for an hour and a half?

KOURTNEY: You know, we're just
living our best lives.

["REVELATION" BY DISCOTHÈQUE PLAYING]

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Oh, welcome to reality ♪

♪ Play the victim, it's your sickness ♪

KRIS: Hello?

Do you want me to take my shoes off?

No, no, no, it's fine.

So, I spent my whole morning
having an anxiety att*ck.

I felt like I just
couldn't breathe all day.

You know when you just, like,
are on the verge of tears?

-It feels like your throat is like...
-Yeah.

...you're about to cry?

-That's just how I've felt all day.
-KRIS: Aww.

You know, there's been a lot
going on with Kanye right now,

and

things are going on in the media:

radio shows and interviews.

REPORTER: The kids caught in Kimye's w*r

as Kanye goes after Kim and her mom.

Even through all of the craziness

of everything that Kanye says about us,

like, I never comment, I never post.

Like, he has made up
the most insane narrative...

-Yeah.
-about you and the tape,

and we stay silent, we stay silent

through all the lies, all the stuff.

I-I think, at this point,

I just assume everything I text Kanye

is gonna be put on the internet.

I think I can handle anything,

I just get really...
heartbroken for my mom

that she has to deal
with so much, you know,

from so many different sides
of people coming at her.

But you, you can't control somebody else.

You know, he's doing this to himself.

But even just like how
he looks so down on me

for, like, my tape, and brings it up

all over town, all over the media.

Like, thanks for reminding
people once again.

All of his shenanigans...

I don't even know what the [BLEEP]

-to call it.
-KRIS: Rhetoric.

Is gonna be far more damaging

to the kids one day

-than my tape will ever be.
-That's right.

And I have to sit here

and not say anything ever

because I know, one day,
my kids will appreciate that,

and I know that, like,
is the best thing for them.

And by the way, I'm the one
where sh*t could be going down,

and I get in the car, and every day,

the kids wanna blast Dad's music,

and I'm like,
"He's the best! Yeah, of cour..."

And I put it on, and we're singing along,

and inside I'm, like, dying because...

Yeah.

...I will be his biggest cheerleader

to them forever, and one day...

-When they can understand.
-...they see for themselves,

I'll answer whatever they want me to,

but, like, it's just...

-It's too much for one person to take.
-KIM: It's a lot.

And the one that was
supposed to protect me,

and still does interviews

saying they will be my forever protector

is the one that is hurting me the most.

He was the one that started a rumor

that said I was having...

hooking up with Drake, having an affair.

Our whole marriage,
he accused me of that, publicly.

So, the person that's
supposed to protect me the most,

publicly, would accuse me
of having an affair

throughout our whole marriage.

I really can't wrap my head around...

-KRIS: Yeah.
-...how he thinks he is a protector.

You know, sometimes, Kanye will say to me,

"Can I have approval over
what you say about me on your show?"

And I'll say, "Well, you just
talked about me

"in this song, this song,

"this interview, this interview,

and you didn't ask my permission."

And I never say anything bad,
I never say anything negative.

If I say, "I'm exhausted,"
I feel guilty about that.

I am [BLEEP] exhausted.

For once, can everyone just

get their sh*t together... around me,

so I can [BLEEP] lose it just once.

I just wanna lose it once.

I wanna have a bad day and I can't.

Like, I can't even be overwhelmed

and have a bad day

because...

no one else has their sh*t together.

You're under a lotta stress, Kim,

and I don't even think you realize

the weight of the world
is on your shoulders.

I just feel bad, you know?
And I don't know why I feel bad.

-Yeah.
-KIM: And it's, like,

I don't
know what to do.

I don't wanna be a part of this narrative,

and it's, like, when is
this ever gonna end?

Like, it never will.

It's just always so intense.

I don't wanna engage
in a public feud with him.

I feel like I have to do something,

especially when it involves other people

and it hurts other people.

Like, hurt me, just keep it with me.

And I'm stuck with this
for the rest of my life.

First of all, you can't control
somebody else's behavior.

You have to look at the history of this.

You were there for him for so many years,

and then you finally decided

that you couldn't take it anymore,

it wasn't in the best interest

of you or your children,

you got a divorce,

you did the only thing you could do.

I think that I would be...

I don't know.

I don't wanna talk about this anymore.

Let's talk about something else.

Everything.

Next on The Kardashians.

-[MALIKA SNIFFLES]
-Why are we crying?

I need you to be okay.

I'm definitely anxious about everything,

and now you just have to wait.

KYLIE: We are in Milan

to see my makeup being made.

I love this shade.

-More pink.
-LAB TECH: More pink?

-KYLIE: Yes!
-PERSON: Gorgeous!

I'm meeting with Domenico Dolce
from Dolce & Gabbana

to talk about the Dolce show
coming up in Milan.

Bellissimo.

It's gonna be so exciting.

I am a little worried

about Kourtney just because

this Dolce & Gabbana collaboration,

I think it's too good to pass up.

Kim and I definitely grew up,
like, more competitive,

although, I've let that part go,
I'm not sure if she has.

Would you wanna keep going
and everybody commit?

Or would you wanna kinda
put the show on a back burner,

and just live your life without a camera?

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

Leah, to ask you an annoying question,

do my nipples look even?

My tits don't have any support.

Do you guys think that they look fine?

I can just hold 'em
like this the whole time.

[BELL TOLLS]